Chapter 11: Tyranids (pt.2)
Continued from Chap. 10
As the Tyranid Warriors closed in, I blared a song from my speakers and charged. The first Warrior lashed out with it's talons, scoring my armor and leaving a scratch on my hull, I repaid the favor by smashing it aside with my power fist and leaving it a crushed mess. The second Warrior was more cautious and fired its Deathspitter at me. Knowing that the projectiles could melt through my armor, I changed into my power armored form and summoned my jump pack, and just barely managed to dodge the live ammo.
(And yes, Tyranids do use living ammunition, and it's as nasty as you think it is!)
I then summoned a Thunder Hammer and Storm shield and used my jump pack to leapfrog the Warrior and engage the Prime.
"You've messed with the wrong town, Xenos!" I snarled. The leader-beast roared in response and swung its Bonesword at me. I raised my shield and blocked the blow, only to be lashed by the whip.
Damn it, this isn't going to work! I'm gonna need to change tactics!
With that thought, I changed my weapons to the pair of lighting claws known as the Raven's Talons, Shadow Captain Shrike's signature weapons. When the Lash Whip came at me again. I sliced it in half, but left myself open to the Bonesword. That nearly cost me my life.
The Bonesword made a huge rent in my armor, if I hadn't been dodging, I would've been sliced in half!
As it was, I was severely wounded by the slash.
"AAAHH!"
Meanwhile, Sebaste took out the last Warrior with his Sniper rifle. He then leaped from his spot and ran towards the melee, summoning a Gravity Hammer in the process. Seeing him, the Prime turned and fired its weapon symbolites, giving me enough time to lunge forward and slam both Talons into the creature.
It let out a pained screech and turned, only to get slammed by the Grav Hammer.
"How'd ya like that, ya Alien reject?!" Seb taunted
Apparently it did not like it at all, and slashed with its remaining weapon at us.
"We've gotta take that thing down now!" I said.
Sebaste nodded, we both then retreated while summoning our more devastating ranged weapons.
I was armed with a Lascannon, while Sebaste was armed with a Plasma launcher.
"Ready...."
The Prime charged forward.
"Aim...."
It was now 30 feet from us.
"FIRE!"
Both our weapons fired at the same time, the grenades hitting first and sticking to the Prime before detonating. Both its Bonesword and spinefists were destroyed, leaving the creature roaring in pain, then the las-beam hit, killing it instantly.
We both stood there panting, looking at the devastation.
" Looks like another week of repairs." I said.
Sebaste nodded. "This is gonna be one heck of a report, no doubt about that!" he said.
I mumbled an agreement, wincing in pain from the wound I had gotten from the fight.
"Let's get you to the hospital, that wound looks like it could turn nasty."
I nodded and both of us headed over to Ponyville Central.
Oh for...
Like, really? You read some freaking Displaced fanfic, the literal scum of Fimfic, somehow thought it was a good concept, and then wrote...this.
I'm not going to downvote this. I won't downvote a story I haven't read, and I'm not sure I can bring myself to read this. The description alone almost killed me through pure cringe.
Hahahahahaha what.
There's so much wrong with this sentence alone.
First, Xenos? Like, every single inhabitant of Equestria, as they are all nonhuman?
Second, why the fuck is Equestria suddenly defenceless against random invaders? Did you forget about the two demigoddesses who rule the place, or their buddy the reality warping eldritch abomination? Not that Celestia, Luna or Discord would actually have to do anything - as soon as a hypothetical invasion force landed, it's just as likely to get trodden on or eaten by whatever massive monster happens to be in the area as it is to actually do anything invasion-y.
Third, why are Generic Self-Insert Displaced-Fic-Protagonist #1 and #2 suddenly the defenders of Equestria? Equestria already has a group of defenders. You know, the fucking main characters of the show. Wow.
Grrrrr.
So in conclusion, Displaced is an awful fad that should have died long ago, a crossover with Halo is a bad idea, a crossover with WH40K is a terrible idea, and the description of this fic oozes contrived nonsense. Also, I'm a whiney bitch. What else is new?
6821688 Now hold on for just a blooming minute!
Okay, I get that you don't like Displaced stories, But this was the first ever story that I wrote! So cut me some slack! I'm trying to make this story better, but if I get anymore criticism, I may as well delete it!
*sigh* I'm sorry for the snappish response, it's just that when I first submitted this, I got more dislikes than I'd like. The first count was 3 likes to 15 Dislikes! So I hope you'll understand why I reacted like that.
6821731
Oh. Okay, sure. If you're genuinely interested in getting better as a writer, then I could give you some pointers. You clearly are a fan of Halo and Warhammer40K, so I could ramble about how a proper crossover between them and MLP might play out, or something? I dunno.
Anyway, it's a matter of how hard you're willing to try in order to improve. Nobody is brilliant when they start out.
6821773 *Smirks* Why do you think I have the name "Halo40KInquisitor"? And you're right, maybe I'm doing this wrong....
I should've asked for help with writing this.... What kind of pointers can you give me?
6821797
Well, I've yet to actually read your story , but your grammar and so on looks okay from what I've seen so far. I'll have a look later, see if there's any recommendations I can make.
Now, on the subject of crossovers with Sci-Fi franchises. Halo is an ongoing universe with new story arcs and stuff that have yet to be fully released, so tying Equestria into that might prove difficult. I would just avoid that entirely by going in a completely different direction. Through whatever contrivance is necessary, Catherine Halsey and some named Spartan-II's find themselves in Equestria. Now, not being genocidal monsters, they make peaceful contact with the ponies. They speak different languages, so communication would initially be difficult. Eventually, Twilight and Halsey work around it with SCIENCE and MATHS. Anyway, a peaceful exchange of technologies takes place, with the humans getting to research unicorn magic and the ponies getting to investigate the Spartan's power armor. Some external force provides a threat, like a resurrected Sombra or some Covenant splinter group. Whichever it is, the finale would feature Spartans in magitech-augmented MJOLNIR-mark-three and ponies with a technological revolution (and guns).
WH40K is super grimdark, as you almost certainly already know. Canon MLP is almost the antithesis of grimdark, so finding a way to match tones well would be a challenge. It really says something that the good guy fraction's first response upon seeing Equestria would almost certainly be "BURN THE FILTHY XENOS!"
Anyway, the way I would go about a crossover between WH40K and FiM would be a Warhammer fix fic, more of less. Have a forward-thinking Astartes leader of some description land in Equestria and hold off on trying to slaughter everything long enough to see the Elements of Harmony/Rainbow Power/Crystal Heart in action, and then realise he may have stumbled across a way to heal the God-Emperor, holy shit! He then does whatever is necessary to ally himself with Celestia, and impresses upon her how important it is that the Emperor is healed. The rest of the fic would consist of Astartes Leader Dude, plus Princesses and Mane Six, attempting to get to the Emperor by any means necessary. Getting a bunch of Xenos to the heart of Holy Terra, into the Emperor's very presence, certainly wouldn't be easy. They could infiltrate the system's defences and land, then be discovered and be forced to storm the Imperial Palace, or whatever other scenario would be suitably dramatic. Anyway, once the Emperor is healed by rainbows, he can proceed to unfuck the Imperium, ally with the ponies and then go on to attempt to unfuck the universe that defined the term grimdark.
6821909 Right-o! I'll think on that, and out of curiosity, do you know the name of the story where a human ends up having a link with Twilight after she manages to save him from falling from the sky? I can't remember a rinky dink of the name!
6821928
No, I don't know either. Sorry.
Anyway, it might be a while before I get back to you for suggestions and the like. I'll be offline for a while, starting tomorrow.
God damn. First comment needs to pull the rod out of his ass, tho i can understand passionate behavior but still, holy fing shit. Overboard and then some. Anyways for a first story it wasn't too bad man. I probably will write about the same when i get my first story going.
6836492 Yeah, the first few days after it got submitted were not happy, I got more dislikes than normal
6836504 can understand that man. Gotta start somewhere right?
6836542 Eeyup