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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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So this takes place in the same universe as Past Sins? Because...I'm confused.
You've set no universe for this- does it take place in Capital Wasteland? Fallout: Equestria? Past Sins? Or is it that this is what Earth has become, thousands of years later in the Fallout universe?
6715413 I'll try to fix it but I can't promise anything and about the editor, trust I want to get one but don't know how.
6715437 It's a universe were the past is Fallout Equestria and present past sins.
(clamping hands) how do u get this idea's this one almost made me cry
6715684 I just sit down and stare at my screen until something pops up.
6715691 that or a tumor pops in your head eitherway you get ideas from them
That was great can't wait for more from you
Interesting, not what I expected, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing, continue.
Name change from Lone to Steel Breaker.
6716168 I get mine by lisining to cupcakes and skillet songs.
6780627 I appearntly can not spell tonight.
Yeah, nice shooting, bro! Oh, wait, I'm sorry, were you angry that your attackers died instead of your friends? If you are so pissed your friends are still alive then he could lend you something you could use to fix that, Fluttershy.
Then you must spend a lot of time stomping on her shadow.
Hmmm... So both Tia and Luna knew Steel from a long time ago....
My personal opinion is that this story seems to lack some excitement. It sound so monotonous and some scenes, like the one with Fluttershy here seem rather shallow and don't feel like it's having an impact, while the Tree of Harmony part doesn't seem to be important in any way. It doesn't seem all that important the way you wrote it and would have probably fit better on a latter date, where it might be more of use. The reactions fo the Elements seem also to be lacking, while Rainbow being aggressive was something that didn't fit in my opinion here. He wasn't doing anything to provoke such a reaction and Rainbow probably won't react much different if she was in his situation. The only other emotion I can remember here was the short blushing part. It was nice to have something like that but could have been worked out better. For example, letting him walk around for the while creating an awkward situation for the mares. These two moments were the only ones that stood out emotion--wise.
So, in my opinion this story probably needs some more structure to make it an more exciting read. It would help in that regard if you would work on writing emotions, but ones that fit. Also some unexpected turns would do it some wonders. For example: They plan to work too Ponyville but an incident stops them from getting there. Maybe someone gets injured, maybe they meet someone, maybe there is an emergency all of a sudden. A lot of stories use plans to break them in a way. It is always exciting if something is planned but suddenly the whole situation changes. Of course that's only one way to bring in some excitement, but it is a good way. Changing plans is used quite often for a reason. Or at least I have read that quite a few times while being here.
I hope this will help you improve your writing!
7255196 I agree.