chapter 15 Good news
"C'mon wake up already!!" Twilight shouted, pushing her hooves as hard as she could into Vilefors massive side.
"Viley wiley wakey wakey!" Pinkie Pie shouted, jumping up and down on his back.
"Nnh can't hear you sleeping." Vilefor answered, reaching his arm behind him and picking up the bouncing annoyance and putting her on the ground instead.
"Aww how cute, he's sleeptalking and sleep carrying." Pinkie said, petting him on the head.
"He is not! he is just lazy! get up! come on I know the way now!" Twilight growled, as she kept pushing him harder in the side.
"Why do I have to follow?" Vilefor said, lifting himself up slightly and moving himself a bit away before laying himself down again, causing Twilight to fall forward as she did another push on his side.
"Because you are the reason the princess is even here!!" Twilight growled, as she got up again.
"Oh yeah....... just tell her where she can find me." Vilefor answered, with a wave of his hand without even raising his head or looking at her.
"No!! you just don't tell the princess to come over! why did you become such a problem all of a sudden!!?" Twilight sighed, dragging her front hooves over her face in annoyance.
"Please Spanky, I have always been a bother, remember the tests?" he said with a smile.
"Yes and it's Sparkle." She said with a frown.
"And I thought you were just clumsy." She continued with a small smile.
"Hey...bah you're right, what is so special about me anyway?" He said, raising his head a bit before letting it back down.
"Uhm guys?"
"That is what we will know when we get to the princess!!" Twilight shouted, giving him a hard shove.
"Oh right you have no records of any kind about my kind........... how much is it worth to you Spanky Sparkle?" He said, scratching his ear.
"Guys?"
"Worth? we let you free!" She fumed, running around him and staring him into his eyes.
"Oh yeah." He yawned, as he closed his eyes.
"Don't close your eyes at me!" She said poking him on his nose.
"Guys?"
"I close my eyes at anyone I want and what is it pink one? I forgot your name uh Pinkerton?" He said, turning his head towards Pinkie, who just stood there staring up into the sky.
"Uhm did princess Celestia said anything about bringing the entire army with her?" Pinkie asked, still looking straight up into the sky.
"Uh no, why do you ask?" Twilight asked, confused as she turned her attention towards Pinkie.
"Well I just saw alot of pegasi in royal fancy armor passing above us and I don't think I have the balloons or cakes for everypony." Pinkie said, putting a hoof to her chin.
"Well that's not suspicious at all, you know what Spanky? I think after seeing that, I will go deeper into the forest maybe find a nice cave and just hide from the public eye, nice meeting you." Vilefor said, looking up seeing some more pegasi fly over them, swallowing loudly as he got up on all four.
"Wait don't run away! it's probably just a misunderstanding!" Twilight shouted, as she grabbed onto his tail as he begun walking away.
"Sure an army is a misunderstanding I'm sure of it, they won't skin me and make the princess a new dress and carve a new throne from my bones." He said, as he stopped and looked at Twilight hugging his tail as hard as she could, while digging her backhooves in the ground.
"What?!! are you mad? the princess would never do anything like that." She said, shocked as she let go of his tail.
"Then what is the army for?" He asked, lowering his head to pony levels and looking her in the eyes.
"W-well I-I uh.... oh I get it! I sent the letter before any of us knew you could speak!!" Twilight said, scratching her neck nervously trying to find an answer.
"That actually makes sense, but if this is a trap I will start raining meteors all over." He said, blinking a few times before pointing a big claw towards Twilight
"What? that's a random thing to say." Twilight said, tilting her head to the side.
"Oooh you can do that? that is sooooo coooool" Pinkie said bouncing up and down with excitement.
"Not really, I mean I had it in my mind since I saved Fluttershy and all, but uh im not sure I can do magic." Vilefor answered, scratching his neck.
"Aww don't be like that, you got big horns it makes you able to do magic right Twilight?" Pinkie said, smiling at her friend.
"No and yes." Twilight answered.
"So it's a maybe?" Vilefor interrupted.
"No."
"So it's a yes?" Pinkie said, before letting Twilight finish..
"No!"
"My head hurts." Pinkie said, rubbing her head with her hooves.
"And I'm confused." Vilefor said, scratching his head.
"Gah can we take this discussion some other time? we need to get to the princess!!!" Twilight growled, with a tired sigh.
"Gah fine I will! just stop yelling at me!! grmmbl both of you get up and Spanky point the way!" Vilefor growled back, laying himself down to let the ponies climb up.
"Okie dokey." Pinkie said happily bouncing up on his back.
"It's Sparkle and it is that way. now let's move!" Twilight said, as she climbed on top of his head and pointed a hoof at the direction of Sweet Apple Acres.
"Alright! just remember if I get killed I am sooo gonna haunt you." Vilefor said, as he got up and began to sprint to where she was pointing.
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I haven't actually read this, but going off the description, clearly you've never woken up lost in an unknown place with a big purple body and a headache in the rain.
A behemoth rainning meteors if he is bothered? Send it back to the void!
aw man you bastards make me happy lol posted a new chapter a few hours ago and now when i check boom 37 notifications of watching you favorited and comments
2266203
This story actually made it into the featured box, which is how I found about it. The story is interesting in every aspect, I seriously don't remember the last time I didn't know what to except to happen next. It doesn't matter that the spelling is sometimes a tad off, and that your way of writing is quite unique, the story is nevertheless easy to read, and it has a good plot.
2266433
this story has a plot? lol
SPANKLE SPARKLE!!
GHOST NAPPA!!
2266872
There's a plot, sort of. I like to think of the plot as "let's see what happens". As in, "let's put some cats and dogs in a locked room and see what happens".
I also noticed you've stopped separating the dialog from the exposition, merging it all into a single paragraph. Your writing skills are improving, huzzah!
2267086
good to hear that lol especially now that the damn story is in the feature box thingy and i get swamped by readers lol
2270541
hmm many harsh words lol will try and improve on it and also wtf happened to the site layout it looks like shit now
Bloody brilliant sir. Keep up the good work
Also
Ditt användarnamn är svenskt. Detta framhäver frågan om du själv är svensk. Så är du också en svenne eller gillar du bara det svenska språket?
2313380
aha äntligen nån som gissar på nationalitet
2344258
lol everything is so true but at first i cared about this story now i only write it for funsies its actually theres guys like you who can keep track when theres alot of shit like this story
Nice story although you need longer chapters
2426761
maybe but there is just a certain amount of bullshit that can be comprised into text lol
can he make it rain meteorites??
lol if they did kill him, there are some behemoths with a not so passive ability to summon giant meteors on their last breath that could level mountains. Question is does he have it?
If I'm killed I am so gonna haunt you
3116040
i didnt know vilefor was such a common name lol
but no to both
The story is interesting, but Vilefor is quite the pushover. In particular, he is accepting responsibility for ponies attacking him (including accepting that because of it he owes them a debt), and considers them letting him free to be a bargaining chip, despite the injustice of the initial imprisonment.
Should you decide to continue this story, I would recommend changing this.
3175016
did you just made an analysis of this story?
well this is not exactly a good story or well made at the start it was but then it kinda mutated.
but thanks for th epoints will think about it if i ever make a more serious try at this story
3175782 It's less analysis and more constructive criticism.
An analysis of the story would examine the entirety to see how well you pace things, how well you've thought the story out, etc; essentially, it would tell you what level of quality the story has without necessarily telling you what works and what doesn't.
Constructive criticism, on the other hand, tells you "I think you messed up this particular story element. Here's why I think that, and here's one way to fix it."
Constructive criticism helps improve incomplete stories, while an analysis of a completed story helps readers decide whether it is worth reading.
3176769
Well whatever it is it is helpfull
and i thank you anyway for it
Considering you didn't capitalize the 'I', I can believe that.
3538888
well from what i think the trees in everfree is bigger and more wildgrown than other trees
and he is a hungry bastardjust imagine pinkie pie on a bigger scale
and well i tried to make atleast his head kinda the size of a pony or slightly bigger
and i guess a regular twilight is 1 meter tall i see big mac as 1.5 meters tall and sweetie belle 0.5 meters tall
vilefor himself i guess is uh around 3 meters tall when on all 4 and 5 meters tall when on his back legs
ithink its all correct was so long ago i even gave this story a thought since i just wasnt inspied enough to continue it
but im glad to see so many bastard loving this story for some reason
3559999
fine i actually found out i had already started chapter 16 so i might post it atleast before next sunday