“Spike, where are you?” Princess Twilight wandered the halls of her castle, in search of her number one assistant, dearest friend, and sole charge.
“In here, Twilight.” Spike's voice could be heard echoing in the distance through the halls of the near-empty castle. “I'm in the storage room doing some reorganizing of my comics.”
Twilight trotted further down the voluminous, sparsely decorated hallway, following the direction from which his voice had come. When she arrived at the door of the storage room, she poked her head in to see what he was up to. What she saw was the little purple and green dragon kneeling on the floor, surrounded by a myriad of boxes full of comics.
“You're the expert at this, do you think I should keep my mint condition comics mixed in with the non-mint versions and sort them by volume?” He held a sealed comic in one claw, motioning up and down with it while he spoke. “Or should I just keep all the mint comics in separate boxes?”
Twilight's eyes twinkled at the thought of a book-sorting. Unable to resist giving advice on how to organize books – even comic books – she happily pushed aside her own reason for being there and rushed over to get a closer look. “Well, Shining Armor always kept his mint comics separate in a special place so they wouldn't get accidentally thrown out by our parents.”
“Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Thanks Twilight!”
“No problem. I'm just impressed with how you're taking an initiative to keep your comics organized,” she said, beaming with pride. “My flair for shelving must be rubbing off on you!”
The little dragon's eyes bulged momentarily at the thought of becoming as obsessive over keeping things in place as much as his caregiver was, before they finally gave way to a defeated look. “Hmm. Y'know, when you put it that way, maybe I'll just leave them scattered all over the floor instead…” He jokingly reiterated his point by gently tossing aside the comic he was holding.
Twilight giggled with delight, “Oh, Spike, you're so silly sometimes.”
Spiked responded with a sheepish grin as she patted him lovingly on the head.
“Anyway, I came here to ask if you can do a really big favor for me,” she continued, “if you don't mind?”
The smile that accompanied her request seemed sincere, but he knew better and eyed her suspiciously with a furled brow. “I hope it's not unclogging the toilet again, like I had to after dinner during the castlewarming party with all our friends a month ago.” Spike shuddered at the memory. “Who knew all of you could make so much-”
“Spike!” Twilight slapped a hoof quickly over his snout, her features immediately reddening. “Ahem, it's nothing like that.” She let out a slight, uneasy chuckle before regaining her composure and continuing, “I need you to be a part-time assistant to another pony, just for a few days.”
“Oh, um, okay.” he answered with a slightly dejected expression. “Since you're going through the trouble of asking me, I guess it's not Rarity…”
“I'm afraid not. But you probably know this pony; it's one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders' little friends – Diamond Tiara.”
Spike sighed with a frown and shut his eyes tight in disgust. “Twilight,” he started, gesturing with his claws as he spoke, “first of all, Diamond Tiara isn't one of the Crusaders 'friends'. She's actually the town bully!”
“What? How can that be?” Twilight wondered aloud. “She was with them when they all came over for their weekly learning sessions with me.” Thinking back, however, she realized that event wasn't as great as she remembered. “Granted, it turned out the others just wanted to be around me and not actually learn anything, but she seemed nice enough.”
“Yeah, I was there, remember?” Spike huffed. “You had me make all those nachos, which I then had to throw away because you kicked everypony out!”
“Oh right…” Twilight chagrined. “I still feel bad I asked you to do all that work for nothing.”
A muffled, smoky snort was Spike's only reply. He wasn't actually angry; he knew Twilight really did feel bad for what happened that day, and it wasn't her fault a bunch of foals hurt her feelings enough that they had to leave. But now having been reminded of that event along with a request to assist somepony who he wasn't particularly fond of, quite frankly, made him feel a bit peevish. “Anyway, why does she need me for an assistant? Don't her parents already have one of those fancy servant-type ponies?”
“Yes, they do. But Diamond's mom, Spoiled Rich-”
Spike smirked upon hearing the mare's name. That's too perfect.
“Yeah, I know,” she shook her head and smiled, “it's a pretty unfortunate first name. But she seemed gracious enough when I spoke with her.”
“That's probably because you're royalty now…”
“I suppose.” Twilight frowned slightly at the thought, but didn't want to dwell on the idea of yet another pony treating her differently since the coronation. “In any case, she was here a little while ago and told me she was just elected president of the school board, so she's moving from Canterlot back to her house here in Ponyville.”
“The Rich's have two houses?”
“Yes, and while all of them are busy traveling between Canterlot and Ponyville, she figured it would be nice for Diamond Tiara to have you help out a bit until it's done.”
“But I still don't understand why she'd want me? Can't she just hire some more help?”
“Apparently you have a stellar reputation, Spike! Who knew, right?” Twilight laughed and winked at him, much to his disapproval.
“Har har,” he responded dryly, recognizing she was teasing him.
“Anyway, she said she first saw your figure in the stained glass window at the royal castle in Canterlot and inquired as to who it was. She was surprised to learn that dragon was my assistant, so when she arrived she came straight over and asked me whether you'd be willing to do a job for a few days.”
Spike grinned confidently, now utterly pleased with himself. “Hmm, I suppose it's not really too surprising that your number one assistant's hard work and good deeds don't go totally unnoticed! Did she mention the awesome statue they built in my honor in the Crystal Empire?”
Twilight giggled at her assistant's sense of ego, “No, she didn't say anything about that, but she did seem excited at the possibility of having a royal celebrity around. So, what do you say, Spike? I told her I'd ask before giving her an answer. Maybe it's something you'd be interested in?”
“While I appreciate the fact that she thinks so highly of me, it still means I'd have to be around her daughter all day. I just don't think there's much in it for me. Besides, how am I going to assist her when I'm supposed to be helping out here?”
“Don't worry about helping me, Spike. I'm sure I can handle things okay. I am an alicorn after all, right?” Twilight laughed. “I should be able to whip up a few spells to keep things nice and tidy for a few days at least.”
“You mean the ones like that come-to-life spell you used during Winter Wrap Up?” Spike looked around the room warily, lost in his thoughts about the possibilities. “Why do I have a bad feeling that if I leave I'll be coming back to a castle filled with evil brooms, mops, and dusters all trying to do away with me the moment I step foot through the front entrance?”
“Oh Spike, don't be such a worrywart. That's my job, silly!” she replied facetiously, gently nudging him with her hoof. He could only muster a half-hearted smile at her levity, still being disenchanted with the situation.
“And, as for what's in it for you,” she continued, “Spoiled Rich told me if you agreed to the job she'd pay you two gems a day.”
His eyes brightened at the mention of gems. “Well, two gems for each day isn't too bad – if they're decent, that is.” Spike smacked his lips at the thought of munching on some tasty rubies and sapphires. “It has been awhile since I've had any really good ones,” he sighed. “Lately, Rarity's been mail-ordering these supposedly ‘dragon cut’ gems instead of going out with me to dig up raw ones and giving the discards to me to snack on.”
The more Spike thought about it, the more agitated he became. “I mean, c’mon – I’m a dragon! I could learn to sculpt gems just as well as any of those so-called ‘professional’ dragons could!” he finished with a huff.
Twilight giggled and winked at him. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were jealous.”
Spike’s eyes widened as his cheeks turned a light shade of crimson. “Uh, no way! I just – I mean – she’s supposed to be saving up for that new boutique in Canterlot she’s had her eye on, right? Why waste bits on those gems when she could be getting them for free?”
Twilight patted him gently on the head. “Whatever you say, loverboy.” she replied with a friendly snicker, which left the poor little dragon flustered and unamused as she finished her pitch. “So, does knowing you’ll be getting paid help you with your decision at all?”
Spike scratched at an itch on his nose and got back to the choice at claw. It was evident his stomach had clearly voted yes, and his brain was also liking the idea of actually getting paid for doing work. But his heart – well… it still wasn't in it. Besides dealing with Diamond, he also had some misgivings about leaving Twilight to her own means, especially when it came to preparing meals. After all, he had been doing that job ever since he was old enough to use the oven!
“But who will cook for you?” he blurted out. “Please don't tell me you're going to eat fruit and plain hay the whole time?”
“I've got it covered,” Twilight calmly reassured him. “I'll eat dinner over at Sugarcube Corner with Pinkie! How does that sound?”
“Well, that does sound like a plan. I'm still not sure about it, though – you haven't heard the stories about Diamond Tiara that I have from the Crusaders. She can be pretty cruel…”
Twilight wondered why a little filly like her had decided to make so many problems for other ponies. Wouldn't it simply be easier to make friends instead of causing grief? It almost seemed like… Yes, of course!
“You know, Spike,” she said, smiling confidently, “perhaps this would be a good opportunity to try and show her a better way? It would be kind of like going on your own map adventure, except you'd be going as my emissary, spreading the message of friendship to somepony who really needs to hear it!”
Spike froze as he processed her words. His eyes widened momentarily before he finally relaxed and shot her a sly grin. “Oh, you're good. Really good, in fact!”
“Thanks. I think…” Twilight replied reluctantly, her voice turning more forceful as she went on. “But right now I can't tell if you're being sincere or if you're being sarcastic, because-”
“Oh no, I think it's a great idea!” he quickly interrupted, alarmed by the change in her tone. But his features soon turned sober: “That map room, down the hall there. I have my very own chair at the table – my very own! But what I don't have is a cutie mark like the six of you girls do, and I never will. So I always figured I'd be stuck back here at the castle, feeling like a spare wagon wheel with nothing to contribute,” he finished, sniffling away a tear.
“Oh, Spike, you'll always have something to contribute,” she responded as she bounded over to him, wrapping her forelegs around his chest, pulling him into an embrace as she fell back on her haunches. “The Tree of Harmony wouldn't have included you if you didn't!”
“I hope that's true. And I'm sorry I made you doubt me, I was only kidding around a bit there. It really was an impressive speech!”
“Hey, I learned from the best.” She craned her neck slightly sideways over his green frills and looked him straight in the eye. “Aren't you dragons well-known for being incredibly persuasive?” she finished with a wink.
“Maybe. Let me know if you run across one who is, okay?” he half-chuckled as he rubbed at a leftover tear.
Twilight couldn't help but respond with a single chuckle to the little drake's deprecation of not only himself but of the dragons he's met in general. “Alright, alright then,” she sighed, squeezing him tighter and getting back to the original question. “So, does this mean you've decided to take on this challenge?”
“You can count on it! I'll be the best assistant I can and show her what friendship is all about!”
“Thank you, Spike. This really means a lot to me.”
“Besides…” he added coyly with a smile, “how could I turn down all those delicious gems?”
Twilight laughed, gently rocking the little dragon she cradled, “Oh, Spike. You and your gems…”
So, right off the bat, I was skeptical of the premise. Stories where characters are suddenly stuck in bizarre situations for no good reason are a dime a dozen, and I feel like this happens to Spike more often then not.
Naturally, I was pleasantly surprised to find that this story is dedicating a great deal of time and effort towards selling the premise. And frankly, I buy it. I'm interested in where this goes.
Not a bad start! Let's add this to some groups and see if we can't get it some more votes, eh?
*sigh*
Is this one of those "Let me show how I can do it better than the writers of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic who have experience in writing and lots more knowledge about writing than me and who do it for their whole lives already, because the episode was so much flawed, oh my god, and this clearly needs to be fixed!" stories again?
It doesn't happen often, but everyone of those kind of stories is one too much.
Alright, I'll bite.
That AN has me worried that this story will just fade away without finishing, but I think this initial effort is worthy of being tracked.
--Spade
6666216 Oh it will be finished, mark my word. If it isn't, it means I'm dead.
6665725
Not at all! In fact, if I'm successful, there shouldn't be the need to change a single thing in "Crusaders of the Lost Mark." I'm simply filling in some of the backstory to DT's transformation for my own edification. I hope others will find it satisfying, too!
6665585
Thanks and thanks for the group adds! I was planning on doing that eventually, but had to research which ones were apropos.
6665310
Thanks! I'm going to try my best to keep it as true to the show as possible. I am glad I spent the extra time, since the original draft simply had Spike doing it for the reward, but it seemed cheap. Thus the improved setup.
True, when we need someone to be the butt of the joke, Spike is always here.
6666521
You are most welcome. Best of luck with your story.
6667649 Touche! At least things have gotten better for him the last half of season 5. We'll see what happens in the finale...
Not a bad start!
I actually like this so far and the moment between Twilight and Spike is so sweet.
I'm definitely tracking this one!
That part about Rarity seems a little backwards. If she has so much work, wouldn't she be out mining more? I don't think buying the gems for her dresses and selling them for more would be cheaper then getting them herself .
But that's just me over thinking again.
This is an ok start. I would like to see where it goes though.
6688529 Actually, that's a good point. When I wrote that I was simply thinking her sewing work would keep her busy, forgetting about how many gems she goes through while making her dresses. I guess if I were to come up with a lame-ish excuse it would be she was needing mail ordered dragon-cut gems around that time (maybe they were in vogue then?) so unless Spike is already trained in gemcutting, she'd have to order them.
I'll have to think about this and see if there's some better excuse to have her too busy to hang with Spike and put it into a revised chapter 1 in the future. Thanks!
While the fic is an interesting idea, there's one major advice I have to give you:
It would be good if you would cut back on the Spike appreciation a little.
Can you see what I mean? It's a bit much. This reads like you have forcefully put together all the complaints that bronies have ever made about Spike's role and portrayal in the show.
I can see that you like Spike a lot. And I have nothing against him. But a good story must feel natural while reading, and here, it feels like you just wanted to hammer it into the head of every reader that Spike is the absolute best and that nothing can ever conquer his greatness as hard as possible.
It currently reads more like a speech for Spike you make, where you gush over him and express how much you worship him with the goal to get others to like him too, not so much like a story.
Reading this story feels quite awkward and artificial if every third paragraph basically says: "Spike is so great, admire him!". A little like you wanted to manipulate your readers into liking Spike with subliminal messaging.
And it becomes also repetitive to see that emphasized so often.
My advice here is to take out a few of these "Spike Appreciation Emphases" and rewrite the respective paragraphs where they are in and to be more careful with that in the next chapters. You went overboard there quite a bit.
Aside from this, I have huge problems with imagining that Twilight didn't know that Diamond Tiara was a bully. Has she really never heard about how she is?
What is with Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, did they never mention something during one of their Twilight Times?
What's with Applejack? And with Rarity and Rainbow Dash? Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle have definitely told their big sisters about the bullying, for Applejack we even have a direct confirmation that she always knew about their bullying from "One Bad Apple", surely at least one of them brought it up during a talk with Twilight that her little sister gets bullied by Diamond Tiara.
Diamond Tiara caused it that the whole town got their private lives exposed by the Gabby Gums articles of Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle and after she was revealed to having them encouraged and, later on, blackmailed them to get them to continue the job, after Cheerilee found out, it sure made its rounds in the town.
And Twilight saw firsthoof the gleeful reaction of Diamond Tiara to the mishap of Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle at the end of the Twilight Time to which she came with Silver Spoon and the whole school.
Twilight must have heard about it that Diamond Tiara is a bully or having been able to figure it out for herself, with all these circumstances, there is no way she couldn't have.
This is something where your story doesn't add up.
But you're not a writer for the show..... So, this means you just said that without this fic and you being successful with it, a change of the episode would be necessary.
In other words, you're trying to "fix" the episode.
Also, this:
This is you basically saying your fic here is better than "Princess Spike" and that they should rather take your fic for the show than this episode.
Are you sure about it that you're "not at all" trying this?
6713303 Thanks for the detailed commentary. I see your point, and it is true I do gush over Spike when talking about him to others. But I do want to point out a few things:
This really isn't puffing Spike's character up. This phrase tries to establish what their relationship is, which I have a great deal of difficulty doing since it's hard to describe. The "number one assistant" line is what the show uses all the time when she refers to Spike, and I'm following suit. And I really do think he his her dearest friend, more so than a "son" or a "little brother". "Sole charge" is what he currently is to her in a legal sense; I'm not sure that says anything about how good or bad Spike is.
I agree with you on the "favorite" part; I think that's already established and will make the necessary changes.
I see your point in this one, but it really does bother me that the show does things to the characters (and not just limited to Spike) where some joke or gag is done at their expense and there's really no acknowledgement that it bothered the character that caused the pain. So, this was just a little nod to the audience that Twilight really does care.
Actually, Twilight's trying to be sarcastic here and isn't really saying anything nice about Spike, nor should the audience take it that way. Hence his equally sarcastic response to her line. But maybe I failed to make it clear; I'll see if I can improve it a bit to make it clearer (unless I get a ton of comments that it's fine the way it is).
This is Spike's ego showing. It came about from his early days when he was often admiring himself in the mirror, or his reaction to his statue in the Crystal Empire. While it is saying something nice about Spike, since it's coming from that character themselves, it actually says something negative about them instead.
I'm not sure how this says something nice about Spike; I guess this is something that you thought was a passive-aggressive slap at the show for not including Spike on any of the cutie map adventures? I didn't mean it that way; I was simply stating the fact that he can't really go on one "officially" since he doesn't have a cutie mark, and doing this favor was a way to do something for Twilight other than cook and clean. (Also his lack of a cutie mark figures
into chapter 2later in the story, so I needed to bring up this point, anyway.)Okay, this I do see as me being passive-aggressively critical of how the show treats Spike. But this is the first real instance of me making some commentary about that
Here I'm actually being nice to dragons in general and not Spike in particular. And yes, I do feel like other species in the show kind of get portrayed poorly. Dragons are all greedy jerks, gryphons are all uncaring greedy bullies (which at least has an explanation now). So I don't want to change this even though it's true I'm making a bit of commentary again.
Well, I'm going on what the show has shown and not what it hasn't. There hasn't been a single instance of Twilight scowling over DT., And yes, Applejack did see it firsthand and scowled at her, so she definitely knew. Whether AJ told Twi or not isn't known, and seeing how AJ doesn't like to badmouth others behind their back I'm not so sure she did.
I can't speak for the others of the Mane 6, though I doubt Rainbow Dash knows - if she did, DT wouldn't be bullying Scootaloo anymore, but that doesn't seem to be the case in "Crusaders of the Lost Mark."
I'll rewatch "Twilight Time" again and see if there's anything that drops a hint otherwise as to how she feels towards DT.
Anyway, I'll try to pay heed to how much gushing I do over Spike in the rest of the chapters. If it seems excessive, I'll edit it. One thing I won't do is not have the characters stop being nice to one another. There's a scene
in chapter 2coming up between Spike and Sweetie Belle and yes, she's going to be sympathetic towards him.As for trying to out-do the writers, yes, I think they did make a mistake with "Crusaders" because of the abrupt change. When she's singing about "Would you believe I wish I could be somepony else?" my answer is no, not really, because there hasn't been an inkling of her character showing she enjoys anything but being a bully.
And yes, while I didn't say I could write a better episode than "Crusaders" (it needs some pre-establishment, which is what I'm doing) I think I could write a better episode than "Princess Spike."
Huh. That was some pretty solid dialogue right there! Mixed with dynamic emotions on display!