> Dragons Eat Diamonds, Don't They?
>  by Truffles
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> A Really Big Favor
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Spike, where are you?” Princess Twilight wandered the halls of her castle, in search of her number one assistant, dearest friend, and sole charge.

“In here, Twilight.” Spike's voice could be heard echoing in the distance through the halls of the near-empty castle. “I'm in the storage room doing some reorganizing of my comics.”

Twilight trotted further down the voluminous, sparsely decorated hallway, following the direction from which his voice had come. When she arrived at the door of the storage room, she poked her head in to see what he was up to. What she saw was the little purple and green dragon kneeling on the floor, surrounded by a myriad of boxes full of comics.

“You're the expert at this, do you think I should keep my mint condition comics mixed in with the non-mint versions and sort them by volume?” He held a sealed comic in one claw, motioning up and down with it while he spoke. “Or should I just keep all the mint comics in separate boxes?”

Twilight's eyes twinkled at the thought of a book-sorting. Unable to resist giving advice on how to organize books – even comic books – she happily pushed aside her own reason for being there and rushed over to get a closer look. “Well, Shining Armor always kept his mint comics separate in a special place so they wouldn't get accidentally thrown out by our parents.”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Thanks Twilight!”

“No problem. I'm just impressed with how you're taking an initiative to keep your comics organized,” she said, beaming with pride. “My flair for shelving must be rubbing off on you!”

The little dragon's eyes bulged momentarily at the thought of becoming as obsessive over keeping things in place as much as his caregiver was, before they finally gave way to a defeated look. “Hmm. Y'know, when you put it that way, maybe I'll just leave them scattered all over the floor instead…” He jokingly reiterated his point by gently tossing aside the comic he was holding.

Twilight giggled with delight, “Oh, Spike, you're so silly sometimes.”

Spiked responded with a sheepish grin as she patted him lovingly on the head.

“Anyway, I came here to ask if you can do a really big favor for me,” she continued, “if you don't mind?”

The smile that accompanied her request seemed sincere, but he knew better and eyed her suspiciously with a furled brow. “I hope it's not unclogging the toilet again, like I had to after dinner during the castlewarming party with all our friends a month ago.” Spike shuddered at the memory. “Who knew all of you could make so much-”

“Spike!” Twilight slapped a hoof quickly over his snout, her features immediately reddening. “Ahem, it's nothing like that.” She let out a slight, uneasy chuckle before regaining her composure and continuing, “I need you to be a part-time assistant to another pony, just for a few days.”

“Oh, um, okay.” he answered with a slightly dejected expression. “Since you're going through the trouble of asking me, I guess it's not Rarity…”

“I'm afraid not. But you probably know this pony; it's one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders' little friends – Diamond Tiara.”

Spike sighed with a frown and shut his eyes tight in disgust. “Twilight,” he started, gesturing with his claws as he spoke, “first of all, Diamond Tiara isn't one of the Crusaders 'friends'. She's actually the town bully!”

“What? How can that be?” Twilight wondered aloud. “She was with them when they all came over for their weekly learning sessions with me.” Thinking back, however, she realized that event wasn't as great as she remembered. “Granted, it turned out the others just wanted to be around me and not actually learn anything, but she seemed nice enough.”

“Yeah, I was there, remember?” Spike huffed. “You had me make all those nachos, which I then had to throw away because you kicked everypony out!”

“Oh right…” Twilight chagrined. “I still feel bad I asked you to do all that work for nothing.”

A muffled, smoky snort was Spike's only reply. He wasn't actually angry; he knew Twilight really did feel bad for what happened that day, and it wasn't her fault a bunch of foals hurt her feelings enough that they had to leave. But now having been reminded of that event along with a request to assist somepony who he wasn't particularly fond of, quite frankly, made him feel a bit peevish. “Anyway, why does she need me for an assistant? Don't her parents already have one of those fancy servant-type ponies?”

“Yes, they do. But Diamond's mom, Spoiled Rich-”

Spike smirked upon hearing the mare's name. That's too perfect.

“Yeah, I know,” she shook her head and smiled, “it's a pretty unfortunate first name. But she seemed gracious enough when I spoke with her.”

“That's probably because you're royalty now…”

“I suppose.” Twilight frowned slightly at the thought, but didn't want to dwell on the idea of yet another pony treating her differently since the coronation. “In any case, she was here a little while ago and told me she was just elected president of the school board, so she's moving from Canterlot back to her house here in Ponyville.”

“The Rich's have two houses?”

“Yes, and while all of them are busy traveling between Canterlot and Ponyville, she figured it would be nice for Diamond Tiara to have you help out a bit until it's done.”

“But I still don't understand why she'd want me? Can't she just hire some more help?”

“Apparently you have a stellar reputation, Spike! Who knew, right?” Twilight laughed and winked at him, much to his disapproval.

“Har har,” he responded dryly, recognizing she was teasing him.

“Anyway, she said she first saw your figure in the stained glass window at the royal castle in Canterlot and inquired as to who it was. She was surprised to learn that dragon was my assistant, so when she arrived she came straight over and asked me whether you'd be willing to do a job for a few days.”

Spike grinned confidently, now utterly pleased with himself. “Hmm, I suppose it's not really too surprising that your number one assistant's hard work and good deeds don't go totally unnoticed! Did she mention the awesome statue they built in my honor in the Crystal Empire?”

Twilight giggled at her assistant's sense of ego, “No, she didn't say anything about that, but she did seem excited at the possibility of having a royal celebrity around. So, what do you say, Spike? I told her I'd ask before giving her an answer. Maybe it's something you'd be interested in?”

“While I appreciate the fact that she thinks so highly of me, it still means I'd have to be around her daughter all day. I just don't think there's much in it for me. Besides, how am I going to assist her when I'm supposed to be helping out here?”

“Don't worry about helping me, Spike. I'm sure I can handle things okay. I am an alicorn after all, right?” Twilight laughed. “I should be able to whip up a few spells to keep things nice and tidy for a few days at least.”

“You mean the ones like that come-to-life spell you used during Winter Wrap Up?” Spike looked around the room warily, lost in his thoughts about the possibilities. “Why do I have a bad feeling that if I leave I'll be coming back to a castle filled with evil brooms, mops, and dusters all trying to do away with me the moment I step foot through the front entrance?”

“Oh Spike, don't be such a worrywart. That's my job, silly!” she replied facetiously, gently nudging him with her hoof. He could only muster a half-hearted smile at her levity, still being disenchanted with the situation.

“And, as for what's in it for you,” she continued, “Spoiled Rich told me if you agreed to the job she'd pay you two gems a day.”

His eyes brightened at the mention of gems. “Well, two gems for each day isn't too bad – if they're decent, that is.” Spike smacked his lips at the thought of munching on some tasty rubies and sapphires. “It has been awhile since I've had any really good ones,” he sighed. “Lately, Rarity's been mail-ordering these supposedly ‘dragon cut’ gems instead of going out with me to dig up raw ones and giving the discards to me to snack on.”

The more Spike thought about it, the more agitated he became. “I mean, c’mon – I’m a dragon! I could learn to sculpt gems just as well as any of those so-called ‘professional’ dragons could!” he finished with a huff.

Twilight giggled and winked at him. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were jealous.”

Spike’s eyes widened as his cheeks turned a light shade of crimson. “Uh, no way! I just – I mean – she’s supposed to be saving up for that new boutique in Canterlot she’s had her eye on, right? Why waste bits on those gems when she could be getting them for free?”

Twilight patted him gently on the head. “Whatever you say, loverboy.” she replied with a friendly snicker, which left the poor little dragon flustered and unamused as she finished her pitch. “So, does knowing you’ll be getting paid help you with your decision at all?”

Spike scratched at an itch on his nose and got back to the choice at claw. It was evident his stomach had clearly voted yes, and his brain was also liking the idea of actually getting paid for doing work. But his heart – well… it still wasn't in it. Besides dealing with Diamond, he also had some misgivings about leaving Twilight to her own means, especially when it came to preparing meals. After all, he had been doing that job ever since he was old enough to use the oven!

“But who will cook for you?” he blurted out. “Please don't tell me you're going to eat fruit and plain hay the whole time?”

“I've got it covered,” Twilight calmly reassured him. “I'll eat dinner over at Sugarcube Corner with Pinkie! How does that sound?”

“Well, that does sound like a plan. I'm still not sure about it, though – you haven't heard the stories about Diamond Tiara that I have from the Crusaders. She can be pretty cruel…”

Twilight wondered why a little filly like her had decided to make so many problems for other ponies. Wouldn't it simply be easier to make friends instead of causing grief? It almost seemed like… Yes, of course!

“You know, Spike,” she said, smiling confidently, “perhaps this would be a good opportunity to try and show her a better way? It would be kind of like going on your own map adventure, except you'd be going as my emissary, spreading the message of friendship to somepony who really needs to hear it!”

Spike froze as he processed her words. His eyes widened momentarily before he finally relaxed and shot her a sly grin. “Oh, you're good. Really good, in fact!”

“Thanks. I think…” Twilight replied reluctantly, her voice turning more forceful as she went on. “But right now I can't tell if you're being sincere or if you're being sarcastic, because-”

“Oh no, I think it's a great idea!” he quickly interrupted, alarmed by the change in her tone. But his features soon turned sober: “That map room, down the hall there. I have my very own chair at the table – my very own! But what I don't have is a cutie mark like the six of you girls do, and I never will. So I always figured I'd be stuck back here at the castle, feeling like a spare wagon wheel with nothing to contribute,” he finished, sniffling away a tear.

“Oh, Spike, you'll always have something to contribute,” she responded as she bounded over to him, wrapping her forelegs around his chest, pulling him into an embrace as she fell back on her haunches. “The Tree of Harmony wouldn't have included you if you didn't!”

“I hope that's true. And I'm sorry I made you doubt me, I was only kidding around a bit there. It really was an impressive speech!”

“Hey, I learned from the best.” She craned her neck slightly sideways over his green frills and looked him straight in the eye. “Aren't you dragons well-known for being incredibly persuasive?” she finished with a wink.

“Maybe. Let me know if you run across one who is, okay?” he half-chuckled as he rubbed at a leftover tear.

Twilight couldn't help but respond with a single chuckle to the little drake's deprecation of not only himself but of the dragons he's met in general. “Alright, alright then,” she sighed, squeezing him tighter and getting back to the original question. “So, does this mean you've decided to take on this challenge?”

“You can count on it! I'll be the best assistant I can and show her what friendship is all about!”

“Thank you, Spike. This really means a lot to me.”

“Besides…” he added coyly with a smile, “how could I turn down all those delicious gems?”

Twilight laughed, gently rocking the little dragon she cradled, “Oh, Spike. You and your gems…”
> Answering the Call
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The covers stirred under the warm beams of morning sunlight that filtered through the narrow-arched windows lining the walls of Spike's sleeping quarters, kicking up little specks of fluff that glowed like fireflies in the light. It wasn't long before the little dragon's snout poked above the thick blankets, sniffing at an aroma in the air that he knew all too well – pancakes!

He popped up, threw off the rest of his covers and hopped off the bed, dashing out the door to see what was going on. He knew he had slept in; the sun was never that high when he made breakfast for Twilight, and now it seemed somepony was already in his kitchen cooking!

Once he got to the kitchen door, it was plain to see what was going on. There was Twilight, busy at the table serving two stacks of pancakes with syrup and butter. Or to put it more precisely, a full stack in one plate for himself and the other with a single pancake for her.

“Twilight, you're making breakfast? Why didn't you wake me up? You know that's my job!”

“Oh, good morning Spike! Yep, I'm cooking breakfast today. Impressed?”

“Very,” he replied as he rubbed at his eyes, partly due to just waking up and partly to make sure he wasn't seeing things. “So… Either you're doing this as a thank-you for my agreeing to help – or,” he paused to give a smug smile and raised brow, “you're just trying to prove to me that you can actually cook!” he finished as he crossed his arms to complete the look.

“Well, with that kind of attitude mister, maybe I'll just give your plate to Owlowiscious instead?” she said with a chuckle, levitating his plate back into the air.

Having been called out on his remark, Spike relented. “No, no, no. Really – thanks, Twilight.” he said reassuringly as he climbed into his chair at the table, pulling the floating plate of flapjacks back down in front of him.

“You're welcome,” Twilight replied. “Though I have to admit, a part of me did want to do this just to show you I'll be fine while you're away,” she finished with a slight grin.

“I believe you. These babies look delicious!” Upon getting himself all settled, he looked over his stack. “I don't suppose there are any gems baked into them, maybe some sapphires?” he looked up at her with a hopeful expression.

“No gems, I'm afraid. It's nothing fancy; you're the one who knows all about cooking with them,” she ruefully acknowledged as she sat down across from him at the table and began to carve out bits of her pancake with a levitating fork.

“It's no big deal, really. It's not like you can burn them, unless you're cooking with dragonfire or something exotic like that,” he reassured her. “But don't worry about it, Twilight, these are great!” he continued and began to greedily dig into the flapjacks before him. “Besides, cooking with them isn't exactly common knowledge among ponies. I had to have your mom help me experiment when I first started since there were no books at any of the libraries we've been in on that subject.”

“Tell me about it,” she replied, rolling her eyes. “Remind me to use my new royal status to visit the library at the Dragon Council one of these days so I can trade for a few cookbooks on draconic cuisine.”

“I don' know abou' th't,” he worriedly said with a mouthful of pancakes, swallowing them all in a big gulp before he continued. “Knowing the dragons we've met in the past, I'm not sure you'd like some of their recipes…”

“Erm, yeah… you actually make a good point there,” Twilight replied dejectedly. Their run-ins with dragons in the past were not particularly pleasant experiences, and seeing her assistant plow through the breakfast before him only helped remind her of their voracious appetites. “I guess it's a good thing you're a vegetarian, despite being a dragon. I mean, you'd be the first tell me if you had any cravings for foods besides gems and hayburgers, right?” she inquired with a half-smile.

Hearing this made Spike stop and look up, pausing mid-chew, before breaking out in uncontrollable laughter which caused the few remaining bits of pancake in his mouth to spray out onto the table. “Oh, seriously, Twilight! You have absolutely nothing to worry about.”

Twilight, seeing his response and feeling a bit chagrined over the whole affair, couldn't but help join him in his laughter over her unfounded concerns. They slowly regained their composure and he finally spoke in a more steadfast manner to reiterate the point. “I can honestly say I have never felt like snacking on any of my friends. Never,” he finished sternly.

“Anyway,” he continued, “it's not like there's anypony around us preparing foods that would cause me to crave such things, so I guess I've never had to worry about it.”

“Well, that's good to know,” Twilight giggled.

Spike chuckled as he wiped the last few bits of pancake from his snout. “Besides, you'd probably all taste gamey anyway!” he cracked.

“Ha, ha,” she replied sarcastically. “Well, since you're done eating Mr. Comedian, I guess we can get going to inform the Rich family of your decision to help out?”

“Yeah, let me just wash my claws first. I wonder when they'll want me to start?”

“I'm not sure, but I guess we'll find out when we get there. When you're ready, meet me out on the terrace at the end of the hall and we'll get going!”

“The terrace? Twilight, you're not actually thinking of flying us there?”

“As a matter of fact, I am!” Twilight gleamed. “Their house is across town and we're late enough as it is since I let you sleep in.” 

“If I had known staying in bed meant I'd have to risk life and limb, I think I would have preferred to wake up early,” Spike answered weakly. “I made the mistake of suggesting you fly us back from Canterlot when the Tree of Harmony was under attack by the Plundervines, and I almost wound up being a nasty stain on the library window...”

Twilight smiled warmly, trying to allay his fears, “Now, now, there's no need to fret – I've been practicing with a weighted saddle and I truly believe I'm ready to give it another go! Now, go get ready and I'll see you in a bit.”

Spike reluctantly went over to the sink to rinse his claws of the sticky syrup as she left the kitchen. The walk down the down the hall took mere moments, and Twilight soon found herself out on the castle's largest terrace. She took in a deep breath of fresh air and sighed. It was a beautiful morning of blue skies filled with cottony white clouds – the pegasi had really outdone themselves today! Soon after, her faithful assistant arrived at her side.

“Are you really sure about this, Twilight?” Spike asked again with some trepidation.

“Ab-so-lutely! Hop on we'll get under way!”

Spike relented and cautiously climbed onto her back, just as if he was going to ride her for a trot, except he scooted past her wings to keep from getting swatted by them mid-flight. Carefully he pressed himself against the base of her neck, “Is this comfortable for you?”

“Yes, that’s fine. Are you all set back there?”

Spike swallowed hard. “I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Let's try to keep the crashing to a minimum, though. Okay?”

“Hey, give a princess a little credit, why don't you? Like I said I've been practicing!”

“Sure, after we've landed in one piece, thankyouverymuch!” he replied pointedly.

Twilight chuckled and turned toward the open space before her. “Alright, Spike – hold on and get ready for takeoff!”

Spike wrapped his arms around her neck firmly, but not so tight as to cause his driver discomfort. Upon feeling his grip tighten, she started cantering towards the railing that enclosed the terrace. “Here we go!”

She sped to a full gallop towards the edge of the terrace before doing a final lunge forward, kicking out and leaping into the air with maximum force. “Whoooah!” Spike exclaimed as he felt her beating wings create a powerful rush of air at his sides. The vertigo was so intense he had to close his eyes to keep from getting dizzy.

“Just hold on Spike, we're doing fine!” she shouted with a determined look on her face. With a few more flaps of her wings, they gained several more meters of height as the world dropped away once the edge of the terrace went by below. Each downward flap forced him into her spine, and each relaxation caused him to feel weightless. There was so much bouncing around he grabbed her tighter and decided it best to keep his eyes closed until they landed again.

Twilight felt him tense up and spoke up to make sure he was okay. “How are you doing back there?”

“I'm okay, just let me know when we've landed,” Spike replied tersely.

She turned her head momentarily to check on him, and out of the corner of her eye she saw him with his eyes shut tight. She hadn't realized he was so frightened, so with a few more skyward thrusts she then leveled off and went into a calm glide, flapping her wings lightly to keep altitude.

“Okay mister scaredy-no-pants, you can open your eyes again. It should be smooth sailing from here on out.”

“If it's all the same to you, Twilight, I think I'd rather not.”

“C'mon, Spike, it's beautiful up here. Open your eyes and take a look around!”

Spike slowly opened one eye and then the other, and saw that she was right. Sprawled below him was the little town they had called home for well over a year. Without all the bouncing, sliding and grabbing onto her tail he had to do during their last flight, the gentle glide allowed him to truly appreciate the scenery. Even more importantly, this feeling of openness around him – it was exhilarating!

“Wow, Twilight! You're right – this is really a spectacular way to see the town!”

“Isn't it, though? Maybe someday you'll have your own set of wings and we can fly together? Now wouldn't that be great?”

“It'd be awesome!” Spike cried, nuzzling the fluffy lavender neck of his pilot.

Twilight smiled at the thought and the warm feelings they had for one another. However, now wasn't the time to be distracted – she soon refocused on the task at hoof. “Now hold on – we're going to descend towards the Rich's house.”

With that, Spike firmed his grip around her neck again as she did a gradual bank to the left, descending in a spiral glide to the house below them. Spike really tensed up, however, when the bank suddenly turned steep; and even Twilight noticed she was rolling a bit more than she would have liked. She straightened herself out, but the result was she was no longer heading towards the street in front of the Rich's house – instead it was for a hedge…

A hedge in their yard that lined the wall bordering the property.

She flared at the last moment to avoid it, but the loss of speed caused a stall and she dropped the last few feet straight into the ground chin-first, causing Spike to bounce and fly right over her, into said hedge.

“Spike! Are you okay?” Twilight shouted as she got up and hurriedly ran over to him.

Spike rolled out of the dense shrubbery he had been concealed in, bringing along a flurry of leaves and twigs with him. As he stood up, he rubbed a sore spot on his forehead. “Yeaaah, I'm fine. Just getting to know this bush a little better here, that's all,” he quipped, motioning back towards the hedge with his thumb. “Great flight, Twilight. Terrible landing,” he deadpanned, turning to face his ride.

“I'm really sorry about that,” she apologized as she removed a few twigs that had stuck to him due to his untimely visit with the landscaping. “I guess the weighted saddle has a lower center of gravity than you do sitting on my back, and I started to tip over in my turn. Are you sure you're okay?”

“Yeah, don't worry about it. I'm armored, I can take it,” he replied as he rapped on one of the pale green horizontal scales covering his chest. “Let's just head over to the house and get this over with.”

Twilight nodded in agreement as Spike climbed out and walked past her. As he passed, she bit her lower lip – the day wasn't starting out as well as she had hoped it would for him, and she could hear it in his voice. But she still hoped things would go better now that they were here, so she followed him across the lawn.

And quite the lawn it was. In addition to its large size and lush, well-maintained grass, various topiaries were scattered about, along with a pool and patio that took up an entire corner of the property. As the duo looked onward, the double-doored entrance rose up before them, flanked by enormous columns on either side.

Twilight trotted up a short set of steps as Spike stood aside. While it was he who would be agreeing to this arrangement, he felt it best she do the talking, at least initially. She lit her horn to raise the large brass knocker in the middle of the right side door and gently rapped it against its base.

She took a step back towards Spike to wait for a response, and soon after the massive door creaked open there appeared an old, lavender pony standing on wobbly legs with a curly white mane – most of which had fallen out. The coincidence that this pony's fur coat was almost the same color as Spike's scales and that they held similar jobs was not lost on the little dragon. That's freaky…

“Good day, your highness. We have been expecting you,” he said enthusiastically as he bowed and motioned them to enter with his right hoof.

“Thank you. Where would you like us to wait?” she replied as she entered, followed by Spike close behind.

“Over here by the stairs will be fine, your highness. The lady of the house will be with you shortly. Would you care for some hors-d'oeuvres or perhaps a drink for either of you?”

“Some snacks would be great,” Spike chimed in. “Thanks!”

The butler smiled with a twinkle in his eye, clearly amused by the little dragon's pluck. If he has agreed to help out, I truly hope he keeps that attitude – he will surely need it. A look of pity crossed the butler's face; not enough, however, for Spike to notice.

“Very good, sir. As for you, your highness?”

“Nothing for me, thanks,” Twilight quietly answered. With that, the butler turned and headed down the hall and disappeared through a door to the right.

Twilight shot a sharp look at her assistant, “Spike, were you really that hungry? You just ate less than fifteen minutes ago!”

“Sorry, Twilight. When somepony offers food, I can't help myself,” he replied sheepishly. Twilight made a quiet huffing noise in her throat – she supposed it didn't matter since the refreshments were offered. She and Spike then turned their attention to the surroundings.

The interior of the house was exquisitely decorated – colorful drapes tied back with tussles at their midsections hung everywhere, columns with decorative flower-and-gem-themed carvings were holding up arches in every doorway. The rooms were painted in pale earth tones and golden yellows – much more subdued than, say, the interior of the Carousel Boutique. The floor was polished hardwood and appeared to be finished in a dark burgundy stain, the color of which carried right up the treads on the ornate curved stair before them.

“Hey, check it out, Twilight. These floors are so shiny I can see my own reflection!” Spike exclaimed as he pointed to the fairly clear image of himself before squatting down  to get a better look. “Hello there, you handsome dragon,” he quietly said to himself with a bit of a dreamy look in his eyes.

“Fawning over yourself again? Enjoy it while you can,” Twilight replied with a chuckle. “You'll probably be responsible for keeping these floors so sparkling!”

“And you had to go and ruin the moment,” he replied morosely. “Sometimes I think you-”

Spike's rebuke was interrupted by the voice of a mare bursting through the door the butler had gone through earlier. “Princess Twilight, your highness! It's truly an honor to have you pay a visit to our little home.” Her coat was light strawberry in color, with her mane being two shades of deep purple. Her cutie mark was a diamond ring, and she was wearing a studded apron.

“Pardon my lack of formal attire,” she continued, “my husband and I were busy in the kitchen planning where to put the cooking utensils we are to bring from our home in Canterlot later today.” She stopped and finally took notice of the little dragon standing next to Twilight. “And this must be your darling assistant, Spike.” She raised her brow momentarily after getting a good look at him. “Hmm, I thought you might be taller from your picture…”

Spike's features drooped upon hearing this.

“He's still a baby dragon,” Twilight interjected, having taken notice of the change in her partner's mood. “But don't let his size fool you, Mrs. Rich – he may be young for a dragon, but he's been with me nearly all my life, and he's proven himself to be an amazing helper!”

“Oh, I'm sure he does quite alright,” Spoiled conceded. “Besides, it's wonderful to have someone as famous as The Great and Honorable Spike bestow his presence on us.”

Twilight rolled her eyes – oh, he's going to be insufferable after all of this is over!

“Well, the Great and Honorable Spike,” Twilight said in an ever so slight mocking tone before speaking more formally, “wishes inform you that he has agreed to assist Diamond Tiara while you're family moves your belongings from Canterlot to Ponyville.”

“Splendid! The move should only take three days, and seeing how young you are, it will be fine if you wish to return to your castle in the evenings. Randolph here won't be needed with the move after dark, so he and the maids will be available for their usual duties during that time.”

Spike was overjoyed to hear he would be able to return to the castle every night, and felt emboldened by the upswing in his mood. “Twilight mentioned there would be a payment in gems? Two per day, ahem, in fact?” he posited sheepishly.

“Yes, that is quite right. Randolph, if you could be so kind,” she said and motioned for her butler, who had since rejoined the party in the foyer. He made his way over to the far end of the living room and lifted a wooden chest with a gold handle from a cabinet using his mouth. He then carried it back over to Spike and placed it on the floor between him and his host.

“After you have completed your job adequately, you're welcome to take any of the gems from here, two for each day you work for us,” Spoiled continued. She then flipped the lid open, revealing the chest's contents. “I trust these will suffice?”

Spike looked down and saw collection of gems of various types and sizes – amethysts, rubies, sapphires, emeralds, topaz – if Spike could name it, it was there. While there were some small ones, most of them were of a good size and would make for an excellent meal.

Spoiled Rich closed the lid and pushed the chest aside, at which point Randolph took her cue and proceeded to haul it back into the living room for storage. “Now, if all goes well, you should be able to return to your duties with the princess by the end of the weekend. We'll get you started with your duties right now.”

Spike suddenly felt a knot in the pit of his stomach. He hadn't expected to be leaving Twilight so soon! He shot Twilight a pained look before turning back to face Spoiled to make sure he heard right: “Wait, you want me to start right now, as in right this very moment?”

“Of course – the move is already underway, my dear.”
> Bucking the System 
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I thought I would be starting first thing next week!” Spike cried, clearly dismayed by the sudden news.

“Oh, no, no, no – the plan was to do the move today and over the weekend so it would be done by the time everypony had to go back to work and school.”

“Oh… Twilight and I here hadn't really planned on me starting right now. I still have to set up the kitchen for her to cook and prepare the castle, how is this going to work?” Spike shot a strained look over to his charge, his eyes pleading for help in how to answer his own question. She smiled brightly, letting him know it would all be okay.

“Spike, I will be fine. Relax! You go ahead here and get started. I can take care of myself, okay?”

Spoiled's eyes widened – she couldn't have heard what she thought she had just heard. “You mean you have no other servants at the castle?”

“Nope, it's just me and Spike here, keeping things running smoothly! My friends come to help often, but mostly it's just the two of us. We're like two peas in a pod!” Twilight finished, wrapping her foreleg and hoof around her little assistant's shoulder and pulling him close, a happy grin on her face.

“Hmm, how very… curious,” she responded, with a single raised brow. “Ahem – anyway, Spike, I would still love to have you here helping us, if you're willing to start.”

Spike looked at Spoiled and then over to Twilight, wanting to say yes but feeling very apprehensive of leaving Twilight alone so suddenly. But the confident look on the alicorn's face filled him with hope – she really wanted him to succeed! So the decision was plain: “Alright, alright. I'll start today, Mrs. Rich.”

“Excellent! Let me call my daughter down so she can meet the both of you.” Spoiled leaned up on her forelegs over the stairway's railing, and called for her loudly. “Diamond Tiara, we have two very important guests! Would you please come down here this very instant?”

In the distance, the sound of a door opening could be heard, followed by the light clops of hooves coming toward them. Soon, a light-plum colored pony with a white-on-lavender mane appeared at the top of the stairs, and she proceeded to seemingly bounce on her hooves as she trotted on each step, her pace quickening the closer she reached the bottom.

“Princess Twilight! It is so great to see you again!” she exclaimed as she hopped off the bottom step.

Diamond's mother looked at her daughter in surprise, “Again? When did you meet the princess, Diamond?”

“Not too long ago, mother. It was when she still lived in the town library.” Diamond explained, as she walked right past Spike, paying him no attention, and curtseyed before Twilight. “Didn't you know, mother dear, that the Princess of Friendship and I are on close terms?”

Before anypony else could speak, the little group was startled by a sudden and loud smoke-filled cough from the dragon standing next to them, followed by a few short gasps for air, at which point Spoiled broke in, “Spike dear, are you okay?”

Spike cleared his throat and replied, “Yeah, I-I'm fine. Just some issues with the ol' furnace down there, aherm,” he finished uneasily, pounding on his chest in an attempt to feign some sort of problem to cover for his outburst. All the while he was fighting to keep himself from breaking out into riotous laughter from the biggest fib he'd heard in a good while.

Diamond noticed this and shot him a quick scowl before Twilight spoke up, “Oh yes, I've met your daughter before, Mrs. Rich. She was invited over by her-”

Twilight paused momentarily, remembering what the relationship between the Crusaders and Diamond actually was, but decided diplomacy was more important right now, seeing she was standing before the filly's mother. “-her friends, when they were doing studies with me at the library. Perhaps you've met them – Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo?” she finished on a more cheerful note.

There was an uneasy pause as the tips of Spoiled Rich's lips drooped slightly as she glowered at her daughter. After a moment, she finally let out a sigh, and spoke. “Diamond, I think it is wonderful that your 'friendship' has allowed you to get the know her highness better. But, in the future, please be sure to check with me before you socialize with any fillies or colts in town. Do I make myself clear?”

Like a flower under a hot lamp, the little filly wilted at her mother's ultimatum. “Yes, mother.”

Spoiled cleared her throat before continuing, “After all, taking a more personal interest in how my daughter is raised is the main reason I decided to return to Ponyville, especially after the terrible injustice of her being fired as editor of the school newspaper. She wasn't even the one to blame, it was three blank-flanks that were responsible for all the libelous rumors started by the paper.”

Oh no… Twilight did not like where this conversation was going. It was bad enough being present for a family drama; it was made even worse that it was an event she and the Crusaders were personally involved in! Realizing she could get pulled into an argument suddenly made her wish she was back in the tower library in Canterlot, buried in her books like the old days. And what about Spike, he was there, too! It must be making him uncomfortable as well…

Well, not really – he was enjoying every minute of it, and had to keep from grinning comically in front of everypony!

Spoiled again turned to her daughter, and asked in a sarcastic tone, knowing full well the answer, “Now then, what were those ponies' names again, dear?”

Diamond felt a terrible pain in the pit of her stomach as she answered:

“Apple Bloom. Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo.”

Checkmate. Spike felt like he could just burst.

“Why yes, your three 'friends.'” Spoiled turned back the princess, “Now you see why I came back to Ponyville. While my husband does an adequate job with her, I don't feel she is truly learning how to become a success in this dragon-eat-dragon world.” She stopped and quickly turned to Spike, realizing her faux pas. “Oh, no offense to you, Great and Honorable Spike.”

“Don't think anything of it,” Spike assured her, even though he always thought that was a dumb expression; dragons don't eat each other – at least they didn't as far as he knew.  “I already know all too well my kind is somewhat-" he paused momentarily, thinking of a nice way to describe the dragons he's met without throwing an entire species under the chariot. “– unruly. That's why I strive to be more like a pony instead of a dragon.”

“I think that's very commendable! Your close ties to all four of the princesses seems to have refined your manners wonderfully! Yes, you'll make a perfect assistant to Diamond here, perhaps some of that class will even rub off on her?”

“We can only hope,” Spike replied with a sly smile as he stared across the way at Diamond, to which she only responded by finally acknowledging him – with an icy stare.

“Now, as I was saying, my husband – while a fine father – needs to take more of a stand when my daughter is treated unfairly, like she was with her teacher. What is her name again,” she turned to face Diamond again, “Ms. Cheerilee?”

“Yes, mother,” Diamond replied quietly, still smarting from being humiliated in front of the princess.

“Now that I have been elected head of the school board, she will think twice before unfairly blaming somepony for a scandal she did not create!”

“Actually, she – oof!” Spike was abruptly interrupted by a swift but gentle kick to his rump from Twilight. Before he could even complain, he immediately realized he needed to drop the subject – Twilight was looking down at him with a crooked frown, slowly shaking her head.

Spoiled, now deep in her lecture, didn't even notice the slight commotion across from her. “After all, being in the presence of high society and royalty is the only way to move up in the world. That is why I sacrificed my home life with my family to be in Canterlot, where the seat of power lies. However, thanks to you Princess, Ponyville has secured its own royalty, so I could finally make my return and be with my spouse and daughter. Isn't it simply wonderful?”

“I am very happy my ascension has allowed your family to be reunited, Mrs. Rich. Though I must admit the whole royalty thing still makes me a bit uncomfortable…”

“Totally understandable, your highness. Just remember – you have a friend here in Ponyville who is always willing to offer you advice.”

“Oh, um, thanks,” Twilight replied quietly.

“As it is, I need to get back to working on the list for the move. Spike, I will be here all day today to answer any questions you may have, but this afternoon Randolph and the other servants will be traveling with my husband to Canterlot to move the first of the items on the list. During that time, I will expect you to be ready to assist my daughter and I with anything that is required.”

“No problem, Mrs. Rich. I was born ready!”

“Excellent. Diamond darling, why don't you show Spike around and explain to him some of the things he'll be helping with, hm? I'm sure we've taken up enough of the princess' time this morning.”

Twilight was relieved hear these words. While her host was soft-spoken, how she treated her daughter made her feel ill-at-ease. But, even though Twilight was royalty, she did not feel it proper to go poking her muzzle into some other family's business.

“Yes, I probably should be getting back to the castle. You never know when there might be another crisis in friendship that needs resolving, right?” She ended her words on a nervous chuckle, knowing in all likelihood today would be yet another day spent sitting around and doing nothing but reading books in the castle's library.

“Mm, indeed,” Spoiled replied.

“Mother, would it be okay if I start our guest in my room?” Diamond asked in response to her mother's request. She then turned and looked directly at Spike, “I'm sure there are some things that need straightening out.”

“Yes, that will be very good, dear. Off with the two of you, then.”

Diamond turned again to the princess before leaving. “Thank you again for visiting, Princess Twilight,” she said as she bowed her head slightly. “I'm sure we will have much for your dragon to do around here, so he won't be bored.”

“You're welcome, Diamond. It was nice to see you again. Take good care of him for me.”

“Oh, I will…”

With that, Diamond trotted up the stairs, and Spike reluctantly followed her. Halfway up, he turned to look back at Twilight. She was smiling and coaxing him on, so he gave her a half-smile in return and waved goodbye before turning back towards the steps in front of him. I won't let you down, Twilight. I promise!

Once the two of them reached the top of the stairs, Diamond walked a few short steps towards a door on the left and went in. Spike soon followed, after glancing one more time towards the entrance of the house to see Randolph return and open the door for Twilight to make her exit.

Inside, he took in the sight before him that was Diamond Tiara's room. It was the room of a well-to-do filly, alright! Aside from it's voluminous space, it was extravagantly furnished. Across from where he stood in the door, he saw an ornate canopy bed decorated in pink fabric, with lighter pink lacing on the edges. The posts and frame were painted a glossy white and lined with gold trim. On either side of the bed were chests and drawers, also painted white with gold and diamond knobs, each drawer and lid decorated with inset carvings similar to the ones seen on the woodwork throughout the house. Most prevalent of all, however, were various paintings and photos hung on all four walls of the room – most of them enormous in size – all of them featuring the little filly posing in various expensive outfits.

And Twilight complains that I'm too self-absorbed? This room is like a shrine to herself!

Spike took a few more steps into the room, trying to keep his stomach from reacting poorly to all of the gaudy, pink color. Suddenly the door slammed behind him, causing him to jump. From behind the now-closed door was Diamond again, with a scowl on her face that could melt rock.

“Okay, let's get one thing straight, dragon! This was NOT my idea.”

Spike, caught off guard, shrunk back towards the middle of the room, forced along by her strident demeanor.

“You think you're hot stuff around here, do you? Well think again!” The angry little filly stamped her hooves as she walked back and forth between Spike and her bed, mocking her mother's voice as she ranted and raved:

“Oh, we so absolutely have to get the princess' assistant to help you, Diamond! Not only is he her servant, but he has his own stained glass window at the royal castle and is well-known in the Crystal Empire! It will be so beneficial to raising our status across all of Equestria! Bah! I don't need some stupid dragon coming in here and disrupting the system I have worked so hard to create.”

Spike frowned, forgetting any pretense of being diplomatic with her and decided to regain some sense of authority. “First of all, my name's Spike. And for your information, this isn't exactly fun for me, either,” he exclaimed. “Twilight had to convince me to help out while your family works on their move!”

“I don't want to hear about it,” she said dismissively as she fell back on her haunches and sighed. “I was this close to getting mother and father to hire some movers to do the job,” she said, moving her two front hooves close together as a demonstration. “Then Randolph and the maids would  have still been available to serve every request a pony as important as me deserves.”

Spike simply stared and looked through her, unimpressed.

“But nooo, she had to go and visit Celestia and Luna's castle before she left Canterlot, and saw how you're some supposed 'great hero' of some sort.” She let out a huff through her flared nostrils, the ire burning in her eyes. “I have the help around here all trained perfectly, but having you here has ruined my system, so spare me your complaints.”

“Heh, sorry to ruin things for you, sweetie,” Spike grinned sarcastically.

Diamond's features swiftly turned beet red. “Oh, don't even think about talking back to me. You haven't even begun to see how angry I can be when somepony acts like a smart-aleck!” she huffed, now right up in Spike's face. “So listen up, and listen good – here are the only rules you need to follow as my servant-”

“Assistant. I'm your assistant – I'm not a servant to anypony, unless they save my life or something like that.”

“Whatever. Rule number one: Don't talk unless asked to. Keep your flappy lizard-lips sealed at all other times.”

“But can't I-”

“Quiet! Didn't you just hear what I said? Keep your worthless muzzle shut!”

Spike opened his mouth momentarily to fling another comeback, but closed it again after realizing he didn't like the idea of having a shouting match in the house with Mr. and Mrs. Rich downstairs.

“That's better. Now, second,” Diamond continued, “you are to wait outside my room at all times. You will only enter if I request it. Got it?”

Spike gave a sigh of defeat, “Sure.”

“And third, if I want something done, you will do it without question, no matter what it is. If I want you to stand on one leg and sing the Equestrian anthem, you'll do it. Understand?”

“Be your personal clown and slave, check,” he replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Lose the attitude, that won't get you far around here. And finally, the last rule is don't touch anything without my permission.”

“You mean like this?” With that, Spike reached over and rubbed his claws up and down the canopy pole of her bed, grinning deviously at filly across from him.

“You. Are. The. WORST. Assistant. Ever!” Diamond growled. “Honestly, why does the princess keep you around? You're disobedient, you're insolent, and quite frankly, you smell atrocious!”

Spike laughed, “Sorry about that, I wasn't expecting to be working here this soon so I didn't get a chance to take a bath this morning. Besides, it's not so bad.” He demonstrated it to himself by sniffing his right armpit. “See? Hardly any odor at all.”

“Oh, gross!” she wretched at the sight. “That may be fine for a foul beast like yourself, but those of us with more refined tastes – ugh, it's utterly barbaric! If I were Princess Twilight, I'd fire you on the spot.”

“Hmph, if Twilight were even the slightest bit like you, I would have walked out long ago. But she's the total opposite of you – she's a kind, wonderful pony who cares about me a whole lot, and I feel the same about her! She even hatched me!”

“Wait, she hatched you?” Diamond's eyes widened to the size of saucepans and her jaw dropped at this new information. “Wh-what kind of freakish monstrosity are you? You mean she's your mother? I always thought highly of the princess, but if she's been consorting with dragons…”

“She's not my mother, silly. She just hatched my egg – she didn't lay it!”

“Well then, where did you come from, hmm?” Diamond asked, getting right into Spike's face again.

“I-I – don't really know,” Spike admitted sadly. “I don't know who my parents are, but it doesn't matter! All that matters is Twilight and her family are my family now – they all raised me – so one more insult out of you towards them and I'll-”

“Don't get your frills in a bunch, lizard-breath. I have no intentions of insulting the princess. She's royalty. She's done big things with her life. She commands respect and honor, which is more than I can say for a lowly servant like you.”

“I saved the Crystal Empire – twice! How about that, huh?”

“Oh, puh-lease. I've been hearing about the thing with the Crystal Heart for the past few days from my mother. So you carried it – big deal. Anypony with wings could have done the same thing. And quit exaggerating your deeds, you only 'saved' them once.”

“No, I also saved the audience attending the Equestria Games when an arrow caused a cloud to turn into a gigantic iceball. I melted it with my flames!”

“Oh, that,” Diamond waved off his explanation dismissively. “I seem to recall reading about that in the paper or something.”

“You mean you weren't in the audience? I thought everypony went to the games!”

“Hmph, those games were clearly fixed, so we skipped them,” she said with her head turned up and away from Spike with a haughty expression. “When three blank-flanks get picked over somepony as beautiful and talented as me, then something is definitely amiss!” Diamond turned back to Spike to finish her point, “Besides, the organizer was rude and insolent – just like you. She refused to allow my parents to sit with the royals and delegates; even Mayor Mare and Fancy Pants were allowed to sit there!”

“Uh, yeah. That's because they're mayors, duh!”

“Our family is just as important as either of them!”

“Well, somepony obviously didn't think so!” he countered with a smirk.

That was it. She had quite enough of this dragon's mouthing off. “You know what? GET OUT!” she yelled, pointing the scaly little troublemaker towards the bedroom door. “I don't need to hear another peep from you right now. You already know what I expect of you, so just go!”

“With pleasure,” he snorted as he turned and left. As soon as he was outside in the hall, the door slammed shut behind him, causing him to wince. Well, that could have gone better…

With nothing left to do for little-miss-crabby for now, he decided to head back downstairs. Perhaps Spoiled Rich had something for him? As he turned the corner of the baluster at the bottom of the stairs, Randolph suddenly appeared in front of him, looking somewhat flustered.

“Mr. Spike sir, there you are – my deepest apologies! While you were upstairs with Miss Tiara I remembered I still owe you some snacks from earlier.”

“Aw, don't think anything of it. I've kind of lost my appetite, anyway,” Spike lamented. “And here I thought you were coming up to see what all the noise was all about…”

“Oh, I'm used to it,” the old pony chuckled, before becoming more circumspect with his guest. “You had disagreement with the young mistress, perhaps?”

“You could say that,” he sighed. “Why does she have to be so mean all the time?”

Randolph smiled warmly at Spike and then bent down, putting a hoof gently on his shoulder. “My young drake, she wasn't always this way,” he said quietly, looking around to make sure nopony else was in earshot. “When she was a little filly, she had the brightest smile I've ever seen on a pony. She was simply a dear to look after!”

“What happened? It's hard to imagine her ever being anything but a pushy little sourpuss.”

“It would not be proper for me to discuss such matters. Suffice to say, it is perhaps the stress from trying to live up to everypony's expectations that darkened her once-bright demeanor.”

A light bulb suddenly went on in Spike's head, and he was amused by the realization. “Heh, that kind of sounds like a certain Princess of Friendship I happen to know who is also absolutely terrified of failure!” The little dragon's mood turned pensive, however, after thinking about it further. “The thing I don't get is even though Twilight expects to succeed at everything, she doesn't go pushing around other ponies to make it happen. What gives with the mean filly upstairs there?”

“Like I said, it is not proper for me to discuss the wheres and whys of Miss Tiara's current demeanor. All I can add is this: Try to be understanding and simply do what she says. You'll be done in a few days and will return to work for your dear princess.” Having finished his thoughtful advice, Randolph's left Spike with one additional thought, one that brought up a chuckle: “I, on the other hoof, will be serving her until I retire – or drop dead, I suppose!”

Spike wasn't too amused with his new acquaintance's dark sense of humor, and asked the obvious question. “Why don't you simply find another family to, um – buttle – for?”

“And abandon Mr. Rich? I've been serving him since he was a colt – it would be a terrible disservice to walk away simply because the job as his butler was difficult. Besides, I've seen your optimism – somehow I doubt you would be willing to similarly get up and leave the task laid before you here.”

Spike sighed. “Tell me about it. I can't quit because I'd be letting Twilight down; more importantly, I'd be letting myself down.”

“How do you mean, little one?”

“When Twilight told me you guys needed help, she suggested this might be a way to spread her message and improve Diamond Tiara's attitude. While I'm all for helping Twilight, it was really more about proving something to myself rather than just doing her a favor. I mean, if I don't challenge myself, I'll never improve. That's why I learned to cook, to play instruments – even ice skate for crying out loud!”

“So you see, you've answered your own question as to why I can't simply walk away. And, as for improving Miss Tiara's attitude, well… as they say – hope springs eternal!” he sighed with a warm smile, brows raised and eyes looking heavenward. “Now, I must be getting back to my duties, and I imagine you have yours to attend to as well?”

“Actually, that's just the thing – I came down here because Diamond didn't want me around right now, and was looking for Mrs. Rich to see if she had anything for me to do!”

“Oh well, I'm sure she would be happy to put you to work. You will find her in the kitchen, I believe. That is where I left her when I came to find you.”

“Thanks, Randolph! And, thanks for the advice, too. You're pretty swell for somepony that has to deal with a bossy filly all day!”

The old pony laughed, “You're quite welcome, oh Great and Honorable Spike.”

“Spike,” the little dragon corrected him. “If it's all the same to you, you can just call me Spike.”

“Indeed, Spike. That will be perfectly acceptable.”

They both smiled and went their separate ways. Spike, once again reflecting on his Crystal Empire moniker, caused him more worry. How am I going to get through to Diamond? Twilight has entrusted me to accomplish this task!

Trust, he thought, that was surely not misplaced, for a great and honorable dragon such as himself, right?
> An Unwelcome Distraction
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spike made his way further down the main hallway, paying close attention to the doors on either side of him. One of them had to be the entrance to the kitchen, most likely the one he and Twilight had seen Randolph use when they first arrived. As it turned out, he didn't even need to remember – he could tell by the faint smell of stored food coming from behind the door to his right, thanks to his excellent sense of smell.

While he prided himself on getting along with ponies and living their lifestyle, he was still thankful for the talents being a dragon afforded him. The fire breath was absolutely awesome, having claws was clearly advantageous, and being both a biped and quadruped as he saw fit was also very useful.

But one of the gifts he cherished the most was his sense of smell. All dragons had keen noses, and as Twilight explained to him many years ago, it was probably due to how they had to find gems for food and their hoards. After all, not every dragon was lucky enough to have a pony like Rarity around to make that particular task a breeze, so his ancestors likely developed an enhanced set of – what did Twilight call them? 'Old-factory' nerves or something like that – capable of sniffing out gems buried beneath the earth.

Also, it probably made hunting prey easier as well; but he chose not to think about that part of it…

In Spike's case, his nose wasn't nearly as sensitive as his elders' were, but it was very good at detecting  subtle aromas. In fact, it was one of the reasons cooking came so easy to him – he didn't need to measure ingredients. He simply had to sniff the meal being prepared to tell if everything was correct!

And sure enough, as he opened the door, he found himself in one of the most impressive kitchens he'd ever seen. Two of the walls featured a long, continuous run of base and wall cabinetry in an L-shape; all of it topped with dark granite countertops which included a large wash-up sink placed under two diamond-patterned divided light windows. To his immediate left, not one, but two matching mauve combination cooler-icebox units adorned the opposite wall next to which he was standing. In the center was a large prep table, which had its very own sink. To the right of him, two gold-colored ranges with cooktops sat adjacent to the end of the counter on the right hand wall. As if those weren't enough appliances to cook with, a brick wood-fired grill was built into the middle of one side of the prep table with an enormous flue positioned directly above it to vent the fumes.

Gosh, even the Tree of Harmony didn't create a kitchen this extravagant back at the castle!

Suspended from the vaulted ceiling over the prep table were several rows of wood shelving, with various pots and pans hung on hooks below the bottommost shelf. The shelves themselves were mostly empty, and it appeared many of the items were scattered about the kitchen. No doubt due to the move that was underway, and very likely this is what Spoiled and Filthy Rich had been working on when he had arrived.

Over by the far left section of the kitchen were two sets of glass doors, adorned with the same diamond patterned divided lights. A small dinette table sat between both sets of doors, presumably for the owners of the house to eat quick meals, or perhaps it was reserved for the servants?

“Why hello, Spike!” Spoiled Rich popped out from behind the far side of one of the cooler-icebox units; the little dragon was so engrossed in taking in the spectacle of his surroundings he hadn't even noticed her standing back there. “What brings you down here? Doesn't Diamond have anything for you to do?”

“Not at the moment, Mrs. Rich. She, um – explained – to me what she wants and sent me away for now. So I came down here to see if there was anything that needed doing instead.”

“That filly needs to better appreciate what her mother has done for her in securing you as a helper. But no matter, we can certainly use your help here. Do you see that mess over there?” She motioned to the prep table Spike saw with the unshelved cooking utensils and appliances strewn across it. “Those are the items I had Randolph and the maids pull down to make room for the items I want brought back from Canterlot. The three of them will be leaving shortly to pick them up with Filthy, so it would be wonderful if you could box them up and carry them down into the basement. You needn't put them away; I'll have my husband direct the help as to where they should be permanently stored down there later. You can simply leave them at the bottom of the stairs.”

“Sure, I think I can handle that.” Spike wasn't actually so sure; the surface of the prep table was pretty high up for a dragon his size, so getting those items down to the floor wasn't going to be an easy task. “I'll just grab one of the chairs from the dining table over there and use them to climb onto the table here and lower everything down to the floor, one at a time.”

“Oh, nonono! That won't do at all I'm afraid…”

“Huh, what's wrong? Is all this stuff that important?”

“No, it's not that. It's just, well – pardon me for sounding rude, but – although you come with quite a pedigree, I'm afraid having dragon feet – or any kind of feet or hooves for that matter – walking across my prep table simply won't do.”

She had a point there, he realized, especially considering how pungent he usually left them. Although, in a land of quadrupeds he honestly didn't see how his walking on the prep table would be any different from these ponies eating with the same hooves they stand on all day long. The same dirt that was on the floor was going right into their mouths! But, whatever…

“Okay, fine. I'll just grab the items while standing on the chair.” It would take longer, he surmised, but perhaps it was for the best anyway; it meant he could avoid having to go back up to sit around and wait outside Diamond Tiara's room for that much longer.

“Splendid! Now if you'll excuse me I must call catering to deliver food for dinner this evening.”

“I guess you're pretty busy to do any cooking tonight, huh?”

Spoiled scoffed at the thought. “Me, do the cooking? A mare of my stature? Surely you jest, little one. And before you ask,  Randolph and the maids, sadly, lack any professional cooking skills. My husband does a little cooking from time to time, but we usually eat out or – as I just alluded to – simply have a catering service deliver our meals. As you can imagine, we must maintain a high social standing at all times, and cooking our own meals would not give the proper impression amongst our important contacts.”

“Couldn't you hire a chef? There must be one in town?”

“Filthy has tried, my dear. But for some reason the well-known chefs in town either simply refuse to work for us, or they want too many bits.”

No surprise there, who wants to hang around have the meal they just prepared literally thrown back at them by a bratty little filly? Spike suppressed a sudden urge to reveal a wry smile.

“So it's less expensive to have the meals delivered and our help set the table for us,” she continued. “Even the Cakes refused. I suppose too much of their time is taken up running that tiny shop of theirs, and even more so now that they have those two little odd foals to take care of…”

Her disdain over being rejected by ponies well below her own means was palpable, and Spike promptly took umbrage to the slight. “Now don't go putting down the Cakes, I consider them my friends, y'know!”

“Oh, don't get me wrong,” Spoiled quickly apologized, “I've heard their confections are quite popular around here. It's simply frustrating to be unable to get a good chef to cook  for us for a reasonable price.” She thought for a moment, and sighed wistfully, “It's unfortunate you're duties don't include cooking for the princess…”

“Um, actually, they do.”

“Really, now?” A slight grin formed at one side of her mouth.

To this day, Spike is still not sure why he admitted to that, or for that matter why he said what he said next. He knew it would mean doing more work. But perhaps he responded because of that ego of his; that very same ego, while small, was still potent enough when unchecked to drive a dragon's vanity to the point of sitting in front of a mirror for shameless self-admiration. Or as it had been earlier that day, to take note of his own reflection on the floor. Or ogle his own commemorative statue in the Crystal Empire. Or agree to look after all of his friends' pets while they were away at said empire even though it was too much for one little dragon to handle. Or mistakenly agree to sing an anthem in front of thousands of ponies to which he knew not the words.

“Of course! I do most of the cooking over at the castle. Breakfast and dinner! We usually fend for ourselves when it comes to lunchtime, though.”

“Could I perhaps convince you to cook for us during your stay here? It truly would be an honor to have breakfast and dinner prepared by the The Great and Honorable Spike!” Spoiled laid it on thick, pulling out every stop to try and get him to agree. “And it wouldn't require you to stay much longer each day since the help will be available to clean up after each meal.”

“Well, I dunno… I didn't really agree to being your cook in addition to being an assistant to Diamond.”

“But you are Princess Twilight's assistant, correct? And as her assistant you afford her the luxury of your cooking skills, yes?”

“Yes, but-”

“Don't you think I deserve the same luxury, considering you were hired to do the same job you do for your princess?”

“Well, I – um...”

Ugh, checkmate… again.

This time Spike was on the receiving end of Spoiled's gamesponyship, and he didn't like it at all. Technically, he knew he could still say no since there wasn't anything specified in their agreement. And what could she do, fire him and be without any help? But something in the way she spoke to others – it was demeaning, even frightening. It put one – in this case even a dragon – in their place. A place considerably lower than where it felt she was coming from. And Spike was bearing the brunt of it now.

Additionally, now he knew where Diamond got her ability to so effectively interrupt others: Before he could even make his point, Spoiled flanked it and yanked it out from under him, tossing it out like so much garbage. He remembered how Twilight had explained dragons are supposed to be persuasive speakers. He dolefully laughed to himself that this mare must be part dragon or something.

But it was fine. Yes, it was all really fine – just do some cooking like you've always done. That's what his ego was already saying to smooth things over in his head, explaining to all the other voices that this would be a great way to show off his cooking skills to somepony else besides Twilight, Rarity, and their friends.

His logical brain was working to convince him as well – not only would he get a reprieve from Diamond because he had to clean up all these cooking utensils before him, he'd now even get more time away from her because he had to cook. Yes, agreeing to this would be absolutely peachy!

And yet, why did it feel so rotten? His left eyelid suddenly twitched twice…

But as quickly as the tension built inside of him, it just as quickly vanished. From deep down in his heart, an idea bubbled up into consciousness – something so warm and wonderful he was amazed he didn't think of it before. Something that even if he did have to add cooking to the list of things he was responsible for, it somehow felt good.

And it was also something he knew would drive this mare crazy…

“Okay, okay,” he relented. “You made your point. I'll cook for you and your family.” Spike paused and looked Spoiled Rich right in the eye before continuing. “But only on one condition: Randolph and the other help must be allowed to join in the meal, at the regular dining table with all of you.”

Spoiled Rich glared at Spike, much the same way she did earlier when Diamond had mentioned the three ponies she referred to as blank-flanks. “You-you ask the impossible. It's utterly unthinkable to have the servants eating at the same table as the ponies they serve!”

“Maybe it is in your world, Mrs. Rich, but from where I come from everypony eats at the same table. That's the way Twilight always does it when she has guests over, and I even eat with them, too!”

Spoiled was aghast as to what she should do. She wanted this dragon as a cook – she knew he was a cook and played dumb to get him to agree to it! It would be an undeniable feather in her hat if she could brag to the elites in Canterlot that the princess' personal assistant and chef was preparing her meals! But if word ever got out she was eating with her servants…

“All I want is for you to do the same job you do for the princess, so-”

“And that's exactly what I'm offering you,” Spike countered, butting in the same way she did. “As her assistant, whenever I finish cooking I'm right there, eating alongside Twilight. The way I see it, Randolph and the others are all my equals, so they deserve a spot at the table, just like I do.”

“Trust me, they're not your equals. You're known as a hero in many places.”

“And that's great. But here in your house, they're my equals – especially your butler. So, that's my offer. I'll cook breakfast and dinner if the servants eat with all of us. Deal?”

Spoiled hesitated, glowering at the little dragon in front of her that had beaten her at her own game.

“Very well, you have a deal.” she replied and then thrust her hoof right in front of him. “But, if word ever leaks out that I – I ate at the same table as my servants, I'll be very, very, upset!”

“That's fine,” Spike answered steadfastly, brushing off her hostile tone. “If you don't want anypony to know, I'm more than happy to oblige. I still don't see what the big deal is, but,” he said as he raised his claw in the air, “as an honorable dragon, my snout is hereby sealed.”

“Well, it is a 'big deal,'” she countered. “You and the princess need to get your heads out of the clouds and  face reality: If she desires any hope of gaining political power to actually make things happen, she should stop mingling with commoners who can't help her accomplish anything and start associating with the kinds of ponies that can.”

“Like yourself?” he said with a raised brow.

“But of course!” she replied assuredly, completely missing Spike's facetious tone. “She could do worse than have somepony like me working as her royal counsel. As I told her earlier today, she is always welcome to ask me for advice.”

“She already has a six-member court – including yours truly – to provide counsel on whatever needs fixing. But I'll be sure to pass the message along anyway…”

Spoiled frowned. Clearly she wasn't getting through to this dragon, so it probably was a waste of breath to discuss it further. Besides, it was almost time for the servants and Filthy to leave for Canterlot so she needed to make sure they had her list of cookware items she wanted returned.

“Fair enough. We can continue this discussion at a later time. Right now the coach that will take my husband and the servants to the train station is scheduled to arrive shortly, so I must see them off. As for tonight's meal, the pantry is over there behind the cooler.” Spoiled pointed a hoof to where she had been standing earlier, right beside the right cooler-icebox. To one side was a door that was ajar that led into a decent sized pantry loaded full of foodstuffs. “When you're ready to get started on dinner, feel free to use anything in there or the coolers. We usually eat at sundown, so plan accordingly.”

“Yes, ma'am,” Spike replied, his cordial tone having returned to him. “Is there anything you have in mind for dinner?”

Spoiled Rich quietly snorted, “Make whatever meal you would see fit for the princess. So if there is nothing else, I will leave you to your cleanup task. Come to me if you have any further questions as I will be in the study planning for tomorrow.”

“Okay, got it.”

With that, Spoiled trotted away without another word. Once Spike was all alone, he heaved a sigh of relief. He had expected there would be arguments between him and Diamond, but he didn't expect to be in one with her mom! It was a lot more acrimony than he was accustomed to, and he knew he now had two ponies here who were not particularly happy with him.

On the other claw, he still felt pretty good about himself since it seemed like he had won both battles. Diamond had given up arguing and threw him out of her room, and Spoiled was now forced to sit with those she considered beneath her.

It was true, he would still have to cook – and now it would be for six plus himself instead of three. What made it worthwhile however was he'd be serving a meal to Randolph – the kindly old butler in which he'd found a kindred spirit. Somehow cooking for a pony he considered a friend made the whole ordeal enjoyable.

But enough with the self-reflection – the problem immediately facing him was cleaning up this kitchen! The space he needed to cook was being occupied with the cookware that was destined for the basement. He supposed some of it he'd leave alone and use for dinner, but the rest had to go. Or, at least that would have been the plan if a shrill voice hadn't screamed from upstairs.

“Dragon, get your tail up here right now! I have a job for you.”

Ah, the snobby one shrieketh again. It looks like the kitchen will have to wait…

Spike made his way out of the kitchen and back up the stairs. In the hallway Diamond was sitting with her forelegs crossed, her face twisted into a scowl. Although he wasn't positive, he could have sworn her eyes looked redder than usual, as if she had been crying.

“Where were you? You're supposed to be waiting outside my room!”

“You mom and I were discussing tasks for me to do. Looks like you'll be eating a dragon-cooked meal this evening.”

“You? Cooking? Ewww… I don't want your grubby claws anywhere near my food!”

“Too bad. It's a done deal. If you don't like it, I guess you can starve,” he smirked.

Diamond huffed at his haughty attitude. “Well, we'll see about that! Right now however your task is to clean up my room.”

“Clean it up? It didn't look like it needed cleaning a little while ago.”

“It does now,” she finished with a snide grin.

Spike slowly walked through the entrance to her bedroom. What once was a pristine, spotless bedroom now resembled something Tirek had passed through.

“What. The. Buck.”
> From the Frying Pan into the Fire
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What the hay happened in here?” Spike cried, completely exasperated by the sight before him. Every drawer, chest, and wardrobe had been opened and had their contents spilled out onto the floor. Everything from clothing to toys to books, papers, and quills lay strewn about the bedroom. Even its private bath didn't escape the turmoil – the roll of toilet paper had been unwound and draped over the fixtures, and the towels lay in haphazard piles.

“Oops, I just don't know what went wrong!” Diamond naively replied as she trotted past Spike into her room, shuffling through papers and clothing the whole way. “I was busy trying on different outfits and playing with my toys and before I knew it they were all over the place.”

“Aw, come on – do you really expect me to believe that? You did this on purpose! If you were just 'trying on outfits' and 'playing with toys' then how do you explain all these books and papers – or for that matter – why you apparently TP'd your own bathroom?”

“You mean the roll of tissue in there?” she replied, continuing to feign innocence. “I guess I must have spun it too hard after I finished powdering my nose. My bad!”

“Give me a bucking break, Diamond!” Spike stomped his foot and angrily pointed at the bathroom door. “If you really needed that much toilet paper, then it must really have been some load of manure, which happens to be exactly what I think of your excuse for this whole mess!”

Diamond closed her eyes and sneered at her detractor, “I don't care what you think, dragon. You're supposed to do whatever I say – you even agreed to it – and right now I want you to clean this all up!”

“No! I'm not cleaning up what looks like the result of the biggest tantrum ever. If this were my room, Twilight would make me clean it up myself!”

“Hmph, seems to me then you're not as special as you think! If you're such a big-shot hero, then why do you still have to do menial chores like cleaning? Ponies like me have others clean our messes up for us!” she finished with a pompous grin.

“Do they wipe your backside for you, too? Because from all the toilet paper in the bathroom, it sure seems like you could use some help in that regard!” Spike finished with a smirk.

“Oh – you-you are the rudest, most disgusting creature I've ever met!” Diamond shrieked. “Why don't you just leave and go back to your princess? If you're not going to do your job, you're of no use to us!”

“Let me explain something to you,” he answered sternly. “I don't have time to undo the damage done here by 'Hurricane Diamond.' I have to clean the kitchen. I have to prepare dinner for tonight. I fully intend to do my job, but it doesn't include you at the moment.”

“You don't have a choice. If I want something done, you have to do it – now!”

“Didn't you hear what I just said? I don't have time, and I can't be in two places at once!” he shouted, his arms flailing about in exasperation. “Ugh, this is going nowhere; let's get this settled once and for all. I'll go tell your mom and we'll just see what she has to say about this!”

Diamond took a few more steps and hopped up onto the bed – which was the only part of the bedroom relatively intact – and made herself comfortable, casually crossing her forelegs behind her head. “Go ahead, she'll agree with me. You're supposed to be doing Randolph's job and if he were here, he'd do it without question.”

Spike growled, noticing the smug look on her face. Her words stung – it was totally unfair that he was expected to fix something she had done, something he suspected was done just to spite him! But worst of all was this nagging feeling she might have a point – if he were Randolph, he would suck it up and simply do as he was told. Indeed, the butler himself had advised him to do just that…

No, just – no… Spike concluded – surely he didn't mean something as outrageous as this! Her room was a complete disaster – at the very least Diamond should help with the cleanup, and her mom will be the one to back him up. After all, he's the hero of the Crystal Empire!

“We'll see about that!” Spike shouted. Threads of smoke trailed from both his nostrils as he abruptly turned around and marched right back out the bedroom door. He hurriedly made his way down the stairs and began his search for Mrs. Rich. He checked the kitchen first, but it was just as vacant as when he left it a few minutes ago.

“Mrs. Rich? Are you down here?” he called out for her, his noticeably flustered voice reverberating throughout the spacious mansion. In desperation, he began to search the rooms adjoining the kitchen but nopony was around. He soon remembered she was going to see her husband and the servants off to the train station, so he sprinted back to the front door of the house. It was a big door and the handle was large and heavy, and a little dragon like him had some issues trying to get it to unlatch.

As he was was fiddling with the knob the door suddenly swung open, knocking him back on his tail. Before him stood Spoiled Rich, and both she and Spike looked surprised to see each other there. Her expression, however, soon turned to one of suspicion. “Oh, it's you. What are you doing here? You weren't thinking of leaving now, were you?”

“No, not at all!” Spike's stomach dropped at the accusation, the terrible feeling of being a disappointment to somepony else manifested itself as an uneasy fidget in his claws. “I was just going outside to look for you, Mrs. Rich. I need some help settling an issue with Diamond.”

Spoiled regarded the dragon carefully as she closed the door behind her. “Go on, then.”

“Well… you see, the problem is this: While I was down here talking with you earlier, Diamond went and trashed her bedroom. It's a complete disaster up there! Now she expects me to clean it up for her, and it's totally unfair! Besides that, I'm supposed to be cleaning up the kitchen and then cooking dinner. How am I supposed to do all that if I'm putting her room completely back together again?”

Spoiled looked over the drake for a few moments, and cocked her head slightly before answering. “Spike, my dear. I don't suppose you have any foals – or whatever it is you dragons have – of your own?”

“No,” Spike chuckled uneasily, “that would be silly. I'm too young for that – um,  I think…”

“Right. Well, if you did have them, you would understand that part of their upbringing is winning battles. Most battles you win, but sometimes you lose.”

Spike didn't like how she said that last word and could tell what she was going to say next, so he tried arguing his case again. “But, this is ridiculous! How am I supposed to get everything done? Doesn't she need to be taught a lesson that she can't just go and do whatever she wants? I mean, what's to stop her from going ahead and making a mess again the moment I finish cleaning it?”

Spoiled sighed and turned from Spike, reluctant to admit he had a point. “Yes, I do agree with you she could use some guidance; after all, I can't have her reflecting badly on our family. You may inform her if it happens again, she will be grounded from seeing her friend Silver Spoon for a week.”

Having dealt with the matter of her daughter's behavior, she turned and once again looked him straight in the eye. “As for the immediate issue, with all the servants on their way to Canterlot and me totally involved in the planning for tomorrow, I'm afraid you are going to have to take care of it.” She paused momentarily to think of a way to make the logistics work better, and responded with a compromise. “If you want, you can put off the cleanup of the kitchen until after dinner.”

“You mean I'd have to stay late?”

“Of course – I gave you a task earlier and I expect you to do it, even if it means you'll have to stay later than planned.”

“B-but-”

Spoiled then drew closer and looked straight down upon him. “I'd have more sympathy for you, but after you forced me to dine with my servants – well, as I just stated – you win some battles and you lose some,” she asserted with relish. “You seem skilled enough at bargaining to understand how the game is played. Since I intend on living up to my end of our deal for these next few days, I expect you to do the same.”

Spike's features drooped as he sighed, “Maybe this whole thing was a big mistake…”

Upon hearing this, Spoiled feigned a shocked expression. “How can this be? The Great and Honorable Spike actually contemplating the notion of abandoning us the moment the situation gets difficult?” She reached down and lifted the morose drake's chin up to look him in the face. “I'd hate to have to report back to your princess that you shirked your duty after only a few hours! I imagine she would be very disappointed in you…” she trailed off with a wry smile.

That was it for Spike. She had twisted his Crystal Empire moniker from something that made him proud into something that took on the qualities of a terrible epithet – one that mocked him for even thinking about giving up and slinking back to the Princess of Friendship with his tail tucked between his legs – especially after he had promised he'd make her proud. The rooms of the mansion that once seemed so spacious suddenly closed in on him, because if there was one pony in the entire world he did not want to disappoint – it was Twilight.

Spoiled Rich had won and trapped him in a prison of his own fears.

“Now that's settled, I think you had better get started. You have a lot of work to do.”

Spike said nothing as she turned and left, numbed over what had just transpired. He slowly turned toward the stairs and trudged upward, dragging his feet up one step at a time; his arms hanging limp from his sagging frame as he hung his head in defeat.

Soon after, the door to the bedroom quietly opened and the little dragon immediately bent down and began picking up the books, shoving them under his arm. Diamond, still sprawled out on her bed noticed this and shot him a crooked smile.

“See? I told you she would agree with me! What I can't figure out is why you're still here. I thought for sure you'd just give up and go home and then I'd be free of you!”

Spike, looking grim-faced, said nothing and continued with his task, carrying the stack of books he had collected so far and despairingly placed them into a bookshelf nearby.

“What, no snarky comeback?” she asked in astonishment. She stared at him a bit longer and a realization soon hit her, causing her eyes to pop wide open. “I can't believe it – I've actually managed to get you trained just like I did the other servants!”

Spike – clearly irritated, his nostrils flaring with every breath – paused and finally answered, “You didn't train me, I'm just keeping a promise and doing my job.”

Diamond leaped off the bed and circled Spike like a vulture, “Oh, I don't think so, lizard-breath! I can see it in your eyes – the fire is gone! You're not only trained, but you're actually broken!”

Broken? As in broken in? Spike tried to push the thought out of his head. Twilight had once mentioned in her ancient history lessons the practice of 'breaking' wild stallions and mares before being turned into slaves by some of the griffons and dragons that ruled their world before the princesses took power and freed the ponies. But him – a mighty and honorable dragon – broken in like some slavepony?

Yes, Spike, you are indeed a slave, one that earns two gems a day – but a broken down slave, nonetheless…

He sighed. “Whatever. I don't care anymore. Just leave me alone so I can do my job.” Spike listlessly walked away from her, finding himself among a large pile of some of the clothes that had been tossed onto the floor. They were all mismatched, and he realized he had yet another problem. “Where do all these dresses go?” he asked morosely.

Annoyed with his disinterest in her taunts, she answered him brashly, “The gowns go in the wardrobe over there,” she said as she pointed to the one on the wall across from her bed. “The skirts and dresses go in the one there,” she continued, pointing to the wardrobe near the door. “And the pants and socks need to be folded and put in the dressers next to the bed.”

Spike looked at the various bedroom furnishings. They were all left open, and he could see the remaining items that hadn't been removed all matched up with what Diamond had said.

“Make sure you keep the day-wear and nightwear separate from one another in their respective places!”

Spike looked across the room towards the wardrobe meant for the gowns, and sure enough one type of gown was hung on one side and the other type opposite it. The fact that he could tell the difference gave him a brief moment of both fancy and dread – this was likely due to all the time he had spent assisting Rarity in her boutique, but it wasn't exactly something he felt like he should be admitting to being an expert.

But, that wasn't important now. He had the information he needed to put all this stuff away, and the sooner he started, the sooner it would get done. With his instructions clear, he began the task in earnest, starting by sorting each piece of clothing and putting it aside before taking the entire pile and storing them away in their respective places. He tossed all the toys back into their chests and threw away the scattered papers.

He asked Diamond a few more questions about where to put a few of the miscellaneous items, but she barely responded now. She had become bored with teasing him since he was now so 'docile' – her words, not his – and had resigned herself to reading magazines on her bed.

The only time they got into an argument was regarding her bathroom: It had taken a few hours to clean the bedroom, and he had since moved into there so the towels and her toilet roll unfurling 'accident' could be cleaned up as well. Because he hadn't had time to go to the bathroom since last night, his surroundings soon made him realize he really needed to go. So he simply closed the door, pushed a small step stool in front of the toilet, stood up on it, and took care of business – or at least most of it – because he was interrupted midway by a mean filly who heard what was going on.

“Hey! What do you think you're doing? Stop using my bathroom!” came a voice from behind the door.

“Uh, too late! Consider it used.”

With that, the door flung open – kicked in by one filly who stood in the opening directly behind him, billowing angry breaths he could hear from across the room where he stood. “I swear, I'm going to flush y-”

Diamond stopped, confounded by the sight before her. “Standing? Who the hay stands when doing that?” As far as she knew, all ponies sat on commodes. Clearly this dragon really is some kind of freak…

“Diamond, f-for crying out loud!” Spike nervously shouted. “Haven't you ever heard of the term privacy?” Spike paid no attention to her confusion over his stance since he was focused on trying to regain his composure from his current indisposition. He proceeded to cover himself up as best he could, though it was probably unlikely she saw anything because the fixture was against the wall opposite the door and thus his back was to her. Nevertheless, his eyes had shot sideways to glimpse where she was standing to make sure this sudden intrusion didn't get any more embarrassing than it already was.

“This is my house and more importantly – my bathroom.” Diamond replied, paying no heed to his grievance. “The help does not use the owners' bathrooms – ever!”

Spike, red-faced and incredibly angry over this breach of protocol, snapped out of his funk from earlier. The absolute nerve of a filly entering while he was answering nature's call! “Well nopony told me, and I had to go! Where do you want me to do it – out in the yard, like some dog?”

“Of all the disgusting, unprofessional-” Diamond had to hold back a gag reflex. “Ugh. You're supposed to use the one downstairs in the servants' quarters. That's what it's there for – servants!”

“For the last time, I'm your assistant, not your servant!”

“And for the last time, I don't care!” she shouted as she put her hoof down. “What I do care about is you cleaning that soiled commode from top to bottom. I don't want any of your nasty dragon filth anywhere near me!”

“Fine.” What's one more task on a rotten day like today, anyway? Spike pulled the flush chain and hopped down off the step stool as the roar of gurgling water filled the room. “Where's the cleaning brush and cleanser?”

“Ha! Do you really think that's something I would know? Why don't you stop being so dumb and try the cabinet next to the sink?”

Spike opened the cabinet doors and sure enough – alongside some new rolls of toilet paper – was the toilet cleaner and cleaning tool. “Oh. Found it,” he lamented.

“Good. While you're at it, why don't you open the window, too?” she snarled. “The air in here is burning the inside of my nose – it smells like a litter box that hasn't been cleaned in like, forever!”

“Yeah, yeah… I'm on it,” he answered resignedly.

With that, Diamond turned and left the bathroom in a huff as Spike propped open the window and went to work on the toilet – even though it looked perfectly clean to him now having flushed it. It wasn't too long before it and the rest of the bathroom were once again spotless; the tissues hastily disposed of and the towels neatly stacked. With both rooms now restored to their pristine state, Spike could finally get back downstairs. It was already late in the day, and he knew dinner needed to be started.

“Okay, I'm outta here. I have to go and get dinner ready.”

Diamond put her magazine down and hopped off the bed. “Finally.” she complained. “I'm hungry!”

“Uh, hello? Didn't you hear me? It's not going to be ready for a while so have fun waiting!” he replied sarcastically. “Besides, whatever happened to you not wanting to eat anything these claws have handled, hmm?” he asked while raising them and wiggling his digits in front of her.

“I still don't,” she snapped, as she shoved his claws away. “But I can't do anything about that. So I've decided I'm going to keep an eye on you while you make dinner so you can't put something awful in our food!”

“Oh, give me a break!” Spike cried as he facepalmed, his mind reeling at the mere thought of debasing somepony's meal with… Well, some really disgusting things came to mind. “I may not like you very much, but I'd never do anything so crude. Maybe if you didn't make enemies just as fast as Pinkie Pie makes friends, then maybe you wouldn't be so paranoid?”

Diamond laughed. “You're so naive! If there's one thing I've learned, it's that bossing others around is the only way to get things done and gain their respect,” she replied, and then added slyly, “it certainly worked on you…”

Spike didn't respond to her latest taunt. He didn't like the little reminder of being put in his place by her mom – or pretty much doing everything Diamond herself had ordered – and he certainly wasn't going to speak out and possibly divulge any of the reasons he eventually gave in. His mood, buoyed by fixing up the catastrophe that was this bedroom not long ago, again turned bleak.

“I'm heading down. Watch me all you like – I don't care.”

He sighed to himself – the end of this day can't get here soon enough...
> Playing with Dragonfire
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spike made his way downstairs, complete with Diamond in tow. She wasn't kidding about keeping an eye on him – she watched him like a hawk all the way into the kitchen. Honestly, her suspicions that he would – heh, spike the food – were completely unfounded. Did her family have some bizarre history of poisonings he wasn't aware of, or was it just that she had absolutely no trust in dragons? Either way, as long as she didn't disturb him, he could tolerate her sitting around and watching.

As he looked around the still-cluttered kitchen to figure out what he could make use of, she made herself comfortable at the dinette over in the far corner of the room, pulling out a chair so she could face him. “Remember, I've got my eye on you!” she exclaimed from her outpost.

Spike opened his mouth, all set to send a zinger right back at her, but his melancholy mood and previous experiences dealing with her today caused him to think twice about it. Instead, he simply frowned, trying his best to not let her get to him more than she already had. Right now he really didn't want another round of insults while he was trying to focus on this meal he was about to make.

And what should that meal be? He pretty much gave up on any of the fancy meals he could have made for everypony – there simply wasn't enough time, as the sun was already setting. Instead, perhaps something simple, like a stew?

Stews were the kind of meals he learned to cook early on, back when Twilight was still a teenage filly in Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, and indeed – they were quick and easy to prepare. She would occasionally come home for lunch instead of eating at the cafeteria and he would have it ready for the entire family.

Even then, he felt the need to make himself useful. As a drake in a world dominated by ponies, he didn't attend a regular school – Twilight, her mom, and occasionally even Celestia herself tutored him at home – so he had to do something – anything – to give himself a sense of self-worth, and helping with the cooking fit the bill nicely. Reminiscing over those enjoyable times brought a bit of happiness to his otherwise gloomy demeanor.

“Hey!”

A loud voice cut through the images of fond memories like a knife to fabric, and replaced them once again with the scene of the untidy kitchen that was his prison, his guard shouting at him from the far corner. “Stop goofing off and get going. Dinner isn't going to cook itself, you know!”

Spike, now having snapped back to reality, looked around in bewilderment; he wasn’t even sure how long he had been sitting there just staring off into space! Refocused, he quickly did a survey of the coolers and pantry, and found some ingredients that could be used – cabbages and carrots in this case – to make a simple stew. One that should be tasty for ponies and even acceptable to him as well – if he used the appropriate spices and seasonings.

Spike stood on a chair and cleared off as much of the prep table as he needed to make room for his meal work, save for an old iron pot that was perfect for cooking in. The remainder of the retired cooking equipment could be stowed in the basement later as planned. As he was reaching for the carrots, Diamond's voice boomed once more. “What do you think you're doing?”

“Huh?”

“Don't you dare touch those carrots before you wash those dirty claws of yours!”

Spike peered down at them and realized that was a good catch – he never washed up after using and cleaning the bathroom! “Oh, right,” he quietly answered, thoroughly mortified it had slipped his mind. The thing that dismayed him the most, however, was the realization that she was the one who pointed it out. How could somepony that sharp waste such a talent by using it mainly for hurling insults at others?

“See? I knew you'd try to make us all sick!” Diamond scolded. “It's a good thing I came down here.”

“Sheesh, I wasn't trying to make you sick! You've been so mean and got me so flustered I just forgot to do it, okay?” Spike then held his claws up before continuing, “You want them clean? Here – how about I do this, then?”

The next thing Diamond saw caused her eyes to widen. Spike proceeded to blow a small but wide flame from his mouth across the tips of his claws, singing each digit with his dragonfire and leaving the tip of each claw smoking before he doused them in some running water at the small prep table sink. “There, they're totally germ-free now! Happy?”

“Why'd you do that?” the awestruck filly asked. “Doesn't that, like, hurt?”

“Nah, my scales keep me pretty safe – at least from my own fire. I'd have to try really hard to burn through them.”

Diamond blinked twice at Spike’s explanation, but her look of astonishment quickly faded as doubt set in once again. As her eyes narrowed, she let out a muffled laugh. “Fat chance that will ever happen –  it’s probably more likely you’re just a pathetic excuse for a dragon,” she sneered. “I’ll bet some other dragon saved everypony at the games with their fire and you just took all the credit!”

Spike’s eyes flared an absolutely livid red at the insult. “You doubt me? Think I’m pathetic?” Spike was so angry, black smoke billowed from his nostrils with every breath. “I'll show you pathetic!”

He then grabbed an old iron soup spoon among the clutter and held it up in his claw, making sure his detractor could see it clearly. After a deep breath he pursed his lips and proceeded to blow a large, bright-green flame that extended across the entire prep table. A flame so fierce it lit up the entire room, casting warped, convulsing shadows that danced on the ceiling and walls behind him.

Slowly, he raised the spoon into the stream of glowing plasma. Almost immediately it turned bright-orange, the ladle awkwardly bending backward over its own handle before liquefying and melting onto his claw like an ice cream cone on a hot day.

The once-callous filly ducked down in her chair, her mouth agape as her dread-filled eyes glimmered in the light of the intense flames. Dragonfire was a sight to behold, to be sure; but it was the shadow Spike cast of himself that held her attention. It rose up behind him – immense in size, perverse in its arched, menacing stance; seemingly ready to strike at any moment.

It was the shadow of a monster she had hoped would never materialize again, and yet there it stood – as frightening as it was the first time.

With the spoon now nothing more than a melted blob of metal covering his claw, he extinguished his fire and looked her directly in her eye. “How do you like that, huh?” he snarled, clinching his point by thrusting what remained of the spoon toward her while still securely grasped in his claw. “Is that hot enough for ya?”

Diamond said nothing, her mouth still agape at the demonstration. Her eyes quivered ever so slightly as they repeatedly jumped between the melted stem and the dragon’s angry expression.

“Well?” he asked sardonically as he pushed for a reply, but none came. Instead, her eyes narrowed as they shot him a hateful look just before she jumped off her chair and bolted out of the kitchen. When Spike heard the gallop of her hooves on the stairs, he realized she was heading back up to her room, confirmed by the sound of her door slamming shut. “You'd better not be thinking about trashing that bedroom again,” he lectured to the ceiling in the empty kitchen. “Your mom said you're grounded for a week if you do!”

That wasn't exactly what she said, but he figured it was close enough. Plus, it didn't really matter anyway – if she did trash it, he was perfectly willing to let Randolph clean it up this time since he would be back soon. 

And then the little dragon caught himself: He was so upset he was now willing to throw the kindly butler he had befriended under the chariot and leave Randolph solely responsible for something he was tasked with as Diamond’s temporary assistant. Somehow this filly always managed to get under his scales and he couldn't figure out why, and every time she did he realized he was that much farther away from accomplishing his mission as an emissary.

His subsiding rage was replaced by guilt, and it led him to stare at the large pot he was about to fill with ingredients, wondering if he could fit inside of it. “Maybe I should make a dragon stew instead? I’d probably be a lot happier as a meal compared to how I feel right now…”

Spike halfheartedly chuckled at the thought before dismissing it. “As if I could actually cook myself!” he concluded, realizing as a creature that could swim through lava, sitting in a boiling pot of water, herbs, and spices would have actually made for a very comfortable soak!

It reminded him of the times back in the library where Twilight had complained to him for using all the hot water because he insisted on taking baths and showers with the tap turned all the way to the highest temperature possible – after all, for a dragon, the hotter the water, the better! But despite her being upset at him, somehow the two of them always managed to have a good laugh over it later, and it brought a slight smile to his face.

With his spirits lifted a bit, the latest skirmish with Diamond faded out of his thoughts. But the scene he had just witnessed continued to replay in his head, and it dogged him. Why did she react like that? To him, it seemed like a pretty impressive demonstration of his talents! She must be one really temperamental pony, he figured.

With the lavender-maned distraction in the room gone, the cooking went quickly, and the stew was soon simmering nicely in the pot on the grill at the prep table. Spike sniffed at the aroma rising from under the lid – perfect! He had found several herbs and spices in the pantry to add to the mix, and once again his nose didn't fail him. Everything had come together nicely – despite the unwanted acrimony – and this should be a meal the family, and more importantly, their butler, would really enjoy!

Now that dinner was all set to cook for the next hour, he once again had some time to himself. He thought it best to get started on the kitchen cleanup immediately rather than wait till after dinner. Spike chuckled softly to himself – if he were cooking this back at the castle, he'd be trying to use this time to spend it with his beloved comic books! But here, the only thing he wanted was to get back home – to Twilight.

Twilight. While he was more than eager to get out of this house, he also realized she'd be expecting a full report on how his day went. As he was trying to figure out how he would explain how badly it had gone, a voice interrupted from across the room.

“My, what is that cooking? It smells delicious!”

Spike turned and saw Spoiled Rich enter from the hall. “Oh, hi,” he said flatly. “It's a carrot and cabbage stew, with some seasoning for flavor.”

Spoiled’s delighted expression faded as she looked suspiciously at her chef-conscript, raising one brow. “Is that not a bit – plebeian – for a princess? I thought I told you to cook the meals you cook for Princess Twilight!” she finished, her expression having turned even more adverse.

Spike sighed with annoyance as he rolled his eyes. Here we go again… “I am cooking what I cook for Twilight! She loves stews – we’ve been having them since she was a filly. Why is it so hard for you to understand Twilight doesn't go for all the fancy-schmancy stuff you Canterlot types do?”

“Because she is a princess – mentored by Celestia herself!” the obstinate mare shot back. “Even as new royalty, I simply find it hard to believe she would reject the perks that come with such status. After all, everypony knows that all fillies one day dream of becoming a princess! Who wouldn’t desire such a lavish lifestyle, their every whim being fulfilled?”

“Well, that’s not who Twilight is,” Spike countered in a stately manner. “All she wants is to help others and learn new stuff along the way. She even had to convince her friends to stop calling her ‘princess’ after the coronation. I mean, Diamond wears that tiara of hers more than Twilight ever wore her own crown!”

You almost make her sound like one of those blank-flanks, she nearly blurted, before catching herself and dismissing the notion. She had reluctantly accepted Spike’s earlier contention that the princess did not desire political power, but to believe she did not even wish to be treated as royalty? Preposterous. “Oh, come now. That is almost as ridiculous as the notion that she only has you around in that entire castle of hers – with no other servants or guards!”

The declaration the princess had made earlier that day continued to vex her. What sort of royalty lives by herself, save for a single assistant? Certainly something was amiss, but for the moment she could only speculate. “I don’t know what is going on – perhaps she does not wish to put on airs because she insists on holding onto this pretext of being a princess to mere commonponies? But whatever it is-”

“We’re not trying to pull the wool over anypony for crying out loud!” Spike shouted, irate at the accusation. “It really is just the two of us – and Owlowiscious, her pet owl – who live at the castle!” Spike angrily pleaded, his claws flailing in the air.

Spoiled huffed at the drake’s abrasive attitude, but his unwavering persistence did give her pause: She did seem to recall a lack of anypony around when she visited the castle the other day. Could he be telling the truth? Was it really just the two of them?

The gears in her head started turning as she thought back to a few of the other members of the aristocracy she had encountered who also forewent using servants. Some simply couldn’t afford it – their perceived wealth was all an elaborate ruse to maintain their place in higher social circles. Others, she recalled with a twisted smile, had more scurrilous reasons to keep untested hires away. Those in particular proved extremely useful if their deepest secrets could be uncovered, and she was more than willing to take full advantage if the need rose.

Was this a similar situation? She regarded the little purple and green beastie, now wearing a scowl as he impatiently tapped his right foot, awaiting a response to his reply. Certainly a dragon could cause all sorts of problems that might need to be swept under the rug – from minor issues like petty thievery and destruction of property, all the way to heinous crimes, like having an unhealthy appetite for ponies.

But none of that made any sense – she had done her research and he came with glowing reviews from both of the princesses in Canterlot. Certainly they of all ponies would have noted any behavioral issues. No – she dismissed the idea that he was somehow the problem; her own dealings with him thus far had shown him to be a trustworthy, albeit mouthy, servant. He was even quite malleable – when properly motivated, of course.

No, whatever it was they were hiding at the castle, it somehow involved the princess. But without evidence to back her up, any accusations would likely result in steep reprisals, and from an alicorn no less. So any plans to pressure her into granting boons would have to wait, though such plans might be expedited if Diamond could be compelled to help loose those secrets from this dragon’s lips…

“Forgive me, Spike dear. I meant no disrespect to either of you,” she reluctantly apologized. “It just seems difficult to believe a princess would willingly choose such a solitary lifestyle. Does she not become lonely by herself at the castle?”

“Well, she has her friends, you know,” Spike calmly replied, having cooled off over the slight. “The adventures they go on keep her pretty busy. And of course, she always has me.”

“But, you’re just her assistant, and if what you say is true, her only assistant. I know from personal experience from my days in Canterlot that living by oneself with only a maid for company is an absolutely dreadful existence.” Which is why, the mare thought to herself, she spent so much time at parties and dinners while stationed there.

“I’m more than her assistant,” Spike sighed. “Why do all you Rich’s think I’m just some random dragon that happens to work for Twilight? First it was Diamond, now it’s you. I’m the one she’s closest to, even with all her new friends! We’ve been there for one another our entire lives, and I imagine – and hope even – it will always be like that in some way.”

The color drained from Spoiled face on hearing this revelation.

Spike was correct – all this time she had assumed he was assigned to Twilight because a successful protégé of Celestia would require his services, and there was no denying a dragon would be helpful asset in that regard. But she had never considered he and the princess were any closer than any servant Spoiled herself would have hired.

Sure, the princess seemed friendly with him, as seen in the playful banter she witnessed upon their arrival this morning. But what he had just spoken of was more than simple friendship – it sounded more like love.

They loved each other, and Spoiled came to the realization she was suddenly on thin ice. Having something to leverage over the princess was now more important than ever.

“Forgive me, Great and Honorable Spike, I did not realize…” The mare stepped backward unsteadily, bumping into the items scattered on the floor Spike had previously cleared from the table to make room for cooking.

“Realize what?”

“Never mind, I’ve taken up enough of your time,” she replied nervously. “Would you happen to know where is my daughter is?”

Spike pointed up at the ceiling. “She went upstairs. I was giving her a demonstration and  she galloped off like she had seen the return of Nightmare Moon or something!”

“Well then, I’d better go see what is wrong. As for dinner, carrot and cabbage stew sounds perfectly fine. You can forget all that nonsense I said earlier!”

“Um, sure thing. Consider it forgotten.”

With that, Spoiled darted out of the kitchen; not as quickly as Diamond had, but it was evident she was in a hurry and it left him standing there alone, scratching his head. “Well, that was weird…”

He simply shrugged it off and went back to work on the kitchen cleanup task, still trying  to avoid having to stay there late. The mare in question, meanwhile, had reached the door to Diamond’s bedroom, and was surprised to find it locked, the sounds of quiet sobbing emanating from behind it.

“Diamond Tiara!” she chided as she rapped on the door brusquely. “Stop that incessant whining at once and unlock this door. What have I always told you about that? Winners do not cry!”

The sound of soft hoofsteps could be heard approaching, soon followed by the click of the latch. Slowly, the door swung open and Spoiled stepped into the room, finding her daughter already walking back to her bed, her head hanging low.

“Face me when I am speaking to you, young lady. Do not cower behind your own tail!”

Diamond wiped away a tear as she hopped onto her bed and curled up, a scowl soon forming as she faced her mother, her voice full of disdain. “I want that dragon gone, right now!”

Her mother closed the door, making sure ‘that dragon’ she had unceremoniously left downstairs hadn’t followed her up to listen in before replying to the distressed filly. “Oh, come now, Diamond – not this again,” she admonished. “You complained about my desire to hire him all week long – to the point of having to punish you – my only daughter – for your insolence. Well, let me be clear once again – I will do no such thing!

“I’m about to disclose to the world tomorrow that we have none other than Princess Twilight’s assistant working for us – the Princess Twilight – the same princess that is all the rage right now in Canterlot! Do you really expect me to toss him out right when I’m on the verge of informing the haut monde at our weekly tea club get-together about our little asset? Expect me to throw away all the effort I’ve put into guilting him into not only cleaning but even cooking for us?”

“I don’t care! I just want him as far away from us as possible. He’s – dangerous.”

“Dangerous? Why, my capricious little filly, whatever gave you that idea? Just a while ago I heard you arguing with him, and now I find you up here whimpering like some lost little rabbit. You are not afraid him now, are you?”

“Well, mother it’s just that I-I…” Diamond looked up and froze. The glare of her mother’s eyes peered straight into her soul, scanning for any sign of frailty. Knowing what the consequences would be if she admitted to being afraid – or even giving her mother the suspicion of such – she pushed away the fear of his terrifying shadow and recomposed herself to offer a plausible alternative: “Mother, he can breathe fire.”

The filly’s mother snickered, then outright howled over her daughter’s ridiculously obvious revelation. “Well of course he can breathe fire! What else would you expect a dragon to do?”

Diamond shrunk back from her mother’s belittling tone, realizing her made-up excuse for locking herself in her room wasn’t working as well as she’d hoped. “It’s just that I – I didn’t think he was any good at it since he’s so tiny, that’s all,” she offered. “Plus it’s not some namby-pamby flame, either – he can make it hot enough to melt metal. He could burn this entire house down if he wanted, and walk away without even a scratch!”

“Oh pish-posh, you worry too much, my dear. I have him wrapped around my hoof so tight I believe I could convince him to repaint the house and resod the lawn if I felt they needed it. Besides, he’s too considerate to ever think of hurting anypony – it would utterly destroy his relationship with the princess, and I fully intend on exploiting that weakness.”

“But-”

“Speaking of which, that is why I came up here to see you. While I don’t think you have anything to fear from him in particular, we are going to have to treat him more gently all the same. It turns out he holds the princess’ ear much closer than I first thought.”

“What do you mean?”

“All this time I thought he was assigned to her after graduating from Celestia’s school. Only now did I just learn he has been with her for his entire life and they are very, very close!”

Diamond sighed. “Yes, mother. He told me as much this morning.”

“He told you that this morning?” Spoiled lunged at her daughter on the bed, muzzle to muzzle, and growled, “My dear, how many times have I told you anytime you overhear important information or gossip, you should report it to me as soon as possible! Do you realize what a precarious position your poor judgment has put us in with the princess?”

“I-I’m sorry. It just didn’t seem like it was a big deal. So what if they care about each other? I figured if he said anything bad about me to her, I’d simply say he was lying and I’d have you and father back me up, like you always have.” The filly looked away anxiously before finishing, thinking back to her terrible experience in the kitchen again. “At least, that’s what I thought I could do…”

“It is more complicated than that. I’m afraid when matters of the heart are involved, the sway one has over another’s ear is much more powerful. Stronger than even the word of our family might have on the princess.”

“…which is all the more reason why he needs to go,” she responded emphatically as she pointed away from herself with her hoof.

“No, Diamond – I already explained to you that is out of the question. So buck up and deal with it. Just as you have to adjust your demeanor in how you deal with our scaly little friend, I have to adjust my plans when dealing with the princess.”

The filly shook her head in confusion, “I’m not following you, mother…”

“Once my relocation to Ponyville was complete, I had planned to gain her favor over the coming weeks by offering her lavish gifts and dinners. As it turns out, that is not going to work; she is far more, shall we say – pedestrian – than I first thought.”

Diamond jumped up, shocked by her mother’s statement. “Mother! How could you say such a thing – and about royalty, no less?”

“I am afraid it is true. After speaking at length with our little helper, it appears she simply does not go for baubles and trinkets, figuratively speaking. No, despite the castle, all the pomp and circumstance of her coronation, and her appearances at the galas, she prefers a simple lifestyle, living alone with her assistant.” She paused and smiled, “And that is where you come in, dear daughter of mine…”

Diamond swallowed hard. The look in her mother’s eyes implied she had some major new scheme in mind, and she wasn’t going to like taking part in it.

“I need you to do some investigating for me. Learn everything you can about what goes on behind closed doors at the castle through our mutual acquaintance down there in the kitchen. Do whatever it takes to gain his trust. Be – nice with him…”

Diamond’s eyes betrayed the anxiety welling up inside of her – that word: nice – she knew what it meant. When it came to the colts in her class, it normally wasn’t a difficult thing to do. She had often used her wiles to casually cajole extra supplies or lunch items out of them. Sometimes she was even able to get homework done for her or a few test answers when her teacher, Cheerilee, wasn’t looking. It had been less effective as of late, mainly due to her overuse of instilling fear in everypony; instead, the use of bribes were now the preferred method of being ‘nice’.

But in this situation, it was clear by the tone of her mother’s voice what was expected of her, and she would have none of it – especially after the recent events downstairs. “No. No! Absolutely not, mother!” she shouted defiantly. “Right when I don’t want to be anywhere near that dragon, you expect me to actually flirt with him? Act like a tease and try to get him to like me, just so you can-”

Diamond suddenly realized what tactic her mother was planning to employ, and the additional horror caused her to abruptly freeze. It was a tactic she herself had used with varying amounts of success, but how it would be applied here was so absurdly dangerous, it even made her forget about Spike for the moment.

While it was an effective tool when it worked, when it didn’t the consequences were none too pleasant – as was the time she held incriminating photos of those awful blank-flanks. For what her mother was proposing, the consequences would be far more dire than losing an editorial position at the Foal Free Press – and she pleaded with those terrified eyes, begging her mother reconsider. “You – you can’t actually be serious! You want to blackmail the princess? The Princess of Friendship?”

“Indeed, my dear,” the mare replied assuredly with raised brows and a sly grin. “The fact that she holds that title means it will be that much easier to get what I want from her.”

That did it. As reality was officially no longer a viable option, Diamond sat and curled up into a ball and rocked herself on the bed. As she slowly teetered to and fro, she quietly talked to herself since she seemed to be the only sane pony in the room who was willing to listen to what she had to say.

“…An alicorn. Mother wants to play a dangerous game with an alicorn…”

Meanwhile, Spoiled continued to try and explain why her new plan was necessary, ignoring and talking over the stricken filly who was now off in her own world.

“You see, I happen to know the princess was mentored by Celestia…”

“…we’re all going to end up living in the moon for a thousand years…”

“And just like her assistant, the princess absolutely hates disappointing her mentor…”

“…or maybe she’ll just make me into a statue and place it in her garden as a warning to others…”

“Besides, it is not as if I will act hastily before I have any hard evidence I can use against her…”

“…a-and everypony will see me covered in disgusting bird droppings and laugh…”

“Additionally, Princess Twilight is incredibly even tempered compared to other royalty I have successfully held accountable in the past…”

“…either way I-I’ll never see Silver Spoon again and she’ll be nothing but dust and bones by the time I return...”

“You should have seen the rage in Prince Blueblood’s eyes when I told him what I knew!”

“…I’ll have to start all over and make friends with her great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfoals!”

“The depravity that goes on at his estate would make your hooves curl…”

“…that is if that dragon doesn’t turn me to ashes first, or worse!”

“So quit worrying your little head over this, my dear…”

“…oh, why does my life have to be this way?”

Diamond could stand no more and buried her face in the crumpled sheets and began sobbing again. Her mother immediately took notice and scowled. “Stop it! Stop it right now. Your name is Diamond – this is no time to forget how to behave like one and go soft!”

“B-but – dragons eat diamonds, don’t they?” she remarked as she sniffed away her tears. “And that’s exactly what he’ll do to me if he figures out what we’re up to. And if not him then certainly the princess will do something just as terrible!” The somber filly looked up longingly at her mother, hoping for any hint of sympathy.

“No dragon could ever eat you,” Spoiled smiled as she caressed her daughter’s curls with the tip of her hoof. “You are far too precious.”

The filly smiled back, witnessing a side of her mother she hadn’t seen in many a moon. Alas, it was all too brief, as the mare’s expression quickly resumed its harsh demeanor. “However, as things stand, you have little choice in the matter. You will aid me in this little endeavor, without as much as another peep or tear! Whatever it is that has gotten you all wound up, put it aside and do as you are told – unless you wish to find yourself polishing the floors again?”

Diamond winced and unconsciously shook her head, giving in to the demand. She had been doing a lot of floor polishing lately, ever since her mother’s return as a full-time resident of Ponyville. Some of this punishment was in the name of ‘fixing’ the weaknesses in her character that had been identified – weaknesses her mother claimed father had let slide. But most of it was for mouthing off her concerns earlier in the week about having a dragon for an assistant.

“Now, get yourself cleaned up,” Spoiled finished. “I expect you to look your best at dinner – as you always should. Your father shall be making his return shortly, so do not delay.”

With this latest quarrel concluded, Spoiled turned and left, leaving Diamond lost and alone, sighing to herself.

“If you would only listen mother – listen to me when I say you have invited a monster into our home…”
> Dragons and Powder Kegs Don't Mix
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spike looked around the kitchen and sighed.

Although he had spent nearly an hour straightening up the clutter on the floor by boxing the items as he had been instructed to do, the prep table was still covered in cookware, apart from the area he had cleared to prepare the evening meal. Worse, the boxes themselves still took up a great deal of floor space, making it only slightly more convenient to navigate the kitchen as compared to when it resembled something more akin to a minefield.

“This room still looks like a disaster. Diamond herself would be proud of such a mess!” he quipped. As he shook his head, the sound of the brass knocker at the front door caused him to jump with a jolt of dread over what it likely meant – Mr. Rich and the servants had returned from Canterlot.

In a panic, he rushed over to the largest group of boxes and haphazardly started shoving each of them, one by one, towards the pantry door behind the cooler unit. As each container was tucked away against the wall, the steady, metallic rapping from the front entrance once again echoed through the house. As his anxiety intensified, he began to kick-bounce from box to box and seemingly treaded air. Soon, the path was clear just as a third round of knocks began.

The kitchen may not have been as tidy as it should have, but at least it could be walked through again without having a pony trip over something.

“Coming! I’ll be right with you!” Spike cried out as he made his way out of the kitchen and down the hall. As he was running by the stairwell, his sharp eyes caught a glimpse of Spoiled Rich’s head poking from the doorway of the study down the hall – no doubt wondering why the front door had not been answered yet.

Upon arriving at the front entrance, he now faced the same daunting task he had earlier when he went to look for Mrs. Rich – the height and weight of the doorknob was not meant for an individual as short as him, and it took a few attempts of leaping and grabbing for the latch before his claws finally caught the metal surface. Thank goodness he didn’t have to attempt this with hooves, he thought!

Once he had a good grasp on the handle, he swung his weight using his tail as a pendulum to get the handle to turn and unlock, allowing the door to finally open. He quickly let go of the handle and pulled the door open enough to stick his head around the side of it and see who was there. Standing outside on the front porch was Filthy Rich with a crate strapped to his back, and Randolph and the maids slowly making their way towards the porch steps, each with their own load of boxes and crates in tow.

“Well, hello there, Spike!” Filthy Rich said to the little dragon clutching the edge of the door as it swung open ever wider with each step backwards Spike took. “I was expecting the missus to answer the door. I thought you’d be too busy with other matters to take care of it.”

“Well – actually I am,” Spike replied dolefully, “but I’m pretty much the dragon of all trades at the moment.”

“Oh, I see,” Filthy replied with a tinge of suspicion in his voice. “Well, you needn’t hold the door any longer – I can manage on my own now that it’s open. Run along and get back to whatever it was you were doing.”

Spike stepped aside to allow Mr. Rich to pass and soon realized the whole party was probably heading to the kitchen to unload their cargo. With a quick spin he skidded around the stairway and dashed down the hall, back into the kitchen where the boxes he had haphazardly pushed aside still sat. Even if most of them were now out of the major thoroughfares, the ponies returning home were about to bring in several more loads for unpacking right here, making the whole situation worse.

Outside in the hall, Spike could hear Filthy greeting his wife, though it couldn’t make out their exchange of words clearly. What he expected to hear – but didn’t – were the hoofsteps of Diamond coming down the stairs to greet her father; it seemed she was still sequestered in her room. Maybe her mother had punished her after all?

Spike had only met Filthy Rich in passing in the past, usually when they both happened to be visiting Sweet Apple Acres at the same time. Spike occasionally ran errands for Twilight when she needed some ingredients for a potion, or for that matter, if the meal he was planning required some additional vegetables or fruits they lacked.

As it was, they never really talked to one another, although Spike would sometimes wave if they did happen to pass each other by. Filthy was always busy in discussions with Applejack while Spike was busy getting whatever item was required at her farm. He seemed to have a vague recollection of seeing both Filthy and Spoiled in Canterlot many years ago, before he and Twilight moved to Ponyville. But in that instance, the Rich’s were meeting with Princess Celestia and Twilight and Spike were simply there in the royal palace to pick up some books she needed for a school project. He doubted the Rich’s even noticed the two of them walking by.

With a bit of a ruckus the door to the kitchen was pushed open and the group of ponies entered with their heavy loads, searching desperately for a place to put everything down. Spoiled followed behind, trying to squeeze into the tight space between the servants and the kitchen cabinetry while Filthy looked around and immediately noticed the huge stack of boxes piled up by the pantry. “Uh, why haven’t these been put in the basement yet?”

Spike cautiously stepped forward, embarrassed over the mess. “I’m sorry, Mr. Rich. I really tried to get everything done before you returned home, but there wasn’t enough time.”

“Not enough time?” he asked with a raised brow. “What did you do all day?”

“Well, let’s see,” Spike started and stammered as he recalled the day’s events – not so much from being nervous, but from being exasperated as the details all rushed to the forefront again. “First there was a meeting with Diamond upstairs, then I started working on the kitchen here, and then I had to go back to Diamond’s room and clean up the huge mess she made of it and the bathroom. Finally, I had to get dinner going so it was ready by the time you got back.”

“Wait just one moment – ” Filthy raised a hoof as he shot a surprised look down at the little dragon, “you cooked dinner tonight?” He then turned back towards his wife, wearing a frown on his muzzle. “I thought you said we were having dinner catered?”

The mare of the house stepped forward from behind her servants and faced her husband with a broad smile. “We were, but it turns out The Great and Honorable Spike actually is a wonderful chef for the princess!”

Spike rolled his eyes and groused to himself. Laying it on a little thick, aren’t we? After everything you put me through? Spike was still confused from her sudden retreat earlier in the evening, and she still seemed cautious when speaking of him. Whatever it was, it didn’t matter – he was not about to forget the events earlier in the day.

“As the princess’ assistant,” Spoiled continued, “it only made sense that his cooking duties to her would also be included in the deal. Don’t you think that’s wonderful, dear?”

“As a matter of fact, I do not,” Filthy stated flatly. “Spike has his hooves – er claws – full enough as it is working around the house and seeing to our daughter’s needs. We really did not have to make him do the cooking when it would have been a simple matter to hire the caterer as we usually do!”

By now, the servants were giving the participants in the discussion strained looks as the vocal levels increased and the comfort levels of all involved dropped. Spoiled noticed this and relented. “Perhaps, but I’ll explain later, my dear. For now, we can all enjoy this nice…” she paused to point out with some derision the pot simmering on the prep table grill. “…stew – Spike has so kindly prepared for us.”

Filthy looked over at it and then sat back and released the straps to the crate he was carrying. It gently slid down his back and onto the floor. Free of the burden, he made his way over to the pot simmering before him and breathed in deeply. “Mmmm, well I must admit it does look amazingly good. The aroma alone is making me even hungrier than I already am!”

“Well, Mr. Rich,” Spike said, “it’s pretty much ready whenever you are all ready to sit down and eat.”

“Very well. Just give us all a some time to finish unloading these boxes and freshen up.” The stallion looked over at the three movers – all three of which were beginning to strain under the load of each crate or pile of boxes they were carrying – and chuckled lightly. “By the looks of things, I think it’s well past time we unburdened everypony from their loads!”

“I’ll lend you a claw, Mr. Rich.” Spike interjected. He dashed over to Randolph whose knees were wobbling a bit and helped slide the large crate off his back the same way Filthy Rich had done with his. Soon all of the items were resting safely on the kitchen floor, and the maids breathed a sigh of relief as they made their way to their quarters to clean up after their hard day’s work. 

Spike and Randolph then slid the newly added boxes to one side of the room, again attempting to keep the walkways between the cabinetry open. “Now Spike,” Filthy said, “I insist you eat with us. It’s the least I can do since you prepared dinner this evening.”

“About that,” Spike replied as he tapped his two index claws together nervously, the mare still standing by the kitchen entrance rolling her eyes over what the drake was about to say next. “It won’t be just me at the table. Part of the agreement was Randolph and the two maids would also join everypony tonight for dinner.”

Both Randolph and Filthy gave Spike an incredulous look upon hearing his statement. Filthy let out a slight chuckle and turned towards his wife, “You must really be intent on making an impression on your socialite friends to have agreed to that, dear.”

Spoiled tensed up at the remark. “At least somepony around here cares about such matters!”

Randolph, with no desire to be around for another debate between the stallion and mare of the house decided this would be a good time to change into a clean vest and quietly retreated from the room while she continued. “I know you are busy running the store most of the time, so it is up to me to make sure our good standing among the Canterlot elites is properly maintained.”

And with that one indiscretion of yours, you made my job all the more difficult, she added quietly to herself.

Filthy sighed. “I understand, dear – I’m not being critical. I was simply surprised to learn our temporary assistant managed to convince you to allow the servants to dine with us. I know I’ve tried in the past, but you always rejected the idea.”

Spoiled looked over her husband’s shoulder at Spike, who was now standing there staring at them with his arms crossed and a raised brow. The dragon had already won that battle, and she didn’t need that fact reinforced by her husband in from of him, so she quickly changed the subject. “I think it is about time we dressed for dinner. We can continue this discussion upstairs.”

“Very well.” Filthy answered. “Spike, you can continue working down here for now. I’ll have the servants set the table and serve dinner. We will meet you in the dining room shortly.”

“Okay, I’ll be here. Make sure you remind Randolph to set three extra places tonight!”

“Don’t worry, Spike – I’m sure he’ll remember,” he said as he nodded back at him.

With that, he and his wife exited the kitchen and made their way upstairs. When Filthy reached Diamond Tiara’s room, he paused in front of the bedroom door. “You go on ahead, dear. I’m going to say hello to Diamond.”

“That–that is quite alright, we can do it together. I want to make sure she is getting ready for dinner, anyway,” Spoiled replied with a tinge of nervousness in her voice.

Filthy let out the quietest breath of disapproval he could muster and lightly rapped on the bedroom door. “Diamond, may I come in?”

The quiet voice of a filly soon responded. “Is mother there with you?”

“Yes, she is. Is something wrong?”

There was a momentary pause, then Diamond answered. “Everything’s fine. I’m getting dressed right now. I’ll see you both downstairs.”

Filthy cocked his head slightly at her response, and then looked over to his wife, who tapped him on the shoulder as she spoke. “Come, let us talk.”

The two of them walked further down the hall and headed into their private sleeping quarters – a room that was even more ornate than their daughter's – as Spoiled shut the door behind them. “Now, let me explain–”

“What the hay was that about? What did you do that’s got her so rattled she wants to stay in her bedroom?”

“Don’t go raising your voice at me, dear. She’s been acting strange all evening, and even I cannot fathom what the issue is.”

“And yet,” Filthy said as he started changing out of his soiled clothing, “she specifically didn’t want to come out after learning you were with me. What is it this time that you’re making her do? More polishing of the floors?”

“Nothing of the sort. She is probably upset with me because I want her to prod our little dragon helper downstairs for any juicy tidbits he might know about the princess.”

It took a few moments, but he soon realized what his wife was up to, and he threw his head back with an exasperated expression. “Oh, give it a rest, will you? It’s bad enough I come home to find the princess’ dragon working his tail off on duties he wasn’t meant to have, and now you have this scheme that involves poking around the new princess’ private matters in an attempt to force her to pull favors for all of us!”

“As I said earlier, I’m only asking of him what he does for the princess. No more, no less.”

“Well, I would like him to do less. That dragon works with the princess who happens to be friends with the Element who happens to be my main supplier of produce!”

“Relax, dear. I doubt there will be any negative repercussions from him doing some basic hard work.” 

“Relax? I’ve got the Canterlot elites on my tail due to all your scheming, say nothing of the royals like Blueblood who’s threatening to throw me into some dark pit, never to be heard from again!” 

Spoiled sighed. “Oh ye of little faith. We’re not in any danger as long as the information I have stays safe – and it is safe. So quit getting your tail in a knot and let me do for you what I have always done – work behind the scenes to stack the deck in our favor so you are negotiating from the best possible position with your suppliers.”

Filthy frowned. “The way you talk makes it sound like my accomplishments are all your doing! You didn’t open the store, you know? Or are you talking credit for that, too?”

“Now, calm down. I didn’t mean it that way.” Spoiled quietly released a discontented breath; it wasn’t prudent to have her husband upset at her, certainly not while she was juggling the myriad of plans currently underway – even though she still had every right to be upset with him for what he did all those years ago. But for now, remaining poised was the best course of action. “Of course you are a great business leader in the community,” she cooed. “But I want you to know that without me – your loving wife – you would not have made nearly as many bits in recent years as you did.”

Filthy shook his head. “I don’t need to be lectured. And I know all too well most of the shenanigans going on behind the scenes are mostly for your benefit – not mine.”

The housemare’s eyes glared furiously as she bit her lip – hard.

The hay with poise.

He of all ponies had a lot of nerve accusing her of ‘shenanigans’, especially after what transpired all those moons ago.

“Shenanigans? You dare talk of shenanigans? How soon we forget, dear husband of mine! That incident you referred to back then as an ‘unfortunate transgression’ left me humiliated, unable to face my own family! It forced me to run with my tail between my legs and take up residence in Canterlot to spare the pain it caused, having to come up with excuses as to why I was away from my family. To have to say it was all for the benefit of our ‘social standing’ and I was perfectly fine with the situation!” Spoiled whimpered, her anger giving way to a rare moment of sadness. “You hurt me that day.”

Filthy hung his head. Filthy, you dumb pony. He had hoped that matter was behind them after her return last week – after so much time had passed with the two of them living apart. But the fresh acrimony this evening had ripped the scab off, the wound still raw underneath. “Look, I’m sorry–”

“That’s what you said back when you were caught! It didn’t help then and it doesn’t help now! Do you know how terrible it felt to be going along one day, following up on a juicy rumor involving a weather pony of all things, only to have it lead back to you?”

“I do know, and I’ll always regret it.” The stallion paused to let out a heavy sigh. “Look, I’m sorry for being upset at you earlier. I know Princess Twilight’s ascension was a major factor in your decision to move back in with us, but I also know you really want to try to make this work – especially for our little sweet pea.” He looked at her with tearful eyes. “I’ve asked this many a time already, but I’ll ask again: Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?”

“I can, but how can we make this work if you won’t let me live my life the way I want to live it? You are gone all day, leaving me here alone with nothing to do except on weekends with my tea club get-togethers!”

Filthy knew he was going to regret it, but he couldn’t say no to her anymore. “Very well. You can continue with your ‘persuasive tactics’ with the elites. I’ll – I’ll just keep fielding their complaints,” he finished with a sigh. “As for Spike, might I suggest a compromise – just to help keep my supply chain intact? I am okay with him being our temporary dinner chef, but please – hire the caterers or allow the servants we already have take care of breakfast for the next two days? Isn’t it enough that you can proclaim to your little group in Canterlot tomorrow that he’s cooking dinner for us? Is it really that important that he cook breakfast – or even lunch for that matter – in addition to dinner?”

Spoiled hedged for a moment, thinking over everything that had just transpired. Once again, Filthy had acquiesced to her demands – or at least most of them. Sympathy was a powerful motivator, and although everything she said about the pain she endured was heartfelt, it would be criminal to not take advantage of the situation…

A slight smirk that bubbled to the surface was quashed before it could make itself apparent; instead, she spoke plainly and politely to her penitent spouse. “Very well. I’ll make that one concession.” In all honesty, she did not care how many meals he cooked for them – if Spike had agreed to even cook one meal a day it would have been enough. She simply figured the more, the better, and whatever she could get out of the princess' assistant was fair.

“Thank you,” Filthy replied and gave his wife a quick peck on the cheek as he ran his hoof through her mane. “Thanks for understanding.”

Spoiled smiled openly. “You see? I can be reasonable,” she replied as she returned his touch with a gentle rub on his chin before crossing in front of him. “Now, I think we should get dressed for dinner. No doubt our sweet little angel is sitting at the table and wondering what is taking us so long.”

Filthy nodded in agreement as he joined her in heading towards their respective his-and-hers wardrobes. He was still famished, and the aroma of the stew the little dragon chef had waiting for them downstairs was now wafting into the room from a gap under the door.

Had they been looking at the glow of the lights coming under that gap, they would have noticed cast shadows from four tiny hoofed legs slowly recede into the hallway beyond.

> Dinner Theater
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The silence around the table was uncomfortable to say the least.

Dinner had started out well enough; the large dining table was arranged exquisitely, and Randolph even set the extra places for himself and the maids. One by one the guests entered and took their seats, except for Spike who was standing by next to the friendly butler. When the time came to serve the stew, Randolph offered to carry it on a serving tray over to the table, even though it would be difficult for an old pony like him to lift a hot iron pot from the center island grill. Spike, however, insisted he be the one to do the serving – just like he always did for Twilight – and much to the astonishment of Filthy and the servants, walked into the dining room tightly hugging the steaming pot with his bare claws.

Spoiled Rich, however, could only roll her eyes at the spectacle and shake her head. Diamond, too, was unimpressed – she simply sat motionless with an icy stare locked onto the little dragon as he took each step closer to the table.

After the stew was poured into each bowl, Filthy thanked Spike for the idea of inviting the servants to dine with the family – which elicited yet another exasperated expression from Spoiled. He then pointed out the two maids whom Spike had not yet been formally introduced: Lilac, a lavender mare with a turquoise mane and Veronica, who sported an orange coat and light burgundy mane.

With the pleasantries out of the way – and Spike, having finished his cooking duties for today, comfortably taking a seat at the far end of the table – the occupants in the room began eating. Other than Filthy paying another brief compliment to the chef for his culinary skills, everypony around the table remained silent.

The servants ate quietly, as servants would be predisposed to do when sitting with their employers. Spoiled sipped at each spoonful of her stew stoically, resisting the urge to admit it was good. Diamond sat and stared at the bowl, and only took a small taste when prodded by her father to do so.

Spike, meanwhile, sat fidgeting in his seat – his eyes darting from occupant to occupant as he assessed their reactions. 

And naturally, he took all of the awkward silence to mean something was amiss with his cooking and reacted the only way he knew how: panicking.

Had he used too much oregano? Too little salt? What could possibly be wrong with it? He was used to cooking for Twilight and himself, and this was one of the rare times he actually had to cook professionally for others. He knew he had gotten on the very bad side of at least two of them, but the silence from the others was unexpected, and any dissatisfaction was unacceptable. He had a reputation and his personal pride to uphold, for Celestia’s sake!

“So,” Spike began, gingerly breaking the awful stillness, “is – everypony enjoying the meal?”

Filthy looked up reassuringly at Spike and answered, “Spike, this is simply wonderful!”

The dragon breathed a small sigh of relief and relaxed back into his chair as the stallion continued. “Before you leave our service you must give me the recipe – I believe I would like to make an attempt at cooking this myself at some future date.”

His wife glared at him and shook her head, but Filthy paid no heed to her veto. The two maids noticed this and looked nervously at the couple, unsure of how to answer before Randolph raised himself in his seat and reassured the notably worried dragon. “Spike, my lad, forgive our lack of rejoinder. The stew is commendable, you needn’t concern yourself over it.”

The maids, now emboldened, nodded slightly before returning their gaze to the steaming bowls before them. Spoiled pursed her lower lip and sharply regarded the servants across the table, but said nothing. Diamond, for her part, remained cold and silent as she continued eating the stew in a piecemeal manner: halfheartedly stirring the concoction with her spoon before placing the thinly coated utensil in her muzzle to get a mere taste of it with each attempt.

“Diamond sweetheart,” Filthy said, with a slight hint of perturbance in his voice, “please eat like the refined filly you are, and not somepony else’s poorly raised foal.”

The stone-faced expression she wore disappeared momentarily – replaced by a cocky grin as she turned to her father and replied with only a few words before returning to stirring her bowl: “I’m eating just like you told me to.”

Filthy cleared his throat, angered at the insolence on display. “Diamond, that kind of behavior is not permitted at the table. Eat your dinner properly or there will be no dessert for you tonight!”

She looked around the table and saw all of the others now staring back at her. Her mother had raised her brow and wore skeptical look, no doubt clueful of her attempt at rebelling against the events earlier in the day. The maids quickly turned and looked at each other nervously once they saw she was glaring back at them. Randolph wore a sad expression and shook his head slightly. Even that dragon at the opposite end of the table had taken note of the situation and blinked twice as he stared back at her in dismay.

Feeling alone and self-conscious over her apparent spectacle, Diamond sighed as she forcibly flicked the spoon she was holding into the bowl. “I’m not hungry,” she grumbled. “If you’ll excuse me I’ll be up in my room.”

Nopony spoke as she abruptly pushed herself away and galloped out of the dining room, her hoofsteps not breaking their pace even as she climbed the stairs. Once the sounds ceased, Filthy turned to Spoiled and spoke. “That’s – not like her. I expected an argument from her like she usually gives us when she doesn’t like what’s being served, but for her to simply give up and go like that?” He let out a heavy breath as the others simply stared. “I’ll go talk to her. You –” he whispered to his wife, “you stay down here – I don’t want her locking the door again.”

Spoiled raised her hoof in protest, but slowly returned it to its place on her seat with a frown as Filthy bolted from the room. Seeing the remaining occupants stirring restlessly amongst themselves, she looked away disdainfully as she shook her head and raised herself in her seat. “As for the four of you, clear the table and clean everything up – dinner is over.”

With that, she abruptly got up and left. Soon after the sound of the office door across the hall could be heard opening and slamming shut.

With nary an utterance, the three servants proceeded to get up as well and clear the table. Spike, meanwhile, sat there, slack-jawed and bewildered.

“Is – is that really it? We’re just supposed to throw all this food away?” His voice trembled in anger as he spoke. All that work he put into that meal – all that effort to thank Randolph for helping him earlier – wasted.

“Spike, don’t fret,” Randolph replied with a sad expression. “I shall take the remainder of your wonderful stew and store it in the cooler. The maids and I will be happy to finish it once the move is complete.”

“Yes, Spike. Thank you for cooking for us and inviting us to dinner,” Veronica chimed in for the first time. “Although we didn’t get to enjoy it as we would have liked, it – it was a nice gesture nonetheless.”

Lilac nodded in agreement, “Indeed, dear Spike, my thanks to you as well.”

Randolph walked over to the flabbergasted dragon, still seated at his end of the table. “Why don’t you go home, eh? The sun has already set and I wouldn’t want you to worry the Princess. The three of us will take care of the post-dinner cleanup duties as we always have done. Think of it as our way of returning the favor for the lovely dinner, hm?”

Spike slumped in his seat, a defeated look having taken the place of confusion. Without argument, he scooted his rump off one side and slid down the edge on his tail until his feet touched the floor. “Um, okay – I guess… Are – are you sure you don’t want me to stay and help out?”

“We’ll do just fine,” Lilac said as she patted the little dragon on his frills. “Don’t worry your cute little head over it, okay?”

“Okay.” Spike sighed. “I – guess I’ll see the three of you tomorrow?”

“Yes, but you should probably arrive by nine. We will be leaving for Canterlot earlier since there will be substantially more items to move than there was today.”

Spike thought for a moment, and came to a realization. “Uh, isn’t that a little late for me to be starting breakfast?”

The butler rubbed his chin and thought for a bit. “Oh, I imagine the missus hasn’t told you yet – Mr. Rich informed me as he was coming down the stairs earlier you were only expected to cook the dinners – we will be handling breakfast for your remaining two days.”

As a matter of fact, she didn’t. He finished his thought with another smoky huff, but by this point he wasn’t all that surprised by the revelation and he simply was more relieved to hear the good news than anything else. “Well, that’s a relief at least. Alright then, I’ll be back at nine. Goodnight, everypony.”

Randolph ran up alongside him as he headed for the exit. “Here, allow me to get the door for you. That’s my job, after all!” He finished with a wink.

“Oh, right - the door,” Spike replied with a shy grin.

The two maids shouted their goodbyes just as he left the dining room, and only moments later Spike found himself outside in the cool evening air on the steps of the Rich mansion. He took a deep breath as he began walking; it was a blessing to finally get out of that stuffy environment. Making his way across the yard, he paused and chuckled as he passed the now-disheveled bush Twilight had so effectively deposited him into that morning.

He looked up, recalling their untimely crash landing, and noticed the first stars appearing in Luna’s burgeoning evening sky. It gave him a momentary sense of calm – something he yearned for much of the day. However, it was all too brief; for just as he reached the gate that was the last obstacle to being free of their turmoil until tomorrow, he heard the front door behind him unlatch and swing open, followed by an agitated mare rushing down the front steps.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Spoiled shouted at him.

Spike shrunk back against the gate, startled, but soon regained his composure – and attitude – even rolling his eyes at the mare as he replied to her sternly. “Home. Randolph, Veronica and Lilac released me from my duties for the evening. Is there a problem?” 

“As a matter of fact, there is. In the future, clear it with me before you depart, do you understand?”

Spike shrugged his shoulders. “Sure.” He then raised a brow and threw a question back at her. “So, Spoiled,” he snickered once under his breath over finally using her first name to her face, “just when were you planning on telling me I didn’t have to cook breakfast anymore?”

The mare stepped backward, slightly rattled by the little dragon’s impetuous query. “How – dare you!” she cried. “First of all, you will only address me either as ma’am or Mrs. Rich. Second, I’ll have you know I was planning on informing you before you left. But you walked out before I had the chance!”

Spike scrutinized her expression and pondered her words for a moment – she could indeed be telling the truth, but he kind of doubted it. After everything he had been through today, he wouldn’t put it past her to try and get a freebie by letting him show up the next morning and mistakenly start cooking before he was told it wasn't necessary.

In the end, he decided he had more than enough rancor for one evening and simply relented in his stance, proceeding to swing the gate open and step through. “Well, alright then. In any case, I’m outta here. See you all in the morning,” he said as he turned his back on her, signaling her with a single wave with the back of his claw as he walked off down the street.

Spoiled leaned forward and shouted again, annoyed by his rude mannerisms and lack of respect. “Do you even know what time to return?”

“Nine.”

She considered this briefly and then responded, “Make it eight-thirty.”

Spike paused and grumbled under his breath. For an instant, he thought about keeping silent and simply walking away as if he didn’t hear her. But that stubborn little Number One Assistant in him asserted itself and wouldn’t let it go. “Fine.”

With that reluctant agreement, he continued away from the source of the day’s calamitous goings-on, picking up the pace as he made a beeline for the center of town. He only stopped momentarily and glanced back when the familiar sound of the front door's metallic latches echoed through the street from behind him. The dragon’s eyes narrowed on Spoiled as she slipped through and then closed the mansion’s unwieldy main entrance, her final demand sticking in his fiery craw.

“Witch.”




The upstairs hall was almost completely dark, save for the illumination filtering up the stairwell from below. Filthy Rich quietly approached his daughter’s bedroom door and carefully pressed his ear against it.

Silence.

He softly rapped on the door three times and waited for an answer. When none came, he decided he had waited long enough and called out to her. “Diamond? Sweet pea? Are you okay?”

“Go away,” came a muffled response from behind the door.

“Look, honey – it’s – it’s just that I’m concerned for you, that’s all.” After another moment passed without a response, he added, “Your mother isn’t here with me.”

Another long pause, and then a reply.

“The door’s unlocked.”

Filthy slowly turned the knob and the door swung open to the darkened room. Long, diffuse shadows of muntins painted the floor and covers of Diamond’s bed as the rising moon’s dull, blue-gray glow cast itself through the opposite window. As he approached her bed, he could make out the silhouette of the covers rhythmically rising and falling with each breath of his precious daughter.

“Diamond, I don’t understand what has you so upset this evening. That was very rude of you to treat our guest Spike in that manner.”

“Good. He deserved it.”

Filthy shook his head. “He did not. I know you’ve been upset ever since your mother made plans to have him assist us, but that’s no reason to treat him so poorly.”

Diamond threw off her covers and glowered at her father standing at the side of her bed. “You’re wrong, father – he most definitely should be treated that way! He’s a crude, horrible monster. And a homewrecker – in every sense of the word!”

“Homewrecker? How can you say that – he’s been nothing but helpful!”

“Helpful? As in getting all of us fighting with one another? Is that what you mean by helpful? Ever since he arrived it’s been one argument after another.” She turned away before finishing. “Especially between you and mother…”

Filthy took a step back, alarmed by his daughter’s words. Had she heard Spoiled and him in their quarters? Or was she referring to all the drama going on during dinner? Either way, he thought it best to defuse the conversation. “Look, he’s the assistant to the Princess of Friendship and hero of the Crystal Empire. I want you to treat him with some respect – for me. Alright sweet pea?”

Diamond snorted at her father’s request and looked him straight in the eye. “Why should I respect a fire-breathing dragon who nearly destroyed the town a few years ago?”

Filthy shot her a confused look, unsure of even how to respond to such a claim. “What are you talking about? From what I heard, that dragon was enormous. Spike is nowhere near that size.”

“I – I know that,” she stammered, not sure of how to explain the discrepancy. “But you were busy at the store that day and I was a lot closer. I got a good look at that thing, and I’m telling you it’s him!”

“Nonsense. That was just some random dragon that wandered through town – just like all those other creatures that venture out of the Everfree from time to time. From what Randolph said, it wandered off toward the mountains just as quickly as it arrived – nopony was harmed and the damage was fixed in a few weeks.”

Filthy chuckled slightly as he recalled that time in greater detail. “Y’know, it’s funny – the only damage we suffered was the giant footprint it left in the yard – and that eventually became the swimming pool!”

Diamond regarded her father glumly; she had conveniently stashed away the memory of how the pool came to exist. Instead of paying a landscaping firm to come in and bulldoze the yard to fix the deep impression of a dragon clawprint, her father decided to splurge and dig the depression deeper, having it reshaped into something resembling a kidney-bean before adding the plumbing and lining it with cement.

Those 31,000 gallons of in-ground aqueous bliss helped her put aside the memories of the attack, and more importantly, were yet another perk she used to make the lives of those blank-flanks miserable by excluding them from the exclusive pool parties she hosted – save for one time when she tried to get into their good graces due to their relationship with the Princess.

She felt a sudden pain in her stomach, realizing the day had come full circle. It started with her mother embarrassing her – in front of the Princess herself, no less – when she tried to claim the both of them were friends. And as fate would have it, here she was thinking about the very pool party that was inexorably tied to her ability to make that false proclamation.

Now, not only was that pool tied to her humiliation, but it was bound up in the attack by that very same dragon she was expected to keep company tomorrow – all by herself. A dragon she was instructed to string along with her wiles until he divulged some as-of-yet-unknown tidbit of information her mother could use.

“Diamond, honey – are you feeling alright?” Filthy took note of her ashen expression and sagging features and began to worry. “You don’t look well at all.”

“No, I don’t, do I? How would you feel if you were about to be left alone with somepony you despise? Somepony you try and try again to warn others about, but nopony will even listen. Wouldn’t that make you feel sick, too?”

The stallion brushed the curls lying against his daughter’s forehead and sighed, “Sure, I understand. The two of you don’t get along – but you have to be reasonable. I know you’re scared–”

“I am most certainly not scared,” Diamond yelled as she jumped to her hooves, fighting back tears that would reveal otherwise. “Don’t ever think that again, understand?”

Filthy’s jaw slackened in shock as he looked sadly at the distraught filly staring him down from atop her mattress. He heaved a heavy breath and replied somberly, “If it were up to me, I’d take you along with us. But we both know your mother isn’t going to allow it since she’s got you all wrapped up in this insane plan to somehow gather gossip on Princess Twilight…”

Diamond sighed. “Yes, I know. What is she thinking? It’s bad enough having to get close with the Princess’ horrid assistant, it’s even worse knowing what a dangerous game mother is playing – with an alicorn, no less!”

“You mother – she…” He broke off, uncertain of how to express his feelings on the matter. Despite being unhappy his daughter was being used in this manner, he still bore the emotional scars from the argument earlier. Unwilling to speak derisively of his wife any further, he ceded the argument and finished his thought impassively: “She seems to know what she’s doing.”

The filly looked at the sad, broken stallion before her – pleading with his eyes for her to not put up a fuss – the very same stallion she had heard only a half-hour earlier pleading similarly to her mother, albeit for entirely different – and less forgivable – reasons.

The more she studied his concerned expression, the less she recognized the father she had adored and admired her entire life. Here he stood – begging her – no better than those pathetic lovesick colts in her class. Instead of romantic love, this stallion – with his forlorn expression – was hoping once again to see the love a daughter has for her father by doing her this one favor.

But love was all the same to her now – that emotion – in any form – served only to expose oneself to pain and weakness. Indeed, it seems mother had been right all along – being a scheming, cold-hearted pony was the only way to truly come out ahead.

Diamond wished she could be away from all of this, living like a real princess in some faraway land – far from her parents, far from any strife, and served by a loyal staff of servants who would see to her every whim.

“Maybe I should just run away…”

Filthy sighed. “Look, don’t be irrational, sweetie. It breaks my heart seeing you so upset, but – we all must do what we must to succeed, no matter the consequences. Do you understand?”

Diamond remained silent and simply pulled the quilt over her face, hiding the tears that had begun to pool in her eyes.

The forlorn stallion shook his head sadly, and then got an idea. He squinted to get a glimpse through the darkness of the bedroom and spotted a quill and stack of paper on the desk next to the door. He silently trotted over and turned on the small lamp sitting atop of it to allow the work area better illumination for the document he had in mind.

The light got the attention of the filly in the bed and she rose again, rubbing a tear that had run down her cheek. As he gently took a seat in front of the small desk, Diamond strained to see what he could be writing, but couldn’t make it out from that distance. After a few more moments, he put the quill away and carried the white parchment in his muzzle over to the little filly and gently placed it on the edge of her bed.

“This is for you, sweetheart. I hope it will be enough to make you feel better and change your mind.” Diamond picked up the white sheet of paper with both hooves and and began reading it aloud:

“This letter is a legally binding contract indicating one Filthy Rich owes one favor to one Diamond Tiara for completing her obligation to keep one dragon – formally known as Spike the Brave and Glorious – company for the duration of his stay which will nominally be until the move from the Canterlot residence is complete.”

Diamond looked up at her father with a frown, only to be prodded by him to continue reading.

“Once this obligation has been fulfilled, one Diamond Tiara will be permitted to ask one Filthy Rich for one favor, including – but not limited to – toys, bits, travel, or any reasonable request.”

The filly paused and gave a single, derisive laugh as she regarded her father with a raised eyebrow, furiously waving the agreement right in his face. “Really? You’re trying to bribe your own daughter with an I.O.U?”

“I’m just trying to be fair. I think we both know you’ll never really run away – you’re simply not capable of living without the amenities this house provides. Be reasonable, sweetheart, and we can both come out ahead from this situation.”

Diamond snorted in response to his reasoning, and finished the last bit of the letter. “There is no expiration date on the redemption of the favor. Signed, Filthy Rich.”

“Keep that letter with you, sweetheart – you never know when something will strike your fancy. Simply write down what it is you want and deliver it to me. I’ll will then do my best to fulfill your request.”

The well-to-do filly didn’t know how to respond. First and foremost, this favor would do her no good if she was nothing but a burnt pile of ash – or a pile of something worse – after being left alone with that dragon. Additionally, bribing others had become her schtick – she wasn’t the one meant to be bribed! It felt cheap, like she was being manipulated. This was totally inappropriate for somepony of her significance – those common ponies she bribed needed her wealth and popularity to feel important! She didn’t need anything, certainly not anything her father could offer her – except for a way out of this deal.

She was on the verge of shredding the document into tiny pieces, but a voice in her head told her not to. Perhaps this I.O.U. might be a way to get out of some of her mother’s demanding, ‘character-building’ chores, especially if she could leverage their suspension to last for a good, long while. However, she also knew her father had already unsuccessfully tried to lessen them to no avail. She had wondered why he was so ineffectual at influencing her, but the conversation she overheard from their quarters earlier pretty much made it clear why he was so hen-pecked since her return to Ponyville.

Perhaps she could ask for something just for herself, even though she was already vigorously doted on by everypony close to her. A trip to the spa for a week, or even a trip to some exotic land might not even be out of the question.

Whatever her decision, she had more than enough of talking with anypony this evening, and simply wished to be left alone. She tossed the letter onto the second set of pillows stacked next to her and rolled over again, wrapping herself in her quilt once more. “I’d like to be left alone now,” came a muffled, shaky voice.

“I understand. Goodnight, sweet pea.” He tried to pat her on the head through the quilt, but she only responded by pulling away to the side. Filthy turned and walked back to the exit, extinguishing the desk lamp as he passed by it. “Your mother and I really do care about you. Don’t forget.”

Diamond waited until she heard the creak of the door and the latch shut before finally whispering to herself.

“That may be, father – but it doesn’t change the fact that you’ve both left me feeling miserable and wishing I was somepony else…”