So I don't think this one was as good as the last one. It's certainly not as kinky, and arguably more squicky depending on your sensibilities. But this was supposed to be an interlude anyways. More of an information dump that I threw a clop scene into. Hopefully I'll do better with the next one.
Also, keep in mind I added some stuff to the last chapter, so if the last time you read it it ended with Twilight talking to the changeling, then you should go back to that point again. I added about 5k words or so after that of an encounter with her and RD, and some more stuff. Hopefully between that and this, the story is starting to unfold. Now that I'm about halfway through or so. Damn I'm terrible at story stuff.
As always, let me know if you see any errors. I love to get criticism much more than anything. But I'm always happy for any comment, even mindless flaming! If you're embarrassed to have your account linked to here but like my story, just give me a thumb and a PM. I'll appreciate it and won't tell. Same goes if you don't like it. Tell me what I'm doing wrong/screwing up and send a thumbs down my way. It's weird I have about 1k views and only about 50 thumbs up and down. That's a 5% thumb rate. You guys would make terrible gladiatorial judges.
i see your following the middle path tho not as i was expecting i really look forward to seeing how the story pulls through this'll be quite interesting. anyway good scene with shining armoe i do wonder tho will cadences horn ever grow back? and i really do hope they free luna soon even if its under stringint conditions. o and i really do hope that not all of twilights love for celestia is gone that for me would be sad. so heres to seeing what the next chapter will bring maybe rainbow gets to assist in convincing her friends to change and assist twilight. what about that anyway till next chapter kudos and cheers
Registered just to leave a comment. So here I am studying for an upcoming exam. Suddenly I decide to read a random fic to relax for a few minutes. And what do I get? I get three hours of unimaginable reading experience. The plot is marvellous, the setting is original, the idea of it all is outstanding and the whole thing combined is purely sensational. Seriously, it is a rarity to find a fanfic so well written. It is not oriented around the clop, but it still is an important part of the story, and that is what makes it outstanding, along with the quality of the writing. So, I consider these hours well spent, and even if I will fail tomorrow exam due to the lack of last night studying - I still won't regret it. But I'll blame you anyway, so the only thing you can do to redeem yourself is to write more chapters. P. S. Hey, you! Yes, you, random brony reading this post! Go login/register right now and thumb up the story, or I'll find you and turn you into changeling.
Uhh... Thanks! You absolutely sure you have the right story though? That sure doesn't sound like mine.
Sorry for interrupting your studying, you should really get to that. I'd be pretty ashamed to think you failed because of me.
There are lot's of well written things on this site that I've found! I'm at the moment digging through "Xenophilia". And It's awesome so far. It's much better written then mine. I'd recommend it if you want something more tame than what I'm doing.
As for the story direction, honestly it will play out how it plays out. I'm terrible at foreshadowing, so things don't always go how it feels they will.
*edited to correct "Xenophilia", I had originally typed "Xenophile"
Jeez, man, this story is so good I logged in just to comment on it. Definitely Faving. Each character sounds like Studio B wrote the lines themselves (if they were all really horny).
Fine. I made this account specifically to thumbs up this story and say how awesome it is. Now I'm no literature critic, but I can tell the difference between a good story and a bad one, and the fact that I found myself contemplating it days later while on break means that it definitely left a mark. Keep it up!
727762 I wasn't sure where to start at first, but I've asked around. It seems the most important thing about Reader-Writer relationship is trust. So we're going to work on that. I will trust you to continue posting great chapters, and you will trust me to be a honest judge, a supportive commenter and a thankful reader. If we keep it up, we can eventually get your story into an epic tale of Love, known and favoured by many.
...
Yes, pretty emotional post, so what? I do mean it.
729818 Thanks! 745300 Goal! 755794 Sweet. Thanks for the effort! 756421 I laughed heartily at your comment. But seriously, this was supposed to be grimdark fetish fuel. I just happened to be unable to stick to my plans.
Chapter 3 was supposed to end on a slightly darker note, but I was fine with the note it did end on. Chapter 4 originally had a completely different much darker ending. I had to make serious story changes to accommodate the actual ending. Chapter five was not originally planned, but I was behind on story elements, so I used it for an information dump/ kinda dark clop scene and character building thing. I am currently 12k words into chapter six. I intended to have it out today, but there is no way it's going to happen.
I can't write the lead character for squat, and somehow this chapter is becoming sticky sweet. I can't let that happen, I need some bad stuff to happen for story purposes. I feel bad having all the bad stuff happen to Twilight and Cadence, they need to share the not love. But I don't think I can put it in this chapter... I'm going to have to do another interlude for a different character, or be especially brutal to one or two of the remaining ponies. If no bad stuff happens, my climax will fizzle. Just like my IRL climaxes.
TLDR: New chapter as soon as I get some more time, today failed.
757022 >this was supposed to be grimdark fetish fuel Indeed the forms our love takes are numerous and varied, and ways we choose to express it are even more so.
So I don't think this one was as good as the last one. It's certainly not as kinky, and arguably more squicky depending on your sensibilities. But this was supposed to be an interlude anyways. More of an information dump that I threw a clop scene into. Hopefully I'll do better with the next one.
Also, keep in mind I added some stuff to the last chapter, so if the last time you read it it ended with Twilight talking to the changeling, then you should go back to that point again. I added about 5k words or so after that of an encounter with her and RD, and some more stuff. Hopefully between that and this, the story is starting to unfold. Now that I'm about halfway through or so. Damn I'm terrible at story stuff.
As always, let me know if you see any errors. I love to get criticism much more than anything. But I'm always happy for any comment, even mindless flaming! If you're embarrassed to have your account linked to here but like my story, just give me a thumb and a PM. I'll appreciate it and won't tell. Same goes if you don't like it. Tell me what I'm doing wrong/screwing up and send a thumbs down my way. It's weird I have about 1k views and only about 50 thumbs up and down. That's a 5% thumb rate. You guys would make terrible gladiatorial judges.
Again, should not want...
I have a thing for manipulation and stuff, so thumbs up on this chapter
i see your following the middle path tho not as i was expecting i really look forward to seeing how the story pulls through this'll be quite interesting. anyway good scene with shining armoe i do wonder tho will cadences horn ever grow back? and i really do hope they free luna soon even if its under stringint conditions. o and i really do hope that not all of twilights love for celestia is gone that for me would be sad. so heres to seeing what the next chapter will bring maybe rainbow gets to assist in convincing her friends to change and assist twilight. what about that anyway
till next chapter kudos and cheers
Registered just to leave a comment.
So here I am studying for an upcoming exam. Suddenly I decide to read a random fic to relax for a few minutes. And what do I get? I get three hours of unimaginable reading experience. The plot is marvellous, the setting is original, the idea of it all is outstanding and the whole thing combined is purely sensational.
Seriously, it is a rarity to find a fanfic so well written. It is not oriented around the clop, but it still is an important part of the story, and that is what makes it outstanding, along with the quality of the writing.
So, I consider these hours well spent, and even if I will fail tomorrow exam due to the lack of last night studying - I still won't regret it. But I'll blame you anyway, so the only thing you can do to redeem yourself is to write more chapters.
P. S.
Hey, you! Yes, you, random brony reading this post!
Go login/register right now and thumb up the story, or I'll find you and turn you into changeling.
727627
Uhh... Thanks! You absolutely sure you have the right story though? That sure doesn't sound like mine.
Sorry for interrupting your studying, you should really get to that. I'd be pretty ashamed to think you failed because of me.
There are lot's of well written things on this site that I've found! I'm at the moment digging through "Xenophilia". And It's awesome so far. It's much better written then mine. I'd recommend it if you want something more tame than what I'm doing.
725534>>726727
Thanks for the comments guys!
As for the story direction, honestly it will play out how it plays out. I'm terrible at foreshadowing, so things don't always go how it feels they will.
*edited to correct "Xenophilia", I had originally typed "Xenophile"
727762
Oh, don't be shy, you're awesome.
Jeez, man, this story is so good I logged in just to comment on it. Definitely Faving. Each character sounds like Studio B wrote the lines themselves (if they were all really horny).
I am deeply disturbed and upset...Thumbs Up!
727627
Fine. I made this account specifically to thumbs up this story and say how awesome it is. Now I'm no literature critic, but I can tell the difference between a good story and a bad one, and the fact that I found myself contemplating it days later while on break means that it definitely left a mark. Keep it up!
755794
That is exactly what I meant.
727762
I wasn't sure where to start at first, but I've asked around. It seems the most important thing about Reader-Writer relationship is trust. So we're going to work on that.
I will trust you to continue posting great chapters, and you will trust me to be a honest judge, a supportive commenter and a thankful reader.
If we keep it up, we can eventually get your story into an epic tale of Love, known and favoured by many.
...
Yes, pretty emotional post, so what? I do mean it.
729818
Thanks!
745300
Goal!
755794
Sweet. Thanks for the effort!
756421
I laughed heartily at your comment. But seriously, this was supposed to be grimdark fetish fuel. I just happened to be unable to stick to my plans.
Chapter 3 was supposed to end on a slightly darker note, but I was fine with the note it did end on. Chapter 4 originally had a completely different much darker ending. I had to make serious story changes to accommodate the actual ending. Chapter five was not originally planned, but I was behind on story elements, so I used it for an information dump/ kinda dark clop scene and character building thing. I am currently 12k words into chapter six. I intended to have it out today, but there is no way it's going to happen.
I can't write the lead character for squat, and somehow this chapter is becoming sticky sweet. I can't let that happen, I need some bad stuff to happen for story purposes. I feel bad having all the bad stuff happen to Twilight and Cadence, they need to share the not love. But I don't think I can put it in this chapter... I'm going to have to do another interlude for a different character, or be especially brutal to one or two of the remaining ponies. If no bad stuff happens, my climax will fizzle. Just like my IRL climaxes.
TLDR: New chapter as soon as I get some more time, today failed.
757022
>this was supposed to be grimdark fetish fuel
Indeed the forms our love takes are numerous and varied, and ways we choose to express it are even more so.
I think this was one of the best yet!
Chrysalis seems to be exacting some revenge on Luna for abandoning her creations.
This chapter definitely had more exposition than previous chapters.
I there was a revanger ever stepping into this world, ide give him/her this theme.
Very weird. Have had enough weird for one night. Will continue later...