Once again, I have no idea what I made me do this.
The only thing I can promise about this chapter is that it does not end with changeling Twilight lost in lust and raping Fluttershy by impregnating her with hundreds of eggs while Fluttershy copes by experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation to make the pain go away.
I would like to reiterate that this promise only includes this current chapter and no future or previous chapters.
this chapter was awsome anyway good job portraying rainbowdash i'm suprised at how the changeling was able to turn her so easily anyway this was awsome soo... good job i love this sofar.
also on a further note i wonder what twilight is up to? and i still feel really sorry for luna and celestia i'm suprised at how twi was willingly alowed into lunas mind.
Thanks for commenting! I did want to drag the whole chapter out for Rainbow's sake, but it felt like I was going to have to write 30k+ words to give her an honest go. I also threw in a little time skip at the end to help compensate, I should probably edit the story to make it more clear.
I was pretty much done writing this chapter by the time I got to Twilight. She was supposed to give more exposition. I might add it on as a part two to this chapter. It would have helped along some of your questions. I don't want this to be a maze of chapters, so If I don't put it up before I write the next one, I might have to tack it on to the end of this chapter. I'll make some kind of announcement to read the end of this chapter again if that happens. We'll see what I get around to doing first.
Also this is the first chapter I didn't write all at once. I didn't have a large single chunk of time to write it, so different sections were written over different days. You can kind of feel it in the flow of the story. I tried to smooth it out in my last edit, but It's still present. I enjoyed writing it, but it was difficult for me. This is sort of what I'm trying to accomplish: write something difficult that I enjoy doing.
I currently have three different possible endings I'm trying to decide on. I could really earn that tragedy tag and make this end in a Shakespearean bloodbath of misunderstanding. It could have a bizarre happy ending. Or it could have something in between, more of a bittersweet go. I'll just have to see what happens next. Maybe Pinkie will help me decide.
I like comments, so please! Any complaints, criticism or anything at all. I actually like getting negative things as they help me improve. Positive things are good as well, but silence sucks!
713066 honestly take the middle path with the bittersweet ending like say twilight somehow convinces chrysalis that the swarm would benifit from befriending the pony's rather than controlling them but in the end she cant go bak to being a regular unicorn and has to leave her friends and join the hive perminantly even tho she saved ponykind. eh things similar to that but that would kinda be a happie ending also the princesses could escape and assist twi in taking controll of the hive and freeing the elements and assisting in the change and helpin the pony's free... soo many ideas anyway its your choice how you progress and also if you want to update your story inbetween chapters you can do an overhaul of previous chapters once you get to certain parts of the story then you could basically put ina blog post saying that you just updated parts of the story to add more story for consumption by the readers. anyway it'll be interesting to see what you put in next chapter how twi handles rainbow. one last thing, are you going to put in the reasons why luna freely allowd twi into her mind even tho twilight was a changeling?
as for criticism there really is nothing for me to say against this chapter or any of the previous ones. but someone else might if i find anything i'll let you know.
And why does every 'Changeling win" fic mean death and horror? Chrysalis just wanted to feed her people. Conquering Equestria was just the aggressive version. Conversion pods, feeding = slow death, and all that jazz is just blech and meh.
She was dreaming of conquering Canterlot and all that since she was small, I doubt that all she wanted to do was feed her people.
I extended the chapter. No changes were made to the chapter, just more was tacked on after Twilight. This chapter is now complete, and reads like a 14 year old's wet dream. On to the next weird thing.
Please inform me of any grammar errors and whatnot, This chapter is huge and I hope there aren't too many mistakes.
I'm taking comments about the direction the story flows into consideration, but ultimately will do what plays out as I write it. I have this problem where I start writing something and it's something completely different by the time I'm done. This was supposed to end with a desperate Rainbow Dash trying to maintain her sanity by killing the changeling who was warping her. As I kept writing the characters, I realized that wouldn't happen. Oops. Storyline change.
If you ask me, that's how you know you might be onto something great: When you create characters who feel so real, that THEY dictate the story, not necessarily you. As long as there is enough direction to reel the story in if it starts going out of hand, characters like that make for an extremely interesting and convincing read.
That said, you are doing a great job with this story so far. I'm not going to lie, I have totally given up on clopping by now, I would happily read this through to completion without a single sex scene. You've created a really interesting alternate world, and I want to see how the various characters all grow into (or against) their roles in this "new Equestria". So far, you seem to be doing admirably in keeping the characters true their show personalities as much as possible.
Minor nitpicking moment: There are several misuses of the notorious There, Their, and They're homonyms. That aside, it's nice to see somepony who can write comprehensibly. Some of these authors who post stories have such atrocious grammar that it's tortuous to read any length of writing at a time. Thank you for not being one of those writers. xD
I don't know if you're interested in having someone proofread your chapters before you upload, but I'm sure I could set aside some time if you ever wanted me to try to catch the basic mistakes like the there/their/they're stuff that might slip by your radar while you're writing.
I might be alone on this, but Shakespearean tragedy all the way. For some reason, I feel like it might be the least nightmare inducing ending possible, what with avoiding the long term effects of brainwashing and Stockholm-Syndrome and all. Of course, if nightmare inducing is what you're going for, then go with the happy ending.
Also, this story confuses my emotions. In a good way. I think.
The whole thing about Twilight being re-constructed and brainwashed and the fact that she began talking about using the elemnts to bring all of them together made me thing of the Mass Effect 3 synthesis ending...
intresting progression at first when i read the first chapter i thought it would have little story and mostly clop know its half and half i came for the changlings and kept reading because of the clop and stayed because of the story so awsome these are tears of happyness
Suddenly, the tragedy that befell Equestria seems to have a silver lining. The elements have the potential to clean everything up into a manageable mess, Dash and Fluttershy seem to show signs of gaining mutual "affection" and possibly even love. It really goes into some of the most interesting mental processes and perceptions of the mind, even touching on the actual machinations of love itself! It toys with the ideas and logic behind twisting one's own mind to meet a goal until you must work against the goal itself in some deluded attempt to achieve it or even throw the goal out all together as it loses it's importance with the ever constant changes and "exceptions" made in your ideology simply to stay alive and keep up with the changing times.
Captured by an overwhelming enemy that has you completely in their power and somehow considers you important enough to torture, your reaction is open defiance? That's just a self-serving way of saying "plainly reveal to the enemy whether or not you're broken yet". The actually heroic thing to do in that situation would be to give in to their little mind games immediately and save defiance for when/if they tell you to do something that would actually harm your side. It won't, in all likelihood, make the whole trip any more pleasant for you, but at least you'd be forcing the enemy to choose between the risk of trying to use you while you might still be holding out, or spending more resources to keep breaking you after it's already done.
It's quite in character for RD, though. Very disturbing chapter, very thought-provoking. Kudos to the author.
Once again, I have no idea what I made me do this.
The only thing I can promise about this chapter is that it does not end with changeling Twilight lost in lust and raping Fluttershy by impregnating her with hundreds of eggs while Fluttershy copes by experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation to make the pain go away.
I would like to reiterate that this promise only includes this current chapter and no future or previous chapters.
this chapter was awsome anyway good job portraying rainbowdash i'm suprised at how the changeling was able to turn her so easily anyway this was awsome soo... good job i love this sofar.
also on a further note i wonder what twilight is up to? and i still feel really sorry for luna and celestia i'm suprised at how twi was willingly alowed into lunas mind.
711404
Thanks for commenting!
I did want to drag the whole chapter out for Rainbow's sake, but it felt like I was going to have to write 30k+ words to give her an honest go. I also threw in a little time skip at the end to help compensate, I should probably edit the story to make it more clear.
I was pretty much done writing this chapter by the time I got to Twilight. She was supposed to give more exposition. I might add it on as a part two to this chapter. It would have helped along some of your questions. I don't want this to be a maze of chapters, so If I don't put it up before I write the next one, I might have to tack it on to the end of this chapter. I'll make some kind of announcement to read the end of this chapter again if that happens. We'll see what I get around to doing first.
Also this is the first chapter I didn't write all at once. I didn't have a large single chunk of time to write it, so different sections were written over different days. You can kind of feel it in the flow of the story. I tried to smooth it out in my last edit, but It's still present. I enjoyed writing it, but it was difficult for me. This is sort of what I'm trying to accomplish: write something difficult that I enjoy doing.
I currently have three different possible endings I'm trying to decide on. I could really earn that tragedy tag and make this end in a Shakespearean bloodbath of misunderstanding. It could have a bizarre happy ending. Or it could have something in between, more of a bittersweet go. I'll just have to see what happens next.
Maybe Pinkie will help me decide.
I like comments, so please! Any complaints, criticism or anything at all. I actually like getting negative things as they help me improve. Positive things are good as well, but silence sucks!
713066 honestly take the middle path with the bittersweet ending like say twilight somehow convinces chrysalis that the swarm would benifit from befriending the pony's rather than controlling them but in the end she cant go bak to being a regular unicorn and has to leave her friends and join the hive perminantly even tho she saved ponykind. eh things similar to that but that would kinda be a happie ending also the princesses could escape and assist twi in taking controll of the hive and freeing the elements and assisting in the change and helpin the pony's free... soo many ideas anyway its your choice how you progress and also if you want to update your story inbetween chapters you can do an overhaul of previous chapters once you get to certain parts of the story then you could basically put ina blog post saying that you just updated parts of the story to add more story for consumption by the readers. anyway it'll be interesting to see what you put in next chapter how twi handles rainbow.
one last thing, are you going to put in the reasons why luna freely allowd twi into her mind even tho twilight was a changeling?
as for criticism there really is nothing for me to say against this chapter or any of the previous ones. but someone else might if i find anything i'll let you know.
687983
She was dreaming of conquering Canterlot and all that since she was small, I doubt that all she wanted to do was feed her people.
I vote for bizarre happy ending.
Happy ending has my vote as well.
this is fantastic and i want more
I extended the chapter. No changes were made to the chapter, just more was tacked on after Twilight. This chapter is now complete, and reads like a 14 year old's wet dream. On to the next weird thing.
Please inform me of any grammar errors and whatnot, This chapter is huge and I hope there aren't too many mistakes.
I'm taking comments about the direction the story flows into consideration, but ultimately will do what plays out as I write it. I have this problem where I start writing something and it's something completely different by the time I'm done. This was supposed to end with a desperate Rainbow Dash trying to maintain her sanity by killing the changeling who was warping her. As I kept writing the characters, I realized that wouldn't happen. Oops. Storyline change.
Lets see what happens next!
>>tailsopony
If you ask me, that's how you know you might be onto something great: When you create characters who feel so real, that THEY dictate the story, not necessarily you. As long as there is enough direction to reel the story in if it starts going out of hand, characters like that make for an extremely interesting and convincing read.
That said, you are doing a great job with this story so far. I'm not going to lie, I have totally given up on clopping by now, I would happily read this through to completion without a single sex scene. You've created a really interesting alternate world, and I want to see how the various characters all grow into (or against) their roles in this "new Equestria". So far, you seem to be doing admirably in keeping the characters true their show personalities as much as possible.
Minor nitpicking moment: There are several misuses of the notorious There, Their, and They're homonyms. That aside, it's nice to see somepony who can write comprehensibly. Some of these authors who post stories have such atrocious grammar that it's tortuous to read any length of writing at a time. Thank you for not being one of those writers. xD
I don't know if you're interested in having someone proofread your chapters before you upload, but I'm sure I could set aside some time if you ever wanted me to try to catch the basic mistakes like the there/their/they're stuff that might slip by your radar while you're writing.
I might be alone on this, but Shakespearean tragedy all the way. For some reason, I feel like it might be the least nightmare inducing ending possible, what with avoiding the long term effects of brainwashing and Stockholm-Syndrome and all. Of course, if nightmare inducing is what you're going for, then go with the happy ending.
Also, this story confuses my emotions. In a good way. I think.
The whole thing about Twilight being re-constructed and brainwashed and the fact that she began talking about using the elemnts to bring all of them together made me thing of the Mass Effect 3 synthesis ending...
intresting progression at first when i read the first chapter i thought it would have little story and mostly clop know its half and half i came for the changlings and kept reading because of the clop and stayed because of the story so awsome these are tears of happyness
Suddenly, the tragedy that befell Equestria seems to have a silver lining. The elements have the potential to clean everything up into a manageable mess, Dash and Fluttershy seem to show signs of gaining mutual "affection" and possibly even love. It really goes into some of the most interesting mental processes and perceptions of the mind, even touching on the actual machinations of love itself! It toys with the ideas and logic behind twisting one's own mind to meet a goal until you must work against the goal itself in some deluded attempt to achieve it or even throw the goal out all together as it loses it's importance with the ever constant changes and "exceptions" made in your ideology simply to stay alive and keep up with the changing times.
Good stuff, needless to say. Good stuff.
I really don't see how is this bad. I maybe am crazy but don't see they didn't do something like this erlier. I just... This is to good to be true.
Break them down and build them back up so they will serve you. I understand now.
Once I got over the horrible actions that occurred in the first chapter, I began to see Chrysalis' methods.
Oh, poor little proud, misguided Dashie.
Captured by an overwhelming enemy that has you completely in their power and somehow considers you important enough to torture, your reaction is open defiance? That's just a self-serving way of saying "plainly reveal to the enemy whether or not you're broken yet". The actually heroic thing to do in that situation would be to give in to their little mind games immediately and save defiance for when/if they tell you to do something that would actually harm your side. It won't, in all likelihood, make the whole trip any more pleasant for you, but at least you'd be forcing the enemy to choose between the risk of trying to use you while you might still be holding out, or spending more resources to keep breaking you after it's already done.
It's quite in character for RD, though. Very disturbing chapter, very thought-provoking. Kudos to the author.
nope, this just bumped up into the one of the worst things(in terms of subject material because it is well written) I've ever read.
also this just topped the hottest thing I've ever read. Thank you so much for writing this.