At The Great Gathering of Creators: Part 1
Foot of Mount Canter, Princess’s Pavilion, Day of The Great Gathering...
As darkness began to wane, Princess Celestia stood in front of her white pavilion tent. Since the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters had been abandoned, she had been holding a nomadic court. Every three months, the Day Court travelled to major Equestrian cities on a carefully planned timetable. For now though, the Day Court was set up in a circle of tents close to the Great Gathering.
Now, the Princess’s brow furrowed in concentration; it was time. Slowly, the alicorn began to lower the moon and raise the sun. The sun, the great blazing giver of light in which had been the model for the layout of The Great Gathering did not resist and slid smoothly upwards and shards of light began to skim over the horizon.
The white rock which was the moon reacted differently. Its path was halting, crooked, as if it wanted to stay in the sky. Beads of sweat slid down Celestia’s coat and the golden light around her horn shone brighter as the alicorn lowered the moon.
With dawn’s rays stretching across the sky, the palisade doors were opened by the Royal Guardsponies. The Great Gathering had finally gotten underway. Hundred of ponies of a myriad of colours and sizes now wandered into the venue and began to explore the great festival. Alert guardsponies, situated in towers, guard tents, and on patrol, kept watch on the proceedings while artists and their clients haggled over the prices of artwork.
Vaultaire entered a white temporary pavilion tent set up for Princess Celestia. The pegasus was dressed in her best: a stylish and chic golden dress with silver embroidery. Her curly scarlet mane and tail had been painstakingly styled.
No words could describe Vaultaire’s amazement when she was ordered to take her clothes off and ‘normalize’ her mane and tail.
“WHAT? Why would you want me to do that?” gasped Vaultaire. The alicorn was quick to explain.
“We want to mingle with the artists, Vaultaire and access them without allowing them to prepare. Then they cannot hide anything from us. We offer our sincere apologies that we did not inform you sooner, but-,” Celestia chuckled.
“We never saw you dress formally during your brief time on the Day Court, so we assumed that you would not garb yourself excessively for this occasion.”
The pegasus grumbled, wishing her alicorn friend had been more forthcoming of her plans before a great deal of bits and time had been spent and wasted. As Vaultaire quickly deprived herself of her garments, she realized something quite important.
“Wait, but how are you going to not attract attention?” inquired the pegasus with a frown.
Celestia didn’t say anything, but concentrated her magic. A great white light erupted from the alicorn, forcing Vaultaire to shade her eyes with a hoof. When the light had past, the pegasus’s mouth fell open.
The tall, regal alicorn was now at the pegasus’s height. Her white coat had dulled and no longer shone softly in the sun. Her stern magenta eyes had rounded and softened. Aside from the horn and wings, Princess Celestia, looked almost like a normal pony.
“This... is my normal form; the result of me shedding most of the power that is given to me by the sun. I very rarely do this in front of anypony,” stated Celestia. The alicorn’s voice, while still serene, had lost much of its regal power and authority. More and more, Vaultaire was becoming aware of the immense trust that her sovereign and friend had placed upon her. She knew immediately that not a word of this was to leave this tent.
The ruler of Equestria then used her remaining magic to hide her wings with an illusion spell. With another spell, she laid an illusion on her flank that visually changed her cutie mark to a large sunflower. After the alicorn had been sufficiently disguised, the duo exited the tent, completely unnoticed by the guards.
The Great Gathering, Visual Arts section...
Byzas had rented a small stall and set up his paintings. All of them were new pieces, made during his year in hiding. There was no chance he’d be recognized. They were simple, but quite elegant and made with all his skill as a painter. The brush strokes and paint combinations created shows of colour that did not go unnoticed as ponies passed by his stall.
Within the morning hours, Byzas had sold most of his works for a good deal of bits. If there anything Byzas was good at besides painting, it was haggling. His perfect recipe for haggling was brought forth by his natural speed-talking and the simple- but-vital fact, that he knew the value of his own pieces.
Now the baron-in-hiding was left with a great deal of free time on his hooves and whenever he had free time, he would always turn to his greatest hobby.
Byzas’s tent was facing Mt. Canter and thus had a brilliant view of the snow-capped peak. As the artist set up his easel, he couldn’t help admiring the mountain’s majesty.
It was then that the pony artist had a brainwave that would change his life. An imaginary candle had spontaneously lit itself on top of his head. Immediately, the stallion turned himself toward Mount Canter and began to paint with confident, clear strokes. He couldn’t wait. It was only once in a lifetime that an artist gets to experience this kind of inspiration and Byzas was determined to capture it.
As the artist painted, the image in his mind became stronger, started to gain momentum like a phoenix in a steep dive. The various spectrums of light reflected by the object in his image began to solidify, taking on various hues and colours of the rainbow.
The artist was so absorbed within his work that he didn’t notice that he had an audience in the form of two mares. One possessed a pink mane and a white coat and one had a yellow coat and a scarlet mane.
The Great Gathering, Miscellaneous Arts Section...
“No water??? La afham. Sorry... I mean I do not understand. I was promised that yesterday there would be a water tank provided for my demonstration!” shouted Sa’id. The pony supervisor bit his lip as he faced the incredulous desert pony.
“Uh... well..you see... we have a water shortage today and we have to use the tank for something other than your demonstration... ”
"Laa! I need the tank of water Al aan!” bellowed Sa’id as he leaned forward in a serious violation of the supervisor’s privacy. The desert pony had a desperate glint in his eye that only served to frighten the poor supervisor pony.
“I am afraid I don’t speak your language sir. We’ll deliver the tank when it becomes available. I’m sorry for your inconvenience,” stammered the pony apologetically. With that he galloped away, eager to get away from the crazy foreign pony.
Sa’id stared uncomprehendingly at the supervisor’s back as he galloped away. All the while, he could feel his stomach growing colder and heavier. His smile gone, the pony turned to the stale, motionless objects on his table. The inventor needed the water for his demonstration. Every single one of them was water powered or involved water one way or another and without water, they were useless. Without water... his gadgets could only hold passerby’s attention for a second. The desert pony had come all this way, travelled through sandstorms, dodged bandits, only to arrive and be unable to show off his genius. He was quite literally, a fish out of water.
The Great Gathering, Visual Arts section...
“That is a very nice painting,” said a voice. At the sudden compliment, Byzas almost swallowed the brush in his mouth. When the pony finally recovered from his hacking fit, he found himself facing two mares. He found the white unicorn with her pink mane rather familiar, but could not recall where he had seen her. His eyes switched to the pegasus and then widened with recognition and fear.
It was Baroness Vaultaire, once the personal aide to Princess Celestia and liaison officer between the Night and Day Courts. An interior designer and skilled architect, Byzas and her had been in a heated argument about what colour was a better representation of anger. Byzas won the debate, but Vaultaire’s response to losing it had left the earth pony with an irrational fear of the pegasus.
That irrational overwhelming fear was what made Byzas prostrate himself on the ground, surprising the two mares.
“Young artist, do rise. We would just like to see thine work,” said the unicorn gracefully. Taking a deep breath of air, Byzas reminded himself that he was Spire and that he was disguised. If he kept his head, there was no way Vaultaire would recognize him. Without a word, the earth pony stepped aside to allow the two mares to gaze at the painting.
The sight that greeted the two mares was that of a city and a palace, perched on the slopes of Mount Canter. The castle was regal, with gold and white spires; its magnificent towers that soared into the cloudy heavens. Teetering on the edge of the mountain, the structure defied gravity. Beneath the castle, sprawled a city filled with ponies. Although the painting was incomplete and patches of white canvas peaked out from behind this magnificent illustration, the disguised Celestia and Vaultaire were left speechless.
The Princess knew nothing about the pony who had brought this vision to canvas. However, her mind was made up: this pony would be chosen. She wanted this capitol; it was fresh, unique, a magnificent city that would be the symbol and trearue of all of Equestria. More importantly, it only resembled her old castle in the most nostalgic sense.
In contrast, the pegasus’s mind was torn. Vaultaire had done a lot of brainstorming, but her ideas would not even come close to the scale and grandeur that was being displayed in front of her. As a result, the pegasus was hit with a growth of green jealousy and smashed pride. And yet... Vaultaire also found the stallion’s idea irresistible. It would be crime for her to shove his idea away from the sun, but she was afraid that if his idea grew, it would strangle hers.
“What is thy name, young artist?” asked Celestia.
“It’sSpire.Sorry!..It is Spire, my lady,” stammered Byzas as he bowed. Something in the tone of the unicorn demanded his respect.
“Will you be staying for the rest of The Great Gathering?” asked Celestia. When Spire nodded rapidly, Celestia smiled.
“Then will it be alright if we ask for thy presence later?” inquired Celestia. Confused, the earth pony nodded slowly.
“Thank thee Spire, we will meet with thee later,” said Celestia. With that she gestured to Vaultaire and the two left. Byzas kept himself prostrated until the two mares had left. It was then that he remembered he had forgotten to ask something.
“Wait! What are your names? How will I know that you are requesting... oh horseapples... ” groaned Byzas. Turning back to his painting the pony narrowed his eyes and slapped himself with his hoof.
“I wanted red and gold for the tops of the spires? What was I thinking! Purple and gold would be better,” said Byzas as he picked up his brush with his mouth again.
The Great Gathering...
Chartres wandered aimlessly around The Great Gathering. With no stall now, she had to find somepony she could sell her piece to. There was one problem though. According to the rules of The Great Gathering, a pony must have a stall before he or she could sell and the price for disobeying that rule was a fine. The ivory unicorn had no stall, she wasn’t going to get one anytime soon and with her debt, a fine would ruin her.
Taking a deep breath, Chartres quelled her gut-wrenching nervousness, took out her glass pane and walked toward a nearby mare.
“Excuse me? Would you like to buy this glass pane?” asked Chartres, a smile on her face. The mare was surprised for a moment and then with an apologetic look on her face, trotted away.
Crestfallen, Chartres was about to put away her piece when she heard heavy clops behind her. Turning around, she was confronted with the stoic gazes of two Royal Guardsmen.
“Selling without a stall is illegal, miss. I am afraid you will have to come with us.”
Hoozaah, an update! And all the peasants rejoiced!
1082892 1058291 Thanks for reading! is there anything I should watch for?
1082892 If you havent' already, please re-read the first two chapters. I added things to them.
Hello! Bellum from Authors helping Authors is reviewing this story... Not sure how this exactly going to work but I'll try to be a good critic.
Name of Story: Canterlot: Her Creation and Her Architects
Grammar score out of 10
Of the chapters I read so far I would give it a nine.
Pros (list three pros)
Grammar is good.
Love the diversity and personalities of the OCs.
Plot is coming along nicely.
Cons (list three cons)
In all honesty, I have nothing bad to say of the story so far.
Note section: Since I only read five chapters so far I'm reluctant to say much of anything. All I got to say is I hope the rest of the read will be interesting.
Hope this review is helpful. Please help me by looking at my story: A Choice
Greetings This is Enclave2277 from Authors Helping Authors, and I shall be reviewing this story.
Name of the Story: Canterlot: Her Creation and Her Architects.
Grammar Score out of 10: 8.5 Out of the chapters I have read thus far, the mechanics seem to be pretty solid.
Pros (List of 3): 1). You have explored a time period that is rarely written about. This makes your story unique, as it also tries to explain how Canterlot was built. I have a soft spot for Equestrian Past stories, because it's an under-explored sub genre of the series. It's basically a blank canvas. 2). I enjoyed some of your interesting OC's and their personality quirks. Such as Byzas having to disguise himself in order to evade arrest/capture, or Chartres trying to make a name for herself, despite being indebted. 3). Your narrative style is consistent. What I mean by that is you keep it in Third Person, and only switch to first person when introducing dialog. Many authors make the mistake of setting their narrative in the dreaded SECOND PERSON (sorry I despise 2nd PPOV, it comes off as very assuming). First PPOV can work, but takes skill to use.
Cons (List of 3): 1). While your characters are interesting, they are introduced rather suddenly. In other words you give them complex personalities without really fleshing them out, giving them a good back-story as it were. This makes your story have bit of a disconnect between the world and characters. 2). I was a bit confused with Celestia's dialog. She seems to switch between the "Thees and Thous" of the Canterlot royal speech and normal speech. None of the other characters seem to use the Ye Olde English mode of speech, so it just seems strange to me. I understand that she is the princess, but I was under the impression that ALL the ponies spoke like that during this time period. 3). For me personally, I wasn't really drawn into the story until about chapter 5. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I thought the beginning was a bit dry. I'm sorry if that upsets you, but that's just how it was for me. It just took several chapters for me to really appreciate this story.
Notes: I shall continue to read your story, since it has such an interesting concept. I wish you luck in the rest of your writings. -Enc.
So sorry it took me so long to get back on this dude! I just had so much happening here and there, and frankly... I'm kind of a lazy person.
Now, I must say that I really like the chapter. Like before, the great gathering simply doesn't feel that... grand. Sure, it's been mentioned, but it simply feels like it's just an well-anticipated day at the market rather than such a grand occasion. That said, the CHARACTERS are what I love in the story. Sure I love Byzas and Sa'id, but somehow it's Chartres that I'm really coming to feel for. She just seems so down on her luck, needing some care.
My only other problem is that I wish that Chartres had shown some more reaction to the royal guards, or rather add a little more impact/details to the royal guard scene.
Now, expect a comment from me every chapter or so.
Small typos
Quick check of whole story in txt - you spelled capitol instead of capital 13 times starting from this (first) time.
Capitol and Capital is a common mistake... It is spelled Capitol only when referring to the US Capitol Building.