Intermission: Character Creation Series
Important Author's Announcement:
After every 'arc' of sorts, I shall be having brief intermissions where I will explain my thought process behind the creation of my characters. No spoilers will be in these chapters, so sorry for those who want them and don't worry for those who don't want them. This is akin to what the author of Rurouni Kenshin and Naruto did for the first few volumes of their manga.
Intermission: Character Creation Series
Subject: Princess Celestia
WHAT HYPOCRISY IS THIS? YOU DIDN'T CREATE PRINCESS CELESTIA, LAUREN FAUST DID! May be what you readers may be thinking. In that case let me change the subject.
Subject: Princess Celestia, 1000 years before the events of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Nobody knows, except possibly the actual writers and producers, how Princess Celestia would have acted around this time. In my initial plans for the story, Celestia was not a major character. In fact, I wanted to avoid writing her as much as possible for several reasons. I wanted to avoid any flames about my portrayal. Also, I was seriously thinking about EQD submission so I needed to reduce the possibility of me being rejected based on an Out of Character portrayal. Most of all, I wanted to avoid writing too much Royal Canterlot voice.
However, that changed when I decided rather abruptly to make Vaultaire a friend of Princess Celestia. I also realized that Celestia would take a personal interest in the choosing of the architects. Additionally, I found it fun to explore how Celestia would think in this era. Unfortunately, since I wanted Celestia to be in her own character, it made me have to think about making sure her portrayal was reminiscent of canon seasons, yet suited to the situation in my world.
In order to turn the clock on Princess Celestia and make her fit in the universe of Canterlot: Her Creation and Her Architects, my fan interpretation of Princess Celestia borrowed quite a bit from Luna in Season 2 Ep 4 ‘Luna Eclipsed’. Mostly the Royal Canterlot voice part. She’s more insecure and less stable as I hope you readers have noticed, but has the same mischievous mind and manipulative habits. Good Celestia fanfiction such as ‘My Little Alicorn’ and ‘Bringing Up Blueblood’ by InsertAuthorHere, may have provided some sub-conscious inspiration, but I probably did take most of my Celestia character from Celestia-featured episodes (A Bird in a Hoof). All in all, I hope I achieved a recognizable Princess Celestia.
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I think you did good with Celestia. She seems very in character yet still fun to read about.
As I said before, I think you've done a great job with Celestia. In fact, you've done a great job with all of the characters so far.
Are you still planning to resubmit to EQD?
1106985
eeyup but it won't be easy... I just hope I. got all the issues they wanted me to get. they criticised me on some advanced grammar, active vs passive voice and world building ( they said I needed it to be more character orientated) you have any tips XD?
1107217
For the grammar and voice issues, the best advice I can give on that front is to find a good editor or proofreader. I know it's lazy advice, but in all honesty, they help a lot.
As for the last issue, I'm not 100% sure what they mean to be honest, but I think the problem is that, while you've introduced the characters, there's still a lot you could go into about the setting itself. You could go into more detail on the various places the story is set in, the background for the architects, etc., and then show how that reflects on their actions in the story itself. Through the characters, you build the world.
From what I can tell, though, the story really doesn't start until the next chapter. The opening bits are all about setting up the Gathering, and the last four chapters have been about Celestia picking out her architects. But now that she knows which ponies she wants to build the city, we can start focusing on them a lot more. We can explore who these ponies are, where they came from, what their history is, and how they relate to each other in greater detail. I would honestly say wait a couple more chapters, allow the story to build up some more steam, and then resubmit.
Also, if you ever have a question with their feedback, just email and ask the prereaders what they meant. It doesn't count as a strike, and it might make things a bit clearer. The one who gave you the world building comment probably knows what s/he's talking about more than I do.
Hope I helped a little, even though I know I failed yet again.
1107404 Thanks for the advice! and what fail
What you say is exactly what I'm trying to go for and having you confirm it is even better for my confidence 
. I have several proofs actually, but not all of them are consistent.
About your note about waiting a couple of more chapters... What if EQD says :NO!!! Your PLOT IS HOLED... or something like that requiring me to do a dramatic rewrite?
sincerely,
vren55
1125198
Then that's what you would have to do. Once you tighten up the editing, and perhaps include a little bit more detail on the setting, I think you could get onto EqD with just these chapters, though. It's up to you, but given the strikes system, I would recommend waiting until we can delve into the characters more.
1128748 KK Thanks for the advice :D