Under the ruthless iron fist of an alien occupation, the princesses seek out mysterious powers all but unheard of. Their search draws them to the secrets that lay buried under the Crystal Empire itself.
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Wow. Just... wow
The only way I have to describe this chapter is amazing. I like how you've flashed out the background of the Royal Guards, how despite being in a hopeless situation they have kept following their oath and fought for their country and its inhabitant; I like how you've showed how Rainbow Dash has won the respect from the Space Marines; and I love the confrontation between Nightmare Moon and Celestia. I won't deny, I initially thought that this last part would follow one of the usual patterns that we usually see, but I'm glad I was wrong. Your depiction of the relationship between Luna/Nightmare Moon is something I've never seen before, but I personally love it. Nightmare Moon is not simply some kind of parasite, a monster whose action are pulled by her simple desire of power, but something more complex, the second half of Luna's soul. Showing her having basically an emotional breakdown, explaining what really had happened, how Celestia has hurt both her and Luna with her actions, makes her character far more sympathetic than the simple "Luna is envious and becomes evil" situation. In this regard, I like how you made her explain Celestia's fault, depicting the elder sister for what she is, a being that even if powerful has her own flaws (it reminds me the song Lullaby for a princess, although with some differences).
Overall, great job. I personally rate this chapter 5 stars.
7204702 primemag.me/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/manly-tears-1.png
Bro...someone must be cutting onions and shit nearby or something...I'm not crying
But seriously, thanks so much for saying this, and you give me too much credit for a pretty straight forward idea Although I will agree in the sense that I'm surprised no one else has seemed to apply it in another story so far Either way, thanks a bunch, hope the chapters to come will be able to effectively convey further developments in Celestia's and Nightmare's relationship.
Oh yeah, and also I hate it that so many stories display royal guard as useless pushovers I get that they haven't been all that useful in the show, but noone's even bothered to play around with their concept beyond:
Human: You guard are pathetic and primitive! Plus Shining Armour's a fagget! We're best with our fists and shooty guns! Lolololololol360noscopemlg4lyfe!!!!1!!!11!!
Royal guard: Nuh-uh! We're the best with our pointy spears! Have at you, vile alien!
Human: -Punches all royal guard in all equestria at once-
Royal guard: Oh the shame, for we have been bested by supreme beings of un-matchable martial skill!
Human: gg
Anyway, rant over Thanks again for reading, glad you enjoyed the chapter
7204801 Here, have this emergency tear duct dryer device (also known as tissue)
Yeah, it's rather strange in my opinion. Considering that many stories have an incredible world-building behind, I found rather odd that the fall of princess Luna is often depicted following the canon family-friendly version depicted of the show (let's not talk about the fact that too often Luna is depicted like a whiny little brat, while Celestia as some kind of evil xenophobic overlord).
The guards... oh, the guards . Their incompetence is a plot device for a kids show, for Pete's sake! If they weren't shown incompetent (against threat that I seriously doubt they were expecting to face - I mean, a chaos god. Seriously, how are you expected to face him if you are just a common everyday grunt?), there would be no reason for the main 6 to take part to the action, but most of people either don't care or don't consider it.
Urgh! The human supremacist trope is something that I absolute loathe I'm not saying that I'm a fan of the conversion bureau (that concept is just a pile of c**p in my opinion), but I honestly think that a bit of humility would makes wonders to our species
(fighting words in a comment on a WH40K crossover, but that's my point of view - earn a place in the galaxy? sure. think that we can really single handedly conquer and rule the entire universe? eh, not so much.)
my sides hurts the funniest part is that most of the stories with humans and many crossovers are basically based on this concept
EDIT: right, I was forgetting the part with the protagonist getting laid with every female character.
Been a pretty good read so far.
7240429 Cannot thank you enough for taking the time to deliver this feedback, a big thanks to you I'll work on updating the chapter with your recommendations as soon as I have time to. Thanks again!
6725705 In the canon WH40K the Imperium has good reasons for been like that.
1 EVERY alien species they met tried to kill/subjugate/eat/mindrape or a combination of all
2 When the Humans were at their weakest (age of strife) after a (chaos assisted) AI rebelion that killed TRILLIONS , Do you know what did the alien do? did they try to help us? did they at least leave us alone? NO, they stole our stuff and raided our worlds and probably gave asshole one-liners while doing it.
3 The Emperor got feed up with aliens (for all the above reasons) and basically decided they were all pieces of shit, BUT he has no problem with letting them live while they remember their place (serving us humans)
4 99.999999% of the shit going on in WH40K is the fault of aliens (ironically this is one of the few 'verses in wich we humans didn't unleash the Eldritch abominations)
and this is technically all true (at least in the WH40K 'verse)
7515128 The worst is yet to come
7294048
Finally! Someone who bothers to read the freaking backstory of the series! It isn't hard or long or boring, after all!
By the way, there are canonically "tens of thousands" of species humanity has encountered. Of those "a few dozen" are protectorates or allies of the Imperium. At the very least, the Imperium is fiercely protective of them. Dunno whether that is due to some sub-conscious, human desire for some tiny spark of hope that not everyone is batshit insanely evil or because the Imperium views the protectorates' protection as vital to the Emperor's personal honor. Probably both.
Anyway, before the Age of Strife, the human Federation was buddy-buddy with the aliens. What the aliens did to us in the Age of Strife is worse that you mentioned. You know Feral Worlds? Feudal Worlds? Those are planets where we fought against the daemon invasions so fiercely that we kept fighting even when literally reduced to sharp rocks. We won. Why is this worse? Because during the Age of Strife, we humans fought fiercely to the death and consumption of our souls to defend our alien friends. Guess how they said "thank you"?
I'll tell you. When the Imperium encountered aliens, it thought (except the Emperor because psyker, duh) we'd expected to find our friends helping our people. There was a few instances of that (even one Eldar exodite world, surprisingly, rescued humans and protected them). However, aside from two or three exceptions, all but a few dozen (the protectorates) of those tens of thousands of species we thought were our friends had performed, for those whole two thousand years, such horrible atrocities that when the Imperium arrived those planets were classified as "Nightmare Worlds" and "Hell Worlds".
The lore even gives an example of the "average" alien-conquered human world the Imperium frequently encountered. One species was breeding humans like cattle and ripping out their souls to put into giant crystals which then tortured the souls and used the psychic energy released by their souls' screams to provide power for their civilization. They genuinely thought there was nothing morally questionable about this. This sort of thing was normal. Until the Imperium came and got its revenge.
Even the Tau, easily the nicest species in the entirety of 40K use mind-controlling pheromones and put humans through technological "reconditioning" (mind-rape) en-mass.
You know what shows the Imperium really is the good guy? Besides the fact the worst it'll do to aliens is kill them quickly and only either in revenge for horrible atrocities or out of sheer necessity for survival (they merely keep an eye on all other aliens). It's that the Imperium actually actively defends aliens against the major factions of wh40K (Necrons, Orks, Tyranids, and Chaos, specifically) because they believe that no one, not even aliens, deserves to be harvested by the Necrons, butchered by the Orks, consumed by the Tyranids, or taken by Chaos.
The Imperium also proves itself smarter than everyone else. For example, every time the Eldar try to manipulate the Imperium, by the end of the plan the Imperium has not only come out on top, but screwed over the Eldar all while seemingly going along with what the Eldar wanted until the Eldar realize too late that they've been had. It is why I like reading the lore covering Imperium-Eldar relations. Seeing the Space Elves routinely being out-elfed by the "stupid humans" never fails to put a smile on my face.
7204961
Humans are superior because we earn it through sweat, blood, and tears. Our suffering is our strength! Also, a pony wearing gold for armor and wielding a spear is going to get curbstomped by a space-faring species with orbital artillery and machine guns.
Why can't we conquer the universe? It'd only take time and cunning, both of which humanity has. We also, in the Dark Age of Technology, had, with only science, made our technological capabilities (though less varied) far more potent than the Eldar. Let me put it to you this way, less than ten thousand years after the second millennium, humanity had a war with the Eldar Empire. We kicked the shit out of them without taking any casualties thanks to our Men of Iron and super-overpowered warships. The final blow was when we moved the entire Sol System through the warp to the border of human-Eldar space as a threat to the Eldar. The Eldar immediately surrendered. The lore does not say whether it was due to the realization of how insane a species must be to use their homeworld as a threat or because the Sol System was so well fortified that it would act as a magnificent beach-head.
Let me put this another way. The Eldar Empire, using super tech and sorcery merged together so cleanly neither could be differentiated from the other, surpassed both the Halo-verse's Forerunners and Precursors by at least two Tiers over the course of sixty million years. Humanity surpassed them with purely technology in less than ten thousand years.
Twenty thousand years after that war, humanity was so advanced that its ships were able to erase targets from time, past, present, and future, and shoot blackholes through time. We could transport anywhere almost instantly by utilizing the background radiation of the universe. We no longer really did anything with the warp and possessed instantaneous communications. Then we started having psykers crop up. Most of whom possessed vastly greater power than even Eldar specialists and we experimented with hybridizing technology and sorcery and warpcraft (in wh40k, sorcery does not require being a psyker). Then the Age of Strife hit.
Men of Iron manufactories had been corrupted by Chaos under our collective noses. Needless to say, that was very bad. That is, by the way, why they turned on us. Thus came the Iron War. We had no weapons, we won anyway because badassery is unstoppable. Ok, it was actually because our fancy new psykers could level armies each. Which they did. Unfortunately, they didn't know about Chaos so, after winning, the psykers exploded into giant warp rifts which let armies of daemons attack our worlds. We beat them anyway because badassery (and powered armor). Then aliens attacked. We were so torn up already and caught completely by surprise by what the lore sometimes refers to as the Great Betrayal that many human worlds (though, not most) could not defeat the aliens. Not even counting the planets attacked by other humans.
Then something Chaos had never seen before occurred. Humanity clawed its way back not only to become a civilization, but to rule. Chaos even admitted to someone once (forgot who) that the main reason for their obsession with humanity is that no species had ever recovered, let alone come back to the top, after Chaos toppled it.
TL;DR Yes, yes we could very much conquer the universe. HFY!