“Next, please!”
Rarity shouted for the next applicant, clipboard in hoof and watching expectantly as the room’s double doors parted and another clone stepped through. She sat next to Pinkie Pie along a narrow table, together with Applejack, Apple Sparkle, and Rainbow Dash. Although no one had called themselves a panel of judges, that’s exactly what they were that day.
“Name?” she asked the clone once the doors snapped shut behind them.
“Triple Threat Sparkle,” the Twilight clone replied.
“Oh! That sounds great!” Rarity exclaimed. “As you know, we’re looking for the very best of fighters for the battle coming up and by the sounds of it you seem like someone we’d most certainly want.”
Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes at the clone. “Three threats, you say? Well so far, I don’t even see one threat.”
Triple Threat Sparkle chuckled. “That’s because you haven’t given me a chance to demonstrate. Ready? Okay!”
The clone began tapping her hooves against the marble floor, creating a quick rhythm with an up-tempo beat. She added all four hooves into the mix, and began twirling around the room.
To stop her, Rainbow Dash whistled loudly. “Sorry, but… where’s the threat again? The three of them? Since when is dancing supposed to save the day?”
“Haven’t you ever seen Hoofloose?” the clone asked earnestly. “Anyways, that’s only one of my threats. I can also sing and act, and I hear I’m not too bad at improv either. Quick. Someone shout out a location and emotional response!”
Angrily, Applejack set down her clipboard and rolled her eyes. “How ‘bout outside that door and disappointed? Think you can manage that?”
With the drop of her shoulders, Triple Threat left the room while another clone took her place. Once again identical to Twilight, this clone distinguished herself by carrying a clear glass of red liquid inside with her.
Rarity raised her clipboard again. “Name?”
“One Punch Sparkle.”
“Oh! Now that sounds—”
“Come on, Rarity,” Rainbow Dash cut in. “You can’t keep on getting excited by every candidate.”
Rarity laughed awkwardly. “True. Perhaps I’ve been spending a little too much time with Pinkie Pie recently. She does make most everyday things sound rather exciting.”
“I do!” Pinkie Pie cheered, extending her head close to Rarity’s. “Maybe that’s because when we’re together, things are always exciting!”
Rarity gave her a quick peck on the cheek. “Yes. Of course, dear.”
“So, One Punch Sparkle,” Applejack spoke, “what does that name mean, exactly? That you can punch an enemy a single time and they’ll actually go down? Because if that’s the case, then we can stop all these silly auditions right this second.”
“Oh, no,” One Punch Sparkle said, holding a hoof to her mouth. “Why does everyone always think I do that when I tell them my name? No. I’m sorry. My name actually means I only drink one glass of punch a day—like this glass of punch I’m holding now. If I drink anymore, I just know I’ll need to use the washroom, so I make sure to only drink the one.”
Applejack roughly slammed her head onto the table. With her face nicely flattened, she mumbled out, “If that’s all you do, then why’d you bother to audition in the first place?”
“Because I saw the line outside and wanted to feel included.”
As Apple Sparkle ran a delicate hoof through her marefriend’s mane, Applejack informed the clone, “I have a feeling you’re going to make a lot of ponies very, very unhappy in your lifetime.”
One Punch Sparkle frowned. “Why does everyone keep saying that?”
Applejack removed her head from the table. “Someone get her out of here. And give us a minute before sending in the next one. I think I lost too many brain cells in the last minute to think all that clearly.”
Once the doors closed, she asked the rest of them, “Well, it’s been a couple days now, so I have a terrible feeling that those clones that left the castle earlier won’t be coming back. Which ones couldn’t we find again?”
“
Coffee Sparkle and Tea Sparkle,” Rarity answered. “From what I heard, they left together and haven’t been seen since.”
“Why in Tartarus would they leave the castle in the first place?” Applejack spat. “They must’ve known we were on lockdown.”
“To get more coffee and tea, obviously.”
Applejack sighed. “Just when I think these clones can’t get any worse. Who else do you think Nega Sparkle might have gotten to? I know no ones seen Invisible Sparkle for a while….”
Rarity yawned. “Just Expendable Sparkle. But, truthfully, I can’t say I’m surprised.”
Pinkie Pie jumped up from her seat, accompanied by a flourish of brightly colored streamers. “Expendable Sparkle? Who’s even writing this stuff, am I right?”
The others only stared at her.
Pinkie Pie indicated the paper attached to her clipboard. “I meant: whose terrible penmanship is this? I can’t even read it!”
Rarity gave her a small pat on the head. “It’s yours, sweetums, but let’s continue on before we get sidetracked. Bring in the next clone, please!”
The doors parted and a clone carrying an art easel and a mound of paintbrushes entered, setting them up at the center of the room. Her mane was frizzed so bad it almost resembled a giant purple dandelion.
“And you would be?” Rainbow Dash started.
“Paintbrush Sparkle,” the clone answered happily. “And I’m here to let you in on what might be the greatest coin making system of all time. First: look at this.” She removed the black tarp that covered her canvas. Underneath it was a painting of Twilight sitting in the middle of a forest. “What you have here is a happy little clone surrounded by happy little trees.”
Pinkie Pie giggled. “Don’t forget the happy little sun!”
Paintbrush Sparkle gave her a nod. “Oh, don’t you fret. It’s right here at the top, happy and cheerful as always. Now, as an expert, a painting of this magnitude might run anywhere from twenty to fifty bits, depending where you bought it. But what if I told you, I could copy this exact picture for less than two bits and replicate it as many times as I want.”
“I still wouldn’t be interested,” Applejack told her thickly. “Plus, why would I want a hundred paintings of the exact same thing?”
Paintbrush Sparkle grinned. “You do realize half the population of Ponyville is made up of Twilight clones at the moment, right? Clones that look exactly like one another? Clones that just might want a nice painting of themselves? Think about it! One painting that covers almost everyone! The idea practically prints out bits! Happy little bits!”
Rarity leaned across the table. “What kind of investment would you be looking for? And what kind of overhead can you offer? And would we be able to swap out the background if someone—”
Applejack held a hoof up. “Enough of this! This isn’t an audition for possible business ventures! It’s an audition for battle! Can you fight, Paintbrush?”
She paled a bit at the question. “I… could paint the battle, if you want. As long as it’s a happy little battle.”
With an annoyed grunt, Applejack left her seat and made her way to the doors. “If anyone wants me, I’ll be feeding those damn clones in the basement. Let me know if you actually find anyone useful.”
***
Before Luna’s eyes was a never-ending sea of purple; legs twisting and touching and gripping and petting. So soft, she thought. So dastardly soft. Luna knew she had important business to take care of—business involving the end of Equestria, if her instincts proved true. But each time she tried to grasp at that single thought of helping others, another of the Twilight clones would find a better position against her to help distribute their warm and soft cuddles.
“Ow!” said Cuddle Sparkle.
“Ow!” exclaimed Snuggle Sparkle.
“Stop that! You’re playing too rough!”
“I don’t like you! You’re being mean!”
For the first time in days, clear thoughts found their way into Luna’s mind like a splash of cold water. She opened her eyes and found both snuggle partners with only a single leg around her; their other legs in the tight grasp of an armored alicorn clad head-to-hoof in glimmering bits of purple and silver armor.
The cuddle clones left Luna alone on the floor and attempted to wrap their cozy bodies around their attacker. Both slipped off their armor to land on the floor with a thud.
Snuggle Sparkle scowled at the alicorn. “That’s not fair! Take off your armor and let us smother you!”
The alicorn inside the suit laughed. “That is the point of the armor, evil clone. No snuggles for you today!”
Snuggle and Cuddle Sparkle gasped in unison. “No snuggles or cuddles?”
The alicorn shook their head gravely. “No! Now the castle dungeons will host you two. Snuggle whichever prisoners you wish, only know that most have gone weeks without a bath.”
Cuddle Sparkle bottom lip quivered.
As a pair of castle guards in armor led the clones away, the alicorn gave Luna a hoof and helped her stand. Then she removed her helmet and let her flowing mane billow out into the air.
“Oh…” Luna started, before attempting to find the right word. “Crap.”
The Twilight clone in armor stared at the floor. “I know this may be hard to understand, Princess Luna, but I was once a creature known as Nightmare Sparkle. Now I have come to call myself Luna Sparkle, here to do good and vanquish all evil in Equestria. That is why I have came here today—to find you and your sister and bring you to the fight that will be unfolding soon. The clones and I knew something was wrong by your absences so far, but we had no idea how truly bad it was.”
She motioned towards the area on the floor where Luna had been snuggled into submission.
Luna gave her a curt nod, a slight blush on her cheeks. “Thank you, then. My sister and I have been experiencing trouble over the last few days—clones not designed to hurt or kill us, but rather stall or interfere. Sadly, they had been doing a rather good job of it.”
She whipped her head to the side with a frown. “You! Guards!”
The two guards stationed in the hall visibly flinched.
“You are both fired! Effective immediately! You did not help your Princess when she was being smothered into fuzzy oblivion not twelve feet from you!”
One of the guards shrugged. “But I thought it was cute.”
Luna glared at them. “So will the tales ponies tell of Luna Sparkle and me hoof stomping you unless you get out of my sight in the next ten seconds!”
Both guards scrambled away, letting their spears slap to the ground.
Luna turned back to the clone. “So you are like me, in a way?”
“Yes. At least as far as our pasts are concerned. And our manes. And our love of battle.”
A single nod later, Luna told her, “Most excellent. Now let us find my sister and do away with these rotten clones once and for all.”
Luna Sparkle shut her eyes. “I… am afraid it is not so simple anymore.”
“Whatever do you mean?”
“Before I could rescue either of you, another Twilight clone under the orders of Dark Sparkle had already gotten to Celestia, working her over for days before I could thwart her.”
Luna’s pupils shrunk. “Who!? And what have they done to my sister!?”
Luna Sparkle took a breath. “Cake Sparkle. They have been feeding her cakes high in fat and sugar over the last several days—hypnotizing Celestia to make her think she likes cake more than her own citizens.”
The ears atop Luna’s head flattened. “But Celestia was on a diet….”
“Not anymore.” Luna Sparkle shook her head. “Celestia is not fit for war at this time. Or her armor. Or stairs. Or sitting up. Or for chairs not reinforced with steel. Or for—”
Luna held up a hoof. “I get it. Then it seems just you and I will be joining the battle on behalf of Canterlot. And with any luck, we will find a Dietician Sparkle before the war is through.”
***
The moment Applejack opened the basement doors, two sets of chains rattled against the floor before suddenly coming to a halt. From the top of the stairs, she could make out glimpses of the two figures kept locked up in the dark. One’s fur was covered in bits of dirt while the other’s dark blue skirt-thing had been damaged near the ends.
Just thinking about them sent a shiver up Applejack’s spine.
Why does one of them wear clothes while the other doesn’t? I just don’t get it.
Hanging by the side of the stairs was an empty bucket. She unhooked it from the pulley and rope system they’d set in place and put a new bucket in its stead, filled with fish heads covered in salt. She lowered it down until it reached the basement floor. Both figures below her pulled on their chains until they caught, then looked up at her.
“Why are you doing this? We’re not that different from all of you!” screamed the Twilight clone in a purple skirt and blue blouse. Somehow she stood on her two back legs with ease, clad in boots that almost reached her knees. Her mane was done up much like Twilight’s, but underneath her hair was a face not equine at all—more flat and apelike.
Applejack rolled her eyes. “I told you before and I’ll tell you again: I don’t wanna hear nothing about no magical high school full of dances and talent shows and creatures that look just like you. No one believes it! And no one likes the sound of it, either!”
The clone shook her head defiantly. “That’s not true! I know at least some ponies like me! Honestly, they do!”
“Well, I don’t care. I got bigger things to worry about right now. Once the real Twilight is found, I’ll let her figure out what to do with you. Now go on and eat your fish heads.” Applejack grumbled to the other clone, “Unless you have something to add?”
The second bipedal clone gave her a pleading stare. Like her cellmate, she stood on her back legs with no problems whatsoever. Unlike her friend, her entire body was covered in fur and her head had the normal shape of a pony’s. While her back legs ended with hooves, her forelegs—or what she called arms—ended with five smaller joints. Hands, as Applejack had been reminded repeatedly. Above her butt was a standard tri-colored tail.
Applejack had to avert her gaze to stop staring at the two balloon-shaped mounds protruding around the top of her chest.
The naked Sparkle clone spoke sheepishly, “Well, I might not have as many fans as High School Sparkle, but I know quite a few ponies like me too.”
“A bunch of weirdoes,” Applejack spoke to herself, before pointing at the bucket of fish heads on the ground. “Now eat up and stop singing that ‘Winning the Crown’ song you keep on going on about. No one cares!”
Applejack trudged up the stairs and slammed the door behind her, casting both of them back into darkness.
Anthro Sparkle turned to High School Sparkle. “If it makes you feel any better, I thought your third movie was a lot better than your second.”
The other clone rubbed at her temples with her fingers. “Please stop talking.”
***
Another drop of sweat rolled down Trevor Sparkle’s temple. He didn’t take his eyes off the odd figure in front of him—the one seated quietly on the loveseat against the wall. Trevor sat in the middle of Fluttershy’s couch, too afraid to move or do much of anything. In the nearby distance, he could hear Fluttershy humming to herself as she did her chores around the outside of the cottage.
Trevor Sparkle had elected to take a nap instead. What he woke up to wasn’t all too pleasant.
“Nega Sparkle.” He didn’t state it like a question.
The all white Twilight nodded. “Yes. And you are Trevor Sparkle. What makes you special, I wonder?” She smiled thinly.
“Nothing. I’m just a male version of Twilight. That’s… it, as sad as that sounds.”
Her smile dropped a bit. “That’s rather unfortunate, isn’t it? Earlier today, I found Coffee Sparkle and Tea Sparkle. Now I know all the secrets of making excellent tea and coffee. Would you care for a cup of something before we begin?”
Trevor shook his head. “I’m good.”
He angled his head slightly when he heard Fluttershy’s humming getting closer. He exhaled in relief when he didn’t hear any doors open. As much as the brief distraction Fluttershy might have on Nega to give him time to try something, he honestly didn’t want to put her in any form of danger. If she came back inside and found the two of them gone for good, he thought he could live with that.
Trevor hadn’t had all that much life to lay claim to anyways, being created a little over a week ago.
“Are you the reason I haven’t seen many clones around town lately?” he asked casually.
Nega Sparkle nodded. “Probably. I tried to stop as much communication as I could, but some still slipped by. Although you’re still here, I see. Unprotected. Unguarded. Unaware.”
He raised a brow. “Royally screwed?”
Nega smiled at that. “Oh, yes. Very much so.” She rose to stand. “Shall we start?”
Trevor stood and lit up his horn the moment she did. A single step to the right and it felt as if the gravity in the room had increased a hundredfold. Or maybe only he felt it like that.
“Can’t have you running away, can I?” Nega chided.
The bay windows directly behind Nega Sparkle exploded inward, showering her and the floor with glass. She turned to confront whoever had done it, only to get a face full of purple legs instead. Swinging off a rope, Sexy Sparkle had leaped into the room and directly onto Nega Sparkle’s neck, her large thighs clamped around her head.
Nega stumbled for a moment until Sexy brought her legs together with a twist, crushing her skull and breaking her neck. The insides of Sexy’s thighs became coated with white fluid.
Nega’s headless body fell to the floor, the trail of white exiting her neck already sluggishly pooling back together.
Trevor was so stunned by the sudden scene, he barely realized Sexy shaking his shoulders.
“You and that mare of yours need to get out of here,” she told him sharply. “Don’t think. Don’t speak. Just move.”
Slowly, his brain began to chug again. “What about you? What about her?” He pointed to the white puddle on the floor.
Sexy smirked. “I’ll deal with her while you two get out. What good are having thighs of steel unless you can use them once in a while, right?”
Trevor was forcefully pushed towards the front door. “But… but how did you even know she was here?”
“Security cameras, sweetie. Had ‘em set up for a while. Backyard, living room, bedroom, shower.”
He furrowed his brows. “What were those last two you said?”
Sexy sighed. “You want to live another day? Or do you want to ask more questions and die like the sexy idiot that you are?”
By that point, she’d managed to push him a foot outside the door and onto the welcome matt. She grabbed the doorknob and pulled, until Trevor stopped her with a hoof.
“She’ll kill you, Sexy!” he told her anxiously. “We can all get away! Right now, we can!”
Sexy shook her head, her eyes shimmering a bit. “I don’t think so. If someone’s not distracting her, then she could get all three of us by the time in takes to get to the castle. And I… really want you to stay safe, Trevor.” She looked up at him, biting her lower lip. “I know you don’t really like me very much, but it should come as no surprise that I’ve always liked you. And I feel like there’s a little piece of you, deep, deep inside me—maybe because there actually was a piece of you deep, deep inside of me once upon a time.”
She sighed tiredly. “Maybe it’s because you were the first male Sparkle clone, I don’t know… but all I know is that that ship between us has sunk and I for one would rather see you happy with someone else than with no one at all. I’ve had enough sex to fill up a whole lifetime, so maybe… maybe it’s okay if this is where my sexy tale ends.”
Trevor disagreed. “This isn’t like you, Sexy. Not at all.”
She smiled. “Just tell me that sacrificing yourself is sexy, okay?”
He smiled in return, pained. “It’s very sexy. But—”
“Good,” she finished. With her horn, she teleported the stunned and confused Fluttershy out from the garden to stand by Trevor’s side. Before she had a chance to speak, Sexy leaned in and gave her a kiss, then hooked a leg around Trevor and did the same, although with a tad more vigor and much more tongue.
“I’m gonna miss that,” Sexy reflected, before slamming the door shut and locking it with her horn.
Trevor Sparkle watched what happened next through the small window by the door. In the background, Nega Sparkle rose with her new head fully formed and glared at Sexy. Too quiet to hear, she asked her something and Sexy replied, popping her plot out to the side. That was when Nega shoved a bookcase against the door and the window, blocking his view.
Fluttershy lightly tapped his shoulder. “Umm… if it’s not too much trouble, could you tell me why it looks like a fight between good and evil is breaking out in the middle of my living room?”
Before he cast an aura around her and teleported them away, he informed her, “Because that’s exactly what’s happening.”
I loved the EQG sparkle and Anthro sparkle chained up in the basement for being mutant freaks.
Well played, you amazing bastard. Well played.
6628296
I thought you were weird the first time I looked at your story list.
Anybody that thinks Friendship Games is better than Rainbow Rocks is sick in the head
You would think Luna Sparkle and Celestia Sparkle would be enough to defeat the evil.
Hopefully they can find Dietitian Sparkle and Buff/Personal Trainer Sparkle to help Celestia.
WHAT DOES NEGA EVEN MEEEEEEEAN
For a second there, I thought Anthro Sparkle was gonna be SciTwi going "I'm NOT a clone!"
You piece of shit lol. Good man.
Hnnng. I think my heart has stopped. Sad Cuddle Sparkle is too sad.
Definitely needs a side-story.
derpicdn.net/img/2015/10/3/993821/large.jpeg
And the pendulum swings back to Comedy (for the most part).
R.I.P Sexy Sparkle. She died as she lived; with her thighs around another pony.
6637494
I wish this had happened, that would have been a fantastic bit of meta humor.
Oh, and I look forward to sweet, sweet battle with Luna and Luna Sparkle (and the afterwards, of course).
You... You... You can't treat Twilight's like that just because they're humanoid! That's Horrible!
Goddammit Bob Ross.
Well, I guess that means Sexy Sparkle isn't the real Twilight Sparkle, so there goes my theory.
Now, I'm surprised there hasn't been a Maud Sparkle to show up yet. Any pony that can throw a rock far enough away to create a massive earthquake that generates a ten-metre tsunami is pretty broken. Plus, Nega Sparkle threatened Pinkie!
Sexy sacrificed herself...
6639897 Spoilers, dude!
6639335 Yeah. Who else was part of your theory that might be leaving us soon? Apple Sparkle, wasn't it?
6638794 Happy little clones. Happy little clones everywhere.
6638088 They are different! So they must be treated differently! History must repeat itself!
6637964 And with mysterious white fluid running down her legs.
Truthfully, besides those few Nega scenes, I hadn't thought we left the comedy all that much. Then again, my sense of humor isn't all that connected to the real world.
6637907 You really want a Cuddle and Snuggle Sparkle, don't you?
6637605 How much I laugh and smile when someone calls me a piece of shit. Or weird. Or evil. Or a monster. Just don't call me a hack. That's going too far.
Also, I don't understand what the problem is. You asked for One Punch Sparkle and I delivered. Not my fault I have no idea who One Punch Man is.
6637411 Nega Sparkle = Negative Sparkle. Or... a name used in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.
6637274 Stopped watching Equestria Girls stuff after the first movie, so I have no idea which one's better. Although the million fics that arrived on the site right after "Friendship Games" came out made me think that one performed better. Maybe not...
6637235 I get so giddy by comments like these. Thank you!
6637151 I try. Every tenth story, I actually try.
6637126 So did I. Thanks for commenting.
6640260
Luckily I know what to do to get me them. Going to grab my 3D printer, some thin metal beams, some pistons, and a lot of code. I will make my own Cuddle Sparkle and Snuggle Sparkle.
6637274
Odd, I thought my head was fairly healthy.
6640260 I had predicted the real Twilight Sparkle was either Sexy Sparkle or Dark Sparkle, either one of which would have been her letting her inhibitions really loose (in the case of Sexy Sparkle, literally so). Since Sexy Sparkle is PRESUMED dead unless she comes back for a Big Damn Hero moment, that still leaves Dark Sparkle.
I'm 90% certain anyways the real Twilight Sparkle is pretending to be one of the clones, like possibly a 'Chessmaster Twilight' (in which case she'd probably be Bad Chess Player Twilight)
6640260
It's okay I still love you lol
6640542 You're definitely on to something with these theories. But I think if Twilight was pretending to be a clone, she would've spilled the beans by now. I doubt she'd be the type to sit by and stay quiet as Ponyville is torn apart and as a few clones are murdered by Nega Sparkle. If she did pop out now and go, "I wanted to see what you'd do without me!", most would punch her in the gut for not saying so sooner. Or... that's what I would do.
I would say the same applies for her being Dark Sparkle. She's done too much villainy to reveal herself and be properly forgiven. In my mind at least.
Or perhaps I'm only reading comments as I go and swerving the story in the least likely direction people expect. Again.
6640260
Well, Human Sparkle is off my list. Great job! What do you think of a two headed Sparkle clone that's half pacifist and half hothead brawler?
Oh boy, can't wait to read all night again.
*looks to see this is latest chapter*
*time 10:53pm*
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
6641307 But then there's all the extra weight from those boosters.
6640742 what if she lost her memories and everyone just mistook her for an Amnesia Sparkle?
6637126 That's not a clone, that's Equestria Girls Twilight Sparkle that wandered through an interdimensional rift.
Now I kind of want to see what Celestia Sparkle would be like.
6658539
Well, it is one of your stories. I am kind of used to it by now.
Sounds pretty accurate
You.... You can't just... That's not how... ARRRUUUGH!
Nuuuuuuu, Sexy Sparkle!
At least Changey is most likely alright.