Quarterfinals: Mango Leaf vs. Summer Heat - Winner: Mango Leaf (by Vote)
Mango Leaf vs. Summer Heat - by Mango Leaf's Author
"How about Candy Cane?" Mango suggested, looking down the list of guests for potential flower fillies.
"So that would make her the last with your cousins and my little sister." Gillette nodded, writing down the name. "I'll write to her parents then, to make sure they're fine coming over from Ponyville."
Mango nodded, looking at the long list of invitations, the pictures of possible venues, options for bakeries and confectionaries—from Ponyville and Canterlot mostly—lists of dress designers, lists of event organizers... so many lists.
Let's finish planning for today and go have some fun! What do you say?"
"But the wedding—!"
"Is not happening for a year," Mango insisted, getting up and walking around the table to nuzzle her. "I know you want to plan ahead, but we're in good shape!” He paused at the sullen look on Gillette’s face. “If you’re really so worried, we can keep going tonight."
Gillette raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you'll let me do any work tonight?"
Mango grinned. "I make no promises. But I'll keep you busy either way." He paused, tapping his hoof on the table. "Are you sure you want to get married?" he asked, looking up.
Gillette rolled her eyes. "Of course I do, Mango," she replied, shaking her head, almost amused. "What is it with you? You've asked me three times in as many days. You're not having second thoughts, are you?"
"No! Of course not!" Mango leaned over the table, throwing several piles of papers into disarray as he gave Gillette a peck on the lips. "I love you. I just... I want to make sure you're comfortable with the idea. That's all."
"Of course I am," Gillette said, gently, patting his hoof. "I wouldn't have said yes otherwise."
Mango nodded. "I'm just glad to hear it." He sighed.
"Mango..."
He looked up to meet her eyes, caring and slightly worried.
"What's going on? Why are you so nervous I'll back out?"
Mango took a deep breath and let it out slowly, looking out the window at the busy streets of Canterlot. He could see ponies stopping by his wagon, hoping that it would be open to aid them with the heat of summer.
"Just a sad memory, love." He smiled. "It's not important. Just go get ready love, I'll wait."
6 Years Ago
The streets of Baltimare were just beginning to bustle when he opened up shop. It was unlikely that anypony would want to buy froyo so early, but the forecast told of warm weather to come—he'd consulted personally with the pegasus in charge of the weather—and so he’d set up shop right outside Celestial Park, which had a convenient spot for vendors, as well as an attractive view of the ponds, the river and the city.
It was definitely the place where ponies would come to enjoy the day and appreciate a delicious froyo.
Place secured, he sat down on one of the benches, pulled out a map and pored over potential future stops. So involved was he, that it took him a moment to realize there was a pony standing across from him.
Mango looked up at the young mare and he felt his heart stop.
Maybe it was the rays of sunlight passing through the leaves and dew, but she glowed as he started at her. Her pink coat, russet mane and tail were just the right shades to make her smile warmer, and her icy blue eyes pierced through his own like an icicle through an unsuspecting snow drift.
The mare giggled and Mango shook his head, realizing that he’d actually leaned forward in his slack-jawed awe.
"I-I'm sorry, miss!" he exclaimed, jumping up. "Please, have a seat! Can I interest you in a Frozen Yoghurt? I have the sweetest strawberries! They’d go perfect with your smile." He paused. "Your mouth! I mean, your taste—It tastes delicious!"
"That sounds interesting. I'll have one," she replied, sitting next to Mango's seat. "My name’s Summer Heat, by the way," she added, looking over his map and noticing the various tick marks on it. "Have you been to all of these places?"
Mango nodded as he mixed the froyo, then realized she likely wasn't looking at him. "Um, yes! I like doing business all over the place so I get to travel a lot!"
He made another froyo for himself and brought the pair with him, sitting next to her and offering her one. "Here, on the house. And, I'm Mango Leaf. Pleased to meet you, Summer Heat."
"You mean on the wagon," she giggled, accepting the froyo.
Mango watched with bated breath as she lifted the little wooden spoon and sank it into the creamy froyo, lifting it up, ladden with yoghurt and strawberry. He followed its trajectory to her mouth, and he couldn't restrain a smile as it hit her tongue, her eyes widening and closing. She hummed with pleasure, letting the flavors explode in her mouth like a stream of white, fruity goodness.
"Oh, Mango, this is delicious!"
"Yes, yes you are."
"What?"
"So," Mango started after a moment of staring. "You-um, you travel much?"
"Why, yes I do!" Summer said, nodding enthusiastically. "I've been to many places you have in the list there, down south."
Mango nodded, leaning forward. "Well, I was born in Haywaii," he pointed at the islands, then traced his hoof across to southern Equestria. "And I decided to start my business and make my way north. You know, Ponyville, Canterlot, I'm hoping to go as far north as the frozen lands, where my family is originally from, then head over to Griffonia to see how they like the Froyo."
"So are you going to Fillydelphia first?"
"Yeah, then to Ponyville, stopping at any little town on the way, then Canterlot, hopefully in time for the Summer Sun Celebration... then north to Glaice. From there it's either Vanhoover if I want to stay in Equestria, or head straight to Griffonia."
"So you're not heading back south?" Summer asked as Mango stood to serve a pair of ponies that had joined them at the wagon.
"Nope!" Mango called back, quickly mixing two froyos and levitating them out to the pair. After a brief thank you, an invitation to return for more and a couple bits in change, he walked back. "I passed through Las Pegasus and Appleoosa from Haywaii. Sales went well, but I think I’ll explore a bit before I go back."
"That's nice," Summer whispered, studying the map intently. "Are you travelling on your own?"
Mango shrugged with a sheepish smile. "Well, yeah. I left everything and everypony I knew behind."
She leaned in, batting her eyelashes. "Would you like to travel together for a while?"
Mango's eyes widened. "I-Ye-but! I only, I mean, I only have the wagon and there's only one bed and I guess I could sleep on the floor but we would have to share an—" he stopped when he felt the hoof softly pushing his lips shut.
Summer Heat smiled alluringly, with eyes half closed. She leaned in until he could feel her hot breath on his ear, making it twitch as she spoke, "I don't mind sharing the bed."
"Can I have a Summer Twist, please?" the pony asked, looking at the menu to the right of the window.
"Peach, Strawberry, Mango and Kiwi, coming up!" Mango called out happily, using his magic to prepare the froyo."
"Make that two!" the pony's companion called out. "It sounds delicious!"
"No problem," Mango said, nodding with a smile. "And thank you for saying that!"
"How did you make that one up?" The first pony asked. "I've always wondered how cooks and chefs come up with recipes."
Mango glanced down to where Summer Heat was talking to a couple of stallions. "Well, I named it after my inspiration."
"Well, it's amazing!" the pony said with utmost sincerity. "You said you were going to go to Canterlot eventually right? Tell you what, I live there. When I see you there, I'll invite all of my friends to try out your froyo!"
"That sounds great," Mango replied. "Thank you!"
The pair nodded, taking their froyos with a nod and heading on their way.
Mango sighed contentedly smile firmly in place, as his eyes strayed back to Summer, who was waving goodbye to the two stallions. "We should go to the bar tonight!" She cantered up to the window and sat down. "They said that tonight's drinks are two for one, and Ponyville won't have that many places to visit once we get there."
"Sure, if you want to." Mango nodded. "Just a couple of stops more and we get to Canterlot, isn't that amazing?"
Summer giggled. "I hope we get to meet the Princess!"
"Ha! Wouldn't that be something? You think she likes froyo?"
"If she doesn't, she'll learn to love it when she tries yours," she replied, bopping him on the nose with her hoof.
Mango rubbed his nose. "If it came from anypony else, I'd call them crazy."
"But you know to trust me, right?"
"Right!"
"Good! Now, close down, I think you need a break."
"But I've only been open for a few hours and—
"Things are going slow. Come on. Close down, pull down the shutters and let me in."
"Well, when you put it that way..."
Mango nodded along to the music. Although not much of a dancer, he had a good sense for rhythm. He sipped his frozen drink, keeping a cooling spell around the levitating glass to keep the contents icy. He was leaning his back against the bar, trying to see if he could catch a glimpse of Summer Heat in the mass of ponies dancing on the floor to the beat the DJ set.
The discotheque scene wasn't his scene, if he was honest with himself. Despite his urges to travel to colder climates than Haywaii and to keep away from the heat, the feel of a warm breeze, the smell of salt in the air, the good, relaxing cheer of eating in an open air area such as a luau never lost its appeal.
Music and dancing were also a big part of that, but it was a different feel, it felt less crowded, less smoky and less claustrophobic than a disco felt. The only time he would feel a breeze here was if somepony opened the door, and it was gone as soon as it appeared.
It felt constricting, funny since dancing was all about being free.
He shook his head at the stray thoughts and glanced down at the dance floor. He thought he had seen a hint of a pink coat, but it was not Summer Heat.
"Looking for your friend?" a voice behind him asked.
Blinking, Mango turned around and stared at the bar tender, an old stallion with a big moustache and crow’s feet from too much smiling. "Um, yeah, I lost track of her for just a second..."
The stallion gave him a look. It was the same look Mango's dad had given him when he’d suggested he’d revolutionize Haywaii with froyo. It was a mix of pity, concern and incoming sagely advice.
Mango didn't really want to hear it, but the old stallion was faster. Or maybe his drink had dulled his reflexes.
"Listen kid, I don't want to break it to you, but that mare's a bit more than you want to handle."
Mango snorted, sliding his hoof down to pat his saddlebag. "What, you think I'm not good enough for her?"
The stallion shook his head, and poured something on a shotglass which he slid to Mango. "On the house."
Mango stared at the clear liquid and levitated it up. The glass frosted over before he gave it a sip. "Hmm."
"Kid," the stallion started again as he dried one of the glasses he was cleaning up. "I never said she was too good for you. I said she's more than you want. In other words, you're too good for her."
Mango laughed and took another sip. "Come on, I know she'd normally be out of my league, but we're living together."
The stallion's mouth pulled back in a grimace. "It's not her beauty, kid. Been watching since you walked in. Held the door for her. Been courteous to everypony that’s sat next to you. I've seen a few mares flirt with you, won over by that smirk of yours, but you wear your heart on your hoof, son."
Mango frowned, but he wouldn't look at the stallion. He’d pulled his saddlebags up and was holding them against his chest, feeling the little container inside.
"Those mares you ignored were nice, and I happen to know that they're here to meet ponies, but also to get to know them, maybe even start a real relationship. Kid, your lady friend... she's not interested in a relationship. Or if she is, she's not interested in the type you want."
Mango scowled and downed the rest of his shot. "How would you even know that?"
"I'm a bartender," the stallion answered, as if that explained everything. "I've seen her type in here several times."
"Don't insult her."
The stallion raised his hoof. "I'm not insulting her," he said calmly. "I'm just saying I've seen her type, and yours. You both want very different things."
Mango looked down at his saddlebags. "How much do I owe you?"
The stallion sighed. "Nothing, kid. If you want to find your girl now, she went out the front door about half an hour ago."
Mango nodded, and didn't say anything, throwing a few bits into the tip jar before putting on his saddlebags, pushing away from the bar and making his way out to the cool air of Junction City.
He stumbled towards his wagon and fumbled with the keys before opening it.
There was nopony inside.
Sighing, Mango closed the door behind him and jumped onto bed.
It was her laughter outside the door that woke him up. His head hurt and his mouth was dry, but the door was opening, and he could hear her talking to somepony.
"Thanks for the fun, guys," she said, the door tilting open to allow some moonlight to paint her silhouette on the floor.
"Anytime, babe!" a voice responded.
"Let us know next time you're around, and we'll show you an even better time!" another voice added.
"Bye now!" Summer giggled, stepping in and closing the door behind her. She looked at Mango and locked the door. "Hey Mango, sorry I woke you up."
"...s’okay," Mango mumbled, groaning and rubbing his eyes. "Was looking fer you."
"Oh, I just went with Pound Rhythm and some other ponies to have some fun after his turn at DJing ended." She smirked, sliding into bed with him.
She stank of stallion and sweat and alcohol and just a bit of that smell of herself which Mango adored.
Mango didn't say anything, but she seemed to sense something.
"What's going on Mango?"
Mango shrugged, still groggy. "Nuthin', I’mma just... sleepy."
Summer frowned.
"I-I got this for you." He reached down and pulled a small box from his saddlebags. "Earlier, while you were showering before going to th' bar." His mind was clearing a bit.
"Oh, Mango!" Summer laughed, picking the box in her hooves. "You didn't need to."
Mango wasn't looking at her when she opened the box, but he could sense the change. She stopped breathing for a second, her body tensed.
"It's... it's called a 'Love Lock’", or something like that," Mango explained. "It has our initials on it, do you like it? We're supposed to lock it somewhere like a bridge or something, to make it last forever."
"Uh... y-yeah."
Mango gulped. "The other thing is... I, uh... it's an engagement band. You have me, Summer you know I'll travel the world with you and-and you don't need those other stallions. We have fun too, right?"
"Right..."
"You like it?"
Summer Heat nodded, but didn’t speak.
Mango nodded and yawned, still fuzzy. "I’mma sleep... talk to you tomorrow..." he drifted away, watching as Summer Heat lifted the band up and tried it on.
Summer Heat stared at the band around her hoof in silence. It was a light golden-pink color, slightly wavy and locked in place by a small reddish-brown gem. What had Mango called it? He’d compared her mane to a gem once...
"Axinite," she recalled. He had said that if her mane was a gemstone, it would be axinite.
She glanced from the band to Mango, passed out of bed and smelling of alcohol like never before. He’d even started drooling.
She gently slid her hoof through his mane, brushing it out of his face. She stopped when she noticed the matted fur of her coat from a love-bite from earlier that night.
She looked at the band, and the lock with the stylized Ml&SH engraved into it and sighed.
She picked it up and held it in her other hoof.
Summer Heat stayed sitting there for a long, long time.
Chirping woke Mango up the next day.
"Ugh... what did that bartender give me?" he muttered, looking around as he pushed himself up.
There was no sign of Summer.
He was sure he’d seen her the night before. He frowned as memories seeped back in. His eyes widened.
"Oh no, I gave her the band and just fell asleep!" he cried, jumping out of bed and faceplanting onto the wooden floor of his wagon as his sheets refused to let go of his hind legs. He pushed up, wiping his nose on his foreleg as he kicked the sheets loose. "She must think I'm an idiot!"
He finally extricated himself and galloped out into the bright sunlight.
He looked around the wagon, but none of the ponies sitting nearby or walking around were her.
Mango turned and walked around his wagon, trying to see if he could see her somewhere.
"Where is she?" he muttered, walking in and looking at the small clock on the wall opposite the service window. "Well, we still have a couple of hours before we need to set out." He sighed. "I'll just apologize when I see her later."
One Week Later
The golden gates to Canterlot were open wide for visitors as Mango Leaf pulled his wagon towards them, many other ponies trotting happily past.
Looking around, Mango spotted a guard, and approached him. "Excuse me, sir! Can I ask you something?"
The guard nodded. "Welcome to Canterlot, sir, how can I help you?"
"Well, I have two questions... where can I find the Chamber of Commerce?"
The guard glanced at his cart and nodded, pointing a hoof at a nearby building with several columns running along the outside and a long stairwell to a less than grandiose entrance. "You should be able to get a permit there sir. There might be a bit of a wait with the Summer Sun Celebration coming up."
Mango cringed and nodded. "Yeah, I-I forgot about that..."
The guard nodded. "And the other question, sir?"
Mango smiled sheepishly. "I was wondering if you'd seen an acquaintance of mine pass by. I realize there's too many ponies to keep track of, but she tends to stand out. Pink coat, brown-red mane... a bit disheveled, but it works for her."
The guard shook his head. "I'm sorry, sir. I don't recall seeing anypony like that."
Mango deflated. "I figured as much." He sighed, but smiled at the guard. "Well, thank you very much for your help and time, sir. Have a nice rest of the day."
"You too, sir."
Mango nodded briefly and trudged towards the chamber of commerce.
"Hey, Mango Leaf, right?"
The voice made Mango jump, and he turned to look at a pony that looked vaguely familiar. "Oh, hi! Sorry, I seem to have forgotten your name—"
"No worries, I don't think I told you it, but I bought some froyo from you back in Fillydelphia."
"Oh, sure, yeah! How are you?"
"Great! You going to sell froyo at the Summer Sun Celebration? That's awesome! I look forward to some Summer Twists!"
Mango closed his eyes and cringed. "Y-yeah, um, I'm afraid I don't... have any Summer Twists this time around."
"Aww, that's too bad," the pony sighed. "Well, I'll stop by when I see you set up. Later!"
"Later."
Mango grimaced and looked up at the Chamber of Commerce, standing in place for several minutes before shaking his head and turning, pulling his wagon behind him as he made for the gates of Canterlot.
Maybe he'd try some other time.
Present Day
"Equestria to Mango!"
Mango blinked awake, shaking himself away from the window he had been gazing at. "I'm sorry, Gillette, what was that?"
"You okay?" Gillette asked gently, putting a hoof on his shoulder.
Mango smiled and pulled her for a hug. "I'm just glad that I found you."
Gillette giggled and hugged him back, enjoying the embrace for a few seconds before pulling back. "Come on, Mango, we should really catch up with Rachis before he decides I’ve abandoned the salon."
Mango nodded, following her out of the apartment and down into the streets of Canterlot. They walked over the bridge, chatting about their mutual friend.
The pair stopped for a moment, when Gillette pointed at several love locks tied under the bridge. Mango sighed, closed his eyes and nuzzled Gillette, pulling her towards downtown. He never saw, buried among several others, a familiar lock with a rusted engraved front. It held in it's shackle a band, glittering pink in the sunlight and a single red-brown gemstone on it.
End
Playing it Straight - by Summer Heat's Author
There it was, right on cue: the priceless face that only came at the very moment when pleasure was spiked with a surge of pain. Mango had seen it countless times on countless ponies, but Summer Heat's expression was particularly exquisite. It started gently: only a slight grimace at first, then a clenched jaw, then eyes squeezed shut, and then Summer Heat threw her head back with a tight-jawed “Nnnnngh!”
Her mane waterfalled across her face and over her shoulders as she braced herself against the bench with one forehoof and pressed the other against her temple. A full-body quiver rippled through Summer Heat's neck, shoulders, flanks, and haunches, locking her in place with muzzle upturned and face scrunched as if in exertion, until her lips parted in a shuddering gasp.
Mango Leaf whistled. "Hoo! That was a good one!"
Summer Heat finally loosened her muscles and huffed out a sigh of relief. Then she shot Mango Leaf a sidelong glance and rolled her eyes. "Very funny. Glad I put on a nice show.”
"Ha! You just ate too fast, tha’s not my fault!” Mango Leaf said through a gigantic grin. “For real though, one of the best things about selling to tourists? Watching 'em get brain freeze like that."
“Yeah, I hear I make good faces,” Summer intoned. "You calling me a 'tourist' now?" She gestured to where a herd of ponies were rambling down the street, all of them brandishing cameras and wearing garish floral-print shirts.
“Well...”
Mango Leaf turned his and busied himself with packing up his frozen yogurt cart. Securing a spot here on the main beach walk had been a stroke of luck, but now the hottest part of the day was over, and the tourists were starting to move on to dinners and shows instead of shopping and sunbathing--might as well pack it in.
"... Kinda hard to call you kama'aina after only a couple years. How come you came back, anyways? You were talkin’ like it was aloha for good."
Summer Heat replied by pouting her lips and batting her lashes. "Maybe I've been craving your delicious yogurt. Just about broke my mouth!"
Mango pressed one hoof to his face as he bent forward in full-voiced laughter. When he recovered, his easy smile had returned. "Well actually, speaking of tourists, my cousin's comin’ from the mainland to visit tomorrow. Maybe you wanna meet him?"
Summer shrugged. "Sounds fun. Actual cousin or the other kind?"
"Other kind. Actually, I just saw him a coupla months ago..."
“Cousins don't shake hooves. They hug. Now come here, you big lump.”
It took a moment before Haystacks hugged back, but when he did, Mango felt himself being wrapped in the restrained power of a born and bred workhorse.
“...You missed me, then?” Mango breathed into Haystacks’ ear.
There was a delay.
Haystacks replied just before Mango would have started tickling him to get him to talk. “Of course I did.”
The power-built country boy’s voice was low and smooth; doubly so when lowered to an intimate murmur. It was the kind of voice that could make anything sound good, even the succinct phrases that Haystacks usually spoke in. A little flicker of coltish excitement passed through Mango Leaf’s gut as he tightened his hold and squeezed their bodies together just a bit harder.
The night was warm, and Haystacks’ coarse coat was even warmer, so the body heat between them was barely within the bounds of ‘pleasant.’ The same could be said of Haystacks’ scent--with his face buried in Haystacks’ shoulder, Mango could smell faint remnants of a long hot day’s worth of dry crops and damp exertion.
“Me too, bud,” said Mango Leaf. He let go of the hug after lingering for just long enough to feel Haystacks fill his broad chest with another deep breath.
Summer Heat had been listening with a hoof-tip resting against her lips. A contemplative frown spread from behind her hoof as Mango finished talking.
“Anyways, uh... so that’s my cousin Haystacks. He’s just one of those really nice guys, you know? It had been a really long time before that, so it was nice.”
Summer nodded slowly. "Sounds like he’s a really, really good guy.”
Mango nodded back, more enthusiastically. “Oh yeah, he really is. I’m lucky to have him as a--”
“You are gonna make your move when he comes, right?" Summer Heat detached her hoof from her mouth and turned it face-up toward Mango. Her voice and her eyes were utterly serious.
"Uh.” Mango Leaf felt his eyes widen. “Now I’m thinkin’ maybe I said too much..."
The smirk on Summer’s face turned into a full-on wolf grin. "Uh huh. Should’ve seen your face while you were describing him. I know that look. ”
"I mean... but...” Mango Leaf waved both hooves in circular gestures, illustrating nothing in particular. “He's pretty much family. I can’t just spring that kinda thing outta nowhere, you know?"
Summer rolled her eyes and made a dismissive “pfft” sound. "So don't! Meet him at the station, maybe bring him one of those what-do-you-call-em flower things, give a nice big hug when you put it on him. If he’s not into stallions, then you have a problem, but I haven’t heard you say that yet.”
“So, what, I should start flirting as soon as his hooves touch the ground? I told you, we’re like cousins, what if--”
Summer hardly slowed down. “Basics of the basics: say stuff that shows how you're looking at him as a STALLION, not a cousin." She jabbed her hoof toward Mango’s chest. “What, worried about ‘making things awkward?’ You’ll regret it if you don’t try, and you know it.”
Mango slumped into the bench’s backrest, contemplating the truth of those words. The sun was sinking behind the high-rise hotels and boutiques, and it was getting dark--time to either go drinking or go home.
"So,” he said, without turning to face Summer Heat, “I guess you fancy yourself a professional at this kinda stuff, huh?"
Summer pushed off the back of the bench, propelling herself so that she landed on the paved walkway all fours. "Please. Professionals get paid. I prefer ‘artist.’ Just make sure you tell me how it went when I come back for more yogurt tomorrow."
Haystacks took a deep, deep breath as he stepped off the last rung of the flimsy portable staircase and onto solid ground. Before yesterday, he had hardly even known what an airship looked like, let alone set hoof inside one, let alone spent all day and all night trapped inside a cramped metal box hanging off the bottom of a balloon that was suspended thousands of feet in the air and vibrating from the force of three massive engines, with nothing but vast ocean beneath for as far as the eye could see.
Haystacks had spent more sleepless nights than he could keep track of on convincing himself to go through with this trip, then several more making arrangements for the time he would be gone. His mother had been soul-rendingly supportive. She had scolded him for worrying about her. Told him to bring back souvenirs. And then beckoned him closer to the bed so that she could kiss him on the cheek and wish him a safe trip.
That was how Haystacks, the country boy who averaged two days away from the farm in a typical year, had up and flown across an ocean and most of a continent to stay on a tiny volcanic island for an entire weekend. That was insane. Impossible. But it had happened. All because of--because what, again? Was there really a reason sufficient to justify it all?
It was too late, of course. He had climbed off the airship, walked into the airship depot, crossed through the airship depot’s departure gate area, and exited onto the streets of a strange city named Hoofolulu. There was an emboldening rush to it, as well as a weakening chill: he had made a great accomplishment, or a great mistake.
“Hey! Who’s that big lump over there who looks exactly just like somepony I know?”
The sound of Mango Leaf’s voice was unmistakable, and it was the first pleasurable thing that Haystacks had experienced since being locked inside the cramped hellhole that was the airship’s cabin. Haystacks turned to face where the voice had come from and--yes, there it was--just like before, the mere sight of Mango Leaf’s warm colors and warmer smile were enough to bring on those feelings of friendship and familiarity; enough to soothe Haystacks’ frayed nerves and make it as if their last meeting had been only yesterday. Today, Mango Leaf was wearing a string of yellow-fringed white flowers as a long necklace, easily reaching mid-chest. Strange, thought Haystacks, but fitting for a tropical island.
“Oh. Nah, nevermind, sorry,” said Mango Leaf as he coasted to a stop in front of Haystacks.
Haystacks opened his mouth and furrowed his brow in confusion. Confusion, and--and maybe he ought to be offended?
Before Haystacks could formulate an objection, Mango spoke again with a dismissive wave. “The stallion I’m lookin’ for wouldn’t stop working if you offered him a million bits and a date with the sexiest fro-yo vendor in the world.”
Mango Leaf leveled a flat stare at Haystacks for just long enough for the words to sink in, and then he lunged with both hooves outstretched. Before the inevitable hug, something light and slightly itchy was dropped over Haystacks’ head and onto his shoulders. Oh--Mango had given him the flowers. And then they were hugging, of course they were, because cousins didn’t shake hooves.
“I’ve been counting the days, Hay.” Mango Leaf peeled away from the hug and gave Haystacks an odd look. Longing, was that the word? “I just... I’ve been thinkin’ about you a lot since last time.”
Haystacks smiled, though he didn’t know quite what to say. Knowing that he had such a good friend in Mango, well, that felt good, to be sure, and in more ways than one. But Haystacks wasn’t good at accepting flattery, so he just smiled. Then he raised a hoof to his collar and looked down at the odd, organic adornment hanging from his shoulders. “Why did you give me this?”
“It’s called a lei,” said Mango. “And don’t bother making a pun--we’ve all heard the get lei’d joke a million times.”
Haystacks rolled his eyes. “I came to see a new place and spend time with my cousin, not get lei’d.”
Mango appeared to falter just a bit, before laying the flattery on even thicker. “Big strong country boy with looks like yours, I bet you have mares and stallions lining up down the block,” said Mango with a mockingly coy lilt. “Wouldn’t blame them.”
“I haven’t met anypony. You know that.” Then he smiled again. Whether Mango knew it or not, the teasing and compliments were a welcome distraction from the stresses of travel. Just one more of the many reasons he was so glad to be near Mango.
“But if I end up with a stallion, I hope he's just like you," said Haystacks. "Cousin," he added.
The answer to that was a brief silence. In fact, they walked side by side without speaking for more than a few seconds. Haystacks felt a sudden twinge of guilt, followed by a deep plunge of worry; had he made Mango Leaf uncomfortable? Haystacks stopped and turned toward his old friend, opening his mouth and trying to find the right apology, but Mango spoke up first.
“Yeah, well, I hope so too, cousin.” Mango Leaf was looking straight ahead and still walking, but at least he was showing teeth with his smile. “C’mon--the place I was taking you for dinner closes early. We should hurry.”
"So...?"
Sure enough, Summer Heat was back for more yogurt. She was early this time; Mango Leaf had barely finished setting up. The mare had a bright, eager expression when she trotted up to the stand, which fell gradually as she got a better look at Mango’s own face.
"He said he’d love to be with a stallion just like me someday."
Summer Heat nodded slowly. Once... twice.
“...Ouch.”
Mango Leaf reared up and leaned on the stand’s counter with both forelegs. “Uh huh. So what kinda fro-yo for you?”
Her eyes flicked across the long list of flavors, lighting on names at random instead of scanning in any kind of pattern. “How long did you say he's here for?" she said, almost absentmindedly.
"Only until monday," said Mango Leaf. “I’m gonna take the weekend off for him. Still wanna meet him?”
Summer Heat didn’t break eye contact with the yogurt menu. "Monday? That’s plenty of time. What’s he up to tomorrow?"
“Hey, I told you, he said...”
Summer raised a hoof, silencing him. “You boys give up so easily. What is he up to tomorrow?”
Mango raised both brows at Summer’s no-nonsense attitude. “Uh.”
Summer continued to scrutinize the menu board for its secrets. “Well?”
“He’s doing some... some tour thing with a group. Today they’re sightseeing, and I think tomorrow is a day at the beach.”
Summer bobbed her head in a single firm nod. "Perfect. Perfect. All right, I’ve got your battle plan. But first?"
She finally looked up from the menu board with a hardened gaze, and spoke with flat conviction.
“Maple-bourbon. Two scoops. Chop-chop.”
White sand, clear skies, vast ocean, and blazing sunlight: Summer in Haywaii. The kind of scenery that pamphlets, artists, and novelists would classify as “beautiful” with almost obligatory ease.
Summer Heat found her rented beach chair, put her new pair of designer sunglasses on, and reached for the bottle of juice that she had left on the little side table. Good--it was still cool to the touch.
There they were, the tour group, all wearing matching green lanyards and setting up the volleyball net, but where... ah, there he was. Mango Leaf’s orange mane and shockingly yellow coat, incoming at top speed from eleven o'clock, were impossible to miss. Which meant that the monotone khaki-tan fellow that he was making a beeline for could only be...
Summer nodded approvingly as the blaze-yellow unicorn intercepted his “target” with a surprise hip-check, which was answered by a stumble, a confused look, and then a playful elbow jab. The two started talking--their words were drowned out by the insistent rush of the ocean, but even from a distance it was clear that they were smiling. Soon, they were chased off the court so that the games could begin.
Volleyball, as it turned out, was a sexy game.
A jet-black stallion reared forcefully, then hopped from his rear hooves for extra height on an overhead spike. His wild seafoam mane was thrown wildly by the breeze and his sinewy haunches strained for every ounce of jump power. He loaded an attack by pulling one forehoof to his shoulder, then whipped an arcing strike up and over his head in one coordinated snap of motion, sending the ball into a lethal line drive.
But the other team--a pair of pegasus mares--would not be so easily defeated. One of them dove for a desperate save, hurling her toned body across the sand and extending her long, lithe limbs as far as she could. The black stallion's spike shot hit her outstretched hoof instead of the sand, and the ball bounced high into the air as she slid a few inches and then picked herself up.
Not all of the competitors were quite so impressive, of course, but all the same, Summer Heat was glad she had decided to watch.
It took several matches before Mango Leaf and the pony who could only be Haystacks got their turn on the court. It was plain to see that Haystacks was reluctant--Mango all but dragged him into position--but it was equally obvious that where Mango went, Haystacks would follow.
Mango took his place on the back line and started the game with a clean overhoof serve. Not that Summer didn't already know about Mango Leaf's body, but his coordinated flowing form showed that there was a fine physique beneath that blinding coat.
The opponents returned with a long lob that landed in the sand directly behind Haystacks.
To Haystacks’ credit, his skills improved remarkably quickly as the match progressed. Soon, instead of watching balls fall, he was hustling to lead their paths and positioning himself to return or set-up. He and Mango were still losing, of course, which made it all the more fortunate that the turning point happened when it did.
Mango and Haystacks both dove to save the same spike, resulting in a painful-looking full-body collision. Haystacks picked himself up without too much trouble, then pulled Mango to his hooves, only to be thrown forcibly back to the ground as Mango locked him into a wrestler's grip and used the element of surprise to yank the larger stallion off his hooves.
"Nice," Summer Heat muttered.
Haystacks reversed Mango and took the top position with a sudden surge of strength, forcing Mango onto the sand with his belly facing the sun. As the larger stallion pressed down onto his kicking and arching "cousin," Summer placed the bottle of juice to her lips and took a long, slow drink. Immoral though the thought was, she found herself wishing for a camera. Or at least some popcorn.
The blue-orange-grey of the evening sky was suddenly obscured by the head and torso of a smirking earth pony mare leaning into Mango Leaf’s field of vision.
"Had fun today?" Summer Heat said.
“Somethin’ like that,” Mango Leaf said, rolling off of the bench where he had been reclining. “The group went off to see a show, but he’s with me tomorrow, then I’m puttin’ him up for his last night before going back. It’s perfect!”
“Well, well. So much confidence. What changed?"
Mango snorted. “Oh come on, do you think I’m blind? You were watching the whole time. You sure like watching big sweaty stallions jumpin’ around and divin’ for balls, huh?"
Summer turned up her nose in mock offense. "I was only there in a professional capacity, rest assured."
"You said you were an artist, not a professional,” Mango returned. “Or, what, are you saying wanna be paid now?"
Summer tapped her lips with a hoof. Her eyes fell onto the yogurt menu.
“One extra large, half honeydew-mint and half lilikoi, with condensed milk on top, and we'll call it square."
"Hoo, that’s one hard bargain you’re drivin’ for your services. Two flavors and the condensed milk?"
Summer clicked her tongue. “You want the best, you pay for the best.”
Mango Leaf smiled at her, then turned his back to get to work on her ‘payment.’ It wasn’t until he was leaned all the way into his cart that a question from before started to tug at his mind.
"So, you know... I was just thinking.”
“Don’t hurt yourself.”
“Ha.”
The lilikoi was easy enough, but the honeydew wasn’t a popular flavor. Mango Leaf had to stretch in order to reach it.
“Like I was saying. You came back, you tracked me down, and then you... well, you know, you did all this for me, even though we hadn’t talked in years. It kinda doesn’t make sense?"
Summer Heat didn’t reply immediately. When she did, it was without her characteristic sass.
“Something wrong with that? Seems like it worked out for you.”
“Oh yeah! You’re like a cousin I didn't know I needed.” With both flavors of yogurt scooped and ready, he finally leaned back from the cart’s refrigerated interior and turned toward his basket of toppings. “It’s just, I didn't think you were the type to, you know... care.”
There wasn’t an answer from Summer through the entire time Mango Leaf spent drizzling condensed milk for her.
“I mean, sorry if that sounds harsh, but--”
“Sorry, are you talking to me?” said the green unicorn standing at the counter.
Some distance away, a cutie mark depicting a sprinkle of flower petals folded itself into a crowd, and then was gone.
Bottle of top-grade 'okolehao set on the table like a centerpiece. Check.
A record of the closest approximation of mood music that Haywaii’s local musicians had to offer. Check.
Scented candles perched at random around the perimeter of the living room. Perhaps a bit frivolous, but check.
Lights turned down low. Laundry shoved in the closet. Bedroom cleaned. Head full of alternately heart-melting and blush-inducing images of the night to come. Check, check, check, check. Buying time by “heading to the store for some things” and instructing Haystacks to bring home the take-out once it was ready had definitely been a good move. Rude for a host, perhaps, but Haystacks wasn’t the type to get uppity about such things, and with any luck, it would all be worth it.
Now, though, Mango Leaf was afraid that he might have bought himself too much time; the anticipation was threatening to shake his resolve.
Eventually, Mango Leaf managed to stop pacing around his house looking for something else to prepare or clean up, and stepped out through his front door to stare up at the stars--something that always calmed him. Really, it should have been obvious: Summer Heat hadn't done a thing to help seduce Haystacks. What she had done was convince Mango Leaf to find out if Haystacks felt the same way, after all this time.
Ten minutes passed. Fifteen.
It was then that Mango Leaf first smelled the smoke.
“Hey there.”
“...Hey.”
The air-conditioned interior of the depot was mercifully empty, with only a few travelers and inter-island commuters standing at counters and waiting in lines. Even through the concrete walls, the thrumming of gigantic propellers could be heard whenever a ship came in for a landing. Haystacks was going to be boarding one of those ships.
"Here to see him off?"
See him off. The words fell heavy on Mango Leaf’s ears, full of oppressive finality. That was it, then. Haystacks was about to board an airship all the way back to his home in the heart of mainland Equestria, and there was no telling how long it would be until the next chance to see him again.
“Already did.”
Summer Heat didn’t speak up for a few seconds. Waiting, maybe. Mango didn’t oblige her. If she had taken the trip out to the depot just to hear the report, well, he didn’t feel like sharing right now.
"That bad, huh?"
“Mm.”
Mango Leaf failed to muster the effort of explaining how he and Haystacks had been forced to crash at an auntie’s house after Mango had accidentally set his couch on fire with a scented candle.
"The whole thing didn’t really happen. Sorry. I know you wanted to help.”
The worst was realizing, in hindsight, that he could have gotten a hotel room, could have brought Haystacks out to sleep beneath the stars, could have, would have, should have... but it didn’t matter now. At the time, Mango Leaf had been too exhausted, too devastated, and too guilty to think of doing anything except seek out a solution the best way he knew how: by calling upon his ‘family’ of friends.
And that was it. Mango Leaf had missed his chance, likely the only one he would get for years. Years that he would spend wondering if Haystacks felt the same way.
“Don’t be sorry. Hey.”
Mango was dimly aware that a small weight had been laid across his shoulders. He didn’t respond.
“You love him. If he loves you, that won’t change no matter how long you’re apart, no matter how much you both change. No matter what.”
“No matter what...”
The change was instantaneous. Mango Leaf yanked Summer Heat into a rough hug, planted a peck on her cheek, then turned and bolted off in the direction of Haystacks’ departure gate.
He left so quickly that he didn't see the expression on Summer Heat's face as he ran off, or how she watched for a little longer than necessary before turning back to the ticket counter she had been standing at before talking to Mango.
"Aloha, Mango Leaf," she said softly.
“...But don't worry. If we think about it together, and walk the same road, then I'm sure we'll make some sense out of it. But you promise you'll chase your dreams, right?”
Haystacks didn’t answer right away, so Mango gave him a nudge. “No matter what happens.”
When Mango Leaf tried to lock eyes with Haystacks, he saw that Haystacks had his eyes squeezed shut, and was nodding as hard as he could instead of talking.
“Whatever they might be,” Haystacks finally said, once his eyes were dry. There was only a slight waver to his voice. “I promise.”
The doors opened. The stairs were wheeled into place. The airship loomed in all its terrifying immensity.
Welp.
It had been a good trip, all told. The simple fact of how decadent it felt to take a real vacation had been one of the greatest new experiences of all.
And he had gotten to spend time with Mango, even if that time had ended with an unpleasant surprise and an unintended adventure. Not a failure, no, but... unsatisfying, really. More than a little unsatisfying, since he never would have come here if not for...
“Haystacks! Haystacks!”
The voice alone caused Haystacks’ breath to catch in his chest. Then the voice’s owner knocked the rest of the breath out of him by ramming into him with a forceful, almost desperate hug.
“What I said last time,” Mango said breathlessly, “The campfire. That’s why you came all the way out here. Because I made you promise...”
Haystacks swallowed hard, and nodded harder. It came all at once, the feelings, the memories, the warmth, all of it, and suddenly, even in front of all these people, it was hard--impossible--to contain. “D-dreams,” he choked. “No matter what happens.”
“No matter what happens.” Tears brimmed in Mango Leaf’s eyes as he curled one hoof around the back of Haystacks’ head. “Whatever they might be.”
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Another set of stories with funny similarities and differences.
Mango Leaf has done his straightforward slice of life shtick again, and this is the best he's done so far with execution. This is the super-obvious way to use Summer Heat, and as a result she really, really rings true.
Summer Heat has written something kind of messy, but also rather interesting. It has an element of fun to it, there's a lot more dialogue and interaction, there's the bits that were straight up lifted from Haystacks in round 3, and I think there's actually a parody of Haystacks' writing style.
Leaning toward Summer Heat, but again not making a snap decision.
Mango Leaf's Author
Wow, I spent like 40 mins just going back and forth on this story. I loved them both, and I wish that they hadn't been matched so soon!
Both stories made an effort to make Summer Heat almost slutty. I like that. If we take both scenes something magical might happen! And both stories dealt with relationships too, in very different ways and impacting very differently on each other.
Mango's Story
Well, I have to give you props for having a semi-cohesive story actually working out through the whole contest. We've been exploring Mango's life as part of a whole, which is pretty cool, even if it might make things more complicated for you to write. Maybe next round you should take Summer's approach and do something completely unrelated? Although I guess one of the strengths of your stories is that it's connected. Ah well.
I liked the deviation from your usual upbeat chapters into a sad territory, and how you portrayed both Mango's optimism and Summer Heat's flakiness to commitment and loyalty. The ending was also a good reflection of how a character like Summer could affect others, but also be directly affected, instead of simply being a happy-go-lucky illusion. I like the implications of her taking the lock and putting it there herself, since it also gives her own story a tragic twist.
Summer Heat's Story
I think that Summer Heat has been one of my favorite characters this contest and her mischievous attitude is what really won me over all those times. I like her attitude. I think that always, always sells her to me; that happy-go-
sluttylucky thing she has going for her and her fearless ability to jump up to the challenge like she did against Iron Curtain.I hate to say this but, Summer Heat feels a bit OOC when it comes to her relationship with Mango. Not terribly, of course... obviously Summer Heat's author would know how to write her, but, since when does she invest time on others to help them? I mean, granted it is lampshaded, but it's odd. And it seems unusual for her to form an attachment and go back to it since her purpose seemed to be to avoid that at all costs. It's a far different Summer Heat than the self-centered character she's described as in her sheet.
Results... well, I'll be honest...Summer's story almost feels like a poke at, and convenient use of, the popularity the accidental shipping that happened with Haystacks author received. And in turn, most of its appeal comes from shipping the previous round and less from strengths of its own. It's definitely more about Haystacks and Mango than it is about Summer and Mango, and that rubs me the wrong way as much as it makes me sad because the main character here should be Summer. She shouldn't be the support role.
In the end, although both stories tried to tie the characters to previous iterations, Mango's is actually consistent and shows a Summer Heat that is not invulnerable, while again, Summer's feels like it's riding a shipping bandwagon.
Anyway, I'll post my thoughts on the other two tomorrow, most likely. Choosing between these two really drained me.
Obligatory:
Mango uses no Hawaiian. This is my fault and I feel kind of bad. Sorry dude, I shouldn't have been so blunt.
Summer Heat does just some weirdly spot-on things like "kama'aina" and "mainland," which makes it feel all the weirder that they intentionally carried the worst one, "cousin," over from the last round.
I truly, deeply, bitterly regret not going with my other idea of something like this but with Mango and Gillette. The amount of connection would have been amazing.
Mango Leaf's Author
I love the Slamjam so much. Why can't everything I read be this much fun?
I'm sorry, I can't resist. In the spirit of Luster Lock's stream-of-consciousness journals, here are my reactions to Mango's entry as they came to me. I bet yours were all pretty similar:
And I guess it's only fair I do the same thing for Summer's entry:
I take my first comment about the previous pair back. This one was far closer, and they both exemplified what it means to be in Round 4 of the OC Slamjam. I love how the two authors took Mango's canon in completely different directions, and how both of them really took on the other's usual style and tone over their own. If either of them had done something closer to what they usually did, this would have been a much different contest.
So quick notes on my vote. Both stories had mistakes, especially Mango's, but both stories were good enough to make up for it. Mango finally gave us Summer Heat doing what she does best, though maybe skirted a little too close to the character development she had last round against Quick Study. Like I said, Summer's story didn't have quite enough Summer in it for me to feel her last scene with her in it, and the last two scenes with Mango and Haystacks were a bit too talk-y to fit in with the rest of the story. It was a continuation of Haystacks's last-round entry and the dialogue they had in it, but it didn't really work here. It was certainly a big change from the borderline-parodic nature of the rest of the fic.
Insanely close call, came down to well-roundedness more than anything else. Mango had it, Summer not as much. Still, good job to both of you, and thank you so much for this experience.
(Sorry to everyone for the really long posts all the time)
Abstain
Full Disclosure: I had voted for Summer Heat before 6229159 (above) pointed out the plagiarism issue. While I disagree with some of his points (I think using competitors' previous entries is fair game, since it's all part of the contest and builds on each character's history in a way that a little snapshot never could), he's right that lifting whole paragraphs is going too far.
I'm abstaining, because I still think Summer's story was better overall, even with the offending section removed completely.
Mango Leaf's Story
Pros: Very cute, believable story. Good chemistry between Mango and Gillette.
Cons: The dialogue seemed stilted at times, and the story overall lacks polish.
Playing It Straight
Pros: I loved the friendship between Mango and Summer. From a technical standpoint, this is the far superior story.
Cons: The story jumped around a little, and Summer Heat took a bit of a backseat.
Overall, I liked Summer Heat's story better for a number of reasons. The characters and dialogue felt much tighter than Mango Leaf's, and the interactions between characters felt more genuine. Mango's were good, too, but I have to give the nod to Summer Heat.
A couple examples of issues from Mango's story:
"…icy blue eyes pierced through his own like an icicle"
"The discotheque scene wasn't his scene"
There were other repeated words in Mango's as well as some missing punctuation. In Summer Heat's, everything flowed more nicely for me. Great job to both authors.
I have decided on Summer Heat's author. Long story short, it's nuanced in some ways that I definitely appreciate, things like the flashbacks and the POV shifting. It hurts, hurts, HURTS to vote for ambition and meaning that mostly succeeds instead of straightforward and cohesive that almost completely succeeds... I'll come back to this comment.
I have not decided on Lili versus Luster.
Because, damn.
Mango Leaf's author
Holy crap this is hard. Both stories were outstanding. Both played with the "continuity" of the stories really well, using previous stories to enhance the current ones without looking forced. The second story had more subtle interactions between the characters than the first, but suffered somewhat due to including Haystacks a little too prominently. Still, the interactions between the Summer and Mango in the second story was very well done. In the end, though, I have to give it to the first story for doing a better job at exploring Summer's character in addition to Mango's (which both authors did well).
Mango Leaf's Author
Because fuck you, Summer. Take a hike.
Mango Leaf's Author
This is one of those things where something one author does offended me in a "people shouldn't get away with doing this" sort of way to the point that that I can't help but base a not insignificant portion of my decision on it. You could probably make a case for me being biased, but I'm not of a mind to care on this one.
Mechanical flub-ups started to appear in Mango's story as early as the first few paragraphs, and they didn't often let up after that—wide-ranging stuff, too, though it mostly leaned towards various punctuation issues. And there were some stylistic issues as well, the big offenders probably being odd timing/sequencing of events/dialogue, a bit of perspective confusion, and (I know this is weird to say, but still) just how many freaking times a character nodded in that entry—once, the same pair of characters even nodded twice in a single sentence! Nigh on constantly, the editor in me was making me pop over to the tab where I'm currently writing this and very nearly start listing the problem areas one by one. Well and truly crippled my immersion in the story.
Outside of the technical stuff, it has to be said that Mango's author has shown a lot of improvement. There wasn't a disjointed feeling this time around, for me; no scenes felt out of place or superfluous, and less frequently did a moment zip by without due description. It was just a lot more solid than some of the past entries from Mango's author have been. Example: Something I certainly liked about this entry over the one from last round is that the frame with Gilette, or at least her part in it, feels more firmly thematically connected to the rest. In general, the theme of it felt more skillfully interwoven this time around, rather than concentrated into tonally different spots.
Something about the characterization in Mango's author's piece struck me oddly in such a way that I'm not fully sure what he or she was going for. Specifically, I wasn't quite sure whether the author was attempting to paint Mango as a lovable, loving, and naïve young man and Summer as the relatively uncaring, selfish mare that unfairly broke his heart, or whether I was supposed to see Mango as the selfish one. As a fool who—perhaps even willfully—ignored everything apart from physical appearance about this mare he'd failed to (as far as we were shown) get to know, and then forced her into leaving by placing her in an unwinnable situation where it was either that or hurt Mango to his face when she wasn't even sure on what her own feelings for him were apart from that open declarations of love and requests for marriage were too much, too soon. The last few lines of the entry and my yearning to give Mango's author the benefit of the doubt make me lean towards the latter interpretation (even if things like the bartender's assessment of Mango and the author's general portrayal of the character as a good guy point in the other direction), and if that's the case, I really have to commend him or her. That's a pretty daring, realistic take on the character, especially when taken in conjunction with the author's previous tendency towards comedies—which this also wasn't, which I also thought was pretty cool.
Last thing: It tickles me that love locks made their way into Mango's author's entry, like he or she had assumed that Luster Lock would take this round and wanted to have an easy segue. Possibly the most intelligently meta move in the contest, even if I don't think it benefits this story all that much, the way it was executed.
So, getting into Summer's author's entry, you can probably guess the thing that offended me so much even if it didn't have the same effect on you. I've been vocal on the matter of entries' relationships with previous rounds. I've been (figuratively) unamused by but relatively neutral towards references that don't add anything to an entry but a joke or a nod. I've been critical of stories that continue off of previous entries without managing to bake in what's necessary to keep the current entry viable on its own. I've been bothered by lines that feel as though they're lazily copied in part from the sheets or from a previous round's entry. I've been vaguely disgusted by the use of other authors' fallen OCs as primary characters.
This, though, might be the worst twist on the issue yet.
To flat-out use a scene, dialogue verbatim, that another author has written? We don't come into this contest having signed a little waiver that says it's open season on everything we write—in my book, this is goddamn plagiarism, Summer's author (Post-drama edit: in a reflexive, colloquial, and non-legal sense). What somehow makes it even worse? Haystacks' author openly stated that the direction you took the scene in wasn't what he or she'd been shooting for in his or her entry. Haystacks and Mango having been in a homoerotic sort of situation with one another was a fun lens to view that entry in, and yeah, it would've been a funny thing for you to play off of or build a story around if that was all you were doing, but way to add insult to injury. There were a million better ways to go about working that concept in.
It all didn't exactly stop with that scene, either. Those other forms of my issue with using things from previous rounds cropped up as aspects like Haystacks becoming a perspective character, and bits like
seemed to me to be geared towards having fun at Haystacks' author's expense. It was all kind of ridiculous.
Just to do it, I'll cover the rest of the story in brief. Mechanics-wise, Summer's author's entry was definitely the stronger of the two. It wasn't clean as could be, but I wasn't being taken out of the story on a paragraph-by-paragraph basis. The prose was somewhat more full-bodied. The characters and the situation were delightfully silly and enjoyable, though perhaps not as deeply explored as in Mango's author's entry. Its hook was a thing of beauty. Funnily enough, I'd even say that Summer's author does a better, more enticing job of portraying Mango's fro-yo. I have so few complaints, but those that I do have are huge for me personally.
In essence, I enjoyed Summer's author's entry a good deal, and had he or she been more considerate/self-aware, I might well have voted for it. This kind of problem reaches beyond the boundaries of the contest for me, though. You just don't do this, in this way.
Edit: 6227455
In that first story of Mango's that had the Hawaiian, I recall it being specified that he was falling back into the habit because he was back in Haywaii; he doesn't do it when he's been away a while.
6228629 Lol. But, uh... shouldn't you not be voting with a sockpuppet? That's kind of like a second vote...
6229159 I actually thought that "exactly like somepony i know" joke was more a jab at you and your criticism of Haystacks last round than making fun of Haystacks's author. I don't know, that was my impression. Of course, I'm ridiculously hard to offend when I'm in a good mood, and I was laughing throughout the whole entry.
Mango Leaf's Author
Basically, this is my sentiment exactly:
Summer's story really just drove me up a wall, rubbed my fur backwards, and then stole my food for good measure.
6229212
No, yeah, that's what I'm getting at. Things like that line and the one about the "top-grade 'okolehao" seemed to be based on criticisms leveled against Haystacks' author's entry last round, so to have them brought up again felt mean-spirited to me. I saw it as kicking Haystacks' author while he or she was down, like, "Weren't these problems funny?" or some such thing. Why else would you want to make a callback to something people thought was a mistake?
Edit: Well, the obvious answer is, as you said, to make a jab at Tactical and I for our criticisms. And you could probably make that argument in the case of the 'okolehao (since I seem to recall Haystacks' author or somebody throwing that back at him), but since nobody openly disagreed with how silly I'd found the line about Mango's appearance to be, I can only assume it wasn't a jab at me.
6229240 I'm having a lot of trouble imagining any author writing that much angry meta into their story, especially considering it was other people's feedback to another author's story. I laughed harder at that line than anything else the whole round, because I knew it was a reference to your comment, but I didn't get the impression it was making fun of anyone. I saw it as a friendly nod. If I was the author behind Haystacks and his last round, personally, I still would've laughed.
Plus, Summer Heat has one of the nicest sock puppets outside of Lilligold. I just can't see that author doing all this to make fun of Haystacks or the voters who criticized him. And then, of course, you've got to ask yourself why, while using Mango's last round to play up the character of Summer Heat, would any author go to the trouble of writing it to be an offensive parody? That doesn't make any sense to me.
6229271
I agree with you that the Summer alt is amicable, but that doesn't mean I would necessarily put it past the author to see this kind of thing as being all in good fun without having stopped to think of how Haystacks' author could see it. If you're going to make nods to the comments, why not things that people said they liked—or at least found funny, rather than flawed—instead? Though, this is getting a tad too flat-difference-of-perception–y, so if you want to keep going, we may want to move over to the discussion chapter.
6227630
https://www.google.com/search?q=kama%27aina&client=ms-android-hms-tmobile-us&espv=1&sboxchip=Images&biw=320&bih=452&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=0CAgQ_AUoA2oVChMIvpHjr_TsxgIVxzmICh1LjQDo&dpr=1.5
"kama'aina" is so accurate that it makes me wonder what the author held back because of me. I feel genuinely bad. Really wish I had at least phrased things more nicely somehow.
6230109 To be fair, (or is it unfair?) it wouldn't have been hard to guess that one right. Broken clocks, right?
I hate to do this, I know I shouldn't, but this is a big one.
Copying dialogue verbatim was because the scene had occurred more or less exactly as written, as has been the case with many entries, and I was describing that scene. The flashbacks are no more plagarism than I already committed by the decision to write a direct sequel.
I'm really not comfortable having a charge like "plagiarism" on the table.
Mango Leaf's Author
The two stories present fairly different views of Mango Leaf. In the first story, Mango is overenthusiastic about his love for Summer and has no reservations about proposing marriage relatively shortly after meeting her. In the second story, Mango is more discrete about his romantic feeling for Haystacks and the story is about Mango trying to find the courage to admit his feelings to Haystacks. Although Mango's story fits more with the previous portrayals of his character (no surprise there given Mango's author wrote most of them), the character sheet does not really favor one interpretation over the other.
Summer Heat's story this round, however, was a bit too ambitious in its goals, and it tried to fit too many events into too small of a word count. The pacing of the story feels really choppy given that it switches scenes too often. Between the choppiness of the story and the meta aspects, it was hard to really feel immersed in this story. Plus, by basing your story off of Haystacks' you invite comparison to his story, and the chemistry between Haystacks and Mango Leaf was much better in that piece than in this one.
Mango Leaf's story, on the other hand, was much more focused in its theme and execution. If I had to point out one flaw with the story is that it's somewhat predictable, with the framing story essentially giving away what's going to happen between Summer and Mango. That said, the story does do a good job of showing how different aspects of his personality cause problems in his dealings with Summer. The story doesn't delve much into Summer's character, but the Love Lock at the end does give some tantalizing hints as to how the events of the story affected her.
Mango Leaf's Author
Both authors' stories were a great read and I congratulate them both.
But in Summer's story - SO MUCH DOUBLE-ENTENDRE!!!
Still, I chose Mango Leaf's Author's story because it really had much more of the Summer Heat I read in the OC Compendium. In the second story she was somewhat of a secondary character and completely overshadowed by the tension of Mango trying to get his needle into the... well, you know what I mean.
Also, in the second story, the scene at Mango's house really left me feeling like "Hunh?! They both backed out because the couch caught fire? Shouldn't it be the opposite? (Holy excess friction, Batman!) Seriously, though, that kinda fell flat after all the buildup. Summer Heat's Author could have put a bit more thought into what kept the two stallions apart before the expected air-shipping finale!
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I'm still mulling over my vote on this one, but I felt the need throw my two cents into this plagiarism issue. Normally I try to avoid the drama, but this is just silly.
Plagiarism is a buzz word that can be easy to throw around. But while plagiarism is a severely muddy issue—especially when you get into plagiarizing ideas which, thankfully, we aren't—it does have a proper definition. Any formal definition will tell you that plagiarism is the wrongful appropriation of someone else's work or ideas—that is to say, passing off someone else's work or idea as your own. Under this definition, there's no case to be made against Summer's author because they never claimed that work was theirs. The offending passage was very clearly intended as a reference to Haystacks's author's last entry. Summer's author believed that anyone reading this story would likely have knowledge of the previous rounds and have read Haystacks's story, so there's no way anyone would mistake it as an original passage here. It's an entirely fair assumption that anyone reading the stories in the quarterfinals is familiar with the rest of the contest and will recognize a reference to a previous round when they see it. Summer's author is far from the first to do this—they're just the first to put in a verbatim reference, but it's still completely justifiable as a flashback.
In essence, accusing Summer's author of plagiarism is the same as accusing it of anyone on the site who's ever appropriated an idea from the show into one of their stories, or written a scene from the show verbatim to serve their story. If you're reading a story on this site, it's kind of understood that you've seen a reasonable amount of the show and will recognize things from the show, so no citation is needed and it's not plagiarism. The source reference is implicit.
Do I think it was a good thing for Summer's author to do? No, I don't. I can see why they included it for the purposes of the story, but they should've considered that Haystacks's author would quite likely end up reading this story and might be offended at the recontextualization of that scene, especially with the dialogue written verbatim. There were other ways Summer's author could've pulled this off, and they probably should've pursued one of those instead. But by no definition does this count as plagiarism. It just doesn't.
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You know, I had that first definition of plagiarism in mind when I said it, taking "wrongfully" to here mean "without permission" and the other issues I'd had with it, but you're right.
6230225
Summer's author: I apologize for jumping to the p-word. I still think what you did was in very poor taste, but it seems I'm also guilty of writing something without thinking hard enough on how it would be taken. It looks like I (might have?) cost you one vote already, and I'm sorry for that, too.
MANGO LEAF’S AUTHOR
Honestly, they're on equal terms as stories. I'm voting for the one I want to see continued, since Summer's really isn't about her and we won't get to see what happens next with Mango and Haystacks. But really, nothing to be ashamed of whatsoever, this was yet another great round. :D
Mango Leaf vs. Summer Heat
Liked: This is one of the boldest entries yet. I’m really invested in Mango’s relationship with Gillette, and I loved the shout-outs to Luster Lock and Candy Cane.
Disliked: Uhh, buh… You had a couple typos! “held in it’s shackle”! For shame!
Playing It Straight
Liked: Shipping Mango and Haystacks was also bold, and I love it.
Disliked: Darnit, I wish you’d given more lip service to Haystacks’ history with Minie Ball. D: Cuz it almost seemed like you were headed in that direction.
Summer Heat's Author
I wanted to leave longform comments for each of my votes—like I did for Luster vs. Lilligold—but I've been super busy and under a lot of stress, and frankly a lot of what I could say has already been said better than I could say it. So hopefully this'll suffice!
Mango's story was exceptionally cute. Actually, scratch that: Mango's series has been exceptionally cute. A few authors have tried to string their entries into some sort of continuity, but I think Mango's author has been the most successful by far. It flows so naturally together. And as for this story, it might well be my favourite story from Mango's author yet. It's charming, uses Summer Heat to great effect, and is a lot less jumpy than Mango's previous entries. On the downside, Mango's author has played things relatively safe, and that's to their detriment in this case. The whole series of events felt a bit too predictable to me, and we've seen Mango's author pull off slice of life stuff well enough in the past. That, combined with the noticeable mechanical issues, lost my vote here.
Summer's author, on the other hand, did something really interesting. While putting one of the core characters out of the story's focus is often detrimental, here I found it intriguing. Seeing Summer as Mango's wingpony was a really fascinating side of her, and executed really nicely. Plus, we do still get some direct focus on Summer's character in the latter half, which was a pleasant surprise. The core plot was kind of an oddball one, but I think it worked well for the most part. Some of the dialogue between Mango and Haystacks didn't flow so well, and the fire towards the end was executed pretty clunkily, but the rest of the story was great enough for me to forgive that. It was a fairly unique and dynamic story all things considered, and I gotta commend that.
Summer Heat's Author
I already expressed my opinion last round on OC flashback shipping (and sinking said ships), so I won't repeat that. I will say that of all of them so far, Mango and Summer's relationship--and the he-should-have-seen-it-coming ending--did strike me as the most plausible of the whole bunch. And I did like how not only was there a logical arc from stories which came before, but also a hint of what matchup might come.
But then we've got Summer Heat's entry on the other side, and while it's also shipping, it's not a flashback to a failure; it's hope for the future. It's also a very brave choice to kind of ignore the canon Mango Leaf's author's got going on . . . but the rules never said that you had to. So really, what it amounted to for me was two pretty well-written stories with similar themes going head-to-head . . . and I've got to vote for the (maybe) happy ending.