How Mango Leaf Stole Hearth's Warming - by Lilligold's Author
‘Twas the first week of winter in fair Canterlot.
And the snowclouds, they snowed. They snowed quite a lot.
There was chill in the air, and frost underhoof,
And icicles lining each eave of each roof.
The foals frolicked gaily, built snowponies wide,
Till the sun winked away and bade them inside
Where their parents awaited with plates of warm food
And mugs of hot cocoa. ‘Twas just the right mood!
For the essence of winter can always be found
In desserts that are warm and sleep that is sound.
But this tale, dear friends, does not start so warm.
It features a pony quite far from the norm.
A stallion who somehow had grown to despise
Those cups of hot cider and warm apple pies.
Yes, any hot food would give him a rise!
Mango Leaf walked, shopwagon in tow,
Through the coldest of nights and deepest of snow.
The smells from the homes drew a scowl to his face.
They smelled of fresh bake, which smelled of disgrace.
“Dumb winter!” he cried. “You make it so hard
to peddle my wares. My dessert avant-garde!
Why is it that this, the season of cold,
Should hinder us few who love cold tenfold?
It’s all I desire to share my dessert.
My love for this tastiest frozen yogurt!”
Mango huffed and he pouted, it just wasn’t fair!
That for three months a year he was doomed to despair.
Yet he saw no way out. Not a one. Not a bit.
It seemed that, for now, this was all. That was it.
And till spring rolled around, he might as well quit.
But then, what he saw on the street’s near’st corner
Lifted his spirits and dispelled his self-mourner.
For there, twixt decor of Hearth’s Warming glee
Was an independently owned travel agency!
“Now there’s an idea!” he said. “What a score!
Why haven’t I ever thought this up before?
I’ll travel someplace where winter’s unseen!
Someplace with sky blue, and grass evergreen!
And then, once I’m there, it’ll be time to shine!
To share my dessert that’s one of a kine!”
He strolled to the store, in through the front door,
And just ‘cross the floor stood a mare, who looked bored.
“Aloha, good mare!” said Mango mid-trot.
“I’d like to be sent someplace that is hot.
Where summer’s eternal and winter is not.”
“Uh huh,” groaned the mare in a voice not quite hers.
She slid forth a bundle of travel brochures.
“Hoofolulu?”
“Been there.”
“Palomino?”
“Done that.”
“The city of Elmshire?”
“…Now where is that at?”
“Just south of the desert, it’s really sublime.
Please can you say why we’re speaking in rhyme?”
“No can do,” Mango said. “Now I’m Elmshire-bound!
Please sell me one pass for a trip not-so-round.”
With a sigh, and a stamp, and a series of clips,
She hoofed him a pass. “That’s two hundred bits.”
His coinpurse weighed less, but his spirits were high.
With a smile and a wave, he bade her goodbye.
He stepped back out into the night, and then shivered.
“Come morning,” he said, “it’s bye-bye to this blizzard!
Look out, sunny ‘Shire, for the Great Froyo Wizard!”
***
The trip took twelve hours, from six until six.
So far as sleep went, Mango’d gotten his fix.
So rested was he for the sojourn ahead,
By the time he awoke, the sky had gone red.
As the countryside rolled like an emerald sea
Mango yawned, and he smiled. “I can’t wait to see
All the sights and delights this city might hold
So far from that nasty Equestrian cold.
But what’s more than that: I’m dying to share
My dessert so divine that none can compare!”
“Next stop: Elmshire!” the conductor proclaimed.
“Make sure when you leave that your baggage gets claimed!”
Mango grinned out the window, but something was off.
A chill coursed his veins, and he sputtered a cough,
For the city of Elmshire was covered in frost!
But not just frost. No! Also ice! Also snow!
And everything wintry that Mango did loathe!
“What?!” Mango roared. “But this can’t be right!
Where’s the heat? And the sun? And the summer so bright?!
Don’t tell me I’ve traveled so many long miles
To learn that I’ve fallen for wintertime wiles!”
He shot to the front of the train as it stopped.
The door squealed open. To the platform, he hopped.
As snowflakes danced ‘round, he glared long and hard.
He looked ‘cross the station and found a street guard.
“Hey!” Mango called as he galloped headlong.
“What’s with this snow? It has to be wrong!
I was told this is where only summertime lives,
But it’s blizzarding now. So tell me: what gives?”
The tone of his voice seemed not at all his.
The guard wore a smile. “Oh, isn’t it great?
Now we can ski! We can sled! We can skate!
All thanks to the latest of royal decrees,
Mandating the placement of everwhite trees!
One on each block, and two in town square.
Praise be to the duchess! She really does care!”
With a scoff, Mango said, “That’s completely insane!
Decreeing it winter? She’s sick in the brain!
Where is this duchess? I’ll give her my reason
Why summer should be the ultimate season.”
The guard’s mouth turned down. “I’m not sure I should.
If your word with the duchess does more harm than good…
But you seem quite earnest, and I feel divine!
So I’ll show you the palace down Parapet Line.
But first, can you say why we’re speaking in rhyme?”
***
His wagon retrieved, and a stomp in his gait,
Mango Leaf passed through the palace front gate.
In a city created of buildings aglow,
This opulent manor was star of the show.
‘Twas wider than wide, and taller than tall.
And wore enough holly to deck every hall.
The rooftops were sharp, trimmed wholly in gold,
Yet paint gone so dull, it had to be old.
But Mango cared not for aesthetics just now.
There was too much at stake—forget being wowed!
The guard led him in, up two flights of stairs,
Down six corridors, past three working mares.
At long last they came to a lavish oak door.
He knocked on it thrice, and then knocked once more.
“Duchess! A pony has asked for the floor!”
“Let them inside,” said a voice, so demure
That it straddled the line of being mature.
The door rumbled open, and Mango walked in.
A throne stood inside, a cute mare sat within.
She looked far too young to be done with school
Never mind on a throne, solitary in rule.
She smiled so coy and said, “You look strange!
Foreign, are you? From Equestria’s plains?”
Facing the mare, Mango bowed low and said,
“Actually, Duchess, I’m Haywaiian-bred.
“But that doesn’t matter. Not now, anyway.
There’s only one thing that I’ve come here to say:
I came here in search of a summer retreat
For I wish to share a great frozen sweet,
But your new decree has gotten me beat.
“I ask of you now, please lift your decree.
Take torches to ev’ry last everwhite tree,
For only in heat can you eat my dessert.
My scrumptious, fantastical frozen yogurt.”
The duchess’s mouth drew in a straight line.
She chewed on her words. She chewed for some time.
“I worried on this. On these trees. Even told
Their master—my friend, dear, sweet Lilligold—
That perhaps our fair subjects would not enjoy winter.
And now here you are, in quite a big dither.
“But my word is my bond. I will not go back.
The trees, they will stay till they’ve all fallen black.
And only one thing will alter my choice:
Hearing your plea in Lilligold’s voice.
That’s the one way you might find rejoice.”
Mango considered. The task sounded tame.
He just had to sway this Lilligold dame
To taste his sweet froyo. To taste it just once.
And surely the flavour would make the fair dunce
Relinquish her chase of the cold winter season.
She’d chop down the trees. She had to see reason!
“Miss Duchess,” he said, “just where can I find
This Lilligold mare? I might change her mind.”
“I doubt it,” said Duchess. “Her mindset is hardened.
But still, you may find her at Glimmering Gardens.”
With a smirk and a bow, Mango Leaf said,
“Thank you, Miss Duchess!” And outside he fled.
The duchess waved bye and called, “Anytime!”
She slumped in her throne, but ‘fore she reclined
she pondered, “Did all that just happen in rhyme?”
***
Road after road after serpentine road
Mango Leaf carted his heavy cartload
Of froyo supplies. And it just gained more mass
As the wheels gathered snow. This trip was not fast.
So late was the hour when he reached the store,
The red in the sky was not there anymore.
‘Twas all black and blue, great flurries blew ‘round,
The howling of gales commandeering all sound.
His bones has grown cold, his hooves had gone numb.
But he still soldier’d on. Determined, or dumb.
He hammered the door, at eleven-oh-four,
Of Glimmering Gardens: a floral-type store.
“Hello?” Mango said. “Please, let me in
This weather is brutal. It’s cold as all sin.
So open up, please, ‘fore frost bites my skin.
The shop made no sound. The windows were dark.
But someone was there, for one light did spark
On the store’s second floor, the window topmost.
And soon, to the door came the probable host.
The entry swung open, and standing inside
Was a beautiful mare who seemed beyond tired.
“Oh dear. Yes, of course. Come into my home.
Just please mind the plants. Each one is home-grown.
I’ll fetch you a blanket to help with the cold.
And in case you stay long: my name’s Lilligold.”
“And mine is Mango. So nice to meet you.”
His words came out kind. His thank-you was true.
He stepped from his cart and crossed the threshold
Into the warmth, and out of the cold,
But froze when he saw just what this shop sold.
‘Twas full up of plants. Complete as a jungle!
But each plant was strange, a natural bungle.
From flowers that glowed with ethereal light,
To pinecones that blended right into the night,
To pumpkins that floated up high like balloons,
To roses that seemed to be made of monsoons,
To cacti that burned, looked ripe to explode,
To min’ature trees making min’ature snow.
Despite his own thoughts, Mango was quite impressed
By this greenhouse that danced with such magical zest.
Lilligold came back, wool blanket in hoof,
Hot tea in her magic. So Mango’s head shook.
“No tea for me please, but thanks anyway.
I actually have something I quite need to say.
I’m afraid it can’t wait, not even one day.”
With a smile so soft, the mare said, “Of course.
Say what you will. The floor is all yours.”
Huddled deep in his blanket, Mango Leaf said,
“I’m here not by chance but by choice. From the head
Of the city, the duchess, I’ve come. Seeking you,
For this winter you’ve made has got be quite blue.
I came to this city to sell my dessert—
To share with the masses my frozen yogurt—
But no one will buy it in this kind of storm!
The sun must be up! The air must be warm!
“So here I am now. I’m begging you, please!
Take away all of your everwhite trees
And bring back the summer with radical haste.
I promise you now, it won’t be a waste.
Especially after this yogurt you taste.”
He offered a cup full of lemon-lime swirl.
He’d whipped it up prior, for meeting this girl.
Lilligold took it. Her frown was so small.
As was her frame: she’d shrunk ‘gainst the wall.
Not even licked once, she set far aside
The frozen yogurt. She heaved out a sigh.
“You speak from the heart. Of love and of passion
For this dairy treat, served in a cold fashion.
Your plight is quite sound. I’m so very sad
This winter has rendered you so very mad.
“But passions are plenty among ponykind
Perhaps you have noticed this passion of mine
To breed plants of magical manifestation.
The everwhite tree is my latest creation,
And one that I opted to share with the nation.”
“But why just that one?” Mango said with a shiver.
“What’s so compelling ‘bout a tree that brews winter?”
Lilligold fell pretty silent at that.
She looked away, petting her mane like a cat.
“The needs of the many. The needs of the few.
Which one weighs more? I ask that of you.
For many long years, Elmshire has suffered
A desolate burden: eternally summered.
The heat was a threat. I answered the call.
Now winter is here. I’m afraid that is all.”
With slack in his jaw, and cold in his brain,
Mango still found the strength to complain.
“I’ve traveled so far. I’ve worked hard and long!
I’ve come too far now to meet my swan song.
My ambition is just. It cannot be wrong…
“Can it?”
“I implore you to stay,” said fair Lilligold.
“Sleep on the thought where it’s cozy, not cold.
I think in the back, twixt soil and pots,
I have what I need to build makeshift cots.
Stay till the morn, and after sunrise
We’ll see if this winter, you still so despise.”
Mango Leaf wanted to speak, but he yawned.
So tired was he, that he could not respond
With anything else but “Fine. I will stay.
“I’ll follow your lead. Please show me the way.”
In the store’s storage room, it took little time
For Lilligold to weave a cot out of vines.
She found him some sheets, then faced him and said,
“Have a good night!” before going to bed
Not knowing the plot that had formed in his head.
***
Just one hour later, a tick past midnight,
Mango could no longer stand the dread sight
Of blizzarding blackness just outside the shop
He slid from his bed and said, “This must stop!
Elmshirites want this? They don’t even know
What they’re missing, dismissing my yummy froyo!
I’ll end this myself! Before break of dawn
Ev’ry last everwhite tree will be gone!”
He borrowed a scarf, set of boots, and a toque,
And went out to end this wintertime fluke.
An everwhite tree stood tall, and quite bright.
‘Twas a mere evergreen whose spines had gone white.
Mango beheld it and smiled quite bold.
“This should be simple, everything told.
I’m Mango Leaf: Master of Magic That’s Cold!”
With a flick of his horn, he invaded the tree,
And dismantled the magic. Internally.
Faster than fast, the everwhite withered.
And all ‘round the block, ‘twas no longer blizzard.
The cold crept away, as though it had never
Been there at all. ‘Twas spring-ishtime weather!
Mango Leaf blinked. “It’s really that easy?
This winter is weaker than even a breezy!
The city’s quite big, but I have lots of time
‘Fore anyone wakes. This season is mine!”
So Mango Leaf went, for hours and hours,
Sapping out ev’ry last everwhite’s powers.
One on each block, and two in town square,
He conquered them all with quite little care,
Restoring the summertime warmth to the air.
It took all night long, right up until eight.
And despite his exhaustion, Mango felt great!
The snow was now quickly succumbing to melt.
No ice underhoof, no chill to be felt.
The horizon grew light. Daybreak would come soon.
And Mango would be there the whole afternoon
In Elmshire Square, shopwagon in tow,
Prepared to deliver his own brand of snow!
His sole motivation. His chilly dessert.
At last he could dole out his frozen yogurt!
As Mango prepared all his treats to be sold,
He couldn’t help but to recall Lilligold.
His heart did a twist. He felt a bit bad.
But then he said, “Sure, I guess she’ll be mad.
But only till she tastes my froyo so rad!”
***
When ponies awoke and greeted the day,
They all looked confused. Confused sans-pareil.
They flooded town square, looking quite like a mob.
And, in total sync, they spat, “We’ve been robbed!
Where is our winter?! Is this some big coup?!
Where are the trees?! And just who are you?!”
With a humbling grin, and his cart open wide,
Mango Leaf shouted, “It’s Froyo Riptide!
I’ve cleaned away winter! Now who will be first
To sample my buffet of frozen yogurts?”
The ponies all roared, and raised their hooves high.
But before they attacked, the duchess arrived.
A phalanx of street guards put halt to the din.
With voice so serene, and mouth lined so thin
The Duchess of Elmshire commanded, “Seize him.”
Mango Leaf paled as the guards all advanced.
Tired as he was, he stood not a chance.
“You don’t understand!” His effort, last-ditch.
“I had to perform this seasonal switch!
I wanted to share my treat so divine!
My frozen yogurt is—”
“Save it, fruit rind,”
Said a guard. “You’re causing a lot of unrest.
By Law of the Duchess, you’re under—”
“Wait!”
The world went silent, and everyone turned
To the voice that every last pony had heard.
‘Twas Lilligold there! She stepped through the crowd
And right past the duchess, who made herself loud,
“Guards! Step away! May her path be allowed!”
The guards cleared away, leaving Mango alone.
As Lilligold neared, his gut turned to stone.
But ‘fore he could speak even one single line
Lilligold said, “One, please. Lemon-lime.
I never did try that dessert yesterday.
Can it be truly as good as you say?
By… killing my trees, you’ve cut me quite deep,
And hurt our fair town by the winter you reaped.
What led you to that, it must be quite nice.
So one yogurt please. Served overtop ice.”
As silence ensued, Mango Leaf stared
Into Lilligold’s eyes, and the hurt that lay there.
A lump in his throat, and guilt in his eyes,
He set slow to work with his froyo supplies.
And when he was done, the silence reprised.
He hoofed her a cup of dessert, yellow-green.
She lifted it up with her magic white sheen.
And with her first bite, she managed a smile.
The first one that Mango had seen in a while.
A smile of someone who, for the first time,
Had tried his dessert, and found it sublime.
Lilligold said, “It’s really quite good.
Quite good indeed. Your plight’s understood.
I’ll speak with the duchess. You will not be chained.
But please.” Her voice cracked. “Don’t come near me again.”
She teared up her eyes, turned tail, and ran,
Once more leaving Mango alone with his stand.
He looked to the crowd, and found only hate.
He looked to the duchess and saw nothing great.
He saw Lilligold, and shouted, “Please wait!”
To his full surprise, the mare really stopped.
Mango picked up the froyo she had dropped.
He tossed it aside to the slush-laden quarry.
He bellowed a cry. He bellowed, “I’m sorry!
There isn’t a treat in the world worth this.
This stunt that I pulled was completely remiss.
It was selfish of me. The only way I could see
To share with this city my froyoing glee.
But my plan was so wrong! Reckless and dumb!
Should’ve left you alone to your wintertime fun.
“If you’ll let me, I would like to help you rebuild
Those everwhite trees. I’ll stay till we’ve filled
This city to bursting with ice and with snow.
It’s the least I can do in an effort to show
My truest remorse for stooping so low.”
A pause. A long pause, where Lilligold stood
With her back facing Mango, which couldn’t be good.
She turned to the duchess and spoke in hushed tones.
Her eyes were not dry. Her words were unknowns.
The duchess replied, with a smile quite clear.
Though that did quite little to bide Mango’s fear.
Lilligold turned with the smallest of sighs
In a voice barely there: “Your insight is wise.
It would be rather nice if you help my trees live.
Indeed, a good step on the road to forgive…
“…ness.”
***
Several weeks later, Mango Leaf found himself on a frosty metal bench in Elmshire’s market district. As far as he could see, he was the only pony not wearing winter clothes. Somehow, that made him smile. He took a bite of agave froyo and looked around.
The everwhite trees were back in full force. He’d never taken the time to appreciate how they gleamed in the sun like great marble spires. They were really quite beautiful, despite the surrounding weather. But even the weather wasn’t so bad. Mango had helped Lilligold refine some of her spellwork to prevent the trees from making it too cold or too windy. It was winter, but it was an optimized winter.
“Aha! There you are!” He turned and saw Lilligold trotting up. She smiled, wearing a full set of pink winter clothes.
“Aw, shoot,” Mango said. “I hate goodbyes.” He smiled anyway.
Lilligold settled in next to him and said, “You’re not getting away that easy!”
“Ha, shoulda figured.” He offered her a spoonful of yogurt. “Agave?”
She took the spoon and wordlessly set it in her mouth. A gentle silence fell between them, broken only by the crunchy hoofsteps of passersby in the snow. Eventually, Lilligold dipped her head and whispered. “I… really feel like I owe you an apology.”
Mango nearly did a spit-take. He chortled and said, “You’re kidding me, right? After everything I did, you owe me an apology? Ha!” When Lilligold’s face remained straight, Mango let his smile fall. “What for?”
“Well…” She looked up at a nearby everwhite. “What you did was certainly wrong, but your heart was in the right place. You just wanted to share your joy with ponies, and you tried to do that the only way you saw how.” She broke her stare and looked Mango in the eyes—something she rarely did. “No matter how misguided your goal, I should’ve recognized your intent. Perhaps my fault was lesser, but… Regardless, I’m sorry.”
“Pfft, you think I’m that sensitive, girl?” Mango waved her off. “Nah. I goofed up big time. Of course, no one’s perfect, so I’ll take that as an apology for not being perfect and we’ll call it even, yeah?”
Despite herself, Lilligold giggled. “You are so strange.”
“Just learning this now?” Mango laughed heartily, and Lilligold joined.. It was quite a peculiar sight: two ponies smiling as they shared frozen yogurt in subzero weather. It was strange, but then so was the city, and so were the ponies.
Lilligold glanced up at the nearest clock tower—just five minutes until Mango left for his train back home. “Well, before we say goodbye,” she said, “I do have one last question.”
“Shoot,” Mango said.
Clearing her throat loudly, Lilligold said:
“Your company’s nice, I quite liked our time.
But why did so much of it happen in rhyme?”
Mango Leaf vs. Lilligold - by Mango Leaf's Author
Welcome to Glimmering Gardens!
At this time, we are:CLOSED
HOURS OF OPERATION:
Mon-Fri: 9AM-6PM
Sat-Sun: 9AM-1PM
(Closed on Holidays)
He knocked on the door once more, but got the exact same result as before:
The entrance to Glimmering Gardens was still locked, the lights were still off, and the shutters down.
Mango squinted at the sign and looked over to a nearby clocktower. It was already eleven in the morning, and there had been no sign of Lilligold. He had even arrived an hour earlier, thinking that Lilligold would already be hard at work with her flowers, but it appeared that her friend's shop would not be opening its doors at all.
It was even worse because he had the nagging feeling that somepony was inside. Whether it was Lilligold or somepony else was anyone's guess. But whoever it was, they were clearly not answering the door for anypony.
Frowning, Mango looked down at the envelope in his hoof. It was plain white, with Lilligold’s name on it in a stylized golden writing. Gillette had wanted to just mail the invitation and arrange for flowers from home, but Mango had insisted that it'd be much better to talk to his friend in person since he had to go on that route with his Froyo Cart anyway, and after some whining, she had relented.
Now... he wondered if he'd be able to do either. He grimaced, put the invitation in his saddlebag, and started walking away. The nagging feeling returned, and he turned around and looked up at the top of Glimmering Gardens, where one of the curtains had shifted. He caught a glimpse of a silvery mane and smirked.
His horn glowed and an ethereal hoof materialized just outside the window, knocking on it three times before dispersing. "Lilligold! Open up, it's Mango!" he called. "Come on, I know you're in there! Don't you have time for old friends?"
For a moment, he thought she wasn't going to answer, but the windows opened up with a familiar turquoise aura enveloping them. Lilligold leaned out of the window, blinking in the sunlight. "Mango Leaf?" she asked, looking down at the grinning unicorn below. "Is that really you?"
"The one and only!" Mango waved at her. "How about you open the door and we can talk a bit more in person?"
Lilligold hesitated, looking down to her store before taking a deep breath and nodding. "I'll be right there, give me just a minute."
"Sure thing!"
Mango walked up to the door and waited patiently, glancing around the street. Although the outskirts of Elmshire were much more rural-looking than the center of the city would have indicated, it had a slightly medieval charm from its short, stone-made fences and tiny, manicured front lawns. Mango enjoyed the view every time, and although the last hour had mostly inoculated him to the charms of the local houses and shops for the foreseeable future, he still wouldn't deny that it was a very beautiful place.
The door behind him rattled and he could hear the locks slide undone one by one. Just as he turned to face it, the door swung slowly open, just enough for one pony to fit through. Mango did just that.
The first thing he noticed was that the lights were still off, and it took his eyes a moment to adjust from the bright light outside to the gloom inside Glimmering Gardens. When he was finally able to see, he couldn't help but gasp. The place was downright dreary. Where Lilligold's shop had had a vibrant, loving energy before, now that seemed to be gone. There were no plants on display, and the signs above each shelf where potted plants would be simply hung in place as almost ghostly reminders of what had once been there.
"What happened here?" Mango asked, looking at the dusty shelves, the empty pots and the cobweb that stretched from the corner of the cash register to the table. "Lilli this place looks like you abandoned it completely!"
Lilligold shifted in place, refusing to meet his eyes. "I-I just..." She slouched and looked up at him with watery, begging eyes. "S-so, what brings you to Elmshire, M-Mango? I-I thought you had enough fresh spices for your experiments?"
Mango's smile thinned at the obvious change of topic, but indulged her. "Well, I had two things in mind, actually... Uh, well, first of all, here!" He levitated the invitation over to Lilligold.
She smiled a little when she read the contents."You're getting married? That's fantastic! Congratulations, Mango!" Her face immediately fell and her eyes widened. "Oh. Oh no, you... came here to buy flowers from me for your wedding?"
"And to invite you," Mango added. "I was hoping to get a couple of your flowers to make a Family Garden, like the one we talked about all those years ago. You know, the one where we plant a long-lived flower for each family member? Gillette thought it was an amazing idea."
"O-oh," Lilligold visibly tried to smile again. "That's g-great, I'm just not..." She trailed off, looking regretfully at the state of her store. "I just can't."
"Okay."
"Meep!" Lilligold squeaked in surprise and indignation as Mango suddenly levitated her.
She held the wedding invitation to her chest as they made their way upstairs to her home. She glowered at him as he floated her further into the apartment, and she crossed her forelegs defensively when he slowly lowered her onto a chair.
Mango blinked when he noticed her table was covered in crumpled papers and closed notebooks. He knew better than to push his luck and attempt to read anything, but the fact that they were all out and on display like that...
"So... you've been writing much?"
Lilligold looked away and her magic shoved a notebook onto his chest, so suddenly that he barely caught it. "Are you sure you want me to look? I know ho—"
"It's okay," she interrupted.
Shrugging, Mango sat down across from her and opened the notebook. His eyes roamed over the page and then he flipped over to the next, and then the next, a frown slowly deepening. "Um, are you sure you gave me the right one?"
Lilligold nodded.
"But... there's nothing here!"
Lilligold nodded.
"Lilli, what's wrong?" Mango asked, closing the notebook and using his magic to organize the table a little. He could tell some of the crumpled papers had writing on it, so he was careful not to open them or look at their contents if they were exposed.
"Nothing," Lilli answered, carefully placing her wedding invitation on top of the table. "I'm fine."
"Lilligold," Mango sighed. "It's very clear that there is a problem. Why won't you tell me? We've know each other what, five years now? Six?"
When she didn't answer, he reached across the table and placed a hoof on top of hers.
"No flowers? No writing?" Mango shook his head. "That's not normal. It's like Haystacks not being the perfect host. It just doesn't happen."
"Oh," Lilligold perked up. "You saw Haystacks?"
"Don't change the subject," Mango smirked, leaning back. "And yes, I also brought you a picture of him."
Lilligold blushed an adorable, deeper pink. "T-thank you."
"But," Mango continued, "You won't be getting it until you tell me what happened."
Lilligold shot him the dirtiest look she was capable of as she fidgeted in place, clearly struggling with herself. Finally, she let loose a long breath before reluctantly nodding. "Okay," she whispered, before raising her angry eyes to Mango. "But you have to give it to me now," she added with a much stronger voice.
Mango grinned and levitated the picture out, only for Lilligold to snatch it with her own magic and bringing it up to float in front of her. Her hooves came up to her mouth and she whimpered adorably.
"Now, now," Mango chided. "You can have all the time you want with the Haystacks picture, but you did promise that you'd tell me what the problem is."
Lilligold rolled her eyes and stood up, walking into her room for a moment, before returning without the picture. It had been replaced by a magazine, which she dropped on top of the table. Mango blinked and looked down at it, noticing that it had a picture of the front of Glimmering Gardens on the cover.
The title for the cover story read: "The Most Wonderful Flower of All", and Mango quickly found the article itself inside. It took him a few moments to read through and look across the table at Lilli. "This is great! Wow, Lilli, I wish I could get a review like this one on my Froyo!"
"No, you don't," Lilli muttered.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"You don't!" Lilligold spoke up, looking up fiercely at Mango. "You don't! I never wanted my store to be famous! I just wanted to grow my beautiful plants and make Equestria a prettier place with them! I used to love helping ponies with their parties and weddings and events but when that—that thing came out, I just was crowded by ponies that didn't care about them! They would only buy the most expensive ones all the time a-and they they would come back and tell me they had let them die and then they would just want more!"
As she spoke, her eyes had slowly started trickling tears. "And that's not the worse thing! I was so distracted I-I just I just couldn't keep track of my own plants and I completely forgot to water and care for my Shimmering Daisies a-and they died!"
She started crying in earnest, sinking down on her seat and burying her head on her crossed forelegs on top of the table.
Mango sat speechless for a few moments before walking around and placing a comforting hoof on her shoulder. "Shh, it's okay Lilli, you—"
"It's not okay!" she retorted, sniffling. "I realized that I had no business growing plants," she said, sniffling. "Anypony that knows how to take care of them wouldn't have let it happen!"
"Come on, Lillli," Mango insisted, "You were just overworked, it can happen to anypony."
"If I was better at what I do it wouldn't have happened!" Lilligold retorted. "I was wrong! I have no talent for this!"
Mango grimaced before an I idea formed in his mind. He gently prodded her until she stood up. "Come on, Lilli, let's take a walk, I’ll make you some froyo, and we won’t have to think about this for a while, okay?"
Lilligold gave him a curious look, but nodded, using the back of her hoof to dry her eyes. "S-sure, just let me clean up," she said, heading to the restroom.
Mango nodded, walking to the window and looking outside as he tried to figure out how to get his idea to work.
"So you're trying to figure out new flavors for Froyo?" Lilligold asked, tilting her head to look at Mango, who nodded.
The walk to the open market was already having an effect on Lilli; she seemed more energized, and her drooping slouch slowly returned to her natural, relaxed look. She wasn't flinching so consistently, nor had she stammered again or burst into tears. Just as Mango had expected, she had desperately needed to get out into the sunlight.
"Just like a flower," he whispered.
"What was that?"
"Oh, sorry, I was just thinking aloud... but the answer to your question is yes. I feel like I've gotten a bit complacent with the flavors I have in stock, so I'm thinking maybe other edible toppings that I haven't used before could work!"
He gazed at the market, with a very attentive Lilligold clinging to his words with more and more interest as he talked about his favorite topic, all signs of her earlier depression slowly fading away as she got infected by his enthusiasm.
"Imagine all the flavors we could discover just in there! Ingredients I never thought about! Combinations that will create that umami that confounds the senses and yet makes us want more! Or a mixture of spices that will bring out the sweetness of other ingredients that I already use!" He grinned, bumping shoulders with Lilligold. "Imagine the faces of ponies when they discover cold foods that surprise them with unknown, delicious flavors and leave them speechless!"
Lilligold giggled. "You are too much, Mango."
Mango Leaf's grin didn't diminish. "It's my passion! There's nothing else I'd rather do. Even if my cutie mark changed magically into something different, I'd never stop loving this!"
"Hm," Lilligold nodded. Mango could imagine her mind working on possibilities as her imagination fueled possible flavors and presentations. Just the act of thinking about something slightly challenging had her already trotting around with new vigor. "What toppings are we talking about here?"
Mango hummed. "Well, the one thing I've never seen done is adding flowers to Froyo. Most of the time it's fruits and even vegetables, or some sort of candy... but why not add some of our traditional foods to it? Besides it tasting delicious, I'm sure the look of the finished product would be very original!"
"Ooh! I like that!" Lilligold tittered. "I wish I had brought my notebook to write down ideas! Are you going to use spells on the ingredients too?"
Mango nodded. "Well, yes, some of the ideas I had were flowers... and for them to look good and keep their taste profile and their texture, I would definitely need to develop some spells... I'm not very good with those, but I imagine one of the spells for conserving fruits should work just fine."
"Oh no, you don't!" Lilligold gasped. "That would be a terrible idea!" Her head whipped around, looking among the vendors until she saw a scroll maker. Without even pausing, she levitated a scroll and a pencil and dropped a few bits on the vendor's table. Immediately she started scribbling down notes and comparison charts.
"Petals are very delicate! If you use anything, it would have to be something like the spell you used to keep that vanilla cloud from dispersing!" Already she had a formula slowly evolving on the scroll, and she made corrections on it as she spoke. "The problem is going to be the texture, as I'm sure you would know!"
The pair paused next to a wall where she displayed her calculations. "The cold would wilt them and the yogurt would make them too soggy. We need to combine the cloud spell with something that will basically repel the other elements from affecting it until it's being chewed on!"
"I see... so, would I use the same spell if I used daisies or rose petals?"
"The rose petals are a bit more resistant to the cold, so the spell for daisies would be perfect for either, however you wouldn't want to use the same strength for cherry blossoms, those would need a stronger protection to keep consistency all through the experience."
By then they had arrived at a stall with several consumable flowers and the pair appraised them briefly. "So, what should I look for when I buy them as ingredients?" Mango asked.
"The color, of course. The more vibrant the better... make sure to check the tips of the petals for any sign of wilting... it doesn't mean it will taste bad but it will definitely give you a good idea of how long you have before it's too late to use them." Lilligold started writing what she said on the scroll.
"I'll give you the scroll so you can get the spell and the tips more easily," she muttered as she wrote. "Make sure to ask where they originate from and what sort of earth was used when planting them. You might not think it but flowers can be a bit more bitter or sweet depending on whether they were found in the wild or what kind of fertilizer was used on them."
Mango chuckled. "Well, I'm glad I came to the Equestrian authority on Botanical Cuisine!"
Lilligold blushed. "Oh, you know I'm not the Equestrian authority it's just my..." She trailed off, looking back at the flowers on display. "My passion."
"And that is what makes you the authority on it." Mango smiled.
Lilligold shook her head, looking from the flowers to her notes to Mango. "Don't push it mister. I know what you did."
Mango chuckled, but didn't deny anything.
Lilligold took a deep breath, and looked at the flowers. "I just... don't know if I could handle it if it happened again."
"You can," Mango said nudging her so that they could continue walking. "You just weren't expecting it. Anypony can get overwhelmed, right?"
Lilligold giggled. "They can. Yes. Just like that one time when—"
"Hey," Mango interrupted, pretending and failing to look serious. "If you're thinking about the time I think you're thinking about, remember we promised to never talk about it again."
Lilligold grinned. "Spinach."
"Hey!"
Mango Leaf levitated the last pot into place and stepped back, overlooking their work. The dust had been swept away, the counters cleaned, and every pot had been filled with new rich earth and a seed planted by Lilligold herself.
"This is looking a lot better!" he called out, turning to Lilli, who was just in the process of pulling up the curtains to let the sunlight in. "You'll be back on track in no time at all."
Lilligold walked up to him and took a look around sighing in content. "Yes. A bit of time and magic... but I'll definitely have the flowers for your wedding."
Mango's smile couldn't be bigger. "I look forward to seeing you there, and thank you, I couldn't think of anypony else to ask for such a thing."
Lilligold's laugh was almost an additional ray of sunshine. "Oh Mango, never change."
Mango pulled Lilligold into a hug and hoof bumped her before heading to the door. Once he reached it he stopped and looked over his shoulder. "Oh, and by the way, I'm not the only one looking forward to seeing you there."
Lilligold rolled her eyes. "You already told me Gillette wanted to meet me. She sounds like a wonderful mare, Mango. I'm sure we'll be good friends too."
Mango's smile turned into a smirk. "Oh, I have no doubt. But I wasn't talking about her. I did mention you to Haystacks, you know?"
He watched in satisfaction as Lilligold's eyes widened.
"I even showed him a picture. He think's you're cu—"
"Okay! Okay! I'll be there, but for the love of Celestia please stop teasing me!"
Mango winked. "Never."
The End
Lilligold's Author
Going for a poem is pretty brave, considering what happened to the last author who tried it. However, unlike the last one, this one managed to tell a compelling story and explore the OCs and their interactions well. This, plus the fact that it reads much more smoothly and naturally than the other story, places it in the lead for me.
Mango's Author
Lilligold's story is pretty good, and the poem-y thing is very brave too. I think though that it fell flat in the end when it switched to regular prose and the whole thing just fell from there. The gag about them not knowing why they were only speaking in rhyme was funny when they were doing it, but the shift to prose just suddenly shifted my perception of Mango's character, whose rhythm had been established in a very interesting way by the rhymes. In contrast, the whole last part is... well, dull. Not bad. Just doesn't live up to it. Won't be surprised if the votes go this way due to it mostly being different rather than better.
Mango's is consistent, although not terribly challenging in the approach. However, the story is simple, contained and effective. We get the whole reason for him being there, there's again that thing Mango does with establishing prior connections with other ponies and that meta-universe thing that he has going on as well. We also get to see what Lilligold's problem actually is, explore a little bit about her passions, see her intelligence and her drive come back up. Also, potential shipping with Haystacks if the two were to meet.
A tough call, with plenty of humor in both, although mechanically the second is better. Anyway. Still annoyed at the whole DQ thing so I'll leave it at this.
Lillygold's Author
The plot was amazing, the dialogue a gas
With humor so funny I laughed off my ass!
The atmosphere was as if Dr. Seuss,
met Lauren Faust and those two got loose,
Writing stanzas and couplets of ponies most fine,
Who for some reason always did speak out in rhyme!
Lilligold's Author
When I first saw the prose, I was filled with despair,
But such worry was unfounded, for this entry is a breath of fresh air.
Where Rachis' author failed, Lilligold's succeeds,
The story, the characters, the imagery, all clear as can be.
A poem is best when all is easy to understand,
And such is the case here, for which I clap my hands.
Lilligold's author followed the contest's parameters well,
Great characterization and story quality are abound,
Which is nothing if not swell,
Unless I've stumbled into a world where all is turned around.
Mango Leaf's author, I appreciate your story too,
But recycling techniques is such a bore,
So here's some advice from me to you,
Which is to let your creative talents soar!
6309537
Unfortunately I fell victim to a time crunch, hence the prose at the end. I literally probably wouldn't have submitted on time if I'd tried to end it in rhyme. You're right, though. The prose doesn't fit well, and I feel it's the weakest thing I've written in a long time. Glad you liked the humor, though! I've never been good with comedy.
Also:
I sincerely hope people vote for the better story, not for the gimmick. This just happens to be the format I think my story works best in (I tried it in prose, and it flopped pretty hard).
Mango Leaf's Author
So.
Lilligold thinks she can succeed where I failed, huh? That's pretty gutsy, actually, since being a poem alone lost my last entry a lot of votes. So did Lilligold's author nail it? Well, you can see my vote up top already.
This is gonna be another one I stand by steadfastly. This seems to happen a lot with Lilligold for me, either for or against her. In this case, her creative choices and execution were a little iffy throughout, and the story left me frowning. On top of that, her opponent did a pretty great job with both characters, and brought them together nicely with no major problems.
Lilligold's does have problems. The metering... First of all, stanzas of ten and five lines each is a weird format. AABB rhyming doesn't quite fit with odd numbers, and my mind kept wanting to rhyme the wrong lines together. And the beats were off more often than not, but I'll leave that explanation to Burraku and sum up my feelings by saying I gave up on looking at it as poetry about halfway through, and just focused on the story.
And that asked a little too much of me, I think upon reflection. I keep trying to think of nice things to say about it, but they're being crowded out by the not-so-nice things that are clamoring to be said. So let's let them burn out and then we'll see what's left. (Wow, I sound mean. I'm really sorry, I didn't hate your story at all, it's just coming out that way. I just got home from a night shift, so I'm a bit out of it. I'll try to be nicer.)
So my biggest problem outside of the poetry was the characterization. Lilligold wants to bring winter to Elmshire with her plants? Okay, I guess. She's nice enough to want to help, but I do question how the stay-out-of-the-spotlight part of her feels about volunteering in front of the whole town like that. This is Lilligold's author, so I guess they know her best. Mango wants to clear out all the winter-y trees so people will want his froyo? Selfish to the point of narcissism when you really think about it. And his plan was not thought through at all. No surprise when they tried to arrest him, and frankly I was happy they did. And I don't think that's a good thing to feel about Mango Leaf. I loved him as a character everywhere else, but here he has a plan and motivation worthy of a cheap villain. He barely redeems himself after, in my opinion.
By the way, why did I read "If your froyo is good enough, I won't press charges" between the lines of that climax? How is that a logical thought to be had? The quality of his dessert has nothing to do with the justifications of his actions. Even if it wasn't all that great, he might still want to sell it just as badly.
One thing to note for any of you who haven't tried writing a story as a poem: you're a slave to your medium. If you want to write something in prose, you just write it. If you want to write something in a poem, you have to make it fit, both with the rhyming and the metering, and in the Slamjam, also the word count limit. Some things just can't make it in. I had that problem with Rachis, and I think I can see where Lilligold's author has it. The biggest example to my mind is the complete lack of reaction from Mango to the townsponies being mad at him. He was totally expecting them to want his froyo now (for whatever reason...), but instead they mob him and want to arrest him? He should be feeling something! He should be shocked, or angry, or something, but we don't get to see it. I understand why it might not have made it in, but it's really needed.
So Lilligold forgives him in public, but asks him to stay away from her? I'm still doubting her confidence in the spotlight, now more than ever. I get that she's nice and forgiving, but I would approve a little more of a Lilligold that lets her emotions decide her actions instead of this one, based on my understanding of the character.
Lastly, why is there a random section of prose at the end? Did you just give up on the rhyming? There's not really any point to it.
Again, I'm really sorry. Somehow you caught me in "Brutal Honesty" reviewing mode instead of the usual "Oblivious Optimism" mode. To be honest, I was only consciously thinking about half of all that as I read. The rest is just me finding frayed edges upon closer examination and unraveling them completely just because I can.
I did like the choice to go with a poem (mostly because you read mine and saw what happened to it, and went for it anyway. It almost feels like a nod to me, if I may say so, and I'm a little bit flattered by that. Maybe you weren't thinking of me at all, and maybe I'm just a self-absorbed squid), and I liked the holiday feel to it. Almost Seuss-ish. The Duchess, such as she was, was a good addition to the story. In all honesty, that stuff I pointed out before didn't bug me that much, and if Mango hadn't been as good as he was, I would've been okay with voting for you.
But Mango was really good. Again we're reminded that Mango is somehow old friends with everyone (except Rachis. Hmmm...). I really want to know what history Lilligold has with Mango and Haystacks.
I really loved Lilligold's conflict. Her description of her problems and her feelings about everything let me really empathize with her, something that I've never brought myself to do so far. Everyone could see Mango's attempt to cheer her up a mile away, including Lilligold, and I think that worked out very well. It still worked, even though she knew what he was doing. And since I also knew what he was doing, it worked on me, too.
The solution itself, of using flowers as froyo toppings, was pretty darn elegant. It was so effective both for reminding Lilligold of her passion and for helping Mango's business that it never felt like he was doing them both on purpose, even though he clearly was. I'm not explaining that very well, but I think most people felt something similar reading that.
Anyway, I voted Mango because I thought it was his best story so far. No comedy, but no flashbacks and no pidgin. Great characterization and great story.
6309725 Might as well get the discussion started, since we can concentrate all our attention on this one matchup.
So, Raz, I'm gonna say I disagree with you on both Lilligold's characterization being a strength and Mango recycling old techniques. I've covered my issues with the characterization already, but you might want to go back and take a look at Mango's previous entries again if you think this is more of the same. This almost feels like a completely different author. In fact, in terms of sheer creativity, I would say his previous entries far outstrip this one. It's not something he needs to try, it's something he's avoiding because he's done it every time before. This is his most unique entry yet.
Glad to have you participating again, by the way.
Lilligold's Author
Alright. This is gonna be a weird vote to qualify, because I actually have more problems with Lilligold's story than with Mango's, but I also have more things I like about Lilligold's than about Mango's. Long story short, Mango's author didn't do enough to win my vote.
I'll try to explain. Mango's author's story is a very nice, natural slice of life. Both Mango and Lilligold were pretty well done as characters, I liked the fact that they were friends beforehand, the method of bringing them together was predictable but effective, and the conflict at hand was decent enough. I do think the way Lilligold reacted to the situation was a bit off-character—especially comparing it to what we know about her character from Round 2 with Price Back—but it was so barely off-character that I wouldn't even mention it were this not the semifinals. Still, on the whole it was a nice, cute story.
But, well, that's all it was.
My biggest qualm with Mango's author's story was that, despite being the shorter of the two pieces (I think. It's hard to tell with Lilligold's format), it failed to keep my attention. As I read it I kept thinking, "This is nice, but we've seen this before. It's cute, but there's nothing really new here." I don't personally put a lot of stock in the idea that Mango going with another slice of life was a bad thing—it's clearly a strong suit, so why not keep going with it? But I just feel that this far into the competition, you have to really push these characters to their breaking points. We've seen Mango Leaf as the affable, easygoing, insightful friend. We've seen Lilligold as the nervous, anxiety-ridden, heart-of-gold shopkeeper. And, granted, there's only so far you can go from these characterizations before the characters aren't themselves anymore, but I feel like the envelope needs to be pushed a little. Think Luster vs. Lilligold in the quarterfinals—both authors did it right there.
So, in the end, this probably would've won my vote in an earlier round, or if Lilligold's author had really messed up, but as a semifinals contender, it doesn't do enough for me.
And that brings me to Lilligold's story…
So, let's get the elephant in the room out of the way. I really enjoyed the rhyming. No, it wasn't perfect, and yeah, the breakdown into prose at the end wasn't the greatest, but on the whole I think it added something to the story that wouldn't have been there otherwise. It's a kind of whimsy that, in my experience, only rhyming stories like this can bring about. As I read, I was transported back to the feeling of being totally mesmerized while reading Dr. Seuss as a kid. And I have to believe that effect was intentional on the author's part, because it's too prevalent not to be. It's a very specific bit of praise, I realize, but it really hit home for me.
As far as the story goes, it could've been better. Despite what I said earlier about pushing the characters' limits, this one might've overdone it. 6310856 already went into detail on how the characters seemed off, and I agree with most of those points, but I could still see both Mango Leaf and Lilligold in these characters. There were a lot of subtle things that managed to sell me on the characterizations, like Mango not really being a bad guy or having bad intentions, but just having a really skewed mindset (for as much as I hate that prose at the end, I am glad it addressed this point), as well as Lilligold seeming really unsure pretty much all of the time, not just in dealing with Mango, but when talking about her effort with the everwhite trees to begin with. This might be me reading into things a bit, but it didn't seem like she was particularly happy about the everwhite tree project—like, she enjoyed being able to share her plants, but she'd made a sacrifice in putting herself in the spotlight for the sake of the city. It's an interesting character point, and I think it works.
The actual conflict was, all things told, pretty humorous. It's clearly an homage to The Grinch, and it pulls that off well. Strictly from a story standpoint, though, a lot of it was contrived. That was a sacrifice for the sake of the format, I get that, and the format does help pull attention away from the story's weak points, but there are still weak points. There are strong points too, though: the travel agent, the duchess, the confrontation at the end of the rhyming section. They were all good additions to the story (I'm curious on the duchess's relationship with Lilligold, by the way), and they were clearly enough to win me over.
In conclusion, Lilligold's author did a lot of things interestingly enough—interesting in the right way—to secure my vote. I've enjoyed seeing Lilligold's author never bring the same thing twice to any round. She's produced slice of life, romance, tragedy, dark, adventure, and now comedy. It's pretty impressive, in my book.
Alright! Now that that vote's over with, let's move onto… oh. That was the only round to vote on?
Oh… okay.
6311041 hm I have to wonder at the characterization point you bring up about Lilligold... wouldn't you say that turning Mango into such an extremist in Lilligold's story would merit bringing up in your analysis for a semi-final story as well? If you drop the pretense that doing a poem is better than writing prose I think the vote would have been more close than you make it sound.
I don't see it that much as a gimmick but that format does hide several problems... if it were not a poem for 95% of it, the story would not stand for itself. Not necessarily a bad thing if it had gone all the way through as a poem. It's a shame I really would have liked to see it in all is glory, had Lilligold's author been able to do it.
Gah. I miss having several stories to argue points. Discussing a single pair is going to get crowded.
(edited for clarity, since I was able to jump on a laptop)
6311206
Fair enough. Mango's characterization did weigh pretty heavily in my choice, and I should've discussed it more. I'll try to amend that here.
I do think turning Mango into such an extremist was a flaw. From what we've seen of Mango, it's pretty hard to make an argument for him being an antagonist of this magnitude. His character sheet, verbatim, says: "He is very unhappy with winter since it makes ponies not want to consume frozen products and gets pretty defensive of them." And it's a pretty big leap from that to the Mango we see in Lilligold's story. But all that said, I think it's still a reasonable attempt at trying to turn this character into an antagonist. It's a different side of Mango that hasn't been explored much in other stories, and it was interesting to see this take on it. It wasn't the best take, and I think a lot of that does have to do with Mango being a Grinch parallel in this story, but I can see that the author took steps to try and make it work, and I can appreciate that.
From all that I lauded Lilligold's story, this choice wasn't cut-and-dry for me. It wasn't as difficult a decision as Luster vs. Lilli last round, but both stories still had their merits and their pitfalls. There's a very vocal part of me that wants to vote for Mango. His story was simple, elegant, effective, and clean. But in the end, the best way I can describe it is that Lilligold's author presented a unique take on this matchup that worked for me well enough to supersede my appreciation for Mango's simpler approach.
I'm abstaining here. This isn't the best showing I've seen from either author, and I was left feeling fairly lukewarm after each.
Speaking on Lilligold's author's entry: In spite of little flub-ups with meter and rhyme (and a couple of typos), on the whole, it was a fairly well-handled poem. It was bold to ape Seuss, and it pays off in that he or she was indeed able to evoke some of the same feeling. On the other hand, though, it invites a lot of comparisons—it highlights the spots that fell short of Seuss-ness. Where Seuss would invent a silly or memorable word that feels right at home in his world, Lilligold's author would invent an easy, emotionless word like "rejoice" as a noun, and it would come off only as a desperate rhyme. Similarly, he or she would sometimes reach for rhymes by suddenly shifting to more complex words that fell out of step with the tone. Much like the switch to prose at the end.
Still, the fact that Lilligold's author went for the Grinch style at all was both valid and apt. It informed the character of Mango in an interesting way, particularly because he wasn't taking immediately Grinch-y actions (and in fact seemed to be trying to avoid doing so, in a sense). I also appreciated that Lilligold's author didn't stoop to copying Grinch's plot wholesale. And yet…
I still wasn't enamored with the plot itself. Most notably, it bothered me that Lilligold was cast in large part as the kindly, guiltless victim of her opponent character's selfish actions (and even if she admits to a fault in the end, it's as though the reader is left to take that as her being humble, because Mango was quite clearly the one at fault in the whole scenario). Really, I was hoping that kind of plot had died off after the early rounds—Lilligold's tears have lost all impact in these scenarios, at least for me. I get it; she's a good person that other people take advantage of. The fresher plots of the past couple rounds felt stronger than that.
Mango's author's story, too, felt like a bit of a return to basics. Mango rolls up to the opponent character's area, meets up with the other OC (with whom he happens to have a history), and then they hash out a problem together. Though these plot elements might not have come up in that exact combination until now, they've had a consistent presence in most all of Mango's entries. There's nothing much new at play here, excepting the particulars of the problem that gets hashed out—though that doesn't factor much into the overarching plot, as it did in, say, the Mango vs. Candy Cane entry back in round one.
Taken on its own, this entry from Mango's author is just fine. It serves its purpose, doesn't overstay (or understay, one might say) its welcome, doesn't reach beyond the scope of its wordcount to its detriment—some of which Mango's author has seemed to struggle with in past rounds, so in that sense, this entry could even be looked upon as an improvement. Taken with all of Mango's author's previous entries, though, I'm just not enthused, plot-wise.
And just to say it, I'll recognize that Mango's author seemed to be a bit better in terms of mechanics this round, though there's still work to be done there.
In summary, I found the plots of both entries to be a bit too similar to what we've seen from their authors before. Lilligold's author chose a different medium to tell the story through this time, but did so with fluctuating mastery—and, indeed, not for the whole of the story, when there was no reason not to beyond time and effort—so I'd say that both stories were told with about roughly the same level of linguistic prowess despite it.
So I can't really pick between the two. Both could have been a good deal more special than they were, and I'm hoping the author who moves forward keeps that in mind.
Edit: 6310856 (Haha, I missed doing this)
Fun fact: Seuss himself switched to an odd number of lines at at least one point right there in Grinch. I wasn't bothered by that specifically.
Lilligold's author
What is it about Mango Leaf to that prompts people to write poetry about him? Anyway, I though the poetry worked well in Lilligold's story. It's a lighthearted tale and the way in which it is told helps to enhance that the whimsical mood of the story. There are a few passages, for example, the section describing the plants in Glimmering Gardens, where the verse and the writing combine to give some really evocative imagery. The meter and rhyming are somewhat awkward at a few points, but overall, it was a joy to read. The story lacks somewhat in its characterization, especially of Lilligold, though it is nice that the story turns on her decision whether or not to forgive Mango Leaf. The story is also quite impressive in showing the range of the author's talents; this story is a well done comedy, whereas Lilligold's past two stories were quite dark and serious.
Mango Leaf's story is a good slice-of-life tale that shines in some areas where Lilligold's story was lacking. The strengths of Mango's piece are the dialog and character interactions, and I liked how the writing made it believable that Lilligold and Mango Leaf were old friends. I did like that it was Mango Leaf's enthusiasm and passion for what he does that helped inspire Lilligold to get back into gardening. The story was solid and portrays the characters well, but ultimately, I enjoyed Lilligold's piece more.
Mango's Author
Lilligold's story, while creative and fun, doesn't hold up to expectations. It was fun to read a Grinch-esque story in a Seuss format, but the execution didn't quite make it for me. (I'm very critical when it comes to poetry. Sorry ahead of time!) To start with the good, I absolutely loved the poem when it complied with meter. There's a reason Seuss was (and is!) so popular. The recurring joke of why they were speaking in rhyme was cute and a nice little addition to the story. But that was really all it had going for it in my eyes.
In terms of mechanics, there were too many metric problems and awkward rhymes, some of which were slanted to the point of not even rhyming. The missteps in meter made it hard to follow at points, with the flow of the poem swinging between absolutely beautiful and disappointing. Additionally, the overabundance of roll-over lines made a lot of otherwise good lines read wonky. Here and there it works fine, but two in a row will usually throw off the rhythm. There's potential here, yes, and I have no doubt Lilligold's author could have made this a stunning piece of poetry had they more time to smooth out the structure, but we have to judge by what's here, and what's here is pretty lackluster.
On the story side, things didn't come off much better. Mango's an egotistical jerk, and everypony else, after apprehending him and intending to arrest him as logic would dictate, shrugs off his city-wide vandalism and altogether crime against botanical miracles at the drop of a hat. His plight is a fun and innocent one--a great start for the story--but his ultimate blunder is too far off the deep end to believe, and Lilligold's and the duchess's response equally so. Sure, forgiveness is a thing, and it's stressed in no small amount in the show, but even with such forgiveness, there should still be repercussions.
On to Mango's story!
... Yeah, this one didn't impress me either. It's very slice of life, with almost no real action going on. Sentence strength was on the low end, and nothing exciting happened. The pacing blitzed past what it should have been, leaving key moments unsatisfying and leaping over important points of logic for the sake of word count. What sets it above Lilligold's story for me, however, is that it actually has some sort of character dimension. I can see that there's more to these characters than in Lilligold's story. I want to know more about them, and that makes me care about them more. At the same time, though, those logic leaps and pacing blunders left me confused, mostly about Lilligold's motivation in all of this, at least until the end. And even the end didn't have as much of an impact as I would have hoped.
The whole thing just felt...meh. It feels way too first draft-y to me, which made it all the harder to really pick between the two. Had Lilligold's poem been better metered or the story itself built on fewer extremes, I would have voted for it hands down. But ultimately, two-dimensional meh wins over one-dimensional lackluster in my book.
Holy shit I'm so happy. Yes, these stories are what I needed to start my day. Both of you, thank you so much.
>one of a kine
My god. Liligold you are the best.
6312433
"One of a kine" was not a typo. I promise you that.
6314870
Obviously not, but "His bones has grown cold"? "For this winter you’ve made has got be quite blue."?
Mango Leaf's Author
I enjoyed both stories, and it really was a difficult choice, but I'm not terribly fond of poetry. Both stories were close mechanically, and it felt like the poem was done decently well, but I had an easier time getting into and enjoying Mango's story. For me, it just flowed better together, even though it definitely felt rushed. That, in the end, was the tiebreaker.
MANGO LEAF’S AUTHOR
How Mango Leaf Stole Hearth’s Warming
Liked: The constant asking why they’re speaking in rhyme.
Disliked: POETRYYYYYYYYYY! D: Oh god, some of this just… god. I’ve seen worse, but… aaaaaagh YOU CANNOT RHYME DESSERT WITH YOGURT. DX
Mango Leaf vs. Lilligold
Liked: The interconnectedness of these characters. I mean, making Lilligold
have a crush onknow Haystacks!Disliked: It feels kind of disappointingly short? I guess?
I just want to point out that this is currently tied at 5, unless I counted wrong again. Vote if you haven't already, people!
6314847
You going to cast a vote, Tac?
Mango Leaf's Author
Yeah, I liked Mango's better.
Lilligold's Author
Almost forgot to vote! And managed to lose the notes I'd taken on the stories, so nothing specific this time around.
On the one hand, we've got Mango Leaf's author, who's done an admirable job making a continuous story arc. I can only imagine the effort that went into that, and if he advances to the next round, perhaps we'll see the story run to its conclusion. While it would have been easy to fall into the trap of having the competition be interchangeable secondary characters, you did not do that, especially with the way you so naturally fitted Haystacks into the overall narrative.
And on the other, we've got Lilligold. I always liked her character better, but in the first couple of rounds, I was getting the impression that her author was a one-trick pony. The last round forced me to reconsider, and in this round, you've wowed me again. The story was a magnificent read, and I liked the little bits where it made fun of itself (why are we talking in rhyme?). The whole story was marvelous, and it's one I'll be reading again.