Chapter XII - Lies.
I couldn’t decide whether last night had been the best night of my life or the worst when I’d woken up. Marmalade’s head rested on my chest, strands of her yellow hair splayed every which way. She had a small smile on her face even as she slept, and as I shifted slightly, she squirmed unconsciously to hug me close. You think most stallions would love the situation I woke up in, and the events of last night, but not me. Not this way.
Love, for us, was by far the most nutritious form of emotion. With Marmalade’s love– pure, undiluted love for me as myself– I had never felt so alive, so buzzing with energy. I felt as though I could move a mountain and then some, but it had all been a sham. I had left my body to its own devices and only realized too late what was going to happen. It had twisted our friendship into something more, something beautiful, but so ugly in its origins.
My teacher, Mirra, had always danced around answering my questions, always giving the vaguest answers wherever she could. I never knew why, but there were a few things she had been specific on. One specific trait of our race, which could be very loosely translated as “eternal demand”, was among our greatest faults. I’ve mentioned before that positive emotions are what we live off, but not too much beyond that. Whenever the love we receive grows in strength, our bodies also undergo changes. We grow larger and the energy we can store increases, but also our appetites for it. For instance, Cytri would need more emotion to live than I did. While expansion and growth tended to happen fairly quickly, contractions did not. It could take a half a year to lose what we gained in a month. If you were not weaning yourself off it, it would end very poorly.
Mirra had left no doubts when she explained this: if you starve yourself your body may act on its own accord. I certainly hadn’t been kind to myself the past few days, even considering the circumstances. The buzzing plaguing my mind had turned out to be my instincts urging me to get closer with Marmalade. Beyond that, I’d... partially taken control of her mind. When she finally gave in, and I still refused to take it, my body took over.
I managed to worm my way out of her grasp, replacing myself with a pillow. On the table, I left her a short note, telling her I would be back soon. A lie, but a kind one. Then I walked outside. As always, Starlight and Ocean Wind were there, waiting for me. Evidently, they must have had some indication what had happened last night, judging by their expressions.
“Amethyst,” Ocean began, “How–”
“Fuck off,” I growled. I did not need to be reminded further of what I had done, an act which under certain ways of thinking could be seen as little more than rape. That knowledge already was tearing at my heart, and twisting my insides painfully.
My pace left them out of earshot as they traded a few sharp words. Eventually they caught up to me as I made another turn, heading to the exterior of the castle. I really need to get out of this place. The air was beginning to make me sick.
“Amethyst, what is the matter?” Starlight asked, sliding up alongside me.
My jaw clamped shut, and I ignored her, rounding another corner searching for a balcony. Starlight leapt in front of me before I could, blocking my path.
“You are going to tell me what is wrong before going anywhere else,” she demanded.
Fine! Why not tell the world my issues? “Oh, let’s see...” I began, laying the sarcasm on thick. “Perhaps it’s the fact I unknowingly placed a spell on Marmalade, one which changed her thoughts about me. Of course, it could also be that I didn’t realize it at the time, and couldn’t control myself when push came to shove. Nothing about last night was consensual, for either of us. That answer your question?”
The statement left her speechless as I walked around her, heading for somewhere outside. Didn’t matter where, I just needed some air to think.
“Amethyst, what are you saying?” Starlight cried, catching up with me. “How is that even possible?”
“Changelings work like that,” I said. “Don’t know why, or how, but that’s the way it is.”
“So that’s what you are so worked up over?”
“No,” I corrected, “that would be explaining it to Marmalade. Just try and think how that conversation would go.”
Starlight paled in understanding. Nonetheless, she recovered quickly. “Tell her the truth, then,” she suggested.
I stopped, turning to glare at her. “Are you mad?” I shouted. “Do you know what she would do to me?”
“What would she do to you if you didn’t tell her and she found out?” she retorted. “No one likes being lied to, something which I thought you understood.”
Honestly, she had a point, but the way I saw it, it was a case of “damned if I do, damned if I don’t”. In fact, the only safe option seemed to be dishonesty. Perhaps it would be better if I went with it for the time being, seeing how things panned out. I mean, it wasn’t like I was particularly adverse to the idea of a relationship with Lemon Marmalade. It was just that, well...
What were Celestia and Luna doing here? Here, at what looked like little more than a servant's entrance? Their expressions lacked one gram of levity as they issued orders to the few guards around them. Celestia still had the bloodied bandage firmly fixed over her eye. I’d wager she was going against the doctor’s orders being here.
“What’s going on?” I called out, increasing my pace as I approached. I did not like the way their expressions shifted as their eyes fell upon me.
“Amethyst, now is not the best time,” Celestia said, shifting her weight uncomfortably. The air grew thick with tension, so thick I could taste it. Whatever it was, it was related to me. Again.
“What is it?” I sighed.
“Amethyst, please,” Luna cut in. “It would best for thou to return to thy quarters.”
Well, given the situation that awaited me there, that wasn’t happening. “Are we really going to do this? If you can say that this in no way has anything to do with me, Cytri, or any of the other changelings, I’ll go about my way. Otherwise... What. Is. It?” I demanded pointedly.
Celestia sighed, “Very well, Amethyst. A warning, however. It’s not a pleasant sight.”
Oh no.
“Show me!” I nearly screamed.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
That should have been my warning.
I stopped after a few paces through the doorway, finding nothing amiss. When I realized everypony I could see was staring at the wall behind me, a chill ran down my spine. Turning about, my eyes rose to meet the spectacle.
And I could do nothing but stare in horror.
When I finally regained control of my body, I made it three steps before emptying my stomach into a flowerbed. A glance up at the sight only set my body heaving again.
Above the door hung a changeling, limp and lifeless, pinned in place by two spears through her eyes and out the back of her head.
“Masters...” I finally managed.
“She was found this morning by one of the castle staff coming to work,” Celestia said softly. “We were just preparing to take her down. Do you wish to stay?”
Though my gut vehemently disagreed, I managed a nod and swallowed down rising bile. I owed this changeling that much.
Three pegasi flew up to the body, one carefully removing the spears, while the other two held a stretcher. From below, a unicorn supported the body with a gentle glow of blue magic. I said I wouldn’t, but I had to avert my eyes. A few more seconds worth of work, and then they gently flew down with the body covered in a cloth, to land in front of us.
“May I?” I asked, reaching for the cloth.
“If you must,” Celestia answered, holding her voice steady.
Revealing her face only brought about another urge to hurl. Swallowing, I looked to the edge of her eyes, and found what I was looking for. It was a piece of her lens, the same colour as Cytri’s. This changeling may have escaped the castle, but not Canterlot. I respectfully returned the cover to its proper place.
“The changeling was one of the ones who escaped,” I told them quietly. “They will need to know about it.”
“We will inform them right away,” Luna offered.
“No,” I stated. “I’ll do it. Was there anything else found with her?”
“We are still identifying the spears, but somepony had placed a hat on her head.”
My blood froze. “Can I see it?”
A guard trotted forth at my request, carrying the simple brown fedora. I somehow managed to keep my emotions from my face.
Never in my life had I seen or heard of something like this. Then he had the arrogance to mount it in plain sight, knowing he would get away scot-free. How could he do such a thing without batting an eyelash? To him, the changeling’s corpse was a trophy, a mark of victory. He would hang her just as an art collector would hang a masterpiece.
At that moment I swore upon the memories of my parents that I would find him and make him suffer. He would pay for every drop of blood he spilled with two of his own, and every scream of agony he inflicted I would take from him. I would find him, and kill him. So by the masters’ I swore it, so by my spirit.
“Do you recognize it?” Luna asked. She looked hopeful.
“No,” I lied. “Never seen it.”
“Though the guard might disagree, I am returning her body to Cytri,” Celestia said. “Normally they would want to perform an autopsy, but it isn’t their place to do so, and I would forbid it regardless. If you want, you can raise the request with them. Only if you feel it is proper, however. Is there anything else you need?”
“No. I’ll go tell them right now.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I stood in front of the door, staring at the wood and racking my mind for what to say. How to break it to them. Nothing came to mind. Had she been close friends with them, or a barely known acquaintance? Either way, Cytri would not take it well. She seemed to feel responsible for anything the others did, and I suspected she cared deeply for them.
What had Starlight said? Truth was the best option? Well, perhaps truth broken softly, but still the truth.
I knocked.
I could hear activity beyond the door, quickly falling to a hush. The face of a changeling male greeted me as the door opened.
“<What is it?>” he demanded, an uneasy frown falling on his muzzle.
“<I need to speak with you.>” I struggled with the next part of the phrase in my mind. “<Something has happened.>”
“<And that is?>” he asked, his tone becoming defensive.
“<They found one of the ones who escaped.>”
Knowing my own ineptitude with the language, he was most likely uneased with what I had said. “<They captured someone?>”
I shook my head. “<Found her.>”
His eyes widened in horror. “<Where is she?>” he seethed.
“<May I come in, please?>” I asked. “<It is something you all want to hear.>”
“<They wait outside,>” he stated plainly, nodding at Ocean Wind and Starlight. Fair enough that they didn’t trust them, I suppose. I relayed his request, though it could have been better termed as a demand, but both of them complied with his wishes. The changeling invited me inside, offering my first chance of seeing them out of the cell. Their room was a touch larger than mine, ample for my needs, with a number of cots laid out around the room. Obviously our exchange had drawn the other changelings attentions, and my eyes quickly came to rest on Cytri. The swelling around her eye had gone down to the point where she could finally blink.
“Amethyst?” she asked, slipping into Equestrian. “What is it?”
What I had meant to release slowly came out in a sudden burst. “They found the body. Of the changeling.”
The mood of the room turned to ice. “What?” she whispered. “Who?”
“I don’t know, but as you are the only other changelings I know of, I could only assume you would know her,” I licked my dry lips, struggling with the next part. “I’m sorry, but I think she was one of yours.”
Cytri bowed her head, closing her eyes, and the rest of them joined her in silence. When she raised her head, and opened her eyes once more, they were brimming with tears. My heart went out to all of them.
“How did she die?”
And there it was. The single question which could upset the delicate trust that had formed. I could tell them the truth, but how would that make them feel about the ponies? If any of them were like me, they could very well attack the guard again, this time with murderous intent. Revenge would burn as brightly in their minds as it did in mine.
And I couldn’t say that would be for the best.
“They don’t know. They are looking into the matter, but apparently they haven’t found anything yet. As far as they can, they’ve left her untouched. Celestia would like to know if you want help planning a funeral, and if there are any arrangements she could help with.”
She bought it all, giving me a small smile of appreciation despite her tears. “Thank you. Is there a garden here?”
“I believe so.”
“Could you tell her I would like to hold the funeral there?”
I nodded my response. One of the changelings, the same one who had answered the door, voiced his concerns.
“Cytri, will we be able to conduct the ceremony?”
“No, I don’t think any of us could,” she answered. “That is why I intend to ask Amethyst for his assistance.”
“Are you crazy!” he exclaimed. “He–”
“Tirith, please trust me. We can rely on him.”
The words installed little confidence in him. He regarded me carefully, warily. “Are you even sure he could do it?”
Some of Cytri’s confidence faded with the question, though not all of it. “I am sure Amethyst is more than capable.”
“Do you really expect someone like him to know any magic?” Tirith demanded. “Are you sure he even cast spells?”
“What sort of spells?” I cut in, somewhat annoyed. I really didn’t appreciate him trifling Mirra’s teachings.
“I doubt they are anything you know.”
“Like these?” I asked, focusing on the space beside me. It goes to show just how much power I had gained from last night, when reaching for the energy was like nothing more than opening a tap to a dam. Before, the same task had been like trying to squeeze water from a muddy cloth. Picturing the changeling who had been pinned to the wall, I created the image next to me, as best my mind could, omitting the wounds. She stared back at them, blinking in a semblance of life. I’m surprised I hadn’t thought of this sooner.
Tirith looked stunned, Cytri, shellshocked.
“I am apprenticed to illusionist Mirra,” I added for good measure.
“Is that her?” Cytri asked, completely missing my addition.
“Yeah, it’s–” I managed to strangle my words before the triumphant tone could get out. I had made my point, but there was no reason for me to twist the knife already in place with their lost. I had just confirmed who it was, and obviously, Cytri recognized who this changeling was. It was clearly someone close to her.
She stepped forward, reaching a hoof out for the image, and flinched when she realized it wasn’t real. It was a compliment to my work, but I didn’t feel better for it. To offer some measure of comfort, I let the illusion readjust her vision to Cytri, giving her a smile before fading. Cytri just stood, looking where the illusion had been, tears flowing down her cheeks. She all but collapsed to the floor, her body racked with sobs.
Tirith raced over to her, kneeling beside her. “You can go,” he said to me, eyes focused on Cytri.
“But...”
“Please leave,” he repeated, his voice kind, but carrying a stark, harsh edge.
Nodding, I offered no argument, and left. I swung the door shut behind me gently, letting them mourn in peace. Starlight gave me a understanding glance.
“Everything alright?” she asked.
I nodded slowly, beginning down the hall. They fell in step behind me.“I think so.”
There was something else on my mind by this point, however, and it was far more sinister. I intended to find that stallion and make him suffer for everything he had done. I knew finding him wouldn’t be easy, but a pattern had begun to form. Anytime there had been any sort of disturbance, he had been there, fanning the flames. He was the reason the crowds crossed a line; he was the reason they went as far as they did. If I had to bet, the changeling’s murder had been a direct result of his machinations, but not by his own hoof. I know others may have wanted her dead, but what they did to her wasn’t elimination of a threat, but a message.
Ocean Wind picked up on my internal dialogue somehow. “Amethyst, what is it?”
Screw it, why not? “You know how they found a hat with the changeling? What if I told you I had seen that hat before?”
The two guards traded a guarded look, their expressions hardening at the news. “Where?”
When I told them, their mouths fell open. Their emotions radiated pure shock. A kick to the gut would have hardly produced such an extreme reaction. Ocean muttered something which escaped my hearing, and Starlight’s horn lit up in response. In a flash of light, the world around us disappeared and reshaping into the form of a dark, unoccupied room. My head ached with the sudden shift, and I took a few stumbling steps to steady myself.
“Please warn me next time,” I groaned.
“Next time, warn us before you blurt something like that out,” Ocean Wind stated urgently. “Is that really true?”
“That he was there every time?” I asked. “Absolutely.”
“Amethyst, I don’t think you understand what this means!” Starlight exclaimed.
“The hell I do!”
“No, you don’t. I would wager the world he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about changelings. At least, not the way you think.”
This only further infuriated me. “Yes, and it’s obvious he thinks I’m worthless.”
“No, Amethyst!” Starlight shouted. “What I mean is: he is just using you. Do you remember the group that brought in Cytri and the other changelings? Ocean Wind and I read the report on the matter, and one of the ponies accompanying them sounds very much the stallion you described.”
It felt as though someone had dumped a bucket of freezing water over my head. It just didn’t make sense, and went against everything I knew of him. Him helping them?
“But how? He was at the inn, and if he was here a few minutes later...”
“How did we get to this room?” Ocean asked.
“We tele–” I felt like smacking myself as I put it together. “Alright, but what does that mean?”
He took a deep breath, visibly steeling himself against the logic. “If he’s truly done all those things, he could easily be trying to otherthrow the government. On one hoof, he is trying to force Celestia to make choices that the public may not like, and on the other, he is riling up ponies against them. I mean, if he really was with the changelings, it would explain how they escaped so quickly.”
“What do you mean?”
Ocean Wind shrugged. “It’s all a matter of passing one of them a key, or weakening the chains. You think a captured changeling would say something when they couldn’t even understand Equestrian?”
I bit my tongue on the truth, holding it back from them. However, even with that considered, the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. He used crowds to remain anonymous; they both concealed him and offered him immense power. Sure, the power was not without restrictions, as the mob was not mindless, but compared to me, his dwarfed mine. Hell, if he worked them enough, he could potentially rival Celestia and Luna, even combined. However, I realized that it was not without one crucial flaw. The act, his persuasion, whatever he wanted to call it, did not grant him complete anonymity. If I could find him and separate him, then he would stand no chance.
“But why did we have to come here?” I asked, indicating the room around us. “Couldn’t I have told you back in the hall as well?”
“Although the other night may have been unusual, normally the grounds are watched fiercely, doubly so ever since that night,” Ocean answered. “For them to have gained access, with nopony seeing them, isn’t a good omen. Either they are the best infiltrators the guard has ever faced–”
“Next to the changelings,” I interrupted.
“Yes, next to changelings,” he admitted. “For them to have brought in and murdered a changeling without any indication....” He fell silent.
“You think there is a traitor in the guard,” Starlight stated.
“There’s no other way,” he offered weakly.
“You can’t be serious!” I exclaimed. The guard was loyal to the princesses to a fault. Hell, I’d seen their strained expressions when I even whispered something about their rulers.
The lunar guard sighed. “I agree with him, Amethyst.”
“But–”
Starlight ran a hoof over her helmet. “If they thought doing what they were doing would protect Celestia and Luna, I know of a few who would do it in a heartbeat. Should we tell the princesses?”
My gut instantly rejected the idea, as did my mind. Celestia could never hope to see the evil in her ponies. She would always be convinced of their innocence. At that point I realized it was not her actions, but her inaction which had created every problem I faced. It was only after my parents were killed that the order was rescinded. It was only after Marmalade’s inn burned to the ground that Celestia took it upon herself to fix the problems with her guard. It was only after the invasion that she even considered the changelings a threat. It was her responsibility to act, yet she never did. She didn’t just make use of hindsight, she lived by it.
“No,” I decided. She would either wouldn’t believe it, or would open up an investigation so big and broad that the perpetrators could easily disappear into the loopholes.
“We’re telling her,” Ocean Wind said.
“No, we aren’t,” I insisted.
“This is not your call.”
“You tell her, and I’ll disappear into the city.”
That particular threat got their attention. Like a foal who realized they didn’t have enough bits to purchase that piece of candy after all, they froze.
“You wouldn’t...” he growled.
“The only reason you even know about him is because of me,” I stated. “You tell her, and I will run off and find him on my own, by my own terms.”
“You’ll just wind up in a cell, or dead.”
“Oh, really?” I asked. “Just like last time you tried to capture me?”
“Listen to me!” he protested. “It’s–”
“Don’t care. You can either help me, or you can try to find him on your own, without even knowing what he looks like. I’ll find him easily.” A lie, but not terribly untrue.
“Fine!” he snapped. “But the minute you are in over your head, I’ll be telling her.”
“Fine by me.”
I would never let it come to that; he was mine.
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Hmm, interesting point at the end here. and love that this has updated again!
Damn this story just got better by 120%
And still no confession to Marmalade... Wonder when that will happen?