Eye of the Web
This fanfic is based on SadJosieph's Carnival Cat vs. Ponyville found here:
Listen to the songs in the story as you read for best effect!
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As the strange music faded from the air around the 3 young fouls, Apple Bloom couldn't get their conversation with Catherine out of her head. Catherine had invited them back for the next morning, saying that she had to finish setting up the park, but that everyone in Ponyville would know were to go. As they trotted out of the forest, and back towards Sweet Apple Acres, Sweetie Belle broke the silence "What do you think she meant by everypo- er.. everyone in Ponyville knowing were to go?" Apple Bloom sighed "She probably just put up posters all over Ponyville, and I know she said everyone, but she thinks she's a cat, remember? So it is grammatically accurate." Scootaloo looked very angry all of a sudden "What's the matter?" Apple Bloom asked, looking at Scootaloo "I still sort of hate Ms. Cherilee for wasting so much time with the whole 'everypony vs. everyone' debate, she talks WAY too fast sometimes, so I didn't even understand half of it!" Scootaloo burst out "Is that it?" Sweetie Belle laughed "I expected something a bit more important than-" "There's the farmhouse" Scootaloo cut her off abruptly, clearly trying to avoid the entire subject
They entered the front door as quietly as they could, but their efforts to be quiet were made in vain, as somepony was sitting at the table waiting for them. "What in tarnation were ya thinkin'?!" Applejack said in a voice that was obviously restraining shouts "Do ya have ANY idea of what time it is??" The crusaders shuffled their hooves guiltily braced for the lecture, and after a few minutes, Applejack had sighed, "Now, where's Big Mac?" the crusaders looked at each other "What do you mean?" Sweetie Belle asked. Applejack rolled her eyes "I sent him to go get ya three, did ya not see him?" As the fouls shook their heads, Applejack sighed, "Well, he'll come home eventually, and I guess no luck with the cutie marks, eh?" This last remark seemed to have the biggest impact on the crusaders than anything she said before, as Applejack watched their faces go into a depressed state, she quickly changed the subject "Well, what you were doing in the forest?" At this, the three fouls burst into explanations of the events in the Everfree Forest, and the more they spoke, the more uneasy Applejack became.
Walking through the forest, Big Mac started to wonder if he was walking in circles, he was positive he saw that strange curvy branch 37 times already... 38... 39... 40... there was something definitely wrong here, Big Mac knew he was walking in a strait line, he had dismissed the notion of the forest being "alive", but now, he was willing to accept that at least something was in the forest. As he considered turning around and trying a different route, he heard the music. This slightly worried Big Mac, but he needed to find Apple Bloom and the others, so he continued deeper into the forest. As the music grew louder, he began to wonder if the 3 fillies had turned back and gone back to the house. Just when Big Mac was about to turn around to go back to the house, he wandered into a clearing, and his jaw dropped.
There was a CARNIVAL, a dang CARNIVAL in the middle of the EverFree Forest! As he stood there, jaw hanging open, he noticed a strangely colored pony running around instructing other ponies, examining the booths, and instructing the ponies again, all the while with a manic grin on her face. As Big Mac watched her, the pony turned and noticed her watcher, smiled even wider, and wandered towards him. Big Mac was startled by her speed, and within a second, the pony was hooves away from him. "Welcome to the playground of insanity!" The pony cried. Big Mac just stood and stared at the pony, before coughing slightly, and speaking "Who're you?" The pony frowned "Oh, the crusaders haven't spread the word yet? The way I heard, they were going to tell every living creature they met about me and my carnival! But I guess they've only had about twenty minutes since they left, I'd say they'd be out of the forest by now..."
Big Mac raised an eyebrow "Ye saw my little sister did ya? Didn't cause no trouble did she?" The pony laughed "Oh if only she had! This place needs trouble! But where are my manners? My name is Catherine The Carnival Cat! You must be Big Macintosh. Oh don't look surprised" She cackled at Big Mac's look of shock "Why would I not get information about Ponyville before choosing a location so close to it?" Big Mac frowned "But how'd you known my name? Information about Ponyville is completely different from knowing the names of the residents" he said nervously. Looking around more carefully, he saw that there was a lot more that needed to be done; tents lying flat, booths knocked over in the wind, the other ponies looking lost now that their commander was busy. "I can help ya set up the place, if you want." Catherine's face broke into an even wider smile "Oh thank you Big Macintosh!" she cried "Uh... just call me Big Mac" he muttered nervously before walking off towards the closest tent. "Well, 'Big Mac' thank you for the help, now just stay until the carnival is over." Catherine said to herself before slowly trotting over to the trees "And I think I will need to bring the three crusaders back..." she muttered into into the trees. With a spark of insane laughter she scrambled back to work.
"So lemme get this strait." Applejack said "There is a CARNIVAL. In the middle of the EVERFREE FORREST?" The crusaders nodded "And there's some psycho looking pony in charge of the place?" they nodded again "Aaaaaaaaaand she thinks she's a CAT?" the crusaders looked at each other "Yes big sister, we told you three dang times already" Apple Bloom said impatiently. Applejack seemed not to be listening. She looked out the kitchen window before another long sigh. "I'm gonna go find Big Mac, you three stay here, I dunno about this Carnival Cat, she could be dangerous, Big Mac is tough, but he'd never hit a lady." Apple Bloom looked scared "What if she isn't dangerous?" Sweetie Bell asked, causing Applejack to smile "Then I'll invite her over for lunch." she answered, before walking out the front door and into the darkness. The crusaders looked at each other. "Let's stay on the front porch, so we can see her coming back." Apple Bloom said, "How are we going to see her? It's almost midnight!" Scootaloo cried "Either way, we could be ready if she needs help" Apple Bloom replied, before opening the door, and walking onto the porch. Scootaloo and Sweetie Bell followed, but when they stepped outside, Apple Bloom was gone.
"Apple Bloom!" Scootaloo bellowed "Where'd you go?" "She's not behind the house." Sweetie Belle panted, sprinting around a corner of the house. "Where in Equestria did she go?" Scootaloo cried, before something answered her. "Into the darkness." Sweetie Bell shrieked as a shapeless mass emerged from the shadows. "WHAT DID YOU DO WITH HER?" Scootaloo screamed at the creature. For an answer, the creature moved towards them, so fast that neither of the young fillies had time to react. Within a second, they were gone. Scootaloo and Sweetie Bell had vanished, as the shapeless creature moved back towards the EverFree Forest.
(Image by Sand-Josieph, Used with Permission)
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I'm liking how the Cat doesn't really have any idea what it means to be a pony. Is Big Macintosh going to play a more heroic role further on in the story? It would be nice if there were more stories that had Big Mac in the role of the hero.
...Beetlejuice? BEETLEJUICE?! BEETLEJUICE?!
664775
...
eh?
668958 The guy there looks like Beetlejuice. You must be young or never saw the cartoon to not know him.bryonysbrain.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/beetle-juice_michael-keaton_striped-suit_mid-bmp-1-732x600.jpg in the movie
seeklogo.com/images/B/Beetlejuice-logo-5D5E308E2F-seeklogo.com.gif in the cartoon. The cartoon is very funny.
669508
I know who he is
but...
why?
670319 Can't you see the similarities?
670491
I...
umm...
0_0
ummm
THINK FAST MUSTACHE ACTIVATE!
672640onewomanonemillion.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Denied.gif
674926
Okay this story has caught my attention and it has earned three out of four moustaches
688415
:)
As soon as I get some more inspiration for it
it will get 4
A spider leading fillies into her web.
She's a beldam.
So your the one who made Carnival Cat?
1533395
Nope!
I am the one who is making the (semi) official back story though!
I am sooo glad someone decided to make a story for the song cant wait for more this gets 5 moustaches.
1539129
You didn't have to wait that long, about -4 months!
...
Because I started it about 4 months ago
also, OH MAI GAWD MUSTACHES!
1535026
That's "Officially Approved"! XD
I like it ^^ Cant wait for chapter 3 ^^ <3
Well, I certainly know a thing or two about writer's block. A good way to help get through it would be to reread what you already written, even if it doesn't help you form the next step of the story in your mind it can help you notice little mistakes you made, and also help keep story continuity when you're writing. Also having a plan for what you want to portray in future chapters is good, the challenge would be filling in the gaps between major events. Those are just some ideas anyways.
Now, something to keep in mind, and maybe something you'd want to do. The flow of your fic seems a bit cluttered, mostly due to the blocks of text. Its grammatically proper to start a new paragraph when the speaker changes or when the subject changes. There is nothing wrong with having a line with just a few words in it.
Like this.
In fact, it can be used to emphasis certain things.
That said, the story itself is engaging, and you have a great character of interest, who while being the villain is also the star of the show, so to speak. A suggestion would be to make her seem more catlike in mannerism, especially when and if she starts flirting with Big Mac. When she's pleased with something, make her say things with a purr, or just purr in general, or hiss when she gets angry. Cat naps in the sun, etc etc. I guess I could try and brainstorm with you on where to take the next chapter if you wanted. This does seem like a very interesting and chilling fic, and I'd love to read more.
is it possible to have writer block that last this long?
Well from what I got from the song and seeing all the pictures, Cat is lonley and wants Big Macintosh to stay with her and will destroy poneyviell if he doesn't. You can write about that
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWTMr2BGHb4