“Oh, We’re back?” I ask, holding a newspaper.
I toss it behind me, and it exploded into Pigeons. Padding back over to where I was before the chapter ended, I finally took in the being in front of me. (With my eyes, don’t take that out of context.)
“WAH?!” I shouted in sho- “Crimsoin, you do know some people might groan at this?”
*Will they? I don’t think they will. Shut up and go with it!*
“Fine…” I grumbled.
The one who I landed on so rudely was a Sylveon! An oddly colored one, and I don’t mean it was a shiny. The pink on its...her, its a her.... chaos powers so I can know without checking… yeah not even going there…. anyways, the pink on her head, tail, and paws was replaced with a dark magenta with a white diamond shape on her forehead. Her ears tipped with white. The normal light pink color on the rest of her body was ever so slightly darkened and was very hard to noticed. Her ribbons were outlined with yellow with a blue center in the middle of her bows.
Around her neck was a chain-linked necklace with a gold loop at the middle with a triangular Emerald. Her figure was just the same as any Sylveon. Over all, she was a beauty to look at, at least to me. (AN: Falx, should I go for a different design, or will this work? Delete this afterward EN: crimsoin, the design sounds fine, also, I’m leaving this in because it’s funnier if the readers see us talking in my opinion. Also, you’re the final editor for this story, no matter what I suggest, What you put in is your choice. :3) An: What do you guys think? Keep this, or delete it?) She was also, STILL unconscious…
‘Oh, whoops, probably should wake her up.’ I think.
Getting closer, I lightly nudged her with my paw. Getting no reaction, I nudged harder. Still nothing. Frowning, I materialized a trumpet from a rock and played it a bit.
Then got out some symbols, smashing them together loudly. Then got a large horn, played that.
Still not getting a reaction, I snapped my paws, creating a regular guitar and played that
But stopped “Wait, if anything that would just make me fall asleep, well during the beginning anyway.” I said to myself.
Finally, I settled with licking her nose. That got her stir.
‘Really? All that and that’s what wakes her up?’ I thought to myself with a deadpanned expression.
Slowly, she opens her eyes, with her POV being me near her face with a worried look. “YIP!” She squeaked, instinctually leaping up, our heads collide.
“OW! WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE HEAD?!” I shouted clutching my head.
“Then don’t get in a Mon’s face like that!” The girl replied, also clutching her head.
“Well excuuUuuse me, princess!” I snarked before blinking “Where’d did that come from?” I ask myself aloud.
She groans in pain. Picking myself up I ask in a soft voice “Hey, you okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine…” she responds, also picking herself up.
“Sorry about that.” I tell her. She just nods, rubbing her head with one paw.
“You’re a weird looking Umbreon.” She says a little rudely, but I just smirk.
“You’re a weird looking Sylveon.” I retort. “Touché” she says, then blinks
“Hey, aren't you supposed to be scared, or at least a little hostile to me?” She questioned out of the blue.
I give her an odd look, “Should I be?”
She blinks again, “You know I’m a fairy-type, right? Fairy-types are strong against dark-types like you.”
My ear flicks for no really reason. “Yeah so?”
She shakes her head “Never mind. Basically you should be scared because I’d beat you up.” She says.
“Oh RLY? I highly doubt that.” I grin.
“Oh, and what can you do?” She asks skeptically.
Sudden music started up “This!” I said, and began singing.
Finally the song ended, and the Sylveon was staring at me, confused. Can’t really blame her though. After waving my paw in front of her face, she shook her head then looks at me.
“What the heck was that?!” She sort of shouted.
“What? Never seen an Umbreon sing?” I ask her innocently.
“Well, that too, but where'd did that music come from?” She asks pointedly.
“I’m a reality warper.” I answer.
“And what does that have to do with me not being able to beat you?” She asks.
“I don't know, ask Crimsoin.” Silence.
“Whatever.... so where are we, um…?” She was obviously asking for my name.
“Shiro.” I supply.
“Shiro, where are we?” she asks.
“Ze Everfree Forest, miss...” I said in a overly French accent.
“Kristina.”
“Kristy,I bet you never heard of me, probably due to you being in a new world!” I emphasize the last part “Also, how the hell are you here?” I ask in the same welcoming tone. I’m honestly confused beyond belief. A Sylveon? In Equestria?
“Wait WHAT?!” she panicked.
‘Oh shit, this could take a while.’ I think to myself.
After explaining the fact that she’s on a different planet, *With Crimsoin being too lazy to write it* *SORA!* * Who’s Sora? * * Another OC who I made, but doesn't have his own story.*she began to hyperventilate. Sighing, I appeared behind her and knocked her out with a chop to her neck.
…
What? She was starting to panic, I don’t know how to calm someone down… without the risk of making it worse.
Looking around, I see a large hollow tree, perfect.
Picking Kristina up I jump inside the tree, and worked my magic, changing the inside of the tree into the likeness of inside a small wooden castle. I place her inside of a room, waited…. And then got bored and teleported somewhere random. And I mean like throwing dice random, I didn’t know where I was going to land.
-------Time Skip-------
With a bright white flash, I reappeared… a few hundred feet off the ground.
I just stood there in mid air looking down, before looking at in random direction (And by that I mean at you, reader) and pulled out a sign that said ‘Yike!’
Gravity’s brain musta restarted because I fell down very quickly. “YA HOHOHOHO HOY!” I scream at the top of my lungs.
‘Oh wait!’ I pull a random pull string, you know, the thing sticking out of Woody’s back in Toy Story, and a revving noise sounds from somewhere in my body. After pulling it a few times, my tail starts spinning like a helicopter blade, and slowed my descent.
Once I land, I let out a sigh of relief… before getting a face full of exploding chocolate milk.
Just a side note, Karma kinda exists… sort of… it's complicated. * It’s not so much Karma as it is Murphy’s Law. *
“Not as wonderful as friendship!” I hear our favorite purple nurple say.
‘So I landed in ponyville?’ I think. ‘Convenient…. I think.’
Looking over I see Discord sitting on his Throne Of Hysteria. No it’s not cannon, I just came up with the name on the spot.
“Heyo!” I shouted, jumping on top of the large chair.
“Ah, Shiro! Glad you could join us!” Discord exclaims happily.
“Look at these Ponies… they think they repaired their friendship, yeah right.” Only I heard the last part, seeing as he whispered it into my big ears… and I mean that as in making a copy of himself and both of them whisper in my ears, one each.
“Ya’ll couldn’t keep our friendship apart forever, Discord!” Applejack tells us.
“Oh don’t you lie to me, dear Applejack.” Discord said with evil smirk, before dragging her and her friends, minus Twilight, to him with his Talon. “I made you a liar in the first place.”
I frown at that. That always bothered me. “Uh, Dis? If you made her into a liar, how does that stop her from lying to you about their friendships being repaired?” I ask.
“Oh hush you.” Discord hushed with a foam finger “You’re always so pessimistic with it comes with one’s character’s inconsistencies and the such!” I shrugg “Eh, fair enough.”
“Now then-” before Dissy could continue, Twilight ‘bubbled’ her friends and teleported back. I coulda sworn I heard someone shout “JOHN DELANCEY!” That distracted me up until when Discord tells the girls.
“Ew, gag. Fine, just make it quick!” He teleports back to his throne. “I’m missing some excellent chaos here…” he closes his eyes. I just looked at him with a ‘are you dumb’ look. An element symbol… thing, shoots by my face.
“Huh, what’s this?” Discord notices, and then his eyes widen in fear.
“Later dude!” I shout, bailing on him to hide behind a floating house with several transparent shields and wearing a pillow helmet.
“WHHYYYYYYY??!?!” He shouts.
‘Wait wasn’t he suppost to shout ‘NOOOOOOO!’?’ Oh whatever. A bright light shone and blinds me. Once my vision clears, I can see Discord's statue with his head turned toward me with a betrayed look. I actually cringed at that. There was something so sad about that. I felt bad… before pulling out a violin and playing a short sad note.
Then pulled out a horn.
“Now for you Sheogorath!” The mane six, minus Fluttershy who looked liked she was trying to get their attention, and failing. I just stared at them, and they stared back.
“Time for you to go back to stone.” Raising my paw to resort to Rainbow Dash’s comment.
“I concur you ugly black thing.” I smash my head on the side of the fountain.
“YOU PONIES ARE UNINTENTIONALLY RACIST!” I shout.
“You're an ally of Discord!” Says Applejack.
“Yeah, you’re big meany pants!” Pinkie says.
‘Wait, when did she started hating me?’ “If you’d jus-” I try to say.
“You’ll pay for what you di-” Twilight was about to say, but Fluttershy beat her to it
“GIRLS!!!!”
‘JESUS, SHE HAS A SET OF LUNGS ON HER!’ I thought holding my sensitive ears.
“What?!” they shout irritably at her, before quickly apologizing at the now cringing Fluttershy. “Um, Shiro, isn’t evil…” She says shyly. They froze when they heard that.
“WHAT!?” They exclaim in unison.
“We’ll explain between chapters.” I said, digging my dewclaw *Thanks Ictus!* * “No Prob Dude!!!” * into my ear, trying to get rid of the ringing in my ears.
“Huuh?” The mane six minus Pinkie say in confusion.
6944522 WHY!!! I mean don't get me wrong, they look nice and all but the movepool the movepool....ugh.
Yay new chapter
Just letting you know, words that I (Falx) say, should be red, and words that Ictus says, should be green.
You kind of got them mixed up a bit. But it's just a small detail no one will really notice if you keep it like that.
Good work my friend! I am proud to lend my sub-par grammar skillz to someone with your creative comedy abilities.
6944556
True, but in all honesty, any of the eeveelutions could probably be replaced with a better pokemon of the same type, except for sylveon simply because there aren't that many fairy-types yet.
I will freely admit that Umbreon, while awesome, isn't exactly the best one that eevee can evolve into, possibly even the worst one to evolve into. But that's what level grinding is for!
Also, move pool isn't really relevant in this story due to the fact he's essentially got the same abilities as Discord.
Welp gave it a chance
I'll just drop a downer and leave now.
6944556
FLAREBLITZ EVERYTHING
6944926
Any suggestions you can think of before you dislike this story. Any pointers would be appreciated for our improvement.
Well that happened.
6944938
A reason for half of this shit would be nice.
6944919
>Umbreon worst evolution?
>Despite the fact that Umbreon can be extremely tanky, can tank hits all day and heal with Moonlight.
>Doesn't have to care since it can use toxic on it's enemies and just wait until the target faints due to it's insane tankyness and heals.
>Coolest looking eeveelution.
>Jolteon is literally the worst.
>Flareon is up there with Jolteon.
>Useless?
6945380
It's a displaced fic dude. This kind of stuff is common in these kinds of fics. The main reason any displaced does anything weird is usually for gits and shiggles.
6946085
Oh yeah, forgot about that tactic. I don't play pokemon that much anymore so be understanding with me if I make a few mistakes in terms of tactics for the games.
6946108
"They did it poorly so I should do it poorly too" is a shitty excuse... and a flat lie. You use the "Displaced" yet don't even fit the group as a whole, and even then they give some explanation on their character's power, either being the powers used by said character, powers from the world the character comes from or powers gained in the story itself.
This umbreon hasn't even been shown to HAVE umbreon abilities. Its just Discord lite in an umbreon fursuit
6946085
"Jolteon is literally the worst"
Competitively Glaceon is the record holder for worst eeveelution.
6946417
Dude, it's one of those fics someone writes for enjoyment. If crimsoin feels like making things random, he can make it random. If you want things to make 'sense' go read another fic that makes sense. We're not forcing you to read this. If MLP was meant to make sense all the time, they wouldn't have made added Pinkie and her 4th wall shattering capabilities. "Random with no explanation" is the way this fic looks like it's going, unless crimsoin decides to do otherwise. Your advice is noted though, and thank you for letting us know what you have a problem with. It's more than most other people who dislike stories do.
6946443
Fact of the matter is, you asked. I already figured it wasn't likely to change which is why I said I was done on the second comment I made on this fic.
Now I'm done with the fic and am moving onto you.
You asked a question and I answered. Almost everything you've said after the question has been worthless justification that doesn't even work.
The ONLY thing you've said that was correct is "The author can write this as randomly as he wants" Giving this a label it doesn't fit under is a fucking shitty way to try to get free traffic and attention, even the fact the main Character is an "Umbreon" is rather bad for the whole "doesn't fit" bit since the Umbreon is only skin deep. Minor chaos god in a fursuit if you will.
The moral of the story is, Don't use labels you don't know the meaning of. Don't call spilled milk a tragedy, don't call Griffin the Griffon Displaced, don't call "Cthulhu's anime adventure" fun for all ages. We don't need 4 year olds watching tentacle porn, label shit right.
Now I'm done with you.
6946417 First of all, this is NOT a displaced fic. That won't change unless people REALLY want it to be. ( Ignore this, at first I thought it would be a good argument, but now I doubt it, keeping it in though so others can go check them out.) Second of all, there is literally a Discord clone Displaced story that has pretty good ratings. Yes, he does go with the God of Balance route, but still. There is also the fanfic, Its A Screwed Up Life, not a displaced one. Third, the use and/or knowing of labels. Ok, that Anime Adventure 4 all ages made wonder what the writer was think making that label, but other then that I'm not sure I understand, can you explain it to me? Also, for the record, if you don't like it then you don't like. That's how it is, and I'm not going to deify that or make you change you mind.
6947262
Falx De Lume is the one saying its Displaced. Tell HIM its not.
Yeah the anime adventure his is just a made up example of mislabeling to show an extreme example so Lume would understand it easier.
A longer explanation would be Cthulhu is an Elder God with tentacles on his face, Anime+Tentacle=Lewd Things.
I know I don't like it, I'm not planning on reading anymore, I didn't ask you to change it. Lume asked why I dislike it. That is all. Everything else spiraled from there.
6947262
6947801
Oh, it's not a Displaced fic? Whoops, sorry, my bad. That's kinda embarrassing, especially considering I'm editing this fic. Some of them don't let you know until after the displaced is released from stone and made peace with the mane six.
Anyway, I was asking you on what could be done to improve the story mainly because there's a lot of people that seem to just dislike a story with no warning and no suggestions on how to improve the story. I just wanted to ask you since you were being considerate and letting us know you're disliking it. Thank you for letting us know!
And Crimsoin... eh heh heh heh... sorry about the misunderstanding that occurred over the course of however long this lasted.
And I would prefer to be referred to as "Falx" or "Falx of Lume" Please. Calling me "Lume" just makes me think of the fictional planet I created in my mind.
This is just crazy.
You are Crazy.
I like Crazy!
I want more Crazy!
I give this story / Pinkies^^
6950826 you mean 21/memes
6991512 Isn't that what I said?
6991854 i ment 21/WATER MELOWN!
Ooh! I groaned!
Discord just got betrayed by his first real friend. This is actually pretty sad. I mean, this will have a drastic effect on his reformation, 'cause how can he trust Fluttershy now, that his trust was already broken once?
7024171 XD I never realized it would been interpreted like that, that is funny.
7024223 Oooooooo..... that's a good point. Well, I'll try to come up with a solution. Though, the way I see it, it was, or suppose to be, more of a accomplice relationship, not so much as friends, Or I guess the common enemy thing, but I guess I didn't think all the way through when writing it... thanks for pointing it out, I should have been more specific on how Discord sees Shiro as, which I didn't do at all really, just how Shiro sees Discord.
7024273
Accomplices? It's hard to imagine these two just as accomplices. They spend 1000 years in stone together and are at least STONED buddies!
But all seriouslessness (making up words is fun! ) aside, didn't Discord teach him his reality warping powers and wouldn't that act make them closer as accomplices? Discord wouldn't just teach anyone his tricks after all. But that only is of course the case if Shiro got his powers from him, it wasn't explained yet after all. It just struck me as plausible. He is befriended with Discord and has abilities that a Pokemon like him normally doesn't have? Yeah, plausible in a way. At least I couldn't think of another explanation other than 'The Author said he has these powers, so deal with it guys!' as a fourth wall breaker explanation.
7024299 Again, its what I wanted, but didn't properly address in the story, and I think its a little too late to fix that. The faults is my own, whoops. Details are important, just because you (in this case: me) know your characters, doesn't' mean your audience knows them, or relationships that may be present between, I gotta remember that. But, this good make a good conflict for Discord's Redemption, I just got to get to it in the first place. Again thank you for pointing out this blemish, I only hope I explain well enough. I'm not very at thinking ahead I guess.
7024473
property
property
property
LOL
7040425 DAMA AUTO CORRECT!! XD I swear my computer's auto correct (Case in point as it just tired to correct it to connect....) is worse than my own spelling Though, I'll admit it does 'correct' in some amusing way, 'Shlifen (No idea how to spell, I used copy and paste at the time.) Plan? Did you mean Smurfing n Dam?' No XD Thanks for pointing that out though.
7040449 lol.
Btw, Your last post started w/
XD GRAMMAR NAZI
7040500 Nah, I just want my writing to be readable, or a least bearable (Britable?!?!?!? OK, I'm going to check my auto correct (Actually did it correctly)that's not even a word! Funny though) , but only in story, or when I'm writing something. Outside of that, like writing comments or replies I don't mind all that much. It is funny to see what I or my computer screwed (Shrew) up, grammatically and/or spelling.
7040526 LOL!
NOPONY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION
This chapter killed it for me. The second I saw that whole AN/EN not even half a page down from the start, I knew this was going bad. As I scrolled down the chapter, seeing the massive list of videos that eclipse the entire story time by twice its read length, I know this story is going nowhere. It's one thing to put in links to fit moments. It's another to flood the entire chapter with them. At this point you're just a Youtube ad on a fanfiction site.
I kind of agree with a guy that said, that if your really into it and read concentrated, stuff like that can interrupt you and kind of ruin the fun.
This and the "ask the author (Crimson) part, was when I didn't really wanted to read anymore.
Not sure exactly why I don't like it, but I know I'm not the only one and I mean the second character.
Sometimes I don't like it if the main char is introduced alone, and two or three chapters suddenly another one it thrown after him.
In a different story I got 7 chapters long the feeling the main char was still in the prologue of the story, and suddenly next guy, and he needed back to where he was coming from.
That and I don't think fourth wall only mean to talk with the author and stuff like that, even if I have no other example right now.
I forgot she's a pokemon and thought " Is she Jamaican?"
Anyone else feel bad for Discord in this chapter?