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Chapter 1: Waking Up2,280 words
Chapter 2: Waking Up.......Again1,432 words
Chapter 3: Jello and Sedatives1,414 words
Chapter 4: Good Titles Are Hard To Come By1,587 words
Chapter 5: The Part Where I Kill You1,898 words
Chapter 6: Chapter 61,893 words

Chapter 3: Jello and Sedatives

JARED

RAGE METER: ERROR! File 401 'reason.exe' not found

The sun shined through the barred window. RIGHT INTO MY GOD DAMNED EYES. MY RIBS FELT LIKE THEY WERE ON FIRE UNDERNEATH MY SKIN. AND THEN THERE WERE THE TWO MOTHERFUCKERS WHO I HAD BEEN WAITING ON THIS WHOLE DAMN TIME, CELESTIA AND LUNA, WERE LOOKING DOWN ON ME. I lept up and sprinted through the cell door those two stupid shits left open. I knocked over three guards and made it about 20 yards before I was unceremoniously pinned against the nearest stone wall. I could tell by the golden glow surrounding me it was that bitch Celestia who had me pinned. Fuck her. She walked up to me and looked at me.

She looked disappointed.....damn that kinda hurt.

Weird.

She slowly shook her head as if she was ashamed that I was acting that way (Ouch again).

"Nurse Pie, please administer the sedative."

Sedative?!

SHAIN

Things were good right now. like really good. The sun was shining through the big hospital windows, they gave me more marephine, Jared probably wasn't going to be executed, and they brought me jello! I fucking love jello. If jello was a burrito, it would be a very good burrito. Does that make sense? Fuck logic i have jello.

But wait... isn't jello made from... horse hooves? HOLY FUCK CUPCAKES MOMENT. I looked down at the hospital tray with creeping horror. Then i realized... oh wait, i don't care. I proceeded to slurp up the rest of the jello with my muzzle. feelsgoodman.

So just to get you all caught up, this is what happened: after Inkie left, the gaurd ponies came in and asked me some questions about what happened. I tried to play dumb (derp derp pls dont kill alien herp wtfbbq) and they seemed to buy it. I asked if i could talk to him and they said that they'd go get him and bring him here if he was in a cooperative mood. That was an hour and a half ago.

I started to wonder if i should be worried. "Nah.. he wouldn't attack the gaurds or nothin like that... right?"

JARED

Life........life was good, man.

"I don't know what went wrong, Princess. Nopony's ever handled that much marephine before!"

"It's okay Nurse Pie. You couldn't have known."

"Yeeeeaaaaahahhh, don't beat yerself up, man. Ish not yer faults. Wait. Marephine? That shit's fuckin funny!" I slurred.

"Man?" The Princesses, the nurse, and the guards all said in unison.

"It's a term of endearment," Bronze Shield explained tiredly.

"Broooooonze! Buddy! I fuckin love you man! Ya ask out that unicorn yet? Cause if you didn't Imma do it for ya!" I love Bronze!

"Uhm not yet, but erm I'm working on it. Don't...don't do that. But thanks for the uh concern." He was so red man, you shoulda seen the look on his face. Priceless.

"So thou hast spoken with it? We ordered you not to converse with this alien!" Luna barked. Hahaha...Barking ponies.

"Uhm yes Luna. But but but.." He stammered. I had to save Bronze!

"Hey hey hey.......hey. Don't be mad at Bronze! Ish not his fault! I......uh...I used my alien mindpowers to like brainwash him into telling me everything he knew about everything! Yeah that's it!" Not my best work, but damn these tranqs are the shit!

"That makes you a threat to Equestria," Uh oh.....This was bad.

"We will return shortly. Guards, stay here while we discuss our plan of action. Nurse, go back to your patients. Im sure this alien's victim needs some more help recuperating."

Victim...?

Im a threat?

Once again: Fuck me man.......

SHAIN

"We're not ballin! We take it back to the days of yes y'all in', we holdin on to what's golden! On a stage I rage and im rollin!" God I love Jurassic Five. That shit is the golden assault rifle to my colombian drug lord. At this point I was still in my hospital bed, rollin on marephine and had just recently started singing all the 90s rap I knew. Just when I reached the second chorus, Inkie came back.

"Inkie! You're best pony!" I yelled in my slurry drug speech.

"Well thank you!" she replied, oddly undisturbed by my behavior. Actually, its not that odd ifIi think about it, she is the sister of the craziest, awesomest, pinkiest party pony ever. "I have good news too! That alien woke up and you can go see him now, if you're ready."

"Yay! Jared gets pony visits! From me!" Marephine's a hell of a drug...

"Umm okay then, come with me please." she said. I bounced along behind her as she trotted happily out of the hospital and through a courtyard. She led me to a large gray building with bars over the windows It really clashed with the peaceful garden surroundings and was totally unchill. The only good thing about it was the big letters over the front door that read: "Pony Prison of Equestria."

"Ahaha it says P.P.E., thats funny somehow.. I think... why are we here again?" She wisely chose to ignore my rambling and led me inside. We trotted/bounced past a few guard ponies, through a long hallway and turned a corner. Just then...

"YOU!!!!!"

JARED

"YOU!!!!" I scream. They brought the fucking orange and blue unicorn to me! Are they trying to kill him?!

"NURSE!!!!!!! MORE TRANQUILIZER NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yep. That was me yelling that. I didn't wanna hurt any.....Nah i just wanted to get more of that good floaty painless feeling.

"We're out...He got the last of the marephine." The nurse said sheepishly. If I wasn't so pissed I would've enjoyed the concept of sheepish ponies.

"This is getting worse and worse! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-"

"Stop it this instant!" It was Celestia. "You've been acting like a monster this entire time and it is completely unbecoming of you! It is obvious you are intelligent, and Bronze Shield has told us about how you had a warm heart and open ear. So stop behaving like a mindless savage and control yourself!"

"Warm heart and open ear? Who are you and what have you done with Jared!" The drugged pony slurred. Had to agree with him...wait did he just say my name?

Still reeling from the heart shattering moment where Celestia told me off, I forgot all my anger towards him.

"Y-you know my name?"

"YEAAAAH man! It's me! Shain! I'm so glad you killed us in that car accident! This place is great! Have you tried the jello?! Shit's fantastic!"

Celestia telling me off. My friend was a pony. They were out of drugs.
.

EQUESTRIA used SHOCK on JARED!

It's super effective!

JARED Fainted!

SHAIN

I didn't know what was going on.. Jared was yelling, guard ponies were holding him down, Celestia and Luna were in the room, and I had a random fucking song stuck in my head; I just met you, and this is craaaaazy. but here's my number! so call me maybe! Jesus fucking Zeus' balls with a red hot pogo stick I hate that song. But anyway, weren't ponies talking? Yea lets go back to that:

"...you had a warm heart and open ear. So stop behaving like a mindless savage and control yourself!" Wait, that was Celestia.. talking to Jared? lucky bastard! I gotta get in on this.

"Warm heart and open ear? Who are you and what have you done with Jared!" I slurred in my adorable drugged pony voice. I breifly started thinking about jello again, and how fucked up it is that ponies have it.

"Y-you know my name?" he seemed surprised. Before i could think, the pony meds responded for me.

"YEAAAAH man! It's me! Shain! I'm so glad you killed us in that car accident! This place is great! Have you tried the jello?! Shit's fantastic!"

This seemed to be even more shocking to him. Everything I knew about human body language just screamed 'DOES NOT COMPUTE.' I ain't ashamed to say i giggled a little bit. Then he fainted.. rather anti climactic don't you think? srsly at least one of us has been fainting like every chapter. Overused plot device is overused teehee.

I felt like I should do something to break the tension after the only non-pony in the room had fainted so I did the only thing I could do at the time; I dance partied.

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