Pinkamena's POV
My eyes slowly fluttered open and I groaned. A dull throbbing in the back of my head made sure I wouldn't forget to be angry at whoever had knocked me out.
"Oh, she's waking up!"
My vision finally cleared and I saw Twilight staring at me with interest, and at the statement she made, the others flocked towards me.
Sitting up, I realized that 1; I was in Applejack's bed and 2; Rainbow Dash wasn't present.
"Who hit me?" I stated in a neutral tone. In reality, I was holding in my enragement.
Looking between each other, Applejack spoke up.
"Rainbow Dash did."
I growled in anger, completely unsurprised by the answer. "Oh she is in for-"
"But it was an accident!" Fluttershy cut me off quickly, but closed her mouth and hid behind Twilight when I turned my glare towards her.
"Right. She totally didn't simply hate me for no good reason and attack me."
"She didn't; Applejack was trying to hold her back from barging into the barn, and when Rainbow got free, she went flying forwards from the release and crashed into the barn door. A chunk of wood flew at you and hit you in a weak spot on your head."
I didn't believe a word they were saying. The odds of that happening were ridiculously low.
"Then why isn't she here right now?"
Twilight grinned a bit, but quickly hid it with a normal smile. Like I wouldn't see it.
"I'll answer your questions, if you explain to me how a Sonic Rainboom could've possibly made another pony control you."
I groaned and put my face in my hooves. Was I seriously about to go through this same routine again?
"I don't know! All I know is one day I was moving the rocks from the east field to the south field, and then a Sonic Rainboom happened, blowing away everything! When the wind died down, I couldn't move myself, and another pony was in my mind, controlling my every action!"
Twilight stared at me with obvious skepticism, while Applejack had an unreadable look.
Rarity was surprisingly the one to reply first, having stayed silent for so long.
"Pinkie, dear, did you recently fall on your head?"
I burst from the covers of the bed and growled at her, glaring intensely with a look that could kill.
"Did you, Pinkie-Pinkamena?" Twilight asked me curiously, obviously believing Rarity's terrible idea and afraid of my reaction to being called 'Pinkie'.
"NO!"
Rarity and Twilight started discussing taking me to the hospital before Applejack butted in.
"She ain't lyin'."
"Huh!?" was the dual response from the two unicorns.
"She ain't lyin'." Applejack repeated with a passive stare.
"And how do you know that, Applejack?" Twilight asked in a bemused tone.
"'Cause of how angry she's gettin', for starters."
"So? What if she just hit her head and honestly believes a false fact to be true?"
I bit my tongue almost hard enough to draw blood trying to not speak. I realized that my words would fall on deaf ears; I had no choice but to place trust in Applejack.
I suddenly felt hooves feeling the top of my head, and I instinctively twitched away, turning towards whatever had been touching me.
I was a bit surprised to see Fluttershy hovering there, blushing brightly.
"O-Oh, I'm sorry.....I just thought, since I know you're not lying, I could.....check to see if you actually did hit your head or not....."
"Don't. Touch. Me." I said slowly between clenched teeth.
Wanting to help prove me right was one thing, but no way did I appreciate somepony's hooves on me.
"Actually, that's a good idea, Fluttershy." I suddenly felt myself being lifted up by levitation, which I immediately responded to by flailing my legs to try and grab onto anything so that I couldn't get dragged anywhere I didn't want to.
Unable to grab anything, I ended up flailing in midair while Twilight held me in front of her.
"Fluttershy, if you please?"
"O-Okay....but, do you have to hold her like that?"
I ground my teeth together in barely controlled frustration.
'I get pulled away from my potential freedom, I get knocked out, yelled at, disbelieved, and now I've lost control of myself for the most part AGAIN while they do what they want with me!?'
When Fluttershy started feeling my scalp I spat out a few curses, trying to twist away, but was unable to.
'They're...they're not being very nice......'
I was surprised to hear that voice again. She had been silent for a while now. And....was she agreeing with me?
After a couple minutes of torture, Fluttershy stopped checking me for injuries. "She's fine....she didn't hurt herself." The pegasus immediately backed away from me in fear at what I would do.
Smart girl.
"So......she's telling the truth?"
"I told you I was!!! I can hear her in my own head for crying out loud!"
I suddenly was dropped onto the floor, knocking the air out of me.
"You.....what?"
I slapped a hoof over my mouth quickly. In my anger I had accidentally let loose the bit of information that'd make them no doubt attempt to put me back into my prison.
'So you can hear me! Is all that true?'
'Yes, it is! I've told you and everypony else a hundred times by now!'
Pinkie Pie shut up after I said that. Guess I overloaded her brain by making her finally realize that.
"Pinkie's....what?"
"She's......in my mind. I told you already, when the Sonic Rainboom happened I was locked in my own mind, and now we switched places!"
There, I said it. Now to see what horrific methods of sealing me up again they'd try.
"Y-You've been locked inside Pinkie's mind all this time?" Twilight said, slack-jawed, with the other ponies in the room having a similar reaction.
"Today is just the weirdest day....." She shook her head. "Give us some time to wrap our heads around this, okay.....Pinkamena?"
I huffed and turned away from them, which Twilight seemed to take as an okay.
While they did whatever it was they did, I focused my thoughts inwards.
'So. I guess they're going to do some crazy spell to lock me up again.'
'They wouldn't do that....they're nice!'
'Nice?' I scoffed. 'I know you saw what they just did to me. You yourself said they weren't being nice.'
I couldn't believe I was wasting my time talking to Pinkie Pie. But what else was I supposed to do while I waited for them to persecute me more?
'They're....just confused. They don't get what's going on. I think I do now, though......'
I raised an eyebrow and gained a disbelieving look. 'You do? Took you long enough.'
'No, I mean......I understand how you feel.'
'Huh?'
'Being stuck like this for that long....you have every right to be such a grumpy-pants!'
What? Was she.....agreeing with me?
'I didn't know that I was keeping you stuck here in this boring place for so long.....I would've let you out a long time ago if i had!'
I looked down as my emotions went into turmoil. Until I snapped out of my delusions.
'I almost fell for that. You're not fooling me, though; if you think I'm going to give you control agian, you're stupider than I thought. I know that the minute I do you'll never let me out again!'
'No, I'm telling the truth! I really do feel bad for doing this to you......'
I decided to ignore her. Talking to her was just a waste of time.
Besides, it wasn't too long until Twilight walked up to me.
"I think I figured it out, but I'll have to research the topic more to be sure."
"Hmm?" I turned to her and waited for her to continue.
"I think.....based on what I've heard from Pinkie and now you, the Sonic Rainboom induced a huge emotional one-eighty for you. And since the Rainboom itself is partially created due to pegasus magic, it might've caused a split in your personality."
I listened, finally with interest at something she was saying. I'd guessed it was something like that, but I really wasn't sure what.
"I'll be sure to research it more, but.....well, I'd like to know what caused you to switch."
I stared at her for a moment before replying.
"Pinkie Pie thought you all didn't want to be her friends anymore and that you didn't like her parties."
"That's it?"
I nodded in response.
"..........."
"..........."
".....do you think there's any way you can let her back out?"
'And there it is. I knew it was coming.'
'Please? I wanna talk to my friends again......'
"No!" I said loudly in response to both Twilight and Pinkie Pie. "As soon as I do, she'll never let me out again! I'm not going back to being trapped! I've already lost the ability to live my own life growing up from being a filly, and I'm not going to give up my chance to life my life now!"
'But I'll make sure to trade spots with you all the time if you just-'
"Stop lying!" I yelled at her, accidentally saying it aloud instead of thinking it to her.
"Pinkamena.....we'd make sure you'd get to live too!"
I glared at Twilight and stood up, walking towards the bedroom door. "You're all lying to me! All you care about is that evil little jail keeper!"
I reached for the handle but was quickly blocked by Applejack getting in the way.
"Move!" I growled at her. If I had to fight my way out of this, I would. I wasn't staying here any longer.
"Not 'till we talk this out." was the blockade's response.
'Please, Pinkamena, I'll even Pinkie Promise! Oh wait, I can't do that without being able to move my hooves......'
"A Pinkie Promise doesn't mean anything!" I growled.
"Who said anything about a Pinkie Promise?" Applejack said, confused at what I said, thinking it was in response to her.
"Pinkie did!"
Twilight walked in my face, an eerily curious look on her face. "You can hear her?"
I stumbled backwards and stared at her curious face.
'Oh, right. She's a bookworm.'
"Get out of my way! I don't want anything to do with any of you!" I pushed the purple unicorn aside and tried to do the same to Applejack, but she wouldn't budge.
"Pinkamena.....we'd never want to harm anypony, of course we'd let you stay!" Fluttershy said, bravely stepping towards me.
"I'm not believing any of you!"
"We believed you when you told us your story!" Twilight argued me.
"No you didn't! You had to violate me to assure yourselves!"
Twilight stepped backwards one step at my response.
"Let her live her life."
Everyone turned to where the voice came from, and it happened to be coming from the open window, where a certain blue pegasus was leaning in.
"Rainbow Dash? I told you to stay out of here!" Twilight said in surprise.
"And you really thought I'd listen to you?" She laughed.
I just stared at her, wondering what she was getting at.
"How much did you hear, Rainbow?" She responded, exasperated.
"Almost everything. Seriously, what is with you guys? Can't you look at things from her point of view?"
My eyes were wide now. Was she defending me?
"I mean, she basically had her life robbed for years, and the first thing you guys want is for her to lose it again?"
"Not forever! Just so we can talk to Pinkie about this. And weren't you the one angry at her in the first place?"
Rainbow Dash shook her head. "If my friends are in danger, of course I'll get defensive!" She walked towards me, and I hunched down, getting into a defensive position.
But what happened wasn't at all what I expected; Rainbow clapped a wing on my back and said to the others, "So that's why I'm defensive of Pinkamena here!"
"Wha- but...." At first I wasn't sure who said that, but then I realized it was me.
'Dashie's the greatest!'
The others, unaware of Pinkie Pie's speech, had mixed expressions between them.
Twilight sighed. "Pinkamena, you go out and do what you want to do. Just please don't leave Ponyville." She looked down. "We won't bug you to let Pinkie out anymore. Just.....don't leave Ponyville, alright?"
I looked between them all. Thinking through my options, I realized that if this really was the case, then as long as I agreed to this then they'd be off my back. And it's not like I had anywhere else to go.
I sighed and closed my eyes.
"Alright."
__________________________________________________________
Third-Person
After Pinkamena left the room, presumably to head into town, the room erupted with accusations and questions.
"Why'd you go and do a thing like that, Twilight? Are you just writing Pinkie Pie off as gone!?" Applejack questioned.
"Of course not!" The unicorn shook her head. "I just think that if we let her live here, she'll eventually realize she can trust us, and agree to let Pinkie Pie out on her own!"
Not everypony in the room agreed to that plan's chances of working, but it was too late now, so they all agreed to go through with it.
'We'll get Pinkie Pie back, no matter what it takes!' Twilight concluded in her thoughts.
5829528 yeah I kinda know what you mean. Things like flavor text and properly getting across things in a good way that flows isnt my strong suit. Im working on it tho through. Thanks for the advice :)
who else sees twilight going crazy scientist on pinkamina when she realizes that she doesn't intend to let pinkie out of her own free will? maybe even try to get the elements of harmony involved. huh, would they even work with pinkamina in the drivers seat?
5829540 XD psycho Twilight is pretty funny.
5829544 depends on the situation. if it's just her going psycho, and no ones being harmed, then yeah it's funny. but if someone we (the readers) have come to care about is being harmed or wronged in some way by her when she's lost it, then it's annoying, or even out-right infuriating.
5829552 yeah thats true.
5829540 They'd have to replace her. Spike could be the new Pinkie Pie.
My suspension of disbelief almost broke here. Twilight Sparkle, who upon being hit by the wave of energy from that same Rainboom went into a magic flare that hatched spike's egg, turned everyone in the room into potted plants, and then grew newly hatched spike into spikezilla, doesn't believe the Pinkamena could have been affected by the Rainboom.
She more than anyone else in the world should understand exactly how powerful and transformative that Rainboom was.
Twilight also asks Pinkamena to explain it when she herself cannot explain or even understand half the things that Pinkie Pie does, as Feeling Pinkie Keen demonstrated before.
I also liked the bizarre reverse logic that Pinkie Pie hit her head somehow and had a complete shift of personality; I mean, that'd be the second complete shift of personality. The first being, of course, the Rainboom itself. Or do they not remember Pinkie Pie's story?
I don't understand Rainbow Dash's shift of position. Pinkamena would probably be the first to declare that Rainbow Dash is enemy #2 to her (after Pinkie Pie, of course). Rainbow risks losing her friend; her friend she just broke up her friendship with Gilda over. That said, her position, as confusing as it may be, is much better than
How very Ends Justify The Means. I'm sorta getting an image in my mind of the travestry of Lesson Zero, where Celestia had to show up and intervene to stop Twilight.
Is her cutie mark the same?
Another thought I just had; The fact that Pinkamena was knocked unconscious in the first place IS THE PROOF. If she were Pinkie Pie, her Pinkie Sense would have warned her in advance. But there was no Pinkie Sense shown.
5829649
Why? There is no indication that the rainboom did anything more than what popping a balloon behind her head would do.
5830051
The thing is, Pinkie Pie could just be an alternate personality, that has been in control for about ten years, ,magic is weird like that, and Twi cannot explain how Pinkie Pie powers work.
5829674
Yeah that works.
5830051
It's tagged AU, and we know something happened that was different. All I have is speculation though.
Rainbow Dash's first Sonic Rainboom was shown to be pretty special in terms of destiny stuff. You would have a hard time arguing a coincidence that all the Element Bearers were connected by it AND all gained their cutie marks from it. Her other Sonic Rainbooms since then haven't been shown to be nearly as transformative. Could have been a one time thing or everyone who would have been affected by it was from the first one.
Then again I know at least one story (Cutie Mark Allocation Agency) where the Sonic Rainboom IS portrayed to always cause things like cutie marks to appear but the Cutie Mark Crusaders are so hopeless that not even multiple Sonic Rainbooms do anything for them.
You might be able to make the case that the Element of Laughter being connected to Pinkamena at that moment may have caused it. I don't like that idea because it implies something very negative about an Element of Harmony. Pinkamena DID suffer from it after all.
You might be able to make the case that Pinkamena had the potential for Pinkie Pie in her all along and it just expressed itself like Twilight having her very first flare on her entrance exam. I don't like this theory either because it implies that Pinkamena went crazy at that moment and was basically a born schizophrenic.
I'm not really sure what to believe, but I'm circling around the idea of a kind of possession brought about by Pinkamena being in a susceptible state that the Sonic Rainboom caused, similar to how Nightmare Moon 'possessed' Luna when she was emotionally vulnerable in many stories. I usually dislike that kind of interpretation of Nightmare Moon, but I find it better than the other two theories I mentioned above.
I had a scene idea, feel free to take it if you want:
Pinkamena washing her hair, finding all the junk that Pinkie Pie usually leaves in it.
5830241
a. Schizophrenia has genetic factors that get activated. If she has it, she was born with that potential.
b. That we don't see anyone else get marks from further booms is a factor of the pov not evidence that it didn't happen. And no, I wouldn't have a hard time arguing that they all got marks around that time being a coincidence because that's the default assumption. They didn't get their marks at the exact same time, so that's not a thing, presumably at the least some artistic foal was inspired to get their mark by the giant rainbow, so its not evidenced that the 6 are unique in getting marks in part because of the boom. That a large far reaching, "beautiful" event caused life defining moments to occur isn't that surprising.
5830322
a) That's assuming that this is Schizophrenia. I agree with you that she'd have to been born with that potential, that's why I don't like the theory.
b) This ignores that the Tree of Harmony had Twilight Sparkle's Cutie Mark before she was born, meaning that she was destined to become the third Alicorn to wield an element(s). If that one part is destiny, the other 5 being affected at the same time (and while it may not have been at the exact same moment, it was the cause for all of their cutie marks eventually) can also be explained as destiny.
It MIGHT be a coincidence, but I think it's a harder argument to make than not being destiny. I don't claim it couldn't cause others to get their cutie marks, I just said it was special for those six somehow.
Yay!
You're a writing machine, ShadowKirby!
I really like how you treated the characters, especially Rainbow Dash.
Keep up the good work!
PS:
Found a tiny mistake.
live my life
5829540 Wouldn't the elements destroy Pinkie like they did Nightmare moon? Leaving only Pinkiemena?
5830380
a. I make no judgement on it, but I also doubt that pinkie has schizophrenia
b. Why would you assume that the because the mark is on there it is given that Sparkle has destiny, would it not be easier to say that given they knew it represented magic that she got sparkles on her butt because of the previous association rather than it being on there because of her.
Also, it clearly doesn't have a direct relation to alicornness because Cadence isn't on there and she wields power more closely related to it than sun or moon.
5829649 yeah even I was a bit conflicted on my characterization of them. I guess I really still need a lot of practice writing those characters......I've never tried to before this story ^^;
Thanks for the constructive criticism :)
5829651 Yeah, she looks just like in Party of One.
5830456 oh I thought I put a v there. Thanks for pointing that out.
Now that's something I never thought I'd hear anyone say to me XD
Since y'know, normally it takes me weeks to write a new chapter. But I've been making a new one once a day, and it's not hard at all, because I know so many people are excited to read it!
Yeah I really wasn't sure if I was writing Rainbow Dash well or not while I was writing it, so I'm glad you like it!
5830257 I actually really like that idea XD
But she has straight hair now, how would Hammerspace still work?
She's going to feel bbetrayed when she figures out the whole thing.
5830796 probably.
5830812 Then they lose all the progress. Should have saved noobs!
5830813 lol
well you haven't seen any later chapters because they haven't been written yet, so you don't know what'll happen for sure
....I'm thinking of ways to solve this and ive got one that's only slightly unethical. Use the mirror pool to make 1 clone. Zap out its mind and transfer in one of the duo. Boom problem solved....unless purplesmart tries to lazerblast Pinkamena so things return to the status quo.
5830816 DAMN!
5830875 creative idea ^_^
5830891 why thank you.
5830885 lol well why would you want to anyways? that'd almost entirely ruin the point in reading it, wouldn't it?
This is a fantastic story, can't wait for more.
5831127 Thanks! ^_^
5830535
Except it also had Celestia and Luna's cutie marks on it too.
I did think of it, my exact words:
Cadance never used the elements. Hers is related to the Crystal Heart. A different kind of destiny.
5830587
That's the joke isn't it? How you want that to play out is what could make it funny or just weird. Either or may be good. Ignoring it would be a missed opportunity in my opinion.
5830552
You'd be surprised how many authors have trouble with all of the main characters. Many can usually get a few of them right (for instance I think your Pinkie Pie is good), but better authors tend to just try and stick to a few key characterizations when the characters they are weak with appear and then try to keep them out of the story as much as possible. I can't count all the times some authors had the main six in a scene and Fluttershy barely said a word or did anything. While that's partly true of her characterization, at least early on, those authors use it as an excuse to just not worry about writing her at all.
Their position in the storyline doesn't help either. It's pre-Discord, pre-Gala, but post everything else that happened in the first season. While I don't like every episode, some of them have key characterization moments where the character should act differently from then onwards (Example: after A Friend in Deed Pinkie Pie is much better about backing off from having everyone be her friend and be sociable. Before then she could be rather pushy about it.). Part of the reason everyone sets their stories post Sombra whenever possible is that at that point most of the characters' personalities have set into what they will basically be for the rest of the show. At least until Twilight becomes an Alicorn, but that's a different can of worms obviously.
Finally, the situation where their friend is missing and what to them seems like an imposter makes writing their reactions be really difficult. But here are a few tips:
Applejack is Honesty. She believes in being blunt and simple, straightforward solutions whenever possible. She is probably the second most insightful pony in Ponyville (after Rarity) and pretty wise provided it doesn't include her own behavior. She's naturally very friendly but dislikes ponies who appear shady or dishonest. Lastly, she is the most stubborn of them all.
In this situation Applejack should be nicer, but would definitely pick up that Pinkamena is hiding things, and seize upon Pinkamena trying to hide that Pinkie Pie is trapped in her mind. She'd point out that Pinkamena is just dooming Pinkie Pie to the same fate and that regardless of the situation, Pinkie Pie exists too and is her friend. She'd be the last pony to let Pinkie Pie go, though she'd be obligated to give Pinkamena a try.
Rarity is all about dramatics when in drama mode she can exaggerate quite a bit. She's the most insightful pony in Ponyville, right before Applejack but unlike Applejack she loves to meddle. She is the queen of gossip and reaction shots, but also will very rarely be caught off-guard by something; She almost always can think of a reply for almost any situation. She thinks she is required to be polite in all situations, even when she is complaining, but if she gets angry enough she'd drop that politeness and the crass version of Rarity will peak through for a few seconds until she gets control of herself. Of all the characters I'd say Rarity is the most witty and the most likely to tell a subtle joke. She is of course incredibly generous as well, but she is also a business owner so she has to constantly balance that.
Many authors like to use Rarity for reaction shots. Few of them do her social manipulations well. In this situation I'd say the social manipulations are key; she'd be the first to try and understand Pinkamena by talking to her, to pry answers and hidden meanings. She'd want to know about Pinkie Pie, but she'd phrase it like it was her duty as a friend to ask. She'd want to know what it was like being trapped in the mind and she'd show the most sympathy about the experience. Like Applejack she'd probably mention that Pinkie Pie is suffering like Pinkamena did, but she'd be more subtle about it. Lastly I expect Rarity to arrange to have all of Ponyville made aware of what is going on and thus have them all walking on eggshells around Pinkamena.
Fluttershy is Kindness and reserved. While she is shy amongst new ponies or in difficult situations, she is more reserved amongst her friends provided they aren't about to violate anothers' rights. She makes no distinction between animals and ponies, at least in treating them with respect and kindness. She also has what another author called a "Wounded Bird mode" where she would become incredibly concerned and forceful about a wounded animal/pony's health. She can be easily startled but she can also be surprisingly stubborn depending on the situation. She is also fairly insightful about how others tick and I love it when authors portray her that way. She would be extremely hesitant to say a bad thing and would verbally stumble around it but when she snaps she'll yell it if necessary (if not be immediately embarrassed by it afterwards). While she does have some verbal ticks in using verbal filler words "umm" "if you don't mind that is" "excuse me...", it isn't nearly as often as many authors portray her, like every other line. But it's often enough that their complete absence would appear weird too.
Fluttershy here I think you are doing well, though she may be more forceful when checking Pinkamena's health. She'd also be the first pony I would have expected to sympathize with her, though like Rarity she'd eventually point out that Pinkie Pie is suffering too. She'd be really nice to Pinkamena, though she would be shy until she got to know her because she is effectively a new pony. She'd probably have to work herself up about it, doing it for Pinkie Pie to keep interacting with a hostile pony that she'd normally avoid.
Twilight Sparkle isn't as hard as you may think. She has many personality flaws, but she is also the most complex character. She is still learning about this friendship thing at this point so she'd still be fairly awkward about it. She has a habit of not taking into consideration others opinions when she gets 'into the zone' and can be incredibly pushy, but once she realizes (even if late) that she is overstepping her bounds she'll bounce back her behavior like a rubber band and apologize profusely. She is bitter about not being able to understand Pinkie Pie but keeps it buried for the most part. She takes it as her personal duty to understand everything scientific and magical about a situation. She is too dependent at this point of the story on Princess Celestia's opinion and would definitely consult her.
As a student of friendship and the fact that Pinkie Pie is the Element of Laughter (that almost certainly can't be used by Pinkamena), she'd take it as her personal mission to fix the situation, though exactly what kind of 'fix' is something she'd agonize over and she'd definitely over think the situation to work herself into a mania before she would use the breathing technique to calm herself down... if she can. Many authors love winding Twilight Sparkle up, because it's probably the most predictable thing about MLP. But her flaws and her sincere desire to improve herself when they appear as what makes her interesting as the main character of MLP.
You have her being a little too smug in this situation (I would have expected more genuine confusion), but otherwise her taking charge is something that would happen. She would want to run tests on Pinkamena, and she may be able to talk her into it by mentioning that if they have some way to detect a trapped personality it could be something they could use to help others that may be in her situation. She will be incredibly stubborn on not giving Pinkie Pie up and be a little awkward and transparent about it, but she will make the effort to try and get Pinkamena's friendship too, if she can. If a 'fix' to the problem comes from anywhere that doesn't involve just time-sharing the body, it would come from Twilight Sparkle. Twilight however would want more than anyone else to talk to Pinkie Pie though. But even if they swapped back and Pinkie Pie makes the claim that Pinkamena vanished, Twilight wouldn't believe it. She has a need to fix things and once she really understands Pinkamena's situation she'll want to fix it, working herself into the ground if necessary.
Rainbow Dash is one of those characters that is hard to write. I'd say she is the hardest character to write in MLP fandom because many authors really dislike her and latch onto her abrasive personality traits to justify her acting like a jerk. Other authors really like her and really ignore those same traits and it feels pretty OOC to have the nice if a little 'too cool for school' Rainbow Dash as the only interpretation. She's complex but tries to appear not complex. She cares about others' opinions of her even though she tries to appear above that. Her public image is very important to her, just after Rarity's public image. She is the most confrontational right above Applejack (hence their rivalry), but she also knows when to back off and while her attempts to make nice will definitely be awkward, she will still attempt it. She is Pinkie Pie's best friend out of all the others (though if Pinkie Pie is Rainbow's best friend or Applejack is depends on the author writing the story), and they are pranking buddies too.
Rainbow will be the first to point out that others are over thinking things and she likes simple solutions whenever possible. To Rainbow the solution is quite simple: Time-sharing the body. But like she said in the latest chapter, Pinkamena deserves time in control because she's been locked away for so long (she may be the only one to think that Pinkamena deserves anything beyond just simple time-sharing), regardless of what happens later. Freedom is a very important concept to Rainbow, and while she sympathizes with Pinkamena she definitely won't let her lock Pinkie Pie away forever for the same reason.
I feel Rainbow's portrayal has been a little too quick to be confrontational and violent thus far, but she is settling down into how I think she would act. I don't agree with her explanation though. I'd expect something more along these lines:
"Look. I know Pinkie Pie, she's my friend. I don't know you and as far as I'm concerned you are taking her away from us. But... *scratches back of her head* If what you said is true then you deserve to live and enjoy your life too. So I'm going to fight for your right to do that for now. *Eyes narrow and she flutters closer* But don't think I'll just let Pinkie Pie disappear! *gives Pinkamena a long look* I guess you are kinda like her sister and I'll treat you as such. So-- The name's Rainbow Dash and I'm the fastest flier in Equestria! *makes 'and you' gesture with her hoof*"
5830920 Curiousity.
5831445 Okay that was a really long comment, and I'm glad you took the time to try and help me out so much ^_^
When i write my stories, I write it all in one go, then reread it and edit everything. Once.
Hindsight is something I hate; after I make a chapter, I instantly tend to dislike it and see so many problems with my own writing and things I think I should've done differently. Also, writing this scene shows me that I am TERRIBLE at writing a scene with more than 3 characters.
I so badly want to go back and redo this entire chapter, heck this entire story after what you've said, but I think it's too late for that; better to learn from my mistakes and get better with time.
I'm going to take your descriptions to heart when I write my next chapter and try to turn things around into proper characterization, thanks so much for all the advice!
IT is nice to see Dash rushing to Mina's defense even if she is not the same pony she knew. I like it as it shows that subconsciously Dash knows that while they are different they are also related in a way they do not understand yet.
5833198 Yeah ^_^
also, MAGIC MISSILE! XD
Tensions have risen!
5833905 yup
*Insert lengthy response here*
I am really loving this, though the Dash thing kinda caught me off guard.
I speak for many when I say 'More!'
5836249 Thank you for the nice comment! ^_^ I kinda needed to hear that as my self-confidence in this story has been wavering ^^;
5836255 Ah, I know the feeling. I abandoned many sketches because of that lacking. Not so much anymore though.
If I could draw ponies, though, I'd certainly want to do one for this!
5836373 Hehe thanks ^_^
Every little bit of positive attention I get on this story brings my mood up a bit. It was insane the first couple days, getting like a million views and favourites all the time, and it was one of my best days ever.
Now it's slowed down and every little comment still helps me feel better.
5831445
Maybe you should write your own version of this story?
5842456
Is this a "write your own story if you have so many complaints" comment?
The author admitted to characterization being their weak point, I tried to give my opinion on characterization to help their future writing...
5842482 Not to make you feel awkward or anything, but um....I'd recommend not assuming people's gender in the future ^^;
5842504
As you wish, my apologies. I was just going by your avatar, usually people don't mind it even if it's wrong because of that.