Ponies and Interdimensional Travel

by Lain_UX

Deal or No Deal

Well, that night didn't go too well. Twilight pretended to ignore the whole 'hair-brushing' thing and so did I. I woke up after finally going through minor surgery done by Elizabeth, the only one who had clean hands after everything was cleaned up. She didn't fare too well, and she didn't get an ounce of sleep. I guess I would, but wouldn't you know it. I'm an psychotic teen with science and pony problems. I'm a little different.

Today was my day of community service. I had to clean and fix what I destroyed, and today wasn't going to be too fun. My clothes smelled like crap and my hair was in every which direction. Taking a look in the mirror I saw myself in a new light. I was now a full 2D character, with every detail of my actual look and charm. My blond hair was in a wreck, and my glasses were twisted, which didn't accent my tired blue eyes too well. My pale skin was even paler from the wreck of a night and I didn't want to look in a mirror again as long as I lived. Combing my hair into a business cut I threw on my red polo shirt and jeans and headed out the door with my backpack.

"Wait!" Twilight said, bursting out the front door with excitement, "I have something that you might like to have. It's not something you could lug around in that saddlebag, but I just want you to be excited for something when you get back."

"Well, spit it out girl, you got me excited!" My hair shot straight up into the air and fell back into my usual hairstyle. Business cut, but in a lightning storm. I said it before and I'll say it again. Looking good is awesome, but my 'good' is different from your 'good'.

"Here it is!" She levitated a huge typewriter in front of me and shook it a bit. She gleamed with extreme happiness and awaited my response.

"Wow! A typewriter? With more than two keys?"

"What? Only school editions of typewriters have two keys, and how did you know what a typewriter is?" She shook her head and continued, "Forget it, you have stuff to do, get back soon and we'll go to Rarity's for clothing!"

"Aw thanks Twi. I left a soda in the fridge," Twilight smiled a bit more and shivered. "take some if you need it. The red electric liquid is for emergencies only, as in, if Pinkie Pie touches it the world will implode."

"What's in it?" She was a little frightened at the prospect of having a world self-destruct sequence in her icebox, specifically one that was Pinkie Pie activated.

"Red Bull, an energy drink, Coca-Cola, 5 Hour Energy, which is a shot of energy that will keep you up more than the name implies, coffee, taurine, a potent energy source, and Gatorade, a drink filled with electrolytes. Keep it away from Spike for me please." Spike would love to see it, but he didn't actually meet me yet. He was asleep for the most part and I wouldn't see him until lunch. Join the Hand Parade I guess.

"Don't worry, I have some work to do anyways so I'll only have a soda or two today. Have fun putting up drywall!"

"You know I won't!" I said in a sing-song voice. Today was going to be a long day, and with Celestia breathing down my back it's not going to be a fun one either. Today was a day like no other, filled with drywall repair, repainting, cleaning the stage of tomatoes, and another meeting with Celestia on a 'go-home portal'. Fun.

I quickly stopped on a dime and turned around. "Wait, why are you being really nice to me? All I've did was destroy your night and break your lamp. Why the gift?"

She giggled. "It's not a gift, it's a trade, silly. I'm going to ask you a million questions as soon as you get back, and I'm not too mad about last night, neither of the events, actually." She winked. Fack.

"Well, thanks. I'll leave you to writing your questions, and I hope you have enough information to work with." I turned around from the door and started walking, then turned around and said, "By the way, most humans have all of the world's history at a couple clicks on a keyboard, and no one ever talks to each other in New York, and friendship isn't magic. Just an FYI." I smirked and walked towards town hall with a silly walk in every step, attempting to look as casual as possible. Ponies everywhere were either giving waves or glaring at me with the power of a thousand suns. Note to self: Q&As are autistic (as some people would call it) in nature when first coming to Equestria and nobody likes them.

My mood has considerably dropped since the tantrum I threw, and I wasn't too proud of that. Maybe Celstia would look past it, I don't know. I really hope she will. I mean, Celestia wasn't too pissed when Nightmare Moon came back...right?

Anyways, if you haven't noticed, the typewriter that was gifted to me is what I use to type in posts and transcripts of whatever happens here. We're caught up now, so buckle down and enjoy the ride and entertainment of:

DRYWALL REPAIR! dun dun DUNNNNNN

Taylor Note: Tal found the size switch. Oh joy.

Town Hall was much more grand at day than at night, but that was a little ruined by the holes on the inside. The stage was lined with tomatoes and litter, uh, littered the ground. There were holes on the walls separating the mayor's office from the rest of the hall, and the some other pieces of trash were stuck to the curtains. Oh dear God this was going to suck.

Two guards escorted me in the most violent way possible to the office and sat me down. One went outside and the other stayed in. The door opened again and Princess Luna herself came into the room. I guess Celestia was a bit too busy with the sun; not that I was mad about that or anything. Luna would probably understand me more than Celestia would, and I would need all the help I can get.

An old pony walked into the room soon after Luna and sat at the desk. He sat a typewriter and ink pad down and placed a paper before me. It looked like a criminal record of sorts, but it had hoofprints, instead of fingerprints. He cleared his throat and started to question me.

"Name?"

"Tal."

"Surname?"

"..."

"Surname?"

I've never really used my surname before. I guess Tal would be unique enough on it's own, being the best nickname ever and all, but would I really give out my last name?

"Sir?"

"Commander Flankcheeks."

"What?"

"My name is Commander Tal Flankcheeks, owner of several battlefleets in the U.S. Navy. My surname is Flankcheeks."

"Please sir, your real surname."

"I don't have one. If you really want to put down a surname, put down The Dude. The Dude can be my surname. As dumb as it sounds, The Dude will be my goto for now."

"Okay, Mr. The Dude."

"Call me Tal."

"I will need your hoofprints, but seeing as you have claw-like appendages, I will need only the base of your claw for printing."

I guess he was asking for my palm, so I inked my palm and smooshed it into the paper. I took my other palm and did the same. Cleaning off my hands with a paper towel I asked a question.

"If you don't mind me asking, is this a criminal record?"

"Yes sir."

"And what am I being accused of?"

"Vandalism of the town hall, of course. We're going to let the unplanned party slide, and the young unicorn you threw your device at decided not to press charges."

"What's the fine? Community service, a fine, or jail time?" Please no jail time. I don't think they'll give it, but they might.

"Community service, along with banishment back to your own world, on account of your outburst earlier."

I threw myself back into my seat and slumped. "Ugh... Drywall and curtain repair?"

"Yes sir."

"UGH...Too much work."

"If you can't do the time don't do the crime, sir."

"I didn't mean to do a crime. I just...did."

"That's what most people say, sir."

"I'm not most people. Sorry if I'm being cynical, but I'm feeling that I'm a bit more than just a common delinquent, am I not?"

"Indeed," chimed in Luna, "that is why I have come here. I have made a proposition based off of last night's...events..."

"Where's the ol' Canterlot Royal Accent?"

She shrugged as humanly as possible. "Sister has made me take lessons. The Royal Voice scares ponies too much for it to be used informally. I have a deal for you. Mr. Inkprint, would you kindly give us some time?"

"Yes Princess." He said, walking out of the room.

"Shoot." I said.

"What?"

"Tell me what the deal is."

"Oh. Right. I understand you have put in thousands of pony-hours to make this journey a possibility?"

Haha. Wow. So wrong. "Yep. Many hours were spent, you could say that."

"I do not agree with Sister's exile, and as such, we have come to an agreement."

"Something in my favor?"

"Yes. You are allowed to stay here," Mental break-dance party. "but you must be a full-time citizen with all of the responsibilities of a normal pony. You must have a job, and a Cutie Mark of some sort, as not to confuse anyone else."

"I get to design my own, right?"

"We get the final say, but it's mostly your design."

"Great. Do I still room with Twilight, or do I get a house of my own?"

She waved her hand. "As a normal citizen of Ponyville, you are entitled to all privileges and rights in the Constitution. You may share housing with Twilight with permission, or buy or rent a house for the time being. But there is a second part to the deal."

Groan. "The part where you two Princesses profit?"

She nodded. "Yes. You need to make a return portal within a year and send Alec back, and make sure no one can come back here. At that moment, you can pick which world you want to stay in."

"Doesn't sound like you're getting a profit."

"Of course we are! You have to pay taxes. Ponyville is notoriously known for it's high taxes. We're making a bigger profit than some alien kid going to new dimensions." She winked.

I bit my lip for a second. "Can Taylor and Elizabeth stay?"

"As long as they do their part, so yes."

"Thank you so much Princess Luna. I still have one question."

"Shoot." She said with another wink.

"Having three more citizens to pay taxes doesn't sound like something hugely profitable. If it was, wouldn't Princess Celestia agree to this sooner? Is there a more personal reason you're letting me stay here?"

She sighed a bit, and then fixed her posture and cleared her throat. "Sister doesn't really *like* aliens the way I do. She looks at them from a political standpoint, but I look at them from something like a discoverer's view. You did see my banishment to the moon in your story-show?" I nodded. "Well, I've seen things there no one here could ever hope to see in their lifetime. I saw many strange creatures that kept me alive for my time there. I've devoted most of my free time to studying creatures no one has seen before, but up to a week ago I've given up."

"If you stay here I'll make sure you have a comfortable life. But the real pony you have to look out for is Celestia. She won't support you like I'm doing so. As far as I know, you're going to be her biggest help in the next meeting with some of the other leaders in Equestria."

"What‽" Found the interrobang button, yay. "What do you mean, I'm going to help‽"

"Celestia was wrongly accused of, uh, racism. She wants to use you as an example of a unknown race that she *totally doesn't have any problems* with."

"So I'm not going to be fighting crime or saving the world, I'm just going to sit pretty and pretend Celestia didn't nearly banish me from something I spent so much time trying to get to? I can do that."

This is going to be pretty great. The horrible Q&A didn't get me much attention other than rude stares, but as an example of a Princess being good and not evil and racist? Wait, hold on. Let me get back to you on that.

"So, just fix the walls and clean up the stage, and you'll be good to go. I'll go get your paperwork ready for your citizenship." She turned around and started to walk out the door, but then she stopped and said, "Oh, watch out for Sister. She'll be sucking up to you, as Taylor said."

"What did Taylor say?" It was too late, she already walked out the door. Dang. Before writing this part of the log, I've asked Taylor what he said. He won't tell. Nor will he put in an editor's note. Maybe later.

I walked out of the office and stared at the walls. Holes were strewn in the general vicinity of the office door, and the stage was covered with tomatoes. As far as I know, I'm supposed to be doing all of the work.

It's going to be a long day.

Author's Note:

Whew! Another 2K chapter for you guys! I've got some crazy ideas for the future, mostly involving schools, Princesses being Princesses, and maybe some Twilight.

Hopefully I don't freak out and make another Q&A session. That would suck.

[We've fired Rusty Shackleford and hired a man named Frank to help with the foreign goodbyes. His works starts tomorrow. Tal is in charge of filling in the goodbye section for the day.]

Comments

[Ink Sword]

Alright, why did you give Tal fourth wall breaking powers?