> Ponies and Interdimensional Travel
>  by Lain_UX
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Coke and Ponies
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	It was a bright, sunny day for all to play and enjoy. Summertime was here, and almost ended, and no doubt everyone was outside enjoying the sprinkler parties and opening sodas. School was still in session, but not for most people, as the failure students were tapping on their desk, staring outside the window.

Of course, it wasn't my kind of weather. I'm more of a storm guy, as sunlight is either non-existent or burning hot sun-rays filled with evil radiation that is brimming with joy of burning my pale skin. You may have guessed I'm still inside, enjoying myself on the computer, drinking Coke. There is only one type of coke I like, and it's name is Coca-Cola. I had a six-pack of coke in the fridge, just a ten second dash to the fridge in case of emergency.

What could I be doing on the computer that would keep me inside, you may ask? It would be ponies, with a sprinkle of quantum physics. Although I had nearly no idea what quantum physics is, I had a rough idea of it. Weird and outlandish science experiments such as Schrödinger's cat. Of course, ponies were interesting enough to warrant some fun ideas of suddenly warping to Equestria and bro-hoofing a fellow pony and that sort of stuff.

I like to keep to myself, having only about an hour of face-time with people a week was fine by me. I never had a good time with anyone, let alone having any joys of summer fun. I do have one friend, named Taylor, who is a brony and a great kid. He'll join me in whatever thought springs into my mind, not even having a clue what comes out of my vocal cords. That tells you that you've got a friend. Not understanding them, but understanding enough to stick with them whatever may come their way.

I invent quite a bit, tinkering with gizmos and gadgets people have made. One time I made a coke robot that would transport carbonated water with the all famous syurp to my desk, but it ended up tipping over - with an opened coke. Another time I built an A.I to help me, but he went and somehow tipped over with soda too.

Nonetheless, I have always stuck by science as my nature. Science has made many great inventions and thought-provoking lectures that I can't keep myself away from. Quantum physics made it to my desk, and now I wrote an essay about it.

Even though science is pretty freaking sweet, it gets boring after a while. Science doesn't exactly give extra credit, nor did it improve my social life. I had a hole in my life as well, one that was created a long time ago by some girl. Video games fill the hole, but ponies made me a non-Newtonian fluid to fill the gaping boredom hole of life (I'm done with the puns now).

Taylor was busy spinning around in his chair, thinking about how ponies could fly planes, while I watched some animated clips of talking equines in a country ruled by another talking equine with a unicorn and wings. I was watching one of the episodes where Twilight attempted to figure out Pinkie Pie's strange antics. I was just considering doing the challenge where you would have to watch all of the episodes in a 24 hour time-frame with less than an hour break.

"Hey, Tal, what if we could travel to Equestria or something. How would they see us?" Taylor said, in a monotone voice. Obviously he was bored.

"I don't know. I have read fan-made stories of ponies reacting negatively, on the flip-side, some are positive reactions. However, there is no possible way we can possibly figure out how the reaction would be." I replied in a professor's voice.

"So could we be able to go to Ponyville?"

"The odds are against us, I don't think we could go even if we tried on a huge budget."

Taylor considered an idea, but trashed it in the mental Recycling Bin. Taylor had a knack for ponies, he would think up theories, with my help of course, about how we could probably go to the magical land of ponies. I would always come up with an explanation of how we couldn't. Taylor didn't want to go as badly as I wanted to, but I still had to stick to science. Of course, when I'm on a sugar high, I get some weird ideas (and embarrass myself in the process).

Taylor spun around in his chair, thinking up an idea. He thought long and hard, and questioned everything he knew.

"Can't you make some sort of portal thingy that could magically take us to wherever?" Taylor hopefully asked.

I thought hard for a moment. "Maybe, I'll try tonight. It's 4:00 PM, your mom may want you back by now."

Taylor left with a wave and rushed out the door onto his skateboard. As much as I may like wooden boards with wheels, I preferred scooters and bikes. I watched him through the window as he preformed an ollie and picked up speed. I was thinking about my promise, and considered something. I rushed to Google and started working.

Before I knew it, the grandfather clock in the living room struck 9:00, and I turned off my monitor (Turning off computers is basically wasting your time). I took off my clothes and jumped into a t-shirt and some boxers, and dove into bed and tried to think about what I researched online, which was nothing of the sort I could find. I tossed and turned, and stared out the window as some kids were finishing up their game of Manhunt. I slowly went to sleep as I started building a mental blueprint for another one of my inventions. I dreamed of metal beams melting and forming into a circular shape. I dream of bolts flying into the holes. I even dream of cables connected from the portal to the computer to program the portal to other places. I had ideas alright, ideas of controlling wherever we could go just with a couple clicks and taps on the keyboard. We could easily become pirates, or dance on the moon. We could become warriors in battle, or a doctor healing others.

For some reason my active brain would sometimes get lost off track, and imagination kicks in. I feel like a toddler again, no worries of anything other than nighttime, for it ends my play and fun. Nighttime is but a hindrance to our progress in life as we build amazing things. Dusk gives us the illusion of a death of the fun we had that day, and all we have are memories. As my mind falls off track and thinks up something new, my subconscious is busy at work writing the blueprint.
> Meanwhile...
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	The sun was quickly setting in Ponyville, and storm clouds were being moved in by the weather pegasi. The sun was behind storm clouds, making the day seem to set faster than it was actually moving. Something wasn't right in the town of talking ponies, but as of then, Pinkie Pie didn't care.

Pinkie was working overtime at the bakery, as tomorrow was Twilight's birthday. Twilight had spent many months with her friends that she forgot her own birthday. Luckily for her, Pinkie wasn't going to let that happen. The pink pony waited for what seemed like hours, until the oven beeped. The cupcakes were finally done, and then was the time for the purple icing and sprinkles to be placed on the cupcake. Pinkie was less hyperactive, having a long day attempting to keep Derpy away from the muffin display stand. As the last cupcake was glazed, Pinkie put the cupcakes into a safe, not about to let Derpy or anypony else get the cupcakes before the party.


Applejack tipped her hat and called it a day, for she and Rarity have finally finished decorating the barn for the party. Although they spent more time arguing over the decorations then actually working, they finally finished the barn for Twilight, knowing her, they already got the presents set up, all of them being either books or book sets. They weren't sure what Twilight would like, so they got a bunch of advanced magic books into those little baggies people give you when they're too lazy to decorate. Rarity dusted her dress off, waved goodbye to the hard-working pony, and trotted back to the beauty parlor.

Rainbow Dash attempted one last time to get Fluttershy to yell louder, but all Fluttershy was able to do was keep it a bit louder than a whisper. Rainbow Dash as finally done, knowing that Fluttershy would appreciate the help, and flew back to her house in the sky. Rainbow Dash was also done practicing some aerial flips and tricks for a certain friend's party, much to the dismay of some ponies trying to sleep.

Twilight was busy as ever studying animals and such, not knowing she had a birthday the next day. Twilight finished the book and placed it back on the shelf where it came from while Spike grabbed a midnight snack. Twilight was once again alone to herself, among many other books and Spike. She mostly liked it that way, but friendship rubbed off on her many times since she departed from Canterlot, to be with many other ponies on her quest given to her to make friends. As she rested in her bed she had a feeling that something was wrong, but she brushed it off and went to sleep.



~~~


I woke up with a startle, the alarm clock going off once again, but this time today was Saturday. Once again I threw my glasses on and and got up from bed. Tomorrow night was going to be the prom date for my school, Glensdale Middle school. I've never heard Glensdale in my life, ever. I think some idiot decided to make a school and made up the name at the last second. Anyways, I already worked up the nerve to ask my friend Bryanna on a date. Taylor got another girl, but the way he was rambling on about his date took me a while to figure out he asked out Amanda, another friend. I checked my closet for my tuxedo, which looked perfectly fine except for the fact it wasn't on the wire hanger thingy right. I quickly righted it and ran downstairs. I don't like teen girls who go on and on about how ugly they are on Facebook and expect attention, but believe it or not, I love getting 'dressy' to look like I care about my image.  It took me around the age of 12 for me to wear a t-shirt in public.

Taylor on the other hand didn't really care for his polo shirts. I had an amusing time imagining a fashion girl such as Amanda seeing her date with a Polo shirt. I almost choked on my Pop-Tart when I remembered that Amanda was a bit of a control freak, who would most likely screw Taylor over in such a way that he would be crying blood by the end of the night. I made a mental note to give Taylor some sort of button down that didn't suck, but it didn't matter. His personality is something you can't change, and that would screw with Amanda the most. Of course, Bryanna nagged sometimes, but beggars can't be choosers. Hey, at least I'm not the dumb jock who aims for Cs.

My day went as planned, pester sister, check. Watch My Little Pony, check. Read some fanfiction, check. But something bothered me. I didn't have anything to contribute to any club or fandom I had the worst handwriting ever, and it was so bad that my grades dropped from how illegible it was. I could draw a bit (ironically), but it was mostly block characters. I started tracing ponies, and that helped, but not enough. I never tried to mix music, but I had a talent for tone, and I figured I could scrape some money up for software. Fanfiction was pretty average. I had a talent for creative writing, but I never figured out the thousand word minimum on FimFiction. I figured once I had the time I could make some stories or something. At this point I was as useful as a Cutie Mark Crusader, but the thought was amusing.

When night fell, I dashed to the computer and starting typing in word as I thought up some ideas for travel between dimensions. I was surprised that instead of solving famine or war, scientists have spent a metric ton of time on dimensional travel. That was totally fine by me, since I needed some solutions for my blueprint, which looked like lines and curves on a piece of paper. I based my design on the Stargate show, but so far I had no idea how it could work. So far I figured if we had some kind of I.D the machine could recognize, our atoms could be pitched like a baseball across galaxies or something.

I also had a blueprint for a miniature black hole (which had minimum pull), so I could stick my hand in. I quickly trashed the 'Stargate' blueprints at the sight of black holes actually leading to other dimensions and universes. Mini black holes have been discovered in particle accelerators everywhere. However, having low amounts of energy, black holes are just as fast as camera flashes. The only Large Hadron Collider in existence is in Switzerland, so that is ruled out. How I would be able to find out a way to travel to Equestria would be near impossible. Even if I did make a black hole, it would probably grow and/or send me into another space - one with no oxygen.

It would be one hell of a shot though.
	
	
> Meanwhile in America
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	As I tapped my fingers on the computer, I checked my clock. 12:36 in the morning. Not bad, usually I stop looking at pony pictures way after 3:00. I decided to check up a bit on my research to get to Equestria, but the thought that kept me up at night was that it might not be an interdimensional issue after all. It could be buried under some other dimension. I had nightmares where I made a portal, jumped in it and realized it was an oxygen-less planet with aliens. As in stereotypical aliens. That isn't really the point here. I checked for any friends that would possibly comfort my social life, finding nearly none. To my surprise, Taylor was still on Steam, either he forgot to log off or he is actually on. I managed to get a couple sentences from him, but Taylor is not one for staying up. He didn't fully realize the gravity of the situation as he calmly mentioned that cartoons may actually cause a new galaxy way beyond any telescope ten times the power of our telescopes can reach.

You should have seen me jump out of my bed.


The next morning, my hair was in it's usual bunch, but a bit different. First, it wasn't it's usual light blond. It was a bit darkened, as if from either radiation or Coke. My parents knew me well (but not too well) enough that it would be just as likely to be radiation as it would be Coke. I don't know how radiation could cause discoloration, as it would take weeks for the results to be shown, but it was still a probability. After all, how else would radiation and soda mix in my room?



~~~


'Taylor woke up with a startle. He frantically checked his clock, but was surprised to hear that it wasn't beeping. Ten 'o' clock in the morning. Another noise. He checked his window and saw that Tal was throwing rocks at his window like an idiot. Really, he should stop waking me up for stupid matters.'

"There," Taylor said to me, "does that help your stupid clopfiction?" I smirked a bit. I told him that I needed a couple more materials to jump-start the portal. Once it was started, we would just stick a video camera attached to a stick for a couple seconds, and pull it back in. Taylor and I knew a bit about programming, but Taylor knew more. Therefore, I let him mess around with the portal while I started my shopping list.

"Alright," I said, "we need three Americium smoke detectors, something only My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic would have, and a box of supplies containing soda, chips, solar chargers, and firecrackers. Still working on what to power it."

"That's a pretty big list." Taylor lazily said, not taking his gaze away from the computer.

"Nah, not really."

Already, we managed to program the portal to Google search galaxies. We had to cross our fingers, and take wild guesses, but it might be worth the time, blood, sweat, and tears (mainly mine). All we needed to do was buy a couple plushies, get the chips, and manage to get three homeowners to give up part of their home security to two teenagers who like a girl's show.

Great.


~~~


Twilight rolled over in her bed. The strange clouds have been rolling in still. No one could figure out the mystery of these strange storms in the distance, well, except for Princess Celestia. Celestia had found out some of it, but not enough to support her theory of aliens coming in. No one could figure it out, but Twilight was too tired to care. She felt an urge to eat, and fell out of her bed in an attempt to wake up. Instead, she crushed Spike, who was still miraculously still asleep. She fell down the stairs after tripping over her new book, 'The Traveler's Guide to the Universe'. She managed to waddle over to the fridge, with a sleepy smile on her face. That smile vanished quickly when she saw nothing but air in the fridge.

How was she supposed to find out anything about friendship now?


~~~


"Do you really think people are just going to give radioactive stuff to some kids?" Taylor said, "I mean, really, it's freaking AMERICIUM. Sure, it might not be too dangerous, but give it time."

Sometimes, Taylor loses connection with the world and somewhat falls unconscious for a minute or two. I looked back at Taylor, but he was staring into the world, mouth agape.

"Typical." I muttered.

So far, we had enough chips to feed Africa for a day, or two kids for a week. We had enough soda to keep me going (with emergency 5 Hour Energy and Red Bull mixed with Coke, Gatorade, Coffee, and extra Taurine we managed to get) for about a week or somewhere around that.

I managed to get some firecrackers and a Bic lighter, and those weird firecrackers that explode when you pitch them at the ground. Solar chargers were a go, to my surprise we still had a box of old science-y stuff in the attic. Hopefully the sun in Equestria can power solar chargers. At the very least I hope I can survive in it.

The portal was almost done, all we needed was three smoke detectors. On the top center of the portal frame, there are three holes. We just need three smoke detectors and it's a go for about two trips. One there. One back.

After a while, Taylor came back to his senses (I cooked bacon) and we set off on our grand journey filled with romance, action, emotion, and smoke.

"Hello sir, we need a smoke detector for a school project. May we look at yours to see if we need it?" Taylor said.

SLAM.

We repeated this for a couple of houses until we got to an old cat lady's house.

"Hello ma'am, we need a smoke detector for a school project. Do you have any spares?" I said.

"Yes I do, in fact." she said. "I use the cats to put out fires anyways. Happens all the time. How many did you say you needed?"

"Th..three ma'am." That caught me off guard. She handed us three and we were marching back home. Ready to set out on our journey. Until we got back home we thought we were in the clear. We weren't.

Instead of the Promised Cookies at the door, we saw two angry parents. Let me tell you something. I do NOT have a good relationship with my father. I'm a bit lazy at times, and that sets him off. He was super pissed this time.

"Son, I am very disappointed in you."

"What happened this time? I swear I'll clean the coke."

"We are smarter than that son, you're trying to blow up our house aren't you?"

Well, crap. I can't tell the truth because that will get me thrown into a mental hospital, but I can't lie either. I was so caught off guard that we couldn't say a single lie right. We had an emergency plan for this though.

"Well dad, it's simple. I'm making a portal to a different dimension because my love life sucks and talking pastel-colored equines from a different dimension is more appealing to me than women with huge boobs. That is my excuse."

Dad blinked and started walking towards me. When you live with a parent as long as you do, you can tell what might happen, just from their gait. For instance, if a hot woman starts walking towards you with swaying hips, that may tell you she likes you and wants a lap-dance. Or, it could mean she's a lonely person looking for attention. But if you live for someone for a long time, you narrow it down to one. I don't think Dad was looking for attention or a lap-dance, but I could tell my butt might not make it to see the light of day. Dad was smart enough to know that whatever I did would work, and he was going to do everything in his power to stop it.

"Taylor." I whispered.

"What?"

"RUN!" I yelled. We ran as fast as our shoes could take us. I ran for what seemed like a mile until we were sure we lost them. I was scared out of my wits, but sure enough, we were safe.


"Just great," Taylor said, "now we're basically kicked out of your house, and my parents are going to find out too. This is all your fault!" I ducked my head as I was looking at blueprints for my portal. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a rock going past my head. I wanted to know if my parents could have possibly taken that thing to...well...anywhere. It appeared to big for any other room except the garage.

"Sure, my fault. You helped me, and that makes you an accomplice. The police aren't going to give a shit on 'who started it'. Understand me?" Taylor slowly nodded his head. "Good. Luckily for us, our backpacks are in the garage. I have the three detectors, and all we need to do is get past our parents and get in the portal."

A couple minutes later, we spied on our parents talking to some police officers. Crap, they're pretty serious about getting me back. The portal was in the garage, thank God, but there was a swarm of people. We waited out for a while until our parents started walking back in. Once we looked a little more, we saw that they were waiting for us to come back.

"Taylor, I hope you like being bait." The reply came in form of a groan. Taylor throws a rock to the left side of the house while I sneak in the right side. I carefully place the detectors on the holes and I push a button and set it to 5 seconds. Taylor starts running towards me, parents in tow.

"RUN! AGAIN!" I pitch our backpacks in the portal just as Taylor jumps in. I give a salute to the old folks, and fall backwards into the portal just as it turns off.

I woke up on some grass, with a head made of pain. I slowly get back up, however awkward, when I see a pony.

"Crap crap crap. They're going to freak. I don't care what fanfiction says they won't, I'm out of this." I sneak behind a grassy hill and give an owl call. The sound of an owl making love, that's what kept me and Taylor occupied in the fifth grade. I look around the hill just as I hear some steps next to me.

"Oh Taylor! You're...shit." I turn around to see a pony that looks like what Taylor would be if he was a pony. My brilliant mind takes a minute or two to deduct that I must be a pony as well. Sucks to be me right? Never liked OCs or anything like that. Ever. Now let me stop you here, dear reader, that this was a very temporary stage for us to be in. Ponification wasn't to be taken lightly here, and we were to soon fix that.

Taylor shushes me and flails his hooves around. He stared at his hooves and examined the physics of them. I was busy examining my horn and his wings. He apparently likes the wing part, but when I asked him about my horn and what it could do, he would be too excited to listen, flying in loops behind the hill. I pat my head a bit and am equally glad to feel how sharp my magic stick is. Wow, that came out wrong.

I can't do anything as a pony really, so we waited a couple minutes and checked the portal. Sure enough, still there. Apparently it warps back with us, a nice touch Taylor added. We jumped back through the portal and cross whatever appendages I still have.

We were again, twisted and pulled in every direction, but I could see sparks in the distance where we came from. We slowly started to turn back into humans and were spit out, but I quickly blacked out. I'm not sure what the sparks did, but I'm sure it did something to that dimension. I think it exploded, but I don't really give a shit.
> Bedwetting
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


HOLA AMIGO. I finally started this thing up again, surprised to see some activity around here. I kinda effed up the past chapter, which put me off for a while. STAY TUNED FELLOW BRONIES.


I fumble for my backpack (with hooves, it ain't easy), and follow Taylor through the portal. As soon as my hand/hoof touched the swirling vortex, I wake up in my bed, on a freaking Monday. Could it go worse? Well, yeah, it could. My parents were still nice to me (finally my dad will play Borderplains with me, thank God), contrary to my dream, and I completely wet my bed, with sweat. My dream was a bit too realistic last night, I guess I spent way too long attempting to make up plans for the portal. Something didn't fit right with me, I quickly grab my mePhone and ring up Taylor.	
Meanwhile, I crack open a Coke and glance at the clock. 10:53 AM. Today was a no school day, and I was ready to seize it. I pull down my blinds a bit, activating a mechanism which sends it rocketing upwards, letting sunlight burn my skin to a crisp. I quickly realize the blinds were keeping me alive and (sorta) healthy, so I drop my Coke and pull the blinds down. I glance at my phone and see that Taylor has been on the line for at least 30 seconds. I whip it to my ear, effectively cutting my ear. As I squeal in pain Taylor attempts to talk me through the Band-Aid instructions. 
Ear fixed, I tell Taylor about my dream and my plans for a (real) dimensional transporter. He sighs and hangs up. In the next couple minutes, I goof off in Source MovieMaker attempting to make a short funny about two gay men kissing each other, then getting kicked in the groin. Apparently, I will get super famous on Youtube if I do this, so French kissing and spike-tipped shoes were added to the mix. A knock on the door sends me flying down the stairs, tripping over the cat, and ending up at the doormat in shambles. The door attempts to open, but decides to use my face as a door-stopper. Taylor, not understanding the gravity of the situation, attempting to pull the door, and then slam it forwards. He eventually stops as he hears my screams for mercy, and walks right in.
"So, Tal, anything happening, besides pain?" Taylor says, "Jeez, pull yourself together."
"I've been trying to ow keep myself from tripping over the fucking cat." I hiss through my teeth.
"Watch your language mister," Taylor said in my crabby teacher's voice. I never liked Mrs. Mandie.

We both laugh and listen to the soothing sounds of a Coke being opened up for the first time, being introduced into the wild that is Earth, living it's life to the fullest before being swallowed whole by humans. As we both laugh, something happens in a far universe...


~~~


As dark stormy clouds close in on Ponyville, anyone who was friends with Twilight was at her (literal) treehouse celebrating. It was her anniversary of arriving in Ponville, from where her life changed dramatically, from begrudgingly having to socialize turning into saving Equestria with five ponies she never knew before. Yes indeed, it was Equestria's day of salvation when Twilight came. But sure, someone else could've said that, but Pinkie Pie didn't, because who would pass up a party?

But as the clouds poured in, everypony was too busy partying at the treehouse and opening book-shaped presents with Twilight. Something screwy was about to happen, but no pony could put a hoof on why.


~~~


"Alright Taylor, the reason I called you here was, mainly, to work on something so stupid that would either not work, or kill us, or both. Hopefully just singe our clothes, but nothing too bad." I smile creepily as I end that sentence, as I know Taylor won't be able to smile at this part. 

"The other reason was I know you can't stomach pony R34, so we're 100% completing Banned from Equestria (Daily), except it's just you who will play. I've already played, so don't pin it on me for having some fetish when I tell you what to do in the, ahem, *animated cutscenes*. Other than that I hope we get stuff done, now that I'm fourteen stuff is going to happen around here." I attempted to crack my knuckles to prove my superority over Taylor, but I only ended up to make a loud snapping sound, which hurt my knuckles and my pride as well. I sucked back in a tear before Taylor noticed anything, but he wasn't really prepared for the moment that was Applejack/Brian porn in the game. He turned to gag and nearly throw up his breakfast when I reminded him he could turn up the speed at any time. He actually choked out something when I finished that sentence, but I don't think it should be anywhere near the mouth, either in or out, and it didn't look like food. 

I turned off the computer when he said he coughed up something like that sometime ago and something big came after that, but he was sure that was just coincidental and I shouldn't get worried.

Just then, I heard a spark. I turned around to look at my machines, both in progress and finished, for the source of the spark. None of the machines made a spark, except one, if I invented air as a school project. Another spark came out of thin air (which was getting thick from my hyperventilating), which scared me a little more than I am at night after horror movie marathons. Taylor finally noticed the spark before the spark got too big and engulfed my robot dog K-9 into it.

"Taylor?"

"Yeah?"

"Shouldn't we run or something?"

Taylor pondered over this for a minute or two, but pondering took a little longer than a moment, not even a minute later the spark engulfed all the humans in the room: Me, Taylor, and my K-9 robot dog, and disappeared. I later learned no one else has ever heard of it, and no one hardly noticed. My parents were out of town for three months for a huge extravagant anniversary for their wedding and trusted me to keep the house clean and stay home alone.

Other than that, no one could hear our scream as we vanished into the ironically bright and sunny morning. Not a single peep was heard that day, except those from our atoms scattering across the dimension we called, 'Home'.

> And then what happened, Tal and Taylor?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"Ugh, my fricken head..." Taylor continued to moan and complain like my little sister when she got an 8 gig mePhone 5 instead of the 64 gig version. Already I started to hate my friend who suffered from no more than a headache caused by falling down a million tree branches. How come all the other people in the fanfictions spawn right on the ground? All we got were branches. Branches. Branches. Squirrels. More branches, and finally squirrels. I think I got the worst because one bit me.

Anyways, having rabies isn't the part of my autobiography on how sexy I am. Waking up on a mountain top was a reference point on how I climbed Mount Everest (between you and me, I actually didn't climb it) though. Anywho, since we had tree nightmares, I'm pretty sure we were at the tree line, which meant we were pretty far down the mountain instead of on top of it. From our high shelter in the trees we finally attempted to climb one which gave us a glimpse at the beauty of Equestria. We saw chariots in Canterlot and saw Pinkie Pie bouncing around near Sugar Cube Corner. We saw the treehouse Twilight Sparkle called home and saw the clouds and Rainbow Dash's cloud mansion. We saw the rainbow factory (and I think I saw some very sad looking filly pegasi walking into it with some creepy dude) and the beautiful treetops of the Everfree Forest. We saw everypony going around their own business and chatting along.

Despite being so close to be able to see the natural beauty of it all, we still had to travel down the winding hill of the mountain. We looked up and saw some very thin smoke coming out of a hole in the mountain, probably from Dragonshy, and we saw a gold coin on the edge of the mountain cliff too. Through the fifteen miles we hiked down the hill (I never leave without my pedometer), we encountered bears, snakes, squirrels, tree branches, more branches, and deer. Deer were pretty nice except they stole our food we packed when we got ready to build a portal like in my dream, so we still had our coke, and our battle plan on paper with stick figurines of us drawn on it in such a masterfully crafted manner (Taylor Note: He drew it, and it sucked. Balls). I'm pretty sure our battle plan was amazingly well crafted. I'm not even sarcastic this time. Our plan was to immediately find a pony who wasn't too sure about him/herself to tell authorities (Fluttershy) or find somepony who was actively seeking us as a hobby (Lyra) or any other pony who may have these two traits. Or both, that would be nice. Unfortunately, this is the real world, so no Flutterlyra or any shipping like that exists (right?!?). Our next step would to be taking shelter in that person's house and doing odd jobs of any sort inside the house only or things at night to gain the pony's trust and gain rights to food, shelter, and the occasional cloak in case my hoodie rips apart. The cloak/hoodie would be used to move around at dark. Either I could start rumors about the tall slender pony who stalks other ponies in the night by standing, or I could shamble around like the crappy pony I am. That's about it in my plan. Taylor's plan...I'm not sure how to put this...really really sucks. He wants to have sex with every pony. I'm not sure why I brought him. I'm pretty sure you want to see either both or one of our plans be started on our trip. I can promise you with a smile that Plan Taylor will not go into effect.

So, as we walked into Ponyville (oh dear God does wandering take energy out of you), Taylor and I hid in a bush. We were sure we would be caught when someone noticed our heavy breathing in the bush (not the most athletic people in the world), but after meowing them away it worked like a charm. Either that or they went to get therapy. Or the police. I'm not sure opening soda and drinking it was smart too as it alerted more ponies to our position (meowing filled the air, and I think we choked out a squirrel sound when the meow didn't work), and I nearly threw up from all of that fluid bouncing around in my stomach.

We weren't sure to go into Lyra's abode or Fluttershy's cottage. Taylor and I voted, and it was unanimous. We get settled in with Fluttershy and learn anything we haven't yet learned from watching the show, and see if we really are in the actual thing. Fluttershy wouldn't tell a soul if we brought a present or something. We could take advantage of her and put her down, but that would only be in dire circumstances.

You're probably wondering why I'm hiding so much instead of yelling "HI PONIES! MY FRIEND WANTS TO BOINK ALL OF YOU!" and giving out that an alien has invaded Ponyville. Well, in some fanfictions, Celestia causes the portal. In others, she has no clue. She'll probably flip and send us to the moon or kill us or lock us up in a jail, or even dissect us. We had to be super careful because Pinkie Pie was on the prowl. Every time we got settled into a new hiding spot though, her Pinkie Senses fired up and she dashed straight to our old spot.

We finally made it to Fluttershy's cottage. We peered through her windows and saw her napping. I had diabetes on the spot and stared at her long enough for her to wake up. I think she saw us when we were crying out in "AWWW" when she was waking up. Either she screamed in approval of how cute she was or maybe she's frightened. We looked back in just in time to see her face up against the window.


"AUGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Said Taylor, Fluttershy, and I.
> Encountering Fluttershy
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH---" Yelled the screaming trio. Great. My master plan is now a failure. Soon my pervert friend and I will be locked up forever, in a place we longed to go, but never reaching any ponies. You could say we were so close, but yet so far.

Throwing my hand over Taylor's mouth does little as he thinks a mile a second. I'm crouching down in the fetal position, trying to figure out how we got here in the first place. I guess my portal really did work, but not in the way we intended it to. In other words, I didn't want Taylor, my dog, and I to be sucked into our floor. Speaking of sudden disappearances, I'm supposed to watch my brat sister Amy tonight. Which kinda sucks. I can only hope that this place can mimic Narnia's logic behind time. Speaking of my dog, I wonder where he got to?

"H-hello? A-anypony o-o-out there?"

Well, It was nice living on Earth, even though I didn't really do anything there. I liked the way how Fluttershy managed to stutter not once, not thrice, but twice on the word, 'Out.' Savor it while you can, Taylor is probably wishing for sex or something. It's weird how he doesn't like pony on pony, but human on pony is okay to him. Weird.

"P-please don't hurt me!"

The sound from her diabetes inducing voice grew louder. I figured hiding in a bush was nice enough, but my pale skin kinda clashed with the dark leaves of the bush.

"Taylor, what are we going to do? Why am I asking you anyways? You ruined it by d'awwing too soon!"

"Wasn't my fault! You d'awwed too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"W-who said that?"

We froze in our hiding hole. We'll argue later in the dungeons. I had one last shot though, if it worked well enough on paper, we could make up for our embarrassment tenfold.

"Oh hello!" Fluttershy shrieked at the sound, but I continued my salutations. "Please forgive me, but my friend and I can't really show ourselves to you yet. Don't look at the bush, just give us a chance to prove our trust to you, because we aren't monsters."

"We aren't exactly from this world, but hopefully a lovely person like yourself could trust us. We're what you would call 'humans', but I don't know what you may be. May I be educated...or...um...Can you please tell us what you are and what your name may be?" Taylor looked at me weird. I didn't want to use too many fancy words, nope, those are reserved for getting out of punishments and bad grades. Besides, I sound like a know-it-all (Taylor Note: He is.) just by saying that.

"..."

"Can you at least give us the courtesy of a hello or something? Please don't call the police on us or anything."

"I'm...I'm Fluttershy, and..um..." What was left of that sentence was high pitched squeaking as she tried to pull herself together.

"That's alright, you don't have to tell me what you are. My friend and I would very much like to shake your hand, erm, hoof, I think, but only if you give us your word that you won't run away."

"...okay..."

Like magic, we slowly emerged from our hidey-hole. She screamed once more, and rushed back into her cottage.

"Damn it Tal, I was THIS close to making my move!"

"What else did you want me to do? Jump out of the bush and give her a heart attack?"

"If it kept her from running? Or...*sigh*, I don't know anymore."

We both just kinda fell right on our bum in defeat. Soon she would call the fuzz, and we wouldn't spend our time like in our most ideal fan fictions.

"Tal?"

"Yeah buddy?"

"Should we, y'know, just knock or something?"

"That's suicide! We can't just---"

"What else can we do? Let ourselves get caught and spend the rest of our natural lives with nothing but rocks for company?"

"Fine, but if any pony except Fluttershy sees us, I'm tripping you."

"Ready Tal?"

"Ready."


~~~


Fluttershy was taking care of her animals, as per usual. She was a bit more jumpy than usual, which isn't unusual, but for her she was in fear of life-threating disasters. She saw it in person and on the news, the one thing that wasn't feared, or needing a hero for, but something still scary. A large black cloud was circling the mountains yesterday, and it popped up again today. Except yesterday, it lingered for no more than a minute, but today it lasted for over an hour. She saw some things fall out of the clouds both times, though she thought she saw a dog fall out of today's cloud too. It closed up eventually though, and she reluctantly went back to take loving care of each and every animal that came for shelter. However, after another hour or two has passed, she went down for a nap. She was feeling more tired than usual today, but nothing a good shuteye could fix. Fifteen minutes later, though, that was quickly stopped when she heard bushes rustling. It wasn't normal squirrel sounds though, and the only bear was in her guest room. She decided to take a look, but one quick look proved that it was probably some gust of wind. Fluttershy decided that further sleep would quell her fear of anything that may happen, but then she decided that would be a bad idea if it were to be a burglar or something worse. She looked again, just as she heard "d'aww" outside her window. She saw two hairless bears, except with hair on their heads, one had glasses, and the other looked kinda lanky. She screamed and threw herself to the ground. Slowly pulling herself to the window only made herself scream along with the two hairless bears. She fell down and quickly looked for the phone to call the police. She didn't know what could happen if they were to be friends, but they also proved they could sneak on you without permission.

She put down the phone, and said, "Hello? Anypony out there?", and then quickly countered herself with a "Please don't hurt me" to prove she wasn't a bad person or anything. Her stare wasn't going to work this time, somehow she knew. She then heard muffled arguments in the bushes. She looked at the bushes, but all she could see was loose clothing, like Rarity's clothing but without all the fanciness.

"Who said that?"

She was rubbing her hoof on her phone's 'Call' button, with 911 showing on the screen. She wasn't going to call unless she knew for sure that they would hurt her.

"Oh hello!"

She screamed a little more and fell off her couch. The phone rolled across the floor out of reach of wing or hoof, and hyperventilated a bit. She couldn't hear the rest of whatever these hairless bears where saying, but it sounded overly friendly. She heard a bit about them, but all she could make out was "We're not exactly of this world". She froze on the ground, trying to process what she just heard.

"Could you at least give us the courtesy of a hello?"

"I'm Fluttershy..." she tried to figure out what to say next, but what she could do to fill the silence was replaced with high pitched squealing. She was very embarrassed by this, but what else could she do? After all, these hairless bears were at least a foot taller than her. She stepped out of the cottage just to see them for a bit, because she only saw their faces.

"That's alright, you don't have to tell me what you are. My friend and I would very much like to shake your hand, erm, hoof, I think, but only if you give us your word that you won't run away."

She was mildly annoyed by this, because she already told them her name. She quickly resolved her small anger when she realized they weren't anything in her catalogues. She has saw every animal known and wrote them down, but she couldn't really write down a new animal without seeing them.

"...okay..."

She stepped out and saw something that scared her. two very tall animals that were trying to smile the best they could, but were too alien to even feel comfortable around. She immediately turned tail and ran right back into the cottage with tears coming out of the corners of her tear-sacks. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't call the police on them, it was her own fault they were too scary.

"Damn it Tal!"

She has never heard that word before. Actually, the only word she recognized was 'it'. She quietly peeked around the corner of her cottage and heard the lankier one yelling at the person with the glasses. Although they were towering, they both seemed younger than an adult, but a little older than a teen. She didn't know what they were 'damning', but she quickly deduced that it was something bad. Seeing them turn around to walk to the door, she ran into the cottage and shut the door quietly. She picked up the phone and threw it at the receiver and prepared herself on the couch for the inevitable. She couldn't bring herself to call the authorities now, what if they were good people? She didn't really have any time to think, because the next thing she heard was solid knocks on the door. Each knock raced her heart. What she didn't know was that this wasn't going to be a quick thing to deal with. No sir-ee, this was a life-changing event.


~~~


"Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock. You know the drill. Loser gets to knock on the door."

"Fine Tal. I was going to do Odds and Evens, but lets do it your way because you're the leader of this mission and I should worship you blah blah blahbidde blah blah!"

"Do you have to be an ass at this time Taylor?"

"...yes..."

"Alright, best one out of one. No do-overs. Rock. Paper. Scissors. Lizard. Spock!"

Taylor was a huge Trekkie, so I prepped my hand into a lizard. What I didn't know, is that he also prepped for a scissor attack.

"Ha! Scissors decapitate Lizard! I get the honor of knocking on the best pony's do--"

"QUIET!" I brought my voice down to a whisper. "IF they figure out this one secret, IF they figure out why we're here, IF they figure out their true existence, we're screwed! Now treat her like a woman! She may be a...shy person, but she has her own feelings as well. So knock already!"

"Alright alright alright fine fine fine fine FINE."

Taylor knocked on the door. Those three knocks, each solid knock, represented the three of us. Me, Taylor, and our dog. Our robot dog anyways. Again, I wonder for the second time, where he went off to?
> Flank Dial
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Thump...

Thump...

Thump...

"Jeez Taylor do you have to do it in a dramatic fashion?"

"Tal. I have been waiting for this moment for a couple years now. I've been wanted to do this for a long time, let me do my thing."

Taylor seemed oddly serious, right until his shit-eating grin came out. Fluttershy opened the door and the grin fell into a more friendly salutations grin like mine was this entire time.

"Uh, hello...Fluttershy? That is your name right?"

She nodded. I thought this was pretty damn cute too. Not diabetes inducing, nope, that will come later I presume.

"Well, we wanted to say sorry for scaring you back there, it wasn't kind of us to do, was it, Tal?"

Sharp pain erupted from my side as he elbowed me in secret.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry about that, I guess I was a little too wordy with my hello there."

I fired up my internal pysch tools. Ever play Deus Ex: Human Revolution? Kinda like that. Believe it or not, it actually works. Not on people who prepare themselves, but could easily work on any pony here. I mean, I guess it could on ponies. I'm not a robot dude or anything, but MLP:FIM made it surprisingly obvious to guess what type they are. Obviously, lil' Flutters over here is an Omega. I feel it is very rude to try to convince people by playing with their emotions though, and it probably wouldn't work on ponies who expect it. But, I gave it a test run this one time.

Taylor cleared his throat and motioned me to begin talking. He's pretty serious now, I guess. I'm still confused when that shit-eating grin happened.

"Well, Fluttershy, you seem like a respectable person. We couldn't really trust those squirrels back in the mountains over there. I'm pretty sure most of them are nice, but none of them up... THERE... could ever be a nice enough person to me."

"Well...um...thank you...I actually take...care...of some animals...including squirrels..."

"Oh. Hopefully they are nicer than those...things, up there.

"Hee...you sound like Rarity..."

I could feel her warming up to me, it was easy to sense.

"Oh really? Wow!"

Taylor gave me the most horrifying look I have ever seen in my life. It was a face of regret, anger, frustration, guilt, sadness, and pain, all in one neat package.

"Uh...do you...know her?"

"Well, no, but where I come from rarity is a word we use to describe things that are hard to find. Rarity sounds like a fancy person. Is she?"

"Well, yes. She once made me go up on stage in front of all these people just so she could show off some dress."

"Seems to me you didn't like that, did you?"

"No."

Taylor looked like he wanted in on this action. I don't think he'll forgive me any time soon for tripping up, but we're in freaking Equestria! Nothing could backfire now. Knocking on wood!

Taylor cleared his throat again and started to talk. "Well, Fluttershy, it is pretty chilly outside. Mind if we step in for a bit, and have some hot cocoa? Do you even have that here?"

"Oh yes! I mean, yes for the warmth, and some hot cocoa. Sorry for being so mean to you."

There was a look of trust on her face, but one that was shifty as well. She was putting on an act, but I'll catch her later for it.

"What were your names?"

"Oh yes. My name is Taylor, and this dimw--I mean friend of mine is Tal. Heh. T and T."

"Well, please step in for a bit. Where are you from?"

I couldn't put my finger on why she was so quick to trust us. This is a error only made by the worst fanfiction writers. Well, this is real life, but it really did seem like something was wrong here...


~~~


TAL OS IS STARTING
PLEASE WAIT...
TALOS IS NOW OPERATIONAL
ACTIVATING SEARCH SEQUENCE...
MASTER NOT FOUND
SURVEYING AREA
AREA NOT RECOGNIZED
ACTIVATE CODE PONY
LOADING NEW MAP
ACTIVATE STEALTH AND SURVIVAL TOOLS
ACTIVATING HEARTBEAT SENSOR...
ACTIVATING SOLAR PANELS...
ACTIVATING EMERGENCY SELF-DEFENSE MECHANISMS...
STEALTH AND SURVIVAL TOOLS OPERATIONAL
CODE PONY GO
SEARCHING FOR FLUTTERSHY COTTAGE
COTTAGE FOUND
CALCULATING DISTANCE...
DISTANCE IS 3.56 KM
SURVEY LOCATION AND BIOME
SURVEYING...
SURVEY DONE
AREA IS FLATLANDS WITH NO ANIMALS
ACTIVATING REALISTIC DOG MODE...
BARK BARK



~~~


"So, what are you two? You obviously aren't ponies, or dragons, or bears or anything like that. If, you don't mind me asking."

All of her timidness was gone. I quickly looked at her hooves to see if there was timid body language in there, but what I found was more terrifying than what I could ever think of.

It was a phone, with the numbers 911 on the screen, and the call time is 05:35. Five minutes. She was giving us the slip the entire time. She didn't trust us, but she squeezed out as much information as possible. Son of a bitch. I mean, pony or daughter or whatever. Let's just say she was a real bastard this time. I didn't even know ponies had phones here.

"Taylor. Keep your voice down and ask to go to the bathroom." I don't think my voice could have been lower and more discreet.

"Why?"

"Look at her hooves."

His calm plucky young face turned to horror before turning back to happy.

"Hey, um, Fluttershy, may I use your bathroom?"

"Sure! It's right down the hall to the left."

"Thanks!"

I then said, "Taylor, grab her from behind when you go down the hall. I don't care if she is your waifu. Grab that phone and deal with her for a bit."

Taylor was pretty sad right now. I shot down his only chance at getting together with his waifu. I didn't care as much, I did care a lot, but Twilight is forever best pony.

Taylor went behind her and started walking down the hall. I bought him some time.

"So, Flutters. Can I call you that?" She nodded. She also put the phone behind her too. Last glimpse was 06:48. Crap. "I'm a special kind a species, you know, and I wou---"

BANG.

Taylor hit her right over the head with a table leg that the CMC left behind. He couldn't believe what he did. What appeared to be a tropical paradise soon turned out to be a nightmare. I quickly ran up to the phone and said, "Sorry, wrong number." and hung it up. Hopefully they would buy it. Taylor slumped down the wall behind him and started crying. I have never heard this crying from anything ever. Taylor is a screw around fun time kind of guy, and I have never seen him like this. His eyes quickly turned red from the massive amounts of crying. I haven't gotten a good look at him before this, and he looked very much like a cartoon. It was funny, but mostly depressing. I didn't know what to say here. Fluttershy turns out to be a backstabbing bastard who didn't know how to properly control a situation, bless her, and then the police are on our trail. I didn't really know much to cope with a crying person, because lack of social skills, so I just kind of stood there. I stared at Fluttershy, and her face stared at her lap, because she was unconscious. I didn't know what to do. I really didn't.


~~~


TALOS OS
MASTER FOUND IN CLOSE PROXIMITY
MASTER FRIEND FOUND IN CLOSE PROXIMITY
DISTANCE LEFT: 100 M
PREPARING CODE LASSIE
BARK BARK


~~~


I ripped out the table leg from his hand and said, "I didn't say to knock her out, but who knows what could have happened if she stayed awake. But, what could happen when she wakes up? I didn't have much time to do anything, but one idea came to me. I tipped the chair slowly backwards and scooted it back a bit. Please work. Please please work...

She started to groan, and she lifted herself upwards. She didn't have a clue her chair was tipped though, until she fell over again.

"Oh my, are you okay Fluttershy?" I then whispered, "Pick yourself up, Taylor! It's fine!" His face had a flicker of hope left.

"Ow. Yeah...I'm okay...Taylor, can you go get some first aid from the bathroom? You know where it is..."

She seemed more shy now. What brought back the timidness, though, was her hoof searching for the phone. She then freaked out a bit, and then turned to horror when she saw the phone in my hand. Wow, lots of horror faces here!

"Looking for this? Fluttershy, I thought you trusted us! You go and call 911 on us? I thought that was an America only thing! You know you can trust us. If you couldn't trust us, we would have already whacked you with a table leg or something!

"I'm...sorry! Please don't...don't...hurt me!" Her face was in tears right now. She probably thought I was a rapist or something like that.

"Look. I'm not going to hurt you. Just trust us when we say we're not from around here, but we're not going to eat your face or anything!"

Her shyness then turned to a bit of rage. "But...you were peeking on me through my window! While I was sleeping too! That is gross and really untrustworthy of you to do so! WHO ARE YOU, AND WHY DID YOU WHACK ME WITH A TABLE LEG?"

"First off, TAYLOR WHACKED YOU. SECOND. How did you know! Third. We were looking for shelter! PLEASE JUST TRUST US THIS ONE TIME. I HAVE FELL DOWN TREES FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES, NEARLY EATEN BY RAVENOUS SQUIRRELS, AND I WAS SEPARATED FROM HOME WITH NOTHING ELSE BUT MY LAPTOP AND DOG. OH WAIT A MINUTE, MY DOG IS MISSING! PROBABLY SPLATTERED ALL OVER THE GROUND, BECAUSE WE WERE SO FUCKING LUCKY TO HIT A TREE! THEN YOU CALL THE FUCKING COPS ON US. WHY SHOULD WE GIVE ANY CHANCE TO YOU OF GETTING ANY TRUST?"

She then started to try to use the Stare, but was slightly caught off guard with my rant. She then countered with another rant.

"HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL WHEN I GET SOME WEIRDOS PEEKING ON ME, AFTER I HAVE TO WATCH ALL THESE ANIMALS, AND...AND..."

I got her, but I felt like shit for doing this. I don't know why, but I pummeled her some more.

"OKAY, TAKING CARE OF ANIMALS, LEMME CALL PETA AND SAY HOW MANY FUCKS I GIVE NOW. RING RING. HELLO, IS THIS PETA? HOW MANY FUCKS DO YOU GIVE? A MILLION? WELL I DON'T GIVE ANY! THIS SEEMED LIKE A WONDERFUL PLACE, BUT IF EVERYONE WASN'T SO TRIGGER HAPPY WITH 911 CALLS I WOULDN'T BE SCREAMING AT SOME RANDOM CUTE LITTLE ADORABLE PONY LIKE YOU!

I had to catch my breath a bit, I wasn't sure why I was yelling, but I figured if it would put her in her spot and keep her from dialing the cops again, I would be a little more at rest.

"WELL, TAL, IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME, I WAS HAVING A NICE PEACEFUL TIME BEFORE SOME WEIRDOS GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK! I HAVE TO LIVE IN FEAR OF GETTING KILLED UNTIL YOU WHACK ME WITH A TABLE LEG--"

"I DIDN'T DO THAT! TAYLOR DID IT!"

"I DON'T CARE! LOOK! I'M DIALING THE POLICE AGAIN!"

"Don't. You. Fucking. Dare."

"MAKE ME!"

"Found the first aid kit!" Said Taylor.

"SHUT UP!" Yelled Fluttershy and Tal.

"BARK BARK" Said a certain dog.

"TALOS! YOU'RE BACK!"

It was a big embrace for the both of us.

"ACTIVATING REUNITING SEQUENCE"

"I love you too Talos!"

"WHAT IS THAT?" Fluttershy sounded off, I really felt bad for yelling at her. She really isn't like herself, and she seemed a bit gray now.

"Look, Fluttershy, if we can put that fight behind us, I'll explain what this is, and what I am. Alright? Sorry for whacking you upside the head with a table leg, even if it was Taylor."

"MY BAD!"

"But I don't want this to be between us forever. It seems like I'm going to be stuck with you anyways, it's not like you have any friend I can stay at for a while. Friends?"

I stuck out my hand. Fluttershy seemed really reluctant to do so, but eventually she reached out and let me shake her hoof.

"...Friends." She seemed more at peace now that there was a bit of closure to the whole thing, but I'm not sure I'm out of the doghouse yet.

I heard hooves stamping the ground outside. In union, as if they were trained to do so.

"I think those are the cops you sent in. Please give us one more chance! Help us hide, so we don't get jailed or anything." Fluttershy didn't really seem like she had anything better to do for the day, so she motioned towards her upstairs.

"...hide under my bed until I get this sorted out. I'm sorry I yelled at you too."

I rushed to the bathroom, and grabbed Taylor. He threw the first-aid kit at the table, and it opened up and spilled the contents on the table. We skipped every other step as we went up, and dove under the bed.

"....hello officer....mumble....I'm sorry...flank dial...yes I'm okay...goodbye...." I let out a sigh, and tiptoed down the stairs.

"Alright, what are you two anyways?"

"I'll start." said Taylor.

"BARK" said Talos.

"And I guess Talos will help too." said me.
> Doghouses and Robot Dogs
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"Alright, before I start on this lengthy explanation, I would like to ask you something. Why are you so tense today Fluttershy? I mean, you seem like the kind of pony-that is your species, right--that would keep to herself and take care of animals. I mean, when we peeked on you, you seemed very calm. Why are you so tense?"

"Well, first off, I have peeping toms in my town."

"Oh really? Who were they?"

"Two hairless monkeys." She said this with a condescending tone. A little creepy too. "And one of them slammed my head with a table leg."

"Oh, yeah, sorry."

"Second, I have been taken advantage of lately. Sorry for everything else, I'm usually not this...outgoing. But I can trust you, right?" She imposed that we wanted her trust, so I went along with it.

"Yeah. You can trust us."

"Can you start on telling me what that metal dog is?"

"Oh sure! It's a creation of mine, using my Technical and Analytical Lifeform Operating System. It is pretty smart for a robot dog, and it's the only invention of mine who didn't manage to blow up yet."

"BARK BARK"

"But he sucks at being an actual dog, though."

"INSULT RECIEVED. LOVE FOR MASTER DECREASING"

"And it isn't very good at hiding it's emotions, or lack of it. Robots don't have emotions, because they're simple programs. This dog can tell you anything about our history you need to know. There are computers in our world, which I actually have right now. I have a laptop, which is a compact version. Well, it's dead right now."

"Not dead dead, but the battery is drained." I quickly added to the look of horror on her face. Am I going to see these horror looks everywhere I go? "Mind getting me some water, Fluttershy? We were mountain climbing the entire day."

"Oh, no problem." She then flies to the kitchen, and turns on the tap.

"Taylor?"

"Yeah?"

"Burn any incriminating evidence, by evidence I mean porn and pony. Burn it like it's the Iran attack on the U.S Embassy." He takes my laptop and searches for a table lamp to track down an outlet. He plugs it in and quickly deletes the wallpaper and folders with the words 'Pony', 'Porn', and 'Pony Porn.' Having succeeded that, Fluttershy glides in with two glasses of water.

"Thanks, Flutters. Can I call you that? I'm not sure the word 'shy' accurately depicts you right now." She nodded again. I guess I invented another nodding trend. "Well, we're 'humans'. Basically, we're hairless apes, but with much more intelligence and reasoning, and we have thumbs. They can go back and forth like this." I showed off some action packed thumb twiddling. "We invented many things like this here robot dog. Sadly, our greatest strength and weakness is war. We constantly attack other nations for money and power. Lots of people where I come from, Earth, suck. Not like, suck air, I'm saying they're bad people. There are some good people, but they don't show up quite as often as you would want them to be. Here is my laptop. You can borrow it if I can borrow a room for me and Taylor to sleep in tonight. Plus, I'll teach you how to use it. Do we have a deal?"

Fluttershy hesitated for a bit. The last two hours of her life today was pretty nerve-wracking.

"You've got yourself a deal."

"BARK BARK RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN FLUTTERSHY AND TAL INCREASING

"TALOS! NO! BAD DOG. Besides, Taylor is the one who has a crush on Fluttershy!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"DO TOO!"

"STOP! If, that's okay with you two." Her shyness and coat color was coming back. I'm not sure if that was natural, a side effect from Discord's Touch, or just some eye trick."

"Alright, fine." said Taylor. "Also, we're omnivores, would it hurt to say that?"

"Not at all! Lots of my animals eat meat in addition to plants. I have some eggs for breakfast if you...would like some...is that okay?"

"Sure!" said me. "Where will I sleep?"


~~~


Somewhere in Ponyville, a certain aquamarine pony was edging ever so closely to the far edge of town. She pulled out her binoculars and peered inside Fluttershy's cottage. She knew her search instruments would work, she knew that this would happen. Peering inside the cottage only made her more excited with every movement the humans made. Not one, but two humans! She was exploding with excitement, but she knew no body would believe her, except maybe Fluttershy...


~~~


Night 1. 10:34 PM

Expedition Log Entry #001

After our big fight, we ate some salads and went to bed. I figured one more peek wouldn't hurt, and I was right. Fluttershy has now trusted us completely. No watching or anything. She was sound asleep in bed. Glad to see the fighting was over, but I still have a nagging feeling there will be sequels.

Tal, Earth's first Bronynaut. Over and Out.


~~~


"Tal honey! We're back from our trip! How is our favorite little girl doing? ...Tal? Tal honey? We brought McDonalds!" Two parents walked into Tal's room, looking for him. "Oh...my...God...TAL! WHERE ARE YOU?" The mother was starting to lose her shit, almost literally, for she had the need to go to the bathroom after long trips, just like everyone else.

"Calm down Amy. He'll show up soon." said the father.

"I can't calm down, Peter! Look at this! He's usually messy, but not this messy! It's like he was kidnapped or something! AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?"

"AMY! CALM DOWN! It's probably some toy or something."

"DO YOU KNOW OUR CHILD? HE'S PROBABLY GONE AND BLOWN SOMETHING UP! THIS IS THE PORTAL THINGY HE WAS TALKING ABOUT!"

"...You're right. Why is the carpet in the middle of the room torn apart? It's like the house leaned towards this spot!"

Suddenly, a note fell out of the ceiling. It was a red envelope with the words, 'Code Black Hole' on it. Amy took the note and opened it. A picture fell out, and a note fell out as well. "Oh my God Peter, he prepared for this!"

The note read as follows: "Hey Mom, and Dad. Hopefully you won't read this, but if you are, my portal has had a shortage. It shouldn't happen, but it reversed time in this world, and reset some things. All I know from the first shortage is now a dream, but the second shortage is very much real. If you are reading this, then a black hole has opened up my floor and sucked me in. If Taylor was with me on this event, he went with me too. TALOS is also with me, God knows where we are now. First guess, well, look at the picture."

The picture had six cartoon ponies on it. Written on the bottom of the Polaroid-like photo was as written, 'My Little Pony, or my not-so-secret fantasy.'

The note continued. "I really didn't want this to happen the way it did. I am probably in Ponyville, in the crazy world I obsessed over. We're prepared, of course, we have an emergency bag with my laptop and food supplies as well. If this happened on the day of March 5th, 2013, your trip, I'm sorry I couldn't take care of Cara. I really wish I thought this out more, but if you are reading this, and I am missing, don't send out a search party. Just sit and wait. I'll find some way to make contact. I love you."

Amy didn't really know what else to do but just sit down and weep. Peter sat down next to her. This was going to be one interesting night.


~~~


"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNINNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" Taylor and Fluttershy were woken up to the screech that was Tal's wakeup call. "IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP TO A BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!"

"Taylor, can you please ask him to stop, if that's okay with him?"

"Nothing against his will is okay with him. Usually I just let him ride it out, but, y'know, this isn't Earth anymore."

"NOTHING LIKE CLEARING YOUR LUNGS TO EXPERIENCE THE FRESH AIR OF A NEW WORLD NAMED, what is it called?"

"Equestria. You're in Ponyville." said Fluttershy.

"Oh, right. NEW WORLD NAMED PONYVILLE. WHO'S READY FOR BREAKFAST?"

"Not me." said Taylor and Fluttershy.

"Besides, it's... 8:37 in the morning. Go back to sleep."

"NO WAY! I HAVEN'T RECOVERED FROM ANYTHING YESTERDAY, PLUS YELLING HELPS ME CALM DOWN!"

"WELL IT'S NOT HELPING US EITHER DUMMY!" said Taylor.

"LALALALALALAAAA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

"Remind me why I let you two stay here instead of some other pony's house."

"BECAUSE WE'RE THE ONLY HUMANS YOU GOT APPARENTLY LALALALA"

"...right." Fluttershy seemed more comfortable with us now, but much more annoyed.

"I'LL STOP YELLING WHEN WE GET BREAKFAST!"

"TAL, IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, I'LL DELETE YOUR DOG'S OPERATING SYSTEM!" yelled Taylor in his serious tone.

"..."

"Good."

"What time is it now?" said Fluttershy. She was rubbing her forehead with her hoof in a slow, agonizing manner.

"Ugh. About... 8:46. I'll cook breakfast, so, what would be in the cupboards that isn't totally vegetarian?"

"No no. It's alright. I can cook something. Eggs and toast?"

"Aww sweet you have eggs and toast in Equestria? Do you happen to have butter?"

"I think I can manage." said Fluttershy with a smile. She was quickly warming up to them, more so to Taylor (much to his inner brony's gladness) rather than Tal. Tal...was a bit too weird for Fluttershy here. She put off the argument as something she may have done to Angel once in a while, but she didn't completely forgive Tal just yet. She had some chores for him to do. Speaking of which, where's Angel?


~~~


Angel heard the entire ordeal. Fighting, yelling, clobbering. He didn't know what to do. He loved Fluttershy like a mother, yet, she forgot to buy carrots for his daily salad. Hmm...decisions, decisions. He finally ended up not helping her, but instead waiting it out and hoping for the best. He didn't trust the new roommates as much as Fluttershy did. They can't yell at her like that, only he can do that! He then faked sleep to avoid an awkward situation.


~~~


"Hey Fluttershy, these eggs are great! How'd you get so good at cooking these?"

"Not all of my animals are herbivores, you know."

"Oh yeah." I continued munching on the wonderful eggs that were made. Usually, eggs don't have too much taste for me. Not these, these eggs were cooked with the finest of talent. Pinkie Pie isn't the only good cook around here. I guess with so much practice she could cook something special.

"So Tal, want to explain why you wake up like this, today, of all days?"

"It's not every day you pop up in another world."

"True, true." said Taylor, in a casual tone.

All in all, we were pretty satisfied with what we ate. The eggs tasted like eggs should be, and the toast states in a very explicit manner, that it indeed, tastes like toast. Do I need to write paragraphs about the taste? They tasted like they should. Imagine your mother cooking the best toast ever, and it is the textbook taste of toast. There. You imagined it. Need more explanation?

"Fluttershy, any chance you have a intelligent friend, someone, or somepony who could possibly explain to us what predicament we're in?" I said this so fast I can't believe my mouth didn't catch fire. It was a little sore though.

"...Wha?" said Fluttershy, poor thing.

"*nomnom* He asked you for someone who is smart, and could tell us what pickle we're in." Taylor said, nomming on toast. He wasn't done with his thirds yet, no siree. He knew what was up, because energy is what he really needed today. He somehow knew that today was going to be pretty long, but lots of things will happen too.

"Um...I think that would be Twilight Sparkle. She is really smart, and her house is a minute walk from here."

"Great. Is there anypony who could sniff us out and catch us? I don't want to immediately become the new sensation...not just yet anyways. People will freak out."

"Not that I know of. Taylor, are you done with your food?"

"MPHGH MPH HMPGH MPHGH"

"He said he's done." said me.

"Weird way to say it though." said Fluttershy.

"MMMPH YOU"

"Ignore him." I said.

"Alright, you sure you're ready? I'm calling Twilight now. Also, if you don't mind, may I ask a question about...wearing clothes?"

"Oh, yeah, we wear clothes because our private parts are too revealing, so yeah. Humans wear clothes. For like, until bathtime. Then we put on new clothes." Taylor said. I've never heard the explanation for clothes so short from a fanfiction. Those things take like, three paragraphs.

"Oh, okay, nice to know."

We then set off on our wonderful journey to Twilight's house. Pinkie was in her house/bakery, but she eyed us before we could hide. I did the only sensible thing and waved back. She smiled from ear to ear and slowly lowered under the window. Shit.

"Here we are! I have to go take care of Angel now, just tell Twilight what you told me."

"Thanks for the food and housing Fluttershy!" I said. I'm going to miss her, but who cares? I'm about to knock on best pony's door!

Taylor reached for the door in an attempt to knock, but I slapped his hand.	

"Taylor, it's my turn."

"Screw you Tal."

Knock.
Knock.
Knock.

"Really Tal? You yell at me for doing that, and then you do that?"

I paid no attention, because I heard trotting coming up to the door.

"Hello? Who is i--"

She was cut off by the sight of us. She immediately fainted. The last thing she saw were two hairless apes perching over her and saying, in slow-motion:

"Hey Twilight, y'okay?"

> Roomies?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"Hey, Twilight, y'okay?"

"Tal, she may be dead. Not from the initial shock, but the horrible joke you made about the .mov series. You shouldn't consider yourself a person anymore."

He didn't dare say pony.mov, in fear that Twilight wasn't dead/unconscious yet. Saying anything about them being in a TV show was too risky and dangerous. We didn't know this universe's rules yet. Sure, physics are more or less the same, but what would happen if they were to become aware of their alternate existence? Nothing, probably. I might get a chuckle too.

"Twilight, wake up. We aren't going to kill you. God knows how long that took us to explain to Fluttershy."

"Tal, I don't think this is a fangirl faint, this is probably a real scholarly faint."

I don't even know anymore. I don't know what a scholarly faint could look like, so I ignore it. Like a scholar wouldn't.

"Wanna go dick around in her library?" said Taylor in a jumpy voice.

"Remember how much of a bitch it was to get Fluttershy's trust? No way I'm going to mess around here.

"...ughhhhhh...."

"Welp, she's coming to. Uhhhh, Hi Twilight, err, somewhat of an awkward introduction we have here."

"Ugh...wha? What are you? Are you a new species? Genus? Family? Order? Class? Even Domain? I have to find out more about you because I've never seen you in any of my books before and it's so fascinating to see someone that isn't Spike for once and learning some other things about sports and dark booming clouds in my books I got for my birthday is much better because I've already commit them to memory you see and---"

"Whoa whoa whoa! Slow down there! You're going to conk out again, and I don't want people to think I have blood on my hands or something."

"Hands? The only person with appendages like these is Spike, but these have many more muscles than his does."

"Isn't the thing the host should ask the guest first is for their name? Like, 'Oh hello there, my name is Bob, what's yours?' 'Oh, my name is Peter, thanks for asking!' seriously Twilight, from the things I know about you, you're better than this."

"What things do you know about me?"

"Ah, shit, I mean, Fluttershy told me you were smart, so we came to you. Mind not showing us to the whole world yet? It might freak some people out."

She stopped in her tracks, previously trying to drag them upstairs with magic. Surprisingly enough, it worked. The two of us were in curled positions because Twilight can't hold a human for shit. We were going places, not the newspaper (thank God), but definitely upstairs.

"Oh, of course. May I at least study you?"

"As long as we don't look at either of our nether regions, of course."

Taylor was a bit more quiet than usual, but I guess he exhausted all of his words on Fluttershy. I'm having my turn now.

"And where would your nether regions be? If you don't mind me asking."

I then pointed in a very slow and awkward way at the man part. You know how when doctors give you a check-up they hit your knee with a hammer, and your leg is supposed to shoot upwards? Well, let's just say Twilight wanted to use her touch sense to sense my balls. Actually, that's not so much a 'let's just say' thing as it is 'Twilight touched my man part' thing. Of course, being only fourteen, my balls were somehow connected to my leg, which Twilight was standing right next to.

"Oh. My. God. We both got our turn at knocking out a poor defenseless pony didn't we, Taylor?"

"I'm too used to the stuff around here to even respond to that. I'm not sure who overreacted. Twilight for being too curious, or you for kicking her sky high into the ceiling."

"I'm not sure ponies are supposed to stay that far into the ceiling."

"Neither am I."

"...I'm...still...awake!"

She then proceeded to fall out of the ceiling, and crumple on the ground.

"Do...people....of your....kind...do that?"

"Take deep breaths Twilight. When a human, that's what we're called, goes for a check-up at the doctor, they test his or her reflexes by tapping their knee with a rubber hammer. I'm pretty sure there's some kind of thing like that here, so you know that the leg flies upwards right? Well, my shock and self-defense mechanisms, being my shock, was powerful enough to send you into your own ceiling. Sorry about that."

She shook her head vigorously. Taylor then proceeded to do the thing Ellis does in Left 4 Dead 2 in my ear. I chuckled a bit, and then waited for Twilight to talk.

"Well, first off, 'ow.' Second, do you need anything? I mean, what do humans eat? I imagine it would be like leaves, grass, ladeelada la da la"

I kinda zoned out for a second. She was pretty darn cute for being in the zone for a bit. But of course, I'm fourteen. I ain't gonna sex her or anything. That's gross.

"Meat." said I.

She stopped in her tracks for a second. "That's what I just said."

"Well then. Perfect! But, there's one more important question you have to ask us!"

"And what would that be?"

"Our names, of course!"

"Oh, right. Ahem. What would your names be?"

"Glad you asked! I'm Tal, this dude right here is Taylor, and this robot dog right next to me is named Talos. You see, his name comes from the operat--"

"What robot dog?"

"The one right here silly! See? It's...right...over...there."

I pointed outside to Ponyville. Ponies were running in every direction. My dog was busy trying to sniff their butts, and his OS isn't fully built to the extent where he won't hurt them...

"Aw shit. I was hoping my cover wasn't going to be blown. Well then. I guess we're roomies now right?"

"What?"

"Fluttershy kicked us out of the cottage, so I guess we get to stay here!"

"There is no way in the name of sweet Celestia that I will let you stay---"

"You get to research our sleeping patterns, and we won't yell at you."

"That I will let you stay in some rundown motel in the downtown area! You can stay in the guest room upstairs!"

"Geez, I'm getting really lucky with the guest rooms. Taylor? Have you found it yet in the hours you've snooped?"

"Yeah, it's upstairs, down the hallway to the left. Only door on the left. Too bad there's only one bed, which I call dibs on!"

"Screw you Taylor. What bed am I going to sleep in ton--- ohhhh. Gotcha. Mmkay."

"What does he mean by that? By the dibs thing."

"I can't believe you don't have that sort of thing. When you call dibs on something, you basically get to keep that thing. If I call dibs on some free thing at a shop, it's mine. It's like a game. Taylor gets the guest bed, do you have any other bed?"

"I used to, but I threw it out. We don't really have another bed we could use. Do you happen to have a sleeping bag?"

"Nope. I really wish we thought of that when we set up our survival backpack."

"And what would be in the backpack?" She leaned forward, and to the right, as my left shoulder strap was a bit loose, causing it to lean towards the left.

"Well, mostly soda. And chips. Actually, all I brought was those, blueprints, and my trusty dog. That dog is right outside terrorizing this fine city."

"And you're not going to stop it?" she said, with a bit of concern to her voice.

"Well, he'll stop on his own. Besides, if I go out there, I'll be noticed and then promptly executed on the spot or something." I said in a monotone.

"I guess you're right. I have another quick question. How can we understand each other perfectly? We're both very different, yet we both speak fluent Equestrian."

"Equestrian? No, we're speaking English. Though, I'm pretty sure, that all we have been through yesterday and today, I wouldn't question it till I get some sleep. I'll go get K-9 now."

"K-9? Wasn't his name Talos?"

"Yeah, but K-9 was a reference to a show we watched back on Earth. It was called Doctor Who, and it was amazing. I only wish you could have seen it. Talos is the operating system the dog works on. I call it a bit of both, but K-9 gets you some looks every once in a while. I eventually stopped calling him that because I had so many Doctor Who fanboys run up to me and start talking about it."

"Sounds like a barrel of fun."

"No kidding."

"One more thing before we go, what do those blueprints contain?"

"It's been a long time, but they're just things that I like to tinker with."

"May I look at them while we go?"

"Sure, why not."

The blueprints contained things that would help me survive in a wilderness, at least that's what I told her. I pretty much prepared for this moment in time and space. I brought back some of the technology from our world into this one, as to progress it further than ever thought before. Plus, I want to teach Ponyville what it means to 'progress in technology.' Way to go Ponyville! Video game cabinets before computers made for printing! Aside from that, my blueprints include a bike, a computer (this may take a while), N64 controllers fit for hooves, and the house for me, Taylor, and Scootaloo. If she really doesn't have a home, may as well make one for her. Ever since I saw here, I kept scribbling down room ideas for us. I recently included Taylor, as he became a brony a year ago. I also have a N64 with some games just in case they invent TVs.

"Tal? Did you space out or something?" Taylor said. I forgot he came with us.

"Taylor? I forgot you came with us. Did you hear the plan?"

"Yeah, blah blah blah Mayor Mare blah."

"Glad to see you're recovering from this morning." I said with a smirk. He returned a glare filled with hate. We stared at each other and then burst into giggles like little girls. Twilight rolled her eyes and continued walking.

"Hey! Are you new here?" a silly, upbeat, perky voice said. This isn't the time for 'perky'.

"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! You're new! And do you know what that means? A WELCOME PARTY!"

No no no no! NO! She had to ruin it. I knew it. She popped out and said hello, I'm doomed. All of the ponies are either:
A. Freak out
B. Flip out
C. Call up Celestia
D. Swarm me
E. Do nothing

Please be E. Please be E.

"I can't believe it there's a new pony in town wait you aren't a pony are you? You don't look like a pony. Or are you a donkey I had a friend named Cranky who looked like a pony but he was actually a donkey even though he looked like a pony---"

Why did I let her talk this long? It was a stupid idea, but I had no choice but to grab her and cover her mouth. Surprisingly, only being a foot taller who couldn't win at any arm wrestles, I could pick up a pony who probably ate a cake everyday. She was super heavy, but I could manage holding her if it meant some more time in Ponyville.

"You must be Pinkie, aren't you?" If I'm going to extend my time, may as well stop playing stupid about their names. "Well, if you want a real welcome party, we're going to set one up at Town Hall. Let me talk to Mayor Mare first so we can organize it. Want to help?"

"Mphmmphh!" I was covering her mouth, but the pitch of her voice indicated a 'yes' to my ears.

"Alright. TO TOWN HALL!"


~~~


A girl sits in her room, thinking, 'What do?' Luckily, that question is answered very quickly. An email pops up on her laptop that is always sitting open on her desk with volume at full blast. You'll never know if some random event of your life is going to occur, don't you? Oh look. An email. It's from some guy she thinks she knows.

Where's my manners? My name is Elizabeth. I'm one of the lesser popular kids at school, who never really did anything other than what normal kids do, except hang out with guys. I'm  a bit of a 'bro', as they called me, because I would play Dungeons and Dragons, and watch MLP:FIM (ironically) with other guys. One of those guys was the leader of 'The Outcasts', which was a really dumb name, but it was correct to it's core. If you couldn't join any other club, The Outcasts would accept you. Sadly, that club died back in sixth grade. Tal and I still hang out from time to time, but lately he's been texting other people, rather than me. I didn't get a text from him at all last week, but I'm pretty sure that his girlfriend Bryanna told me he was doing some 'stupid brony thing' again. Oh dear. Last time he did this it took weeks of Coca-Cola IVs to heal. I'm grounded, by the way, so I didn't go.

But, that email. That one email. I'll never forget that moment. The ping from my computer. I went over to the computer and checked it out. Facebook. Facebook. Tal. Facebook. Twitter. Wait, Tal? I clicked on it to show the complete subject name and the message. It is as follows:

Subject: Automatic "I Screwed Up" Emergency Message.
"Dear Elizabeth. This is the real deal right here. I'm not hurt, but I want you to know that I'm somewhere special (you probably know where) and I may not be back. This is for realzies. Do not, by any circumstances, come over to my house. It is very dangerous, and the black hole has left massive amounts of Hawking radiation (or not, my portal is weird like that). I may be back in a month or two, just let me get it sorted out. Taylor should be at the house to stop you, but I know you won't resist. If you can't resist coming over to check it out, bring some soda.

Well, of course I went over there! It was a cry for help! I brought some packs of Coca-Cola to help. I had these chilling for a while. This was indeed, the biggest thing I have ever done in my life so far. The last biggest thing so far was winning a couple tournaments at the game store, heh, losers. Wait! This was no time for reminiscing the old days! Even if it means spending a couple minutes with the dude who introduced me to all my friends, in a non-lovey way, of course.

Several minutes of biking later I arrived at his house. I knocked a couple times to be polite, but instead of expecting Taylor, I had two weeping parents on my hands.

"Uh, Mrs. Tal's Mom? May I check his room?"

"D-did he send y-you?" She was shaking from the event yesterday still, bless her.

"Yeah, automated message and all. He wants me to go after him."

I was given blank stares in return. Sheesh! They shouldn't be so surprised this happens to Tal on a daily basis!

"I'll just let myself in, I guess." They made way for me, but they way they were sobbing, I shudder at the thought of his room.

Upon entering the room, everything was gone, even the carpet. The only thing left was the portal frame, which the parents obviously check, because, lo and behold! A note for me! Yay notes!

"Hey Elizabeth! My parents are probably doing work stuff right now or something, just flip the switch labeled, 'Fast Travel', heh, and you'll be on your way to wherever we went to. Bring soda! See ya on the other side! ~Tal"

He always loved squigglies. Squiggle squiggle! Anyways, I fixed my hold on the switch and pulled. The power surged through the house, lights were popping everywhere. I didn't care. Pulling the switch marked the start of a second life. I jumped. I could see my atoms scrambling like Mario's body in Super Mario Sunshine. It really was something to look at. Too bad it hurt too much. I blacked out, right as I fell on a tree branch, and then another...
> Gettin' Around Town
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"Well, here we are. Got any more bright ideas?"

"Yes. Has fog machines been invented yet?"

"Well, yes. There is this minotaur named Iron Will,"

"Heehee, Iron Will."

"and he had a fog machine for one of his shows on assertiveness."

"How much would one cost?"

Twilight ran the numbers through her head.

"Do you have 1399 bits?"

"Sheesh. Alright, bring me a fan, a small stove or anything that can boil water, and some food coloring. Go and pick whatever color you want, but be sure to bring back some blue."

"What would that do? Oh, I see what you're getting at."

"Twilight, let's go make a fog machine."


~~~


"When I find Tal, I'll rip him apart." Needless to say, I just survived a long fall down on top of the mountain I was in. Never before have I went through pain that felt like swords ripping through flesh. What cooled my anger, though, was the sight of blood drips and footprints leading from the tree I was at. They broke a few branches for me, but that meant I had to hit the other ones harder than they had to. Following the footprints took hours, and I'm pretty sure they looped around a little. The soda cans in my hand quickly wore me down, as the last bits of cold left the cans. I figured bringing warm soda was punishment enough. One time, we didn't cool the soda down for the IVs, and his heart started to fail. Now, he has a makeshift defibrillator in his chest just to make sure he doesn't die on us. Technically, he died a couple times, if it weren't for that defib unit of his, he would've only died once. Of course, that thing nearly ended him too. He had it on the outside of his chest instead, as a prototype, and he took a shower. It took hours for the paramedics to take that stupid hunk of junk off his chest.

Enough about him. I'm nearly at the foot of the mountain, and I think I see fireworks going off.


~~~


"Why the heck do you need a fog machine, Tal?" Taylor and Twilight said, in union.

"Look, ya got a fresh new species in this world, and ya want to announce his existence. What better way to do it with fog machines and fireworks?"

"Fireworks?" Taylor and Twilight were more than just confused, they were a bit worried.

"Yep!"

"Are you serious?"

"Do pastel colored ponies talk?"

"..."

"Good! Let's go say 'Hi' to Mayor Mare!"

"Wait! Wait, hold on a second. Are you going to promise me that we'll do this inside, with no fireworks?" said Twilight. She put on her serious face. What a grumpy pants. She's still best pony though.

"Does using Geico save yo--"

SLAP.

Twilight was pissed.

"Okay okay. Ow. Ow ow. You didn't have to do that!"

"Maybe I did. Stop fooling around and go talk to her!"

"Why me‽"

"Because you have to make a good impression! Now shoo! Go say hi to her! I've already called her, so you can't quit now!"

"Mhpmpmhpmph!" said Pinkie Pie. I forgot I was holding her. I put her down next to Twilight, but with my hand over her mouth still.

"When do I get to talk?" said Taylor.

"When we talk to Mayor Mare, apparently." said me.

"SHOO!" Twilight pushed us into the office and closed the door. Actually, it was more of a slam, but a controlled one. Ahdunno.

"Are you Mr. Tal and Mr. Taylor?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm Taylor, and this blond doofus is Tal." Taylor said, in a businessman tone.

"Well, I'm glad Ms. Sparkle informed me of your...interesting appearance, before we met." She was very unsure in her words.

"Sorry to, um, cause any interruption you may have had." I said.

"Oh no no no! Not a problem at all! When would this introduction of yours start?"

"Would an hour be fine? Two hours?"

"...what did you say? I thought I heard two hours."

"...Yeah...I was nearly found by a certain pink party pony. I want to have a introduction to show everypony that I'm not some evil psychopath or something. If word were to get out that wasn't controlled by some form of government and slash or democracy, they would probably start their own rumors and flip out."

"I guess you're right. Would Pinkie Pie be helping today?"

"I'll put her to good use that isn't related to pies." we both laughed a little.

"Glad to see that we both have some sense of humor around here. Everypony else here has a stale sense of humor."

"Heh. Glad to see the first mayor in this world is the first out of many mayors to be funny. Could we have the Hall for an hour or two of Q&A?"

"Sure! As long as you don't break anything, of course."

"Great. We promise to clean up afterwards, right Taylor?"

Taylor was dozing off. "Huh? Oh, sure."

"Anything you want to add, Taylor?"

"Sleep."

"Don't we all. Alright, I put in a time block for you two for two hours, which will start in three. Have fun! Can't wait to show up to it tonight."

"Hopefully I don't mess up too bad." I said. "Also, would we have announcements through the town?"

"Of course! All important meetings in Town Hall have a couple rings of the bell before the most important of the meeting. Fifteen minutes before it starts, there will be three rings, and that will be your cue to get on stage! I can't wait!"

"Awesome, thanks."

"Wait, do I get to say something?" Taylor said, with a waking startle.

"Uh, sure Taylor. Go ahead. I'm going to help set up."

Twilight and Pinkie must have already known we would have the time block, because the same stage that Nightmare Moon preached on, was covered in party decorations and assorted makeshift fog machines. By the way, don't make a fog machine with spare parts, and if you do, don't put your fingers next to them. They'll burn right off. That would probably hurt.

"Uh, Pinkie, I'm ba-"

"HI!"

"Of course. Before you go on rambling about something else, - not that I don't like your rambling, of course, - you can ask me any question you want. Twilight, can you hand me a speaker or two? I have an amazing idea."

"Alright, fine. I'm pretty surprised to see Iron Will was the only person to do this kind of thing before." Twilight said, handing me a big speaker and motioning towards a ladder.

"Pinkie, fire away. I mean, your question." Saying something that would be odd with no context would certainly let me end up with a chatterbox on my hands.

"Do you have parties where you come from? I do, and they're awesome! You get a bunch of balloons and you get your friends to come and then you get some cake and some party ga--"

"Yes Pinkie, we have parties. I'm pretty sure no one gets as hyped up about them as you do, though." I slammed a nail into the wall through the speaker's nail hole. I don't know what to call them. Nail holes seem pretty good to me, for now though, at least.

"I guess it would be Twilight's turn now. What's your question?" I said, finishing my nail job with one fell swoop of a hammer. I looked at it with satisfaction.

"How did you get here?"

I stopped cold. I nearly fell off the ladder right there. I then realized that I could tell it without telling them that they are a show in our world.

"I made an interdimensional portal device that let us travel inside and on the edge of our dimension. Apparently, your dimension was inside our dimension, and that's how we got here. Our portal failed and caused a black hole, which also caused those dark clouds I've seen around. That black hole was really tiny, but it managed to suck us inside it and immediately vanish. I have the blueprints for it, but it's going to take a lot of smoke detectors..."

Suddenly, the door to Mayor Mare's office burst open. "Tal! I got us a plot of land!"

It was at this point where I really fell off the ladder. If Twilight didn't catch me, well, I wouldn't be telling any of this story. Taylor would. With extreme bias.

"TAYLOR! I NEARLY DIED FROM EXCITEMENT, NERVOUSNESS, AND A FALL! Thanks Twilight."

"Sorry bro, but it's big enough for...y'know, the house."

"I'm glad I'm not on the ladder this time around."

"Plus, get this, it's almost like our blueprint! We just need to renovate the living room, and add in the second bathroom!"

"YES! Taylor! For once, you have done well in your life! I present to you, nothing! You get to help renovate the living room."

"ALL DECORATIONS ARE UP AND READY!" yelled Pinkie.

"Great job Pinkie!" my stomach growled. "Who wants to go out for a bite to eat? Wait, no. Actually, I can't really eat leaves and grass...so, yeah. Do you have any meat specials at your favorite restaurant?"

"Uh, yeah. Ham sandwiches are all the rage right now."

"I could go for a ham sandwich. Yum. Oh, before you ask, Twilight, I'm not too scared of being found out anymore." Twilight put her hoof down.

A minute walk later we got to the restaurant. Ponies everywhere gave us weird looks, and what they learned about Zecora, y'know, don't be a racist bastard, kinda lost it's touch everywhere. It took forever for the waiter to serve us, and when he did, he was sweating bullets. Poor guy looked to be the equivalent of 16 years old, with zero confidence. The zits made the man, of course, and he had them.

"Uh...h-hello s-sir. M-may I h-h-help you?"

"Yes sir, you may. I brought my own drink; could I have a glass with some ice?"

"Uh...y-yes sir. And you, miss?"

"I'll take the leaf sandwich special with a glass of milk." said Twilight.

"Okay, and, what w-would y-you like s-sir?" The waiter only freaked when talking to humans. Poor guy.

"I also brought my own drink, sorry, glass of ice? I'll also take a ham sandwich."

"R-right away s-sir."

He then looked at Pinkie, and as he did, his weak smile turned into one with great pleasure. "And what would you like miss? The usual?"

Pinkie nodded.

"Ham sandwich and a glass of ice, please!" I answered.

"Right away, s-sir."

I looked at our waiter as he hurried into the kitchen. Customers everywhere were staring at us as we attempted to fit in. Twilight was analyzing our every movement, for future reference and research. As the waiter went inside, I watched him. He was very busy with the other patrons as they eagerly awaited their food. He looked like a nice guy, hope he shows up tonight.

"Alright, so, Tal, ever think of what we're actually going to talk about when we do the actual Q&A? Like, any answers thought up, or, y'know, ANYTHING?"

"Yes. I can see it now. Music blaring through the speakers, as I come up on stage. The crowd cheers as I slowly reveal myself onto the stage. Then--"

"I think you're a bit full of yourself, Tal. Do you two agree?" said Taylor.

The two ponies were a bit busy eating their food, but then quickly swallowed and prepared their own answers.

"Will there be balloons?" said the pink one.

"Of course! Balloons for all!" I said. I was having an amazing time right now. However, I felt my 'good time' was unrealistic, even for me.

"Tal, your sugar levels are low, again." said Taylor.

"Oh shi-- I mean shoot, you're right. Let's pop open our sodas and calm down a bit."

Funny story. One time, I went a whole camp-out at Boy Scouts without sugar, because, y'know, dieting and stuff. Don't ask me, ask mom. Anyways, I grew increasingly hyper without my caffeine and sugar. Usually, I'm hyper, but I was almost literally bouncing off the walls at the scout reservation. I was checked for diabetes and ADHD, surprisingly, I only have ADD. We called it Tal Syndrome, but we eventually dropped it, because it was too awesome for Taylor. Taylor Note: It was dumb, and he took it too far. The End.

I cracked open my soda, and the two ponies with us and the surrounding tables jumped up a bit when the loud 'crack' sound came out of the soda. Within a minute, the entire restaurant kinda thought there was a bomb or something.

"What w-was that?" said Twilight. "Was that a b-bomb or something?"

"Nah silly! Its a soda! Everypony knows that!" said Pinkie. She giggled.

"Ten points to Gryffindor for outstanding knowledge of what a fine drink Coca-Cola is!" said I.

"Yeeeesss!" Pinkie hoof bumped the air.

"Twenty points for Pinkie accurately knowing what Gryffindor is, and why it's the best house!"

"What the hay is going on here?"" said Twilight. Taylor was sniggering too hard to tell her what.

"We had a book series that was also a movie series back then. Harry Potter. A boy who gets to become a wizard. Magic in our world doesn't exist, but here, it's everywhere. I know ten people that would cut their arms off to get to go to where Harry Potter did."

"Magic doesn't exist in your world?"

"We have science, that's just as good. Magic is too much of a fantasy in our world."

Twilight seemed upset for a bit, but then quickly levitated a notepad and pencil and wrote something down. She calmed down a bit, but still seemed peeved for a bit.

"In fact, that's how I got here in the first place. I built this inter-dimensional portal, and I guess this place was floating next to ours, and that's how I ended up here. So, yeah. Want a sip?" I motioned my soda towards Twilight. She looked off about drinking stuff from other worlds, but she levitated the coke out of my hand and drank it a little.

She immediately jumped a little, having never tasted this drink in her life. She then proceeded to chug it down in a very euphoric manner, savoring every last drop of it. She dropped the can, and only moved when the can hit the ground. Only then, she jumped at the loud sound the can made on impact. The entire establishment went silent. Every pony in the place stared as she started to vibrate. Her horn glowed brightly and started to vibrate as well. Everyone started to panic and rushed to the doors. She started to hover in the air as her body vibrated even harder. I was laughing and screaming at the same time. Soda just gave me a bit of hyperactivity, I didn't know it did this to ponies. Wouldn't it do less? Or is it because she was magical? Either way, I grabbed Taylor and Pinkie and ran out the door. Suddenly, as I pushed the door, she stopped vibrating and sunk into her chair. Her horn started to crackle with electricity as she stared forward at a wall. She was astounded at what just happened, and so was I.

"What. The. Hay. Was. That! You could have killed me!"

"Guess what? It didn't! Does it feel good?" I attempted to deflect the anger.

"Uh, a little."

"Have you noticed your horn is surging with electricity?"

"Uh, no. What would happen if I were to use my horn now?"

"Shit would happen, that's for sure." I said. Taylor doubled over in laughter and fell down. I was about to join him until Twilight hovered me up in the air.

"Oh my Celestia! You're lighter than air now! It used to take a lot of magic to lift you up, and now look!"

"If you're saying I'm fat, I could kill you if you let me go."

"Please tell me you have more of this soda."

"Matter of fact, I have three left. Want some to go?"

"You bet I do."


~~~



"When find Tal, I'm going to kill him." No sooner had those words left my mouth than I tripped over a branch. The Coca-Cola spilled out of my backpack and tumbled everywhere. What? What backpack you say? I don't know. I guess it flew farther than me when it got sucked through the portal, because this thing would not hold on a pony's body. Not just that, but it had Coca-Cola stains on it.

What was more important, though, was for me to get the soda to Tal. Remember the soda IV thing? He nearly died, until we  managed to get it on. I don't know what happened to him, but some shit went on.

Ah, finally. Ponyville. As soon as I got here, I saw Tal giving Twilight a soda at the diner. She started to shake like crazy and then hover in the air, then lightning was all over her horn and stuff. I don't really remember anything but that happening to her, and I don't think anything else happened. Twilight managed to pick up Tal in one burst of magic, and put him down just as quick. She rifled through Tal's backpack and grabbed another soda with her teeth, and set it down on the table. I can't wait to see another human being! I ran forward to Tal, yelling, "Guess whooooo?"




~~~


Twilight then proceeded to put me down gently, and then go through my backpack like some sort of wild animal. She pulled out a coke and set it down on the table, and magicked the can open, and chugged it.

"Chug chug chug chug!" yelled Pinkie.

"This is too freaking hilarious. I can't wait for the Q&A thing. By the way, Tal, did you set up the laptop?" said Taylor.

"You bet your sweet ass I did." we then highfived.

"Guess whooooo?" said someone. 

"Oh my Lord, is it you?" said I.

"You bet!"

"I can't believe it! How did you know to come to my house and activate the portal?"

"Automatic e-mail system. So, I heard you like soda?" she then threw her bag on the table, and stared at us with a smirk as the coke rolled out of the bag.

"You are a god, Liz."

"You know I like to be called Elizabeth, but for this time, just this time, I'll let it fly."

"Aww, I like calling you Liz."

"How many houses did you burn down? Five? Ten?"

"Nah, we might burn Town Hall down with our Q&A tonight. It's going to start in a bit." Right on cue, the bell struck.

"We better go, I've got some tunes about to start."Just like that, the three humans and the two ponies went off to the town hall. Elizabeth would be briefed later; but this is important.

However, something much more important was going on back at Tal's world...



~~~


"Hello?" said the Mrs. of the house.

"Officer Moore here, with the state police. We heard you call about a missing person?"

"Yes, he has been gone for three days now. Please, come inside."

"I'll make some coffee while I go get Peter. It's very late you know."

"Oh, thank you, Amy. Half and half please. Did you say the victim's room was to the right?"

"H-his name was T-Tal, and It's to the r-right."

"Thank you."

He had enough kidnapping shit. Three kids have been reported missing lately. A girl, and two boys. All around the age of fourteen, and were mutual friends. It was time to get to the bottom of this nonsense and find the trio before whoever got them manage to get away.

However, instead of finding blood, bullets, or any usual evidence, he found nothing but the carpet and a mysterious portal. Looking around it and dusting for fingerprints, he dialed up HQ's science lab.

"Rose? We have no fingerprints except on the weird portal frame here. This kid was into arcane shit right here."

"Alec, enough dillydallying, send me the fingerprints."

Alec quickly looked through his small binder of fingerprints, and found that the fingerprints on the lever matched all of the missing children's fingers to the very curve.

"I don't think we need fingerprints. I've found the culprit right here."

"What?"

"I'm pretty sure this teleporter thingy works. The lever has all the fingerprints, and I've put them next to the kids' fingerprints. This shit checked out for sure."

"I'll send in a investigator squadron, don't touch anything."

Of course, simply pulling the lever from the side wouldn't do anything, now would it? Oh, was he so wrong...

	

	
		
		
> First Impressions are Everything
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

As I pulled the curtains back slowly, I noticed the huge crowd of ponies waiting for the special guest to arrive. Granted, it wasn't that many, and some of the other ponies already know who it is. I didn't see any guests of honor around, so I calmed down a little.

"Hey Tal,"

I screamed so hard the crowd went silent for a second. When I opened my eyes, I was hanging off one of the ballasts used to keep the curtains down.

"Yeeeeaaaahhhh, mmkay. Man up a bit, get some hair on your balls, and get ready to go out. Dust off your Polo shirt and jeans, and don't forget to--" Taylor said.

At this point, I was using my hand to mimic his mouth, at which point he just up and left on me. He brought back my laptop and placed it down on the crate.

"If you're so smart, how come you didn't wire it up yet?"

"Twilight used some kind of voice throw magic to broadcast it all over the stage. Neat, huh?"

"What song was it again?" asked Twilight, as she stepped in. "Thanks for the compliment, by the way."

"No problem. The song was 'The Final Countdown', by the way. What's up?"

"Do you really think this is going to work? I'm the one who has met you for the longest--well, second longest--and I still don't know much about you."

I then bent down and got on one knee. "Twilight, I'm a man of psychology, and I know what makes people tick. From what I have seen lately, ponies are very much like humans in terms of intelligence. It'll be alright."

"The fact that's coming from an interdimensional kid who made this portal up out of boredom does give me a bit of comfort." She then looked up and smiled. I stood up and then realized how close she was to my face. No longer was the foot taller me, now is the half-foot taller me. I looked at my hands and realized with shock, as they were now drawn out in the art style of My Little Pony.

"Ridd Sorenson," I muttered to myself. "please do a good job on my artwork."

I took the microphone next to me and flicked the switches for the lights and fog machines. The building went dark, the fog started to spew, and Pinkie Pie was busy directing the spotlight at the curtains. I took a big breath and quickly looked outside again. A couple more ponies walked in and started chattering. It started to die down as I spoke with an announcer's voice into the microphone.

"Goooooood evening fillies and gentlecolts, today you're about to experience something new for the first time, a one of a kind chance to see,"

I quickly clicked on play for my song, and closed the lid, as to not distract the ponies from the main attraction. Thinking of which, I may have been a bit too proud in this, but what the hell could go wrong?



I waited for the song to catch up as Pinkie threw the lights in all directions across the curtains, as planned.

The trumpets blew. The volume was perfect. Only now, what the fuck am I supposed to do on stage? This is a Q&A, not some sort of dance contest. I guess I'll pump my fists a bit and dance a bit. I looked at Elizabeth. Surprisingly, she's been silent for this entire time, but when I looked at her, she gave the biggest dumb smile and waved. She was content with sitting with Twilight for a bit, and Twilight was more than happy to get the Q&A from an equal gender standpoint. When we met at the diner, she gave the biggest hug that was only rivaled by the one I got from Pinkie during planning. We didn't have time to talk much, as I rushed her onto stage to watch. Only then, during the Q&A, would we get a chance to talk more about what's going on.

"Ten, Nine, Eight,"
I said they were intelligent, but then again, they need to make a freaking friendship report on things like, 'Accept your friends for who they are' and other stupid stuff like that. 

"Six, Five,"

Oh well, time to make my first impression.

"A real live...huuummmmaaaaannnnn!"

"Three, Two, One."

The curtains were high enough for me to walk through. Pumping my fists and swinging them like crazy I started to lunge jump towards certain ponies in the front row. They were dumbfounded at first, but as the song said the countdown, they started to cheer. When I lunged like crazy, they cheered a little more. My dancing was a bit weird, but seeing a bipedal alien doing pelvic thrusts on stage is crazy enough to make you cheer.

This is it. My chance at making them know me is coming together in an epic puzzle. Say, Tal, why are you doing this? Aren't you just going to be famous for being one of the two people in the newest species? First question, no fucking clue. Second question, may as well be dancing to it.

Hey, where's Taylor?


~~~


Of all the lousy people that had to go on stage but me, it had to be Tal. Tal, Tal, Tal. All about him. I'm behind stage flicking switches, while this 'superstar' goes berserk in front of my dream to be. The only credit he deserves is building that portal thing, which in hindsight, is just enough credit to throw him on stage, but still? Why him?

What makes him so special? I'm better than him in every way but book smarts, and book smarts don't get you anywhere. Besides, I have eighth grade to deal with, and I'm on par with all the other people except him.

One thing could save the night though, as I saw the doors in the back fling open to reveal someone else.


~~~


Of all the lousy people that had to build a portal, it had to be Tal. Granted, he's pretty neat, saving me from feeling like a total social outcast, but falling a hundred feet through tree branches isn't fun. I checked my watch. 10:32. I looked at Tal, and gave a big fake smile. He looked really 'down to Earth' right now, which wasn't really like him. Poor guy.

Just then, a sudden but random realization came to me. Tal and Taylor are the only two human males I can hope to date.

I waited for Tal to go through the curtains, and then I kicked a crate across backstage.

"Do all humans do that?"

I sighed, then said, "No, Twilight. I guess I'm just mad at Tal for being the only possible boyfriend right now. Not that I have anything against interspecies stuff, but, y'know."

"...my assistant, Spike, has a crush on Rarity. Problem is, poor guy is a dragon, and Rarity is a high-class pony. I don't think there's really a chance for Spike to get Rarity.

Just then, Pinkie Pie twitched, then whispered, "Forrrreevvvverrrr." She had a job to do, but she'll put up with Twilight later. She can't mess with Twilight from the catwalks.

"Heh. Poor guy. Hope he finds someone else."

"Hey, what about Taylor? Isn't he a candidate for mating?"

"Wait what? No! Noooooo, noooo, nooooo! No! No mating! I'm not old enough for sex!"

Twilight cocked her head in a, 'What?' kind of way. "But I thought Tal said he was old enough for that kind of stuff."

"You should have learned by now that Tal is a bit of a...an...uhm,"

"Aloof overhyped kind of guy?"

"Exactly. Y'know what? I think I'll like my time here."


~~~


I was dancing my heart out, but for some reason the ponies weren't cheering anymore.

"Uh, hooman? The song, is, um, over."

"Oh, sorry, right. Lights!" Lights turned on. I heard Pinkie Pie grumbling something about promises on the catwalk, but that's for another time I guess.

I sat down on the edge of the stage with my microphone. I looked at it. It spoke to me in the sense that we were going to be great friends. I eyed it with delight and then looked at the crowd.

"So, do I say everypony or everyone? It's just ponies here, right?"

"A dragon too!" I heard from the back of the room. I ignored it.

"Oh well. This is Q&A I hyped up about. Any questions?

Everyone raised a hoof.

"Oh wow. I'm looking at my watch here and it says that I can't answer all of them in this timeframe. Lift them up a little higher."

I saw the veins on their hooves come into view as they bulged against the flesh.

"I can see somepony is trying to hurt themselves here. How about you? Yes you, the one with the fur."

Giggles were heard in the room.

"How about this lady in the third row? The one with the horn and the purple wavy mane. Tell me your name sweet cheeks, and I'll buy you a drink."

A little laughter was in the room. Any fear of this bipedal monster was quickly removed, although I don't think any lasted.

"It's Rarity, sweetie, and I don't stoop down to that level."

"It's rather more of a step up for me, if you haven't seen me outside of this room. Which I'm sure I scared some poor waiter back there. Alright, shoot your question."

"What's with that horrendous attire choice of yours?"

Everyone in the room laughed up a storm.

"Okay, Rarity right? Lemme tell you something. When you build a portal to other lands, fall a hundred feet through tree branches, and get eaten by squirrels, tell me when you ever gave two shits about clothing."

Most of the looser ponies were howling with laughter now, while Rarity blushed a bit.

"I, um, s-sorry, how rude of me." she quickly mumbled.

"No worries. I look kind of dumpy right now anyways. Know anyone that can make clothing?"

"That would be me, darling."

"Look at that! Upgraded to the status of 'darling!' Do I get a prize?"

"No, you don't, but while you're trying my patience you can get sized up for clothing. Is that a hundred inch waistline I see?"

She pretty much turned the tables on me, then flipped it. The other ponies seemed to enjoy this, and laugh a bit too. I ain't no comedy club. I quickly removed my blush and then continued.

"Sweetie, that's a mirror. You see yourself in the mirror, not me."

"Ahem! Please excuse him for his, behavior, I'll answer some too." Taylor came to the rescue. "What the fuck was that?" he whispered.

"Lemme answer a question for all of you," I said. "This dude is Taylor, and I'm Tal. That should shoot down a couple questions. Also, Rarity, I'll be more than happy to get some clothing at your place tomorrow. No harm done, eh?" I threw my hand out towards her. She shook it, taking into consideration my five digits on my hand.

"No bad blood."

"Alright! Good! Next question! The one with the nice Stetson hat! I like Stetsons. Reminds me of the time my buddy Keith and I--"

"I'll answer this one, thank you Tal. What's your name?"

"Applejack. Here's mah question fer you. How'd ya play that music without a band or anything?"

"Simple. Also, for asking an intelligent question, ya get another human. Elizabeth? Can you get the laptop?" I said.

She came around with my laptop. I actually built this one, God knows how long it took to find a case.

"Taylor, I'll take this one from here. See this box? It does a bunch of things, like playing video games, going on the Internet, listening to music, and getting work stuff done. The Internet is something we have back home, where we can find any piece of information we want, and at the same time, interact with one another. Now I don't think I can show you anything from the Internet, because I need to be back ho--What? Well, I guess my portal still has an open rift or something, because I have a strong signal! Applejack, here's your question. What would you like to see, if you could have any piece of information?" Upon that lengthy talk, Elizabeth sat down next to me.

She thought for a bit, and then replied, "Do you have apples?"

"Of course! Lemme pull up a picture or two of them." I quickly Googled 'apple' and brought up a huge list of pictures to show.

"Twilight? Have any spell that could show whatever is on this screen goes up there?"

"On it!" A burst of magic came from backstage towards the laptop, and a huge floating projector screen came up in midair with my laptop screen on it.

Upon the magic deal, Applejack could easily see a local technology company and their logo. Everyone oohed and ahhed, albeit in a confused tone.

"Whoops, that's a company. Let me do 'apple orchard' instead."

On cue, she was flooded with thousands of pictures of apple trees.

"Why ain't they buckin' the trees?"

"We aren't as strong as you ponies, so we do manual picking. Nowadays, we have machines do it for us."

"Do you have one to show us?" yelled someone in the back.

"Yes, actually. Robot dog. He's in standby mode at Fluttershy's cottage, so hold on a second." I pulled out a remote control and pushed a button. "Wait a bit, and he'll come by. One more question before I show the dog?"

"Yeah, I have a question," chimed in a voice to the left of me. "Why did you send me out with the important job of getting you a soda?"

"That's a question for another day."

"What's a soda?" chimed in another voice, to the left of the crowd.

"We aren't doing the 'raise-your-hand' things anymore, are we? No, guessed not. Alright, so we have this stuff back home where we can make the water all fizzy and different, and then we add special syrup to make it taste really good. Not really good for you or your teeth, but still yummy. Also, for some weird reason, I literally can't survive without it."

The dog rolled in right after I said 'literally,' and then jumped up on my lap. Having plowed through the entire crowd was enough to make everypony jumpy for a while.

"This, is K-9, or TalOS. Neat dog. He can do stuff like play fetch and roll over and all that stuff like normal dogs, but he's pretty smart too. I built him," saying with pride in the voice. "so I would have a companion."

"How old are you?"

Taylor answered this question. "I'm thirteen and a half, Tal's fourteen, and Elizabeth is thirteen and a half as well. Now, we're not 'old', rather, we're teenagers. We actually become adults at eighteen-ish or so. So our life expectancy is around seventy years or so. We're older, yeah, but same level as a pony teenager."

"Let Elizabeth answer the next one, Taylor." said I. Elizabeth seemed overjoyed to get a microphone into her hands.

"Ooooookay! Fire away!" said she. Her pluck quickly came back in the form of words; nice to see her like this.

"How do you mate?"

"...I don't like this question."

I leaned into the microphone and then said, "Just the same way ponies do." I made the finger through the hole sign with my hands and raised my eyebrows up and down.

"Why art thou in this country?"

"Well, that's a weird question, see--"

Suddenly, a dark blue aura surrounded us. Or maybe dark purple. I don't know. I was freaking out too much to really focus on it.

"Ah, shite." I said.

"You never say shite. You're more of a 'shit' person to me." Taylor said.

"You never know." Elizabeth said. "He is pretty random. You know that for a fact."

"SILENCE!" boomed the Royal voice of Luna.

"..."

"Thank you, sister. I'll take it from here."

"Shite." said all three of us.
	
	
> Finding the Parole Officer
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Why did you come here?" a great booming voice said, in a slightly relaxed manner, as if trying to keep everything calm and collected.

"Wanna know the truth?" I said. "I really have no fucking clue."

Luna had brought us into the mayor's office to have a little 'chat'. Luna was slumped against the wall without a care in the world. Celestia sat us down at the desk as she took Mayor Mare's seat.

Princess Celestia looked mildly surprised at the colorful word that was put in that very closely resembled a type of apple farming. She straightened her posture and then asked the question again, in a louder voice.

"I can cover for him." Elizabeth said, "We came here for...eh...um..." 

"I'm a scientist back at my world." I finished.

"That too," she said.

"...And?" continued Celestia.

"Pretty much just means that I built something to go to other dimensions away from my world. Remember those dark clouds?" Celestia nodded. "Alright, good. Well, every time one of us came into this world, there was one dark cloud for each person. I've been trying to fix those ones that have circled around for some time now. How many did you see?"

"Six."

"Well, okay, this dude here is named Taylor, sweet-cheeks over there is Elizabeth, and I'm Tal. Taylor and I first came here through the work of my portal, but it very nearly blew up on us. We arrived in this same world, but on a small hill as a pony, like you. Wait, did you say six? Taylor and I came here twice, that’s four, and Liz came here once. That’s five. Are you sure there were six?"

"Yes. Who else did you bring?"

"...fuck..."

I buried my face into my hands, as Taylor sat there with an awkward gawk, the one reserved for the kid who needed to lock the house door, but didn't, and now has a burglar in their house.

Elizabeth was silently laughing - y'know, the facial movements, no sound. - until the princess and the two boys stared daggers at her.

I gave a loud whistle to beckon my dog. He zipped around the corner into the office we were in. Celestia jumped about a foot before quickly settling down.

"You like? When I said I was a scientist, I didn't lie. This is TalOS, or K-9. He can tell us who exactly is here. K-9, activate video screen."

The screen showed a familiar police officer falling down branches.

"Ah, SHITE! It's Alec!" said I. Taylor and I all knew too well what this guy was doing in our house. Elizabeth was just staring.

"Do you know this guy?" said Elizabeth quizzically,

"Know him? He's Tal's parole officer. Remember that time where he built a soda rocket? He overdid it, and was tried as an adult, so Ethan here is pretty much his babysitter." said Taylor.

"While he stands and stares, what did his soda rocket do?"

"Leveled some guys house. It was Old Man Jack's house, so don't worry. Good was done."

At this point, I was standing with my jaw to the floor.

"Tal, do you realize what danger you may have put my country in?"

"...Yes Princess..." I felt really childish and dumb for saying that, but what else do you do when you freak?

At this point, Taylor and Elizabeth had quietly moved to the back of the room, and left me to deal with an alicorn.

The pain I felt, was a mixture of self-consciousness of realizing you liked a little girl's show, and a feeling of hurting something indirectly. Pretty much a bit of pure masculinity drain and some failure.

I straightened myself and attempted to readjust my backpack strap. Only to realize that I left it at Twilight's house. I looked into Celestia's eyes for the first time since I said Shite.

It was a face of pure authority, and a face that spoke what would happen if I didn't comply with whatever she said. This face will forever be burned into my mind.

"You will find this stallion, Alec, and bring him back here. After you bring him back, you are going back to your world, and you will never come back."

Shite. It doesn't pain me as much as it did back then, but having your dreams and hopes crushed in two sentences really sucks. Ever have the ability to buy an ice cream cone that was going out of stock forever, but not being able to? That there is my feelings right now.

"Celestia, I promise I will bring him back. But to be frank with you, I really don't have a clue on getting back."

"How did you know my name?"

At this point, Taylor and Elizabeth were attempting an escape from the room, but Luna put her hoof across the door. I was standing there like your parent accused you of watching porn, after catching you in the act.

"I said, how did you know my name? By your 'performance' out there, I don't think you know anything about this world you just got into."

"...fine. I'm going to tell you. Back in our world, this world is actually a little girl's TV show. Where Twilight Sparkle and friends learn about friendship and magic. You're a side character, and the three of us are obsessed teenagers who have zero social life. Our fanbase calls themselves Bronies, and we write fanfiction, music, and art about this. I got here because I knew how, and the three of us are the only Bronies to ever even look here with their own eyes. Alec isn't a brony, nor does he even have a daughter who watches the show. He's never even heard of it before. I've asked his wife. Now if you let me and my friends go get Alec, that would be great."

As Celestia and Luna stood in shock, Luna's hoof was easily moved out of the way as we walked out the door. Slamming it behind us, I proceeded to kick a paint bucket across the room, splashing a couple ponies with neon green paint. I punched a hole in the drywall to see Celestia's still paralyzed face, and I continued to punch more walls until there was a fine line between the other wall and the door. My two companions did nothing to console me as I grabbed my laptop and snapped it in half, and pitch it at a unicorn, who grabbed it with magic just in time. Grabbing the curtains in an attempt to rip them failed, and as I was stopped by my lack of destruction on the curtains, I laid down on the stage and cried. The paint covered ponies already left, and the unicorn whom I nearly injured with my laptop walked off in disgust. Twilight slowly walked towards me and sat down next to me.

In just hours, I have gained the respect of an entire town, and then lost it. The remaining ponies had either left or stayed to watch what happened. I didn't know what to think, but I sure as hell knew what not to think. I didn't think badly of Celestia for threatening to banish me, and I didn't think badly of anypony leaving the town hall because of me, and I was sure as hell not judging my parole officer for bumbling in here to screw up everything.

Feeling very self-conscious, I sat back up and quickly scooted behind the curtains. Twilight proceeded (man, I use that word a lot, don’t I) to scoot towards me until she was behind the curtains as well. We heard many ponies clop out of the town hall, until we were sure there were none left. Peeking from under the curtain, I saw Celestia, Luna, Elizabeth, and Taylor having a discussion. I’m pretty sure it was about me, and I took a mental note to pay for the drywall repairs later.

“You know, talking to a friend about your problems helps. I read about it in a book.”

I slowly turned my head up and to the right to see a lavender colored unicorn a little too close to me. In a, ‘best best friend’ kind of way. I’m pretty sure I’ve only gained the trust of Twilight and Fluttershy, and Pinkie trusts everyone, but I’m not sure about Rarity.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I quickly snapped out of my thoughts and back into reality to examine Twilight’s face. It was one of those ‘dumb pity’ faces. You know, that face where the guy is trying to help you cope, but instead, he goes on about something that isn’t what’s making you feel bad. Same face for either one, but you see it differently.

“I don’t know Twi. A lot of things happened in that room that were kind of weird and extravagant. Besides, we have a mission to do.” I wiped my eyes and stood up. My laptop was pretty messed up, being broken in half and all, and I wasn't too proud of myself for doing that to my precious computer. My backpack, on the other hand, was in pristine condition. I packed up my laptop and put on my backpack, ready for anything.

“What would that mission be?”

“We’re not the only three that came here.”

“What do you mean? I only saw you three. Who else did you bring?”

“Well, my portal to here, isn’t exactly the most private and most protected thing in the world. The only thing that was guarding it was my door, and that was left open. The fourth dude is my parole officer.” Seeing the shocked face on Twilight, I continued. “No no no, I didn’t commit a crime. I just blew a hole through a neighbor’s wall with a bottle rocket. Nothing too big. Except, y'know, leveling an entire house with a bottle rocket.”

“Oh, okay. Where is this fourth human?”

“After my long rampage, I’d say almost near the clearing near Fluttershy's cottage."

We just kind of stood there for a second. I pushed my hands through my hair, something I never did before. I never was cool enough to do it, but now I realize it was a stress reliever of some sort. It doesn't work, I'll tell you what. As my hands went through my hair I noticed how much more art style they borrowed from the show.

Twilight put on her saddle bags, and then nervously adjusted them right after adjusting them. I don't think I need to tell you, but this mare will adjust everything to perfection when she's nervous. She looked at me with shining eyes, not eyes for romance, but ones that just shined. Like, normal shiny. Everything is too fucking shiny here.

I was always one for romance, now that we're on the subject, and always a huge blundering idiot that attempted to pick up every girl I met. Huh..."huge blundering idiot"...I can really sum up the last couple of days with that set of adjectives and a noun. I just want to say right off the bat that I'm not a misanthropist. I love humanity. If it wasn't for humanity, I wouldn't have nearly the amount of education to build that portal. If it wasn't for humanity, I wouldn't exist. Humanity sucks at time, but after all, isn't human race the most dominant? Except over ants, of course. There's a ton of ants for each person. Just a bit of self-awareness and we're fucked.

"Towel, are you okay?"

"It's Tal. Tah, Ale. Tal. And no, I'm not okay. I just pissed off your two high rulers with words that could send this world into chaos, and these couple of days haven't been too fine. As you may have known, or not, we bashed Fluttershy over the head for 'self-defense', and just opened up a portal to this world that my peers - Heh, yeah right, - would probably use to get here. Soon after that the entropy levels of this place would skyrocket, and probably rain down chocolate milk, and then eventually implode."

"...a pretty bad day, right?"

"Like you wouldn't freaking believe. We have to go now, before Celestia says something I don't want to hear." I said that with the same kind of voice a death row inmate would say.

"Wait!" said a voice, "Celestia wants to talk to you! She wants a compromise!"

"Okay, Elizabeth, what kind of compromise? The one in cheesy action flicks where 'die, or go to jail' kind of deal, or an actual kind of deal?"

"I'm pretty sure it's the actual thing Tal." said Taylor.

"ugh...fine. I'll go in and make her a deal." "Hopefully my deal making skills are up to par after a long time of use. That reminds me of the time-"

"Shut it, Tal. We can talk about Keith all day long when we're fetching your parole officer." Wise words from Taylor, apparently.


~~~


As Elizabeth sat down in the office, overhearing everything that went down, she looked outside the door. Hundreds of shocked ponies stared at the door waiting for a sign that something may happen other than arguing. Elizabeth gave them a shrug, and the other ponies stared at her. Luna noticed the shrug and then closed the door, with eyes staring icicles into her face.

She turned around to see K-9 showing the picture of a parole officer wandering around through the forest, mouthing something like "What the fuck" over and over. The details Elizabeth relayed to me during this writing is really fuzzy up until I started pitching my fit. Elizabeth was trying really hard to show some sort of expression other than sadness and laughter. I've had that combo before, it sucks. It's like when the coffin at the funeral just rolls off while the pastor dude is praying, and everyone stops crying for a second and laughs, and then realizes it's their husband. Celestia was pretty darn shocked, and the drywall punch woke her to her senses.

"What in the name of Equestria is wrong with that human?" She turned to face Elizabeth.

"It's called a 'mental disorder'. We have a huge variety of them back on Earth."

"We have some like that, but not as bad as that. Are you sure Mayor Mare gave him permission?"

"Truth is stranger than fiction, I guess." said Taylor.

The two of them had their chairs balanced against the wall in a way you would see a 'cool dude' at school kick his chair back. Celestia was looking over the table with her hooves on either side of the desk. Luna was still leaning against the wall.

Waiting for the opportunity to let in a word, Luna said, "I don't know. He looks like my kind of guy."

"You can't date aliens from another dimension who threw paint across the town hall, punched holes in drywall, and apparently brought in other aliens as well. That's bestiality."

"Hold the telegram, sister. I am not dating any alien...soon." She lurched forward with the hooves in a fashion you would see from a ghost story teller at a campfire.

"While he sorts his issues with Twilight, I want you two...sane individuals to go get him to make a deal. I promise no harm will be done to him, or you two, or anyone else. As long as you cooperate.

Luna lifted up her hoof from the door and stood up on all four legs now. Speaking of which, Elizabeth never mentioned, but a pony standing on hind legs leaning back into a wall, isn't really a pretty sight, at least to my eyes.


~~~


"You want what?!"

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I have no other way of getting you back there."

"I'm the best of my effing kind in science, and I could whip up anything in a week, but a friggen portal without the tools I have back home?! You're out of your mind! I need those tools!"

"I'm sure we'll have them if you need them."

"What do you have if I try to run away? I mean, you've seen what I did to your drywall -oh shit. I'm going to fix that later.- and other things, so I'm pretty damn sure you aren't trusting me with the smallest chore here."

"You are, in fact, completely right." She said with a smile.

"Oh no, not another parole officer. I mean, geez, it's been nice staying with Fluttershy and Twilight, but I'm not sure I can take that in stride if they're my officers."

"Not Fluttershy, she doesn't really want to cooperate with you, of course, but she's fine with Elizabeth. Also, if you build the portal back, I won't have you tried for assault."

"Gee, thanks. Sigh... Alright, fine. You win. I'll build the portal as fast as possible. But, in this world with varied laws of physics, it's going to take a lot longer than the years of school slacking off it took me to make the blueprints for the original portal."

"Good. Twilight will be leading the trek up the mountains to rescue Alec. Since he looks to be much older than you three, I'll personally watch over him. If any problem is to occur between you three, I'll take the measures needed. But, I'm sure you'll be just fine, living in a house of something you have wanted for a long time?"

"Alright, I'll explain the rest of the brony stuff later. For now, I'm going to put this on record. Twilight is not a 'thing', and I'll make sure nothing blows up on my watch. We need a mutual trust for this compromise to work, mmkay? I, Tal, promise not to blow anything up, have prolonged exposure with any pony that isn't related to me in a professional relationship, and spend a fair amount of time per day on the portal back home."

"We have a deal then?"

"What's your part of the deal?"

"To be honest with you, you should be in a jail cell right now..."

"Alright fine. Just promise not to throw me in jail until I go home."

Celestia sighed for a brief moment, knowing full well she might have to catch me in the act of leveling a house with a bottle rocket, and stuck out her hoof. I, in the most awkward way known to man, took her hoof and shook it.

"Alright, Taylor, Elizabeth, let's go find our dude."


~~~


As you may know, this is a book. And like all good books, they must have a good end. I call bullshit. The last book of Harry Potter had the most bullshit of endings. That book was fucking awesome, and no one mentioned the seventh ending. The thing you really need, is a good middle, for plot, start, so people read, and a wrap up. Not a 'good' end, but a wrapped up one. Just make sure everything is neat under a bow, dotted 'i's and crossed 't's and all that stuff. I have noticed, over the pages printed from my typewriter, that my companions always proof check and review, that I may or may not have mentioned all of the secret pockets in my backpack. For example, I have a pocket with a figurine of my two friends, and my dog. I keep these three to keep me on track, to realize what my goal is. Another pocket has a chocolate bar that grows back, but doesn't taste very good. Another one even has a...wait...you didn't get to that part of the story yet, did you? Huh, that's a couple chapters away, but it'll come soon, I promise.

One of the aforementioned secret pockets also included beef jerky. It would have been much easier to say I had a pocket with beef jerky in it, but I needed to finish up this ink ribbon before I used the next one. This beef jerky was more like dried bacon strips, but it was sure damn good.

The five of us, Twilight, Me, Taylor, Elizabeth, and K-9 were all with me. Certainly not the last of us in a desolated plant zombie future, like I dreamed of, but certainly the group I would probably bring to go to the grocery store with, or paintball, or perhaps find a parole officer of some sort in the woods.

It was soon too easy to realize how close he was to the clearing of the woods, and in about fifteen minutes we found him. Which was a shame, because my beef jerky/dried bacon wasn't properly put to use. Along the way on our adventure, Elizabeth tripped over a branch, five sodas were consumed, and K-9 ate a squirrel. All in all, pretty normal. Seeing Alec stumble around like an idiot was pure happiness for me, as he looked more confused than the time where I went on a Boy Scout camping trip, parents leaving me without a cell phone, no Scouts to be around. It was later revealed I was a day early, and I had to survive on the squirrel's scraps. Confusion and scraps abound, either way, I loved seeing him stumble towards us.

"How did I know you three would be--holy shit a colored horse."

"That's usually the conversation I would expect from someone who hasn't watched the My Little Pony thing..." says the human girl.

"My Little Pony? Holy shit."

"I thought you didn't watch that?" questioned Taylor.

"Nope, I heard of it, but I made sure I would never watch the show, let alone set foot in it."

Twilight had yet to make herself known that not only was she not a horse, but she talked too. Showing off to aliens seemed like the best idea at the time to her.

"I think Twilight wants to talk to you." said me.

"Hello there, Alec."

"Holy shit they talk now. This is what I get for not retiring. Lying about their fucking 401k I swear to God. I should've quit."

"Would you like some fresh spring water, or a hay sandwich? Tal brought this phenomenal thing the other day, It's called coke, it was made with carbonated water and special syrup. It had quite an impact on my magic capabilities. It was like--"

"Holy shit. A science-y horse. A chatterbox, at that."
> Alec Gets Settled In
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"Okay, back it up. You watch a show for little girls, and people masturbate to it?"

Oh God. "No, well, yes. But the thing is-"

"That's all I needed to hear. Now where the hell is the ride back home?"

"One small problem. I have to build another, minus the tools I built back home that made it much quicker."

"...fuck..." He then proceeded to mumble about a 401K and kick over a chair. I wonder if Celestia thinks we're warmongers, after all the shit I destroyed. I still need to fix that wall though.

"So, who else is here?"

The entire gang was in front of Twilight's treehouse, the porch light on, and some crappy lawn chairs were put up for the four of us. When I say four, I mean me, Elizabeth, Alec, and Twilight. She was tinkering with my laptop to make it work. Taylor was busy using the bathroom, while my robot dog was resting near my feet. The dog was pretty cute in it's robot form, among every other form, the dog one was one of the most practical and cutest. The only two other forms was a motorbike and car form, neither of which has been fully implemented. As much as I wished for a bike to be here right now, that isn't going to be possible without my computer back home, which had an extreme amount of tools to work with.

What am I thinking? I had a six out of five bar connection back home, along with remote control and my tools to use. I had a webcam set up just right to monitor anyone coming into my room. Call it a deus ex machina, but nonetheless, if you were in my position, you wouldn't care.

I may need to hurry, because my battery was at 50%, and I'm not sure if there were any plugs in the immediate vicinity.

"No one else except the people that rescued you."

"I didn't need rescuing, except the rescue you're providing to get out of here."

"Ah, yeah. Good news, in the weird sort of way that it immediately follows after bad news."

"Spit it out boy, I still have my taser."

"Alright fine. I still have my laptop, along with a weird connection back to Earth. I'm not connected to a router of any sort, but instead the entire Internet with just a little more strength in my home. Meaning, I have full access to my computer and webcam, plus any technology built within a mile of my home. I haven't had this much power over utilities since, ever."

Alec blinked, and stared at me for a second. "English, por favor."

"I still have Internet access, plus access to every computer in the world, provided I have proper credentials."

"Could you pull up a video feed of your bedroom?"

"Sure thing." I got my laptop back from Twilight. I then started typing in my IP address and connecting to it. I had video of my desktop, and all it took was a couple of clicks to see what my webcam was showing. I turned it around and focused on random objects in my room, until I was satisfied with my webcam working.

"Great. Oh, God."

There were swarms of hazmat officers staring over my portal, while a couple was playing on my N64. I had full audio as well, so hearing them tear at each other for playing as Oddjob amused me.

"HEY!" I screamed at my mic, "GET OFF MY NINTENDO!"

They all immediately freaked out and started scrambling to find the source of the audio.

"Over here!"

They all crowded around the computer. It was a funny and creepy sight at the same time. Faceless masks in a mob around the monitor.

"I'll take care of it." said Alec. "I think I broke the portal when I came through. Now what you need to do is-" I slapped his hand and threw down the laptop lid.

"NO! Bad Alec. Bad."

"What the hell is wrong with you? I was this close to getting out of here! Don't tell me you want to tie me down here in your little fantasy land."

"If you flip the switch, then all thirty of those hazmats get in. Thirty hazmats is bigger than four humans and a robot dog. I made a deal, Alec. We're the only ones, and I'm supposed to get us out. If the government gets in, they'll probably bring world affairs into this whole thing. That isn't going to happen. For once in my life, I'm taking responsibility."

I blinked, but it felt like hours that I had my eyes closed. What used to be in front of me, Alec, Elizabeth reading a book on a lawn chair, the treehouse, that was all gone. Instead, I saw a pool and a huge mob of people. I looked to my left and saw the clock. It had the event and heat numbers, and the times for each kid. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I was at my first swim meet.

"Now son," my dad said, "do you remember your events?"

"Yeah dad. fifty free, one hundred breast, and two hundred IM."

"Great. Your fifty free event is almost here. Go and get them."

I smiled and ran over to the starting blocks. The smile quickly swept away as I got into line. I looked down at my feet and only saw the tightest swim suit ever. Not Speedo small, where it barely covered your crotch, but instead swim trunk size, but insanely tight. I was sweating bullets.

"Event number sixteen, heat one, on the blocks."

I swallowed whatever was in my throat and looked at the crowds. Dad was waving and jumping around. I smiled and waved back. I got on the blocks and looked at the water. Time slowed down as I assessed my opponents. High schoolers. At the time, I was just getting into high school, and had a less than average athletic ability. I shook it off and looked at the water again. The air horn blasted and I was in the water. I swam as fast as I could and flipped forwards. My legs reached out towards the wall. All there was, was water, no wall. Frantically kicking around for it, I ended up swimming back towards the other wall and finished. 35 seconds, not too good, but not too bad. The events that followed weren't as good.

"Hey Tal, you awake?"

I snapped back to reality to see Taylor waving his hand in my face. I shivered a bit and answered his question.

"Yeah, just thinking about that crappy swim meet again. I really don't want to think about it for a long time." Well, I wrote down two-thirds of it for you, dear readers. You guys owe me.

"Oh, yeah. That kinda sucked didn't it?" said Elizabeth.

"Yep. Oh wait, where are my manners? Alec, let me give you a tour of the treehouse."


~~~


"And that's the bathroom. Any questions?"

"Yeah, wheres the part where I go home?"

"Alec, that isn't happening for a while. I still have to figure out how to get home in a one way portal. That isn't happening right now. Enjoy your time here, get a small job, and relax a while. Think of it as a vacation. Or retirement, minus the 401k."

"I guess I don't have a choice, but I'm going to make sure you actually build the gate instead of goofing off. I'm still your parole officer, and you're still under parole."

"Jeez, may as well marry Celestia."

"There's that name again. Do I get to meet her anytime soon? Maybe she can pull her weight, unlike some kids around here."

I ignored the retort. Well, I didn't really want to ignore it. I had a huge inside gag that would totally decimate Alec, but when Twilight walked in, the mood was a little lighter.

"I have important news for everyone involved here. Among the news, I have brought gifts from Celestia."

"Does that include food?" said Taylor,

"Yes Taylor, food."

Taylor pumped his fists up in down in the most quiet way possible.

"Since I'm the oldest, I get the news first, which state that I go home right now, right? Is my gift some sort of teleporation spell back home?"

"No and no. Since Tal is the most important person here, he gets the news and his gift first. Then his companions, then you. Tal is the only person working on the portal, so go ask him." She turned to me. She seemed less grouchy when she looked at me. She grinned and said, "Celestia sent you a letter. Want me to read it?"

If I haven't already stated that I had a crush on Twilight, I'll go ahead and say it again. Twilight is my biggest crush. Everything I have ever wanted in a girl is embodied in Twilight. She's nice and smart, quirky and cheeky, and is socially awkward like me. I kept on staring at Twilight as she asked me for her permission to read out my letter. It was getting awkward, but let me tell you a story. 

As getting her in the first place wasn't previously possible, I had to resort to human girls. Like the aforementioned Bryanna, and a...certain girl named Maddie. It pains me to write this, but I hate cliffhangers, and I want to get it off my chest as quickly as possible.

Maddie is a cute chick, one of the many on my swim team. Having gotten stronger and more confident, I looked over my 'choices' of women. One of whom happened to be Madison, Maddie, or Country, as Coach called her. Excuse the cliche, but the moment my eyes set on her, I was dumbfounded. I already knew her personality, but when you look at things through a love coated pair of glasses, she's beautiful.

As soon as I could get to my computer, I quickly Googled every possible tip or hint she may be giving to alert me to the fact she may indeed, actually like me. Many manhours that could have been spent on cancer or AIDS were spent on this one chick.

Having researched the entire Internet for ideas, I biked to swim practice with earbuds on. The song that was on repeat was, funnily enough, "You Spin Me Right Round." Anyways, I was too shy to talk to her, and that continued for a couple more weeks. Then, something happened.

I asked my friends about it in the locker room, as they were continually telling me to ask her out, and they told me that they didn't know. I asked Madison's friend, Alexia, about it, and a conversation like this went on.

"Lexi, do you know if Maddie likes me?

"Ohhhhh, MADDIE! TAL HAS A CRUSH ON YOU!"

I quickly burst out of the building and jumped on my bike. Fumbling for the lock with my sweaty hands I heard a friend yell, "SHES HERE!" at me, and my hands burst into even more sweat. The lock opened and I jumped on my bike. I went 88 miles back home with the reddest face I have ever felt and didn't discuss it.

Asking my friends about it only cued the most depressing sentence I have heard. "She thinks you're creepy." Serves me right, I guess. She was apparently only twelve and a half, and I was fourteen.

I had a complete face of apathy the next day, as I fumbled up the nerve to apologize for being creepy. She and her friend stared at me for a bit, and walked in the girl's locker room. I bought a soda and pushed the exit door.

"Why are you buying coke?"

"Oh, hey Alexia. Just buying this to calm my nerves, get the dopamine running again."

"You're weird, Tal."

"In all the right ways." I gave a weak smile and walked back out the door. I was amused to see the look of confusion on her face as I walked out. I saw Maddie on my way to the bike, but I didn't care. I asked my friend about it later, and they actually asked her about it. I was too emotionless to care, but the next words brought me up on my feet.

"She thinks you think she thinks you're creepy."

I understood those words. Those words helped. A lot.

"Uh, Equestria to Tal, hello?" said Twilight.

I missed that girl.
	
> Nighttime is a Bitch
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Now, that wasn't a very good end to that chapter, but the Equestrian air really takes the energy out of you, and makes you tired. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. Long story short, Madison was someone that I got over and didn't really want to care about after a while. All I need is my robotic companion and my two friends. My love for Maddie was something that quickly transitioned to anime and MLP, which I don't think was all too healthy for me in the sense that I would need human friends instead of a waifu and a robot dog. Fortunately for me, my parents forced me to make friends or join boarding school. I made the decision to make friends instead of sit in a medieval boarding school that doesn't have computers.

Enough about me, I'm here to write about my journey through space and time not some damn high school drama.

"Tal? Helllloooooo?"

"Oh, sorry, reminiscing over...delightful times. What's up?"

"It's really late. Taylor and Alec already finished dinner and Elizabeth is starting hers. I can make you something if you like." She had sunken eyes from hours of midnight reading. Being a heavy reader myself, I can tell you firsthand that eccentric readers always look like this. She yawned and stretched her arms to rival Stretch Armstrong's arm length and then scratched her back, which had a ton of mosquito bites from outside. I'm sure almost all of the animals talked, but that didn't make me any more hesitant to kill a couple of them swooping down on my arm.

"Alright, I'll go in. Whats for dinner? Wait, let me guess, Alec complained about it, didn't he?"

Twilight yawned again, and then answered. "Surprisingly enough, he liked what I gave him. He seemed to have adjusted to Equestria better than I - or any of us - expected to."

"You must have served him some huge steaks. What did you make?"

"I didn't really know what to make him, even after asking him. He only grunted and asked me not to put flowers or hay in his sandwich, so I just grilled some grilled cheese sandwiches. Yours is getting cold by the way, so we need to go in." She took a hoof to massage her temples and stretched it out, and then stretched the other one. She bucked the air until she was sure all of her joints were cracked into oblivion.

"Sounds like we need to get to bed. Today was too long of a day, and I want to get my tantrum out of my head so I can sleep. Where do I sleep?"

"Elizabeth and Taylor have the guest room," Lucky bastards. "Alec took the couch, begrudgingly, so that means..."

"I get the floor?"

She giggled, "Nah, I don't have enough blankets for you to sleep there, so..."

"I have to, uh, sleep with you?"

She blushed, which is usually the start of a romance tag of some sort. You don't use the word blush unless they blush, and she turned beet red.

"Uh, mm, sorry."

"Oh, it's no problem. I'm just glad I get a mattress and a blanket to boot. You're not too bothered by this, are you?"

"Are you?"

"Hell no." Instant regret. I sound like I want to get inside her, uh, pants.

"Well, uh, dinner is probably cold now, better go inside and eat it before it rots."

"I guess so." That lasted longer than it should. Much more awkward in hindsight, believe it or not.

We eventually went inside and ate the sandwich. Being cooked by a student I would expect it to be top-notch, but it was just a little bit of a let-down. Nevertheless, it was pretty damn good. Since this is on physical paper, this will hopefully double as a note to Twilight to make them with salt next time. They were cold, as she said, but she would make a great American college student.

Sleeping with Twilight, was more or less, awkward. I can tell body language, as told many other times, but not body language of alien creatures. Rewatching MLP episodes won't help me, as I have no idea about any romance body languages that may happen in real life. It's a girls show, not a Twilight fanfiction. Sleeping in a bed with a pony wasn't as bad as some realists might think. She smelled of lavender - how fitting, - and didn't make too many 'neigh' noises, just kinda snored like a human being. It was very tempting, and I already flipped the bird and did the helicopter to the laws of physics and God, so I might as well start dating aliens. Of course, only if she liked me back.

We slept back to back, and as far into the edges as possible. It didn't last for long, as the unconscious fight for the blanket ended with the both of us turning to face each other and scoot forward. It was nice having a person that soothed all of the senses. Her breathing was controlled and regulated, and her coat was light on the eyes. Her fur felt like the best blanket ever, and the lavender scent would easily put you down for sleep. However, there is no way in hell I'm licking her.

But wait, what about Bryanna? I was stuck with this hole in my love life, as I mentioned before, and I wanted, no, NEEDED someone to fill it. I'm not going to as far as have sex with a horse, but just have someone to love. Oh shit, Bryanna must be freaking out, but I'm sure she'll find someone else. I'll check on her in the morning and hope she's fine, or even found another person or something.

She looked very peaceful when she was sleeping, so I didn't want to bother her, but her hair (mane?) was in front of her face. I can't sleep anyways, as soon as I get in a bed I stay awake for several hours, so I'll waste my time staring at a girl instead of a pillow, thank you very much. The hair issue wasn't helpful to my OCD, and she was very fatigued to start with anyways, so I figured there wouldn't be any harm in brushing her hair away. Was I wrong. My internal thought process isn't as intelligent as you may think. I just pull stuff out of my arse and hope it works.

Wow, she's pretty. But I can't get over that hair in her face. Should I push it out of the way and stare at the other half of her face? Well, she's already tired, but she might wake up. Oh, what the hell, I'll do it. Let me just brush it out of the way and...SHIT!

She woke up and stared right at me, and I couldn't think of a physical excuse to get out of it, so I screamed and fell out of the bed and hit my head on the nightstand. A glass of water fell and doused me with water, just as another glass of water fell to waterboard me, so my screams turned into gurgles and choking. Twilight rushed out of bed to help, but by then, the lamp fell over and smashed me on the face and knocked me out cold. Apparently, after that, Taylor went and cleaned up the glass shards as Twilight attempted to levitate the water out of my lungs and into the cup, and Elizabeth kept squealing in the corner at the sight of blood on my face, and as such, she refused to help me. Alec was sleeping like a baby, and I was out cold, obviously.

You know what? Fuck Equestria.
	
	
	
	
> Deal or No Deal
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, that night didn't go too well. Twilight pretended to ignore the whole 'hair-brushing' thing and so did I. I woke up after finally going through minor surgery done by Elizabeth, the only one who had clean hands after everything was cleaned up. She didn't fare too well, and she didn't get an ounce of sleep. I guess I would, but wouldn't you know it. I'm an psychotic teen with science and pony problems. I'm a little different.

Today was my day of community service. I had to clean and fix what I destroyed, and today wasn't going to be too fun. My clothes smelled like crap and my hair was in every which direction. Taking a look in the mirror I saw myself in a new light. I was now a full 2D character, with every detail of my actual look and charm. My blond hair was in a wreck, and my glasses were twisted, which didn't accent my tired blue eyes too well. My pale skin was even paler from the wreck of a night and I didn't want to look in a mirror again as long as I lived. Combing my hair into a business cut I threw on my red polo shirt and jeans and headed out the door with my backpack.

"Wait!" Twilight said, bursting out the front door with excitement, "I have something that you might like to have. It's not something you could lug around in that saddlebag, but I just want you to be excited for something when you get back."

"Well, spit it out girl, you got me excited!" My hair shot straight up into the air and fell back into my usual hairstyle. Business cut, but in a lightning storm. I said it before and I'll say it again. Looking good is awesome, but my 'good' is different from your 'good'.

"Here it is!" She levitated a huge typewriter in front of me and shook it a bit. She gleamed with extreme happiness and awaited my response.

"Wow! A typewriter? With more than two keys?"

"What? Only school editions of typewriters have two keys, and how did you know what a typewriter is?" She shook her head and continued, "Forget it, you have stuff to do, get back soon and we'll go to Rarity's for clothing!"

"Aw thanks Twi. I left a soda in the fridge," Twilight smiled a bit more and shivered. "take some if you need it. The red electric liquid is for emergencies only, as in, if Pinkie Pie touches it the world will implode."

"What's in it?" She was a little frightened at the prospect of having a world self-destruct sequence in her icebox, specifically one that was Pinkie Pie activated.

"Red Bull, an energy drink, Coca-Cola, 5 Hour Energy, which is a shot of energy that will keep you up more than the name implies, coffee, taurine, a potent energy source, and Gatorade, a drink filled with electrolytes. Keep it away from Spike for me please." Spike would love to see it, but he didn't actually meet me yet. He was asleep for the most part and I wouldn't see him until lunch. Join the Hand Parade I guess.

"Don't worry, I have some work to do anyways so I'll only have a soda or two today. Have fun putting up drywall!"

"You know I won't!" I said in a sing-song voice. Today was going to be a long day, and with Celestia breathing down my back it's not going to be a fun one either. Today was a day like no other, filled with drywall repair, repainting, cleaning the stage of tomatoes, and another meeting with Celestia on a 'go-home portal'. Fun.

I quickly stopped on a dime and turned around. "Wait, why are you being really nice to me? All I've did was destroy your night and break your lamp. Why the gift?"

She giggled. "It's not a gift, it's a trade, silly. I'm going to ask you a million questions as soon as you get back, and I'm not too mad about last night, neither of the events, actually." She winked. Fack.

"Well, thanks. I'll leave you to writing your questions, and I hope you have enough information to work with." I turned around from the door and started walking, then turned around and said, "By the way, most humans have all of the world's history at a couple clicks on a keyboard, and no one ever talks to each other in New York, and friendship isn't magic. Just an FYI." I smirked and walked towards town hall with a silly walk in every step, attempting to look as casual as possible. Ponies everywhere were either giving waves or glaring at me with the power of a thousand suns. Note to self: Q&As are autistic (as some people would call it) in nature when first coming to Equestria and nobody likes them.

My mood has considerably dropped since the tantrum I threw, and I wasn't too proud of that. Maybe Celstia would look past it, I don't know. I really hope she will. I mean, Celestia wasn't too pissed when Nightmare Moon came back...right?

Anyways, if you haven't noticed, the typewriter that was gifted to me is what I use to type in posts and transcripts of whatever happens here. We're caught up now, so buckle down and enjoy the ride and entertainment of:

DRYWALL REPAIR! dun dun DUNNNNNN


Taylor Note: Tal found the size switch. Oh joy.

Town Hall was much more grand at day than at night, but that was a little ruined by the holes on the inside. The stage was lined with tomatoes and litter, uh, littered the ground. There were holes on the walls separating the mayor's office from the rest of the hall, and the some other pieces of trash were stuck to the curtains. Oh dear God this was going to suck.

Two guards escorted me in the most violent way possible to the office and sat me down. One went outside and the other stayed in. The door opened again and Princess Luna herself came into the room. I guess Celestia was a bit too busy with the sun; not that I was mad about that or anything. Luna would probably understand me more than Celestia would, and I would need all the help I can get.

An old pony walked into the room soon after Luna and sat at the desk. He sat a typewriter and ink pad down and placed a paper before me. It looked like a criminal record of sorts, but it had hoofprints, instead of fingerprints. He cleared his throat and started to question me.

"Name?"

"Tal."

"Surname?"

"..."

"Surname?"

I've never really used my surname before. I guess Tal would be unique enough on it's own, being the best nickname ever and all, but would I really give out my last name?

"Sir?"

"Commander Flankcheeks."

"What?"

"My name is Commander Tal Flankcheeks, owner of several battlefleets in the U.S. Navy. My surname is Flankcheeks."

"Please sir, your real surname."

"I don't have one. If you really want to put down a surname, put down The Dude. The Dude can be my surname. As dumb as it sounds, The Dude will be my goto for now."

"Okay, Mr. The Dude."

"Call me Tal."

"I will need your hoofprints, but seeing as you have claw-like appendages, I will need only the base of your claw for printing."

I guess he was asking for my palm, so I inked my palm and smooshed it into the paper. I took my other palm and did the same. Cleaning off my hands with a paper towel I asked a question.

"If you don't mind me asking, is this a criminal record?"

"Yes sir."

"And what am I being accused of?"

"Vandalism of the town hall, of course. We're going to let the unplanned party slide, and the young unicorn you threw your device at decided not to press charges."

"What's the fine? Community service, a fine, or jail time?" Please no jail time. I don't think they'll give it, but they might.

"Community service, along with banishment back to your own world, on account of your outburst earlier."

I threw myself back into my seat and slumped. "Ugh... Drywall and curtain repair?"

"Yes sir."

"UGH...Too much work."

"If you can't do the time don't do the crime, sir."

"I didn't mean to do a crime. I just...did."

"That's what most people say, sir."

"I'm not most people. Sorry if I'm being cynical, but I'm feeling that I'm a bit more than just a common delinquent, am I not?"

"Indeed," chimed in Luna, "that is why I have come here. I have made a proposition based off of last night's...events..."

"Where's the ol' Canterlot Royal Accent?"

She shrugged as humanly as possible. "Sister has made me take lessons. The Royal Voice scares ponies too much for it to be used informally. I have a deal for you. Mr. Inkprint, would you kindly give us some time?"

"Yes Princess." He said, walking out of the room.

"Shoot." I said.

"What?"

"Tell me what the deal is."

"Oh. Right. I understand you have put in thousands of pony-hours to make this journey a possibility?"

Haha. Wow. So wrong. "Yep. Many hours were spent, you could say that."

"I do not agree with Sister's exile, and as such, we have come to an agreement."

"Something in my favor?"

"Yes. You are allowed to stay here," Mental break-dance party. "but you must be a full-time citizen with all of the responsibilities of a normal pony. You must have a job, and a Cutie Mark of some sort, as not to confuse anyone else."

"I get to design my own, right?"

"We get the final say, but it's mostly your design."

"Great. Do I still room with Twilight, or do I get a house of my own?"

She waved her hand. "As a normal citizen of Ponyville, you are entitled to all privileges and rights in the Constitution. You may share housing with Twilight with permission, or buy or rent a house for the time being. But there is a second part to the deal."

Groan. "The part where you two Princesses profit?"

She nodded. "Yes. You need to make a return portal within a year and send Alec back, and make sure no one can come back here. At that moment, you can pick which world you want to stay in."

"Doesn't sound like you're getting a profit."

"Of course we are! You have to pay taxes. Ponyville is notoriously known for it's high taxes. We're making a bigger profit than some alien kid going to new dimensions." She winked.

I bit my lip for a second. "Can Taylor and Elizabeth stay?"

"As long as they do their part, so yes."

"Thank you so much Princess Luna. I still have one question."

"Shoot." She said with another wink.

"Having three more citizens to pay taxes doesn't sound like something hugely profitable. If it was, wouldn't Princess Celestia agree to this sooner? Is there a more personal reason you're letting me stay here?"

She sighed a bit, and then fixed her posture and cleared her throat. "Sister doesn't really *like* aliens the way I do. She looks at them from a political standpoint, but I look at them from something like a discoverer's view. You did see my banishment to the moon in your story-show?" I nodded. "Well, I've seen things there no one here could ever hope to see in their lifetime. I saw many strange creatures that kept me alive for my time there. I've devoted most of my free time to studying creatures no one has seen before, but up to a week ago I've given up."

"If you stay here I'll make sure you have a comfortable life. But the real pony you have to look out for is Celestia. She won't support you like I'm doing so. As far as I know, you're going to be her biggest help in the next meeting with some of the other leaders in Equestria."

"What‽" Found the interrobang button, yay. "What do you mean, I'm going to help‽"

"Celestia was wrongly accused of, uh, racism. She wants to use you as an example of a unknown race that she *totally doesn't have any problems* with."

"So I'm not going to be fighting crime or saving the world, I'm just going to sit pretty and pretend Celestia didn't nearly banish me from something I spent so much time trying to get to? I can do that." 

This is going to be pretty great. The horrible Q&A didn't get me much attention other than rude stares, but as an example of a Princess being good and not evil and racist? Wait, hold on. Let me get back to you on that.

"So, just fix the walls and clean up the stage, and you'll be good to go. I'll go get your paperwork ready for your citizenship." She turned around and started to walk out the door, but then she stopped and said, "Oh, watch out for Sister. She'll be sucking up to you, as Taylor said."

"What did Taylor say?" It was too late, she already walked out the door. Dang. Before writing this part of the log, I've asked Taylor what he said. He won't tell. Nor will he put in an editor's note. Maybe later.

I walked out of the office and stared at the walls. Holes were strewn in the general vicinity of the office door, and the stage was covered with tomatoes. As far as I know, I'm supposed to be doing all of the work.

It's going to be a long day.
> Water and Defibrillators
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Holes.

Tomatoes.

Paint-cans.

These are most of the things I've cleaned up today. These are also the three things I've gained a phobia of for the time being. But most of all, Mrs. Sunbutt has been catering to my every whim, and that scares me.

Every time I patched a couple holes (which effectively puts my mental state in the fourth layer of hell), Celestia would come over and offer me tea or cookies or something along those lines. I took them, because hey, free food. But as you may have heard from Luna, there was that thing about using me to protect Celestia's political reputation at the upcoming meeting, which has a set date of twenty days away. This is only the third day here, correct? Yeah. First day was the horrible Q&A, second day was prosecution by Equestria, now today was the day I cleaned the entire Town Hall, armed with only drywall fixer stuff, and a robotic dog. The dog didn't do much. The drywall fixer stuff did much, but so freaking slowly I can't believe I'm still doing this.

I don't even know how to fix drywall. I use that in present tense intentionally. I have left misshapen ugly patch marks on most of the holes, but Celestia was kind enough to keep the cookies coming. In fact, around the time where I was patching a hole in the ceiling (probably caused by I don't know) on top of K-9 (with extension legs of course, but they have this strange mechanical malfunction where sometimes the knees buckles and the entire dog falls down), Celestia came over to ask me a question.

"Here you go Tal. Glad to see you working excellently on the drywall holes as usual." She magicked over the tray full of cookies and lemonade up to my hands. K-9 slightly widened in length in order to accommodate the tray and the drywall patches.

"Thank you Princess Celestia." I said, in a cheery voice that sounded like it was going to lead up to something. You know when you mess up, and you think your mom doesn't know, so you bribe her to death, and the last time you bribe her she says "Thank you!" in that tone that leads up to "Say, didn't you hear little Timmy got stabbed? Did you have anything to do with it?" But you know she knows you did it, and there's nothing you can do? I'm getting sidetracked...

"Say, Princess Celestia, this doesn't have anything to do with the upcoming political meeting, does it?" She screamed, which set off the dog. The dog's knees inevitably buckled and sent me flying right off into the ground. Now I'm sure like 65% of you are bronies, and 30% of you are people being forced to read by rabid bronies, and 5% of you is me attempting to boost my views to get higher on search pages.

Now in that case, you would expect me to fly right on top of Celestia and crush her, and probably end up in an orgy. I can safely say that doesn't happen. What does happen is she attempted to catch me with her magic, but I ended up having so much momentum from the fall, combined with her inability to conjure enough magic juice or whatever, that the inertia continued to send me down and impaled me right on her horn.

The rest of that day wasn't as fun as repairing drywall and daydreaming about Bryanna/Madison/Twilight.


~~~


I woke up to the sound of panicky voices, Elizabeth hurling in the adjacent bathroom, Alec clicking his tongue, and Taylor laughing his ass off.

"What? What's so funny?"

"Oh man dude, she nearly got you...there..."

"Where?"

"There!" He poked my open wound, which hurt like fuck, and also happened to be right above my man-parts.

The wound wasn't just a simple hole. It was a zigzaggy line through my chest, and from what Twilight told me, that was the result of Celestia flipping the fuck out that she had one of the very few, very alien, and very important character's that had come into her kingdom since the time she set up that one voting booth office for Mayor Mare, who remains the only mayor for many years. Twilight rubs off on you, y'know?

"I'm not sure whether to laugh, or tase a big white pony. Then again, my badge has no power here." Alec pat his tazer like patting a puppie for doing a flip.

Another hurl from the bathroom. "Almost...done!" Yet again, another hurl.

A weird shiny sound happened, and my chest started glowing. The bleeding was already stopped, but the pain stopped to match.

"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh" chimed in Twilight, always focusing on everything except the fact that I am indestructible. Yeah, missed that part didn't you?

"Twilight, it's fine..."

"No no no NO! No it isn't!"

"Why not? I have the defibrillator in my chest," There's that part you missed. Or not, if you want to lie. The defibrillator has kept me alive for a long time. Built it when I was ten. Of course, I only had the chance when Dad accidentally slipped with the electric hand saw when we were carving my Pinewood Derby car. Open chest wound next to the heart, I ignored my Dad's 'request' to go to the ER. I instead made a defibrillator out of a car battery and jumper cables...and that's about it, actually. I've been meaning to upgrade it in a while, but it's not every day that you get a chest wound.

"Oh! Wait! Open chest wound! This is great! This will be the first chance I'll get to upgrade my DEM3000 since the time my Dad slipped with the-"

"OH MY GOD YOUR GUTS ARE STICKING OUT." Elizabeth happened to be on an empty stomach, and it just so happened that my stomach was probably empty too. Twilight was trying her best not to faint from 

"I know right? This is great. I'll finally be able to fix up my metabolism! I have been a tiny bit chubby for a while, don't you think?" I picked up my entrails and waved them around.

"NUMBER ONE. WHY AREN'T YOU FREAKING OUT. NUMBER TWO. PUT YOUR GUTS BACK IN YOUR BODY BEFORE I SLAP THEM BACK IN. NUMBER THREE. YOU'RE REALLY SKINNY. SHUT UP."

"Yeah, but the tiny bit of chub, and the fact I don't have any muscles..."

Then, it hit me.

No, it literally hit me. 'It' is Elizabeth's hand.

The impact of the slap landed so hard I fell off Twilight's bed, and I kinda lost my guts all over the floor.

"OH MOTHER OF GOD."

"PICK EM UP PICK EM UP PICK EM UP" Yelled Taylor.

Twilight didn't say anything. It sounded more like her vocal cords were snapping. It made a really cute scream sound that was more of a squeak.

"That's it, I'm going to discuss politics with the Mayor." said Alec. He knew better than to interfere. Twilight, however, did not.

"TWILIGHT! NO!" yelled Elizabeth and Taylor in union, I was too busy rambling on and on about the various applications of science that could serve humankind in a way that involved loose guts and screaming people. Fortunately for humankind, there are no applications.

She ran over and attempted to put the intestines back in. A combination of hoof and magic quickly served the purpose, and she attempted to immediately sew up the wound with a random blast of healing magic. Instead of doing only that, the shock-wave of the magic sent me flying out the doors and over the balcony rails onto the ground.

You really can hear the vocal cords snap from down there.

Twilight threw herself off the balcony and onto a cushion of magic. Right when she got up to me, I started convulsing like crazy. Or, at least, that's what Taylor said. I started foaming at the mouth and the wound opened up again, bleeding at full blast. Then, smoke and stillness. Not another motion was made out of me for the next couple minutes, but I wasn't dead. Didn't you remember? I'm invincible. No, I was only in a short-term coma.

I opened my eyes to see a dark hallway, filled with doors on both sides. Torches lined the halls, but it did almost nothing to illuminate anything except the doors and showing that the hallway was practically infinite. You could see into forever down there. I walked up to the first door. It said: 

FIRST INVENTION

I opened the door and looked inside. I could see from another boy's eyes, someone who was very different than the guy I grew up to be. I instantly remembered the young me. Shy, never really liked anything but to draw. I never became a good artist, and my handwriting is worse than a chicken's scratch, so I moved onto inventing.

The boy's eyes I was seeing through let me see this makeshift workbench. On top of it was an old microphone from something like the early 1900s or something, duct-taped to an adjacent lamp.

"Just one more wire...ah shoot. DAD? WHERE'S MY BLACK WIRE? Oh. NEVER MIND!" He found the wire on top of his shoe. He grabbed the wire and attached it to the lamp and then to the microphone, then he took the microphone and punched it. It started crackling to life, but the lamp didn't turn on.

"LAMP. ON!"

The microphone shot a multitude of sparks from the holes inside and the lamp sparked to life. Then, it died as fast as it turned on.

"TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR! HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU ARE!" The lamp returned from the dead, for longer this time. As long as the young me was singing (horribly, if you were wondering), the lamp stayed on. The longer he sang, the longer the lamp would stay on after he stopped singing. The longer the lamp stayed on, the brighter it got.

"TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALLLL GAME! TAKE ME OUT TO THE CROWDSSSS!"

Brighter and brighter.

"BUY ME SOME PEANUTS AND CRACKER JACKKKK! I DON'T CARE IF I EVER GET BACK!"

It proceeded to blot out the other light sources in the room with it's power. The power in the house could've died and I wouldn't have noticed.

"MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB! LITTLE LAMB! LITTLE LAMB! MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB AND IT'S FLEECE WAS WHITE AS SNOWWWWW!"

The lamp finally exploded into a bunch of tiny glass shards, which proceeded to rip right through the poor kid's chest. Crying was heard, and the door shut by itself.

I laughed a fair bit at that sight, then I sighed and walked down the hall.

I quickly grew bored of the rooms in the hall, so I ran down the hallway all the way down to the door on the end. I saw doors such as "SCIENCE FAIR 2009" and "FIRST BRONY CRINGE", but what was on the last door was even more impressive than any other door I've seen. Not even the "FIRST KISS" door (which remained painted into the wall, as such,) excited me as much as this door. This door didn't even disappoint. Instead of being stamped on the door, it was a large gold nameplate above it with even bigger text. It read:

PERSONALITY AREA

Opening it revealed a much brighter and futuristic room, with only a couple doors this time. One door at the end, however, was in an unlit area, and the door was breathing in and out slow and paced. I checked the other doors to see rooms such as "PHYSICAL HEALTH" and "INVENTING ROOM", but the door that caught my eye was one that had the shiniest nameplate I've ever seen. It read:

SELF-ESTEEM

In fact, it was solid gold. The typewriter doesn't do gold though, so just use your imagination.

Opening the door revealed a great throne room, with pictures of me smiling on every inch of the wall. On the end of the room, there was a big throne, completely covered in red velvet, and it had a golden crown on it's seat. The crown had an assortment of jewels embedded in the headband, and the piece on top of the headband looked like an empty soda can, except it was solid gold.

It was perfect.

I took the crown and placed it on my head, and sat on the throne and looked around the room for a couple of minutes. After flexing my pecs in front of a mirror that made me look like the strongest and sexiest man in the world, I found a coat hanger with a magnificent robe and a sword hanging from it. The robe fit me perfectly, to say the least. I entered the room as Tal. I left as Sir Tal, the King of all the Lands of My Comatose Mind.  Taking the sword, I swung it around a bit for size, and it too was perfectly matched to my weak muscles.

I left the room and marched to the unlit door, and strained my eyes to read the rotten wooden nameplate. It said:

MENTAL HEALTH

The nameplate had lost it's sheen, and it shrunk from water damage. Somehow. I reached my hand out to the door and grabbed the doorknob. The door quickened it's breathing and the knob went from room temperature to ice cold in seconds. As I slowly turned the knob, I heard a galloping from down the hall.

"Stop! Don't open that door!"

I followed the orders as best as I could and turned around to face Twilight.

"Twilight? How the hell did you get in here?"

"I don't know, why don't you ask yourself? You're in your mind after all." She was really pissy about this.

"What? Why are you mad?"

"Because you forgot me! You forgot all about me, and you never paid any attention to me!"

"Look, just because I'm asleep and half-dead doesn't mean I ignored-"

"NO! I'M NOT TWILIGHT!"

"But you very clearly are her. Who are you then?"

She angrily stomped her hooves and pulled me down the hallway, back to where I started. She stopped a couple doors in and stopped at a door that resembled a front door of sorts, looking very lively and inviting, yet at the same time it looked dead and forgotten. The nameplate was gone, replaced with a quick scrawl reading "Tulpa".

"Tulpa? Rings a bell, yet a small and cracked one. What is this memory about?"

"This is my home. It's not a memory."

"So you live in my brain? I don't remember inviting you in, Not-Twilight."

"My name is Twilight, but I'm not Twilight, and yes, you did invite me in. In fact, you created me."

"Were you a robot experiment? You seem much more human than my other inventions."

"Wrong again. I'm your subconscious."

"You know what? I do remember you! How did I ever forget you?"

She seemed to calm down a bit, and then she took a deep breath and continued. "I don't think it was all your fault, it's just you had other things to do."

Let me back up and explain things. A tulpa, in short, is a self-induced hallucination that would be stuck as one character with one personality. You would be able to see your tulpa with practice, and have it control your body with permission, and you could even make more, but it took extreme amounts of time to work for. When I forgot my tulpa, she was only able to talk to me and possess my fingers, but nothing more.

"Look, if I could bring you back, I would. You meant a lot to me back then. Obviously not as much as now, I guess, but...I don't know. I don't like you much as a pony anymore, now that I have the real deal."

"That's easy. I've only been pony-Twilight to surprise you." She then, in a blink of an eye, turned into this slightly emo/goth teenager of some sort, resembling a Twilight in some sort. "Missed the old humanized Twilight?" she said with the biggest shit-eating grin I've ever seen.

"OH DEAR CHRIST WHAT WAS IN MY HEAD‽" She then proceeded to fall back on the floor and laugh as hard as any person could, and in a blink of an eye she was a pony again. I was busy having seizures on the ground from the cringe. Unfortunately, the cringe didn't stop, and neither did the seizures. Tulpa-Twilight stopped laughing, though.

"Yo, Tal, you okay?" She stood over me and pat me down, but that didn't accomplish anything outside of pushing me into the stone walls of the hallway, so I could smash my face on the wall. Everything seemed to slow down, even my thrashing and her voice were slowing down too.

I woke up with a jolt in a medical bed. No, I'm not kidding. No hyperbole. A literal jolt woke me up. I looked up and a glass of water was busy spilling on my DEM3000.

The very next chance I got I slapped the glass of water out of the hand holding it, which happened to be connected to Elizabeth's arm.

"Sorry."

"It's okay, you almost killed me a couple of times in that short time-frame."

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU KIDS‽ I LEAVE YOU FOR FIVE MINUTES TO TAKE A NAP, AND YOU GET DISEMBOWELED! WHY DID I COME HERE‽"

"For a good learning experience?" I replied.

He replied with an inhuman scream of rage and stomped out the hospital door.

"So, how did I do?"

"Not too well Tal," said Taylor, "you not only managed to give the Princess an aneurysm, you also managed to piss off every doctor working on you. Three quit because of how tangled your guts were. Fatty."

"Hahaha, shut up." I gave a punch to his shoulder to prove my point.

"Now you're punching everyone today, Tal." said Elizabeth.

"I guess I am. How's the Princess doing?"

"She actually sent a letter over while you were having your seizures. Here you go." She handed me the scroll, still freshly sealed.

The letter read as follows:
"Dear Tal,
As you may know, I accidentally impaled you while you were doing your community service today. I have no words for what happened and as such I am still extremely embarrassed about the situation. All of the holes are patched and the ceiling hole has been patched, courtesy of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who unfortunately did not receive their Cutie Marks.

As you may know, I am attending a political meeting of the highest importance next week about, among other things, animal cruelty laws. I have been wrongfully accused of not holding Canterlot to the highest they can be to animals, and as such I will need you as my 'animal' to prove that I do care about animal cruelty laws.

Do not take this the wrong way. Your services will be appreciated and paid in due time.

Sincerely,
Princess Celestia.

P.S. I've paid your medical bill in full and cleared things up with the medical staff. Rarity crafted a new top and jacket for your own personal use, as it is very close to winter."

"Holy crap!" I exclaimed.

"What is it?" said Taylor.

I showed both of my companions the letter I received and let them laugh over it.

"So, what happened in your coma?"

"It's a long story. A very very long story."