Twilight Sparkle was and is one of the greatest Archmages known, but nopony gets -that- good without some development. What does it take to make a regular unicorn into the greatest of her era? And more, to become a Princess?
Ah yes, Chrysalis made many mistakes Liliana made but one: not killing Twilight when she had the chance: Victory was within her grasp but in the end she let Twilight figure out how to beat her Very good, can't wait to see what you will do with these new friendly neighborhood changelings.
I'm sorry but I can't like this chapter. A queen flips from a dominant personality to one of dobby from HP in an instant?
Twilight just up and forgives someone who stole her love from her, almost killed her mentor and her friends and nearly stole Equestria from her?
The sudden magical OP from Twilight was absolutely BS, and the personality change of the changeling (particularly that of "can I come too" who in There right mind would ask that to someone they recently tried to effectively kill?) and the whole scene from the point after Twilights sudden powers just felt horrible to read, it felt like you had forgotten who the characters were.
In fact, come to think of it this whole changeling arc just felt like it came from so far left field. Which I guess you could argue would add to the plot of something changeling related but I think that a few more vague hints (and dropping the green glow from the previous chapter) would have lent itself much better towards giving the reader the feeling that something was off, without giving that something away.
Finally, the pacing of the second half of this story was just way too fast. It really felt like it needed to slow down. Like the solution to thee feeding problem was found in 6 line breaks, and somehow between Celestia offering friendship and Pinkie asking about the wedding they've already had time for a drink with Celestia (Twilight being uninformed about some potentially critical information) and heading back on the train to Ponyville with what was an enemy of the state a few hours ago (or a few lines ago) in tow. You skipped what seems to be likely to at least be half a day! Only really mentioning in passing about what happened, when you'd think that it would be a big deal.
Again, I'm sorry for such a harsh review, but it's how I feel about this story, and although people might disagree with me I'd rather voice my honest opinion than just pretend I think it is great, or worse, just stop reading without at least letting you know why, even if I'm "wrong". I really enjoyed the original Archmage and even the other sequels, which is probably why I decided to write so much here.
EDIT: added in a message about the pacing and fixed spelling error from my less than average tablet.
I've been enjoying the fic up to now, but this changeling arc... feels really unnecessary. It came pretty much out of left field, and I don't feel like it holds its own weight.
The feel I'm getting is "Welp! Can't have a wedding without a changeling invasion!"
In which Twilight becomes Bridezilla. xD
Well now... Part of me loves this arc... Large part of me is pissed there wedding got ruined.
All told very well written that I care that much it was interrupted. I can't wait to see what comes next.
Like I said, it was like bucking an active nuke.
A damn good ending to an arc on a damn good story in a damn good universe. Kudos.
Dang I expected the Night to be piss off and turn Twilight in a godlike avatar, but the Day and her probably don't want to act in the real world.
5773035
There is wisdom in this man's words.
Ah yes, Chrysalis made many mistakes Liliana made but one: not killing Twilight when she had the chance: Victory was within her grasp but in the end she let Twilight figure out how to beat her
Very good, can't wait to see what you will do with these new friendly neighborhood changelings.
Here is a list of things a real evil overlord would do
He'll yes update storm! I'm really enjoying this story
Griffons > Changelings. Still a reasonably good finale though. You need to get back to working on FCW, Griffons are the heros equestria needs.
I'm sorry but I can't like this chapter. A queen flips from a dominant personality to one of dobby from HP in an instant?
Twilight just up and forgives someone who stole her love from her, almost killed her mentor and her friends and nearly stole Equestria from her?
The sudden magical OP from Twilight was absolutely BS, and the personality change of the changeling (particularly that of "can I come too" who in There right mind would ask that to someone they recently tried to effectively kill?) and the whole scene from the point after Twilights sudden powers just felt horrible to read, it felt like you had forgotten who the characters were.
In fact, come to think of it this whole changeling arc just felt like it came from so far left field. Which I guess you could argue would add to the plot of something changeling related but I think that a few more vague hints (and dropping the green glow from the previous chapter) would have lent itself much better towards giving the reader the feeling that something was off, without giving that something away.
Finally, the pacing of the second half of this story was just way too fast. It really felt like it needed to slow down. Like the solution to thee feeding problem was found in 6 line breaks, and somehow between Celestia offering friendship and Pinkie asking about the wedding they've already had time for a drink with Celestia (Twilight being uninformed about some potentially critical information) and heading back on the train to Ponyville with what was an enemy of the state a few hours ago (or a few lines ago) in tow. You skipped what seems to be likely to at least be half a day! Only really mentioning in passing about what happened, when you'd think that it would be a big deal.
Again, I'm sorry for such a harsh review, but it's how I feel about this story, and although people might disagree with me I'd rather voice my honest opinion than just pretend I think it is great, or worse, just stop reading without at least letting you know why, even if I'm "wrong". I really enjoyed the original Archmage and even the other sequels, which is probably why I decided to write so much here.
EDIT: added in a message about the pacing and fixed spelling error from my less than average tablet.
I feel like the actions of the queen is just an act. The switch is too sudden to be real, and the magical prison was too easily broken.
5774650
... I have to agree.
I've been enjoying the fic up to now, but this changeling arc... feels really unnecessary. It came pretty much out of left field, and I don't feel like it holds its own weight.
The feel I'm getting is "Welp! Can't have a wedding without a changeling invasion!"
One more chapter b4 I start reading it
Have I just watched an episode of Power Rangers by mistake?
Dunno why, but this chapter felt very Buffy to me, in a good way. The tone, the pacing, the way it inserted humor. I liked it.
I was not expecting to see Liliana in this story but that was a nice surprise ;3 I'm really enjoying the read.
Cap.
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Well that's not the weirdest thing I've seen Ling's feed off of.