This is another clop fic. It tells of what happens if Chrysalis had defeated the ponies of Equestria after a Canterlot Wedding, what depravity occurs when love and friendship lose to Lust and cruelty. Twilight's last hope will lie with honesty.
5940389 I just hope I can keep up momentum. The sad thing is my brain is processing a lot of ideas right now and I don't know which to use. I think I may take a small break and write a one shot, at least until I can pick out the best ideas but I may have elimated the anime heros down to two possibilities to allie with Applejack and her group, Sailor Moon's group or The Z fighters. Which one should I go for and which 3 members?
5938500 Technically a 'casualty' is 'a person rendered ineffective due to injury or death'; it doesn't necessarily imply a fatality. Eg., people injured by combat or accident are casualties.
Prevale mispelled. If you want more feedback you have to aim for 99% typographical correctness. Readers like me lose our immersion when we snag on bumpy structure.
I tolerate a few mistakes here and there but your title and description is where perfection matters.
6061224 Okay, I'll try harder in future. I'm also looking through the story again trying to spot spelling errors and editing any sentence that doesn't make sense. I'm sorry to say one of my worst flaws as a writer is that I'm way too eager to get on with the story.
Quite curious, with the tags and all, is Chrysalis the classic "guy with tits" futa archetype? (as guessing it's them, going with the general set up for this type of fic.)
That being: Exclusively using their male parts, having extra large ones, atop all dialog based on sex revolve around the male parts. (Aka: The futa could just as well have been a male) Or do they actually utilize both parts to do some of said mentioned fucked up things? :P Oh, and that said: With it being anthro, do you use equine or human anatomy? Or do you mismatch them?
Sorry if being a bit nosey, just like to have a vague working content description. As while there's nothing inherently bad with a generic/run of the mill story, they're to me just among the least interesting fics to me as well, I've read way too much fanfics x3
6063915 Can I be perfectly honest? The futa thing, is just so I could make it clear that Chrysalis was bad, as females with um...Penises is unnatural and evil is unnatural, so really it was just to display the depravity of Chrysalis. Anthro switches depending on the needs of the creator and I frankly don't have time to draw a diagram of Pony Twilight and Anthro Twilight, sorry. Thank you for your comment, it's always a pleasure to read what people think of my work. I'm sorry if the reply wasn't useful. Please feel free to ask anymore questions.
6063952 Tbh, it's a lot more useful than A LOT of wailing I get from people instead of a reply. Can say that reply was a tad bit lame though, as it just goes cardboard cutout (no offense meant), similar to how many see "male = dominant" and "female = submissive", and by that, always makes one character male, be it bionically or through the "guy with tits" archetype. While the nature of evil can be discussed, I can partially get what you are getting at. Though, that said, if you exclusively use that as a crutch, and they are a guy with tits in that regard, they might as well have been a simple R63. As atm, it does sound like your basing him solely around their penis, making them male identity wise. Which is kind of a "paint character x atop character y". So rather skeptical to that. If you'd want, I could give you some tips and whatnot in how to make a more working futa villain. (assuming they now are 100 % penis)
I won't deny male genitals have a waaay easier time being a dick (pun intended xD) but you can still be an evil douche as a female+with a female genital. It does however yes, often require more plotting/planning. But it's definitely doable. Heck, I've dedicated a few fics to exploring this xD Solely because no-one else has. And I feel like there has to be an alternative available.
As for inexplicable body change... while I can say that is very well, inexplicable, I can say as far as explanations go, it's not terrible. As it doesn't contradict something or implode on itself like many other people's fics do xP Sure it's inexplicable, but that's it :P
So yeah, thanks for the reply :3 And do feel free to ask me stuff in return. Hope my responses came off mostly respectful. As if not, I can only say that I at least had no intent to come off as disrespectful.
6064027 That was very interesting to read. I have to say it was never my intension to make the female characters submissive to any male or fake male characters. I'm sorry, in the end of the day I was just trying to imagine what would have happened if Chrysalis had won and didn't consider that was how my story would be viewed. I'm deeply sorry if this caused you any offense and I hope in future I won't make the same mistake. As a writer I'm always trying to improve and feedback like yours reminds me to be careful of who's toes I may step on. I swear that despite my oversight, I was just trying to tell a good will always triumph over evil story and it was careless of me not to vary the content. Again your comments will make a great reference guide in future chapters of any work I do. Have a pleasant Night or whatever time it is where you are.
6064090 It's fine. As said: At least you take it well, instead of flipping out like most do xD I know I'm far from the best oratory wise, but some people's reaction do make me derp.
And nah, no offense taken. It seems to be a common thing to not put too much thought into something. Be it intentional or not. I mainly just wanted to inform you about it. As like said: It seems to slip most people's mind.
But yeah, nice to hear my stuff had a positive impact on you. I've noticed it's apparently really rare with certain things in certain areas. Like said, a lot of people can only think "penis = evil+dominant", making any female char utterly cardboard as they send henchmen to do the evil stuff/rape, or like in this case: turn male :P But yeah, for the future, it can be good to keep in mind to have more fleshed out, and less generic characters :3 Atop thinking outside the gender role+trope box.
6069004 Thank you for your feedback. I know I rushed it and my sentence structure is horrible but if I may defend one decision I made. Applejack's escape, I didn't feel it was necessary to explain how Applejack got away, this is not because I was being lazy or I couldn't think of a way to explain her escape but because I chose to let the reader imagine how. In later chapters I did leave a few clues about how she escaped but it wasn't the main focus. My main focus was to set up how Applejack and Ponyville fight back against the horde of evil. Anyway to answer another of your questions, this story is a what if story with clop elements, this all streamed from a horrible nightmare I had, it's where I get most of my ideas, anyway the clop elements were a large part of the nightmare but I did something I did to the first fanfiction I ever wrote, I changed the ending but consider that a blessing, in the nightmare the ending was terrifying and all but Twilight were killed, Twilight's fate was the only thing I didn't change. As a former Power Ranger fan, I love to see good triumph over evil, so I believe even if Chrysalis had won during the events of a Chanterlot wedding, she would have still lost eventually and also lets be honest, even if Chrysalis won, she is as thick as mince and no matter how good her position would be she'd still lose. So no the story has plenty of kinky shit in it but the story was always meant to have Chrysalis lose. Again thank you for your feedback, I look forward to hearing more helpful comments in future and even if I don't I will use your comment as a reference to assist in other work I undertake.
The creature paused before stating “Behold the waves as they crash against the shores”
Poseidon right?
The other casualties of Chrysalis will make a full recovery
You do know Casualties mean they're dead, right?
This is getting a tad confusing. Should be fun though... Good luck.
5937720 Yes it's Poseidon. I'll change casualities to victims. What do you think I should do next?
5938500 I have no idea. The great thing about your story is that it always keeps me guessing. I never know what you'll hit me with next.
5940389 I just hope I can keep up momentum. The sad thing is my brain is processing a lot of ideas right now and I don't know which to use. I think I may take a small break and write a one shot, at least until I can pick out the best ideas but I may have elimated the anime heros down to two possibilities to allie with Applejack and her group, Sailor Moon's group or The Z fighters. Which one should I go for and which 3 members?
5940480 Best thing to do is write down all of the ideas and come up with events to cause them and put them in chronological order.
5938500 Technically a 'casualty' is 'a person rendered ineffective due to injury or death'; it doesn't necessarily imply a fatality. Eg., people injured by combat or accident are casualties.
6023735 Thank you for the feedback.
Prevale mispelled. If you want more feedback you have to aim for 99% typographical correctness. Readers like me lose our immersion when we snag on bumpy structure.
I tolerate a few mistakes here and there but your title and description is where perfection matters.
6061224 Okay, I'll try harder in future. I'm also looking through the story again trying to spot spelling errors and editing any sentence that doesn't make sense. I'm sorry to say one of my worst flaws as a writer is that I'm way too eager to get on with the story.
Quite curious, with the tags and all, is Chrysalis the classic "guy with tits" futa archetype? (as guessing it's them, going with the general set up for this type of fic.)
That being: Exclusively using their male parts, having extra large ones, atop all dialog based on sex revolve around the male parts. (Aka: The futa could just as well have been a male) Or do they actually utilize both parts to do some of said mentioned fucked up things? :P
Oh, and that said: With it being anthro, do you use equine or human anatomy? Or do you mismatch them?
Sorry if being a bit nosey, just like to have a vague working content description. As while there's nothing inherently bad with a generic/run of the mill story, they're to me just among the least interesting fics to me as well, I've read way too much fanfics x3
6063915 Can I be perfectly honest? The futa thing, is just so I could make it clear that Chrysalis was bad, as females with um...Penises is unnatural and evil is unnatural, so really it was just to display the depravity of Chrysalis. Anthro switches depending on the needs of the creator and I frankly don't have time to draw a diagram of Pony Twilight and Anthro Twilight, sorry. Thank you for your comment, it's always a pleasure to read what people think of my work. I'm sorry if the reply wasn't useful. Please feel free to ask anymore questions.
6063952 Tbh, it's a lot more useful than A LOT of wailing I get from people instead of a reply.
Can say that reply was a tad bit lame though, as it just goes cardboard cutout (no offense meant), similar to how many see "male = dominant" and "female = submissive", and by that, always makes one character male, be it bionically or through the "guy with tits" archetype. While the nature of evil can be discussed, I can partially get what you are getting at. Though, that said, if you exclusively use that as a crutch, and they are a guy with tits in that regard, they might as well have been a simple R63. As atm, it does sound like your basing him solely around their penis, making them male identity wise. Which is kind of a "paint character x atop character y". So rather skeptical to that. If you'd want, I could give you some tips and whatnot in how to make a more working futa villain. (assuming they now are 100 % penis)
I won't deny male genitals have a waaay easier time being a dick (pun intended xD) but you can still be an evil douche as a female+with a female genital. It does however yes, often require more plotting/planning. But it's definitely doable. Heck, I've dedicated a few fics to exploring this xD Solely because no-one else has. And I feel like there has to be an alternative available.
As for inexplicable body change... while I can say that is very well, inexplicable, I can say as far as explanations go, it's not terrible. As it doesn't contradict something or implode on itself like many other people's fics do xP Sure it's inexplicable, but that's it :P
So yeah, thanks for the reply :3 And do feel free to ask me stuff in return. Hope my responses came off mostly respectful. As if not, I can only say that I at least had no intent to come off as disrespectful.
6064027 That was very interesting to read. I have to say it was never my intension to make the female characters submissive to any male or fake male characters. I'm sorry, in the end of the day I was just trying to imagine what would have happened if Chrysalis had won and didn't consider that was how my story would be viewed. I'm deeply sorry if this caused you any offense and I hope in future I won't make the same mistake. As a writer I'm always trying to improve and feedback like yours reminds me to be careful of who's toes I may step on. I swear that despite my oversight, I was just trying to tell a good will always triumph over evil story and it was careless of me not to vary the content. Again your comments will make a great reference guide in future chapters of any work I do. Have a pleasant Night or whatever time it is where you are.
6064090 It's fine. As said: At least you take it well, instead of flipping out like most do xD I know I'm far from the best oratory wise, but some people's reaction do make me derp.
And nah, no offense taken. It seems to be a common thing to not put too much thought into something. Be it intentional or not. I mainly just wanted to inform you about it. As like said: It seems to slip most people's mind.
But yeah, nice to hear my stuff had a positive impact on you. I've noticed it's apparently really rare with certain things in certain areas. Like said, a lot of people can only think "penis = evil+dominant", making any female char utterly cardboard as they send henchmen to do the evil stuff/rape, or like in this case: turn male :P But yeah, for the future, it can be good to keep in mind to have more fleshed out, and less generic characters :3 Atop thinking outside the gender role+trope box.
6069004 Thank you for your feedback. I know I rushed it and my sentence structure is horrible but if I may defend one decision I made. Applejack's escape, I didn't feel it was necessary to explain how Applejack got away, this is not because I was being lazy or I couldn't think of a way to explain her escape but because I chose to let the reader imagine how. In later chapters I did leave a few clues about how she escaped but it wasn't the main focus. My main focus was to set up how Applejack and Ponyville fight back against the horde of evil. Anyway to answer another of your questions, this story is a what if story with clop elements, this all streamed from a horrible nightmare I had, it's where I get most of my ideas, anyway the clop elements were a large part of the nightmare but I did something I did to the first fanfiction I ever wrote, I changed the ending but consider that a blessing, in the nightmare the ending was terrifying and all but Twilight were killed, Twilight's fate was the only thing I didn't change. As a former Power Ranger fan, I love to see good triumph over evil, so I believe even if Chrysalis had won during the events of a Chanterlot wedding, she would have still lost eventually and also lets be honest, even if Chrysalis won, she is as thick as mince and no matter how good her position would be she'd still lose. So no the story has plenty of kinky shit in it but the story was always meant to have Chrysalis lose. Again thank you for your feedback, I look forward to hearing more helpful comments in future and even if I don't I will use your comment as a reference to assist in other work I undertake.
Damn it, no more sex.