Prelude: Two Weeks Ago (Edited)
“Wow, what a day,” Sunset’s voice scrambled as she rifled into her dwelling. Considering her last day, her mind focused toward the egregious fact that her team beat the Dazzlings. “The power of friendship, no matter what, it can create miracles,” Sunset thought as a mild grin appeared onto her face.
It still remained plausible for other tribulations in the world. “Well, we might be able to fight them, but who knows?”
Suddenly, she heard a knock at the door. “Who could that be?” her mind deliberated, and as she gravitated toward the door, she chanted a delightful melody. Her motion unbolted the door gradually; however she stood at the verge of alienating due to her quite frustrated and fatigued mind. She sighted Trixie with a joyful and cheerful grin on her face.
“Hello, Sunset. May I come in?” Trixie inquired.
“Uh… sure, come in,” Sunset replied with a hesitant tone of deep consciousness. However as Trixie entered the house, her mood appeared to be distressed.
“Why are you here and why aren’t you speaking like you normally do?” Sunset questioned with morality.
“Well, I wanted to say that I’m sorry about trapping you and your friends under the stage,” Trixie replied with sympathy toward her past, however deleterious events.
Sunset sighed, rational about the incident before they fought the Dazzlings. She could decry Trixie, however her conscience told a tone of mercy.
“I know I was under their control, but that still doesn't change the fact that I feel bad about it,” Trixie spoke with such attribution.
“It’s fine, really. But why tell me this now?And with such cupidity?” Sunset replied, however irrational.
“I do not really have anyone as friend and…” Trixie spoke, her tone fulfilled by misery, however lingering her conclusive words.
Sunset thought, although actualizing with a deep controversy. “Those two girls that you hung out with…?” Sunset initiated with an inquiry.
“T-they were only in my band, not my real friends,” Trixie concluded with an abrupt voice of breaking down.
Sunset simply sensed sympathy toward Trixie, recollecting her longstanding memories. “Don’t worry, I can be your friend if you would like,” Sunset offered for last as Trixie stood strolling away.
She stood emotionally grateful for Sunset, and her tears could no longer linger in her eyes, and they swelled up and purged out. “T-Thank you,” she finally concluded.
Sunset reminded herself to keep herself morally upward, and decreasing her inequity-like thoughts.
Adagio stood—at the moment—pondering the occurrence that remained allocated yesterday. She stood inclined and absorbed toward their downfall at the hands of the Rainbooms, therefore losing their strength.
“I can’t believe we were defeated by those girls.” Adagio deliberated with lightweight dexterity. She did comprehend their deft in enchantment; however she did not expect such brevity that would shatter their pendants. “Well then, what do we do now?” Adagio alleged.
Her earshot consumed racket-like sound; therefore Adagio twisted her gaze, imagining Aria or Sonata gravitating.
What she could not apprehend as actuality, her gaze glued toward a Sirin-Alicorn hybrid of her, wandering. Rubbing her consciousness steely, the occurrence diminished with a glinting disappearance. “What was that…? Another hallucination?”Adagio rumored. However as her hackneyed and evanescent earshot heard, she gazed upon Aria and Sonata whom sat onto a seat.
“Hey, what do you two think we should do?” Adagio requested.
“I suppose that we’ll acquire our retribution toward the Rainbooms,” Aria recommended.
“How competent can we be without magic?” Adagio responded.
Aria, being repeated of what ensued, merely exhaled.
“What’s your plan, Adagio?” Sonata encountered. Adagio had not consumed time toward such complex inquiry; however she stood certain to try distinguished strategies.
“Why don’t we just accept defeat?” Adagio advised with a comprehendible mind.
Sonata and Aria were thunderstruck about what she remainedsignifying and assumed about how to reply.“Think about it, what else can we really do?” Adagio commented.
“As much as I hate to admit it, you're right,” Aria replied without magnificence toward her comprehension.
“You guys are right. After all, we’re just ethereal sisters,” Sonata spoke in reply.
“Aria, Sonata... Thank you two for staying with me all this time,” Adagio spoke as her facial features initiated to weep.
“Hey, we’ll always be together, no matter what happens,” Aria commenced to comfort.
Unknown to all three of them, the pony Adagio stood perceiving them with a peaceful eye through a window. “Please… Remember…” it spoke as it diminished into a mist.
“Ugh... My damned head,” Wind considered as he unlocked his eyesight with perfunctory manner. But as his disorientation diminished, his keen sight appeared to be glued toward a ceiling of a house. “Where am I?” his voice demanded in an exasperated however perplexed tone.
“Oh, you're awake,” a voice spoke with an inaudible tone. Observing toward his right-hand side, his vision glued to a figure that appeared to be quite alienated from others in attribution, but he could not assure himself. “Where am I, and who are you?” Wind perplexedly inquired.
“My name is Celestia and you're in my house,” she replied with anaffectionate manner.
As Wind seated immobile and considering the paucity words that he heard, Celestia conclusively defined, “I found you unconscious outside. Do you remember what happened?”
He irrationally tried to influence himself to recollect his memories;however he acquired a sudden rush of inequity-felt strife. “AGH!” he screamed in agony.
“Are you okay?” Celestia spoke, countering on instinct.
“I suppose. I got a headache,” Wind replied.
After a while with the annoyance gone, Wind grasped irrationality. “I don’t remember…” he mumbled.
“Well, do you remember anything about your life?” Celestia inquired furthermore.
“I only remember two things; the rest of my memory is blank,” Wind reported with simplistic infuriation.
“Do you remember your name?”
“Affirmative, Wind Typhoon.”
“What’s the other thing you remember?” Celestia requested out of curiosity.
“A riddle of sorts. Try to comprehend it…
“When the six hear the call, they gather."
“When the stones shine bright, the darkness comes."
“Hope, Faith, Trust, Spirit, Courage, Unity."
“When the darkness falls, The Sacred Rise.”
After reciting the riddle, an instant of immobility overwhelmed around their position.Eventually Wind questioned with impartially correct mind, “Do you have any idea what it means?”
Celestia whom had to consider, responded with alacrity, “Well, I can tell that six people will unite toward one another when occurrence actions, but other than that… I may as well tell you about the history.”
Celestia clarified by expressing him about both the Fall Formal and Battle of the Bands incidents.
“Why bring this up?” Wind requested out of simplified inquisitiveness.
“Around all, I feel I ought to tell you about what has occurred recently, and another, I reminisced that the crown that Sunset Shimmer stole was known as an Element of Harmony,” Celestia explained, however fundamentally perplexed Wind.
Upon rational about the riddle, Wind spoke, “Wait, the six virtues and people are…!”
“Yes, I believe they are the spirits of six other elements,” Celestia replied with a clichéd look.
“I suppose I am conclusive, or are we required to discuss anything else?”
“Actually, there’s something I want to question with a garrulous however ridiculous manner,” Celestia responded.
“Go ahead,” Wind measured an inclined mind.
“Would you be satisfied to me and my sister’s son, at least until your reminiscences return?” Celestia grandiloquence inquired.
As the implications of what Celestia told him sunk in, however Wind did not comprehend her sentence. But as his mind reflected those blameless words, his eyes swelled to cry.
“I would,” Wind’s voice spoke; however his mind trembled with alacrity.
Celestia ascended above from her chair and strolled toward Wind. Her momentum provided elegance, and she leaned over to Wind. Providing as a delicacy, her motion embraced on Wind with no egregious mean whatsoever.“It is decency that provides us, Son.”
When the nocturnal nighttime approached and Wind asleep, Celestia stood as a crepuscular animal for a day. She wondered as if foreigner and considered irrationalities. “I wonder, why does Wind have the same name as ‘him’ and how does he know of that prophecy.”
Celestia ambled toward an ancient bookshelf tentatively and acquired an amorous book. “Well, looks like my son might have a chance after all,” Celestia spoke, a mild grin appearing on her face. Her mind focused toward Luna, and maybe they may discover a severe solution. Her motion inured patience as she entered into Luna’s room with anxiety.
“Tia, are you thinking…?” Luna suddenly reported as Celestia walked in.
“Affirmative,” Celestia responded.
Luna stood still momentarily, acquiring Celestia’s words, “Do you think he’s…?”
“Maybe, he does know the prophecy.”
“Still, do you honestly think he survived the battle?” Luna inquired with uncertainty.
“The battle with Nightmare Moon 1000 years ago? It’s possible.”
Meanwhile, Wind remained observing through a window, considering his destined past. His mind focused as he recollected a memory: a song which he had known for a long time.
♪ Twinkle, Twinkle, little light ♪
♪Star up in the sky♪
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Welcome to pony. You may be full of ideas, but this one is of the sort that has been done dozens of times, with many OCs and Elements. Be forewarned.
It's also the Fall *Formal*, not Former
5664474 I never said the six missing were disharmony were disharmony.
the way she suddenly adopt him is a bit strange.
5668594 First off, he has no memory, can't blame that. Secondly, I wanted to finish it. Third, try to remember the brother point in the description.
OK, listen... Newbie mistakes, and how to avoid them.
1) NEVER ADD ELEMENTS.
Six is enough, and if you HAVE to have your artifacts, invent something different. Element presume being part of set and generally as far as artifacts go, all set is required to function.
2) NEVER ADD LONG-LOST SIBLINGS.
It never works well, and stinks of Mary Sue.
3) Be very prudent with what you add.
Try to work with what exists in canon and add characters and MacGuffins only if absolutely necessary and no canon entity can fit the bill appropriately.
4) For crying out loud, don`t be SIMPLE.
I can`t stress this hard enough. Don`t be simple. In storytelling, simple is walking hand in hand with bland, and bland is an enemy of any writer.
That's why I have the Elements of The Seasons the are the embodiment of the seasons no artifacts
My comment would be that "principal Celestia" tends to say affirmative way too much. Tia isn't that cold and unfeeling. Secondly, it feels kinda weird that Trixie just apologizes just out of the blue at Sunset's house. Where did she get that information? You should probably move the apologizing to the school, it makes more sense.
Well, that was my rant, and my help may not be that helpful
Hey bud, we liked the story. As far as grammar mistakes we only found a couple here and there.
We think this should be “I can’t believe we were defeated by those girls.” Adagio deliberated with lightweight dexterity. She did comprehend their deft in enchantment; howevershe (however she) did not expect such brevity that would shatter their pendants. “Well then, what do we do now?” Adagio alleged.
We think you did alright with the first chapter. Keep going.
Great story man already on first chapter and it nice.