Rainbow was chilling out at her home enjoying her first day off from work. She's been living in Mareapolis for a week now and it's not a bad place. Decent food and good night clubs. She even saw Vinyl doing her DJ-P0N3 gig.
Yeah, not bad. Not too many friends, though, but that's okay. Her smile turned into a frown. Less chance of being stabbed in the back again. I'll be more cautious in making friends this time around. She was getting back into a good mood again when she heard her doorbell ring. Wonder who that is? She got up, went over to the door, and opened it. Her neutral expression fell back into a frown as she saw five mares she never wanted to see again.
“What are you doing here?” She asked coldly. They all winced at her cold greeting, and Rainbow did notice that Pinkie's hair was considerably less poofy then usual. It was Twilight who answered for them.
“We came to apologize, Rainbow. We screwed up and I failed as a friend to not understand how you would take our actions. What we did, as stupid as it ended up being, was done because we care about you. We..we were afraid that if your ego grew too big you would end up costing somepony their life. Imagine, Rainbow, if somepony died because you miscalculated how long it would take you to sign an autograph and rescue them in time. Could you live with yourself if that had happened?” Rainbow looked down and thought about that. Hay, that nearly happen with that balloonist.
“Please come back, Rainbow.” Fluttershy started. “You helped me many times, and we just wanted to help you for once.” The shy pegasus started crying. “I never wanted to hurt you. You're my oldest friend. Please forgive me.” Rainbow's resolve was faltering. Fluttershy should get an award if this was an act.
“We need ya, Dash.” Applejack stated. She had her hat off, a rare sight, to be sure. “We're a team, Dash, and we're incomplete without you. Even the Elements show that.” Rainbow's anger returned.
“So that's what this is all about. Your precious Elements don't work anymore. Maybe you should have thought about that before you betrayed me!”
“Wait, Rainbow. It's more than--”
“I don't care what you say. You can say the prettiest things to try to earn my forgiveness, but actions define you. And your actions have made it pretty clear.” She stepped away from them to the side of her porch. “Leave me alone. I don't want to see any of you again.” Her anger and, to be honest, her disappointment have gotten the better of her, and she took off before they could say any more. Without even thinking, she focused all her rage and sadness into her flight and she soon heard the distinctive sound of a Rainboom, but even that couldn't lift her spirits. She eventually found a cloud and lay down on it, and it turned into a thundercloud to match her mood.
* * * * * *
She was there for a couple of hours when she heard a metallic groan and yelling. She looked over and saw a skyscraper under construction. But something was wrong with the crane attached to it. It was leaning towards the street, and smoke was coming from the gears. Rainbow did a quick check and that crane was surely coming down and could kill ponies. She dove off the cloud toward the crane. She couldn't stop it from falling, but she could direct it away from the street. With a might clang and a numb feeling in her front hooves, she hit the crane. The damaged crane paused a bit before she heard more metal groaning, and she started to see it fall towards the building. Rainbow raced over to the operator cab and got the door open to see a terrified earth pony.
“Grab on!” Rainbow yelled, and the earth pony did. With the operator holding on, Rainbow broke away from the crane as it started its final descent. It clanged into several metal struts before getting caught halfway down the building. Rainbow glided down. Her front hooves were a little sore, but hey, no pony died as far as she could see. It was a victory in her mind. Landing, she let go of the earth pony and just now noticed it was a mare.
“THANK YOU! THANK YOU! YOU SAVED MY LIFE!” the mare said with tears in her eyes.
“Hey, it's what heroes do.” Rainbow started to fly away when the mare asked one last thing.
“Can you please tell me your name?”
Rainbow looked back and smirked at the mare. “It's Rainbow Dash.” With that she headed back home.
Rainbow was relieved not to see the girls on her porch. She figured they gave up for now. She wished that they give up for good. She wanted nothing to do with them. She went to her bed room and lay down. She did good things today. She saved lives. She was still a hero. Rainbow hated to admit it, but Twilight was right about one thing: She had to keep her ego in check. She glanced at her closet and noticed something. It was purple, black, and gold. Flying over, she grabbed it to reveal her Shadowbolt costume. She looked at it for a minute when an idea formed in her head.
This can be my check. I'd be a hero and still be me. And unlike Mare Do Well, I'll be a true hero. Born to be a hero, not just a lesson. Rainbow's smirk came back, but faded as she looked over the outfit. It was hoof stitched, and it showed. This was meant for Nightmare Night, not for saving the day. Well, she did hear one of her workers talk about a clothing shop that did flight suits. Grabbing her saddlebags and stuffing the costume in it, she headed out.
Flying, she looked around until she found the place. Once inside, she saw a mare at a counter near the back of the show room. Thankfully, the place was less frou-frouy than Rarity's shop.
“Welcome to Fashion Passion, how can I help you?”
“I need a flight suit done up like this.” Rainbow took out the Shadowbolt costume and placed it on the counter. The mare looked over the design.
“Yeah, I can do that. We have copies of the Wonderbolt design, so all I have to do is change the colors. Should have that done tomorrow, and it will cost you a hundred bits or ten gems.” Rainbow handed over the bits and left. Her stomach grumbled, so she stopped by a pizza place and grabbed a pizza to eat when she got home.
* * * * * *
When she got home again, the sun was setting, and she received a surprise. Princess Celestia was in her living room, her horn glowing as the sun set behind Rainbow.
“Good evening, Rainbow Dash. How have you been?” Rainbow shrugged and walked over to the table to put her pizza down.
“Been better, Princess.”
“I heard about the crane accident. I am very proud of you for doing that, but you weren't hurt, were you?”
“Nah, just sore front hooves. Do you mind if I eat? I'm pretty hungry.”
“Not at all.” Rainbow took a slice of pizza and gave a knowing look at the princess. When she was done eating the slice she faced the 100-pound gorilla in the room.
“You're here about the elements, aren't you.”
“Yes, I am.” Princess Celestia made the Element of Loyalty appear. While it still had the lightning bolt shape, it was all gray and cracked. “As you can see, it is broken. Now, I'm quite disappointed in what Twilight and the others did with Mare Do Well. They are sincere in their apology. I forgave my sister for what she did, what she forced me to do. Can't you do the same for them? They did what they did because they love you. I ignored my sister's issue until it was too late, so I can see why they did it and in a way they were better than I in that regard. Is it so hard to forgive?” Rainbow finished another slice while the princess talked.
“The thing is, Princess, it actually is. I trusted those girls, loved them like family. Then they did Mare Do Well. That was a betrayal, and I never expected them to do that. I can't trust them right now.” Rainbow pointed at the Element of Loyalty. “I can't be that anymore. I hold no loyalty to those girls. It's hard to look at it and not take it and throw it out the window. You need help? I'll be there, but as myself, not as the Bearer of Loyalty. You'll need to find a new mare for that because it's not me anymore.” Princess Celestia looked sad and lowered the Element.
“Nothing I say will change your mind, will it?”
“Nope. Not right now, at any rate."
Princess Celestia lowered her head. “I will stop wasting your time, then.” She started walking for the door.
“Hey, Princess.” She stopped and looked back at Rainbow. “It wasn't a waste. You now know where I stand, and at least you tried to talk to me. I can't be loyal to the girls, but I meant what I said. You ever need my help, I'm there.”
“Thank you, Rainbow Dash. Good night.”
“Good night, Princess.” With that, Celestia went to the porch and, with a bright light, teleported away. Rainbow closed the door and went back to her meal.
* * * * * *
Celestia appeared in the private dinning room she shared with her sister. Luna was already there with her breakfast. Luna noticed her sister's look.
“I take it that thy talk did not go so well?”
“No, Luna, she is too hurt to forgive them.”
“Well, I can't blame her. That was an underhooved move they pulled. Perhaps I should take care of this situation.”
“How?” Celestia asked, confused.
“Oh, I have an idea, dear sister. But first, I will let Rainbow Dash have some space. Oh yes, I will be monitoring our dear friend Rainbow Dash.”
“I will trust you, sister, and pray you good luck.”
* * * * *
Rainbow was psyched. The day (or, more accurately, the night) she's been waiting for had arrived. She put on what she needed minus one last detail. Then, she looked into the nearby full-length mirror and smirked. There she was in her new Shadowbolt uniform. It was a tad tight, but that decreased her air resistance and thus increased her speed. It was exactly like the outfit the phantom Shadowbolts had except that it had no logo on the flank. But that was okay. This was hers to make. She looked awesome.
“And now for the final touch.” She took the goggles, the only part she kept from the costume. Her world took on a yellow tint as she lowered them over her eyes. She looked at herself with the goggles on.
“Oh yeah, twenty percent cooler.” She walked over to the door and leaped into the night sky.
* * * * * *
Rainbow was cruising the night sky when she heard a scream. Looking around, she saw a unicorn mare run into an alley as some gangsters chased her. Rainbow dove down and into the alley. It was almost cliche. The alley was a dead end, and the mare was pinned to the wall as the gang closed in. None of the gang members was a pegasus. That made this easier. Putting her hoof out front she slammed it into one member's head. He was out like a light. She then floated in front of the mare.
“Six on one mare? Totally uncool, guys. Take your buddy and leave.”
An earth pony mare with a short-cut mane eyed Rainbow evilly. “Nah, I think we'll beat you both up, rob you, and have some fun with you.” Her remaining goons closed in, and Rainbow shrugged.
“Don't say you weren't warned.” She dashed forward and knocked another goon to the ground before landing. A mare leapt at her, but Rainbow bucked, sending her flying. Some goons tackled Rainbow to the ground, and Rainbow felt some pain as she took a hoof to the face. She kicked with her hind legs and managed a lucky hit. The stallion groaned and curled up on himself. Rainbow flipped up into the air and with a strike of her wing knocked the stallion out. She landed, only to get bucked in the side and sent flying into a wall. Rainbow managed to turn herself so her hooves faced the wall and using her pegasus magic slowed herself down a bit. Her hooves hit the wall, and she bent her legs before pushing off, regaining speed as she uppercut the mare leader and turned her flight into a flying kick to hit another mare. She followed her kick with some quick jabs with her front hooves. That mare fell over, unconscious. The last fled the alley. Rainbow checked the remaining gang members, who were all still out cold, before checking on the unicorn mare.
“You okay, ma'am?” Rainbow asked.
The mare answered shakily, “Y-yes, thanks to you. I was j-just heading home from w-work when they started chasing me. They...they didn't touch me. Thank you! Thank you so much!”
“I'm just your friendly neighborhood Shadowbolt. You better head home to your family.” The mare nodded and galloped away.
“Thank you again, Shadowbolt.” Rainbow smiled at her till she disappeared, then she dropped it and found the lead mare. She was starting to wake up, so Rainbow went over to grab her and lifted her up so they were muzzle-to-muzzle.
“Listen closely. This city is under the protection of Shadowbolt. You and your fellow criminals either change your ways or meet my hooves. Spread that word to your fellow losers.” With that, she knocked the mare out again and flew away. She winced as her wounds made themselves known. She was sore where she was hit. Crap, she was rusty; it's been awhile since she trained any combat techniques. Hay, the last time she remembered even donning her karate outfit was when she helped Applebloom try to get her Cutie Mark. Something to do in her off time.
She flew for an hour more before heading home, and after stripping off her suit and goggles, she took a warm shower that felt good on her sores. She took an aspirin and crashed on her bed and fell fast asleep, dreaming of heroic dreams as Shadowbolt. But she didn't notice an outline of an alicorn in her dreams.
Hatred leads to sadness.
That's why I don't deal with it often.
You should take up that policy too.
wooo, update!
! New chapter! Thank you for this!
As usual, I noticed a few grammar and other mistakes, but nothing to detract from the flow of the chapter.
And kudos to Rainbow for not forgiving the other girls right off the bat! I was hoping that she wouldn't, as that seems to happen all too often in stories where she or one of the others are hurt as deeply as this. Good for you for not taking the old "Forgive the offender(s) by the second or so chapter" routine!
I did notice that she was starting to waver there at one point, especially after what Fluttershy said to her. But then good old AJ had to go and stick her hoof in her mouth (all the way up to her elbow, it seems) with what she said. (I'm thinking that she either should've thought it out more, or worded it better. But she didn't.)
When she did, it just made Dash think that all they wanted her back for was as an Element Bearer. (WE all know that they all know that they majorly messed up, and that they really do want her back for more than just that. They all really do want their friend back.)
And Princess Celestia didn't help much in that regard, either, though. (Although I'm more than a bit surprised that Rainbow's reaction to the grayed-out stone in her necklace wasn't one of a bit more shock. Then again, maybe she's actually convinced herself that she really doesn't care.)
Still, as much as she now seems to despise her former friends (she can say that she hates them, but I can't bring myself to), because I honestly don't think, deep down in her heart-of-hearts, that she really does hate them. I really, truly don't.
Still, we'll see. She's gotten a good start as Mareapolis' new hero. Good for her.
I'm also glad to see that she has the sense to admit that Twilight was right about her ego getting the better of her, even if, as it says in this chapter, she hated to. That, at least, shows that she did learn a lesson from what happened to her in Ponyville over Mare-Do-Well.
And what's Luna up to? (Nothing bad, I hope.) Hmmmm. As it said in Alice in Wonderland, "Curiouser and curiouser".
I also wonder what's going on in Ponyville between Scootaloo and the other girls. (And by that, I mean Applejack and the others in the Mane 5, not their sisters.)
And on the subject of the two other members of the CMC, I just wonder how they reacted when they found out what their older sisters did to Dash?
Heck, forget about Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle! What happened when Granny and Big Mac found out about Applejack's part in all this mess?!
I'm betting that they didn't react any better than Scoots did to the news.
Whew! Okay, enough with my questions and speculations here, folks. I don't know when the next chapter will be out, but I can't wait to see what happens next!
Til next time, my dears, aloha.
5757319 Along with this I wonder how Spike feels about it, he was almost made loyalty for more reasons then a quick toss away gag. If it was possible to reassign elements he'd be a good contender for loyalty (my head cannon is the element didn't work for him due to the fact he didn't want it to outa loyalty to Rainbow).
5757319 although it's not entirely about forgiveness is it? You could forgive Anypony if you really wanted to, but that doesn't mean that you trust them. Rainow Dash could forgive the other bearers, but she won't refriend them because they've convinced her that she can't trust them as far as she can throw a two ton boulder named Tom. Forgiveness and trust are completely different. She may move on past what they did but she will never rejoin them as a bearer or friend because she has no way of knowing wether or not they will backstab her again or if they truly view her as anything more than a way to power a weapon, and she may never want them near her again even if she does forgive them. She may gradually regain a bit of trust in them but she will never be able to fully recover unless Twilight wipes her memory and when that is revealed then things will go even more downhill.
5757569 Hmmmmm, good point.
5757654 No, it really isn't. At least, not in Dash's case.
Also a good point. (Actually, a bunch of good points.)
I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens next.
awesome
5757319 Right now Celestia has it nailed. Rainbow is still to hurt to forgive them. Does she wish them dead? No. she just doesn't want to deal with them.
I figure Fluttershy could pull it off since not only is she Kindness but she's also Rainbow's oldest friend and i do like Aj but out of the five she's the only one i thought that could say something like that and be believeable. And this forgiveness arc will be a long one and the CMC? well an event will cause Rainbow to return to Ponyville for Scootaloo so we'll see some of the affects from that. For the other Apples well let's say that talk breaks the record for the most Big Mac ever talked, it knock Gabby Gums clear from the record. Spike. Well he supports Twilight and Rarity in this but doesn't know what to do to help other then just being there for them.
There will be no interm Bearer for Loyalty in this. the Elements works this way in this story. the bearer has to represent their element. Rainbow still technically does this, however it's the bonds of Friendship that make it work in the end. Rainbow is still loyal but currently can't be loyal to the other bearers thus the gray element. Celestia couldn't do much for if she pushed harder it just make the situation worse.
As for Luna, well this arc is solely do to a story i read earlier. It completely changed what i was going to do with Rainbow in this and I believe will work better than originally planned.
Also the Canterlot Wedding is going to be a HUGE event in this story.
And there is a sequel planned.
I like stuff like this in stories where the friends figure they can do better on their own and do. Parts I don't like, them getting back together in a big corny fashion. And pretty much I don't want them to get back together. *gasp* Yeah, yeah if plan on this being they all hug in the end and say sorry then I won't blame you. It's just some stories are better off with a happy ending that don't get one and some stories that would seem better as downer ending to make the characters realize what they took for granite and live with the mistake. But end up with the whole "LET'S BE FRIENDS AGAIN DAHHHHHH!" Then they all hug and everything is back to normal. Kind of wish people would try to not match up with the show's canon sometimes and just do their own thing.
Architect's Reviews
Shadow of Loyalty, by Admiral Q, Ponyform
Premise: a splinter timeline where Rainbow blows up at her friends after the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well episode and moves out of Ponyville. While the hook implies that Rainbow is going to get revenge on her former friends, what I found in its place was still satisfactory. If adjusted to be slightly less misleading, it could draw in quite a few readers.
Story
Shadow of Loyalty is obviously at least a partial rage-fic at the episode Mysterious Mare-Do-Well, but that does nothing to detract to from the plot. The characters shown so far are decently written, the emotion feels solid, if a little pushy, (Scootalo repeated herself a bit too much and came off as artificial), and the premise is interesting enough that I read this story for fun before I considered reviewing it.
This story primarily needs two things to make great. First, editing. Posting stuff unedited is generally not a good idea, and it applies here. Second, you need to go over the viewpoint of each of the other Mane Six members, and maybe Spike and Rainbow's other friends, such as their initial reaction to Rainbow snapping at them (which could be used to flesh out the first chapter), or their thoughts and actions once they realized she had left. Basically, take what you did for Twilight, expand it, then multiply by 5-8 or so. As mentioned by one of the comments, this story could really stand out if Rainbow never rejoins the group.
The Shadowbolt speech was a little hammy, but the idea of Rainbow becoming a masked hero is not. If she founded a team of heroes in Mareapolis, it could make for a solid reason for her to never go back to Ponyville. If they then bested the next challenge (like stop the changeling invasion), Rainbow could become truly independent, and show up her old friends at the same time. The idea has potential.
Conclusion. All in all, a solid little story, if a bit rough around the edges. Gets a like and track, and if the above advice is taken, probably a favorite.
Watching.
5778880 I post uneddited version due to being badly burned by wait for editors that abandon it for weeks. Thus why i post the way i do and clearly state it's a non edit version. But i do promise that i do my best to have little errors
This is Primarily a Dash focused story so will see little of the other mane 6. Twilight will get some for do to plot reasons and Luna will have a big role in this story.
I figured there was more than enough of RD going villian out there that i wanted to see another route. Close to mine is Rainbow's End and inspired me to use Shadowbolt. Another story also had an affect on where this story is going but not saying which because. SPOILERS.
5778940 Uh oh, I have a Pinkie watching.
5778952 I don't have an editor either, but I still reread my own work to hunt for mistakes before and after posting. It takes a few extra minutes, but your readers will thank you.
It's perfectly fine for it to be a Rainbow centric story, but I'm curious about what her former friends think about the consequences of their actions. You don't have to devote more than a fraction of the total story to them (like maybe one chapter out of 8, if that), but it would be nice to know they don't disappear into thin air whenever they're not speaking to Rainbow. Also, it would make a nice contrast if you occasionally cut away from Rainbow's happy life in Mareopolis to show the guilt eating her former friends, just to make the drama that much sweeter.
5778952 Although I have to ask, why is Chrysalis on the character list, when Luna is not?
5778958 Hai.
5778986 To answer both comments. I'll try to do a little more rereading to catch some errors.
Rainbow will be returning to Ponyville at least once before the big event. She is still loyal to Scootaloo and a plot reason will make her visit. You will likely see mroe of the mane 6 during that arc.
And the reason Luna was out was I initally didn't have big plans for her in this fic to begin with. That changed after i read one story and it altered everything planned. and Chrysalis is there for Spoliers but I think you can guess the reasons. i'll chagned the tags.
5779025 Ok, that sounds good.
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You ruined Rainbow's character she would not feel betrayed by this, if Rainbow acts like this in this AU they would not be able to defeat Nightmare Moon.
Rainbow Dash is best Judge Dredd.
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Well, Princess Celestia is at least being a reasonable authority figure, listening to Rainbow Dash and making requests but no demands, and leaves without stirring up too big a fuss.
Princess Luna WAS the former Element of Loyalty, so perhaps she should be making that link early on in the story (or at all, if she doesn't do so in later chapters).
It always seems a little stand-offish to me to see certain peculiarities that tarnish the show's saccharine nature continued in text form, like how their construction code is utter s and that not one but two separate municipalities have collapsing skyscrapers, followed up by a gang out of nowhere teaming up on a unicorn for what seems to really be no reason (at least one of the gang ponies is a mare, so that decreases the chance they're cornering the unicorn mare to rape her...)
6908064
So Luna eats breakfast at night? Interesting
10363170
Night alicorn
7715309
Luna also understands about emotional pain and the healing process. Whether the girls meant to or not they stole her thunder and got a ton of attention that they didn't turn down and technically they were bragging too when they were talking about mare do well.
10826358
Exactly. They show to be hypocrites thus even less trustworthy. Thus Dash's issue with them. She is the Element of Loyalty and thus makes it hard to trust those that have broken it.