What happens when birthday scenarios are overheard by the Princess of Equestria(and the sun).

by A Nobody

Only Chapter No Matter What.

"Uuuuuugh." Hurricane jumped into bed, dreading the new day. He stayed up all night, and now planned to sleep the day away. Celestia's bright, burning sun could wait 'till tomorrow. Before he got too comfortable, he looked out the window at the sky, this side of his house still completely darkened by Luna's beautiful night. The waning moon was setting, making Hurricane feel a little depressed. The night was always his favorite time. Luna was always his favorite Princess. Celestia was too cliché, too queen-like.

"Luna's just... beautiful. Like the night. She's also relatable. She's been gone for like, thousands of years, so she needs to re-adjust. Right?" Hurricane stared at the moon for a good three minutes, then crawled back into the bed. He thought he could hear the faint singing of the Princess of the Night, lulling him to sleep, and awake when the sky was yet again beautiful.

Celestia paced in her room. She had nothing to do. She was bored, she was agitated, and she just needed to loosen up altogether. She did another lap around the room, then flopped on the ground in exhasperation. Sighing, she levitated a random book from her shelf. It was an address book. All of a sudden, inspiration struck. She levitated a card she had made years ago following a trend that seemed to be popular with her subjects.

The top title read: "Birthday Scenarios. Choose your birth month, then your birth day,and have fun! She grinned a little as she skimmed the address book for names. She closed her eyes and stopped on a page. She landed in H, as the book went by first name. She skimmed the two pages, and stopped on a name. "Hurricane Bash. You're about to have a little surprise from Princess Celestia," she said. She folded up the card to fit in an envelope, sealed it in, and called a guard.

The guard came galloping in. "Yes, Your Highness?"

The Princess of the Sun rolled her eyes. "I din't know why you guards focus so much on formality. Please just call me Princess Celestia."
"Yes... Princess."

Celestia smiled. "Thank you. Now. I have an urgent letter I need you to send to this address, as quickly as you possibly can. It is royal business to a civilian and it is of utmost inportance. No questions asked, deliver the letter."

The guard nodded quickly. "Yes, ma'am! I'll get right on it!"

Celestia levitated the letter to the guard. He took off to mail it to the correct address. As soon as he was out of sight, Celestia levitated a pillow to her position. "I'll just wait for Luna to-"
"Your turn, Tia!"

It was Luna. She had called her to raise the sun. Celestia stood up very regally and trotted very regally to hr bedroom door. She opened it, and walked out to the balcony in which they raised and lowered the celestial bodies.

In the middle of the day, Hurricane was awoken by a loud knock on the door. He groaned very loudly and rolled off the bed. He landed on his burgundy carpet with a loud THUMP! "Ow..." he said, before getting off his stomach and heading to the door. His mood already darkened by his midday awakening. "Who the hell is it?"

The guard wasn't surprised. At all. He spoke through the door directly. Sir, I am Princess Celestia's royal guard, Tundra. I have an urgent message from the Princess herself."

"Oh shit!" Hurricane rushed to the door. "I paid my water bill, my electricity, and everything else! What message is so important for me?"
"I have no idea. The Princess asked me to deliver this no questions asked, so I won't ask any. Here is the letter." The guard pulled out the letter with his hoof. Tough to do.

Hurricane took the letter in his teeth and backed out of the doorway. He muttered a muffled "fank you" and closed the door. Tundra the Guard For Celestia, raced back to the castle. His journey to Ponyville wasn't nearly as long as he expected. He hopped on a train and left.

Hurricane tried at least five different ways to open the letter, but still couldn't get it. He tried his wing, and it wasn't strong enough. He tried his hooves. He couldn't grab anything. He finally went into the kitchen and brought out a butcher knife. He raised it high above his head, then brought it down quickly. He stopped mid-chop and put the butcher knife up against the letter and ripped one way. It miraculously tore, and tue card was safe! He picked it up, inspecting it for anything important. "A birthday scenario card?"

Celestia sat in her room in her castle, grinning to herself. Her guard came by earlier and told her that the card had been delivered successfully. She thought for a few seconds, then decided to see what the pony had gotten. She stood up, walked to her door, phased through it, then teleported to Ponyville. She popped back into existence in front of the Ponyville Library. Looking around, she made sure nopony saw her.

Celestia casted a spell on herself, making her look like a normal unicorn mare. She trotted around town, looking to see what had changed since her last visit. Nothing great had happened, just a few tables moved from one place to another. She smiled wider than she already was. She approached the address she had chosen, at random, to see what the pony, a pegasus stallion, had gotten. Maybe, just maybe, she could make it come true.

Hurricane sat, staring at the birthday scenario card. He hadn't seen one in ages, and he certainly didn't expect one. Especially not from the Princess of the Day! "What did I do to get this..." he said to himself. "I don't remember anything that I did special... I guess she just sent it for shits and giggles." He read the card, skimming for his birthday. "November... November. Handcuffed to life with...?"

Celestia was outside his window, looking in. "Oh boy. This could get funny. Imagine if his birthday were-"

"November Sixteenth."

Hurricane found the picture associated with the sixteenth. "So i'm chained to life with..... Celestia!?"

At the same exact time, Princess Celestia said "Me!? Uh... well then. I guess i'll do what I said I would." She looked back at the pegasus stallion. "I guess there's ponies that I would like less than him. Here goes." Celestia conjured a pair of hoofcuffs/handcuffs and put one on her left forehoof. She concentrated a bit, and the red pegasus stallion was teleported into the other pair.

Hurricane was suddenly outside. His right forehoof was in a pair of handcuffs and je was standing next to a rather odd looking unicorn mare. He stared at her. "E-excuse me, but... would you mind?" All of a sudden in a different room. It looked like very royal. This looks like- OH MY CELESTIA!!! He was chained to Princess Sunbutt herself, Celestia. "Uh... Princess? Why are we chained together?"
"Did you not get this scenario?"

Hurricane blinked slowly. "Does this mean...?"

Celestia turned her head and sniffed the stallion. "You smell like Maple."

Hurricane blinked slowly again. "Yeeeeaaah? I know...."

Celestia experimented. She licked his neck. The sweet, savory taste of Maple Syrup embraced her tongue. "You taste like it too."

Hurricane shivered. "If we're gonna be like this for the rest of my life, we might as well get acquainted. Hello, Princess Celestia. My name is Hurricane Bash, and I am a DJ in Ponyville. I'm from Caneighda originally, and I love the color red."
"My name is Celestia, you may call me Celestua, Princess, and when we're alone or with Luna, Tia. I love the color pink, and i'm from Canterlot. I'm the Princess of the Sun."
"Well, Tia, it seems these are gonna be long years."
"It would seem that way, wouldn't it."
This is gonna suck.
"I heard that."
"Really?"
"Yep."

Hurricane sighed. Long years indeed, he thought.
"Heard that too."
"Will you cut that out?!"

Author's Note:

Wow. Word vomit much? Anyeay, thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed!!

Comments

[Shukawarioserfi]

FIRST!!!

[Pyromaniac]

5502490

Congratulations, you win absolutely nothing but the pleasure of knowing you broke the rules! You rapscallion, you!

But hey, on the fic, this actually made me piss myself a little. That was nonsensical as fuck, and was quite fun for something short and silly. Good job. You get a cookie.

[Manual Control]

I was really hoping he got August 16th, Think of the shinanigans!

On a side note : August 17th... Oh dear lord, I'm a mortal enemy to Pinkie Pie... I'm a dead man...

[A Nobody]

5502553 The Nonsensicality is a plus. This started out as an idea I got from browsing the interwebs. Then, kabam. Random story for no reason.

5502712 My OC's birthday is November 16, but mine is May 9th.... i'm married to Pinkamena. Not Pinkie. Pinkamena.
That's gonna be fun...

[Seeking Dusk]

5503298 I'm best friends with Chrysie. I can make it work.
What fun I shall have being in with the leader of an empire of natural spies...

[KilvinSpeakerOfTheFlame]

I get stuck on a island with lyra. Fun.
Nice fic by the way

[Oh Snap]

Asshole

[Mister E]

So, only chapter, fine no prob.
But Luna having a go as a sequel? I'd read that...

[A Nobody]

5509354 Hmm. Good idea... I might do that... you'll get the idea credit, though.

[Shine]

Hilarious, well written, my birthday is... oh, dear... November 22...

[xStellar_Bubbles]

Why didn't I read this story earlier? Three words to describe this: Casual, cool, and funny. Well done!

July 30th... Yeah, like that's going to happen!

[A Nobody]

5515709 Good luck with that competition. I'll be on the sidelines cheering for ya!

[xStellar_Bubbles]

5515970 What competition? No way I'm competing in an Iron Pony competition with AJ, I'll get my flank totally kicked!