Ryuu and Q have a long history--spanning some 3000 years. Their last encounter was on a planet called Pern--but that's a story for another place and time. This is their First meeting! And neither was prepared for it happening in Equestria!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I wanted to give this story a chance, but with a quote like this, something tells me I won't like what I find within. Human hate-fest, or should there be good humans, this will just be a source of drama about it due to 'misunderstandings', from stuff unseen.
6582841 Thanks for giving it a look, and I understand you might not be that interested after reading it. To be honest, this was not the introduction I wanted. But this isn't a human hate-fest, or similar, as you're afraid of. As mentioned in the Author's Notes, this is an unofficial continuation of the DisQord story by Zoidbergisbestpony
Unfortunately, this was supposed to start with The Night Of The Wrong Door. I had submitted it and the next two chapters, and I had just finished The Night Of Stalking Shadows when I got the rejection notice--apparently for not being Equestrian enough [shrugs]
Ryuu suggested that since the entirety of the story was layers of mysteries, that perhaps I should throw in another one. At that moment, I was working on a portion of Lyra's story, so I came up with this chapter to be part of her background and make the overall story a bit darker. However, I felt rather rushed and went ahead and published Stalking Shadows while I still awaited the results of the resubmission, but it got through this time. But I'm still not happy with this first chapter.
Welp, right off the bat I cannot read what Luna is saying. This is much more exaggerated than the show. This is what i got from this:
See the problem? It’s grammatically incorrect. It should be:
Which, when translated canonically, is:
Considerably less exaggerated and a lot more readable.
Wwwait wait wait. I’m confused. This is after Luna’s reformation, how is NMM there?
So basically, the EoH did nothing... I don’t approve.
Wait, what? What exactly happened? Showing no details like this is actually really annoying. I mean I get what you’re trying to do, add to the suspense “oh no what happened” but honestly, it didn’t work in movies and I honestly don’t think it works in stories. It’s just annoying.
Oh now that’s interesting. Honestly a take I’ve never seen before and the “royal we” thing never did make sense to me personally. I approve.
Honestly my biggest problem with this story just from this first chapter is Luna’s speech. In the author’s note you said you fixed some of it, but this is not good. The main problem with it is it’s not how Luna was speaking in canon. Why i say that is because there’s a reason Luna wasn’t full Shakespearean in canon; it’s hard af to understand. So the fact that you’re using a lot more complicated words like “thither”, even for someone who has read Shakespeare (I absolutely hated it, it’s hard af to understand) and knows the language, it’s hard to understand and considerably slows down reading as you have to go through word by word thinking about wtf it means.
Basically, I don’t approve of the heavy dialect Luna is using, and highly recommend you dial it back to canon levels for the sake of readability.