Kevin Lee
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Well, after lurking about and reading everyone else's work, some quite good, I've decided to take the plunge.
This isn't quite the story I originally intended to write for here. But after talking with Ryuu from the old Pernese Friends website about getting permission to adapt his characters to a MLP story, he suggested some changes that I think has made this project a much better one. Plus, I really appreciate the efforts he put in to work out some physics issues with the Equestrian sun & moon.
A great deal of credit also goes to ZoidbergIsBestPony (even though I've not discussed this idea with him)--his DisQord Continuum series was a great inspiration for this idea. This is the first installment of 5 chapters, so please let me know what you think. I hope everyone enjoys reading this as I've had writing it.
Has second fuck you all
I like where this story is going! Can't wait to see how it continues.
Great work on these chapters! I'm looking forward to the next ones.
Also, was the "none" being 20% a reference to the commonly associated phrase?
5522731 Thanks! I wish I could honestly say it was--that was one of Ryuu's contribution to the story. He explained the color code was used on old discrete electronic parts. (it really does represent +/-20%)
)
Ryuu told me that whole scene would've been perfect had Twilight been Blue instead of violet. Points for anyone who can ever guess what the punchline should've been & what it references.
I have to try making this easy: it was Twilight's outburst over her & Celestia being called numbers.
Another hint is that Ryuu said he's in his 50's, if that helps narrow it down. (so it's probably older than you are
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My guess is that it is from the late 60's show The Prisoner. The reference to the main character "Number 6" and the idea of " I am not a number, I am a free man."
5524220 Holy shit! Spot on, dude!! I didn't think anyone would get that
Okay, this has got to be a challenge. Let's see if you can catch the reference that's the running gag hidden in 7 of the first 9 chapters?
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The first thing that comes to mind is Aradon, the Abyssal Winged Panther. He was telepathic, sounded like a gentleman, and worked on self realization, magic enhancing, astral travel, and analytical tracking.
Other than that, I'd have to go through it again to see.
5526437 Not quite, but it's an interesting pick you made. Ryuu thinks it's very possible that the comic strip had Aradon in mind, but there was never any comment by the artist where he came from. Just to show it was incorrect, the winged panthers here were only in 6 of the first 9 chapters.
Okay, so evidently that's a little bit of a toughie. Still, you were able to get the Prisoner reference so easily, so I'm not going to argue anymore with Ryuu over his insistence of including some of those puns.
But the answer we're looking for is also from a show that existed back then (as are most of the items sprinkled about)
I was really waiting to see how Discord would react. This is hardly what I expected, but I like it!
In looking back, I figured that the "running gag", as you so put, was Stargate SG-1. It almost all added up; secret military space project deep inside a mountain, the "rings", and the ideas on warp drives/ space distance. I was fairly sure, but this last chapter cemented my assumptions, being when you mentioned the 7 characters on the spinning ring. I like it!
"The Black Wizard", or Discord, whichever is the name, being the one who made Trevar what he is. Now THAT is an interesting idea. Totally didn't see it coming. As always, keep going!
Glad you're enjoying it.
As for the "running gag", I'm afraid you're a little on the wrong track for that one. Although, I originally wanted to use the StarGate to get Ryuu's character to Equestria. However, Ryuu had his own StarGate crossover story and he convinced me to not involve Cheyenne Mountain--in fact, it was that other Allec Trevar whom the Black Wizard was looking in on who got to mix it up with Col. O'Neill on his home world (but I was glad to be able to throw in a not-so subtle reference).
No, the "running gag" is one that can be solved by paying attention to the titles of those chapters, and refers to another show from the 1960's that was one of his favorites. That you had gotten the Prisoner so easily and quickly, I was surprised that you haven't figured it out yet. I'll let you know by PM if you haven't gotten it by next week ;)
Cheers
Thanks so much for the Two Steps From Hell reference!
Yay! New chapter up (#18). For those who may have been waiting for the clop, here's the first bit of it. Look for the red
Added link to ZoidbergIsBestPony & notice of Star Trek copyright for their characters in the description (I should have done that from the beginning). Ryuu can be pretty brutal sometimes--just kidding
Also, finally got the chance to post some of the math work that Ryuu put into the story. If you can't understand the crap that Pardus is telling Trevar, please check out my blog post, and hopefully that will help.
Hope you enjoy.
Also, if anyone has trouble understanding what Pardus is telling Trevar, hopefuly my blog post can help. I posted a portion of the xCell math that Ryuu did to try make sense of the system's gravity.
Fourth wall breaking cupcakes. Alrighty then.
Goddamn changelings. NOT THE TIME FOR THIS!
Wonder how the Griffons would react to discovering Trevar isn't the Cat-Lord.
Also, Pinkie duping Spike into sending spy reports to Celestia? Poor guy. No clue as to what's going on.
Heh! As well as using Applebloom to help break the 4th
How they're going to react will be revealed in the next chapter.
I've never liked how the show depicted Spike's back and forth personality. Several shows has him being the "sage of reason", while many others have him as moronic as the fictional Humdrum is supposed to be. It's rather hard trying to write someone that's both smart enough to spot the difference between the panthers and yet, so clueless that he's totally clueless. Ugh!
(Although, Pinkie's line about Celestia potentially breaking her teeth on his cupcakes was a joy to write
It really makes me wonder if her alicorn teeth would hold up to them....)
Why this story have so few likes?
Next chapter coming soon, but I find that I'm spending almost as much time correcting mistakes in previous chapters as I am developing new ones
Officially, however, I'm blaming all delays on having to catch up on 12 unread chapters in my Favorites, 428 unread chapters in my Tracking, and 343 stories in my "read it later"
I wanted to give this story a chance, but with a quote like this, something tells me I won't like what I find within. Human hate-fest, or should there be good humans, this will just be a source of drama about it due to 'misunderstandings', from stuff unseen.
Good God, that was a long chapter!
Apologies for taking so long. to post it. Both Ryuu and I had some RL issues popping up, plus he's in Fiji, which makes for long periods for communication with the States. I needed to consult with him about how far I could take his characters and he greatly appreciated my efforts to keep them in canon with his stories.
But then, as it progressed toward where I wanted to press the publish button, he reminded me that I should try to develop Lt. Scott more and--OUCH__that was hard! But, in the end, we both think it'll be well worth it.
Unfortunately, neither of us are very good at describing fight scenes, so we're going to let your imaginations have a go at them
But at least Ryuu dug up an excellent source of scene music to go along with those scenes--holy shit! And I thought Globus and TSFH were impressive....I still do, but those guys have some SERIOUS competition.
Some notable credits (or blames, if that's your preference):
"Dragon Storm" -- Ryuu wishes he could take credit for coming up with that term, but it belongs with the guy who compiled the source music we're using in the fight scenes (noted, it's not his music, either. DragonStorm on Youtube just made a great collection of compilations. Check out his channel. Those volumes will impress the shit out of you)
"Four Mares of the Aponyclypse"--that one is ALL Ryuu!
Lt. Scott's reaction to the above pun--that was mine--literally--that was MY reaction.
The subsequent hall scene--that one's back to Ryuu. As was the flashback to Mexico City--that REALLY HAPPENED. And, yes, while it does feel a lot more like a Pinkie Pie or CMC-type scene, perhaps we should reconsider....maybe there's a reason nobody in Ponyville ever bats an eye when the CMC engages in some of their crazy shit like hang gliding or manticore training...could it be that those four insane ponies are more "normal" than we've been shown??? Hey~maybe that'd make a great title for a pony fic
"Passionfruit"--another of Ryuu's. Excellent explanation for how species in Equestria can interbreed.
Hopefully, the next chapter won't take nearly as long. Also, I need to update my other story, too. Apologies for that, too. I have been distracted catching up on a number of stories I have in my favorites' lists.
Cheers,
KL
6582841 Thanks for giving it a look, and I understand you might not be that interested after reading it. To be honest, this was not the introduction I wanted. But this isn't a human hate-fest, or similar, as you're afraid of. As mentioned in the Author's Notes, this is an unofficial continuation of the DisQord story by Zoidbergisbestpony
Unfortunately, this was supposed to start with The Night Of The Wrong Door. I had submitted it and the next two chapters, and I had just finished The Night Of Stalking Shadows when I got the rejection notice--apparently for not being Equestrian enough [shrugs]
Ryuu suggested that since the entirety of the story was layers of mysteries, that perhaps I should throw in another one. At that moment, I was working on a portion of Lyra's story, so I came up with this chapter to be part of her background and make the overall story a bit darker. However, I felt rather rushed and went ahead and published Stalking Shadows while I still awaited the results of the resubmission, but it got through this time. But I'm still not happy with this first chapter.
God this is all over the place and I can barely read it.
In preparations for the next chapter, I came across some errors in continuity and calculation. Corrections made to chapters 10, 11, 17, 22, 23, 24, and 25--in case you were seeing any weirdness about their publication dates (although, I'm not....
).
More info about what happened in the blog
Coming up next---Winter has Arrived! And Jon Snow walks again!
7206067 This fic still goin?
7533424 Yes, still going. Sorry about taking so long on putting an update out. Work a bit of laziness on my part. At the moment, I'm trying to catch up on a number of unread stories in my reading lists. But I still am working on this. It won't be long. I promise.
Normal!
7610557 LOL
Holy shit, Rainbow
Are you okay??
Are you having a stroke?!
Were you electrocuted just before trying to pronounce that word?
Twilight, how the fuck did you decipher that shit?
7611195 All I can say they had this discussion before at some point ♪♫
You might want to rewrite, this story just seems to jump from one place to the next. Also quite a lot of cliche hie mixed in.
Sorry.
Hi everyone,
I just made a blog post explaining a few changes that Kevin & I have done on this story. Chapter 18 is where you'll see the implications those changes have for this story.
I have to apologize for this being so late. With as much stuff going on in this and upcoming chapters, we wanted to get as many bugs out of it before posting it. Working out the dialogue with Gustav and Tail Feather regarding how the modified Enigma worked and confirming each step in the decoding process was the hardest part. Plus we wanted to re-introduce tensions between the Apples and Trevar and for awhile, it was a little hard to make it believable (at least making it believable to us). And I have to admit, in the past year, I had forgotten some of the stuff we had wanted to put in the bar fight, so we had to come up with new material.
Anyway, you should have enough info to decode this chapter's title
The story's good but it hurts my head trying to understand it.
50 Points to the first one to ID the inspiration of this chapter's title...
How did you type ፐኀሃ‡አቀ‡።።።‡ኯተ‡ሴኀሃጳ?
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Hi Starlight,
Those letters are from some sets of the Ethiopic fonts you should be able to see here, more specifically the links at the bottom of that block: Ethiopic Test Page, the Extended, Extended-A, and Supplemental test pages.
When KevinLee approached me on doing this story, I suggested, given their hidden ancient connections to Earth, that the ponies would use an alphabet more closely related to South Eastern European and Eastern Mediterranean languages: Greek, Egyptian, Georgian, etc. Related to that, it made sense that other races would have their own writing systems. At the time, we needed a script that would fit for a warrior race such as the griffons. Since Klingon was rejected by the Unicode Consortium, I looked about to find a suitable script with a wide enough block of symbols that might look like it came from a species who's first writing instruments would be their own claws.
Fortunately, the Eithiopic scripts fit the bill for both our requirements. In addition, the concept of griffons in cryptozoology is fairly wide, nearly as wide as that of dragons, stretching from Mongolia through the Middle East, in into Africa, which ties into using such Eithiopian writing as they did have a historic contact with Ancient Egypt and Greece!
The links up above should show if your browser supports those scripts and you should be able to access those characters on your own computer using MS's built-in Character Map, and select Ebrima in the font dropdown list. If neither are working for you, then you'd need to get into your computer's Region & Language setting and add in the "Amharic" language--don't worry, adding a language won't eliminate the home language your machine is currently set for. (TBH, I cheated. Since I work in the State Department and have to travel around the world, I preloaded my machines with every language I could😁) Kevin, at least, can attest to the fact that retrofitting languages to his computer caused no problems.
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Thanks for explaining it, Ryuu.
So, Starlight Nova, given that the the fully decrypted message is also displayed in the chapter, which Tail Feather read out in English, you should have enough to decode the chapter's title! Give it a go
I thought alarajrogers came up with the whole "Discord is really Q from Star Trek" thing.
Arguably, it can be said the MLP writing staff were the ones to first come up with the idea that Discord is Q, since they're the ones who pitched the idea to the producers and deLancie was approached for the roll of "a Q-like character" (their words, btw).
I can't say who was first in FimFic, but Zoidberg's was the first I read. But since starting this story, I have seen several other authors who posted the idea prior to DisQord Continuum.
I'll not quibble, but what matters is if you enjoy them.
But I'll be sure to look for the story that Alarajrogers did.
Welp, right off the bat I cannot read what Luna is saying. This is much more exaggerated than the show. This is what i got from this:
See the problem? It’s grammatically incorrect. It should be:
Which, when translated canonically, is:
Considerably less exaggerated and a lot more readable.
Wwwait wait wait. I’m confused. This is after Luna’s reformation, how is NMM there?
So basically, the EoH did nothing... I don’t approve.
Wait, what? What exactly happened? Showing no details like this is actually really annoying. I mean I get what you’re trying to do, add to the suspense “oh no what happened” but honestly, it didn’t work in movies and I honestly don’t think it works in stories. It’s just annoying.
Oh now that’s interesting. Honestly a take I’ve never seen before and the “royal we” thing never did make sense to me personally. I approve.
Honestly my biggest problem with this story just from this first chapter is Luna’s speech. In the author’s note you said you fixed some of it, but this is not good. The main problem with it is it’s not how Luna was speaking in canon. Why i say that is because there’s a reason Luna wasn’t full Shakespearean in canon; it’s hard af to understand. So the fact that you’re using a lot more complicated words like “thither”, even for someone who has read Shakespeare (I absolutely hated it, it’s hard af to understand) and knows the language, it’s hard to understand and considerably slows down reading as you have to go through word by word thinking about wtf it means.
Basically, I don’t approve of the heavy dialect Luna is using, and highly recommend you dial it back to canon levels for the sake of readability.
Wait, what? That’s a... blunt opening. If you’re going to use “assets” from things people don’t really know about then you should really explain them before going into the story. An author’s note isn’t enough, it has to be explained in the story itself or it doesn’t stick. Also p, “things people don’t really know about” are things that can’t be assumed as general knowledge. Harry Potter can be assumed as general knowledge because it’s a popular movie and tv series. MLP can be assumed as general knowledge because I’d youre not on this site for MLP then there’s something wrong. Star Wars can be assumed as general knowledge because again, it was popular. Star Trek can be assumed as general knowledge because, despite it no longer being as popular as it was, people still know enough about it to understand. On the other end of the spectrum, the Warrior Cats series can’t be assumed as general knowledge because it’s not popular like Star Wars or Harry Potter or even Star Trek. You get it?
TL;DR you need to explain things outside of author’s notes.
To be quite honest I’d love to read a story that involved bloody panthers as companions, and the ability to turn into a dragon. Reminds me a lot of Animorphs.
Anyone got a link to where I can read this fantastical story?
You really need to add some horizontal rules to your chapters.p, it’ll help immensely with telling when there’s a perspective shift or time skip or other.
...Lightning comes from the ground..?
Wait, what? Did you just describe a stargate..?
Oof. First thing I noticed this chapter was that Trevor talked a lot about the phone call that just happened, but he couldn’t have known about that phone call without his companions, so the lieutenant should’ve been suspicious.
As for the rest of the chapter, I got really confused as to what was going on because a lot of sci-fi terms were being thrown about in such quick succession it just made a confusing mess.
I honestly think I agree with dude5999’s assessment. This story probably needs a rewrite.
Honestly a good question, how does Trevor know so much? Literally all we’ve been told about him is that he was once a dragon, he died, has an alien device keyed to him, and has two companions.
Love it if there was a bit of backstory before being thrown into this confusing mess. None of them have even acknowledged the pony standing in the doorway.
...and now Pinkie Pie is being portrayed in an OTT way.
Honestly, the only thing keeping me reading the story at this point is the idea behind it.
Wrong order. It’s “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder”, ADHD. I should know, I have it.
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Thanks for the feedback, Warrior Kitten. At the moment, Ryuu & I *are* been going through this story trying to work out a number of bugs (and I swear, every time I come back to look at it, I find more crap that makes me want to beat my head against a wall!
Many of the points you brought up certainly are legit, so I'll take a closer look at them, too. Another problem is that both he & I have rather limited opportunities to work on it at the moment, but we're been doing what we can.
Using line-breaks for transitions isn't a bad idea. I had initially decided to not use them when I saw many stories use them way too much and had instead chosen to use double-line spacing. But can see where putting them in can help with readability.
TBH, I was never really happy with Luna's speech, either. (Not that the in-show canon version of her speech is much better) Unfortunately, the only "Olde English" translator I could find is an OTT Shakespearean converter from Lingojam.
"EOH did nothing"--well, they did something, but they're not a "magic cure all", implied pun notwithstanding. Lots of fan authors here have conflicting takes and theories, with we've all been exploring using our stories: starting from a parasite that infected Luna--and going all the way down to her just growing a hair up her ass that caused her to act out. Even in canon, they left the Tantabus behind, which evidently was a shadow of NMM, or a reemergence of the problem due to Luna's excessive guilt.
But if we look at the show in its whole, it would seem that everyone has some weird personality quirk: Twilight clearly has OCD (or CDO as she would insist on calling it), Rainbow is hyper-competitive, Rarity is OTT Drama Queen (capitols in the title required with her), Fluttershy is ultra-timid, etc. So it goes in my mind (or at least for this story--I may explore other ideas if I get around to developing them someday), Luna's problem is a bit of a classic split-personality disorder. The EOH didn't destroy NMM, since it is another version of Luna's mind, but they put her back in "balance" as it were. The other personality is still there, but Luna's normal nature is in firm control. And as it came out in the Tantabus episode, that balance can always shift again in the future...
As you mentioned, Pinkie: yes, I had pointed ADHD out to Ryuu, but he had insisted on his character applying that order as part of the joke (much like the CDO joke is often used about Twilight). I'll speak to him about it and maybe a slight rewrite will make it clearer and still satisfy him. You also brought up Pinkie's OTT nature: as I had intended to have this as a followup to Zoidberg's "DisQord Continuum" series, it becomes clearer in later chapters just what's going on with her.
Another aspect is Ryuu's story from where this idea came from. You can find the link to it in this story's summary. I will talk with him about your issues with how abruptly we introduced his characters, explain how he can know so much, and what we might be able to do with improving it. Part of the problem is these events are very early into the timeline of the characters in the series that Ryuu is working to create, so even his characters aren't supposed to be aware of how they work. Since we're writing from their perspective, it's a tough writing convincingly about their own ignorance vs what the authors know what's going on, and properly conveying the difference to the reader.
Finally, the mystery regarding Lyra at the end of the Prologue: in addition of going through a complete rewrite of the whole thing, we're also working on the draft for Chapter 31, and what happened to Lyra finally gets addressed. A little of it was revealed in ᶘ♫₰∑€₰﴿♪ﻼ, BTW.
Wait what? I definitely do not believe Celestia would do that except as a troll!