Obama Returns to Equestria

by a human

Ditzy's Decision

There were no such thing as stars in Equestria.

There were no other planets, no other suns.

The "sun" was a ball of fire Celestia made. The "stars" were only the small dots of light Luna painted on the sky, sometimes in vaguely obscene patterns.

"Planets," in fact, didn't even exist outside of fantasy stories. Equestria was flat, and you could hit the edge of the world if you traveled far enough.

Was this superstition? Not at all. In Equestria, this was the hard, cold reality.

Their world was a façade.

And only a few knew of worlds that were not façades.

– – – –

Ditzy, formerly Dr. Ditzy Do, huddled in a corner in a padded cell. She kept her eyes shut, but she knew it was useless. She could see straight through her eyelids.

Without drugs, sleep was impossible. Turning the lights off only helped so much when you could clearly see through walls. And it hardly helped that all she had a good view of was other mental patients' rooms. They were much more unkempt than her, and, if you asked her, with much less of an excuse.

She was one of the few patients that looked forward to the attendant's visits.

She heard a knock.

"Come in, please."

A couple locks clicked open. Simple Ethics, the main doctor, followed by a couple nervous attendants, entered.

Ditzy spoke first. "So, what'll it be today? Electroshock therapy? Chemicals? Brain analysis? Eye gouging? I'm up for anything. But do please use sharper blades this time. We don't want my eyeballs breaking them again."

Simple cleared her throat.

Ditzy pursed her lips. "No."

Simple glanced at an envelope in her coat. "You saw it, then?"

"Of course I saw it. You open the thing in seven of eight branches, and it's only three seconds in the future. I could see it with my eyes closed—literally." Ditzy glared. "Still, I want to hear you say it out loud."

Simple decided against actually opening the envelope, and instead met Ditzy eye to abomination-eye. "Ditzy Do," she said, "we're releasing you."

Ditzy paused. "Why?"

"What? You don't know?"

"I can see the future, not hear it. Please, continue."

Simple looked to the side. "Well, the thing is," she said, scratching the side of her neck, "you're just too sane for this mental ward."

Ditzy paused, longer this time. "Excuse me?"

"For Celestia's sake, look at you. You're sitting there, making complete sentences, and all your bodily fluids are where they're supposed to be. You're not even trying to strangle me."

Ditzy glared. "It's taking considerable restraint, trust me."

Simple Ethics rolled her eyes. "That's not the main problem, though," she said. "You see… we checked out your prophecies. You remember, the ones you ranted at that secretary until she lost it, brought you here, and admitted herself to the room next door?"

"Yes, of course I remember. She cries herself to sleep every night, lucky bastard. And?"

The doctor took a breath. "They're completely correct. Everything checked out."

Ditzy paused. "Excuse me?" she said again.

"Well, after you successfully predicted the death of that one janitor, we told your prophecies to all the employees. They tried to avoid them, and guess what? For the last couple months, we've had the best safety record we've had for 300 years. Two straight weeks without a decapitation! Can you believe it? And your stock market predictions have been particularly accurate. The humans can say goodbye to their currency value, that much's for sure."

"Okay," Ditzy said, "but what about the one where Equestria becomes a giant wasteland? Surely you didn't verify that."

"One of the interns is a batpony. His name was (3.5+2i), if I remember right. He asked Luna about it, and she said it seemed likely."

Ditzy reeled. "Seemed likely?"

"You see branches of the future, not the definitive future, right?" Simple said. "It seems likely at least one of those branches ends up with Equestria exploding. Honestly, between the humans, Celestia's death, and that awful tower that raises the sun, I'm surprised we aren't dead already."

"So? Your point?"

Simple sighed. "My point is, even if you're wrong, it's one bad prediction out of fifty good ones," she said. "Face it, Ditzy. You're not insane. You can actually see the future."

Ditzy was getting desperate. "But… but… it's extremely traumatizing! I can see straight through my eyelids! I can't sleep! I see death and destruction everywhere I go! Do you know how many timeline branches end in carnage?"

Simple shook her head. "Try an optometrist?"

"I did, you moron! I broke the equipment!" Ditzy yelled. "And that pink pony changed more than my eyes! She went inside me and screwed with my insides. Probably my head, too. Isn't that enough!?"

"If we committed all the ponies Pinkie Pie made a bit unhinged, we'd have to commit most of Equestria," Simple said. "Now, we've tried to be accepting. None of us quite believed you when you said you were insane, but at your behest, we've run every test in the book on you. We even doctored the results to help you fail. And you know what? You didn't. Nearly all your predictions turned out to be correct, and you acted on that knowledge in a very prudent and mature way."

Ditzy wondered exactly what she considered "prudence."

"If anything, your problem is that, considering what you've been through, you're too sane," Simple said. "Which sucks, I guess, but when you're taking up space that could be used to treat, say, a deranged heterosexual, I can't really sympathize." She glared. "So. Get. Out."

– – – –

Ditzy stood outside the hospital, a bit flummoxed.

Now what? She thought the hospital would be able to help her with her condition. She thought they would know something. She thought they at least wouldn't… outright refuse.

Admittedly, it was a bit better than before. She had learned how to basically focus her vision on the present—but it was still not acceptable by any means. Setting foot in a city, or even a small town was a nightmare. The more living things interacted, the more timeline branches there were, and the more difficult it became to focus on the one she was currently in. That was when her vision darted through all time, and she saw hideous things.

During her worst breakdown, she saw that vision.

~ ~ ~ ~

Rubble, everywhere, smoke, everywhere, lightning, everywhere, death, everywhere…

"___________?" Twilight said, her ______ flared, her ethereal _____________ the most arcane secrets of mathematics. "________?"

______ smiled. "_________."

_____ roared, and—

~ ~ ~ ~

That was it. That was all she saw. And there was so much missing. She couldn't read lips, so she couldn't tell what they were saying, and so many of the details faded away right afterwards. Everything she saw that day faded away, to be honest—there was just so much of it. She was pretty sure most of it was gibberish, but this… this, she felt, was important. She could vaguely sense how likely any given future was, and with this future, that sense overpowered her.

No change, no matter how big, could stop it from happening. Nothing.

She had to try, though.

And there was only one person that could help her with that.

She set off to Rarity's house.

– – – –

Sometimes, Ditzy wondered how Rarity had held the Doctor captive for so long. After all, he was an adventurer through time and space. He had presumably encountered foes worse than a fashion designer with a black belt in karate. She wasn't even particularly intelligent, unless you considered the ability to find double entendres in nearly everything a form of intelligence…

Ditzy shook her head. She was becoming distracted. She needed to focus on serious business.

Like rescuing the Doctor from Rarity's sex dungeon—which was very possibly her living room.

………

It wasn't completely implausible.

Ditzy stared at the Carousel Boutique, attempting to focus her eyes. She broadened her vision, slowly, so she wouldn't have a repeat of last time. She tried to focus on a different time—the future. The near future.

When she felt she had a fairly good grasp on the time, she slowly looked at the front door.

There, she saw it. Herself, trying to break into the boutique in about 20 different ways. She looked through the different branches, trying to find the successful one, preferably one that would require no equipment…

There.

She took a step back, then kicked the front door, dead center, with all her might, forcing it open.

There always seemed to be a couple branches like that, where doing something completely random would be the most efficient way of accomplishing your goal. It was almost like someone had littered Equestria with cheat codes or something…

Then Ditzy looked at the door and realized it had been unlocked.

"Oh," she said, embarrassed, and tried to quietly close the door again. Then, she turned around, and nearly jumped out of her skin.

There was a filly, about 14 years old, staring right into Ditzy's face. The thing was, Ditzy didn't see her come in. She hadn't even seen a single timeline branch where anyone was home.

"You're here to rescue that stallion, aren't you?" the filly said.

It must've been Sweetie Belle, Rarity's sister. Ditzy had heard the rumors, of course—that she was a robot, demon, or some combination thereof—but she never believed them.

Not until now, at least.

Sweetie Belle looked normal, but somehow, she hit the uncanny valley right in the fourth dimension. Something about the way she moved was just off. Ditzy had never really noticed before, but with her improved vision, it was impossible not to. It was… unsettling.

Not to mention, she apparently had the ability to subvert Ditzy's ability to see the future.

"You're Derpy, aren't you? That mailmare? You know that stallion, right?"

She wasn't even doing it intentionally. It was like it was just how she was made. Ditzy hadn't realized how much she had come to depend on her future vision until now, when she had it stripped from her…

"Derpy? Are you okay?"

"It's Dr. Do," Ditzy corrected, automatically. She wasn't sure what to say. "Er, sorry about the door."

"It's okay," Sweetie Belle said. "It'll cut into Rarity's sex toy budget for the next couple months, which should do wonders for my ability to sleep. Follow me."

Sweetie Belle began walking through the foyer to some stairs. Ditzy warily followed. "Why are you helping me?"

"Mainly? Because Rarity says you're bad news," Sweetie Belle said. "But also… " She looked down. "I feel bad for that stallion."

Ditzy raised an eyebrow. "Really."

"I know, it's a bit late to help," Sweetie Belle said, ascending the stairs. "For a long time, I never gave it much thought. I looked at what Rarity was doing, and I knew it was wrong. But, well, I knew Celestia did stuff like that to unwind, so what was wrong with anyone else doing it?" She stopped. "Then Celestia died. And I started to realize… maybe everything she did wasn't right."

Ditzy scoffed, and continued climbing up. "I suppose something good came out of this Twilight's ridiculous coup d'état, then…"

Sweetie Belle looked confused. "'This' Twilight?"

Ditzy tried to think of a logical way to explain her circumstances. "I… came from another universe. The Doctor did too, I think."

Sweetie Belle continued looking confused. "The Doctor?"

Ditzy looked back. "You know. That stallion. Don't you know his name?"

"Don't you?"

Ditzy stopped. She thought about it. "Er, no," she said. "I think he said something about the universe exploding if anyone finds out his real name. Which may or may not have been a euphemism for some family coming to visit, now that I think about it…"

Sweetie Belle thought about it, shrugged, and stepped onto the second floor. "Anyway, he's up here. Second door from the end. You should probably… see him yourself first."

That worried Ditzy. "Thanks." She walked towards the door, then stopped. "Er, wait a second. Aren't you going to ask about my eyes?"

"What's there to ask?" Sweetie Belle said. "Pinkie Pie did something to them, right? We'll probably never know what happened to them. At least not until Equestria explodes or something."

Ditzy attempted to ignore that. She turned around, approached the door, trying to not focus on what was inside, and opened it.

It was a small, windowless, badly plastered room, almost completely empty save for the Doctor. Saying he looked bad was a bit of an understatement. His legs were chained to the floor, and his forelegs were chained to the wall behind him, forcing him upright. He hung in his restraints, limp but breathing. In front of him, on the floor, were two dog bowls, one filled with a pittance of water, the other with a pittance of dog food. They looked like they had been untouched for weeks. The smell of the room made it clear that Rarity didn't let him out nearly as much as she should.

"How the hell is this legal?" Ditzy said, getting to work on the first of the restraints.

"Guess who. Besides, in general, it's basically impossible to arrest an Element of Harmony," Sweetie Belle said, working on the other side. "Even with all the work Twilight and Obama have done to reduce corruption, there's still a lot of favoritism…"

"Thanks Obama," Ditzy muttered, undoing the next restraint.

"I mean, Rarity isn't exactly hiding this, either. She is trying to create controversy, after all. You know, so she can sell more of her clothing line," Sweetie Belle said. "One magazine did a whole color spread on this arrangement here. Celestia actually wrote to them about it."

That caught Ditzy's attention. "What? Really? What'd she say?"

"'lol.'" Sweetie Belle paused. "Then she suggested a better brand of manacle."

Ditzy started working with extra fervor. "Don't worry! I'm getting you out of this hellhole, Doctor!"

Sweetie Belle was on the last restraint on her side. She was working a little faster than Ditzy because she actually had the key. "I don't even get why Rarity's doing this, really. I mean, her clothes are good enough to sell on their own merits, and her torture arrangements are pretty mediocre…"

Ditzy raised an eyebrow. "Mediocre? And you would know this how?"

Sweetie Belle stopped. "What? How do you not? We learn all about Celestia's dungeons in school. There's even some hands-on parts. Diamond Tiara has Rarity beat, I'll tell you that much. Dear Celestia I hated that semester…"

Ditzy gaped. "I… went to private school," she managed.

Finally, they finished off the restraints, and the Doctor flopped onto the floor.

Ditzy rushed to grab him. "It'll be okay…"

"I'll go get some water," Sweetie Belle said, running out.

Ditzy, unable to object, stayed behind, staring at the Doctor. He looked so tired, his body so ravaged… she could've sworn she could see his ribcage.

She briefly wondered how anyone could find any of this arousing.

Sweetie Belle ran in with a small cup, probably from the restroom. "Here," she said, offering it to the Doctor, who immediately grabbed it and guzzled it down.

Ditzy started. "Wait, slow down, it's—"

"Let him have his water," Sweetie Belle said. "He doesn't get enough, I'll tell you that much."

Ditzy decided against going into a long medical lecture. "When's Rarity getting home, anyway?"

"A while. She dropped by Canterlot, to visit Twilight, and apparently they're visiting the old castle. With all the space bending tricks in that place, they'll be at least an hour, plus train time." She looked up, lost in thought. "Unless Twilight gets tired of her shit again, and teleports her straight here…"

Ditzy blanched. "Let's hurry up, why don't we?" she said. She couldn't see any branches where Rarity came out of nowhere, but she wanted to play it safe. If she couldn't see Sweetie Belle's future, maybe Rarity had a similar ability. Maybe that's how she held the Doctor for so long… "Where's the TARDIS? It's in here somewhere, isn't it?"

Sweetie Belle just stared.

Ditzy attempted to gesture a box-like shape. "It's this… big… blue… thing. He probably, you know, came in it…"

Sweetie Belle continued staring.

"No, I mean, it's like a box. A time machine box. He… arrived here inside of it."

"Oh! That!" Sweetie Belle said. "I thought… nevermind." She walked out. "Life with Rarity…" she muttered.

Ditzy followed, dragging the Doctor behind her. She shuddered, imagining what Sweetie Belle's childhood must've been like.

By time she got out, Sweetie Belle had opened Rarity's bedroom door, and was rushing back to help Ditzy. As soon as she was near enough, she got the other side of the Doctor, and they trudged towards the bedroom.

Finally, they entered it. Ditzy cringed.

Sweetie Belle noticed. "What? What's wrong?"

Ditzy tried to think of a delicate way to say that she could currently see all the sex Rarity had for the last week. She gave up. "I can see all the sex Rarity had for the last week," she said. "These eyes? They can see the past, present, and future simultaneously."

"That sounds… confusing."

"Please, by all means, file a complaint with Pinkie Pie," Ditzy said. "For now, let's focus on getting the Doctor out of here." She looked around the room, searching for the TARDIS. Was that a bright pink monster truck in the corner…?

"It's over here," Sweetie Belle said, pointing towards the opposite corner of the room. "Probably don't want to look around too much, especially if you can see the past week."

"Trust me," Ditzy said, "that doesn't help." She turned to Sweetie Belle. "You do have the key for the thing, right?"

"Rarity keeps it unlocked. It's bigger on the inside, so she uses it as extra closet space."

"Brilliant," Ditzy seethed. They sat the Doctor against the TARDIS, and he leaned against the side, breathing heavily. "Anyway, thank you for your help. I mean it."

Sweetie Belle blushed a bit. "Oh. Th-Thanks."

"Sorry, but we'll probably not meet again," Ditzy said, opening the TARDIS door. "Let me know if you want a lottery ticket from the future or something, though. You may think time travelers have an ethical objection to that kind of thing, but well, I'm not really a time traveler, I just board with one."

"It's okay," Sweetie Belle said, sounding a bit disappointed. "Actually… there is one thing."

Ditzy looked back. "What?"

Sweetie Belle fidgeted. "Look… because you seem to know some things about the universe, and… you have those eyes…" She composed herself, and looked up. "Can you tell me something?"

Ditzy began to get a bit worried. "What?"

Sweetie Belle gulped. "Why… why do people think I'm a demon?" She looked down. "Or sometimes a robot?"

Ditzy paused.

"It's happened ever since I've been a kid. I'd say it's a conspiracy, but… I don't think so. Even complete strangers act scared of me sometimes, and they have no reason to." She looked at Ditzy. "Can you… can you see anything? Am I different somehow?" She paused. "I mean, I'm not really a demon, am I?"

Ditzy stared at her. "Well, you're not a robot, I can tell you that much," she said. "You do have internal organs."

Sweetie Belle visibly sighed in relief.

"As for a demon? I'm not sure. I've never seen a demon before. I'm not even sure they exist, but, well, after everything I've seen…" Ditzy shook her head. "Anyway, your physiology doesn't seem different from any other pony."

Sweetie Belle's eyes were practically glowing. "Really?"

"But," Ditzy said, "there is something off about you. Something about… just the way you move is different than anything I've seen. Everyone else I've seen acts kind of… predictable. You don't. It's like everyone else is being swept along by a giant river, and you don't even realize the water's there. Maybe you have more free will then everyone else. I don't know. That can be bad, but…" She looked at the Doctor. "It can also be good."

Sweetie Belle was silent. "Thank you," she said.

Ditzy nodded, and closed the TARDIS door. Sweetie Belle watched in awe as the machine faded away.

"Who are you…?"

– – – –

The next couple weeks were remarkably dull. As soon as Ditzy brought the Doctor inside the TARDIS, the vehicle went into auto nurse mode, and put the Doctor through a drawn out recovery routine. While he was busy getting meticulously fed, exercised, and monitored, Ditzy had nothing better to do than wander through the place.

It was odd. Ditzy thought the TARDIS was going to be utterly terrifying with her new eyes, but it was actually quite relaxing. It had a certain order to it. There were no timeline branches in the TARDIS—just one single locked possibility, as if the vehicle knew its path from the very beginning of its existence and stuck to it. Maybe she would ask the Doctor about it when he got better.

Most relaxing of all, though, was that she couldn't see through the damn thing. Whatever the TARDIS was made of, it was some strong stuff. Normally, when she was in a room, Ditzy could see not only into to the next room, but into the next couple houses. In the TARDIS, she could usually see just a room ahead, and she couldn't see the outside at all. She would have to look into what caused that later, and see if she could use it to restrain her eyes somehow…

That could wait, though. For now, there was nothing to do but wait. Wait for the Doctor to get better and fix everything.

For now, she could rest, for the first time in years…

– – – –

Ditzy found herself, once again, reading that book about trains. It seemed to follow her around, like the one ring. This time, though, it wasn't a burden. This time, the plot actually seemed to make sense, and the author seemed remarkably lucid.

Then Ditzy realized she wasn't focusing enough, and was reading at least 20 pages at once.

She leaned over and massaged her forehead. She had a slight headache, both from the book and the makeshift glasses she had made. She had attached part of a blast shield to her face. It did effectively limit her vision, but it wasn't exactly comfortable.

Then, she heard a sound, and turned around.

There he was.

The Doctor.

He wasn't quite in his old health, but he looked significantly better than he did at Rarity's. His coat was full, his hair was smooth, and his ribcage no longer protruded, among other things. The main difference was his face. He looked tired, more tired than Ditzy had ever seen him. There was a certain twinkle in his eye that now appeared to be absent. Ditzy had never even realized it was there before, but now, its absence was unmistakable.

"My god," he said, "you're still reading that book? And what's that on your face?"

"Shut up," Ditzy said, ecstatic. "Let me have a look at you."

She got up to hug the Doctor, but he immediately winced.

"Oh," Ditzy said, backing away. "Sorry, I…"

"No, it's okay," the Doctor said. "We… we should talk. Want to get something from the kitchen? I have something I want to ask you."

– – – –

Ditzy's jaw hung ajar, letting a cracker fall to the floor.

"'Now what?'" she said. "That's what you wanted to ask me? Now what?"

"Yes," the Doctor said, stirring around some tea. "I'm… not exactly sure what to do now."

Ditzy paced, trying to think of something. "Aren't there mysteries of the universe to unravel? People to save? What about me? What about my timeline? The world I came from? Can't we get that back?"

"Your timeline's shot, Ditzy," the Doctor said. "If I ever said otherwise, it was to raise your spirits."

Ditzy blinked. She had suspected as much, but she couldn't believe how forward the Doctor was being. "It… was?"

"Sorry," he said. "Even if we got it back, what then? Two timelines can't exist at once. Getting your timeline back would be the same as destroying this one. Do you really want to have that on your conscience?"

Ditzy almost spoke, but stopped.

"And mysteries? What mysteries? This universe is a prison. A prison I made," the Doctor said, leaning back. "I don't even remember it, but I wanted to lock something horrible in here, and clearly, I succeeded. This world was a sacrifice to save mine. I accomplished my goal. I accomplished it long ago." He looked at Ditzy. "So now what? Now what do I do?"

Ditzy paused. There was so much she wanted to do, so much she wanted to investigate, but first, she wanted to get his spirits up. "Well, you don't need to go back to work saving the universe right away…"

– – – –

The Doctor looked unimpressed.

"Las Pegasus?" he said, squinting at the horrible tackiness of Equestria's most magical city™. "You think Las Pegasus is going to raise my spirits?"

Ditzy pushed up her sunglasses, which the Doctor had hastily made from the strongest and densest metal in the universe. It was a little overkill, but she had to admit, Las Pegasus gained a certain veneer of respectability when you couldn't see any of it. "It worked for me once," she said. "You know what they say. What happens in Las Pegasus stays in Las Pegasus."

"That's actually a law, you know. The interpretations of it have been quite… creative."

"See?" Ditzy said. Then, she noticed that the Doctor wasn't speaking, and in fact seemed to be busy hyperventilating. She decided to lift her glasses to see who spoke.

"Hi," Celestia said, an inch from her face.

Ditzy jumped back, screaming, sending her sunglasses flying. "I… what!? But… you're…!?"

"Dead?" Celestia stood up and started giggling, which was known to cause spontaneous heart attacks. "I'm immortal. I got better," Celestia said, towering over the two. "I mean, really. I've been hiding long enough, haven't I?" She leaned in.

Ditzy blinked. She was a bit intimidated by the sheer amount of ways Celestia was planning to dismember her. "Er, yes, I suppose so," she stammered, but Celestia seemed to want more. "…it seems more like your style to come back on a themed day, like Friday the 13th, though."

Celestia paused. "Today is Friday the 13th," she said, and suddenly all the timeline branches changed. "You don't know the date, do you?"

Ditzy froze.

Celestia smiled. "Are you… that time traveler?"

Ditzy's heart just about went out.

"Don't worry. I'm just kidding. Time travel's impossible, and it's not like I have any use for it," Celestia said. "I've got enough to worry about going through time in a straight line. Don't get all paranoid, like those humans. Ha! Like I would even want to invade their decrepit little world…" She smiled. "But I digress. Enjoy your stay in Las Pegasus. Gamble and kill hookers and stuff. By the way, what happened to your eyes?"

"Pinkie Pie happened," Ditzy said.

Celestia froze. Her eyes widened, but she attempted to compose herself. "Well then," she said, with unusual struggle, "stay the hell away from me. Am I clear?"

Ditzy hastily nodded. There wasn't much scarier than a scared Celestia. Because whatever scared her…

Celestia opened her wings, almost knocking everyone in the vicinity to the ground with the wind. "Goodbye," she said. "Royal duty calls. I've got go and harass more citizens. No one will believe I'm back if I don't!"

She laughed nervously, and took off at what must've been at least mach 10.

Ditzy could only stand there and gape—a fairly normal reaction to Celestia. She looked over to the Doctor, who appeared even more distraught than she was.

"I don't know about you," she said, "but I could certainly use a drink."

– – – –

In deciding which hotel to visit, the giant black pyramid with flames coming out the top seemed to choose itself.

"I need a drink," Ditzy said, slamming a completely random amount of bits on the counter of the bar. "I just saw Celestia. She talked to me. She was a couple inches from my face. I think you know what that can do to a pony."

The bartender turned around, his ears perking. "Celestia? Isn't she dead?"

"Apparently she's been in hiding this whole time just to screw with us."

The bartender thought about that. "That… sounds very plausible," he said. "Drink's on the house. Whatever you want."

Ditzy paused. She looked around a bit. "Are you sure?"

"If you're lying, Celestia will get hers eventually, even if she is dead," the bartender said. "Besides, you seem stressed enough. So, what'll it be?"

Ditzy raised her sunglasses and stared at the menu. She searched through the fabric of space-time, searched desperately for the drink that would most likely destroy her mind. "…I'll have the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, whatever that is."

"Good choice. Coming right up!"

The Doctor scrunched his eyebrows. Or, at least, since Ditzy put her sunglasses back on, she figured that vaguely eyebrow-scrunching-like sound was him. "They have those here?" he muttered.

Ditzy turned. "What, you've had it before?"

"Yes. Regrettably." He paused. "I thought they only existed in my universe…"

Ditzy froze. "Please don't tell me that my drink came through another rift in spacetime."

The Doctor shook his head. "Even if it did, it doesn't really matter," he said. "The multiverse isn't quite as stable as you'd think. Intentionally traveling between universes is nearly impossible, but I'm sure there's some flotsam that falls through the cracks occasionally, even without any rifts. In a larger universe you'd probably never notice, but here? It would all end up in this place."

"And this drink…?"

"Might be part of that. Or maybe some other people came here and brought it with them? Who knows. If anyone had a reliable way to travel across universes, they'd probably keep it a secret."

Ditzy thought. "I thought you said that was impossible."

"Nearly impossible. There's a difference."

The bartender came back and slammed the drink on the counter. The Doctor was worried about how green and glowing and boiling the drink was, but Ditzy still had her sunglasses on, so she couldn't see anything.

She took a sip. She shuddered. "Damn, that has a punch."

The bartender laughed. "Yeah," he said, "that should help you forget everything."

"You got that right," Ditzy said, taking another small, cautious sip.

The Doctor decided not to mention that, if made correctly, drinking three of those things would kill you.

The bartender scoffed. "If Celestia's really back, I feel sorry for Luna and Cadance, having to deal with her nonsense again…"

Ditzy heard the Doctor involuntarily freeze at the mention of Cadance. She decided to ignore it. "What, they can't just drink this stuff?"

"Nope," the bartender said. "Don't you know? Alicorns have perfect memory. They can't forget anything even if they want to. Celestia talks about stuff that happens thousands of years ago all the time, and if you look it up, she gets everything perfect. I mean, she might've forged half that history, but still, she remembers all of it."

"The joys of immortality," Ditzy said, taking another cautious sip. "The more I find out about alicorns, the more depressing it sounds. I'm surprised they don't just want to be put out of their misery."

"Got that right," the bartender said. "Oh, and I almost forgot."

He leaned over and ripped a feather off of Ditzy's wings.

"GAAH!" she screamed. "What the hell!?"

"You're straight, aren't you?" he said. "Extra 10% sales tax."

"How can you even tell!?"

"We can tell these things," the bartender said, vaguely.

If Ditzy heard that phrase one more time she swore she was going to punch someone. "But I didn't pay anything!"

"Well, if you get something for free, we have to take something. For pegasi, it's a feather, for unicorns, it's a bit off the tip of the horn, and for earth ponies it's their virginity."

"Wait, what—"

"You know the rules. 5% sales tax for gays, 10% sales tax for straights, and failing that, your firstborn. You don't want to give up your firstborn, do you?"

"But I don't have a—"

"If you don't have a firstborn, Celestia will make you have a firstborn. If she's back, that's the way it is."

"How does that even work!?"

A voice came from her side. "Check the featured box once in a while."

Ditzy turned, and raised her sunglasses. Staring back at her was a royal guard, what appeared to be a trashier earth pony version of Shining Armor. He was wearing some kind of name tag.

"Wall Breaker… the Fourth?"

"You'll understand when you're older," he said. "Look forward to my epic fight scene in the chapter after next! It's seriously heart wrenching!"

And, with that, he walked off.

"What. What!?"

The bartender shrugged. "You get used to it. He's one of the Three. Him and Spitfire got here earlier this morning. Now that I think about it, I bet they're here to celebrate Celestia coming back…"

Ditzy turned around. "Wait, what's the T—"

Then, she stopped.

"Doctor? Where are you?"

– – – –

Ditzy ran over every inch of the casino/hotel, yelling the Doctor's name, searching desperately for him. Nothing. Occasionally, she lifted her sunglasses, and attempted to sift through spacetime, seeing if she could catch a glimpse of him. No luck. There was simply too much information.

Her wing throbbed, still sore from having a feather torn right out of it. It briefly occurred to her that none of this would have happened if she hadn't completely blocked her vision with those sunglasses.

She shook her head. That was a useless thought. She couldn't deal with having that vision back all the time.

She just couldn't.

– – – –

After a while, Ditzy came to the conclusion that the best option would be to get a room at the hotel and wait it out. The TARDIS was still where they landed it, so the Doctor couldn't have gone far. Maybe he would turn up somewhere in the city.

Unfortunately, in absence of stairs, elevators, or even consistent hallways, the hotel had an hour-long gondola ride you had to sit through to get anywhere.

"This valley was originally colonized by Luna worshipers. They built a small, self-sustaining colony here, and even constructed a temple," the tour guide said, vaguely pointing at an artificial palm tree. "Of course, Celestia quickly put an end to that. She built one of her genetic experimentation labs around here and used them as test subjects. Then, the workers there got depressed, needed gambling and prostitution to keep going, and some entrepreneurial changelings went and started Las Pegasus."

"So it is a changeling conspiracy!" someone whispered.

"Don't worry," the tour guide said, "Las Pegasus is now completely pony owned." She paused. "Probably."

"But, but," someone said, raising a hoof, "how did the city become so popular when it was right next to one of Celestia's labs? I mean, they used the water supply for experiments and stuff, right?"

"Believer or not, the casinos used to use that as a selling point," the tour guide said. "They said that sometimes, Celestia's experiments would increase sexual stamina."

"Were they right?"

"Well, they weren't wrong…"

Ditzy tried her best not to listen. She knew everything she needed to about Celestia's depravity. Even before the giant tentacle monster, she was an ardent Luna supporter.

Bored, she lifted her sunglasses and looked through the past a bit, wondering what horrors the hotel/casino had seen. Other than the bouncers abusing their privileges a bit, there was surprisingly little. But then…

"Excuse me," she said, raising a hoof, "has anyone fallen from the 26th floor recently?"

The tour guide twitched. "Yes, about half a year ago," she said. "It was a real pain. She fell right into the buffet, and we had to rebuild the entire food court."

Ditzy raised an eyebrow. "Rebuild?"

The tour guide shrugged. "She was straight. She probably had pony AIDs." She resumed the tour. "Now, if you look to your left, you can see we have our very own electric chair, unused of course…"

– – – –

Ditzy's room, of course, was on the 26th floor. She didn't particularly want to think about how a completely flat gondola ride managed to get up that high. If she took her sunglasses off and stared at it a bit, she might have been able to figure it out, but for now, she wanted to keep her sanity a little longer. There was probably some horrible space bending magic going on, like what was in Canterlot Castle.

If that was the case, though, they should have been able to hide that huge ugly pillar in the middle of the building…

On the other hand, there was something she wanted to confirm. She lifted her sunglasses again.

Yes, the mare that "fell" from this floor had been pushed off by a couple bouncers. It was hard to make out anything distinct, but that much was clear. The hallways were nothing but giant balconies wrapped around the inner edges of the pyramid, presumably for maximum murder potential, so she wasn't really surprised, but still.

She sighed, stuck her key into the lock, and entered her room.

The room was a bit bigger than she needed, but she wanted to be prepared in case she found the Doctor. She sat on one of the beds and stared out the window, even though through the sunglasses, all she could see were vague blobs. It was incredible how little finding the Doctor had actually solved.

At that moment, she heard a sound, and turned around.

"Oh, sorry," a male voice said. "I thought the door was a closet, not… I didn't think the two rooms actually connected… nevermind. I'll go back to my room now…"

"It's okay," Ditzy said, distracted.

The figure seemed to pause. After a while, he said, "What do you think happens when you can't pay up here?"

"What?" Ditzy said.

Ditzy could hear the figure shake his head. "It's nothing," he said. "Good night."

And the door closed.

– – – –

The next day, Ditzy looked all over the pyramid casino/hotel and a couple others, but still could not find the Doctor. Hardly anyone had even seen a brown stallion, let alone the one she was looking for. It seemed completely hopeless.

Not to mention, that Wall Breaker guy kept appearing out of nowhere and completely throwing her off track.

"That tends to happen when your day long search is squished into a teeny tiny paragraph long montage," he said.

Ditzy was beginning to take the bartender's advice. She started ignoring him.

In absence of anything better to do, she decided to go see what was left of the old Luna worshiper colony. Maybe she would find some leads there—if not about the Doctor, about this world.

Finding it was easy enough. All she had to do was look for the giant scorch mark.

Not much was left aside from a couple twigs, but still, it was interesting for Ditzy. She was surprised they had even been able to make an encampment this large. She wondered what it was like, making a self-sustaining community and living completely separately from the rest of the world. She had to admit, the idea was beginning to appeal to her…

Then, she remembered, with her eyes, she could actually see the colony. She took off her sunglasses and focused on looking back, further and further, scrunching her eyes in concentration.

Unfortunately, before she could actually see the colony in action, she saw what Celestia did to it, and it just about made her vomit. She did not particularly need to know where the Timberwolves came from.

She didn't have the stomach to watch anymore, and focused back on the present. She leaned against a tree, panting.

It didn't seem like paradise anymore.

In the distance, she saw something moving, and just about had a heart attack. She calmed down a bit when she saw it was just a lost stallion.

She really needed to talk to someone. "Hey," she said. "Are you here for the colony too?"

He was silent, and started awkwardly fumbling towards her. It was a bit unsettling, especially since Ditzy could see just how close he came to tripping on nearly every part of the ground during the journey. The worst part was, she could see that whenever he fell over, he would stay there, futilely moving his legs like a turtle that had been flipped over. She wasn't sure exactly what was wrong with him, but she doubted alcohol alone could do that to someone.

"Are you okay?" she asked, nervous.

He started fumbling faster, more desperately. He had a look in his eyes that scared Ditzy to the bone. They were the eyes of small, helpless animal. They seemed too large, and contained no other emotion than fear. The sheer amount of desperation in his face was unlike anything Ditzy had seen. "A… ar… are… are…"

"What?"

The stallion jumped forward and grabbed her on the shoulders. She could see it coming, but she still could not get herself to move from that spot. He spoke in a voice that seemed to stay coherent with only the greatest effort. "Are you… my mother?"

Ditzy blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Mother?"

"What?"

"You left… mother."

"What are you talking about?"

"Are you… are…"

"Stop, get off!"

"Are you my mummy?"

"Stop it! Get away! There's a—!"

A knife flew through the air, jamming itself in the stallion's skull. He crumpled to the ground.

Ditzy collapsed.

She couldn't stop it. Dear Luna, she couldn't…

She tried to compose herself. She had seen worse. She looked at the corpse. She had seen worse.

Then, she turned to the source of the attack.

"Which is me," Wall Breaker said, leaning against a tree, smiling.

Ditzy was lost for words.

"Oh, don't get all 'lost for words' with me," he said. "Out with it."

She doubted her ability to get a comprehensible answer out of him, but decided to try her luck. "What… what was that?"

"A changeling. Look."

Ditzy looked over, and saw, in the place of the stallion, a small drone changeling with a knife in his head.

"Why didn't I…?"

"Sense he was a changeling? Who knows. The author probably wanted to limit your powers a bit. Can't have you be a total Mary Sue, after all." He appeared thoughtful. "Personally, though, I think it's too little too late, what with almost every person you've met being secretly in love with you…"

Ditzy took a deep breath. He was completely mental, yes, but he had a very high position and reflexes like the gods, so she had to deal with him. "Did you have to… kill him, though?"

"Oh, don't tell me you're a changeling sympathizer too."

Ditzy blinked. She didn't quite want to say "yes"…

Wall Breaker rolled his eyes. "Well trigger me pink, aren't you just so edgy and politically correct and all that crap? Anyway, don't worry. He's not dead."

"He's not?"

"Just watch." He edged over. "Oh, and thanks about the 'reflexes like the gods' thing, by the way."

Ditzy ignored that, and looked at the changeling. At first, it appeared nothing was happening, but when she looked at the scene closer, she could see the knife was slowly coming out of his head. She wondered how that was possible until the blade was almost completely out, and it was obvious that the changeling's skin was pushing it out. It was completely disgusting.

"Pretty cool, huh?" Wall Breaker said. "They're not immortal, but changelings can usually morph around lethal injuries to save themselves. Of course, if I stabbed him enough, I could kill him, but I'm not going to. You're going to need all the emotional strength you can get later this chapter."

The changeling regained consciousness, and immediately flew away.

"So why…"

"…did he harass you? Probably to enforce the… wait, changelings don't have a patriarchy, they're ruled by a queen. Nevermind!" Wall Breaker said. "No, seriously, though, ever since the changeling queen went missing, most the changeling drones have been a little wack. They do basically have a hive mind, you know. They're pretty much all useless by now."

"Changeling queen? Chrysalis? You mean Chrysalis is missing?"

Wall Breaker leaned right next to her ear. "I am being intentionally vague to avoid spoilers," he stage whispered. "This series does that constantly. It's like LOST, except there's actually a plan. Of course, most of it's red herrings."

"What?"

"If you're reading the crossover, take notes around here."

"What!?"

"Anyway, I've got to go to that place where characters go between scene breaks. I think it's somewhere near the comment box. I can always make out people complaining about Obama. And remember, for the scene after this: Cadance counts. Or is it Discord? Or the other Celestia?"

Ditzy just about had a heart attack. "The other what!?"

Wall Breaker shrugged. "Doesn't really matter, honestly. See you!"

And he ran off, laughing like a madman.

Ditzy shook her head. While talking to him was the most irritating thing she'd gone through in her life, he did seem to know something. She wondered if he had a similar power to hers. While most of what he said was complete gibberish, when he did say something lucid, it was almost too lucid, like he had some type of clairvoyance. And this clairvoyance seemed to manifest itself as… a delusion of being in a book, or something.

The fourth wall…

Ditzy shook her head. She couldn't let him get to her.

– – – –

Unsurprisingly, that night, Ditzy had trouble sleeping. Her mind kept going back to what happened at the colony. That changeling, hardly sentient… Wall Breaker… what was he trying to tell her? Cadance counts. Cadance counts. But apparently Discord and another Celestia had something to do with it. What did it mean?

While the idea of there being two Celestias scared Ditzy to the bone, she had to admit, after everything she had seen, it wouldn't exactly surprise her. Maybe she had backups in case her immortality failed or something?

And the Doctor seemed to react to hearing Cadance's name earlier. Did that have something to do with it?

Wall Breaker said that knowledge would be useful in the next "scene," but Ditzy had no idea what that meant, and if time worked anything like she thought it did, the act of telling her the future changed it.

As she drifted into unconsciousness, she became aware of a burning pain coming from her eyes…

– – – –

Ditzy was awoken by the sound of loud fireworks. She whipped out of bed, threw her sunglasses off, and looked out the window.

There was indeed a large fireworks show outside. It looked like it was coming from Canterlot, but she couldn't be completely sure, since the area was being warped by some giant temporal distortion…

Ditzy's eyes throbbed again, and she figured she needed to get a look at them. She ran into the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror.

Her eyes seemed mostly the same as before—except now, instead of 4 circles embedded in her pupils, there were 5.

What did they mean? What were there 4 of in the world? And what could increase that number to 5?

There was only one thing to do.

If it had anything to do with the celebration outside, she needed to find out what the celebration was for. She reached for her sunglasses, and headed for the door, but then… stopped.

The door the connected her room to the next room was ajar. Or, at least, it was ajar at some point in time.

And given how worried her unintentional roommate seemed to be…

She sighed, and decided to check up on him. Carefully, she opened the door, briefly wondering why there weren't locks on the things to begin with, and looked inside.

The room was completely and utterly empty, pristine, and squeaky clean.

She sighed in relief, but then paused. Her room wasn't even that clean, and she had just gotten it. Even if he just left, she doubted the cleaning staff was that good—or quick.

On a whim, she looked back into the past, saw a bunch of cleaning, and then…

Ditzy gasped. There they were. The same bouncers that threw that mare off the balcony had knocked this stallion out and carted him away on a platter as if he were food.

And if he had suddenly disappeared like that, maybe the Doctor…

Ditzy went outside, slowly following their trail like a tracking dog. People stared, but considering they had seen people exiting their rooms on leashes, it was by far not the strangest thing they had seen.

Then, Ditzy hit a wall. A dead end.

In the present, at least.

After hitting the wall in a few choice spots, a small passageway opened, and Ditzy entered.

Then, Ditzy realized a second too late that it wasn't really a passageway. It was a giant laundry chute.

At least, if by "laundry" you meant "people."

– – – –

After falling for about half a minute, just about breaking all her bones in the process, Ditzy fell out.

She had to admit, it was quite ingenious. There were so many sharp turns in the chute that even a pegasus would fall out quite injured. Luckily, she had her vision on her side, and managed to avoid the worst of the collisions.

Groggily, Ditzy spit out some dirt and looked around. She appeared to be in some kind of giant underground cave.

That was hot and musty.

And filled with gold.

Ditzy's heart fell.

At that moment, a large burst of flame lit up the entire room, and an absolutely huge dragon thrust her head out through the gold a couple feet away from Ditzy's face. The dragon smiled, revealing bloodstained teeth.

"Matilda," she said, tilting her head back, presumably introducing herself. "Charmed."

A vague screaming sound came from the dragon's jugular.

Ditzy winced, and stood there, shaking. Seeing that, for some incomprehensible reason, her future was fairly safe, she decided to speak. "So, is this where the casino takes people they don't like?"

"Oh, he was going to die of a heart attack in a couple minutes anyway," Matilda said, as if that answered anything. "It tastes better when they go down struggling." The dragon licked her lips. "Takes longer to digest."

Ditzy tried to pretend she didn't hear that. "And what about me?"

"Have you done anything to piss off this casino?"

Ditzy thought. "Other than find this place?"

"Yes."

"…not that I know of."

"Then I'm full and I don't have any business with you," Matilda said, turning around. "Exit's up the stairs."

Ditzy tried to compose herself. She could have left. Left and been completely safe.

But…

"Listen. Have you… seen a brown stallion?"

Matilda stopped.

"I'm looking for him. I… need him."

Matilda looked her in the eye again. She smiled. "And what if I have 'seen' him?"

Ditzy lurched. She couldn't see clearly if the Doctor had been in this place or not, but… she couldn't rule it out. If this dragon had eaten him…

Ditzy ground her hoof into the dirt. She could… no, but…

Matilda smiled, looking excited. "Are you thinking of ripping him out of my stomach?"

Ditzy hesitated. "I, er, well…"

Matilda laughed. "While that does sound like it would feel amazing," she said with a shiver the origins of which Ditzy didn't really want to consider, "I assure you I haven't seen him. If he's anything like you, I wouldn't have forgotten him."

"Like me?"

Matilda smiled, licking some of the blood off her teeth. "Come on," she said. "Look at you. Look at what you're seeing right now. And you aren't scared at all. Or, at least, it's a different kind of scared than everyone usually is." She paused. "You're scared at how little you're scared, aren't you?"

Ditzy stopped in her tracks. "No, I…" And yet…

"Trust me. Dragons didn't get to the top of the food chain for nothing," Matilda said. "We can tell these things."

Ditzy twitched.

"We can sense other predators."

It sounded ridiculous, yet… it…

"Look at you," Matilda said. "All this, and you're hardly trembling? And those eyes? Isn't it obvious?"

"M-My eyes?" Ditzy got out. "What do you know about my eyes!?"

"They're to kill," Matilda replied, "obviously."

Ditzy backed away. "No," she said. "No, it can't be."

"You have it in you," Matilda said, edging closer. "Just a little more power, a little less of those silly morals, and you could come close to God."

"God?"

"The one who raises the sun."

Ditzy was beyond words. Ponies hardly referred to Celestia with such reverence.

"The other races, particularly dragons, call ponies weak. But the truth is, Celestia's more of a dragon than any dragon could hope to be," Matilda said. "I've long since given up trying to aspire to anything other than my rightful place below her. It would be heresy to do otherwise. Not to mention suicide." She looked at Ditzy. "Tell me, when's the last time you've seen any of the other magical races? They're nearly extinct, aren't they?"

Ditzy was silent.

"I thought so. Of course, they'll never completely go out. Celestia wouldn't allow that. Sometimes she lays off for a bit. Lets them repopulate. Get cocky."

Ditzy hesitated. "And you think… I could become like that?"

Matilda shrugged, an odd move from such a large creature. "It's a possibility. Your power… is something else entirely," she said. "I know one thing. This friend of yours? The brown stallion? You said you needed him, don't you?"

Ditzy nodded.

Matilda glared. "No. You don't."

Ditzy tried to think of a way to prove her wrong.

"Face it," Matilda said. "With your power, you could change the world. I'm sure you'll come to a point where you could save it… or destroy it. And regardless… I won't object." She got even closer to Ditzy, her musty breath covering her. "In fact… I'm more than sure. I'll be taking orders from you one of these days."

Matilda laughed.

Ditzy quickly turned away and ran to the stairs.

– – – –

Ditzy left the encounter shaken, obviously. There was a secret passage that led back to the casino/hotel, and Ditzy haggardly climbed the stairs back up. Occasionally, an employee would look at her strangely, but they figured if she was leaving the cave at all, it must have been officially.

Finally, she reached the hotel part again, and set down the hallway towards her room. She thought.

So that's what that pillar in the center of the casino was for. So that's what those flames coming out of the building were. It was all her. It was all that dragon. They sacrificed people to her to keep the casino running.

How many places here worked like that? The whole world? Was the whole world like that?

It was too awful for words. And she still wasn't anywhere closer to finding the Doctor. She shook her head and opened her door, expecting to relax in her empty room.

Inside, she got, for the second time in her life, a very complete view of Spitfire's ass, which was about two more times than she needed. Her superpowered vision did not help with this. Ditzy was assaulted by visions of the various ways that Spitfire could choose to rub it in her face.

Also, the Doctor was under her.

"…," Ditzy said.

"I can explain," the Doctor got out. He paused. "Actually, no, I can't, really." He paused again. "She forced me."

"I made a whipping sound with my mouth and he folded instantly," Spitfire said as bustily as she could, even though she didn't have one. "I had to."

"…," Ditzy continued. She had many questions, but for the moment, she didn't particularly want any answers.

"Where were you? I thought Wall Breaker promised to distract you until I was done," Spitfire said, sounding a bit disappointed.

Ditzy tried to stay calm. "I saw… a dragon."

"Oh, Matilda? No wonder! She must've thought you were pretty hot stuff to let you out alive. Did you sleep with her?"

Ditzy opened and closed her mouth a few times. "…no."

"Good! All the more for me then. Today's just been great! Everything's back to normal again!" She got up and tried to kiss Ditzy, but Ditzy, with her eldritch eyes that let her see the secrets of space and time, basically managed to dodge. "You two have fun! He might be a bit tired, though."

With that, she sauntered out, Ditzy staring more than she would've liked. There was just something about the way Spitfire moved. It was the complete opposite of what Ditzy felt when she watched Sweetie Belle—Spitfire's motions seemed too in sync with the universe, but had a magnetic mesmerizing effect no matter how hard you tried to look away…

"Ditzy," the Doctor said, "I'm sorry, I just… she… I couldn't… she just reminded me so much of…"

As Ditzy watched the Doctor stammer, saw every variation of his impending breakdown, it hit her.

This was no longer the Doctor she knew. The universe could no longer rely on him to save anyone. This place had broken him. If he recovered, it would not be a matter of a couple weeks or months. It would be years. Centuries. He said he had lived for hundreds of years. Would he ever forget? Would he ever get his motivation back?

She couldn't wait that long. She needed to start investigating now, and start fixing things herself.

Maybe… Matilda was right.

She saw the Doctor's TARDIS key on the nightstand, grabbed it, and flew out as fast as she could.

– – – –

The Doctor wasn't quite sure how to react at first. Until now, no one had really taken his TARDIS key. No one had challenged him so openly before.

Then, the implications of what Ditzy must've been planning sunk in, and he ran, as fast as he could, as hard as he could. He didn't even know if he could stop her. He didn't care.

He had to run. It was the only option.

There was always a lot of running. That's what he always told his companions, at least. But, if she was successful…

He shook his head. He couldn't think of that.

After making a couple very unsafe leaps, he finally reached the ground floor and was able to sprint outside. There, in the distance, he could see it.

The TARDIS.

It was still there.

Good.

"Ditzy!" he screamed, running towards it. "Ditzy, you have to stop! You don't understand what you're doing!" He started slamming on the door. "Ditzy! Open up!"

He heard the TARDIS intercom click on. "Doctor."

The Doctor started laughing nervously. "Good, you're there," he said. "I was afraid you weren't. Now, come on, let me in, you can't fly that thing on your own…"

"I can see the flow of space-time. I think I can manage." Ditzy paused. "Listen… Doctor. Do you think it's hopeless to save people?"

"What?"

"Tell me."

The Doctor hesitated. "Well, of course not, it's always…"

"Then why!? Why did you say this world is hopeless!? You called it a prison. A sacrifice."

"They're two different things!" the Doctor said. "You can still save people, even without…"

"Motivation? Hope?"

The Doctor hesitated again. "…yes."

Ditzy paused, a long, meaningful pause. "You're wrong."

"What?"

"You can't. Not anymore. You're done."

"What!? Of course I—!"

"Then why haven't you tried the door?"

The Doctor froze. "What?"

The lock on the front door clicked.

"It was unlocked. The whole time. You… didn't even try." Ditzy started choking up. "You didn't even try!"

The Doctor stood there, agape.

A vague sound started emanating from inside the TARDIS. "It's time. I'm sorry." Ditzy paused. "Goodbye, Doctor."

The Doctor listened.

No.

It couldn't be.

He started banging on the door more frequently. "Ditzy! Ditzy! You can't leave me behind! I can't take it! I can't be in the same place this long! I've never done it! Not even when… not even when I had hope. I don't know if I can… Ditzy! Please! Take me with you! Even if it's just as… a prop, a subordinate, a… slave… I'll do anything. Ditzy, I'll do… I'll do anything…"

If Ditzy heard, she did nothing. The sound of the TARDIS engine grew louder, and the vehicle began to disappear.

"Dr. Do…"

When it was gone completely, he hit the ground.

He wept.

– – – –

Ditzy looked ahead, her face blank. The Doctor was in a sad state, but… she couldn't think about that. She had to focus on the big picture. She had to.

She still had a conscience, right?

She…

She turned around, and headed to the library. She needed a plan.

As soon as she faced the hallway, she saw something she most definitely did not expect to see in here.

"You were a terrible kisser, you know."

Comments

[Arxsys]

Ah troll and clickbait. *starts the coffee maker*

[DismantledAccount]

5771962
iambrony.dget.cc/mlp/gif/462654__safe_solo_animated_discord_season+4_spoiler-colon-s04_drama+in+the+comments_3d+glasses.gif

[bobbananaville]

I have quite a big problem with your fics. I thought it was causality, but upon reflection that might not be the word for it.
There's a lot of stuff happening. Lots of drama and emotions and Ditzy's life has been HEARTBREAKING (I fucking LOVE your Ditzy, btw). Twists and turns and gut-punches and betrayals all abound.
But then you look at characters like Wall-Breaker and Darkness.
Darkness is a character that, from the looks of it, exists to be random as all hell and then die in order to get Ditzy to meet Matilda. Perhaps the fact that she exists for one purpose is a plot point, a theme that might be repeated - the very meta nature of your series suggests that it might be - but as of now, I just saw someone come out of FUCKING nowhere, reveal that she survived the bouncers, give Ditzy a plot point then DIE. I do not know why any of this happened. There was no foreshadowing, no reason to believe any of this might happen, it just came out of nowhere.
Wall-Breaker, likewise, exists in order to point out that there's a fourth wall, and OH MY GOD HE CAN BREAK IT. And yes, this series is meta enough for me to not be fazed by this. But at the end of the day, all we see is him coming out of nowhere and breaking the fourth wall, then doing something he said he'd do. He'll probably come up later. Maybe there'll be a great reveal that'll blow my mind. But to make anything pertaining to this character effective, we have to be given reason to give a fuck. I might trust you to ease us in, but I've read your other stories. You haven't done shit - your modus operandi is to introduce us to a character, give him one, maybe two, defining traits (Rarity is a rapist! Scootaloo's immortal! Celestia's fucking loony!), leave him like that, then (if you're not lazy) give us some reveal now that we still barely give a toss about him. The only exceptions which I remember thus far have been Soarin (in Soarin's Folly - my favorite of your series, btw; the reveal there wasn't as important as the journey backwards towards it, and we really get to see Soarin as a character), Ditzy, Obama and Luna. MAYBE Twilight, though I'm going to reread Obama goes to Equestria to recall. I'm also looking forward to learning about Cadance-Doctor. The Doctor technically doesn't follow this trend either, but if I'm remembering right he was kind of flat for the entirety of his fic - his growth consisted of him getting the living shit kicked out of him and then becoming a sex slave after failing.

The only reason I care about the stupid plot twists you have for your various characters and the insane metawank bullshit is that it informs the characters that I care about (namely Ditzy and Obama, since Luna's become insane and I don't think Soarin's a character here).
I can't call this a trollfic. It's too good for a trollfic. Plot-wise, and in terms of the characterization of a few characters, your series is GOLD. I love it when I get to watch characters I love grow. I love it when something unexpected happens, and seeing how my favorite characters react to it. It's just that when you do your stupid gimmicks and meme humor (CHUCK NORRIS KICKED OBAMA INTO EQUESTRIA, AHMG MOLESTIA ABOUND!), I view it as detrimental to the story rather than a good thing. Which sucks, because it's almost a defining trait of your series.

That said, I love the overall plots you come up with enough that I like your stories despite their numerous flaws. And Soarin Falling is a beautiful, experimental work of art. And Lavender Unicorn was intriguing. And Luna's journey in Come With me Luna was genuinely horrific.

[a human]

5776913
I must say, I think that's one of the best reviews I've gotten for these stories. Not many people read them all, and even fewer talk about their problems in such detail. As I write, I'm going to try to address some of your criticisms. I'm not sure how well I'm going to do, but I will try.

Good characterization is something I consistently struggle with, and I'm trying to improve at it. I completely agree with you about Darkness—I was actually thinking of cutting her entirely, and I probably should have. As for everyone else—hopefully I can develop their characters more in this story.

Most of the characters you like are the ones I'm going to focus on. I'm surprised you got attached to Soarin and Obama, though. I felt like Obama was extremely dull through Obama Goes to Equestria, and Soarin's Folly was written extremely quickly. (I wrote a couple chapters just hours before publishing them. It's making me consider writing this story at a much faster pace, that's for sure.)

The memes and meta-nonsense are kind of here to stay, though. Sorry. That's just how my sense of humor works, and it would be quite awkward for me to try to write otherwise. I'm glad the serious parts are good enough to basically offset that, though. And if it's any consolation, this story's going to get quite serious. The stupid parts should at least be spaced out more. :p

Anyway, thank you for reading this far, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.