A Brief History of Equestria

by K9Thefirst1

Commander Hurricane

Commander Hurricane

We need to find, and if necessary, to conquer, a new land.

As the only stallion, Commander Hurricane already stands out among the six Founders. But while all of the others were born into the higher positions of their societies, Hurricane was actually among the lowest ranked pegasi of the Junta, due to both his sex and the position in the hierarchy his mother held.

Born 52 BW, Hurricane was the only foal of Staff Sergeant Star Saber. Hurricane is suspected to have had an abusive home life due to being born ‘the wrong sex,’ and thus unable to carry on the family name. If true, this may have affected his actions later on as an adult. As a stallion, there were very few options open to young Hurricane in terms of a career. With nothing to go to, Hurricane joined with the Celestine Army as a private. He would make a name for himself for countless acts of bravery in battle, leading charges that by all rights should have been suicidal, leading some historians to speculate as to whether or not Hurricane was a death seeker at this point of his life.

Or, he risked his neck for the accolades of the mares. Either way, by the time that Hurricane reached the rank of sergeant, he had a reputation not just on the field of battle, but in the bedroom as well. It was a common practice among the commanding officers of the Junta to take one or more of the stallions under their command as lovers during a tour of duty, either to reward the stallion for an especially brave day in battle, or because he caught her eye and she fancied an evening with him. Personal accounts and correspondence from Hurricane’s superiors suggests that the stallion was very attractive in his youth, such as in the excerpt below from when Hurricane was serving under Colonel May Showers in 36 BW.

‘Patrol had been especially hard yesterday, with no action at all and blisteringly cold winds that seemed to possess a life of their own and ration resupply being delayed until next week. Damn lazy inbred Earth Stompers. However dear sister, I have made a little discovery that made the prospect of spending another month circling the Celestine-Wilderness border much more pleasant. As I may have mentioned in my previous dispatches, Lt. Colonel Surprise has been going on and on about a sergeant named Hurricane, who proved to be a difficult conquest but one well worth the effort. Evidently he is rather unskilled in Hay-Roll maneuvers, but he has more than enough punch to get the job done.

‘Well my dear sister, it turns out that I have the good fortune to have him serving under me in my regiment. And my goodness, he is simply gorgeous. The smoldering look in his green eyes suggests a distant caution that can turn a pleasant variety of violence if properly worked. The effect is heightened by the way that his mane sets upon his brow. His muscles are thick and taut, and each group can be seen working underneath his skin like a wild animal in a wineskin. I have seen him run drills and exercises for three hours straight at full speed with only some dampness, suggesting a great deal of personal endurance. Finally, I personally performed an inspection of Hurricane’s platoon in the morning hours just before the wake up call. And I must say sister that the prospects are promising.’

So Hurricane was well admired by the mares. While true that ‘orders were orders,’ a stallion could still, on paper at least, have the option of declining an offer to bunk with the CO, though Hurricane never did. While two reasons why this was the case are obvious, another reason would be because of the potential benefits. If a “pillow stallion” got his CO pregnant, and that foal was born strong and healthy, the father could look forward to monetary bonuses and a small note of prestige. If the foal happened to be a filly, then the bonus would be double, and his name would be bumped up the list of stallions in line for a prospective promotion. And it is quite clear that Hurricane took every advantage of the loophole in the taking advantage stigma. A few years ago a team of mages and scientists on an academic lark did a study on the relations among the three races. And according to the data, every one in seven modern day pegasi in Equestria is in fact descended from Commander Hurricane.

And evidently all of that attention had an effect on Hurricane’s personality. By the time that he reached twenty, Hurricane’s perception had changed from the ‘Bad Colt,’ ‘Troubled but Cute,’ mystique, to being a seductive charmer, able to weaken the knees of any mare he desired to. Anecdotes abound of Hurricane sleeping with mares he met just hours before on his wit and personality alone.

Around this time, Hurricane was now a Captain stationed in Celestine, entrusted as bodyguard to the five Chiefs-of-Staff, the ponies who answered to nopony, but the Commander and her second.

At the time, the Chiefs were Generals Haymaker, Downdraft, Bridle Chomper, Torrent, and Wind Whistler. Evidently, either all five of the Chiefs chose the captain for a night or two, or Hurricane abused his skills, because in autumn of 32 BW, all five of the Chiefs were with foal, and naming Hurricane as the father. The leader of the time, Commander Sullamander, was outraged. Sullamander’s misandrony and alleged animosity for Hurricane aside, there was a strategic element behind her wrath. When an officer was pregnant, she was allowed the remaining time of her pregnancy off duty with pay, as well as six months maternity leave. Within a two month span, Hurricane had practically crippled the Celestine government. The following excerpt is from the minutes of the meeting where the Joint Chiefs announced the identity of their unborn children’s father. According to the story, Sullamander had lined up the Chiefs in a line in the meeting chamber and asked them the same question.

Cmdr S: Haymaker. Is it true? Did you sleep with Hurricane?

Gen. H: Commander-

Cmdr S: Just answer the question.

Gen. H: …Yes, commander.

Cmdr S: And you Wind Whistler? You too with Hurricane?

Gen. W: Yes commander.

Cmdr S: Torrent? Did you sleep with Hurricane?

Gen. T: Not… Slept, commander.

Cmdr S: Oh? Then on a bench or in an alley way perhaps, or some other place? Not slept. And you?

Gen. D: *nods*

Cmdr S: And you?

Gen. BC: *nods*

Cmdr S: *paces before the Chiefs* …IS THERE NO MARE IN CELESTINE THAT HAS NOT SLEPT WITH HURRICANE?! Take them out! I will decide what to do with them later! And bring me Hurricane!

In the end, Sullamander did nothing to her Joint Chiefs other than force them to serve during their pregnancies, albeit at much reduced hours and restricted duties. By the time of their fourth quarterlies they were allowed to stay home. As for Hurricane, Sullamander discharged him and sent him to the gladiatorial arena, hopefully to die in the games.

The Celestine Gladiatorial Games were the most unusual, and most brutal and horrifying, aspect of the Junta. The gladiators were all little more than glorified slaves, forced to fight both each other and various creatures, often to the death, for the entertainment of the spectators. Most days, the Commander herself would preside over the hoof-to-hoof combat between the gladiators to decide who would live or die. The modern image of the hoof up meaning life, and the hoof down being death is incorrect. No gladiator wanted to see the hoof up, because the choice was not whether the gladiator would live or die, but whether or not he would be allowed to be killed by the victor. Therefore, all gladiators who were defeated and facing the point of a sword wanted to see the commander put her hoof down.

However, by then Hurricane was so popular, it would be political suicide to allow him to be killed, being a gladiator, and thus a slave, every mare in Celestine was now his superior, whether free-born or a fellow slave, meaning that almost every mare in the Junta would have a vested interest in his survival. Not that the stallion would ever be put in such a situation. With his keen intellect, unwillingness to fight fair, and actual combat experience fighting Mongrel raiding parties, Hurricane was the only known gladiator to never have been defeated in the arena.

Other than a few stolen hours outside of the games, and abandoned by his lovers who did not wish to pay, Hurricane seemed doomed to a lonely life, only seeing daylight when out in the arena. However, he did have one spot of light from a surprising source: General Wind Whistler visited Hurricane almost every day during her leave, and when she gave birth, Wind Whistler bucked all social conventions in regards to the father having any say in how his children were raised, and actually asked Hurricane what she should name their daughter. From his experience below the cloud cover, as the story is told, Hurricane grew fond of a certain flower found on the surface. With the filly’s colors matching this flower, Hurricane suggested naming her after it. It is clear that Hurricane had heard the name perhaps a single time, because while he was obviously talking about the Posey, the name he suggested, and that Wind Whistler gave, was Pansy.

As the years passed and the temperatures began to fall, Sullamander’s nebulous popularity fell along with them, culminating in the Lake Trot Crisis, where Wind Whistler rallied two thirds of the Celestine Junta’s armed forces against her former superior, with Hurricane and most of his fellow gladiators by her side. Hurricane and the now 16 year-old Pansy were by Wind Whistler’s side when she gave her last words.

“Hurricane, lead our tribe. For Glory. For Honor. For Celestine. For our daughter.”

With these words, Wind Whistler named Hurricane, a stallion, as her second, and thus the appointed commander should she die in battle, until his own death or resignation. There was much controversy over this turn of events, and there would continue to be until the end of the Junta with the creation of Equestria. However, the overwhelming popularity of both Hurricane and Wind Whistler swamped all objections, making Hurricane the first, and only, stallion to bear the title of Commander of the Celestine Junta.

Even though he was now the highest ranked pony in the Junta, the death of Wind Whistler hit Hurricane hard; for days after the Crisis, Hurricane locked himself away in his new chambers in the Commander’s Barracks, allowing only his closest friends and Pansy inside. Fortunately he was able to overcome his grief quickly. And on the Summer Solstice of 16 BW, Hurricane, son of Staff Sergeant Star Saber, former gladiator, took his command and his commission as Commander of the Celestine Junta. At his coronation, Hurricane, now Commander Hurricane, made his first public speech, where he outlined his vision for the future, a future of equal opportunity for all pegasi, and a greater focus on self-sufficiency.

“For too long, pegasi with all the qualities and character to lead our tribe, were denied the chance to show their mettle. For too long, those who had merit, were ignored. My tribe! This cannot stand, if the Junta is to attain true greatness! Sullamander’s rule is proof enough of that! A stallion is not just cannon fodder and a seed stock! He is a warrior just as any one of you! Grant him the chance and he can be as noble, as brave, and as courageous as Celest and Silus! Therefore, I shall enact Executive Order Number 59584740, which states: ‘any pegasi that shows bravery in battle, keenness of mind, and loyalty to the Junta, regardless of sex, shall be allowed the chance to any position that he or she is eligible for.’

[…]

“And finally, regarding the food situation that started the recent crisis. My Tribe! It is clear that we are over extending our means! Therefore! We shall all work on finding other sources of food, contacting other Earth Ponies beyond that of the Hyracothirium Republic directly below.”

If any other commander in the history of the Junta suggested either of these proposals, she would have been torn apart, figuratively if not literally. But Hurricane banked on his popularity and the newness of his rule to be able to get by with it. And the minor political finagling worked, but just barely. The Executive Order died a slow death among his Joint Chiefs-of-Staff, who put so many restrictions, secondary requirements and exceptions to it, that in the end it little, if anything, by the time it was passed. Furthermore, these two policies, along with the fact that Hurricane was a stallion who only got his position by being General Wind Whistler’s lover, produced much civil unrest in the Junta, which would plague him for the rest of his rule.

Obviously Hurricane was not as great of a politician as he was a leader. However, unlike many of his predecessors who saw war, conquest, and intimidation as the only truly viable and useful tools of diplomacy, Hurricane detested the waste of the lives and efforts of the ponies under his command. Therefore, diplomacy was the first resort, resulting in Hurricane declaring pogroms the least number of times out of all the previous commanders. At first this may seem rather liberal and counter to the perception of the Commander in popular culture. And for the time period and his background it was. However, bear in mind that Hurricane was still a product of the Junta. Diplomacy was a part of his foreign policy, but it was not wasted much on perceived lost causes, such as in the event of food tributes from the Hyracothirium Republic being late or short of the requested amount.

Like many of his policies, this provided little popular support. However, in 13 BW, as the slow but steady drop in food production began to cause more tension between the three tribes, this policy struck pay dirt. A small enclave of ponies consisting of all three races was found by Celestine scouts along the western edge of the valley in a small canyon the locals called Dream Valley, who produced nearly a quarter of what the Earth Ponies in the Republic could produce, and much of that food was either stored or wasted as the population was too small to consume the amount of food produced. There was an immediate call to send out a detachment to enslave the small tribe to force them to grow food for the Junta and the Junta only. There was also talk of justifying the invasion as a ‘liberation of [the Junta’s] pegasi sisters.’

Maybe Hurricane knew that the other two tribes would see through the blatant ruse and invade as well for their own ends (thus resulting in the area being devastated and useless for food production), or perhaps he knew that any harm or death to the Dream Valley ponies would hurt both their food production and their perception of, and thus willingness to work with, their new masters, but in spite of the strong pressure to conquer the Dream Valley ponies, Hurricane instead instigated a diplomatic mission, with himself as the leader. For seven months Hurricane and the small unit of pegasi with him lived and negotiated with the Dream Valley Ponies, and by the time Commander Hurricane returned to Celestine in a grand parade, he had both a treaty for any and all extra food produced in Dream Valley and their farming knowledge in exchange for protection from the Junta, and every venereal disease known to pony medicine at the time.

‘After the celebration, the commander came to my office, desiring to speak with me, and that it would require my services and those of the pegasi I could bring in on short notice. I quickly gathered a nurse and my apprentice in the examining chambers. When the four of us were alone, the commander complained of burning sensations as he urinated as well as discharge and painful sores in the groin. The commander then unbuckled his uniform and disrobed.

‘Given the commander’s reputation, I had a good idea as to what exactly the issue at hoof was, and in all my years, I have seen everything an ill-advised night can produce. I just haven’t seen all of them at once on a single pegasus. At the sight of the much maligned condition of the Commander’s body, the nurse instantly passed out and my apprentice ran out of the room to the lavatory, where a wet retching sound was heard. The commander and I looked at each other for a few moments. The commander then began to laugh, and after a moment I could not help but join in.’

-Set Bone, personal physician to the Commander

There is no other record to what happened, but within days of Hurricane’s return a request was made to the Kingdom of Unicorns for their best healers. Among the few that actually answered the call was Star-Swirl the Bearded. No document mentions who or what they treated, and any of the unicorns that went refused to acknowledge the question. Only Star-Swirl actually replied, and that was only with, as Clover the Clever writes, ‘a much hearty laugh that lasted a good three minutes.’ However, given all of the circumstances, the consensus amongst historians is that they were treating Hurricane and his diseased taint.

While the trade agreement with Dream Valley certainly helped the food situation in the Junta, it did not halt the rising tensions the dropping temperatures caused. Finally it was decided that the River Valley would be abandoned for a new, virgin land, leading to the Great Warming.

After the Warming and the creation of Equestria, Hurricane retired from both political and military life, taking an interest in farm work, starting a little estate not too far north from modern day Canterlot, where he grew various fruits and vegetables and raised pigs and dairy cows. He called his little refuge The Hideaway, and the entire estate from the land to the Mansion and the servants quarters are all preserved to the state they were in at the time of the Commander’s death.

Even though he had retired from public service, he didn’t retire from public life. Whenever he could break away from the Hideaway, Hurricane could be seen amongst the ponies of the infant Equestria, attending parties and talking with everypony that came up to him. Those who were closest to him could tell that there was a small change in the Commander. Now that he was relieved of his duties as a leader, unstressed with the problems of providing basic supplies to his subjects, Hurricane proved to be even more personable than ever before. As his exploits with the mares became known beyond the former Junta, young stallions flocked to him, begging for pearls of wisdom. Among them was his son by Colonel May Showers, Shadowed Glory, who Hurricane had a near constant correspondence with for years. After Hurricane’s death, many of their letters were published, showing a softer side to the Commander than most ponies think of him possessing.

Among the more interesting aspects of Hurricane’s Post-Warming life would be his relationships with the Unicorn Founders. For years many suspected a marriage between Hurricane and Princess Platinum, a union that would set the stage for a new monarchy for the new nation. However, while Hurricane doubtlessly flirted with her from time to time, neither of the two ponies were interested in such a relationship, satisfied with just being good friends.

‘The Princess is a charming lady, whom I have found to have much in common with. However, those things we share are best cherished when engaging in conversation about those we mutually despise, rather than in the script of courtship. Talking with the Princess is much like when chatting with my old friends from the barracks: A good time and a jolly laugh are often had, but little more than that.’

‘The Commander is a brute and a boorish fellow Clover, which compared to the shallow snobbery of the Court is like a breath of fresh air after months spent in a cave. However, much like a fine wine, too much of it would be adverse to my health. Besides, if anypony can tie down that brute, I dare say that it will be you. You may not care for the idea, but anypony with two working eyes can tell that you have him much smitten and besotted, and in a way no other mare I have seen him interacting with.’

This candid excerpt from Princess Platinum’s letters also clues in to the early stages of one of history’s great love stories, between the Pegasus Commander Hurricane and the Common Born Court Mage Clover the Clever. By the time of the Warming, Hurricane was almost fifty and the oldest of the Founders, and Clover was barely over the hump of sixteen and was the youngest. Much speculation has been made over what the Commander saw in Clover. Maybe it was her plain and objective view of the world, a sentiment that appealed to Hurricane’s low-born soldier mentality. Or perhaps he was feeling his age and courting a young thing like Clover made him feel young again. But whatever the specifics, the one facet all are agreed on was simply the fact that Clover presented a challenge.

Both from Clover the Clever’s extensive diaries and contemporary anecdotes, we know that Hurricane and Clover’s early relationship was rocky at best, often devolving into glorified sniping fests that provided as much entertainment for those watching as they did for the Commander. And considering Clover’s high intelligence, it is probable that Hurricane’s ability to engage her in debate and thinly-veiled insult-filled conversation and hold his own with her impressed her if nothing else. For example, this memorable exchange is alleged to have taken place at the two-year anniversary of the Warming. As the story goes, Hurricane made a blatant pass at Clover, to which she retorted:

"Sir, to say that any sort of time spent alone with you is a privaledge is like saying the same to an Ox: He is thankful for the honor, but he would very much desire that which was taken returned."

Without missing a beat, Hurricane is told to have said:

"Why my dear Clover! I had no idea you had them to begin with!"

While the exact details are foggy at best, it is clear that eventually the Commander would eventually managedto win the advisor’s heart, because in 10 AW they were wed, and in 11 AW they celebrated the birth of their child Twinkle. A filly that was surprisingly large and healthy for being born five months premature.

Hurricane and Clover would have two other children, the youngest and most famous being Lieutenant-Major Star Burst, famed for the defense of Friendship Cavern during the Talonhoof Assault.

But the Commander did not ignore the Earth Pony friends he had made during the Warming. Hurricane would also maintain a strong friendship with Smart Cookie, helping her transition from being just a secretary to the first Premier of the Republic. In her later life, Smart Cookie would credit the Commander with teaching her how to delegate the momentous duties expected of her to others who served below her, something she had little previous need to do, as she was used to being the one being delegated to. And considering the number of issues that plagued the early Republic as it was organized, this would have been a massive blessing.

As for Puddinghead, Hurricane would always be cordial, but it is worth noting that while he at least made passes at the other Founders, it was Puddinghead that he made no such attempt at. The following excerpt from a letter to Shadowed Glory explains why.

“My boy, it is well known that I love all mares. However, while I am a lecher, I am not a moron. You just don’t stick it in the crazy. Heed my advice son, gained from keen observation: It never ends well.”

And while he was a less than stellar politician, Hurricane was nothing if not a well respected and admired figure amongst the pegasi, especially the rank and file. During the debates surrounding what form of government the fledgling Equestria would have, it was Hurricane who would push the hardest to persuade the pegasi that a democratic government would be the ideal form to take; many historians speculate that a motivation for this, at least in part, was as a grand gesture to Clover, who was also pushing for democracy.

As the years passed, Hurricane would continue to socialize with his fellow ponies when he could get away from the Hideaway, and remained active in the maintenance of the farm well into his eighties. However, the winter of 48 AW was mild and wet, and the Commander contracted a chest cold that he never quite recovered from, even with the help of the best healers in the Republic. In the autumn of 50 AW, at the age of 98 years and 297 days, Hurricane died at the Hideaway, surrounded by all his surviving children, his friends and Clover, his wife of forty years.

A national day of mourning was declared, and Hurricane was given every honor at his burial from not just the Pegasi, but the Earth Ponies and the Unicorns as well.

Born to a lowly officer as the wrong sex in the strongly militaristic and matriarchal Celestine Junta, Hurricane beat all the odds, rising into the ranks as relentlessly as the morning sun, shattering every social norm that stood in his way. He hated, he loved, and he struggled, standing firm to his principals for all of his life.

Comments

[K9Thefirst1]

As the anecdote goes, at the naming ceremony for Twinkle, Platinum is believed to have told Clover “at long last, you can know the pain of screams echoing down the halls late into the night.”

So yeah, I don't really know how to convert Pony Years to Human Years, so I didn't even bother. So from here on out, when you see an age placed in relation to a pony, that's how old the pony would be if said pony was human.

Now for Hurricane. Obviously, he's a mix-and-match of different Historical Figures. First off: Julius Caeser (being banished from his home by a despot [Sullamander taking her name from Sulla, the warlord that more or less ruled Rome before the Triumphirate]). Next, both Ben Franklin (diseased after a diplomatic mission) and Ghangis Khan (having enough decendants to justify being called their own ethnic group). And some Andrew Jackson (his loyal love to his wife, the Hideaway/Hermitage).

Next up, Private Pansy!

[K9Thefirst1]

607718

Oh ye of little faith.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

Nice biography on Commander Hurricane, intresting to know that early on he had so many INTRESTING relationships with his fellow Pegasi.

I never would've guessed that Private Pansy would be his own daugther, if the play is anything to go by he wasn't exactly the greatest father to her.

[RK_Striker_JK_5]

I love Hurricane. You made him so... deep. And a bit of a player, too.

[Derpmind]

That was ridiculously impressive.

[Tay the Chemist]

I'm going to admit, I don't get Hurricane's line to Clover, "I had no idea you had them to begin with". I know there's the rule about 'don't explain the joke' but I need to know.

[ZarPaulek]

I'm going to guess that comment about Twinkle being "surprisingly large and healthy for a filly born five months premature" was a subtle suggestion that Hurricane and Clover had been up to something long before their wedding.

[K9Thefirst1]

1463164 You know... You're the first person to realize that.

Congratulations! Have a vertual cookie and a moustache!

[Walt2012]

::LOL:: Love the I, Claudius reference. Well done!

[Xuncu]

"and every venereal disease known to pony medicine at the time"
BWAH HAH HAH HAH! XDDD

[Midnight Rambler]

How long ago did the Warming take place? It's at least a thousand-and-something years ago, considering the whole Nightmare Moon thing. Which means the sheer level of detail in which Hurricane's life is known completely shatters suspension of disbelief, I'm afraid. It's about as plausible as modern-day human historians knowing all about Charlemagne's private life, including candid details that would have been sanitised out of any official histories.

This story is a very good read so far, but this is a pretty big flaw, IMO.

[FreedomFiend]

To the Author; I sense a preferred shipping.

2486627
I don't really see the problem. We have historical accounts of key individuals going back more than 1,500 years that are surprisingly accurate. Not to mention that ponies may have a way of preserving historical information far superior to ours.

[bitbrony]

Typo: "eventually managedto win" needs another space in there.

[Auburn Arc]

A fantastic and thoroughly engaging read. Absolutely loved the level of detail and overall plausibility of everything.

Well done indeed!

[Afalstein]

Ha! Hilarious comment on Chancellor Puddinghead. Also some more funny bits here and there about Hurricane's philandering. Didn't see the romance between him and Clover, but a fun idea, particularly as you present it here.

[LordSpur]

What a literal BAMF! Definitely got an Old Hickory vibe from this guy.

[Werevampiwolf]

He reminds me of Empress Theodora of Byzantine. She was a actress/prostitute, and she became Empress (her husband deferred judgement to her) and she created laws to decrease sexism. Also, I love this story! It's one of the best fics I've read (I've read it several times before now)

[Vexd]

Good read so far, but I'm kinda curious, what made Hurricane bond so readily to Wind Whistler? Was she the only one that brought their kid for him to see? Was there some extra chemistry they had that the reader didn't get to see? Mix of both?

To add to that, did he ever interact with his other kids after his retirement besides Pansy and Shadowed Glory?

[ShadowLDrago]

“My boy, it is well known that I love all mares. However, while I am a lecher, I am not a moron. You just don’t stick it in the crazy. Heed my advice son, gained from keen observation: It never ends well.”

BWA HAHAHAHAHAAA! Goddamit this guy is hilarious!

[somercet]

However, the winter of 48 AW was mild and wet, and the Commander contracted a chest cold that he never quite recovered from, even with the help of the best healers in the Republic.

George Washington. /wipes tear

[remnants]

You know, I'm rereading this, and I'm surprise still nobosdy has linked to a youtube vid of that I, Claudius reference

[Carnation83]

Cool, a "1776" shout out!