Exploring Equestria

by A_guy_from_Earth

24. Some Little Pranks

“Okay, folks, that’s all for today!” Spike said to ponies who gathered in the hall. “No more appointments for today!”

Groans of discontent came from the crowd. But little dragon was right: it was seven o’clock in the evening, and princess of friendship was a pony too, she needed her rest. They sighed with regret and went to the exit.

“Phew!” Twilight breathed with relief when Edez and Kor closed the doors after the last petitioner. “Finally! Being a princess is so exhausting sometimes!”
“Well, that’s what you get for being a royalty!” Spike grinned.
“I guess you are right…”

Suddenly someone knocked the door. Twilight groaned, but before she did anything, her assistant said “I’ll deal with it!” and ran to the door.

“Appointments are over for…” he was about to say to the late petitioner, but then he saw who this “petitioner” was and exclaimed:

“Princess Luna!”

Edez and Kor hurried to open the door, and princess of the night proudly stepped into the hall.

“Good evening, princess Luna! What brings you here?” surprised Twilight said.
“Greetings, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna responded. “We apologize for the late visit, but it is of utmost importance. We require help of your guard Zicht and artisan Allegro.”
“Us?” Zet’rar and Max jumped from the receptionist corner when they heard their names.
“Yes,” princess confirmed.
“Pardon me, princess, but… why?” Twilight asked.
“To solve several personal issues. Mister Zicht and mister Allegro have the very talents we need for the solution.”
“Oh…”
“It is not for long: we promise that your guard and artisan will come back before the next night.”
“Well… I suppose they can go, since the main working time is over,” Twilight said and turned to Max and Zet’rar. “You can go with princess Luna now, right?”

Technician and biologist looked at Edez out of the corners of their eyes and saw that curator gives a nod. Then they looked at princesses and shrugged, like saying “Do we have any options?”

“Wonderful!” Luna smiled. “Mister Allegro, mister Zicht, come with us!”

She trotted to the entrance and researchers followed her.

“Oh, one more thing!” Luna suddenly said, stopped and looked at Edez.

She approached him and… gave him a slap in the face. A very strong slap – Edez barely managed not to fell down because of it.

Everyone gasped. Shocked Edez, rubbing his red cheek, exclaimed in surprised and, at the same time, frightened voice “Your Highness, why?”

“That’s for our sister!” Luna hissed with weak but noticeable anger.
“Pardon me, princess, but what harm he has done?” Kor asked.
“Thanks to your friend our sister now walks around in T-shirt with the inscription ‘Normal ponies wake up in the morning, I rise from the oblivion’ and annoys everyone!”

Several thuds came right after this. These were other researchers and Spike falling on the floor because of laughter. And Twilight… She was so startled it was painful to look at her. Her picture of the world was hit by a huge battering ram and got serious – and probably irreparable – damages.

“Okay, we don’t have so much time! Let’s go!” Luna said, goading Zet’rar and Max.

Researchers stopped to laugh, stood up and hurried up. They left the Castle, and Luna began to get ready for long-distance teleportation.

In a second before disappearance in a flash Max and Allegro heard Twilight screaming in the hall “You did what to my teacher???”

A moment later princess and researchers materialized on the balcony of Observatory Tower of the palace. Luna gracefully shook herself – after major teleportations mane and fur often become quite a mess – turned to researchers and gasped: Max and Zet’rar looked like they had spent whole day on a centrifuge which was set on fire.

“Oh my!” alicorn exclaimed. “Please, forgive me! I didn’t know that it will affect you so much!”
“Pls, dn’t wrry, Yer Highness…” Max muttered, trying to stand up straight.
“Ye, we jst aren’t used to travl by tleportation…” Zet’rar added.

After a couple of minutes researchers finally managed to recover.

“Phew! That was some shaking up!” Max spelled. “Well, can you tell why asked us to come, Your Highness?”

For some reason Luna suddenly blushed.

“Err… princess?”
“Well… You see… The matter is… Ugh!” she groaned and covered her face with her hooves. “This is so awkward…”
“…awkward?” researchers got puzzled.
“What do you mean?” Zet’rar wondered.
“The reason I asked you to come with me is to gain an advantage in a competition with my sister,” Luna finally confessed.
“What competition, Your Highness?”
“Whose prank is the best.”

Researchers got totally dumbfounded. They stared at blushing princess Luna, who hid her eyes behind her mane and wings, without a word for a minute. Then they looked at each other.

“De grootste die hebben hun eigen grillen,” Max finally said, shrugging.
“Sì,” Zet’rar gave a nod.
“You are right,” Luna said, sobbing a bit.
“Huh?” researchers surprised.
“You know Bloemlandian and Giardinian?” exclaimed Max.
“Both me and my sister know all major Europonian and Eastern Kingdoms’ languages,” princess answered. “Since usually we are the main negotiators, we have to.”
“Oh…”
“Um, pardon me, Your Highness, but can I ask you a question?” Zet’rar said.
“Yes?”
“When you came to the Castle of Friendship, you referred to yourself as “we”, and now you suddenly stopped it. Why?”
“Well, let’s say I have to maintain the reputation I got.”
“I see…”
“Come in!” princess waved her hoof. “I’ll explain everything in detail to you in the observatory.”

They proceeded to the main hall of the Tower. There, in cozy atmosphere of old-time observatory, where space flights seems to be just dreams of distant future, among telescopes, armillas, astrographs, ancient manuscripts and scrolls, maps and catalogs, they discussed the aim of arrival and the agenda.

“I… understand why you began to compete,” Zet’rar said when Luna finished the explanation. “But… why us? I bet there are a lot of good candidates among your guards, Your Highness!”
“Yes,” Max gave a nod.
“Indeed, there are many talented stallions and mares among the night guard,” Luna said, “and many of them would be very happy to get even with day guards for what they did or even with Celestia herself, but there is one little problem. All night guards are thestrals, and thestrals have… quite distinctive look. And, thus, they are easily recognizable. If they do something not in the darkness, soon all day guards will know who it was, and my subjects may have problems.”
“So you called us to take the rap for them?” researchers thought.

However, they said something completely different.

“Um, Your Highness, I afraid we have even more distinctive look than your guards,” Max said, pointing to his scars and Zet’rar’s hump.
“Well, yeah,” Luna squirmed, “but no one among day guards know you!”
“Well, some of them were with you when you came to check us after when princess Twilight hired us,” Zet’rar said.
“Oh, I bet they completely forgot about it!” princess waved. “You will look like some ponies from forgotten mining town from back of beyond!”
“Really? Is it even a common feature among some those ponies?”
“Well, speaking about scars, absolute majority of ponies at such places have them. And they even are proud of this!”
“Oh…”
“But, still,” Max broke in, “why us?”
“Because you are one of the most talented,” Luna answered. “I know how you solved the buffalo’s problem in Appleloosa and I know what you did on that magic show, Discord told me. And I made my conclusions. Zicht, you are master of scary, and you, Allegro, are the master of funny. Working together we can achieve great results!”

Researchers got quite surprised after what she said. And a bit confused: in fact, princess Luna herself have just complimented them.

“So, are you with me?” Luna asked.

Zet’rar and Max looked at each other and then turned to alicorn.

“Yes, Your Highness!”
“That’s a fighting spirit!” Luna smiled. “Oh, and for the future, call me just ‘princess’, it’ll be much easier. Or even ‘Luna’, I wouldn’t mind.”
“Err… as you say,” confused Max spelled.
“Beh, questo intensificato rapidamente,” Zet’rar said.
“O si!” Luna responded.

They left the Observatory and went to the central part of the palace.

“So, how many ponies do you want to prank, princess?” Max asked.
“Not so many,” she responded. “In fact, there are only five groups of day guards who did most of the pranks on my subjects. I want to take revenge on them. Luckily, they all patrol the palace tonight and I know where they are.”
“Well, lead us, princess!”

Luna and researchers descended from the highest tower to the “stylobate” of the palace, where almost all service spaces, utility rooms, storerooms and staff offices were situated. There was their first aim – a group of two white unicorn guards, tall and short ones, and one white pegasus, patrolling the long hallway that joined offices of castlekeepers. Princess used the invisibility spell, so they could look around without being noticed.

They were in long, curving, dark corridor with many doors, small windows and very low amount of furniture and decorations. The space for action seemed to be small, but Max saw a great possibility. He gave his friend and princess a sign and they hid in one of the offices before guards arrived.

“You have a plan?” Luna asked.
“Oh yes!” Max smiled. “Just one question: can you create a… well… some kind of space behind a mirror surface, princess?”
“Yes, such spell is not so difficult… Wait, what are you planning to do?”
“Oh, you’ll see these white guys turning pale, I swear!” researcher grinned like a villain and looked at his friend. “Okay, Al, punch me in the face!”
“Err… what? Why?” Zet’rar was surprised. Princess Luna was too.
“You know, a strong punch may cause my scars to open again. And with blood on my body I’ll look much scarier!”
“Can we use a spell or, at least, some kind of substitute?” shocked Luna said.
“Everything for the realism, princess!”
“Em, Zicht, won’t you…” Zet’rar was about to ask.
“Yep, it’ll be painful, but I get over this soon. So, come on, do it!”
“Okay,” said technician and punched Max in the face with all his might. Luna, for her own surprise, noted that for a humpbacked one Zet’rar was very fast and strong.

Max fell down like a rag doll and for some seconds looked completely lifeless. However, soon he stood up. Zet’rar and Luna shuddered when they saw him.

“You look awful,” technician said.
“Indeed,” alicorn gave a nod.
“Perfect!” physiologist grinned. “Okay, princess, do the spell!”

Luna gulped and started to cast it. Her horn glowed, and soon the same aura appeared around Max. In ten seconds magic warped his body and… he appeared behind a mirror in the hallway!

Perfect! Now the only thing he has to do is to wait.

Soon three day guards appeared from behind a corner. They actively talked about their own guys’ business, but at the same time they all looked quite tired and sleepy.

“Well, let’s shake them up!” Max thought and began to act.

Suddenly guards heard a thud.

“What was that?” pegasus exclaimed.
“I… don’t know,” short unicorn spelled quietly.
“It sounded like somepony hit something…” tall unicorn added.

The thud repeated.

“Again!” short unicorn exclaimed.
“Strange…” pegasus spelled.
“What’s strange?”
“This thud… it sounded like somepony knocked on glass!”

Guards looked on the windows, but there was no one in them – only remote lights of the city shone below. They gulped and looked at the other glass things in the hallway, mirrors. And right at this moment the thud repeated again, and one of the mirrors twitched.

“You saw that?” pegasus exclaimed.
“What the… No, it can’t be!” short unicorn said. “All these mirrors are not magical!”

Something invisible hit the mirror again, but now it was a series of strokes.

“A-a-y tell you something tries to get out from there!” short unicorn exclaimed.
“Nonsense!” tall one said. “Probably it’s just a trick. Let’s find out!”

They stepped closer. The mirror didn’t stop to shudder while they were approaching. Pegasus and short unicorn felt that the closer they get the weaker in their knees they become.

“Alright, prankster, let’s…” tall unicorn said, standing just in few steps from the mirror, when something really scary happened.

The mirror turned black and its surface crackled.

Guards froze in shock and fear. Meanwhile monster from behind the mirror, like feeling that escape is near, roared and started to smash harder. Crackles began to spread quickly. Soon guards saw the monster in the darkness. He has hooves, and these hooves were covered in blood.

Pegasus and unicorns were completely paralyzed. The fear was so strong they couldn’t even scream. But the scariest thing was only about to happen.

The monster hit the mirror the last time, and it fell apart. Monster growled, feeling freedom, and rushed forward. Now guards could see that it is a stallion, but with terrible wounds and soaked in blood. His eyes were eyes of a psycho, and he growled like a mad wolverine. It was a true beast in a body of pony.

That was the limit of scary. Guards got frightened so much they finally overcame the paralysis, screamed and run away with a rocket speed – only clouds of dust remained behind.

“That was really impressive,” Luna said, leaving the hiding room.
“Thank you, princess.”
“But it was creepy as Tartarus too.”
“So, what’s next?” Zet’rar asked.
“There is another patrol in the wing of ministers’ offices, four floors above us.”
“Well, Al, now it is up to you. I need some time for the full recovering,” Max said.
“Okay.”

Luna teleported everyone to the place and technician began the preparation for the prank.

Now everything was way simpler, but, as it turned out, also super effective. A group of unicorn guards walked down a richly decorated hallway, when one stallion said:

“Hey, I don’t remember this bust!”

The hallways of the ministers’ offices wings were full of sculptures or paintings of famous political figures of the past. There were hundreds of them placed along the corridors, but guards remembered them all – if you work in castle, you have to; besides, walking past them every second week you’ll remember them even if you don’t want to. Other guards looked at the suspicious sculpture and agreed that it was something strange in it. This ancient politician was too shaggy for a high society stallion that lived centuries ago.

Guards came closer, intending to explore the bust, when the statue turned to them and with a face of happy maniac exclaimed:

“Duuuuuuuuuudeeess!”

Unicorns, who, obviously, did not expect this, screamed in fear and soon disappeared with frightened neighing and some obscene exclamations.

“Brilliant. Just brilliant,” Luna said, removing the invisibility spell.
“Thank you, princess,” Zet’rar bowed when he got out from the fake plinth. “Are you fine?” he asked Max.
“Yes.”
“Move on then!” Luna smiled and teleported researchers to the next place.

Now it was the surroundings of the royal kitchen. It was perfect place for a prank, but there was one little problem: all guards in this patrol were mares.

“Damn,” Zet’rar muttered.
“What’s the matter?” princess wondered.
“Well, these guards are mares, and we just can’t prank girls as we pranked those guys before!”
“Oh…”
“They are quite a gentlecolts…” Luna thought and said “Okay, what do you suggest?”
“I have an idea, princess,” Max said.
“Yes?”
“What do you think of absurd humor?”

In a couple minutes later girls-guards heard a clanging sound. It was like somebody occasionally hit some pans, and it seemed to happen in the nearest kitchen. It was suspicious: usually all kitchens are closed at such hour, and because of the spells there are no pests in the castle. Maybe some servant decided to have a midnight snack? Probably. But, still, they have to check it out.

So girls went to the kitchen. The leader of the group opened the door with her magic and…

What they saw there raped their picture of the world and common sense with no mercy and then kicked them like an enraged bull.

They saw a stallion sitting at the desk. Usually it is very typical sight, but now the desk and the chair were put on an oven. The oven was on, thus, some parts of furniture were already on fire. But this didn’t bother the stallion who kept the most serious face. With his scars it made him especially brutal. The fact that he was dressed in a business suit and a bridal veil made the whole picture even more surreal.

Guards stared at him dumbfoundedly. Meanwhile the stallion cleaned his throat and said “And now for something completely different!” and pointed at one of the tables aside from him. Guards turned there and saw princess Luna dressed in some kind of mix of chef and coach suits fiercely whistling and scolding Zet’rar who was in dozen layers of lather already. And the reason why she yelled at him was that he… was making an omelet in a wrong way!

“You’ve set the temperature too high! Lower it! Lower!!! Nooo!!! Now it’s too low! Increase it! Increase it dammit!!! Good! Stop!!! Nom mix the eggs! Mix them properly! Properly I said!!! Now salt! Noooo!!! That is too much!”

…and so on.

Girls-guards without a word looked at this for a minute, then, still silently, closed the door and went away with empty expressions.

Luna and Zet’rar immediately stopped. Max jumped from the desk – just right before it got completely covered with fire – and princess extinguished the furniture.

“Well, that was interesting one,” she finally said. “But I’m worrying for mental health of these girls…”
“Don’t be afraid, princess!” Max responded. “Yes, they were shocked, but it would not affect them so much! In fact, I think they will completely forget what they have seen here in a few minutes!”
“You think so?”
“It’s one of the greatest mind tricks. If you see something so weird that it just can’t be explained, your brain will erase this memory in order to protect itself from mental damages.”
“It is really effective method!” Zet’rar added.

Indeed, absurd actions were one of the most reliable methods that the more developed civilizations used when they visited their “brothers in mind” who haven’t discovered technologies of interstellar flights yet. When someone noticed the expeditionists, they started to do weird things. And it worked! People forgot what they have seen, and even if they didn’t… Well, who will believe you if you say that you saw an insectoid alien milking your cow with his lower arms and playing banjo with his upper ones? Only psychiatrists, who will surely send you to a room with soft walls.

“I see… Great!” alicorn smiled, but then, suddenly, she shuddered a little like after shock. “Da… donuts!” she muttered.
“What’s wrong?” researchers worried.
“The last two groups patrol the living quarters and guest rooms,” Luna said. “But I completely forgot to consider other groups there!”
“Other groups?”
“Yes. There are fourteen other groups of guards patrolling those wings. We might get noticed.”
“Yep, it is a problem,” Zet’rar muttered.
“Hmm… Agree, but there is a way out!” Max said.
“What is it?”
“The same method we used for the last prank.”
“Are you sure?” Luna was surprised.
“I’m pretty sure, princess. We just have to do it quickly.”
“Well… okay!”

And then princess teleported herself and researchers to the next target. She aimed to the place where prank victims would not notice them, but, as it turned out, it wasn’t the best choice: when they finally materialized, they saw four shadows of another group of guards approaching them from the side corridor.

“Oh c… What now?” Luna nervously whispered.
“Err… A-ha!” Zet’rar raised a hoof. “Max – you’ll be a MC, I’ll be a DJ, and you, princess, will be a backup dancer.”
“Got it!” Max said.
“Backup dancer?” alicorn resented.
“We don’t have time for arguing! Just listen to the rhythm and dance!”

Luna growled but muttered barely audible “Okay.” Meanwhile guards were about to turn into the corridor. Researchers began to act and…

When the patrolling group went in the corridor, they saw something what was very hard to explain. Princess of the night together with two random stallions was partying hard in the middle of a corridor in pale moonlight. Taller stallion set the rhythm, singing in deep brutal voice:

“…Dup dep dup ta da dup tup tup! Ta pup dep dup ta da dup tup tup! Sofia, Sofia, I like it loud! Sofia, Sofia, I like it loud! Sofia, Sofia, I like it LOUD!!!…”* and so on.

Meanwhile shorter stallion was beatboxing – it sounded so incompatible, but it was what he did – techno. And he did it excellently! And princess Luna… She was dancing like a party animal. She shook and spun her head so intensively that her full of stars mane spired, forming a whole galaxy. Because of powerful “moonquake” the same happened with her tail.

Guards with no words left in ten seconds – they sensibly decided that watching this for longer period of time would be fatal for their minds. Even what they had already seen had huge effect – their memory for the last two hour was completely wiped out.

“I must admit, it really incredibly effective!” Luna said when the last shadow disappeared.
“Thank you, princess,” Zet’rar bowed.
“Your dance was amazing!” Max added.
“Thanks,” princess responded. “You were wonderful too! Allegro, you have incredible vocal abilities. And you, Zicht… you have the very voice for a rave music.”
“Uh, thank you…” surprised Max spelled. Zet’rar was flabbergasted too. They couldn’t even imagine that diarchs, the elders of this world, may listen something like this.
“Okay, moving on!” Luna commanded and researchers followed her.

Moving on tiphooves, they started to sneak to the next target. They successfully got past two other groups without letting them to notice anything, but when only two turns of the corridors remained between them and the target, princess suddenly ordered researchers to stop. She concentrated, and her horn enlightened.

“What happened?” Zet’rar wondered.

A sinister smile was the princess’ answer.

“Excellent!’ she spelled.
“Err… Your Highness?” researchers got worried because of such expression of hers.
“What? Oh, my apologies… You see, I’ve just sensed that our next victims went to check the Rosewood Apartments. This place is known to be haunted among ponies that live or work in the castle. Of course, it’s just a myth, but many ponies do believe in it.”
“Oh…”
“You know, what I mean.”
“Of course, princess!”
“Come on! I’ll lead you to the secret corridor!”

Luna took researchers to one of the nearest janitor rooms. There she pulled four secret switches at the same time with her magic, and the second from the entrance right shelving moved to the side, opening long dark narrow corridor. Princess casted a light spell and led researchers to the hidden depth of the palace.

After some turns they appeared right behind the Rosewood Apartments. From behind the wall they heard weak clip-clop. That meat guards still were inside.

Luna smiled and with a playful gesture “invited” Zet’rar onstage. Technician bowed and stepped forward. He quietly coughed and announced the tonight’s performance:

“The Aria of sinners from Tartrarus.”

Max and Luna applauded, mimicking aristocrats in a theater. Zet’rar bowed again and then began to sing. Or, to be precise, howl, wail, growl, groan, snarl and bellow. Truly hellish sounds. They were so terrifying they could scare even a real undead. Max and Luna’ thought they know what to expect, still were shocked. Physiologist turned much paler. Princess nervously gulped, and cold sweat began to flow down on her back. And guards… they all screamed like a little fillies and very soon teleported themselves away. Thus, Zet’rar’s performance wasn’t too long.

“Dude, that was really creepy,” Max spelled.
“I can’t believe that it was an improvisation! It was like you had visited Tartarus by yourself and heard it all!” Luna said. “Where did you learn this?”
“Well, let’s say after all these Europonian horror stories I got some experience,” Zet’rar responded.

The fact is he once dealt with legacy of the rotula civilization, the deadrisers. Working with the results of their works one can know all hell just in a couple of days.

“Uh-oh,” Luna suddenly muttered.
“What happened?”
“I sensed that one of the patrol groups is approaching… They heard the screams and now are coming here! Wait… This is the last “target group”!”
“Target group?”
“Yes! Oh… They’ll be here less in a minute!”
“I have an idea!” Zet’rar exclaimed. “Princess, is it difficult to cast an illusion spell on yourself?..”

Meanwhile the guards were approaching. The screams they heard came from the wing where cursed Rosewood Apartments were situated, no pony wanted to go there, but there were their comrades, and they were in trouble. Thus, fighting own fears, they ran to the place. When they made the last turn before the entrance to the Apartments, they saw that the door is still open.

“Probably they are still there!” some of them exclaimed and they ran faster.

However, when they were just about to run in, something really dreadful came from the darkness of the room.

It was Nightmare Moon. Usually it is more than enough to make even a brave one to produce bricks with his rectum, but now the situation was even worse. This Nightmare Moon has traces of decay and putrefaction all over her body. She was a zombie!

The nightmare monster groaned – this sound spread throughout the corridors, making blood of every one who hears it to freeze – and lashed out at guards.

The choice of actions guards made wasn’t extraordinary, it was pretty predictable and obvious – since it was, in fact, instinctive – but in situation like this it barely could help them to save themselves. In short, guards fainted.

Luna dispelled the illusion. Max and Zet’rar came out from the room.

“These guys are too superstitious,” biologist said.
“Agree,” technician gave a nod and turned to Luna. “Well, it was the last group. What now?”

Princess of the night made an evil smile, her pupils shrunk, but eyes lit up. Literally.

“And now it’s my sister’s turn…” and gave a short laugh of evil overlord.

Researchers gulped.

“But first we’ll have to sneak into the royal apartments,” princess continued with absolutely imperturbable expression.
“Sneak in?” Max surprised. “You mean you can’t teleport us?”
“Unfortunately, not. The royal apartments are protected by anti-teleportation barrier at night and it is very powerful. Even I and my sister aren’t able to pass through it. Also, there are some anti-magic barriers as well, so we have to get to the place by stealth.”
“Well, by stealth then.”
“But be watchful and careful! The royal apartments are filled with patrols.”
“Got it.”

Researchers gave Luna a nod and princess led them to the place. They had to cover about half a mile distance. It didn’t seem too much. But, taking into account elite guards patrols every three hundred steps, labyrinth-like structure of hallways and rooms and various cunning magical traps, this task became quite a quest. Princess and researchers had to move as quiet as owls fly, remain in shadows and avoid all possible meetings with guards. Without any strong magic it was hard to implement all points at the same time. From time to time one of them occasionally hit furniture or stepped on a creaky floorboard. At such moments they froze to listen if guards are coming. If they were not coming, they moved forward. But if they were coming… Luckily, royal apartments have big windows and these big windows have large curtains – a pony can easily hide in its folds and remain unnoticed. In result, they lost time, but remained safe.

They carefully calculated all their moves and kept an eye on everything around. It took great efforts, but it was necessary. However, even the most careful calculation doesn’t guarantee absolute safety.

When they were about halfway to the royal apartments, they almost ran into a patrol group – one of the officers changed his plans and led his team to check another hallway. This time curtains saved princess and researchers – who were fast enough – again. They swore to be more attentive next time, but is it possible to predict when another crazy thought hit the brain of another person? Not even gods may be able for this.

Thus, Luna, Max and Zet’rar, when they had only three corridors to pass before getting into bedroom section, almost ran into a patrol group again – when they heard hoofsteps, guards’ shadows were already visible from around the corner. Researchers gulped – the corridor they were in had no windows and no curtains. They can’t hide! They were about to panic. Luna, however, kept her head cold – sometimes experience of hundreds of years of stressful situations becomes really useful – and preserved her reaction. She noticed a cleaning equipment closet in several steps behind her, opened it, grabbed researchers with her magic and pressed them into the closet and then jumped in herself. She closed the door right before guards went into the corridor.

The closet was small even for two petite maids to hide in, now there were three ponies, and each of them was larger than average one. So it wasn’t very comfortable inside.

“Quiet!” Luna hissed on researchers who tried to find a position that could allow them to breathe. “Or they’ll notice us!”
“Okay…”

A sound of hoofsteps came from corridor. Princess and researchers took a deep – as much as they could – breath and froze. Sounds got louder, indicating that guards are approaching, and soon their source appeared right in front of the closet. Luna, Zet’rar and Max were in cold sweat, but kept silence. Hoofsteps then began to quiet down. Nevertheless, it was too early to breathe with relief, but…

“Umm, princess?” Max whispered.
“What?” Luna hissed.
“I don’t want to insult or offend you, but… You are very, very attractive mare, but you are pushing me in the area below navel with your hip and you are wiggling at the same time… And it causes relevant physiological reaction.”

After these words Luna paused and felt what he was talking about. Literally, with her skin. Her face started to gain red color.

“The same here,” Zet’rar wheezed quietly. “Excuse me, princess, but your tail is between my hind legs…”

Luna’s face was just in one step from glowing like a nightlight. Luckily, the patrol walked away meanwhile, so they could get away from the closet. Immediately after it Max and Zet’rar got some strong hits upside the head.

“Ouch!” researchers whined, scratching their napes.
“You are absolutely discourteous!” Luna said and stomped. Her face still was red.
“Excuse us,” Max spelled. “But… It was physiology! We couldn’t do anything with it!”
“Argh!.. Fine! Let’s go!”

Princess ran forward and researchers followed her. Soon they appeared near big wide dark door. Luna came closer to it, her horn lit up, and the door began to rumble and rattle, like there was giant lock mechanism inside it.

“What is this room?” Zet’rar asked and at this moment the door opened.
“My apartments,” princess responded.
“WHA…” before researchers exclaimed Luna shut their mouths with her hooves, pushed them inside the room and quickly closed the door.
“Stay here for a while,” she said. “I have to make sure that Celestia is awake.”
“Err… Okay…” technician muttered.
“Princess, are you sure about such decision?” surprised Max asked.
“What decision? To leave two stallions alone in my room? Please! It’s not the first time when I do something like this.”
“Oh…”
“Make yourself comfortable! You can walk and look around, if you want. But don’t open the closets!” Luna said and went away.

Surprised researchers remained alone in the bedroom of one of the diarchs of Equestria.

“Well, that’ll be unusual experience…” Max muttered after a pause.
“Oma will surely kill me,” Zet’rar gulped.

After some more time they finally put themselves together and looked around. Well, they surely were in a room of a royalty: large, high-ceilinged, with rich and exquisite decorations. And, at the same time, there were no unnecessary things: for instance, here, in a living room, there were only two sofas with pillows, three armchairs, two big bookshelves which also served as a souvenir and gift exposition, a coffee table and, of course, a fireplace. Everything was made in dark or semi-dark and blue colors, making the room a little but comfortable domain of the night.

From the living room researchers moved to the cabinet. Luna’s personal workplace turned out to be a big table filled with papers and books among huge bookshelves – quite typical for a theorist magician. It seemed to be surprising, but princesses of Equestria were not fastidious ponies, so…

The next room was the sanctum – or, to be precise, the royal bedroom. And again there was nothing extra in it: bed, two nightstands, three wardrobes and several paintings as a decoration. Everything was made in truly royal style, elegant but practical, and size. Especially the bed.

“That’s some f-drome,” Max said, looking at it.
“You don’t say,” Zet’rar responded.

And, finally, they decided to take a peek into the bathroom. Well, despite the sizes it was usual bathroom except one thing: there was an easel with a blank canvas in one of the corners of the room. Why it was there? Well, it wasn’t possible to answer this question straight away. Probably princess was going to practice in drawing, but then changed her mind and since she was too lazy to disassemble it, she just put it where it won’t cause any troubles. But, still… Great ones have their own oddities.

“An easel. In a bathroom,” Max spelled. “Nice!”
“Unusual place to practice in drawing,” Zet’rar said.
“I’d say specific.”
“Maybe… Hey! It gave me an idea!”
“What idea?”
“Watch this!” technician said and took a brush.

Meanwhile Luna returned from her mission. As she hoped, Celestia went to the kitchen for a midnight snack, so they may act. But researchers were absent in the living room.

“So they decided to take a look then,” Luna smiled and went for her helpers.

She found them in the most unexpected place.

“Hey, what are you doing in my bathr…” she was about to exclaim, but then noticed that lads – who now looked like little guilty colts – put a fine example of calligraphy on canvas. She came closer to read it. It was a quatrain. The text was the following:

Don’t you dare to drink from toilet!
Water there is bad and spoiled!
Flush the water, clean the sink,
Blow the foam, and you can drink!

“Great!” she exclaimed and laughed. “Just great! You wrote it by yourselves?”
“Well, it’s a translation of one humorous Europonian quatrain,” Zet’rar specified.
“Still, it’s great! I’ll put it in the Tia’s bathroom!”
“By the way, about your sister,” Max intervened. “Can we act and what’s the plan?”
“Oh, well, she woke up and went to the kitchen for her midnight snack now, but what about the plan… Honestly, I didn’t think about it!”
“Hmm… This is a pr… Wait! I have an idea! Princess, is there an elevator on Celestia’s way?”
“Well, yes.”
“Great! Come on! I’ll explain everything in detail on the way!”

Twenty minutes later full and happy princess Celestia was returning to her bedroom. Five cherry and lemon muffins at 2:30 a.m. weren’t the best thing for health, but is one pound overweight such a problem when you get joy and gladness in result? Besides, a sleep is always better after a good snack.

Well, she almost had come to the place – the elevator that joined apartment floors and kitchen floors. Yawning, princess pushed the button. Mechanisms activated and elevator’s doors began to open. White alicorn made a step forward but then froze and her somnolence began to vanish quickly: music sounds came from inside of the elevator.

Meanwhile the doors opened fully and when it happened the remains of princess’ somnolence were immediately blown away together with some parts of her sanity: there were two stallions in the elevator. One of them danced while standing on his hind legs and keeping crazy expression. Another was lying on his stomach on the floor between legs of the first one, unlike his partner his expression was pretty serious and brutal – partly because of the shades – and he sang:

“Naneun sana-i
Jeomjanha boijiman nol ttaen noneun sana-i
Ttae-ga dwehmyeon wahnjeon michyeobeorineun sana-i
Keunyukboda sasangi ul-tungbul-tung-han sana-i
Keureon sana-i!”

Princess Celestia was struck dumb. She wasn’t able neither to say anything, nor to move. She just stared at the madness in her elevator before the doors closed and elevator itself moved downwards somewhere in the utility rooms. Only then she finally managed to put herself together, and when she did it, she had no choice but exclaim:

“What the heck was that???”

At the same time researchers quickly left the elevator and ran to Luna’s hiding place. When they arrived, princess of the night was laughing hysterically.

“Priceless!” she said through laughter. “Brilliant! Ha ha ha ha!!! I’ll never forget that expression of hers!”
“It’s our pleasure to be of service,” Max and Zet’rar responded.
“Say, I didn’t expect you to know so much about modern music of Easter Kingdoms. It was from Cowrea, right?”
“Some of our friends moved there in searches of a job and we maintain the contact, so we know something about what happens there. And, yes, you are right, it was one of the biggest Cowrean hits of the last years.”
“I wouldn’t call it a masterpiece, but it’s very catchy.”
“Oh yes it is.”
“Well, gentlecolts, we have completed our mission. Thank you very much for your help and… please, follow me.”
“Umm, why?”
“You deserved a reward for what you did. So, come on!” Luna waved and opened the entrance of another secret corridor with her magic.

A couple of minutes of wandering along narrow corridors and climbing steep stairs and, finally, Luna opened the exit secret door. She stepped into the room and turned the lights on. When it happened, researchers who just were about to leave the corridor too froze in surprise: they returned to princess’ apartments.

“I don’t understand… Princess, why you brought us back here?” Max sincerely wondered, staring at the interior of princess’ living room.
“Well, I can’t teleport you home until the barriers will be deactivated,” Luna explained. “And it will happen only in three hours when Celestia finally wake up. You have to spend this time somewhere, and my apartments are the safest place for you now. This is the least I can do for you.”
“Thank you very much!”
“Please, don’t. It is I who must thank you, thank for your help and ideas. You are really full of surprises, mister Zicht and mister Allegro. And amazing. It seemed for me tonight that you are able to make a plan in short terms under any conditions!”
“Thank you, princess, but it would be an exaggeration,” Zet’rar said.
“No, I really think so! It was you who planned almost all of our pranks this night!”
“Well, yeah, but…”
“Don’t underestimate yourselves!”
“We don’t know…”
“Okay… As a diarch of Equestria I demand you to create me a plan of how to prank my sister without leaving my apartments at current time this instant!”
“Wha-what???” researchers exclaimed.
“You heard the order.”
“You aren’t playing fair, princess!”
“I have a right, so obey.”

Max and Zet’rar growled but soon gave in – what could they do against mighty alicorn princess? They sat on the floor and began to think.

“Well, I think there is one method…” Max said after three minutes of cogitation.
“Yes? I’m listening,” Luna smiled.
“There is a way to release a part of magic energy in form of poltergeist, partially controlled poltergeist. You can set approximate area of its activity and – if you are lucky and strong enough – even choose some forms of its activity.”
“Poltergeist?”
“Yes. In Europonia we often deal with various forms of devilry and managed to study them a bit.”
“Interesting… There is a special spell for that?”
“Yes, there is, but I don’t know it – I didn’t learn it since I’m an earth pony after all. But the same could be achieved by special massage and I know how to do it.”
“Excellent! Can you show it?”
“If you insist, princess…”
“I insist!”
“Well then come to a sofa and lie down on your back.”

Princess came to the biggest sofa in the room which was near the fireplace and lay down on it. Max followed her. He stretched his forelegs and began the massage.

“Oh!..” Luna suddenly exclaimed with a smile on her face. “Mister Zicht… You do miracles with your hooves! This is simply divine!”
“Thanks, princess.”
“Oh… Wow! Amazing massage!.. If it’s how you usually do it then, I swear, I’ll take you from Twilight’s Castle and make you my personal masseur!”
“Err… This flatters me.”
“Mmmmm! Wonderful!”

After two more minutes of massage researcher said:

“Princes, get ready. The release won’t be powerful but still you will feel a bit uncomfortable.”
“That’s a pity. I don’t want this bliss to stop!”
“It’s just a demonstration, remember!”
“Oh, okay…”
“Now, for a moment it’ll be very painful, but not for long.”
“WHAT?”
“Cowabunga!”

And Max did the last move – to push acutely the point right below the sternum. Luna gasped, her horn flashed and… For a dozen seconds a true nightmare spread across the whole room. Bookshelves shook like because of powerful earthquake. Fireplace seemed to turn into angry dragon’s mouth and spewed huge flames. Sofas, armchairs and coffee table few up in the air. Some paper sheets and a quill caught on fire and in a second turned into ashes. A little crackle appeared on the wall near fireplace and water started to flow from it. Zet’rar suddenly fell down like something pushed him. All this finished abruptly when princess’ horn stopped to glow. Furniture stood still, fire calmed down.

“Indeed, indescribable feeling…” Luna muttered with a silly smile on her face and dozed off.

Researchers managed to wake her up after some time and Max apologized for what he did. For his own surprise, princess said that he has nothing to ask for forgiveness since now she has powerful weapon against Celestia in their prank battle. Also princess forgave researcher for the crackled wall because it was easy to repair with magic, which she did right after.

And, as it was promised, researchers were richly rewarded – not financially, however, but still it was generous: a princess’ kiss worth a lot.

But life is not all beer and skittles and in case of Max with reward he got a responsibility. Responsibility of the secret masseur of the night diarch. Once a week.

Some time later, in the office of the Second Department of Secret Service of Equestria…

“Hmm… Despite the fact that their humor sometimes was quite specific, I don’t see anything suspicious,” Razor Edge said, looking through the latest file.
“Wait, what about this “controlled poltergeist” thing?” Cloudbreaker surprised. “I have never heard about it! Even the craziest Equestrian villains haven’t thought about it!”
“Well, Europonians do have some materials about poltergeist, about its causes and about how to affect it,” Dim Silhouette responded. “Because, well, such things – “devilry” as they call them – are more widespread in their lands and they had some serious studies on the topic.”
“You mean, they could just learn about this from such materials?”
“Yes.”
“You are right, Dim, but there is one circumstance,” Hidden Path said.
“What circumstance?” unicorn surprised.
“Great part of these materials is secret military research – only relatively small part is freely available.”
“Oh…”
“I know, some of them are from military academies, but still there is a question: where they could learn such things?..”

In old part of Canterlot, in the evening before Luna’s, Max’s and Zet’rar’s prank adventure…

“I’ve always said ‘never judge a book by its cover’!” said old unicorn-homeowner, leading the new tenant to his apartments. “And you prove it as no pony else, mister Quasi. I haven’t met such a gentlecolt for a long time!”
“Thank you ma’am,” the new tenant responded.
“You are really nice young stallion. But, pardon me, your cloak is more suitable as a costume for Nightmare Night than as everyday clothes.”
“I see. But, you know, it’s just a part of an image!”
“Image of a tramp?”
“Let’s say image of a poor wanderer.”

Old unicorn smiled.

“You are really nice pony. Well, here are your keys,” she said and gave them to the new tenant with her magic.
“Thank you.”
“And one more question: for how long you are planning to say here, mister Quasi?”
“I don’t know exactly. About two months, maybe.”
“I see. Well, good luck then! Have a good time!”
“I hope that it will be so, ma’am. I hope so…”

* since ponies have quite specific methodology of choosing the names, “Maria”, as it is in the original version, is not a good option, so I replaced it with a consonant word (from Greek).

Comments

[Canary In The Coal Mine]

I'm really surprised their story of being Europonians is managing to hold up against scrutiny. Especially since ancient ponies such as Luna and Celestia keep being surprised by their wide breath of knowledge and experience. While it's true that they are peers without the disguise, could mortal ponies without technology extending life be anywhere near their level?

[A_guy_from_Earth]

7879482 I know, many situaltions here look silly, but the very idea of the story was that it will be primarily a sci-fi adventure comedy (I just can't do without humor in my stories). But, unfortunately, I could choose only 5 genres, so... I chose the ones you see.