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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I think a proofreader would definitely do you well. I really like your stories, (though I skip some of the more... explicit material,) but they suffer in the grammar department. Your sentence structure and proper punctuation is your most common issue, though you also have a few other minor common infractions.
I wish I could proofread for you, but I don't really have the time to be a full proofreader. If you'd like, I'd be more than happy to help and point out issues whenever I'm online, and you happen to be writing. If you message me with a link to whatever you're writing as you're writing it, I'd be glad to help out if I have the time.
6160258 It's okay, I'm trying to learn to proof read myself, so I don't make the mistakes initially, but thanks anyway. :)
6160272 That's good! But it's always good to have someone to point out a few issues as you're writing. It helps recognize the mistake, and point out issues you may not even realize. For example, have you proofread this chapter?
6160533 Once, yes, but I generally find more the second time since I wrote this most recently, and with so much going on I was probably a bit quick. Top that off with, in my head, it mostly looks fine because I wrote it, it's hard to see some issues. But I generally get most.
6160537 When you happen to go through your second time, would you mind telling me? I'd like to see what you've changed, point out some of the more consistent issues, and help you learn the rules behind the issues. That way you can better understand, avoid, and correct the issues you currently have.
6160583 I'll try to remember, but sorry if I forget.
I really enjoy your stories, and this one in particular keeps on giving. I'm pleasantly surprised it keeps being updated (and expanding on the hypnosis and related fetishes, both willing and unwillingly), and I hope to read more.
6166319 Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. :)
Hey. I was wondering if I could help you edit the chapters. Love the story line but you are having some trouble with punctuation.
6172420 No it's okay, but thanks anyway. :) I'm trying to learn to do it myself. XD
6289025 XD Glad you liked it, and links in a story, kinda breaks the flow I feel.
Finaly done with all the chapters, i love the progression... And also the more.. Lewd chapters hehe >.<
Anyway! Ruby can gain easier access to bolts mind, hehe kinky.
I also like how the mane 6 got coiled up in this. (heh puns.)
Looking forward for more keep doing what you do jami ^^
6292424 Well I'm working on your story, then Shockwave's, probably do the next chapter of SaS then the Vinal lamia sequel and, because people might actually kill me if I don't, the origins of the lamia potion! XD
6292769 Omg the origin of the lamia potion... yay! more lore ^^
im also looking foward for the story.. i'll be happy with whatever you make me BTW
6292780 I'm just having trouble finding a way to bring you in, that link, sadly, may be paper mache strong XD Aka; not very strong. :3 Best I could do though.
6292804 link? Huh, what link?
6296097 Link in the story I mean, getting Rainbow to find you without it seeming forced is proving... Awkward. :( I'll do my best. All I can promise.
6296331 oh uhm its finesies! But maybe we should take this on PM's?
6298159 Sure.
6353484 Thanks. :)
6354638 No they are right, it does make sense but I can understand why you are confused. :)
Are you taking a break from the story? Or just lost interest in writing it?
6432521 Taking a break, I was doing a few other things, my plan is now to do a few SaS chapters. :)
6433051
Cool was just wondering I would have been sad if you had stopped writing on this story
Hmmmm hey you should join the group use our OCs you make good OCs and I bet you have more lol plus you might find some you want to use Faust knows there are plenty
6433540 I'll have a look, link please?
6434544
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/206280/use-our-ocs
There you are
6440060 Cool I'll post Ruby and Bolt up there, see if anyone is willing to use them. :)
6454434 After the end of Spirals and Spices I dunno what I'm gonna do, I might do a few one offs with the pair attending, maybe holiday events, like Hearts Warming Eve, etc, or I might do a sequel with Ruby and Bolt's kid (Yes I do plan for them to have a kid :3) or I might do a fallout spin off with them... Cause fallout 4. XD And I want to give Ruby a ballista sized crossbow.
Was there any particular reason you decided to humiliate RD with the end of the previous chapter and the beginning of this one?
I realize it's been a while since you made this section of the story, though.
I was originally going to word that question a lot meaner than it ultimately came out, and it's for this reason: Over the years I've been a fan of the show I've formed a connection with RD where I have a pretty low tolerance for stories where she ends up humiliated in a way that I feel she doesn't deserve it.
And the way the scene ultimately plays out fits under that.
I honestly believe it would have made more sense for them to have seen RD be succesfull in what she was attempting to do, Ruby compliments her abilities, and then they get into the challenge.
As-is, however, the way the events play out just make it seem like the others (except for Scoots) were kicking her while she was down, given the circumstances.
That segment where they met RD for the first time is also part of why I didn't bother to even skim the rest of this story until today.
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