- Member Since 25th Nov, 2013
- offline last seen 8 hours ago
THEJamiboi
I write in my spare time, as a hobby and I would appriciate some feedback on any stories I write here on fimfiction.
THEJamiboi
Joined 25th Nov, 2013 ·
Offline
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THEJamiboi · 3k words · 29 5 · 3.6k views
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5321917 Ugh... double o isn't it *facehoof* sorry about that, I'll fix it, thanks.
So. I've been reading the story.
It is over all well done! So far, that is.
I did spot some mistakes but i can look away from them.
Even though its a OC story its well done. Good work.
It also reminds me of "spice and wolf"
Continue the good work :3
5358316 Why does everyone say its reminds them of Spice and Wolf, is that bad pun so well know? XD
If you spot mistakes can you copy the line and tell me what's wrong, I want to get better at spotting and fixing mistakes and that only happens if people show me them, I try my best to find them but as my own editor I sometimes miss them.
Thanks I will continue, glad you like it! :)
5358345 i'll be sure to do that the next time i read a chapter :)
5358362 Thanks :)
Didnt spor any errors, good chapter :)
5359683 YES! WOOHOO! Sorry, just glad I managed to find them all! :) Or at least the majority that people will notice, it seems.
Also is spor a joke? or did you hit the wrong key?
5359725 writing on a phone is hard, but lets say it was a joke ;)
5359730 XD
Awesome chapter, glad your back :)
I really want to see how the lamias eat their food now
fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/339/d/9/finals_are_coming__by_senxshine-d6wwc4o.gif 
love the little filly part
5462316 Well I'll probably go into detail later in the story when, ah, Bolt has a 'scientific' experience with Ruby! :3
5461238 I never left, life is just being a very big hammer, thankfully I make a good shield. :)
Also thanks, glad you enjoyed! :D
5462346 i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/790/977/e1e.gif
5462376 XD That gif! XD
Yay amazing chapter! Only minor mistakes here and there i think i found 2 but anyway.
This story is turning out really nicely, it has a very good pace. Do continue writing.
(( I gently pressed my lips to the front of her hoof and Ruby gasped, freezing up
“Consider yourself under my spell"))
Nice quote :3
5495570 Dead obvious! XD Also I put that in cause of you saying if it was inspired by Spice and Wolf, first to say it but not the last! :)
5496053
Well it just reminded me of the anime, but i really love the quote, fits in nicely to the story, looking forward for more spirals and spices :3
5496441 Thanks! :) Spoilers for next chapter: They kiss! :D
Exciting chapter with lots of buildup!
Cant wait for the arena fight :3
keep on writing! :3
5520620 I will thanks, and you view on Bolt's kiss, what did ya think, supa smooth! XD
5520644 sooo smooth hehe ;3
I rather enjoyed that moment (not his first kiss, ew.)
I also really liked the hypnosis part... Alot
5523448 Yes I really liked writing that, can't wait for Ruby to use her powers for sexual-er I mean... other purposes! :3
5524762 your story is gonna have that kind of purpose in it owo
*pomf* sounds fun
Soo uhm i was just wondering :3
You got a certain tag on your story, and i havent seen anything related to that certain tag yet.. :3
Any teasers for when this certain tag is gonna
Come in?
*whispering* so smooth twiggy. So smooth.
5579263 *bursts out laughing* yes so smooth! XD Answer: I'm not sure, I don't want to rush it because it's actually kinda important to the story (Irony) and I want Ruby and Bolt to have built a real relationship before I... Ugh... Make them move up a step, but it shouldn't be too far off... Tell you what I'll spoil when I'm planning to write it so you can look forward to it! :3 And annoy you the longer it takes to reach! >:)
After they Re-Enter Equestrian soil, they'll stop on the road for some quality time together... Alone! :3
I kept hoping to see core in this! X3
5595116 Core? Do you mean vore? Cause if so yes it'll happen! :)
5595125 Yes I meant vore. I should learn not to type comments from my phone. It autocorrects. X3
5595149 That sounds worse than windows thinking it's should always be its, so damn annoying never makes up it's stupid mind.
Wait, two sets of Everything?! So like down there as well? Hmmm, wonder of the second set is cloaca? Guess it wouldn't be as widely used as it would not be as pleasurable. If so, I wonder if that means the Lamia can have live birth or lay eggs.
5596254 She said internal, as in organs not... That. XD
5596280
hey that's an organ, and it's mostly internal. Why wouldn't they... lol.
5596280
besides the secondary (primary considering the first is mostly vistigial) stomach needs an exit vent. If the mammalian reproductive organ is in the upper body it doesn't have to be near any exit vents, but the cloaca is all three in one on a reptile so it would stand to reason the Lamia could have both.
5596316 Hmmm... Guess it would make sense. But I'll probably not write about it, but I won't shoot down this theory, cause it's pretty cool! :)
Jesus Christ
, that's one hell of a trust fall.
I'm just gonna turn around and nope the fuck out! lo
5599661 XD Well lamias see trust in a VERY different way... Plus I could think of any other excuse to include vore in this story other than this, sorry. XD
And noping the fuck out is probably a good idea, if you can't stand this it'll only get kinkier! >:3
5599703 don't be sorry, I'm all down for deepthroating, I just didn't know it would be this deep
5599741 It's not actually that deep... Just stomach wall deep! :3
Soft vore... Me like :3
Dat end though! Cliffhanger D:
Dosent bolt have a passport or something?...
Oh i hope it ends well for them ^^
5606300 Even if he does they'll want to check... We'll just have to see how it goes but I'll give you a little something to think over:
It escalates quickly and we meet our first cannon character interaction! :3
5606632
Yay! Sounds exciting.
Its a really great story by the way, so i'll probs give a follow and fave ;)
5609342 Thanks glad you like it! :)
YAY RUBY! Get your stallion!
5624920 Bolt promptly escapes! :3
Noooooooo!! the tease
5625690 >:)
i.imgur.com/ge4B8aW.png
5626141 ...WTF? XD