Trixie and Spitfire fall in love and life is always throwing curve-balls at them around each turn. Join them as they venture through life and all the unexpected turns it has to offer. Now an Arc series.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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It is really good, i say it often, but right now i feel like it was really worth my time. Well let say i hope this isn´t a short story, always the good story´s are really short. If you make it a short one i would like a sequel. If you keep up the good work i can say i really want that sequel or a long story.
5069943 Thanks I'm glad you like it. I dare say Trixie is my favorite character in the series too, they should do more with her personally.
Yet I feel they won't. So here I am filling the gaps as it were. Anyway hope I can keep you and everyone else entertained for the time being.
Wow, Trixie's living conditions are horrific. I do wonder how Trixie got that wagon. It cant be her original wagon since that was destroyed, but judging from the condition perhaps she picked this one up from a trashheap just so she'd have something. Worse, it might be the only thing anyone was willing to sell her for whatever bits she had left. Since Trixie claims the suitcase is all she owns, it seems most likely the wagon isn't technically hers.
This might sound cruel, but I was really hoping Fleetfoot would hate Trixie (at the very least innitially), lovely to see that come true. I can't wait to see to what kind of conflicts that will lead. Quite nice that it's more out of a sisterly devotion than just random hatred. It makes a lot of sense Fleetfoot wants to protect her sister from her own bad decisions, such as taking a homocidal wizard under her wing.
Now on to a few notes:
Curiously, you used {} for thoughts instead of Italics in this one instance.
Nicknames are treated the same as names. So capitals and comma's as per usual.
"Hey there, Hon, you come this way often?"
Pace*
Passed*
Missing a space.
One of these is unneeded. I suggest removing the first one.
Because this uses a said tag, the dialogue would end with a comma.
Forgive*
You do this correctly everywhere else, so it was probably just a typo, but since this is a 'said tag' it would be: she*
I think some kind of verb is missing is here?
Also, the sentence should end with a period in this case.
Now for just a general comment on the use of punctuation:
Names/nicknames in dialogue have specific rules.
1. A name/nickname is always capitalized. (This is always true regardless of dialogue or not.)
2. The name/nickname of the person being spoken to is always flanked by comma's. (Unless it is a sentence start/end, then only one side has the comma.)
Example:
The reason is to avoid confusion. If you take the Fleet example. The first sentence states that Spitfire is saying that she knows who Fleet is. The second sentence states that she is telling Fleet that she knows something.
Keep up the good work, I'm looking forward to seeing more of this. ^^
5077954
Can't forget Trixie's special move
XD
Well, it looks like my editing is needed after all! This should be She also couldn't afford
5665521 Ha funny.
With the fact that this story has a mature rating, something tells me that those doors aren't the only thing that are going to be generously spread apart in Trixie's future!
Also, was Spitfire's eyebrow cocked like this, perhaps?
media2.giphy.com/media/6Dj7ZWBERpGU0/200_s.gif
5077954
I like Trixie and it's sad to see her this way.
I like this concept, it explains a lot about the world of Equestria your creating.