darn cliffhanger.... so close, but no cigar

Ah the return of the cliffhanger.

WITH A VENGEANCE!

...Rarity nodded before taking another sip of his tea...

Oh Rarity, you've been holding out on us

Great chapter! You are able to educate the audience along with Twilight without grinding the story to a halt, well done.

Still, with more rigorous study of the romance novels, Twilight had started to figure out some basic rules and etiquette that would go into these events....

I can honestly see Adorkable!Twilight treating the Harlequin novels as serious research.

Loving every minute of this. Very well written, and I love how they both seem perfectly in-character too. Nothing worse than OOC characters just to fit a plot.

Awww, I was hoping it would actually get juicy here... You better make the next chapter amazing for me. I'm watching you.

5050906

Is that a Bill Clinton sex joke?

...why.

WHY U DO DIS?!

Why do you build me up, Buttercup, just to let me down...?!

Seriously, all levity aside, dafuq? Where is the all nommy pony noshings?

In all other aspects, you get five out of

Hnngh...Big Mac is my kind of dominant. Calm, patient, and willing to teach just as much as he's willing to learn. He's even the type to prefer to please others compared to pleasing himself!

5052041
No
thefreedictionary

Typo:
> running a hoof through her main in frustration

I'm so glad you had the conversation between Rarity and Twilight at the beginning. So many people won't do things like that cause it feels like a re-cap or something, but I love seeing someone elses reaction to what happened when they're told about it. It's almost as much fun as the original scene, in my opinion. I hope you do more of that.

5053329 I know the definition of the phrase, I was making a joke about an ex-political rival.

asldjfhasldjfhvp. Wow. This is so tender, so realistic, and such a wonderful introduction to BDSM for Twi... really really wonderful stuff.

“So he gave you a pie...”

s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/The-Peoples-eyebrow-courtesy-of-the-rock-jas-patrick-blog.jpg

fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/289/4/9/twilight__s_fetish_by_mamandil-d5hobmt.png

No no nonononono how is this all there is so far? I'm really enjoying this. Like, really enjoying it. The characters are absolutely in character and there's just the right amount of humor mixed in. I eagerly await any more you choose to write!

Great story.
Looking forward seeing where it goes.

This is rather wonderful execution of what seems will eventually be a healthy BDSM relationship between these two. They have lives outside of the bedroom, which take priority as they ought; what they engage in is safe, sane, and consensual...

...and their approach to it, and each other, is rather realistic, given how they "met" in this story. To be honest there is absolute suspension of disbelief while reading this, which so many stories lack. I know you're writing this with a particular individual in mind, and writing for speed, but if this is what you can create unpolished?

Just keep doing what you're doing. It's working.

Hmm, what dirty fetishes does Twilight not know she has?

Has this story been abandoned, or is it merely on a bit of a break?

This is really charming!

Please sir, can I have some more? /Dickens

This fan fic makes me very heates TeeHee

I ended up rereading this story and I remembered how great it is.

“How do I look... Master?”

For the first time, it was Big Mac's turn to gulp. He hadn't quite been prepared for how powerful that assault was, but it had been breathtaking. He knew Twilight was a beautiful mare, but he saw through to her true beauty in that moment, and he loved it.

This should be a commissioned picture.