Chapter 8 - Why ‘ello thar
Chapter 8 – Why ‘ello thar [1/2]
Yesterday’s rise from your bed was considered near angelic. But this morning’s rise should be considered as borderline hangover. So how did you end up in such a miserable state? You try and ask yourself that, but thinking at the moment gave you a headache.
“Spice...*groan*...Next time...” you let that out but near the end you had to clutch your head between your hooves. The pain you feel becoming most unbearable.
What started as a friendly sparring match turned ugly.
You thought that playing video games would give you an edge over Selene. Years of spending your time in front of your favourite console, hours on end playing. Your vivid imagination complaining on how stupid some of the video game characters moves are, and you decided to substitute your own. And this was the time to show them how cool your technique is. This was the time to show the moon goddess your training in heroic and slightly theatric video game moves.
Sadly they have video games in this world too. And for a bored princess, she plays them a lot. She shares that it helps her pass the time when she does not feel like sleeping during the day. She mentioned that whenever she holds night court, the slightest sign that no one is seeking audience for the night, she ends it quick. Sometimes when diplomats hold extremely boring meetings, she casts a body double in her place to give her a sneaky escape window. Both scenarios giving her the chance to escape to the secret gaming room. Playing her heart and frustrations out until she is spent, which she says is usually before Celestia wakes up.
So, by the time you tried to do a fly dash combo with a kinetic barrier launcher strike, Selene decided to show you the Luna special. It was a good thing for you both that no was looking when Selene did a flashy transformation into Luna. Apparently she is a fan of theatrics like you are.
So what was an ugly sparring match ended into a deep nine foot crater into the ground.
*poink*
“ARGH!” something sharp poked your backside, leaving you completely unaware of its presence, until now.
Digging around your bed, you see a black metal pointy thingy. Now being a reasonable and intelligent being that you are, the name black metal pointy thingy would surely not do the object justice. So upon taking it into your hooves you closely inspect the other cause of your moment’s discomfort.
“This looks like...Luna’s Crown? What is it doing in my bed?” considering that what you said was the most effort you put in is actually saying something this morning.
Since you are in a foul mood this morning, you toss the crown indiscriminately behind you. Its impact resulting in a ringing thud when metal hit wood. To make matters worse, you hear an alarm clock set off. You turn to your nightstand to face the infidel. But you could not take your frustration towards the object; it is only doing what it was designed for. So slamming your hoof on the snooze button was your only and slightly gratifying choice.
Slipping out of bed your hooves met the cold hardwood floor. You stretch out any kinks or pains you have. Making doubly sure to not overexert yourself, you now use your newfound magic to help ease your morning routine. Stretching and pulling here with twisting and popping joints there. Although it felt good, you still don’t feel a hundred percent.
‘Shoulders...hooves...neck...worn...wings...!’
“I forgot to change back...shit...I hope no one saw me like this”
So in realising you’re in Alicorn form, you tap the amulet you placed on the nightstand. Your touch activating it, having its magic flow into you, its master. You tell it to change you back into a Unicorn. As much as you would have wanted to stay an Alicorn, you know you don’t have a choice. Upon hearing that the species only has three existing Alicorns, you would best be careful about revealing yourself in such state.
Not unless you want to spark panic and the obligatory angry mob. Though it would make your life so much easier with not having to transform every day, such is your price.
“mea bullas mutare forma, unicornis.” A sudden glow envelops your body. And in a quick flash and residual thunderclap, you are now a unicorn. Funny how most spells in Equestrian Magic are in Latin.
All that transformation did not stop the incoming migraine though.
You are about to leave your house. Deciding that you are too lazy and tired to make your own breakfast, you decided to eat out. Remembering that you had some coupons from Derpy, you head to your kitchen where Sunny/Celestia conveniently placed them on the fridge with a magnet.
“I worship pies and plots” an odd looking magnet that portrays a mare balancing a pie on her bum, the mares coat having a holographic color change effect between white and dark blue.
“Suggestive much Celestia?” you say to no one. Not that saying that in public would be any better.
So taking the coupons from the odd magnet, you begin deciding which of these coupons to use, all of them depicting delicious baked goods.
“Let’s see: Vanilla cupcakes, cinnamon swirls with dates and pine nuts, flapjack berry ala mode, Wednesday puff pastry basket...” but it is a Thursday today.
Believing in the saying, indecision bounds in sudden inspiration, you decided to take them all anyway. Also And noting that the address of the bakery is conveniently printed at the back. Nice. So heading towards the front door, you prepare in sampling those yummies. Your mouth waters in anticipation.
That is till you take notice of the morning mail jammed by the door’s mail slot. It seems as though Derpy’s way of making it up to you is by stuffing your mail with more coupons. She must really love that place and her muffins of course. It also looks like you have an endless supply of coupons to spend for special days. So taking what you already had levitated, you placed the rest of the new coupons on the table by the foyer. Putting them in a stack to maintain a bit of household cleanliness and order.
So, having left your house, you now start your official duty as the new neighbour to greet all incoming ponies. That is if your head still does not want to settle.
So as you greet ponies and ask around for direction to Sugarcube Corner. You don’t take notice of a pink blob now turned blur as it hopped around on rooftops. Obviously trailing your movements as you went about your business. Observing every interaction you made, like you were an experiment set loose in an obstacle course.
The blur then stops a few rooftops behind you. It looks at your general direction and knowingly smiles as you made it near your intended direction.
It might have overlooked the fact that you arrived here two days ago, and without it knowing. So a vendetta it seems has formed between you and the blur. But it would not let you escape, no sir. This blur started planning all into last night, making sure every single detail would go off. Leaving a lot of room for unforeseen events and problems, it would systematically adjust accordingly.
After losing some distance, it tries to close in. But seeing as it might have foreseen that Spiced Tea would head for Sugarcube Corner, the blur decided to break ahead of you and tried to head straight into the bakery. Its breath now ragged and its body now sweaty but it did not matter. It knows that when you arrive, the plan will be brought into fruition. Spiced Tea will now rue this day that you’ve messed with-
“Pinkie!" a blue Pegasus overhead shouts, asking what Pinkie was doing.
"What is with the running” the Pegasus closing her distance to the mad dashing mare.
"Kinda in a hurry Dashie!"
“You look like you are about to prank somebody and I want in” she flies beside, matching the pink blurs speed.
“Can't really talk right now so no can do Dashie, I have a plan to prepare...” she smiles sincerely, hopping the last roof before she lands behind Sugarcube Corner. Nailing the landing with a 9.8 score.
“...And this one is personal”
You can almost taste those baked goods, their smell carried in the air around the bakery. And just in case you may go overboard in sampling the delectable desserts, you double check if you brought your bit purse with you. And there it is, a few hundred bits clinking within safely hidden in your mane. A very ingenious design for a coin purse, you almost wish that designs like this would appear back home.
And the purse would be of much help as you neared the bakery.
Just then, a tantalising scent hit your nose causing you to careen into the establishment's door. A loud thud grabbed the attention to any passerby but was soon neglected as it was a regular occurrence near the bakery. But you don’t know that.
'Gah! My nose is going to sting for a while' you see whether you might be bleeding. And sure enough you are.
"Good heavens! Are you alright" you hear a mare inside call out, sounds like she is trotting to the door to investigate your misfortune.
"That was quite the impact. Not many of our customers would hit it off that well in the morning" another pony called out, the voice sounding much deeper. And by the sounds he must be chuckling at his pun but was quickly silenced by a resounding shush.
So then the door opened to reveal two bakers, obviously. One was a blue mare and the other was a tall orange stallion, both wearing matching aprons.
"Oh my, it looks like that hit was far worse than it sounded" the blue mare said, the features on her face suggest that you look worse than you think.
"It looks like you need to have that taken care of, come on in while I fetch the first aid kit" the orange stallion offered, ushering you inside.
“You must be new around here, moving in or just passing through?” the mare said as she lead you inside.
“I just moved in two days ago actually. I was not able to get around because I had to unpack. Oh where are my manners, the names Spice Tea”
“And I am Cup Cake and the handsome stallion back there is my husband is Carrot Cake”
“Pleased to meet’cha”
You for the most part are amazed at the amount of sweets and baked goods left out on display. You see hundreds upon hundreds of them. Glistening with syrup, sugar and cream, waiting to be held and viciously consumed.
“You just stay right here sweetie and I’ll go fetch you something to munch on. My husband will be back with the first aid kit before you know it” the blue mare said. And know that you know they are a couple; it is now easy to assume that they own and run this establishment. And they made all of this? That is amazing.
What also amazed you is that the table that you were guided to had some order forms on top. And looking at it was something short of childish glee as everything you can think of is listed there, ready to be ticked off. And if that was not enough there was an empty box at the bottom of the sheet, meant for specialty custom orders.
‘Hot damn!’ is right.
“Cup Cake, I can’t seem to find the first aid kit. Did you see it lying around?” you hear him shout from the back. Probably that is the kitchen.
“I think Pinkie has it. She had a nasty cut last night and I think she forgot to put it back” and from the same direction as the kitchen, the blue mare walked out of those double doors. She balanced a tray on her back, probably containing the something that was meant for you. Awesome!
“Here you go sweetie, our newest creation and you get to enjoy it firsthand. Enjoy” she said as she left to return the tray to the kitchen. Leaving you with some alone time with the delectable specimen before you.
Clicking you hooves together you smile a very wide smile “Why ‘ello thar”
And from the off chance that they might not get the hint that you liked it. The crumbs and cream that looks to have exploded from your plate should.
“Pinkie?! Have you seen the first aid kit?” you hear him shout, facing the stairs. Then you saw an explosively pink pony appear at the top flight of mentioned stairs.
“Yup! There at my loft at the moment. Do you need them? Did somepony walk into the door again? That always happens a lot!”
“Yes, we have a customer here that went and did knock him a bit hard and he is bleeding. So could you take him up there and see to his injury?” he gestured to you and the pink pony gave you a wide smile and a wave, somewhat unsettlingly so.
He continued. “The praline puffs are kind of in a sensitive timeframe at the moment so we couldn’t tend to anything else.”
“Sure thing Mr. Cake! I will make sure that this pony nosey won’t be all icky and bleedy so he will feel all cheery! Hey that rhymed” she giggled at that. And noticing your stare she went down and approached you. Only this time the smile is toned down and a little less unsettling.
“Hi there I’m Pinkie Pie. Welcome to Sugarcube corner but you probably knew, duh? Well I hope you did not hurt your nosey too much because it would be hard to have that fixed up because Ponyville general is currently underhooved at the moment. But don't worry, if you follow me upstairs, Dr Pinkie will make it all better okay?" the explosively pink mare just exploded. Well not really, but she did say all that in an explosive way. What you mean by that way, you mean not thinking of taking in a breath while she spoke.
"Um...Okay"
"Great! Well if you will just follow me to my humble abode, we will get you fixed right as rain. Does rain even go left if they are right? What about fountains, when they squirt water up like...pplplplplpsh...then it stays in the air for a teensy tiny little minute and then it goes down like rain and the..."
Yes you follow her up but you did not follow her train of thought. It seems is that Ms. Pinkie Pie is somewhat bubbly? Well yes if that is the word used to describe her, but something is quite off. A normal being would be content by walking or trotting as a means of movement. But she is just bouncing. Not that you have something against bouncing, no. It is just that when she jumps and lands you hear this faint sound that is similar to a trampoline and a spring. But you could not source where the sound came from. You remember Mayor Mare saying something about weird things:
'If it is weird and has no logical reason, accept it and move on'
So, the short time you followed Pinkie. You have gone up a few floors, probably on the level of the white sugar icing floor of the building. You chuckled at that. You distinctly remember seeing a giant gingerbread house when you first laid eyes on the town. You never would have guessed that the building would be and named Sugarcube corn-
*POMPF*
Pink.
“AAGGHHHH! DONTHURTMEPLEASECOTTONCANDY!!!”
*Giggle* “You’re funny!”
“Huh?”
“You were spacing out when you were following me and your face was all ‘I am a statue’ and then you were laughing which is good. But then you kinda walked into my tush and my tail covered your face and your all like ‘Agh!’ and I was like ‘Hahahaha’ and then you were all like ‘GASP’ but it’s pretty funny”
*Inhale-exhale* “Haaaaa....”
“Come on silly. Let me get you cleaned up” she gestures you to follow her again. Only this time you noticed that she is leading you to another set of stairs.
“So...ummm...you live here?”
“Yup, Mr. and Mrs. Cake gave me a place to stay. And since they needed the help, I went and told them I would help them with baking. And before you know it, I make all these wonderful treats.”
“So you help them out with the baking? So were you the one that made that...that...umm cream-ish-whatever you call it”
*giggle* “Oh you, I call it a vanilla almond crumble puff pastry. Pretty good huh? I made them just this very morning.”
“They are very delicious, especially when the cru-wait...I forgot to pay for it. Oh Celestia. Could you wait a moment Ms. Pinkie, I need to go down and pay for what I ate.” And you were about to until an arm grabbed yours.
You faced to see Pinkie Pie holding on to one of your forearms. A calm look graced her features. She gave you a small, simple smile as she lets you go.
“First call me Pinkie, all my friends do. And second, do not worry about it. We have this policy of the first customer that slams into the shops gets a free order.” She said this in the calmest and gentlest way you can imagine. Truly something out of character for a pony like this but you cannot judge. You only met her today after all. “And I still got to patch you up. You don’t want the blood to get all crusty and icky in your nose, now do we?”
With nothing else, you wordlessly follow her up. No idle threats or tempting offers. Pinkie Pie is just a simple caring pony and nothing else. That is unless you happen to see her room.
Indeed, this pony is every shade of pink but her room is even more so. It is like someone tied TNT and a bucket of pink paint and let it explode in this room. Like on one of those shows you used to watch as a kid. But exploded pink is not really a word to describe all of his. Every nook and cranny is filled with party paraphernalia. Not that the room is offensive to you, no. It is just hard to conceive that Pinkie here could live in such a place.
But again you remind yourself ‘You just met the pony...’
“Welcome to Pinkie’s party palace! Also known as my apartment of fun, but not that kind of fun if that is what you’re thinking” she ends her line with her eyebrows a wiggling and a nudge to your side.
“So over there is my bed and over there are my awesome chalkboard were a plan the most awesomest parties you can ever experience in your whole life. And on your left is my bathroom and over on your right is my chest filled with party stuff along with the shelf over there that holds all my cookbooks and party techniques” and again she does not pause to take a breath.
“I-Is that a cannon?!”
“Yuppers! That there is my patented Party Cannon! Guaranteed to make quick work of decorating empty venues for instant parties”
“Is that thing safe?”
“Yup! Just as long as I don’t pack it with more than 20 grains of black powder, anymore than that would blast a table into teensy tiny little pieces and we don’t want that, nope. So think, how are guests supposed to eat with no table? So I loaded this baby up with a standard 4 place eating set complete with tablecloth; 5 different kinds of streamers set on rotating spin drum inside to ensure equal streamer and confetti spread; 9 balloons with an instafill helium capsule set at a 2 second delay with strings; and did I forget to mention it can reach up to 50 meters of standard propellant amount! Amazing, huh? ” she asked you as she gives her beloved cannon a pat on its back. She also gave the pullstring trigger a slight tug, making sure that the trigger latch is all secured. “I also use compressed air can for the propellant, just in case of little foals are present in the party”
“I...I see. So aside from working at a bakery, you do parties?”
She nods her head at an insane speed as she said “Uh-huh!”
“Imagine that, I never would have guessed”
Actually you did.
“So enough with the chitchat let us get you patched up. But first why don’t you head into the bathroom and clean some of that blood off, ‘kay?”
“Alright, if you say so”
So after taking all that information in, you best decided to head into the bath. Hoping that there wouldn’t be any more surprises or any sort like her cannon. So you cautiously pushed the door open and took a peek head first. You find that the bathroom is completely normal aside from the numerous bottles about and around, of course. White tiles with some pink accents like flowers and laces, it looks safe.
So you head on towards the sink, magicking the faucet open. You let the water run on your hooves a bit before applying them on your muzzle, wiping the dried blood as you go. As you finish, you take notice on the alligator statuette on the counter next to you. You stare at it as it stares at you.
‘Looks lifeless, it must be a statue or figurine or something’ that is where you are wrong.
The alligator statue suddenly opens its maw and jumps at your mane. Taking a good solid chomp, it held on for dear life. While you analyse your predicament, you shrugged it off as a harmless, toothless gator playing around.
‘Pretty normal if you ask me’
“Hey, I forgot to ask, what is your name? Oh! There you are Gummy, I have been looking everywhere for you! It looks like you met the new pony. So what is your name again?” You see Pinkie as, peeking through the doorway.
“Oh yeah, the name is Spiced Tea-“
*BONK*
“I did it Gummy, I DID IT!” Pinkie rejoiced in her attempt to knock you out with a skillet. This worked incredibly well, seeing as you were lying on her bathroom floor.
She then dropped her skillet and picked up Gummy, pulling her pet gator in to a heart-warming hug. “That should teach Mr. Smarty Pants Spiced Tea here not to mess with the Pinkie. He should have at least passed by Sugarcube Corner to at least have something to eat. That way I would have met him and prepared for his party sooner” she exclaimed with a raspberry at Spiced Tea as she put Gummy by the sink, still staring at his master for no reason.
She trotted out and approached her beloved blackboard and flipped it over to reveal the other side:
‘PINKIE PARTY PLAN: Theta Echo Alpha
- Lure target into SCC [use experimental recipe 0078-D092] use extra vanilla
- Then subdue target with any means [skillet should do]
- interrogate ask him, whatever he knows [follow the Mare’s Blind Date questionnaire sheet]
- ?????? [party or something]
- profit!
“Pinkie? Is everything alright? We heard something that sounded like a body dropping to the floor.” Mr. Cake shouting, clearing whatever Pinkie Pie has planned she had to do it quietly.
“It is nothing Mr. Cake, I was just rummaging my closet for the first aid kit” which in actuality is truth. She at the moment is looking for the first aid kit for she still has to patch the obvious looking corpse in her bath.
“Well you kids be careful...And no fooling around, you too just met” she heard him laugh as he went back to do his business. You also hear a faint smack that seemed to have halted Mr. Cake’s laughter which might have come from the wife.
“That was close Gummy, I thought that if they walked in, they would think I murdered him...hehehehe...he he...” she said as she wiped the tears from her eyes. And if anyone would happen to this scene, jumping to the conclusion of murder would not be far long.
So it seems that she indeed has kept the kit in her closet. So laying the kit by her nightstand, she went about moving your body from the floor to her bed.
“Gosh you are heavy. I think maybe it’s time that we stopping eating cake before bed, huh?” she asks you as she poked your belly. But is soon saddened as you don’t actually have any once of flab on you. In fact, you are strangely well toned for a unicorn. “Huh? Well that’s weird. My Pinkie sense told me you are an egghead like Twilight” with a pout, she continued to drag you towards her bed.
“Though you were all like alicorny with Princess Luna yesterday. Oh well...”
And with a grunt “There that should do the trick” you are now spread across the mattress, your head lay on her favourite pillow.
“Now to get that boo-boo all nice and healed” and so, she prepared some antiseptic and gauze from the first aid kit. She was about to get to seeing that nose of yours but something was amiss.
“You got hit but I don’t see any wound or anything anywhere”
So with a hint of worry, she checked your withers to see the impact she gave with the skillet. And to her surprise there was none. But you were still out cold but she does not realize that now. And probably she should not have said murder a while back.
“Really...that is...t-that's not funny...”
But then, she panicked. Tears started to well in her eyes, cascading down as she tried to stifle a sob. She looked to your face and was met with a peaceful feeling. And that caused for more concern for her.
“G-Gummy....I think...I-I-I killed him...” she tried to bawl and cry but she knew if she done so, the Cake’s would come running up to check what has happened. She did not want that, so instead she approached her bed and bit the pillow your head was resting on. That should silence her and at the same time she would look at the face that she killed only moments before.
But she could not stop her impromptu confession “I...am so SO sorry! I..I did not mean for this to happen...YOU should have went here first...you could have escaped this fate...but instead you made me kill you and-“
*yawn*
You let out a small yawn before turning your head away from Pinkie. Your yawn was exactly the thing she needed to have the fear of murdering a fellow pony in her entire body to just melt away. And that is enough for Pinkie to have a complete emotional 180. And a perfect way to finally ease out the tension that was previously held in the room, Gummy found your head to be an open target for him to crawl onto.
She just smiled at this.
So in a moment of inspiration, Pinkie went about her chalkboard to plan. A plan so bold, so daring that you would forget about her whacking you with a skillet. But right before she finished writing up her modifications. She let off a yawn of her own. Indeed she did not have a wink of sleep since last night as she was planning your demise. All she wanted to do was interrogate you and stuff, but with the ‘I think I murdered him’ thought popped out. That caused her body to eat up of what’s left of her energy.
So she wanted to make things right, at least.
She wanted to lie on the floor, sure. She did not want to disturb you and being the natural hostess that she is, you are a guest. But her head thought otherwise as her body went gone towards the bed. And since your body has not moved an inch since then, she crawled on over beside you and settling with her back facing you. And she even thanked Celestia that you were just sleeping.
Goodness knows what she’ll do if you actually killed a pony.
After letting out a small yawn, she briefly turns her head to give you another once over. Her eyes scanning your features and flaws. Which to her surprise you don't have many flaws or that many features for that matter. Unless you count that your body is well toned to some extent of being between a Earth Pony and a Pegasi.
'You're kinda cute when you sleep'
So in a sudden heat of the moment, she gives you a quick peck on the lips. Sneakily stealing away your first kiss. Which in hindsight you would never know that you lost. Now thinking the deed was done, she stares at you for a bit more before turning her head back to settle on her pillow.
It was then when she shuffled about right behind you that your body took an unexpected turn. And you ended up hugging Pinkie from behind. Your hooves holding her close as she let out a faint moan. Her face started glowing and her breathing shallowed. As if that wasn’t enough to get her blushing madly, you took this unconscious opportunity to stick your muzzle right into her mane. Giving it an unconscious sniff, you started to nuzzle it affectionately.
And that left Pinkie panting. “Spiced…Spice…please…stop…”
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Misadvantures Ahoy!
This'll be akward in the morning.
690328
Who said anything about morning? Nyehehehehe
But yes, awkward is indeed incoming but as I said who knows. There might be a continuing chapter with this...
oh gods below.. This is not good!
690574
How so Ace, how so?
690588
1. tea's out cold
2. pinks in the same bed as him
3. that last sentence brings bad ideas to my mind
well now i know a princess thats gonna be jelous
Hehe its pinkies turn to squirm
690795
, wait till the next chapter comes. It will be more intense...
Yup, Uh-huh and Eeyup
692572
Not just one, I assure you...
692631
Indeed!...
693843 am i the only one who has to reread there comment to remember y sompony is replying to them?
693866
.........
Uhmm...eh...
Not really
What the fuck pinkie, up made me think you were cupcakein' him.
694912
She wanted too, but without the killing but with more the pressing him hard with questions that would make any male shudder in fear. She refers to this bible of hers called "A Mare's Blind Dating Guide: anything and everything you want to know about dates and so much more! Questionnaire with Sheet included "
694999 XD
pinkierape?
NO GET AWAY PINKIE!
695654
le gasp! Pink Tape?!
No-no, there won't be anything of the sort. Unless you're into that kind of thing then I suggest you go talk to *whisper*
*whisper*
But there will be some bittersweet love and all around lurve!
hahaha
Ohhhhhh so many possible turns from this event is possible
707201
Makes you want to create a whole new Shipping Flowchart for this huh
735217
That and how he will wake up
I already got 24 possible events for when he wakes or while he sleeps.
Remove some crazy and we are down to 8.
Lets see if i can gues correct shall we?
739045
Go ahead! And if you guess right...well I dunno...maybe I could feature your ponysona in the story. That is usually my prize for you guys.
You say 24 possible events huh? Well then let me have em....
Ponies don't have arms... also why did Pinkie hit him with the skillet? I seem to have gotten lost there.
Why he date-snuggling pinkie...I sense naughty bits comin..
925008
I hear my sanity writing a divorce paper