Chapter 10 - Maybe it’s the suit...
Chapter 10 – Maybe it’s the suit... [1/5]
It is morning and the time, half past breakfast.
“At least the toilet works”s
Which is makes for good luck. Having spent a couple of days on the road, you indeed appreciate nature for its lack of toilet paper. But at least the trail mix and the fruits you brought along made for good bowel movement. Sarcasm and actual fact aside, having and owning a toilet makes for good company.
Well that is easy for you to say after eating the entire bag of desserts Pinkie gave, sure. Tasty they are but the amount of cream they contained did wonders to your colon. You decide then to test your toilet to find that it indeed works. You also give the bathroom a spritz of some cologne you found from the leftover stuff, just in case.
So now having cleaned up the dinner table, you realize you have nothing to do.
Well maybe you do. The standing tasks at the moment are to meet up with Twilight Sparkle. And the other is to find a job. Anything else in between would be gathering up some supplies and exploring the rest of the town. Even though Pinkie Pie did tour you around, however you feel that it would do you some good to at least go around and experience the town by yourself. The market seems like a good place to start.
Who knows, you might be lucky enough to stumble upon some bacon. But you don’t think it would happen anytime soon. Unless should a carnivorous species decide to sell their wares in the market today. Some ham would be nice.
Now that you decided upon today’s course of action, you begin to ready yourself. Preparing your bit purse you gave yourself a good look over, making sure that you look presentable and smell nice. All the while you thought of the things you would do if you ever found some semblance of any deli related particulars. You chuckle at the thought of acquiring a good slab of bacon. It will be glorious!
Giddy like a school foal you hurry yourself out the house, making sure to grab a coupon or two for the bakery. To your surprise as you open the door, there stood Derpy with a mailbag on her back and a small unicorn atop her head. The foal lseems cautious yet she is beaming with confidence and security that she is with her mother today.
“Morning!”
“Ha’wo!”
“Good morning as well Derpy. And hello to you little one, you must be Dinky”
“How did you know my name mister?” the little foal asks as she fixes herself back up her mom’s head.
“Your mom here is quite proud; she told me all about you”
“I like him momma, he’s nice. Don’cha think so momma?”
“I know he is muffin” she gives her child a smile then faces you with a smile as well.
“Thank you little one”
“You’re welcome!”
“So Derpy, what do I owe your lovely presence today?” this comment received a great blush from the mailmare. Her daughter was slightly suspicious but all the same flattered that her mom is being praised for being beautiful and nothing else.
“Well, you received priority mail last night, it came straight from the Palace Post. It also came with a request.” she rummages thru her mailbag and retrieves a scroll with two seals, one dark blue and the other golden yellow. She also hoofs you a clipboard with an attached quill on it. “You need to sign this. The request stated to have your postal status upgraded. So now you have your own locker box back at the post office.”
“Thanks for the delivery then but I did not request a postal upgrade”
“Don’t worry about, the requestor already went and gone thru the process. All you need is to sign that so I can give you your key”
“If you say so” you tell her just as you sign the form, reading it a bit just to make sure. “So that means all my mail goes to the box then?”
“No-no, most mail is regularly sifted for us couriers to deliver by hoof. They are your typical regular and priority mail addressed to you; some packages that could be delivered physically go thru the same process. But postal boxes, like the one you have now, are reserved for mail that are directly addressed to the box or any package that could not be delivered by courier”
“This one time, momma was asked to bring this huge package. But this violet lady was mad because momma was late. It was not momma’s fault that the box was big” the unicorn filly starts to move her arms, gesturing on how big the box was.
“Well that means I should not order big boxes, so that your mom would have an easier time, right?”
“Right”
“It is no problem at all on how big the box is. I have a job after all”
“But I already promised your daughter here. I can’t do anything about it but pick those big boxes myself. I would be much of a stallion if I don’t carry big boxes, right Dinky?”
“Right!”
“Well then, I suppose I should thank you in advance.”
“It is my pleasure”
“But don’t be picking up most of your mail now, I still have a job do to.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it Derpy”
Just as Derpy was about to thank you, Dinky thought it would be a great idea to slip into her mom’s mailbag rummaging around as if she was looking for a specific item.
“Dinky!”
And right before she was about to pull her foal out by the tail, Dinky pops her head out in a way would remind you of a gofer sticking out a hole. Her hooves hold on to the rim of her bag as she gives you a maroon envelope with your cutie mark on it.
“Hir y’go” Dinky tried saying it clearly as possible but her voice muffled by the envelope in her mouth.
“What have you got there?”
“I almost forgot! I was supposed to give this to you and was asked to give this as soon as I arrived. How clumsy of me”
You carefully magic the envelope out of Dinky’s mouth, giving her a small pat on the head in thanks for the envelope. And her mother gave her a loving nuzzle for remembering the envelope. After that brief nuzzle, Dinky took to her moms head once more. Clearly this kid loves her mom so much, the amount of love these two shares is delightful.
“So who is it from?”
“This particular envelope has a privacy clause on it. So...” Derpy gestures a zipping motion atop her lips, giving you the impression that this letter was given in a sworn oath of secrecy to administer
“...momma can’t tell you which pony sent you that letter. She said it is a secret”
“A secret huh?” you say as you inspect the front and back it. It indeed had your cutie mark on its front. The entirety of the envelope is simple enough save for the golden filigree near its edges.
“So why don’t you open it Spice. We’re curious about what it says”
“Open, open!”
“Okay” you say as you fumble around into opening the envelope. Though you are already using your magic to hold on to it, why not use it right? So you magic the flap open and slide out a simple looking card. It says:
‘Be here at 7:00 PM sharp!’
“Huh...that’s all she wrote I guess.” You say as you put the envelope away. As much as you enjoy solving a few puzzles and mysteries, the envelope is vague.
“Well I think that is great advice, don’t you muffin?” Derpy says as she looks up to her daughter, giving her a suspicious, brief wink.
“Yup!” Dinky cheerily said as she bit on a muffin that she attained mysteriously. The little one taking great strides in making sure she does not crumb up her mother’s head.
“Wait what?”
“Muffin, it seems as we ran out of, well, muffins. So why don’t we go to the bakery and get some”
“Yay! Can I get Banana Nut muffin, momma? I’ve already done all my homework”
“Sure you can! So Spiced Tea, here is your key to your mail locker and have a great day, see you later”
“Bye Bye!”
“Umm...Bye I guess”
And not another word more, mother and daughter left to the promise of yummy muffins. And that leaves you staring into nothing in particular with a key in hoof. If anypony were to notice you now, it would have looked like you were dumped by your girlfriend...umm marefriend. That would be a more appropriate term, you are part of another species now after all.
Although being dumped is a too familiar feeling that you wish you could do without in this place. At least the company here is fine, right?
“It looks ta me like y’seen a ghost or somethin” said an all too familiar voice.
You shake your head a couple of times before placing the cryptic envelop of yours into your door’s mail slot. Upon completing that you then face the big red stallion who is hauling a half full cart. You give him a chuckle before responding.
“Something like that. You sure took your sweet time in Canterlot Big Mac”
He chuckled “Ah saw this ‘ere book sale and Ah just had t’get some. Y’never know if y’need a copy of ‘1001 recipies for Apples, Peaches and Oranges’ or ‘A Gentlecolts guide to dapper hats’. Ah thought they might be good reads”
Big Mac motions you to follow him and so do you . Probably heading to Sweet Apple Acres to deposit his belongings and what not, he might need the company. This might give you the opportunity to explore the country side a bit more. You could not do so yesterday with Pinkie Pie, as it was getting dark and you turned pack mule to her supplies. At least this time you have a bit of freedom.
And from the impression Big Mac gave you on the road, he might be a better tour guide. He looks the part of the silent working whose mental acuity is well overshadowed by his facade. So his silence makes for a very good equalizer from Pinkie’s exploding phatic speech.
Wow, that’s deep.
“The recipe book I understand but I don’t think a book about dapper hats would change anything”
“Maybe ya right and maybe you’ll never know if y’need to dress fancy for a refined occasion. Like say a date with a fancy mare or something”
“Like that would happen to me anytime soon”
“You’ll never know if ya don’t try”
You both walk along Stirrup Street. This gives you the chance to glance around at the many establishments that are now in the middle of setting up shop. Many of whom are just about to flip their sign from closed to open. The wares some of which range from the basic commodity to the absurd looking potions and reagents, their shopkeepers giving their wares a good rearrange before the day’s start.
“Did you get any other books that are about something besides hats and fruits?” you ask as you glance at his cart, seeing as there are more under that tarp that he still hasn’t mentioned.
“I got this ‘Discourse on the Philosophy of Logic’, ‘Abstract approach to all things strange, extraterrestrial and occult for ponies’, ‘Myths and Legends volume 9: Humans’, ‘The Modern Ponies guide to Candy Undergarments’, ‘Everyday Elixiers from the Exiting to the Exotic’, PlayColt an PlayMare collection, san’ a couple more books on the such and such. Y’know books to help pass tha time.”
“I picked up that you were a secret intellectual a while back but the later two you mentioned don’t actually fit into scholarly pursuits” you end that with a snicker as you both know that those magazine are indeed ‘scholarly’
“Well you may never know if yer in need subjects for art studies”
And cue laughing like a pack of hyenas.
“Sounds to me like you’re trying to build a library, but I don’t think people would appreciate those magazines out in the open.”
Another chuckle escaped from the red pony as he whisked his now known trademark piece of grass around. “I don’t think so, some of this ‘ere books are for tha library, as Ah kinda promised to bring back some. Twilight knew about tha sale an’ thought that Ah could acquire some for her”
“Is that right?”
“Eeyup”
It felt like you are forgetting something. Something that you just told yourself this morning that feels to be a pressing matter. Oh well.
What you both did not notice is that you two were not alone. In the time that both of you conversed about softcore magazines, a mysterious figure went and approached you, righting himself next to your ear.
“Righteous!”
“AAHH!” you scream along with a magic explosion. Wow...how many jokes can one make from premature conjuration? Well whatever the case, you got knocked out. So whatever that spell was for, it did no such effect to anypony or anything around you.
“Mornin’ Chilly” Funny how Big Mac casually greets this newcomer but you wouldn’t know this because you’re out cold.
“Heeey Mac, how’s Canterlot, got a better deal with the apples? Oh, who’s the new dude? Is he dead?” this blue colt found it interesting to be poking you with a stick. With any luck, candy might pour out of your a-
“Ah think he jus’ faintin’ is all”
“Alright! Give my regards to the new dood.”
“Will do, an stay of tha clover once in a while. You jus’ might keel over one day”
“Don’t worry, I will be chillin like the new dood tonight after I race my cart off caraway’s hill”
“Ah don’t think that’s a good plan. Mah sister hasn’t cleared off tha ditch from tha last barn. An’ Ahm pretty sure there’d be a crater there!”
Too late, it seems as this newcomer, Chilly, had found his resolve to cart down that said hill. Now he is storming away with that cart of his, filled with whatever he could find. Those bags might probably be his clover stash, and that sure is a lot for one pony to smoke.
“Nurse Blueheart ain’t gonna like that one bit...”
Granny Smith matriarch of the Apple family and founder of Ponyville, is whipping up something fierce. You now sit in her kitchen waiting on her to dispense this ‘Apple Family remedy’. Now you know by experience that these family recipes are more or less painful. Strictly speaking more or less painful to your colon or what else have you in your gut. Hence the term gut rot, but your mother raised you well so be polite and drink that poison...er remedy.
Why are you in this situation, well you give yourself a quick recap: You started coughing up blood after you came too. In any time of day would render anyone on their knees in pain trying to crawl for salvation from the hurt. But it is a good thing that a good toss into a cart wouldn’t fix, so at the end Big Mac hauled your sorry ass into the farm proper.
“There ya go sonny! You’ll be as quick as a whip in to time if ya’ll drink that up!”
You were given a glass of a lovely and oddly moving by itself sort of sludge. You swear that it started to acknowledge your presence when you asked it.
“Are you alive?”
Well in any case you have gone bottoms up on the “remedy”. You found it funny just as it started to crawl out of your mouth. It gave you a chocking or drowning feeling when it disliked the idea of going through your digestive track and next morning will become, well, shit.
But at least Big Mac was there to offer whatever support he could give. His support came in a form of a sweet smelling clear liquid in a shot glass.
“Here drink this, it’ll get that thing down yer throat. Trust me, Ah drank that remedy far too much t’count. Especially the mornin’s after”
Still hesitant, you give the shot glass another whiff. It still smells sweet and nothing more, probably some syrup.
“Bottoms up again I guess...”
*gulp*
“GAAHH! My throat...it burns! What is this stuff?!”
“That stuff ya reffering to is Juniper Mead. It ferments red and distills clear but is as sweet as honey an’ can buck ya’ in tha mouth if yer not careful.”
‘Does anypony believe in heads up?’ nope, not really. Especially in a place called Ponyville.
“It is kinda sweet as the heavens but it burns my throat like hell. At least it made the remedy go down smoother. Any longer and I think I would have been the first to die from a remedy”
Big Mac chuckles at this as he puts away the shot glass and the nondescript bottle of Juniper Mead. Making sure that the bottle is properly sealed as he taps the cork. And if that wasn’t enough, he gently taps a wooden panel in the wall and out popped a secret door, revealing to you a well stocked and looks to be an expensive mini-bar. The brief peek at the cache did not last long as Big Mac stored the bottle and shot glass. He gave the lifted panel a slight lift and let it fall flush into the wall, giving it a tap to have its locks engage.
*cough*
“Are you certain I should be drinking liquor after I spouted blood?”
“Eeyup! Tha mead was to kill tha remedy an let it go down smoothly”
“So it was alive. This would be the first time that I witnessed life created out of a pot!”
“Eeyup, but it be best that ya need not tell any other ponies. Some of tha folk here actually drink tha stuff. Can’t make heads of how or why but it be best that Granny does not know about it”
Well, you yourself could not make heads or tails either about that stuff. And knowing that it is already working its magic inside you, whatever that means. And a gurgle or two later like clockwork Big Mac offered you a slice of pie. And you wouldn’t even have guessed that the pie is made of apples and it is steaming, probably came straight from the oven.
Big Mac was in the process of getting the first spoon of his slice of pie into his mouth when-
*knock-knock*
“Hmm?”
“Eckspctng sm-on Bg Macsh?”
“Prob’ly one of them Salesponies again”
Ah salesponies, the common scourge of both Earth and Equestria. Even through several layers of differences of specie, the design of this scourge remains the same. It might be that fedora that they all wear or that dodgy clip-on necktie that seems to be standard, who knows. But what you do know that Big Mac requires luck for the strength not to murder the salespony outright. The look on his face says all about the issue.
‘Maybe it’s the suit...’
But it is such shame though to have a perfectly warm pie grow cold, so you shake off your idle thoughts and place your attention to the pie, whose aroma hit your nose just as you press the spoon into it with your hoof. Giving it a good whiff before lifting the spoonful into your mouth, carefully savouring the cinnamon and apple scent. And it tastes better than it smells too.
“Hello Big Mac, sorry for the bother and I know you just arrived but I need to talk to you about Applebloom” your ears twitch.
Not a salespony, nope. You gave yourself one more spoonful before checking out who the farm pony is talking to at the door. By the sounds of the voice, this mare knows the Apple family as well. Might as well go introduce yourself but you might have a feeling after the weird dialogue from Sunny two days back finds the upcoming greet a landmine. That Sunny aka crazed horny princess of the sun might have something to do with you and mares, and this something might be magic. Whatever.
So upon clearing up the plate, you move on out to the hall way. Giving a left turn you happen across this scene. Big Mac by the door and standing there is a yellow foal with a huge red ribbon and a pink earth mare. The latter explaining something to Big Mac that you couldn’t quite catch. And in effect made the little foal face the floorboards of the porch; a look of shame.
Quite a common sight which you have gone through many yourself, your heart bleeds for the child.
“...so after I broke the scuffle, I found Applebloom and Diamond Tiara giving each other an impromptu leg hold and sleeper lock...” you heard the mare say.
All Big Mac gave was a stern look to the foal that more or less made the foal wince without eye contact. Though it wasn’t the look that said ‘You are in so much trouble’ but it is the more ‘We need to talk later so you can tell me the whole story’.
“...the blame throwing started then after. I had to suspend class early for this. I don’t really know how it started but that scuffle made it look like it was a free for all. I really sorry to be the bearer of this news-“
The mare’s speech was cut short by a sudden outburst from the child. She shouted in blinding fury as the dashed into the house and up the stairs behind you. It looked like she had enough. And again an all too familiar seen but without the animosity you are accustomed to.
“Oh! I’m so sorry Big Mac I didn’t realise you had a guest”
“Eeyup”
Now that you are discovered, you move out of cover. Not that you were in cover mind you but nonetheless move out to meet Big Mac’s guest.
“Don’t worry about it. That scene there reminded me way too much of my childhood myself” you say as you took place between them but before Big Mac ushered the mare inside.
“It is alright I suppose but I fear that this case was more than anything to have Applebloom act this way”
“Eeyup” still talking with his cryptic one liners but oddly so around this company, nervous perhaps?
“What was the cause of it in the first place anyway?” you ask although hesitantly as it is not your place to do so.
“It was another bout of Diamond Tiara teasing her for her lack of a Cutie Mark. But unlike the previous confrontations those girls had, Applebloom decided that a piece of her mind meant a piece of her hoof in the others face”
Big Mac led you both into the living room; the perfect place to discuss a touchy subject without prying ears and curious gossip mongers. But making sure to close the door leading to a back room quietly, as you suspected Granny Smith would be taking her nap.
“Forgive me but I didn’t catch your name?” the mare said as she sat on the couch opposite of the arm chairs you and Big Mac sat on.
“Sorry about that, Spiced Tea, pleased to meet you miss?” you extend your hoof over to her and she gladly shakes it in reply.
“Cheerilee, I'm Applebloom's teacher”
After the brief introduction, the room fell into a comfortable silence. A silence that would describe Big Mac entirely as he strangely found this time to read a book out from his recent acquisitions. But the silence only lasted a minute before Cheerilee spoke up. And yet again you feel this nagging hunch that the white troll of the sun might have done something to you. With Big Mac present, this dialog with Cheerilee would not turn out so bad. Right?
“So, what brings you here to Ponyville? Are you staying for the night or just passing through because Big Macintosh promised some hard cider of his?” she smiles at the red stallion, although never meeting her gaze he lets out a low chuckle. "Seriously Mac, alcohol?"
The red stallion looked up from his book also to reveal he wears reading glasses “In mah own defence, Ah don’t have any cider this month. But Ah already offered him mah personal stash of Juniper Mead” With that said he promptly return to his reading, grinning.
“Is that right?”
You nod in reply “Staying indefinitely, my choice and so far I like it here. Just moved in 3 days ago by Fount square.”
“Really, my house is in that district too. Don’t tell me you’re the one who moved into that two story house with the beautiful windows?” she asked with a knowing stare.
It was like every citizen in Ponyville knows where everypony lives, crazy. But you’ve got to love that!
“The mayor even offered it to me at a lower price. Though I can seem to figure out why most couples that move in tend to move out” knowing that the last three days here, you really never wondered till now: why do couples hate the house. Well not hate but there is something going on that's for sure.
“Some rumours spouted that the house was developed by a nutcase. My students tell me the house is haunted but I believe it is a wonderful house” she said but then she started to blush and fume...hard “But there are times when the house gets a little...rowdy at times. In the late hours of the night, the house seems to...amplify some of the...noise making and well I think that is one reason the house is infamous”
And now she is out right steaming but with a couple of headshakes later it seems that she is back to normal. Over at his chair, Big Mac still reading a book but only this time he switched titles. The last one was ‘Capers, Olives and Cheeses: Guide to cooking in Preece’ and this one is entitled ‘What to do with Onions and how to make something out of them’
Not an engaging bunch of books but it seems to have Big Mac enjoy them so.
“I think the house is alright and it is a good thing that Mayor Mare gave me all the stuff inside that was left by the previous owners. Though I don’t think I have any use for some of the things in those boxes” you say, remembering that last night you discovered that the house has a two story basement as well.
Kind of like those houses with those built in bunkers but yours seems to be filled to the brim with boxes, trunks and lockers of every size. It was also that night that you deemed that you have too much stuff.
"Well, you could always sell them at the Bazaar. And since your new here it would give you the perfect opportunity to meet the townsfolk"
"I can do that? No paperwork or license or anything?"
"Well, all y'need tah do is go to tha town hall an' sign if yer willin to sell somethin. An you also need ta sign for fer a booth or a tent. If ya have a cart or a folding wagon, just haul it in" Big Mac says as he switches to another book.
"Huh? I never thought that it would be easy like that"
"Ponyville has developed itself to be efficient and sufficient town as far as I can remember growing up here" Cheerilee says as she picks up 'Gentleponies guide to Dapper Hats', looking into its contents and book cover.
"Anymore things I should know about? I had someone guide me around town yesterday but it wasn't enough" you enquire before picking up a title for yourself as well, 'Making the Brew: Artform and fuction in brewing beverages'.
"Well, what else do you want to know about? Big Mac and I would be happy to fill you in"
It was then you spent your morning in the Sweet Apple Acres homestead. Chatting away, finding out what there is about the town from special sets of perspective. One silent, secretive intellectual stallion and a cheery, insightful mare. No awkward foul ups of any kind, which makes for this days survival duration to 5 hours since sunrise.
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Another update..... good. Enjoyed
931836>>932661 Thank you!
So, when is he going to meet any of the Mane 6?
I've probably missed some chapters so forgive me if he's already met them.
969341
and you are forgiven!
Well, he already met up with PInkie, and soon, quite soon he'll meet a flyer and a gatherer *hint hint*
nice one.
juniper mead.. Isn't that a type of tree? juniper I mean.... *facedesk* of course. Juniper berries...
:3
hmm, I really want to be able to make tea's life miserable in this FIC somehow...
how about you show me how you would use my character to make tea's life that tinseey tiny wee bit harder
1025759
Just send me a PM about your Ponysona.....me PM box is feeling empty these days..
Juniper and Juniper berries...one is pretty tasty the other is pretty indigestion
1025807
Weeeellll....This chapter is another story day so its 1/4....YOU my crazy little insert will be placed within the confines of the next story day. Which makes for more laughs. Though I need a bit of detail on how to use you as well as how crazy I can make Spiced Tea's life.
MOAR
1069469
Coming right up....just as soon as the 502s make it possible.
1071402i thought the 502s have passed?
1071453
Some have, but they tend to stray into areas you would least expect them....chapter publish....they are a scourge and still annoy me to this time. Hold on friend! Keep this thing on Read later and a brand new chapter you shall find!
1071512yay
Will there be an update soon?
1165762
. Just need to get it to my lovely proof-reader and the chapters are as good as yours my friend! 
Eeyup!
1167503
Lovely. Looking foward to it.
1167707
Thank you for that! And for the inconvenience please accept this complementary Fluttershy!
1167956
Sorry to bother you again, but any news?
1379433
I did promise that it would get released a few weeks ago and I am sorry for the delay. But it seems as though my proof reader dissappeared without a moments notice. But Chapters 11, 12 and 13 are ready but need to be proof read.
Could you wait until then to sort this out? And I promise that you will have a great read when I do a massive submission!
1405580
I can wait. I like this story and I've waited this long. I can wait longer. I'm just checking in on the progress.
1406233
Thank you for your patience my friend!
1416606
Checking in again. Any luck with an editor?
1541887
Yes YES YES!
And by the time you read this, the chapter is in the works of being posted so stay tuned!
1543387
Awesome
....What's the cutie mark? I haven't seen it yet.