"I almost died. I didn't though. I got turned into a mare. It hurt a lot but I didn't die. Thats a lot better than what most people who get a shard of metal through their spine can say."
I'm sorry but every time I start to get into the story I run across a missing word, or the wrong word or something spelled wrong. I like the premise of the story and I most certainly have nothing against HIE stories but please get a prereader, there are several on this site who would be willing to help. Below are just some of what I’ve spotted. There are others in the first two chapters also. I think that a lot of it is just too much trust in spell check. Good luck, I'll be back later for another shot at this.
by it self ( by its self you.I ( missing space ) to there duties ( their ) will just [ ] me and you (be) Your in the ( you’re ) species then ponies (than) bit to get though (through) out any cloths (clothes ) that don't wearing anything (wear) and he thoughts became (his)
Yes, this needs a LOT of help, both in grammar and story-driving. I mean, seriously. The characters are OOC, the happenings are rushed, the whole thing is generally hard to read. Don't take it wrong, I'm not meaning offense, this is hardly a constructive criticism. I suggest complete rewriting.
"It sounds like that because I have. If it's really the only way then that's it. I don't want to die, and hey, being a pony doesn't sound bad. One question though. Do ponies eat hey?"
I'm sorry but every time I start to get into the story I run across a missing word, or the wrong word or something spelled wrong.
I like the premise of the story and I most certainly have nothing against HIE stories but please get a prereader, there are several on this site who would be willing to help. Below are just some of what I’ve spotted. There are others in the first two chapters also. I think that a lot of it is just too much trust in spell check. Good luck, I'll be back later for another shot at this.
by it self ( by its self
you.I ( missing space )
to there duties ( their )
will just [ ] me and you (be)
Your in the ( you’re )
species then ponies (than)
bit to get though (through)
out any cloths (clothes )
that don't wearing anything (wear)
and he thoughts became (his)
4679998 I thought as much might happen. I appreciate your honesty and I'll do my best to clean up. Thank very much for pointing this out to me.
4680122 I know, someone else has already pointed it and others out to me. I still appreciate the constructive criticism.
4680213 It's fine, it just makes me glad that you cared enough to try and help. So thank you!
One not pointed out: 'brought you to ares' should be ours.
4682249 Thank you for catching that.
Yes, this needs a LOT of help, both in grammar and story-driving.
I mean, seriously. The characters are OOC, the happenings are rushed, the whole thing is generally hard to read.
Don't take it wrong, I'm not meaning offense, this is hardly a constructive criticism.
I suggest complete rewriting.
4682934 OOC... I don't get much from that in my perspective so eyyyy and I'm replying to a 75 week comment from over a year ago so ayyy
"Do ponies eat hay?"