Rainbow Dash, Power Pony alias "Zapp," lives to save the day and keep citizens free from tyranny. But when she unknowingly falls for one of her arch-enemies, can she salvage the situation? Or will her divided loyalties cost her everything?
Hmm...I'm very curious as to what you will do with Hypnosis/mind control hopefully, being fairly soon...also one error I'd like to point out, when you listed out the identities of the Power ponies, You neglected to mention Mistress Marevelous being Applejack.
Having to resist making the cheesy meme reference. But all things aside I think this is an awesome story concept. The narrator style writing suits it really well.... Uh I can't think of anything else to say that won't be a paragraph of rambling...
Well I think you succeeded in making it sound like an 80s -esc comic (it's the sort of vibe I was getting from it without even being told) so good on ya. Also you made me laugh through how it was written (as previously stated) and that's an easy way to win me over. I can't wait for more.
Why be named filisecond when you can only travel miles per hour, why would she question what a button does when she's unplugging something, you probably meant welding torch not wielding torch, hickies not hickeies, garcon means boy and referring to a waiter as such is rude. (You may want to re-read this chapter because there are some grammatical errors.)
Hmm...I'm very curious as to what you will do with Hypnosis/mind control hopefully, being fairly soon...also one error I'd like to point out, when you listed out the identities of the Power ponies, You neglected to mention Mistress Marevelous being Applejack.
4994575
Oh, crud, did I forget Applejack?
... Aaaand fixed.
Also, yes, the mind control will be either chapter two or three.
Having to resist making the cheesy meme reference. But all things aside I think this is an awesome story concept. The narrator style writing suits it really well.... Uh I can't think of anything else to say that won't be a paragraph of rambling...
i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt38/Phantom_Requiem/original.jpg~original
Sorry...
4994625 well, part of me hopes it is in chapter 2...
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I understand wanting to see it soon, but I can't just use everything I have planned all at once.
4996350 I know!
Well I think you succeeded in making it sound like an 80s -esc comic (it's the sort of vibe I was getting from it without even being told) so good on ya. Also you made me laugh through how it was written (as previously stated) and that's an easy way to win me over. I can't wait for more.
Very well done and not what I expected. Good job.
Why be named filisecond when you can only travel miles per hour, why would she question what a button does when she's unplugging something, you probably meant welding torch not wielding torch, hickies not hickeies, garcon means boy and referring to a waiter as such is rude. (You may want to re-read this chapter because there are some grammatical errors.)
Sorry if I'm nitpicking. I can't help myself.
Have fillisecond do a Sweet Dreams are made of these scene from Apocalypse.