• Member Since 19th May, 2013
  • offline last seen Sep 14th, 2017

Darkryt Orbinautz


Still slowly trying to disentangle from MLP. It is ... slow going.

Comments ( 78 )

Hmm...I'm very curious as to what you will do with Hypnosis/mind control hopefully, being fairly soon...also one error I'd like to point out, when you listed out the identities of the Power ponies, You neglected to mention Mistress Marevelous being Applejack.

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Oh, crud, did I forget Applejack?

... Aaaand fixed.

Also, yes, the mind control will be either chapter two or three.

Having to resist making the cheesy meme reference. But all things aside I think this is an awesome story concept. The narrator style writing suits it really well.... Uh I can't think of anything else to say that won't be a paragraph of rambling...

i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt38/Phantom_Requiem/original.jpg~original

Sorry...

4994625 well, part of me hopes it is in chapter 2...

4996264

I understand wanting to see it soon, but I can't just use everything I have planned all at once.

Well I think you succeeded in making it sound like an 80s -esc comic (it's the sort of vibe I was getting from it without even being told) so good on ya. Also you made me laugh through how it was written (as previously stated) and that's an easy way to win me over. I can't wait for more.

Both High Heel and the League of Villiany are real, and not made up by you? And yes, League of Villiany is rather...generic. I would have chosen Sinful Six myself...

So is High Heel supposed to be Fleur de Lis? Also. Whens my hypnosis coming???

The cheesy narration is on and off. Some lines are good, but it's often just not there.

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I felt that, but I was determined this chapter would be up today. I blame not re-reading enough cheesy material so that the florid prose seeps into my brain. I need to bust out some old comics again before I start work on the next chapter.

5178203

No, High Heel is not Fluer-de-lis. I may have skipped it in my description, but High Heel is an Earth pony with a white coat, red mane, and yellow eyes. Fluer-de-lis is a white unicorn with a pink mane and pink eyes.
Also, PIPE DOWN. You'll get your hypnosis next chapter.

5178148

Yes, they're real and not made up by me. But League of Villainy is canon and generic, so I wanted to refer them by their canon at least once - just once - before I began referring to them by a different, original moniker, so it would be clear that I was referring to the League of Villainy (canon) when I said, in this case, "Sinful Six" (fanon). They'll be called the Sinful Six from now.

5179306 Mmm. I have more questions, but I suspect I will get my answers in later chapters.

Very well done and not what I expected. Good job.

I regret not reading this sooner... Curse my procrastination, CURSE IT!

It's for the story as in there's an explanation or as in the plot called for them being inexplicably unreasonable?

Also, I'm confused whether Maniac knows Rainbow Dash is a superhero.

Your right. the other ponies ARE unreasonable at the end. that's just flat out being jerks....I mean come on...why the hay, would they call in back up, for their friend WHO WANTS TO PROVE HERSELF as 'still got it' when the back up they call, NEARLY KILLS THEIR ARCH ENEMY....BEFORE SHE CAN EVEN DO ANYTHING...SHe being none other than Dash at this point...also I LOVE that hypnosis...Totally would be in character...

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She wasn't going to kill her! ... if we can believe Daring Do.

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Of the "The plot called for" variety. :raritydespair: Yes, I know that's poor writing.

Yes: The Mane-iac/Tresemme puzzled together Firefly was Rainbow Dash before they went in the tub, and at the salon, she realized Rainbow Dash was Zapp. That's why she goes "Huh? Ah."

5986320 Fair enough.....Though I'm positive she'd kill my dear Maneiac...that being said. I'd LOVE to do an RP of this...except putting Myself in Dash's position...as being the One Maney ends up being in love with, and Possibly loves back just as much...along with the Hypno silliness.....cause that style of Hypnosis/mind control is nice...

5986133
Because the Power Ponies have a responsibility. Their friendship is important, but if Zapp can't handle herself, then it needs to be dealt with. If they let their friendship cloud their judgement, the city suffers.

5987600 Hmph! maybe. but that doesn't mean they call in a far more...brutal backup because they don't trust her instantly. Geez. They may have a responsibility but that doesn't mean they instantly pretty much toss her out.

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5987600

I am formally requesting you both end this line of discussion. From the looks of it, it's going to devolve into a flamewar.

I have taken of Reddened Chaos's criticisms and plan to address it in upcoming chapters. I will make note of what 5987600 said and try to keep that in mind as well while I work on the details of said upcoming chapters.

I can think of a few ways this is going to go down. However I'll just sit back and enjoy the show.

I'm loving this story so far. I've seen Tresemme deceiving Dash coming from a mile away, but the revelation still turned out awesome. And now we're finally getting into the Hypnosis/MC-part too (great build-up to it btw).
But why did the Mane-iac not realize earlier that Dash is Zapp? What made her realize it at the Salon?
I'm really looking forward to the next chapter, please try to not let us wait for so long this time :applecry:

5990888

She wasn't particularly thinking of it at the time. In the shower, she had already figured Dash was Firefly since Day 1, more or less. But she simply didn't think to compare their faces until at the salon, where she took a good look and realized she'd seen Zapp's mug before.

I am reminded of the episode of Kim Possible where Dr Drakken creates "Dr Drakken's Brain-Washing Shampoo and Cranial Rinse" (truth in labeling laws).
Also, I know its a cliche comment but, I can not wait to see the next chapter.

5994695

Oh yeah.

I was gonna bring up the resemblance in the Author's Notes for next chapter, as that is where I got the idea from.

So she used her mind control trigger on Dash... But just to have sex with her? She seriously has some priorities issues to miss all the evil opportunities there.

I'm sorry, but I didn't really enjoy this chapter.
First of, how did Rainbow find out so quickly that Tresemme is the Mane-iac? There's no connections for her to make aside from the random kiss the Mane-iac gave her.
And then, when RD confronted Tresemme, why didn't she take advantage of her control over Rainbow Dash? She could've literally rewritten her into a villain, or at least make her forget that she knows her identity.
And lastly, having Discord just outright tell everyone what's going on was really cheap, it would've been so much more interesting to see how the rest of the Mane 6 slowly discover what's going on while Rainbow Dash gets more and more screwed over by Tresemme's mind control.
A lot of missed opportunities there, and just when the story started to get interesting too.
It seems to me like you just want this story to end by now, that's the only way I can explain why you're picking up the pace so drastically.

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6000808

That's the thing though, Mane-iac is genuinely in love with Rainbow same as Rainbow is genuinely in love with her. She didn't fully mind control her because A) she only implanted arousal triggers when she used the mind control shampoo on her and B) because she didn't want to mind control Rainbow, she just wanted to get her in the mood so they could have some fun to avoid the horrendously awkward moment of discovering they are arch enemies.

Twilight went down a few rooms to a portrait. The hall was open-access, unlike some of their Power Pony stations, and the portrait was in full view of any who wished to see. It was easy to see and just as easy to overlook. But if one were to go up to and examine it, they would eventually catch onto the fact it depicted the Power Ponies. But not the Power Ponies as they appeared in the present day, no. This was exposed by the different in their coats and manes.

See, Twilight's team were not the original Power Ponies – that title belonged to this team, here, in the portrait. So technically, they would be “Matter-horn II,” “Radiance II,” and so on. One day, after a serious of grueling and painful events involving both Twilight's friends and the original Power Ponies, the Power Ponies decided they needed to step down and retire. They asked Twilight's friends to be their successors – to keep the legend alive and protect the city of Maretropolis.

They gave Twilight's friends training, their costumes and magic items, and disappeared for parts unknown. But not before leaving Twilight a golden ring with an onyx set into it – the Power Ponies promised Twilight, even if they were retired, all she had to do was push the onyx into the ring like a button and they would return to Maretropolis to deliver some geriatric butt-whoopings.

It would be interesting to see a story based off this.

It seems to me that the author wanted to tell a story about a love across battle lines, but realized the brainwashing shampoo plot was taking over, as brainwashing plots are wont to do. He doesn't want to tell a story about Rainbow being brainwashed to be a Mane-iac minion, hence we get the acceleration.

6064945

Well, when you put it that way, I wanted to do both ...

But of course, a "love across battlelines" becomes moot when you're brainwashed, so yeah, it didn't come out quite right.

6072301

I honestly think it should have been two stories, or the shampoo should have been less effective. Not much you can do at this point, I suppose.

My oh my...this will be interesting...Dash, Don't let yourself be mind controlled..there is another option...there's always another way!

She's going to use the shampoo on Maniac.

Just think of how much fun you can have without any need to worry Rainbow... though maybe you might want to see about remembering her earlier brainwashing sessions first....

If they use the shampoo on the heroes and villains, they won't have to worry about silly factions ;)

6206713

No, no she isn't.

But MAN, I wish I'd thought of that. I may just have to write a "What If?" story exploring what would happen if she did that.

This could go in one of many interesting directions.

Umm how is Rainbow not being there her own fault? How could she have know? None of the others tried to contact her or anything? They all knew she had a date. Not exactly fair to blame her like that.

she's just spread a brainwashing agent into the sky to rain down on everyone. she doesn't quite realize exactly what she did it seems

Huh..... you know I actually have an interesting theory if Rainbow did do all of this and wasn't brainwashed.

Edit: Also here's some perfect music to go along with Rainbow's betrayal:

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...or did she...
i mean it's clear Rainbow is on the bad side now
but do we know if Rainbow switched the Shampoos?
I know Mane-iac would have checked...maybe...but trust you know
and Rainbow had revealed her plans before.

Wow, this story's gotten pretty heavy. Can't wait to see how dark it gets. :rainbowkiss:

I'm a little disappointed we didn't get to see the original Power Ponies. I kept expecting them to show up but they never did.

My god...this was an amazing chapter. also. BUCK YOU DARING DO!!!! I WILL MURDER YOU!!! but yay! I love the ending!

Honestly, I'd love to RP something like this....with my OC being the hero who falls for the Maneiac.

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