A horrid outcome to the battle between Tirek and Twilight. A what-if story that takes place three years after the fall of the royal sisters.
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Seriously Lock Pick and Ra'om need to die for what they did to RD. Hope to see the next chapter soon to see Aaron kill that sadistic DDog.
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The "battle" was cheesy and frankly a let down because supposedly they have fought before but fight like little kids slapping each other and taking turns rather than fighting as a team. Catching arrows point blank range is damn near impossible no matter how "good" you are and she was firing when she could have easily shot one of her own... Not only that throwing an arrow back like that is impossible, it would just bounce off no matter what anyone says, assuming he had the power to do that then his strength is about that of a BALLISTA, his bones would snap instantly from movement like that. How they ever survived as a resistance is beyond me, they would have been slaughtered instantly from the start of their "rebellion." As for Rainbow having her wings ripped off, actually expected that to of happened before he ever met her, oh well.
Bah, too much cheesiness and fake fighting in this chapter for me.
wait SPIKE!?!
6608169 Your feedback is greatly appreciated. I'll be sure to learn from this to ensure that the next chapter has some fighting that is enjoyable. Maybe I'll find a few action oriented fics to learn from. As for the wing thing, if I say it happened, it loses its weight in the story. If I show it happening, it has much more weight in the significance of the story itself.
Hmm, I was wondering what had happened to Spike. So, now he and Sunset Shimmer work as hitmen for Tirek? Nice twist.
Oh, regarding Ra'om, I want to hear him squeal like a pig.
static.comicvine.com/uploads/scale_super/13/135592/2996154-0114958427-12247.jpg
No, seriously, I want to see him die like a beast in the most painful way possible.
6608335 Thank you, I thought so as well.
6608361 .... your profile pic is creepy as hell, you know it?
6608365 Yeah. I know it is.
6608183 I am aware of the significance, it was simply my observation of how you drew it out, also I would have held back Sunset's name for another chapter, you lost a good chance at "mystery and foreshadowing" there.
For the fighting... Oh god do not go hoaxywood on me, if you are not strapped for time look up street fighting and what that actually looks like and entails, it gets NASTY and that is why I chose to learn that over kung-fu or other bullshit. All that matters is WINNING not HOW you win so long as they are DEAD and you ALIVE. If you want to go for weapons pick up some books on swordsmanship, etc. Do not look at fencing... NEVER look at fencing, look at WAR-FIGHTING swordsmanship, axe, spear, mace, etc use. Enough is online anymore you should not need books or diagrams to piece together what REALLY happens in an all out melee.
As for bows or crossbows depending on your future intent: Remember it takes time to get an arrow out, notch it, draw, aim and loose the arrow, this is why archers historically carried extra weapons, they CAN be fast to fire but only COMPARATIVELY so. Get a bow and use it, not only good fun and useful but it might give you some sudden insights on future bow use. Also, the only bow you could realistically draw in an instant would have to be pretty damn weak, a war longbow usually has 150lb+ draw weight historically.
Remember, in a one on one fight at the start expect feints, if someone just lunges you have their ass cold and they are good as dead. Fighting is about quick thinking, INSTINCT, training and conditioning. Again, someone who is used to barroom brawls and just dog-piling someone will find themselves dead very quickly against someone who knows to simply step aside and counter attack. Then again, someone who has a shield up and makes a calculated lunge just might succeed. There is a difference between charging and a blind charge.
You can action pack the hell out of a fight without getting into details so long as you know HOW you want it to end without being hoaxywood or C rate. Mix in a little fantasy with reality and then add sheer brutality and you will have a realistic fight that is eye catching. Just don't overdo it or have them overthink it, keep flowing, fights are fast and furious when there is intent to kill and no one stops, no hesitation, that gets you dead quick.
Remember, street fighting is fun, no rules and anything goes, go for the balls, eyes, ears, toes, fingers or anything you can get a hold of, lingche their ass to death!
6608510 I see. I'll see what I can do in that regard. Looking back... yeah, fighting is not really my strong suit. However, that's a reason I made this fic to begin with. To improve my abilities as I go along. I'll look up what I can over the weekend. Hopefully I'll get a redo on the next chapter.
6608510 As for Sunset, I was considering withholding her name. However, I figured I'd give it out just because. Just having her in there is enough to spark a bit of intrigue. Regardless, I have plenty more secrets and interesting ideas for this fic besides Sunset Shimmer.
6608516 One last word on fights since this is medieval... Do not have them "cross blades" and "ting, ting, ting" against each other. Destroys the blade rapidly by chipping it all to hell, you DEFLECT with a sword, you do not MEET a sword. Oh, do not hold the shield (round, flat shields) directly in front, hold them at an angle so as to deflect the blow otherwise you get skewered. This is why most shields were rounded like the Roman shields, stab all you want but it will just glance off.
More mysteries... Good, I like mysteries!
6608678 Thanks. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. I'll try and apply your advice to the future chapters. A few chapters will be kinda off but I do hope to see if the next two chapters can be used to practice this advice. Maybe to see if I can get this right.
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Are you trying to say something, or has Rainbow's excruciating pain left you speechless?
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In all honesty, I have no idea. I was just doing a goof. As for what I did to Rainbow... I regret nothing, but that doesn't mean I don't feel dirty afterward. There's no going back now.
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True that. I would feel the same way.
What.the.actual.fuck. WHY THE WINGS?!?!? By all means, Why the damn wings mate?!?! Poor rainbow, I feel bad even though it's a story. Ra'mo better get a good ass woopin from Aaron.
6609934 In all honesty, I've been planning this from the start. I'm a terrible person.
Your not a terrible person mate, it's just the story it got to me ya know. Sorry if I made you feel bad But anyways can't wait for the next chapter.
6612635 Nah, its all cool. I'm glad the fic is having some sort of emotion on you, but as I write the next chapter, I think everyone is going to enjoy it... at least that's what I hope will happen.
6609737 both of you need to work on your morse code, back to magic kindergarten with you
6667930 I'm sorry to hear that, but I am glad you are giving it a chance. Yeah, the fic is a bit dark... okay, it's really messed up, but there will be some lighter moments in it.
6668150 To be fair, as my PM stated everything else is fantastic on the story itself. It's not a bad one, but this is a warning to other readers. If you can't stomach.... violence of the sexual nature, or how dark this fic is. It won't be a fic for you. But if you are willing to power through it the story IS very well thought out and indeed very interesting. The characters are good and the main character, Is not a bad one at all and I quite like him. Critical has done a good job with this, and while many would give a downvote. I wont be giving it an upvote only because of not reading it through all the way, which is what I do before voting. But I WILL NOT Give it a downvote simply because it does not deserve it due to my own personal moralities and beliefs on subjects contained within the story.
Hmm interesting. So Spike has been turned into a full blown dragon. Twilight's captured, Lock pick is a traitor (Though despite my PM I have to admit I did suspect it was him, I just dismissed it as I decided not to think to much on it. And now they have no synth magic. *Taps his chin in thought* Man, you have to have some kind of crazy shit in plan for the next chapter to pull this off because at a casual glance it looks like you wrote yourself into a no win situation. This'll be interesting.
You know, a Molotov cocktail would be a bad improvised weapon for Aaron right now
You took her wings why?:(