Derpy and Dinky sat in their living room working on a jigsaw puzzle of kitten watching a mother duck and her ducklings pass by. A knock on the door broke them out of their concentration.
“I’ll get it,” Derpy said, getting up, “Save the ducklings for me please, Dinky.”
“You go it mommy,” Dinky said.
Derpy walked through the house and into the Derpymail section, where the knocking was coming from.
“I wonder who it could be?” Derpy thought out loud.
When she opened the door, Dr. Spiral Swirl was standing there.
“Hi there,” Spiral Swirl said.
“Hi, can I help you?” Derpy asked.
“I was hoping you could do an important delivery for me,” Spiral Swirl said, holding up a box with her magic.
“I’m sorry, but we’re closed for the evening,” Derpy said, “If you’ll come by tomorrow I should have plenty of time to do your delivery no problem.”
“Oh, I think you think you can make time tonight. It is ‘trance time’ after all,” Spiral Swirl said with a smirk.
Derpy gasped upon hearing her trigger phrase and her eyes morphed into black and white spirals as she fell back under Spiral Swirl’s control.
“I’m sorry Mistress, of course I’ll deliver whatever you want me to tonight,” Derpy said.
“That’s more like it,” Spiral Swirl said, stepping inside, “Now then, in this box is a letter to every pony in Ponyville I’ve hypnotized. They contain instructions about when and where a slave meeting will take place. Now I have some very specific instructions on how you are to go about deliv…..”
She was cut off by the door swinging open and smacking her in the face.
“Derpy, I have wonderful news!” Dr. Whooves said, stepping inside, “I got us tickets to Volcana Starlight’s latest production. I had to stand in line for four hours and fight off a rabid piñata, but I got them.”
He then noticed Spiral Swirl step out from behind the door, rubbing her nose.
“I say, what’s going on here?”
“Mistress Spiral Swirl, was just about to give me instructions about how to deliver her letters,” Derpy said.
“’Mistress Spiral Swirl?’ Great wickering stallions! Those spirals in your eyes, calling her Mistress, you’re under some kind of hypnotic spell,” Dr. Whooves said, concern filling his voice.
“Brilliant deduction,” Spiral Swirl said.
“Release her from your control at once!” Dr. Whooves demanded.
“I’m going to have to say no to that,” Spiral Swirl said, as she prepared to pull out her pocket watch, “Why don’t you just relax, and I’ll show you it’s not so bad to be under my hypnotic control?”
Well that didn’t go quiet as planned, Spiral Swirl thought a few seconds later, as she found her self splayed out on the front lawn.
“I’m terribly sorry about that,” Doctor Whooves said, stepping outside, “Normally I detest violence, but I feel you left me with no choice. Now let us avoid any further unpleasantness, by you releasing Derpy from your spell, and turning yourself into the proper authorities.”
Spiral Swirl responded by levitating a few of the flower pots that lined the sidewalk and hurling them at him.
He dived out of the way of the incoming projectiles.
“I see. Well have it your way,” Doctor Whooves said, as he charged across the yard and ran headlong into her, sending her flying.
Spiral Swirl got to her feet and shot a magic blast out of her horn knocking him down.
“Doc! Mistress! Please stop fighting,” Derpy pleaded, “I know, why don’t you let Mistress Spiral Swirl hypnotize you? It’s a very enjoyable experience.”
“Somehow I doubt that,” Doctor Whooves said, as he dodged another flying flower pot.
“What’s going on?” Dinky said, stepping out of the house, having heard the commotion.
“Dinky! Run! Go get help!” Doctor Whooves shouted.
“Sorry, the only pony she’ll be helping is me. Trance time!” Spiral Swirl said, shouting out the trigger phrase.
Dinky gasped as she heard her trigger, and her eyes morphed into black and white spirals.
“How may I serve you Mistress?” Dinky asked.
“Dinky no!” Doctor Whooves cried out in horror.
“Dinky, be a dear and help me put an end to this problem,” Spiral Swirl said, pointing at Doctor Whooves.
“Yes Mistress, I will obey,” Dinky said, as she turned and ran back into the house.
“Do you want me to help Mistress?” Derpy asked.
“No, I can’t have you going around scuffed up from being in a fight,” Spiral Swirl said, “Dinky will do just fine.”
“Not only do you mind control children, but you make them fight your battles for you,” Doctor Whooves said, his voice filled with disgust, “You’re a special kind of monster aren’t you?”
Spiral Swirl responded to his insult by focusing her levitation magic on him.
This won’t end well, Dr. Whooves thought, before she flung him into a tree.
“Yup, I was right,” he said, getting to his feet.
“Give up,” Spiral Swirl said.
“So long as my friends are in danger from the likes of you, I will never give up,” he said, getting into a defensive stance that seemed other worldly to her.
Spiral Swirl readied another flower pot, but put it down when Dr. Whooves cried out in pain.
“What in the world?” he said, turning around to see an arrow sticking out of his rump, it had barley pierced his skin but it still hurt. He looked up to see Dinky leaning out of her window, her bow made of pink magical energy floated beside her, “Since when is she such a good shot? What mad pony gave a child real arrows? And why can’t I move?!”
“It’s amazing what being hypnotized and being stripped of whatever fears or personality quirks were holding her back does for her accuracy,” Spiral Swirl said, walking over to him, “And I don’t know who gave her the real arrows, but the reason you can’t move is because that one had its tip coated in the cockatrice venom I gave her.”
“Paralyzing your opponent, that hardly seems fair,” Dr. Whooves said, glaring at her.
“I’m sure I can change your attitude about that…in fact I’m sure I can change the way you think about a lot of things,” Spiral Swirl said, as she levitated her pocket watch out of her saddle bag and let it dangle in front of his eyes.
“I’m so sorry I let you down Derpy,” Dr. Whooves said, as he looked over at the spiral eyed Derpy.
“Don’t look at her, look at the watch,” Spiral Swirl commanded, as she began swinging it back and forth in front of his eyes, “Watch the watch. Watch it swing back and forth. Back and forth.”
“You’ll never get away with this,” Dr. Whooves said, as his eyes locked on the watch.
“I already have, many many times,” Spiral Swirl said, “Now just relax for me. Watch the watch and relax. You’ve been quiet the nuisance, so the best thing for you to do right now is focus only on the watch and listen only to my voice.”
That watch…her voice…they’re so enchanting, Dr. Whooves thought.
“Just let go, as you continue to watch the watch. Let go of all thoughts, all your anger, all your loyalties, everything that’s a part of you, just let it melt away as you begin to fall under my spell.”
Yes…no thoughts…No…I’ve got to keep fighting…Can’t let her…Can’t…think…I feel…so…empty.
“You don’t want to resist me anymore. I am not your enemy. You don’t want to fight me; you want to be hypnotized by me.”
I don’t need to fight anymore. I need to be hypnotized.
“You’re feeling tired. You’re worn out from our fight. So tired and sleepy.”
“Yessss…sleeeepy,” Dr. Whooves said, his words slurring.
“Let yourself completely go, as you begin to grow drowsy. So drowsy. So sleepy. Feel your eyelids growing heavy. So heavy they feel like you can’t hold them open a single second longer. So, on the count of three you will close your eyes and fall into a deep deep sleep for me. One…giving up any remaining resistance. Two…giving up your free will. Three…giving up your desire to stay awake any longer as you…sleep.”
At the word ‘sleep’ Dr. Whooves’ eyes locked shut, as he fell into a deep hypnotized sleep.
“Now then, you are deeply hypnotized. You are under my complete control. That means you are my slave and must obey me, your Mistress, no matter what. Do you understand?”
“Yes Mistress, I understand,” Dr. Whooves replied, his voice a monotone, “I am your hypnotized slave, how may I serve you?”
“For now just open your eyes but remain hypnotized,” Spiral Swirl commanded.
Dr. Whooves’ eyes blinked open, revealing they were now black and white spirals as well.
“Now then, before I was so rudely interrupted I was getting ready to give you your instructions,” she said, turning to Derpy.
“Yes Mistress, I am ready to receive them,” Derpy said.
“First, when you deliver the letters you will act normal, like you would if you weren’t hypnotized. Second, when you deliver them you will make it a point to say that the contents of the letters are very important and should be read right away. If not every member of the household has been hypnotized by me, you should tell those that have been to read their letters in private. Now, I’m sure many will ask you why you’re delivering mail so late. If they ask you will tell them you were hired by very important client, who wishes to remain anonymous, to deliver them as soon as possible. Do you understand Derpy?”
“Yes Mistress, I understand,” Derpy said.
“Very good. When you return I’ll bring the three of you out of your trances and brief you personally about the slave meeting. Now, you can’t go around town with spirals in your eyes so, so it’s time for a basic concealing spell,” Spiral Swirl’s horn glowed, and there was a brief flash of light. When it cleared Derpy’s eyes had regained their normal appearance.
“Hmmm, better do that again,” Spiral Swirl said, as she cast the concealing spell once more. This time when the flash cleared Derpy’s eyes had their classic cross-eyed look, “There we go.”
“I won’t let you down Mis…I mean Dr. Spiral Swirl,” Derpy said, as she started to ‘act’ normal.
Dinky ran back out of the house to wave goodbye to her.
Spiral Swirl smiled as she took flight, before letting out an exasperated sigh.
“As for you two, I want you to clean up this mess and then wait inside for me to come back.”
“Yes Mistress,” Dinky and Dr. Whooves said in unison.
“Right now though, I need a drink,” Spiral Swirl said, as she walked away rubbing her shoulder.
Derpy delivered a few of the letters before she stopped at Carousel Boutique. She pulled out Rarity and Sweetie Belle’s letters and knocked on the door.
“Oh, good evening Derpy,” Rarity said, opening the door, “Isn’t it awfully late for you to be making deliveries?”
“Yes, but I’ve got a very special client who needed me to make my deliveries as soon as possible,” Derpy said, handing off the letters.
“Very special you say?” Rarity said, her curiosity piqued, “And who might this mystery client be?”
“Sorry, but they wish to remain anonymous,” Derpy said.
“I see.”
“But those letters are very important. Make sure you and Sweetie Belle read them right away,” Derpy said.
“We certainly will,” Rarity said.
“Bye Rarity,” Derpy said, before heading off.
Rarity waved at her, before stepping back inside.
“Sweetie Belle, come down here please!” Rarity called.
Important, anonymous client? And they want us to read their message as soon as possible? What could it be? An invitation to a celebrity party? Maybe a pony we knew long ago wanting to reestablish communication? Hopefully this Very Important Pony hasn’t sent something scandalous, Rarity thought, as she waited for Sweetie Belle.
“What’s going on, Rarity?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“We both just received a letter from a VIP, and they wish for us to read them right away,” Rarity said, handing Sweetie Belle’s letter off to her.
“Okay,” Sweetie Belle said.
Rarity tore her letter open.
From the desk of Dr. Spiral Swirl, she thought, reading the letterhead, What’s this all about? Let’s see here…Trance time…
Upon reading her trigger phrase Rarity gasped and her eyes morphed into black and white spirals. She looked over when she heard Sweetie Belle gasp as well.
“It would seem Mistress Spiral Swirl has something important to tell us,” Rarity said.
“Whatever it is, I will obey her commands,” Sweetie Belle said.
“Me too,” Rarity said, “It seems she’s announcing a meeting for all her slaves to attend. We are to fall back into our trances at 10:45 next Thursday night and make our way to Sweet Apple Acers in such a way as to not arouse suspicion of those in town that haven’t been hypnotized by Mistress Spiral Swirl, especially those that we share our homes with. Once there, the meeting will take place at 11:30 in the barn. Oh, that will be delightful; we’ll get to see who all has been hypnotized by Mistress Spiral Swirl.”
“I wonder if Applebloom and Scootaloo have been hypnotized by her yet?” Sweetie Belle said.
“I guess we’ll find out next Thursday. Now, we are to destroy these letters and then come out of our trances with no memory of receiving them.”
The two of them wordlessly held their letters to the candle sitting on the table and watched them burn to ash. Once they were completely destroyed they came out of their trances.
“Sweetie Belle, I thought you were going to bed,” Rarity said.
“So did I,” Sweetie Belle said, slightly confused.
All across Ponyville, Derpy was hard at work delivering the entrancing letters, making sure to deliver each one personally. If a pony wasn’t at home, she stamped the letters with messages labeling them as ‘imporant’ and ‘It is a federal offence to open another pony’s mail’ to ensure they weren’t met with any tampering.
Spiral Swirl sat alone in an all night café.
The barista, who also happened to be the owner, walked over to her table carrying a tray.
“Here you go, a peach scone and a double mocha, caramel, raspberry cappuccino latte with double whipped cream,” she said, putting the items in front of Spiral Swirl, “That will be nine bits.”
“No, I do believe these will be on the house,” Spiral Swirl said.
“I’m sorry ma’am, but nothing has happened that would necessitate these things being put on the house,” the owner said, as she gave Spiral Swirl and uneasy glance.
“Trance time,” Spiral Swirl said.
The owner gasped as her eyes turned to black and white spirals.
“I’m…I’m sorry Mistress, of course everything you order tonight will be on the house.”
“That’s more like it,” Spiral Swirl said, “Now go back to the kitchen and come out of your trance with no memory of falling back under my spell.”
“Yes Mistress,” the owner said, as she turned and walked back into the kitchen.
Spiral Swirl took a sip of her drink and took a bite out of the scone.
Was using my hypnotic influence over her to get my treats for free too petty? she thought, No…no it wasn’t. And besides, once everypony in Ponyville is under my control I’ll never have to pay for anything in this town ever again.
You wouldn't mind if I wrote a sequel or whatever, where my OC calls out Spiral and gets her apprehended?
Well, I have seen worse. And all from two deviantart accounts. Congragulations Spiral, you are somehow beaten by a deviantart account!
7325071
Well just so long as she remains not as bad as 4chan I'm happy.
7325151 Just saying, I will send you a link to said deviantart account if you want to see how the crap it beats her.
7325234
I'm good. I think I'll stay in my own little corner of the Internet
7325236 Good call.
hey, I presume Dr. Whooves will have his trigger phrase implanted later? You didn't mention it in the chapter. Also, good chapter, liked it :D
7325316
Yeah he gets implanted when she comes back to give the three of them more instructions.
Wow! This story is hypnotizing me! LOL. Anywho I'd think Twilight would put up more of a fight then anypony else so far. Maybe having Spike under Star's control? Then he distracts Twilight long enough? IDK, it's an idea...
Did Sweetie Belle read the note, or did she get re hypnotized by hearing Rarity say "trance time"?
Anyway, Spiral now has 22 ponies under her control not counting the hospital staff sans Redheart. How many ponies did she hypnotize with that demonstration she gave in the hospital? What's her current army at? 32? She has already gotten the main bacgrond ponies, the cmc, and all of the Mane 6 except Twilight. Unless she goes for Mayor Mare, the Cakes, the schoolhouse, Spike, or Twilight, I don't see her hypnotizing anyone who is really that important. I also think it would be a little too early for her to try and hypnotize Mare, seeing how that would be a big thing.
7325753
Glad you're falling under its spell ;)
7325777
Oh it's more then that. Just wait till you see the meeting :)
And rarity was reading off the letter in her head so they both read their own triggers.
7326008
Oh no! You're... You're... YOU'RE HER AREN'T YOU?!
It's... strange story I must admit. I find it curious and I want to see what happens next.
Oh and Doctor here is not a Time Lord. Pity :P
Well, this is a weird story for me.
Because, despite hoping it ends with Spiral Swirl defeated (and I already have a few ideas about how that's going to go, but I don't want to say them in case I'm right), I'm also curious as to how far she's actually going to get before said thing happens...
7324970
7326145
Nope im just the guy that spreads the word of her glorious mission.
7326431
Glad you're liking it. Yeah here he's kind of a Time Lord Light.
7326467
Rubs hands together
Oh yes the conspiracy theories are flowing.
7324970 That would make for an interesting sequel once this gets done, though.
So, out of curiosity, when WOULD you say the story takes place?
7326747
Between the season 5 premier and after the CMC get their marks.
7326878 Ah.
Technically speaking, then, Starlight could still appear. It would just be the version of her that's currently plotting revenge.
Because I actually would be interested in seeing how an encounter between pre-Remark Starlight would fair against Spiral Swirl.
Not saying you have to do it, since it IS your story, just throwing out there as an idea.
7326717
Oh. Phew.
Spiral still needs to entrance Twilight and Spike. If she gets Twilight before Spike, Spike could send a message to Celestia. If she gets Spike before Twilight, Twilight could go to Canterlot and ask Celestia for HELP!
So, can Spiral entrance two targets at once?
7352551
Hmmm you raise a good point. And yes she can hypnotize more then one subject at once.
So I've had this story on my read it later list for some time and just got around to reading the posted chapters. What intrigued me was that it was a blatant mind control story but rated for everyone. So many mind control stories are tied to clop (which is not in itself a bad thing; I can enjoy a story like that if it has a plot and is not just gratuitous sex, but that combo is rare) that I wanted to see how it could be done without including that element. Overall, I'm enjoying the story, and will continue to track it, but I do have a one major criticism.
There is a distinct lack of conflict.
Conflict is a major driving force of a story. The problem here is, your main antagonist has it to easy. Nopony can stand against her. I had some hopes that Bon Bon was the start of that resistance, but ... nope, she fell, too. Then Doctor Whooves stepped in and ... nope, just took a little longer, but he fell also. Of course, I could be reading this wrong and that you intended this to show that Spira Swirl is starting to bite off more than she can chew, in which case, congrats for being subtle about it.
I hope you take this comment in the spirit it was intended. It is an enjoyable story, but I simply see places where it could be better.
7377575
Yup definitely not a clop story.
And I understand your thoughts and concerns entirely.
The plan of the story was to do scenes with specific ponies getting hypnotized. And once they had fallen under her spell the story would head into its next arc.
I like this fic...but the conflict is just...not enough...I want see stuff BURN! ACTION PACKED! HOLY EVEN SOME KIND OF RIOT!!! MUAWAWAWAWAWAW
ok, putting my coffee aside, I want and would love see some crazy fight beteween a pony and spira and their mindless zombies slaves...also
background ponies ftw
7383402 Well, I am making an alternate universe comic based on this. Rath knows about it.
Can I be in next chapter?I have watched shows that have some episodes like this story,so plz can I be in it.By the way my oc's name is Jorgia.
Well cuss, he's dead, we're cussed, that's bad, AMEN. I guess it's up to me now.
Did you just try to lock up The Doctor's pony mind with a pocket watch?
Magical or not, pocket watches and mind alterations aren't new to The Doctor. Pony form or human form, either way.
He'll find a way out. Besides, if this is "mistress", then we'll just have to find the "master" pony, right?
So what happens when Spiral runs into somepony that knows hypnosis and can actually use it properly? Maybe has defense against it (just how magic is that pocket watch?)