Following a tragic event, a young man stumbles across people claiming that they need to get him to a place called Equestria. But, he ends up falling out of their transportation on the way there, only to land on top of someone called Nightmare Moon.
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Well... At least Shy got some courage to silently speak her mind before anything even worse happened
Wow! Language Fluttershy! Who would have thought that this... could become like this...?
wow dat ending do.... I'm a little more scared of pinkie now
ok then...
This was good, it mad me laugh but
This sentence right here
More specifically the end
maybe you could say, "as much as it infuriated her?"
Interesting. The catalist for Alex and RD falling in love was the Gilda chapter in the original. I wonder how your going to get them together now.
4697257
Na. It may make me sound like a dick, but I kinda just wait for comments to tell me what's wrong. I have so little free time that I just push chapters out with very little proof reading.
And if you wanna see the king of overused commas, look at the original version of this. I used them like they were going out of style, by having them placed at every pause in a sentence, to both emphasize, and isolate certain words.
Anyway, thanks for the comment, it's understood that this story has many many flaws.
And now we wait for the next.....
lol love fluttershy's last comment in the story
You know... I don't think the party works at all this way. In the show, the pranks were well-meaning and innocent, and she blows them off all when it was Dash's fault. Here... Pinkie wanted Dash to make so many her friend would blow up, and guess what? When she learns it was her friend pranking her, Gilda actually kept her cool and let it slide. Heck, Gilda's instinct was to leave because she was NOT having fun at the party.
Then you go and have the ponies execute...
Yeah, worse is the word. You have Pinkie Pie insulting her and passing it off as other ponies while she is just trying to mingle and mind her business for once, blowing off at others in that case sounds quite justified. Funny how that wasn't mentioned to Rainbow Dash, huh?
Except someone WAS! Gilda may be a jerk, but that doesn't mean Pinkie looks GOOD in that situation. She just looks like a bitch taking revenge! AND manipulating Rainbow Dash away from one of her childhood friend!
And since when is Fluttershy vindictive and vengeful?
That was just...
Yeah, not sure I want to keep reading past this point. Sorry Author, but this is just infuriating.
4699918
Haha, sorry about that. 90% of the people reading this have read my original, and it's just something I tend to do with the characters, throwing OOC bullshit for them to do. Those original readers know do jokes like that sometimes.
Sometimes I alienate people by doing it, but in this case, I needed the party to play out that way. And as for Fluttershy, that was no more than a gag.
Again, sorry about that.
The very inclusion of Alex in the story is making Pinkie darker.
4701192
Actually, I've been on and off writing Pinkies dark side story for the full story, and it just kinda stuck for this chapter for some reason.
4701546 Huh. Maybe it just seemed to fit much better here.
Methinks that she probably dug too deep to find a solution, and unknowingly found something disturbing.
4700334 *sigh* I certainly know about the need of the plot and how that can clash with characters... but I still don't think it's justified here. It just makes everyone involve look worse. And it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't think for certain that no one will ever have to admit the role they played in this. It'll be all water under the bridge, no one will bring it up, etc. etc.
Speaking of hypocrisy, Alex, mind rethinking your opinion of Gilda when you throw a two hundred pounds cart at Rainbow Dash in midair? You don't exactly have the right to be pissed at RD when you could have killed her with that, nor do you really have the moral highground around Gilda. None of his interactions with her are positive, but he still acts like he's the one that should be offended...
But hey, if I forget these parts, I can actually say the whole thing is decently written. There ARE funny moments, original ideas and the likes, so I'll just say 'Good luck with your story' and leave.
4703754
Totally fine. That's your call.
But on the whole hypocrisy thing, I'm aware of it. I'm just making him a dick. I mean, an asshole is better than a super apologetic Gary Stu. Whenever he tries to be nice, she says something that sets him off, so he says something back that pisses her off.
They're both just stubborn to a fault I like to think. When they finally explode at each other, half of the stuff you said will be what she says.
But again, I hold nothing against you. It is certainly a a weird as shit start to a story.
in this version is alex going to be a dick the entire story or no(i hope not)?
4725728
Beginning of season three in the original story. But it doesn't really matter anymore. The original is mostly unique chapters at this point.
4705422
Of course not! Just for a little bit.
4727167 o ok
this version seems.... don't take offence... better
4742143
Well, I do have some more experience now. The original was simply behind this one in terms of skill of the writer.
Lookin good. Waiting for moar!
Fluttershy is best pony and anyone who says otherwise shall die of sadness overload.
Reads like 46 chapters and gets to another off shoot...then realizes that there is a remake of the unfinished story
I can't...i...jus...I...
FUCK IT
*flips a table*
SO MUCH DAMN READING
AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH
I was honestly worried the party wouldn't work out there for a minute in all actuality, once again you prove to be the master author. All hail your amazingness.
I'm confused to which two of these OTR's I should read...
5222699
The long one. This one will get more love when the other story is closer to completion
5222850
ah, ok, I'm lucky I didn't hurt myself in my confusion, damn random chances...
5358446
Heh. Nice job. Glad to see you find that.
You should. continue this, just sayin.
Update?
Good jub Alex.
You've influenced the elements to start cursing.
Fluttershy even.
Little FAKE innocent Flutters.
Ah, well done.
Kudos for you.
Gg no-re
Unless yeah you know, they were like this all the time.
But no fucks are given anymore after this.