After Princess Luna suggested to wake up she did so. She looked at the clock on her beside table and saw that it was 9:30 am! The rainbow maned mare shouted "HORSE APPLES!! I"M GONNA BE LATE!". She zipped into the bathroom and had a shower, then she got a power bar and went out the closest window.
As she was flying ponies from all around said congratulations to her, Rainbow Dash waved and shot off at lightning speed. She came up on the Wonderbolts HQ and zoomed in. She noticed that there was a group of wonderbolts in the centre of the HQ (the centre of HQ was covered in grass and it was circular) waiting for her. She decided that she would impress them and do a quick sonic rainboom and then with the solid rainbow trailing behind her she spelled 'WONDERBOLTS'. All of the wonderbolts looked up and
spitfire said " well... it looks like Rainbow Dash is here!"
As Spitfire said that Rainbow Dash landed on the ground with a loud thump. All of the Wonderbolts cheered for her, Rainbow Dash started to blush and she bowed.
After a quick introduction to all the wonderbolts they gave her, her uniform and showed her around the the base, then to her new suite at the HQ. Rainbow Dash was just amazed and Spitfire laughed quietly and said
" Well Rainbow Dash it looks like your having a pretty good time but you will think joining the wonderbolts was the worst idea ever for the next few weeks because of all the intense training you will be going through to get you up to speed with the program."
Rainbow Dash said back confidently "I think that getting into the wonderbolts was the greatest thing to happen to me now and i don't think i will change my mind anytime soon, besides Princes Luna said that she will be monitoring my dreams for the next couple of weeks because she fears that i will get nightmares."
"well thats good to hear. Soarin is one of are newer members and he will be helping you adjust." Spitfire said with a smile on her face.
Spitfire had left her to look around and check out her room. As she was looking at her map she had been given she bumped into someone, and that someone was none other than... Soarin!! Rainbow picked up her map, not wanting to look up she said quickly
"I'm so sorry i was just wondering where in HQ i am."
Soarin said calmly "Its ok Rainbow Dash do you need help?"
" Soarin?! sorry!" Rainbow nearly shouted and not wanting to accept the help she simply nodded. So they set to go find her room.
After a couple of minutes they got to her room in the east wing.
They stopped outside and rainbow said "Thanks for helping me find my room Soarin." her cheeks were going bright red.
"Hey, no problem Rainbow Dash I'm supposed to help you and show you where to go for the next couple weeks so yeah happy to help!" Soarin said with a very cheesy grin. Then he left chuckling.
As Rainbow Dash walked into her suite and closed the door she took in her surroundings, there was a simple bed just like the one back at her cloud manner, a table with 4 chairs, a sofa, a bathroom and an eńsuite. she went and laid down on her bed thinking about what just happened and then she realised that she...she had feelings for... SOARIN!!
She was so shocked that she fell off her bed! She decided to shrug it off and be awesome like she always is. She walked to the mess hall and grabbed a big slice of apple pie because she only had an energy bar for breakfast and that sonic rainboom took a lot out of her. she sat down and began to eat.
I'll give you some advice.
Some of the names need to have their first letters capitalized. Slow down.
Try finding a proofreader. There are groups for that.
4221506 sorry but its the auto correct
thanks for the comment
4221648 sorry I'm trying but this is my first story
but thanks for the comment
4221835 thanks i'm trying
4221879 no problem
You use auto correct and "this is my first story" as excuses.
That's worth a downvote in and of itself.
Also, this is not Spitfire. Spitfire would be okay with seeing Rainbow with Soarin if that's what made them both happy.
4222924 Sorry I just like to be nice but I will try adding the positives and the negatives of the story to a comment.
4222664 well I'm sorry if you don't like this story
Thanks for the comments guys.
I just don't know if I want to continue on this story now
4224538 I understand if you might not want to finish the story but if it is because of some negative comments don't give up. Try and take on board the constructive criticism. The more you write and practice the more improvement people will start to see. You don't have to continue if you don't want to but this is just some advice.
4224686 thanks for the advice and the reason is kind of because of the criticism
and thanks for the support
I've fixed the story spacing and so on
I loved the part at the end when she fell off the bed lol anyways awesome story I can't wait for the next chapter and I love how you did Soarin's character keep up the good work
Why are you getting such negative comments, I'm concerned? I have noticed that there are some errors in one of the paragraphs. Do you need an editor? I can help you, I'm a bit of an expert on MLP FIM. I can help you with your story if you want.
4230153 yes please I would love your help
4230180 okay
4230180 I like your story. Why does it have down votes?
4243073 thanks AceCombat101fan
I don't know why but I'm working on chapter 3 so maybe I can change their minds
Anyway thanks for reading my story
4243526 No problem, hey I know two editors who could help you. They are Silver Blade and eggynack, they help me with my story Ace Combat: Divided Feelings when it was getting down votes, but now the up votes are coming. Want to check out my story?
4243926 sure, I'll check out your story
sango_4000 said that he would help me on my story so thanks for the suggestion
I can't to see the next chapter whenever.
I didn't not mean to put whenever sorry so sorry.
I don't make any sense do I?
4281651 not really but I figured out what you meant
I don't know why people don't like this story some people are rude. I think I spelled that right.
4288854 you spelled it right!
I don't know why though
Its good for a plot. For constructive criticism, i say, even though I suck at it, fix the grammar. It makes the story hard to read. Also , the plot escalates too quickly, i suggest adding fluff into it to pad it up, and maximize word count. so yeah, other than that it has potential.
I'm reading this story for the 15 FUCKING TIME BECAUSE IT'S SO DAMN GOOD TO TELL ME TO STOP REREADING IT IS LIKE TELLING ME TO STOP EATING RAYMAN NOODLES! THOSE PEOPLE WHO DISLIKED SHOULD DIE! THEY DIDN'T GIVE YOUR STORY A CHANGE 20\5 is this story because it's so good 20 out of five.