• Published 29th Mar 2014
  • 2,013 Views, 75 Comments

Rarity on DXM - Majin Syeekoh

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Killing Time

Applejack and Big Mac swiveled their heads towards Rainbow Dash, both yelling, “You WHAT!?”

Rainbow Dash, still laughing, said, “Yeah, I told her that they’d get their Cutie Marks in Psychedelic Exploration for sure!” Big Macintosh then stomped towards Rainbow Dash and lifted her up by the scruff of her neck, ending her laughter instantly.

“Do you have any idea how idiotic that was? You have no idea of the proper dosage for a filly, and on top of that, you told Scootaloo! You know how she idolizes you! Now she’s going to tell everypony in her class that the ‘awesome’ Rainbow Dash told her that it was a good idea to drink cough medicine to get high!” Big Mac then shook his head. “Sometimes I wonder if you ever stop to think of the consequences of your actions…”

Rainbow Dash, now sweating, said, “Hey, it’s not like I didn’t have a back-up plan…”

Big Mac shot daggers at Rainbow Dash. “And what exactly was that, little missy?”

Rainbow Dash pried herself out of Big Mac’s grip and dusted herself off. “Simple. If it got too intense, I’d just have Spike message Princess Luna to pull them out. Worked for me just fine…”

Applejack facehooved. “First of all, that’s only a last resort. Secondly, ya came back wrong!”

Rainbow Dash pouted. “Ya know, if it wasn’t for Fluttershy, I’d still think you were all gaslighting me.”

“You know, I already told you all of that,” Rarity said, touching her hooves to her temples.

“And when did you tell us that?” Twilight asked.

Rarity smirked. “Just now. I told you that Sweetie Belle bought it on direction from Scootaloo.”

“I don’t remember that! I mean, I know what you sound like, and I didn’t hear anything that sounded like you telling us that—”

“Pinkie, Pinkie, Pinkie...I told you with my mind.” Pinkie nodded.

“Ohhhhh…” Pinkie said, causing everypony present except for Pinkie and Rarity to facehoof. Big Mac then looked around.

“And why does Rarity have all of your sex toys anyway?” he asked.

Applejack shrugged. “I dunno. She just asked us for them, and bein’ good friends, we just lent them to her.”

“And ya didn’t ask her why?”

Pinkie shook her head. “No, silly stallion!”

“And why not?”

“Because that would be prying!” Big Mac facehooved. Mares.

“So...what do we do now?” Fluttershy asked.

Spike picked up his head from Rarity’s barrel. “Well, I sent a letter to the Princess, but she’s not going to be out of court for a while now.”

“Besides,” Twilight interjected, “it should run out of her system naturally in about six hours.”

Applejack looked around. “So, what do we do until then?”

----

“YAHTZEE!” Pinkie shouted. Everypony except for Rarity groaned.

“Jeez, Pinkie, how do you always get Yahtzee?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Pinkie shook her head. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just good at it.”

Twilight leaned her forehead on her hoof. “Pinkie, you can’t be good at Yahtzee.”

Pinkie looked at Twilight. “Why not?”

Twilight shook her head. “Because it’s a game of chance.”

“So?”

“A game of chance, by its very definition, precludes skill, relying on random number generation. So, therefore, you can’t be good at Yahtzee.

“Then why do I keep winning?”

Twilight facehooved. “I don’t know. Let’s...just play another game.”

Pinkie frowned. “Why?”

“Because you keep winning at Yahtzee.”

Pinkie shook her head. “I can’t keep winning.”

Twilight sighed. “And why not?”

“Because it’s a game of chance.”

“Yes, I know that, but the evidence points to an upward trend of you winning.”

“But that’s impossible.”

Twilight shook her head in frustration. “Pinkie, you’re impossible.”

Pinkie shook her head again. “How can I be impossible? I’m right here.”

Twilight’s eyelids narrowed. “Yes, you are.”

“So why did you say that I was impossible?”

“Yeah, why did you say Pinkie was impossible?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Twilight sighed frustratedly. “Call it a poor choice of words.”

“Hey, girls,” Rarity said.

“What, Rarity?” Applejack asked.

“...a carriage is like a room with wheels.”

Twilight’s eyes widened at that. “Yes, Rarity. Yes it is.”

“...in fact, it’s exactly a room with wheels.”

Twilight facehooved again. “Let’s just switch games.”

----

“Alright, you come across a wall. What do you do?” Twilight asked the group.

“Can I Magic Missile it?”

“No, Pinkie, you cannot Magic Missile a wall.”

Pinkie frowned. “Why not?”

Twilight shook her head. “Because it’s a wall.”

“So?”

“So, Magic Missile does no damage to inanimate objects.”

“I still wanna cast Magic Missile on the wall!”

Twilight facehooved. “Fine. You cast Magic Missile on the wall. It does nothing.”

Pinkie hair drooped the tiniest bit. “Awww…”

Applejack tipped her hat. “I try an’ buck it.”

Twilight nodded. “Alright Applejack, roll for success.” Applejack raised an eyebrow.

“Why I gotta roll fer success? It’s a wall. It just sits there.”

Twilight sighed. “You have to roll to see if you do any damage.”

“Fine.” Applejack picked up the twenty sided die and shook it in her hooves, releasing it after five seconds. The die bounced across the floor and spun for a bit, finally revealing a one. Applejack cringed. “Is that bad?”

Twilight nodded, then picked up a six sided die and rolled it, revealing a two. “You have failed so spectacularly that you sprained your ankle in the attempt, taking two points damage in the process.”

Applejack crossed her forelegs. “Dumb wall.”

“I’m gonna Sonic Rainboom it—”

“—Rainbow Dash, please read your character sheet,” Twilight interjected. Rainbow Dash picked up her character sheet, carefully examining it.

“What am I looking for?”

“Do you see a skill called Sonic Rainboom anywhere on that sheet?”

“Uh, no?”

“Exactly. Your character cannot do a Sonic Rainboom.” Rainbow Dash groaned.

“Ah’m gonna try an’ buck it.”

“Alright Big Mac, roll for success.” Big Mac picked up the twenty sided die and rolled it, revealing a twenty. Big Mac looked up to Twilight, who was staring at the die in shock. “A natural twenty...hmm. Well, Big Mac, you’ve toppled over the wall and killed the goblins on the other side.”

“Can I make friends with them!?”

“No Pinkie, they’re dead.”

“Then I search them for spells!”

Twilight facehooved. “Spells don’t work that way, Pinkie.”

“Why not?”

“Because spells aren’t things.”

Pinkie shook her head. “But they could have spellbooks!”

Twilight frowned. “Why would goblins have spellbooks?” Pinkie shrugged.

“Because they stole them from a wizard. Anyway, I search for spellbooks!”

“You find no spellbooks.” Pinkie frowned.

Fluttershy raised her hoof. “Can I skin them for their pelts?” Everypony stared at Fluttershy in shock. “I mean, they have to be worth something, right?”

While the spellbinding game of Oubliettes and Ogres was taking place, Spike was busy nuzzling Rarity’s barrel, listening to the sound of her breath, feeling her rapid heartbeat under his head. “Hey, Rarity, are you gonna be okay?” Spike looked up to see that Rarity appeared to be staring into space. “Rarity?” Spike said as he waved his claw in front of Rarity’s face, garnering no response. “Uh, girls, she’s not responding.” Everypony except for Twilight turned their heads.

“Oh, she must be having an out of body experience. That’s par for the course.” Everypony then turned back to the game. Spike nuzzled his head back on Rarity’s barrel.

“Rarity, I don’t know if you can hear me right now...but I hope you’re okay. When you get out of this, I’m gonna help you find so many gemstones.” Spike raised his head to check back on Rarity, but what he saw shocked him to his core. Her corneas were a bold green with smoke billowing from them, and her horn was turning red and curving wickedly.

A strange voice that was both male and female came out of her mouth, causing everypony’s heads to turn towards Rarity. “Begone!” Rarity commanded, upon which Spike was raised in a black glow as tens of thousands of volts of electricity ran through Spike’s body at that point, causing him to vibrate mid-air, then pass out. Rarity then slammed Spike roughly against a bookshelf and let him drop, his body sprawled across the floor as several books dropped onto him.

“Ponyfeathers,” Applejack said.