Rarity on DXM

by Majin Syeekoh

Stupid Sexy Fun

“So, is everypony here?” Twilight Sparkle asked behind the library counter.

“Here,” Applejack said as she raised a hoof, sitting on the couch by a lying down Rarity. Spike was curled up on Rarity’s barrel, protective of his true love.

“HerehereHERE!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, pronking around excitedly.

“Yo!” Rainbow Dash said as she sat on her haunches by the couch.

Rarity looked around confusedly. “Where are we again?” Applejack facehooved.

“We’re in Twi’s library, Rares.”

“Oh.”

“And I’m here...so that just leaves Fluttershy!” Twilight said excitedly, scribbling down on a list. “Where is that mare, anyway?”

“She’s engaging in the Code Twi I ordered,” Applejack said, which drew an angry glare from Twilight.

“I thought we agreed to call it a code intoxication.”

“No, you wanted to call it a code intoxication, but tha rest of us outvoted ya.” Twilight facehooved.

“Fine. It’s been forty minutes. Where is—” the door swung open revealing Fluttershy followed by Big Macintosh, who was balancing a rather large box on his back.

“Here I am! I searched Rarity’s house from top to bottom, and found anything suspicious!” Fluttershy said.

“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh said. He then turned his head towards Applejack. “How often does this happen, Applejack?”

Applejack shrugged. “It’s only happened once before, but Twilight figured that we name it in case it happens again.”

“Uh...huh.”

“So, anyway, let me codify the contents of that box,” Twilight said as she grasped something in her magic, frowning upon seeing what it was. “One very large makeup kit,” she said as she placed it next to her, then pulled out the next thing, “one...very beautiful dress—”

“Oh, that’s mine,” Fluttershy said as she trotted over to the dress and grabbed it. Twilight shook her head, then pulled out the next item.

“One...string of balls—”

“Ben-wa balls,” Rainbow Dash interjected, which was met by a raised eyebrow from Twilight. “Eh, me and Soarin’ like to get freaky sometimes.” Twilight shook her head, determined to keep her clinical manner.

“Alright, next we have one dildo...followed by another dildo...followed by another dildo—you know what, let me just count out all the dildos in here,” Twilight then proceeded to pull out a large array of dildos. “Twenty dildos fully accounted for—” she started before an ethereal light blue glow grasped the largest one, which Twilight tugged back sharply. “What are you doing, Rarity!?”

Rarity lazily shrugged. “A girl gets lonely.”

“But with all these ponies here!?”

Rarity drunkenly looked around, then giggled. “I hadn’t noticed them before.” Twilight facehooved. She then pulled out a buttplug, blushing as she did so. She then pulled out another, and another, until there were a pretty line of buttplugs in front of her.

“Fourteen buttplugs...look, Fluttershy, did you just collect all of the sex toys in Rarity’s room?”

Fluttershy nodded, blushing. “Well, Applejack said to collect anything suspicious, and that amount of sex toys made me very suspicious…” Twilight facehooved again, then lifted the box off of Big Macintosh’s back, levitated it to the center of the room, turned it upside down, and dumped the contents on the floor, leaving a variety of sex implements in the center of the room. Everypony raised an eyebrow as they recognized something that belonged to them. Pinkie pronked to the pile first, pulling out a ball gag.

“I was wondering where this went!” she said as she pronked back to where she was standing. Applejack then went to the pile, pulling out a riding crop.

“Caramel’s been wondering where this baby disappeared off to…” Big Mac’s eyes bulged out at that as he turned an even darker shade of red as Applejack returned to her spot next to Rarity. Fluttershy timidly approached the pile next, pulling out what appeared to be a tree costume, then returning back to where she was standing. Applejack stared at her confusedly. “What in the hay you have that fer?”

Fluttershy turned a lovely shade of crimson. “Well, me and my secret special somepony like to roleplay…” at which Big Macintosh gulped. Rainbow Dash then flew to the pile, pulling out a strap-on dildo.

“Soarin’ and I were wondering where you were!” she said as she returned to where she was standing. Twilight looked upon Rainbow Dash in wonder.

“Why do you and Soarin’ have a strap-on dildo?” she asked.

Rainbow Dash put on a smug face. “For pegging.”

“Is this because you’re secretly gay?” Fluttershy asked before covering her mouth in shame. Rainbow Dash glared at Fluttershy.

“You said you’d never tell anypony! And what I said was, ‘I think I might be a filly-fooler’. Totes different.”

Twilight shook her head. “Look, I don’t think anypony here would be surprised by...did you just say totes?”

Rainbow Dash nodded happily. “Yeah. It’s totes shway!”

Twilight facehooved. “As a librarian and a Princess of Equestria, I am disgusted with the mangling of the Equuish language you’ve just perpetrated.”

Pinkie shook her head. “Nuh-uh! Totes is totes a word!”

“No, it’s not!”

“It totes is!”

Twilight was getting frustrated. “No, it’s not!”

Pinkie shook her head. “It totes is!”

Rage was boiling up in Twilight. “No, it’s not!

Pinkie shook her head again. “It totes is!”

Twilight was almost at her tipping point. “No, it’s not!”

“It totes is!” upon which Pinkie stuck out her tongue at Twilight.

That did it. In a flash, Twilight’s coat turned a brilliant white as she leapt in the air and her mane and tail turned into dancing flames as she screamed “No, it’s not! Totes in that context wasn’t, isn’t, and will never be a word!” She then fell back down into her chair, charred and exhausted while Pinkie stood on in shock.

“I like totes,” Fluttershy said, “they’re so useful for carrying all sorts of things. I have a tote that has my cutie mark on it. I like it a lot.”

“And that...is how...you use...totes...in a...proper...sentence,” Twilight said exhaustedly, leaning her head on her hoof.

“By the way,” Fluttershy asked, “who does that cat-o-nine-tails belong to?”

Twilight looked up to see the offending object as she quickly grasped it in her magic and threw it into the kitchen. “That’s...nopony’s!”

“No, I believe that was yours, darling,” Rarity said drunkenly, “you said you got it so that you could pretend that Flash fellow from the Crystal Guard was whipping you while you—”

“And that’s a great story, Rarity, but we don’t really have time for that now!” Twilight cut off, blushing. Twilight then fixed her gaze on Fluttershy. “So, you found nothing that could have caused Rarity’s intoxication?”

Fluttershy nodded. “No. But Rarity must have had a terrible cough, because I found this bottle of cough medicine in the trash in her bathroom…” she said, pulling out said bottle from one of her saddlebags. Twilight peered at the bottle.

“Let me see that,” Twilight said.

“Um, ok,” Fluttershy said as Twilight grasped the bottle from Fluttershy and started examining it.

“Well, this explains a lot.”

“What is it, Twilight?” Applejack asked.

“Dextromethorphan.”

“What now?”

“I suppose you can call it DXM. In small doses, it’s an effective antitussive, but in larger doses, it can create a myriad of effects, ranging from drunkenness, discoordination, dizziness, and disorientation, all the way to a clockwork-like walk, loss of appetite, involuntary flexing of muscles, and confusion...and at the highest of doses, disassociation of mind from body.” Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie shuddered at the thought while Rainbow Dash was trying her hardest to hold back giggles. Twilight glared at Rainbow Dash. “Do you know something about this?”

“Well…” Rainbow Dash said, failing to stifle back her chortling, “Scootaloo asked what she should try to do next to get her cutie mark, and I suggested the three of them buy a bottle of cough syrup and chug the whole thing down!” she finished, as she landed on her haunches in laughter, Rarity giggling apropos of Rainbow Dash.

Comments

[Phenoix12]

Rainbow Dash, you are a horrible honorary sister.

[Brony God]

The Mane 6 likes to do it kinky

[Shining Dawn]

This author is too perverted to be named. Bring the guillotine. And the branding Iron.

[Havel The Rock]

Damn... my opinion of Rara has not changed, but headcanon acquired.

[thatguy45]

totes shway

[Prince Leviathan]

of course it was RD...
*sigh* not surprised.