Adventures in Equestria

by finalforce12

A New Era

Me and Emma are the best friends of the century. We basically do everything together, and the bond is gonna be bigger than ever! One day at my house, our friendship was put to the test.

"When are the cookie-brownies gonna be done? I'm starving!"

Emma rolled her eyes and we both giggled. Just then, Emma turned to my closet.

"Uh.... Elize?"

"What?"

"Does your closet glow?"

"No, why?"

"No reason, just the fact that it's GLOWING RIGHT NOW!"

"Wait, WHAT?!"

And she was right, my closet was glowing.

"Well, let's see what's behind the glow!"

Emma gave me a scared look, but I grabbed my closet door. After swinging the closet door open, a portal appeared.

"Awesome...."

I said in amazement. And in instants, me and Emma jumped through. We walked through a hall full of portals, and a rainbow-colored one sucked us in. It's amazing where we were, that when I opened my eyes, a huge grin came through my face.

Author's Note:

OMG!!! I can't believe my spring break is almost over! Man, what a blaze.... New chapters appear often, so enjoy the first! Chapter 2 coming soon! and no negitive comments, it gets boring trying to read them.

Comments

[Derpyx0]

Ugh.... Really? Talking in the comments? They're called blog posts for a reason.

Honestly, this was pretty bad, and I only read 100 words!

A: No pink text. Why the hell is there even colored text in your story AT ALL?!

B: Grammar is okay... but it could honestly be better. This:

Just then, Emma turned to my closet. "Uh.... Elize?" said a worried Emma. "What?" I said. "Does your closet glow?" "No, why?" "No reason, just the fact that it's GLOWING RIGHT NOW!" "Wait, WHAT?!" And she was right, my closet was glowing. "Well, let's see what's behind the glow!" I exclaimed. Emma gave me a scared look, but I grabbed my closet door.

This.... For starters, as I said previously, NO COLORED TEXT. Second, when you have dialogue, make sure to start a new paragraph each time you switch speakers. Ex:
"Hey there, Jess!" Josie said.

"How are you doing, Josie?" Jess asked.

And so on. Oh, and I know your teachers thought you different (they did with me, as well), but on this site, I wouldn't indent and make all the paragraphs touch each other. Instead, after each paragraph, skip two lines and THEN start writing. Oh, and DON'T INDENT WHEN YOU DO THAT.

Alright, the rest of your grammar is pretty good, phew. No overpowered OCs ye- *reads comments* WTF do you MEAN there's ALICORN OCS?! Shit.

On another, hopefully higher note, this seems something akin to Narnia, and Narnia was amazing. If this is half as good as Narnia, I'll be happy. But by the looks of the ratings and the number of words, it won't. Darn.