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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I am surprised that this story is getting to so much positive reception.
Not bad though I am a little sad heel be treated like an animal, I'm guessing he's in the frowen northabout to enter the crystal empire. I hope he has at least obe pony on his side.
Cut out the "been".
Aren't you missing a full stop there?
Or maybe just rephrase it, like so:
"I didn't move, for I was simply frozen on the spot etc."
Again, either a full stop or a connection between "decide" and "the teachers"
Fix: But it wasn’t my place to decide, and the teachers feared that some of the other kids might’ve destroyed them if they stayed in the school.
There are more issues, but I'm too lazy to pick them all out. As you can see, I only got 1/3 through and found those.
Looking good apart from the grammar, keep it up mate. Remember to just read your own writing with that little voice in your head to make sure it makes sense.
14 favorites in one day, my god.
6423243 Thank you, you handsome rougue you.
6423284
My pleasure, my good sir.
6423061 While you're mostly right, he won't be going to The Crystal Empire. I have a much bigger plans in place for this fanfic, whether you like it not will be up to you.
6424213 I accept your challenge bring your A-game.
6424332 I've been bringing it since the beginning.
Awesome. Looking forward to the next chapter.
6428825 Thank you, my good sir.
Canterlot_Voice=~¥\_Engaged#444255code9html.7audio21135793837372827282
THOU SHALT REPLY TO THINE UNDERLINGS AND GIVE US MOAAAAAR!!!
6438404 Just for you
And wait about a week, I think I'll have another chapter ready by then.
6438449
YOU HAVE SPARED YOUR LIFE MORTAL
Translation: Lol cool
I'm calling bullshit right there. No officer would EVER give their child a knife to take to school!
You are going to want to edit that sentence sir.