Chapter 8: Of Cider and Karl Marx
Date: 06:23:2014
Location: Area 51 Top Secret Research Facility, Nevada, United States
Status: Top Secret Documents Arriving From National Weather Service Data Center
Time: 07:00
Out in the remote Nevada desert, lies the mysterious military facility know to the public as Area 51. As the early morning sun rises, an unmarked van coasts towards the main gates. Arriving at the entrance of the facility, the driver of said van presents his ID and states his business. After being waved through the driver of the van parks out front of Research Facility 1-A.
Dr. Alexander Collins is waiting outside of facility 1-A to greet the driver of an unmarked, white van that has just parked a few meters from where he stands. A man in a black suit emerges from the van with a small folder in his hand. "Dr. Collins?" the man asks.
"Yes," Collins replies simply.
"I have the file you requested from the National Weather Service," the man states handing Collins the folder.
Collins peers at the folder. On the front is a large CLASSIFIED stamped on. Underneath is smaller lettering stating: Case 0237D. Confirming the identification number, Collins nods to the man who returns to his vehicle and drives away. Collins, file in hand, re-enters the facility and heads for his laboratory.
Once reaching the privacy of his work-space, Collins opens the top secret document and begins reading.
Case 0237D [CLASSIFIED]
June 9th, 2014
Unidentified weather anomaly over Denver, Colorado.
Civilian under name Vladimir Anton Korzhakov reporting missing day after unidentified weather pattern, no leads.
Missing Civilian was last seen 2 blocks east of epicenter of unidentified anomaly.
Co-worker reports that missing civilian lives 4 blocks west of last known location.
Missing Civilian last seen approx 15 minutes before unidentified anomaly occurred.
Data estimates missing civilian was within 100 meters of anomaly epicenter, if following most logical route to residence.
Following documents hold all data recorded by the National Weather Service on June 9th over south-east Denver, Colorado.
Further Inquiry Required.
Dr. Collins turned to the next page and began reading the data. He had a long day of work ahead of him.
I woke to the sound of the door to my rented-out room opening. "Hey Vlad, up and at em. C'mon down and grab some breakfast," I heard Applejack say.
"Yeah I'm coming, just give me a minute," I said stretching.
Applejack left the room to go eat so I quickly used the restroom (which is confusing), splashed water in my face, and went downstairs. I was greeted with a breakfast banquet fit for 20. Pastries and delectable as far as the eye can see. "Ah, there y'all are. C'mon over and grab yerself a seat," Applejack said pointing out an empty chair.
Not wanting to refuse the host I happily obliged. I found myself at the table with four other ponies including Applejack, her sister, a large red stallion, and an elderly green mare. "While we're all gettin settled why don't Ah introduce ya'll to the rest of mah family," Applejack said.
"This here is Big Macintosh, my older brother," she proclaimed motioning towards the red stallion.
"Hi. I'm Vlad, nice to meet you." I said in a friendly tone.
"Howdy," was all I got in return.
"He don't talk much," Applejack whispered, "This here is Granny Smith," she said pointing to the elderly mare.
"Huh? What?" Granny exclaimed loudly before noticing me. "Oh, hello there youngin'. Ah'm Granny Smith but y'all can just call me Granny."
"Nice to meet you," I replied respectfully.
"And finally over here we have my little sister Applebloom," Applejack said pointing at the young filly.
"Yer that pony from yesterday!" Applebloom exclaimed.
"Um, yes I guess I am. Thanks by the way, for yesterday. Probably saved me from getting driven out of town by an angry mob," I said with a genuine smile.
"Ah shucks, it was nuthin. Ah just wish Ah could of got my cutie mark in peacemaking or somethin," Applebloom replied sounding slightly dejected.
"Nopony ever explained to me what these 'cutesy mark' things are," I said sounding confused.
"A cutie mark appears on yer flank when you discover yer special talent. It symbolizes what yer best at doin," Applejack explained.
"Well I guess that would make finding a job a lot easier. When they ask for your qualifications you just say, 'The mark on my rear entitles me,' or something."
"That's one way of lookin at it Ah guess," Applejack muttered.
Our interesting conversation was interrupted by the front door slamming open. A disheveled Rainbow Dash followed by a similar looking Pinkie Pie stumbled into the dining room. "Ooh Applejack, my head hurts," Pinkie proclaimed.
"So you two finally showed up. Yer welcome to join us for breakfast but yer gonna be cleaning up the barn today after yer drunken mishap," Applejack said sternly casting them a glare.
"Ah come on AJ! I have the worst headache and you want me to clean up after everypony's mess?" Rainbow complained.
"Fraid so RD. Now get some food in ya, it'll make things a lot easier," Applejack said obviously amused.
The two disgruntled mares sat down at the table on opposite sides of me. I don't know about you, but having two extremely hungover ponies eating within close proximity of you is not what you want to see. While Rainbow Dash was simply stuffing her face, Pinkie was literally inhaling food like a vacuum. Let's just say after an apple fritter and a swig of apple juice I was full. "Youf gonma eat thaf?" Rainbow asked while pointing at an uneaten muffin on my plate. When I shook my head no she grabbed it and stuffed it into her face like the rest of her meal much to my disgust.
Sighing, I stood up from the table. "I'm gonna go take a shower. Holler at me if ya need me," I said dismissing myself.
After a nice long and cold shower I returned downstairs. I saw everypony heading out the front door to get started on their individual activities. Upon seeing me Applejack pulled me to the side. "Now our deal was that y'all would do some honest work to pay yer rent. So before Ah go sending ya out to work, Ah need to know what yer good at," she explained.
"Well, despite periodic fits of rage, my specialty would be engineering. My main field is civil engineering but I also know a fair share of mechanical, electrical, and systems engineering. I wasn't far enough into my career to specialize in anything so I tried to learn as much as I could. I'm also well versed in construction and repairs," I said pridefully.
I then looked over to Applejack who was staring at me with a blank expression. "Um I guess an easier term for it is I'm an all around handyma...pony...whatever."
"Oh! Well if it ain't to much trouble, one of the Cider Presses broke down and we need to git it workin before Cider Season starts or we won't have enough delicious apple cider to go around. If ya finish early you can help Rainbow and Pinkie with barn. Come find me when y'all are done."
"A cider press? Sure! As long as it's not in too terrible shape I should be able to fix it in a jiffy. I will need some tools though..."
"Tools would be in the tool shed next to the house, cider press is around back of the barn," Applejack instructed.
"Alright cool. I'll come find you when I'm done."
"Ah'll be in the south fields with Big Mac. See ya later!" Applejack shouted her shoulder before running off.
Wandering around to the back of the farmhouse, I saw the tool shed that Applejack had mentioned. Upon opening the door I found random items crammed into the 5x5 space. Lucky for me, right at the front was a large red toolbox. Upon closer inspection, it seemed to contain everything I needed for the job.
Navigating my way back to barn, I decided to peek inside and see how Rainbow and Pinkie were holding up. What I saw was a complete mess. Pinkie and Rainbow were moving at a less than impressive rate and had quite a cleanup ahead of them. Chuckling, I went around back of the barn to find previously-mentioned cider press.
Now let me tell you, this wasn't your modern-day automatic cider press, this was a old-fashioned, manually-operated press. Fortunately, this made my job quite easier due to the simpler mechanics of the retro cider press. After examining the crank mechanism, I found what I believed to be the problem.
An old nut holding one of the gears in place had cracked and come slightly loose. This caused the gear to become misaligned and the crank mechanism to fail. It was an extremely simple fix so I got to work. After acquiring a crescent wrench from the tool box, I removed the old nut and the washer holding the gear in place. Being as careful as I could, I realigned the gear so it would fit in with the rest of the mechanism. I then replaced the washer and the old nut with a new one of the same size. Testing the mechanism, proved that the operation was a complete success.
'Shit this is easy. If everything in this world works as simply as this press then I could make a real killing with my skills. I knew all the hard work and would pay off someday. Plus, learning how things function and how to build and repair all manners of machines and structures has always been my favorite pastime...'
All of sudden without warning, a noticeable flash of light appeared in my peripheral vision. Curious, I turned my head to see what would cause said flash. I looked for anything that could reflect the sun or a camera, as silly as that sounded. Then my eyes caught what I was looking for. Where there once was no mark on my rear was now replaced by one of the most humiliating thing I could imagine. On both of my flanks was the unmistakable visage of a yellow hammer-and-sickle surrounded by a black gear.
"OH COME ON!!!! REALLY?!!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.
While communism may be a integral part of my Russian heritage, I was by no means an avid supporter. Of all the stupid tramp stamps I could of gotten, I got the fucking hammer-and-sickle. I guess it didn't really have a symbolic meaning in magical pony world, but I knew what it symbolized, and that was enough to bring me to hysterics. This had to be the world trolling me for being such a insufferable asshole.
"Of all the stupid crap that's happened to me..." I muttered to myself.
I walked back around front of the barn still fuming about my 'cutie mark'. I can just see Karl Marx rolling over in his grave. All I need is a copy of the Communist Manifesto and I'm good to go. Peeking back into the barn door I see Rainbow and Pinkie were just about done with their maid service. I decided to help them finish up since Applejack had told me to earlier. "Oh hey Vlad! Were you the one shouting a minute ago?" Rainbow asked upon spotting me.
"Uh, yeah sorry about that. Got a bit frustrated over something. I finished with my chore so I'll help you guys get this place cleaned up," I replied sheepishly.
"Aww thanks Vlady!" Pinkie exclaimed obviously over her hangover. I still cringe every time she uses that nickname but I suppose there's no use trying to stop her.
"No problem... Now lets get this done before I have another fit of rage," I said.
After cleaning up the remaining trash and sweeping up any extra scraps we were done. As we left the barn Pinkie happened to notice the new insignia on my rear. "Ooh Vlady! You got your cutie mark! This calls for a party!," she shouted right in my ear.
"Um, no offense Pinkie, but two parties in a row is a bit exhausting. And I'd rather not celebrate over a mark on my behind," I said.
Pinkie seemed to deflate, literally, at this. "Aww," she said looking down.
"Hey cheer up. I bet there's somepony else you could throw a party for," I said trying to sound comforting.
"You're right! I just remembered that the Cake twins' birthday is in three days! I have so much to plan! See ya later Vlady, I gotta go get started!" she exclaimed as she took off towards town.
I looked up at Rainbow who just shrugged. We continued into the southern fields where Applejack and Big Mac were hard at work with Applebloom and two other foals playing some sort of game off to the side. Applejack spotted us as we approached and took a break from her work so she could confront us. "Vlad, Rainbow. Did y'all get yer chores done?"
"Yea we're done AJ! And Vlad here even got his cutie mark. I have no idea what it means but still," Rainbow said.
"You got yer cutie mark? Well fine job but Ah'm with RD on being confused about its meaning," Applejack said scratching her head.
"I think it has something to do with my talent for um... engineering," I explained not revealing the underlying symbolism.
"Oh. That makes sense. Y'all were repairing somethin," Applejack concluded, "Ah'm assuming said repair was a success?"
"Yep! Easy fix, just a old nut that needed replacing," I said with a hint of pride in my voice.
"Whelp, that's all Ah need of y'all today. Figure Ah should go easy on ya on yer first day Vlad. And if the barn's all clean yer free to go too Dash," Applejack replied.
"Awesome! C'mon Vlad, let's grab some lunch and then we can get started on flying lessons early," Dash exclaimed preparing to fly off.
"Um, Rainbow? Flightless bird here," I said gesturing to my wings.
"Oh, heh heh. That's right. Let's walk instead," Rainbow said with a sheepish look.
Walking back towards town I couldn't help but notice Rainbow being a bit skittish. "Can you really not stand to be on the ground for more than five seconds?" I asked with a smirk.
"Pegasi, have a natural need to be in the air, especially a stunt flyer like myself," Rainbow explained.
Upon her mentioning this my wings sort of fluttered at my sides. It seemed that they wanted me to be in the air even if I had no idea how. I had noticed from being around all three pony types that pegasi seemed to have longer fur than earth ponies and unicorns. This was likely to keep them warm at high altitudes. There were likely a ton of anatomical differences between the three races outside of the obvious. I would probably have to do some research in my free time to get a full understanding of my new species.
"Oh, um well... you could fly above me if that would make you more comfortable," I offered.
"Nah, just give me a minute to acclimate," Rainbow replied while I shrugged.
We arrived at what seemed to be a small diner in the main square of town. "Now, because you got no money due to your... situation, this ones on me. But don't expect any freebie's in the future, got it?" Rainbow said with a slight glare.
"Of course not. I wouldn't dare try to take advantage of anypony," I said with a nervous smile.
"Good, now pick something quick. We don't have forever," Dash said impatiently.
I ended up choosing a 'hayburger and fries' which I hoped was the pony equivalent of a stereotypical American meal. When the food arrived I stared at my plate trying to decipher its contents. What sat in front me looked like your typical burger and fries so I shrugged and took a large bite. The taste was similar, but not the same. The patty also didn't have the juiciness that one made of beef would. 'Oh, what I wouldn't do for a bacon cheeseburger'
"What's a bacon cheeseburger?" brought me out of my thoughts. 'Shit I said that out loud didn't I.'
I looked to see Rainbow looking at me with intrigue obviously waiting for an answer. "Well, a bacon cheeseburger is the equivalent of a 'hayburger' back from where I'm from," I explained as delicately as I could.
"Oh, cool. What's in it?"
'Fuck!'
"Pretty, much the same... stuff," I lied trying to keep a straight face.
"Hmm... really? Whatever. Let's go start your first day of flying lessons!" Rainbow exclaimed rushing out the door.
'That was too close,' I thought as I followed my over-enthusiastic instructor outside into the hustle and bustle of Ponyville.
Little did I know what I was getting myself into...
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Dude,Stop pulling punches! it makes the story fall more into the cliche and overused tropes bin
4087307 I didn't think I was being that cliche... Unfortunately, as of now, original ideas are harder to come by. I think the whole 'communism' thing was pretty original on my part. If it isn't... well... I'm trying...
4087346 No,Thats kinda original,But the whole 'Oh,Im gonna cover up a good chunk of who i was for the vast majority of my life,And then get royally fucked over when they inevitably find out' Shtick is done to death,Its called the Liar Revealed.The less traveled path would be to have him just come out about it all,Screw the concequences,And just deal with it now,because it'l only be worse if he delays it
4087359 Oh that. Don't worry. I have something in mind that will come up in the next chapter or two...
4087370 ....Im gonna regret it,But i trust you
4087373 You didn't trust me...? I'm hurt... How could anyone not trust a communist? It's unheard of!
4087384 To be fair,I really could care less about communists....I dont live in america
4087400 Good because I'm currently wearing a shirt with the hammer-and-sickle, a KGB ushanka, and have a USSR flag as a cape.
4087559 ...More power to ya....Im just a random Newfie,So i really dont have a reason to care
Ah the hammer and sickle. It symbolizes the invisible tattoo artists floating around ponyland panicking over a pony without a cutie mark and slapping the first thing that came to mind on his flank.
"Aha he's a repair pony! Give him a hammer and sickle!"
"A sickle? Why not just a-"
"No time he's almost done fixing it gogogo"
4087307 I gotta agree let's bring this all out soon. The hammer and sickle was the symbol of an evil power, humans ate meat. Let's just hurry up with it.
4087792 "Science isn't about why. It's about why not!" -Cave Johnson
4090355
The hammer and sickle symbolizes the industrial workers uniting with the farm workers to act as a single cohesive unit. The only guy who was saying "everything's getting better" was Lenin, with his lies about peace land and bread. Unrelated concepts, I'd say.
4092028 The hammer and sickle are meant to show the importance and power of the working class. "Created in struggle, by will of the people" is a famous line from the Soviet National Anthem (1977 version). So in this story, it could symbolize the power of hard work or the struggle that the main character faces. Although not the best choice for a cutie mark, I believe it does fine and adds a bit of irony as well. If you disagree... well what's done is done so it's staying as is.
Soviet National Anthem: https://www.marxists.org/history/ussr/sounds/lyrics/anthem.htm
Well, I think I'm done with this story...
lol and good chapter
Am I the only one who was expecting that?
4251208 no