Dodgeball
This was embarrassing beyond comprehension. When Sunset had signed up for the “Big Sister” program, she thought that it’d give her an opportunity for renewal after her rampage at the Fall Formal, and perhaps try to get on the other student’s better side, as a majority of them didn’t quite see her in the best of lights after that whole monstrosity of an event.
However, if the job description had said “A hyperventilating, scared-to-death twelve year old will cling onto your leg and refuse to let go long enough so that everyone in the entire hallway sees it”, she might’ve thought it wasn’t worth the trouble.
“Screwball, what the heck is wrong?!” Sunset yelled.
Screwball wasn’t showing any signs of losing her grip.
“I-I don’t wanna go.” She mumbled.
“What? I know that gym class can be a little intimidating, what with Coach Iron Will and how bad he can be but-“
Screwball looked back up at her mentor and friend with a look of confusion on her features.
“What? Me scared of that joker? Pfft, no. I make fun of that guy all the time. In fact I think I might have a book filled with jokes revolving around that loser somewhere.” Screwball said.
“Lemme guess. They’re all steroid jokes.” Sunset said.
Screwball deadpanned.
“No. That’d be too easy…look, that’s beside the point. The point is that I can’t stand dodgeball Sunset.” Screwball said, still looking pretty worried over having to go to gym class.
“Wait, what? Kids throwing giant rubber balls at each other at breakneck speeds and people getting hit in the face with them doesn’t sound fun to you? Sounds pretty chaotic if you ask me.” Sunset said.
“That’s because you don’t know Chaos like I do. There is a huuuuge difference between a chaotic mess and a complete and total massacre. Look, I’ve got a bad history with this game, let’s just leave it at that. Can you pleaaase just get me out of this?” Screwball begged.
Sunset seriously couldn’t get this through her head. Normally, Screwball would jump at the chance to get in on something this chaotic and pain-inducing. Here though, it was looking more like she actually feared for her own safety than anything else.
“And what exactly do you mean by ‘bad history’ Screwball?” Sunset asked.
Screwball didn’t answer, but simply returned to looking absolutely terrified and shaking, thinking about the last time she was involved in one of these terrible games.
“…Remember that Jet Stream girl I was going on about? Well apparently her and her minions were under the impression that I was immune to pain. Spoiler alert…I’m not. They were completely relentless Sunset. Even when I was cowering on the ground and crying like a little baby, they still didn’t let up.” Screwball said.
Sunset remembered their conversation the day before about Screwball’s old school, and wanted nothing more than to find that Jet Stream girl, and punch her dead in the face for everything she did, even if Screwball already made her pay for it with her social standing as well as her eyebrows.
“Look Screwball, I get that you’re scared, but you can’t just hang onto my leg forever.”
“Yes I can.”
“What about when you have to go to the bathroom?”
“I could probably figure something out!…if given the time.”
“Go to gym class Screwball.” Sunset said with a stern glare.
Screwball could see this was one argument she wasn’t going to get anywhere with, and sighed in defeat.
“…Alright fine. But look, when engraving my tombstone, make sure it says ‘Celestia’s a jerk’ for me, would you?” Screwball said, letting go of Sunset’s leg and standing up.
Sunset groaned in annoyance. Of course she would try and guilt-trip her. Why wouldn’t she?
“You and I both know it’s not going to come to that. Look, you’re used to bringing Chaos wherever you go aren’t you? Do the same thing here. You have what it takes after all. Endless supply of energy, reckless abandon; you got the upper hand, trust me.” Sunset assured her. If Sunset knew anyone that could more than likely hold their own in this game, it’d be Screwball. The problem was, Screwball didn’t think she could due to her previous bullying.
“…Well, when you put it that way…only problem now is that there’s still gonna be an entire team of kids that have a bone to pick with me, and would definitely like to have me on the receiving end of one of those big, red, spheres of certain death.” Screwball said.
“Well…yeah, I’m not gonna sugar-coat it kid, that’s going to be pretty hard to deal with. But try not to let it get to you, okay? Just get in there and show them whose boss.” Sunset said with a smirk.
Screwball’s confidence appeared to begin its return as she dwelled on the possibilities that her genius could bring to a game of dodgeball. A sinister smile began to make its way onto her face, and she started to mischievously rub her hands together, with a slight chuckle for added effect.
Sunset recognized that look. Screwball was definitely plotting something. It only would have been more obvious if she was wearing a black cape, a top hat, and was evilly twirling a handlebar mustache.
“Sunset, you’re going to have to excuse me for a bit. I have some…previous arrangements. Hehehehehe.” Screwball muttered before walking out of Sunset’s line of sight and down the hallway.
Something was wrong here. Sunset could feel it in her gut that something bad was going to happen. For the life of her though, she couldn’t figure out what it was. Something just told her Screwball wasn’t fully over herself and her chaotic ways quite yet.
She was going to need to keep an eye on her. If getting in trouble for skipping class in order to make sure one of the few friends she had right now didn’t have a relapse was what it took, then so be it.
“But why do we have to play with HER?!” Scootaloo yelled to her friend pointing an accusing finger at Screwball, who was leaning against the wall in the gym with an unreadable expression on her face. The entire girl’s team waited for the boys to come out of the locker room to begin the game. Pretty much the entire girl’s team was in the corner whispering obscenities about the purple-haired girl they had to share a team with. In the center of the gym, the dodgeballs were all lined up in preparation for the game.
“Uhhh, yeah. Standing right here ya know. Can hear every word you’re saying.” Screwball grumbled to Scootaloo.
“Coach Iron Will said that we’re playin’ girls vs. boys dodgeball here Scoots, so it’s not like we got much of a choice. Trust me. Ah don’ like this any more than you do.” Applebloom said.
“Still here girls. Haven’t gone anywhere.” Screwball grumbled again.
“Girls come on! She hasn’t tried anything in a while. Maybe she’s actually trying to change!” Sweetie Belle said.
Screwball raised an eyebrow.
“Well at least one of you is willing to give me the benefit of the doubt. I suppose it was too safe to assume all of you would though.” Screwball said.
Scootaloo turned back to Screwball with a slight scowl on her face.
“Well can you blame us?!” Scootaloo yelled.
Screwball closed her eyes and sighed.
“Honestly, why the hostility Scootaloo? What’d I ever do to you?” Screwball asked.
“You loosened one of the bolts on my scooter’s wheels which made the whole thing fall apart right under me.” Scootaloo said bluntly.
“And ya’ll TP’d all of the farm’s trees.” Applebloom said with narrowed eyes.
“…Okay, apart from that.” Screwball said as if it was no big deal.
Sweetie Belle sighed and put a hand to her face.
“I think what they’re trying to say Screwball, is that you can’t act like a jerk 99% of the time and expect people to really…” Sweetie Belle trailed off for a moment, almost not wanting to put it as bluntly as the situation truly was. Screwball looked at Sweetie Belle with a questioning look on her face, looking like she expected an answer out of her.
“Ummm…nevermind.” Sweetie Belle said nervously.
Screwball crossed her arms and pouted, her eyes looking to the side.
“Hmph. Am I the only one in this school that isn’t an uptight wuss?” Screwball grumbled. It didn’t matter right now what her team thought of her right now though. She was about to do her team a huge favor.
All of a sudden, the doors on the other side of the gym opened up, revealing the boy’s team coming out of the locker room, along with Coach Iron Will himself. He had an abnormally large upper torso and biceps with very short legs, so short that even Screwball questioned how those little sticks he called legs were able to even lift the rest of him off the ground. On his head was a dark blue Mohawk, a nose ring in his nostrils, and a small whistle around his neck. The enormous man walked to the side of the gymnasium, prepared to watch the carnage that would ensue, clearing his throat before he spoke.
“LISTEN UP PIPSQUEAKS!”
Or yelled.
“TODAY IRON WILL IS PUTTING YOUR PUNY, TOOTHPICK ARMS TO THE TEST IN ONE OF THE MOST PAINFUL AND AGONIZING GAMES TO EVER EXIST…DODGEBALL!” Iron Will yelled at the top of his lungs, quickly gesturing his arms to both teams and the middle of the gym.
‘Yeesh, someone needs to tell this guy that he likes his job waaaay more than he should. Seriously, he’s got more ham than a pig farm.’ Screwball thought to herself.
“BOTH TEAMS GET INTO STARTING POSITIONS! AND REMEMBER, SHOW YOUR ENEMIES NO MERCY, NOT EVEN FOR A SECOND! WHEN THEY TRY TO CRAWL, YOU THROW THAT BALL!!!” Iron Will continued to yell. Both teams backed against the wall and prepared to charge toward the middle. Of all of the girl’s team though, Screwball looked the least worried.
“…Ya’ll are lookin’ pretty confident right now Screwball…like…scary confident.” Applebloom said with a slightly uncomfortable look on her face.
“Yeah, did you not catch the part about this being super painful? I mean, I can take it just fine. I’m awesome like that. You though…” Scootaloo said, looking a little confused.
Screwball didn’t need to answer, for after Iron Will blew his whistle, every boy on the other team tried to charge forward for the dodgeballs, but seemed to all slip on their own feet and fell flat on their faces, arms, behinds, and pretty much evevrything else. Some of them were still struggling to stand up and recover from the fall, but found the floor much too slippery to keep their footing.
‘Hehe. Another one of the perks of having a janitor dad. Easy access to janitor’s closet and the beauty that is floor wax inside.’ Screwball laughed internally.
Iron Will was in near shock of what had just transpired.
“WHAT?!?! WHO DARES TO TAMPER WITH IRON WILL’S PLAYING FIELD?!?! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!” Iron Will yelled.
Sweetie Belle scooted over to Screwball when she noticed she was chuckling to herself and whispered in her ear.
“Screwball, what the heck’d you do?!”
“Oh, just gave our team a little bit of an edge…you’re welcome by the way.” Screwball said.
All the kids walked out of the gymnasium, many of the boys holding onto their arms, legs, or whatever parts of themselves they had hurt when they fell due to the floor wax spread onto the gym floor. None of the other kids found this nearly as funny as Screwball seemed to, as they all looked at her with irritated looks on their faces, while at the same time, she was still slightly laughing to herself.
“Ohohohoho, that had to be one of my better ones. Don’t see why the girls didn’t take advantage of the boy’s helplessness to beat their faces in, but whatever. Still funny though.” Screwball laughed. She started to remember just why she loved what she did so much. Whenever there was Chaos around, things were bound to get hilarious quickly.
But with Principal Uptight reigning over everyone, Chaos only came around so often, and that was whenever she was around. Nobody else seemed to care for her taste, save for Discord. Everyone else seemed perfectly content with the boredom and predictability. She didn’t understand it in the slightest.
Unfortunately, Screwball was torn from these thoughts when she heard a loud and shrill voice from behind her.
“What in the HELL was that?!?!” it yelled, making Screwball jump. She turned around to see that Sunset Shimmer was looking down at her, looking without a single shadow of a doubt to Screwball, the angriest she has ever seen her.
“…Uh-oh.” Screwball mumbled.
So, Screwball took Sunset's advice way too literally. Where Sunset was telling her to just play the game and have fun...Screwball acted like...well...Screwball, and was a dirty cheater.
Sunset isn't pleased about this. 
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5275178
No, that's just there because Screwball likes making dirty jokes. Sorry to disappoint.
5275191 Oh thats fine, thanks for clearing that up!
We had Twilight Snarkle, and now I present to you, Sunset Snarker!
You would.
Wouldn't put it past her. I suspect though that she saves those for Bulk.
Sad thing is, she's right.
Sunset has a point.
*scowls* BRING ME MY LONGSWORD!
Same here, might not do wonders for your social standing, but it'd be worth it.
I don't doubt that, but trust me, not going to gym class would only make your life worse.
At least she knows when to fold em.
Because she's a lovely little girls? *cracks up* BAHAHAHAHAHAAA! I can't even type that with a straight face!
Once again, Sunset is right!
“You and I both know it’s not going to come to that. Look, you’re used to bringing Chaos wherever you go aren’t you? Do the same thing here. You have what it takes after all. Endless supply of energy, reckless abandon; you got the upper hand, trust me.”
She's right you know.
And now Screwball is the one with a point.
Oh boy...
Wouldn't put it past Discord to try something like that.
I'm suddenly very worried.
Agreed.
Because she has some tricks up her sleeve that may make things more entertaining.
Thank you Sweetie Belle.
Most likely.
Not really.
*blinks*
She's right.
*shrugs* he's just that good.
Yes. That line is pure yes.
You're about to find out why.
I see being a Magnificent Bastard runs in the family. Nice.
I'd have taken advantage of the situation.
Agreed.
You may want to run before she becoming a raging she demon.
Eeyup. I'll prepare your funeral.
lol
5275191 somehow... that made me laugh just as much as this chapter did.
This story needs a few more moments of Screwball getting karmic retribution. A good ongoing story with a protagonist of her type here generally has near equal moments of humiliating losses & victories.
Looks like somebody skipped leg day.
5276505 See? This guy knows exactly what kind of bastard Discord is! (read my earlier comment in the sad chapter)
And the Best Teacher of the Year Award, goes to...
Sunset is both somehow present despite that she should be in class... and also incredibly angry over something as little as cheating in a sports game.