Sunset chugged down another soda as she tried to tame the pounding that resided in her head. All of her friends sat in Sugarcube Corner with her, all except for Rarity who seemed to be running a bit late, and questioned her about why she looked so stressed.
“So ya’ll got stuck with Discord’s kid?” Applejack asked.
Sunset reluctantly nodded.
“Uh huh.” She mumbled.
“Oh. Why’s that such a bad thing Sunset?" Fluttershy asked in a whisper.
Everyone in the room shot her a look that said “Seriously?”
“Oh I don’t know Fluttershy. Maybe it’s because Screwball’s a minion of the fucking Anti-Christ.” Sunset said with some sarcasm.
“…Oh.” Fluttershy squeaked, retreating behind her pink hair.
“Calm down girls; Screwball isn’t all that bad! I mean, remember when she was throwing balloons filled with chocolate milk everywhere last year? It tasted soooo gooood!~” Pinkie said cheerfully.
The others remembered that day pretty well. First the doors got glued shut, then the band room got flooded, and then came the chucking of chocolate milk balloons (which is around the time Pinkie Pie showed up with a catcher’s mitt)
Sunset’s eye twitched slightly and she took another swig at her soda. Pinkie was nice and everything, but Sunset sometimes felt her brain cells slowly deteriorating whenever she talked to her.
“So when’s she getting out of detention? I kinda need to know when to leave.” Rainbow asked.
Sunset gave Rainbow an annoyed look, but just sighed in response to her aching head caused by Screwball earlier that day.
“Well considering my amount of luck lately, I’d say she’d be here in about-“
All five of the girls immediately perked up at a loud, rumbling sound coming from outside Sugarcube Corner. The source of the sound was a purple/chrome dirtbike pulling into the parking lot, stopping its obnoxious noise when its driver shut the bike off and put up the kickstand. The biker sitting on it took off her helmet, revealing her purple and white highlighted hair, and set it on the handlebars of the bike.
She then proceeded to burst through the doors of Sugarcube corner, causing one of them to slam a passing Octavia in the face, knocking her to the floor.
“AAAAND THE LIFE OF THE PARTY HAS ARRIVED!” Screwball shouted, disrupting the usual, quiet nature of the bakery.
“-about zero seconds.” Sunset finished, head-desking at Screwball’s abrupt entrance.
Screwball turned to see the six girls staring from across the room. Applejack and Rainbow were looking pretty annoyed, Sunset had her forehead pressed against the table, Pinkie still had that unconditional smile, and Fluttershy just kinda hid behind her hair.
“Well if it isn’t my five favorite people in the whole wide world all in one place!” Screwball shouted in sheer joy, but then noticed the absence of Rarity.
“Wait a sec. There were six of you. Did the priss not feel like showing up?” Screwball asked, scratching her head.
“Do ya really care? Or are ya’ll just plannin’ in screwing with our heads?” Applejack asked with some aggression.
“Calm down AJ, I’m not here for her anyway. I need THAT one.” Screwball said, pointing at Sunset Shimmer.
Sunset raise her head, looking at Screwball with an unamused stare.
“Do we seriously have to do this now Screwball?” she asked.
“Hey, the arcade’s high scores don’t demolish themselves, and besides, you’re supposed to be a good role model. And if you’re gonna do something, the least you could do is do it right.” Screwball said with a smug smile.
Sunset grumbled obscenities under her breath, and just chugged down more soda.
Rainbow had taken notice of Screwball’s dirtbike in the parking lot, and looked legitimately stunned.
“Are you even old enough to drive that thing? No, scrub that. How’d you even AFFORD it?!” Dash questioned.
Screwball thought to herself for a moment before she even dared telling Rainbow anything concerning her bike…
Screwball watched from the shadows as hundreds of teenagers exited the school building, completely unaware of her presence. At the moment, she was wearing a black fedora on her head, which hid most of her face as it was pulled down, and a brown jacket over her torso.
“Good, nobody’s watching. Better get to the rendezvous while the coast is clear.” She said to herself, quickly moving round to the side of the building, where she saw a girl standing there, wearing the same outfit as she was. She was obviously a few years older than Screwball, her skin a light, plum color, and pink hair.
“You got the stuff?” The girl asked.
Screwball smirked as she took a large bottle of wine out of her jacket’s pocket and showed it to the girl, who appeared to be drooling at the sight of it.
“I take it that this meets your expectations then?” Screwball asked with a smile.
“Oooooh yes! Gimmie gimmie!” She shouted, trying to reach the bottle, with Screwball holding it behind her back, just out of her reach.
“Hold it Punch. Five hundred bucks. Now.” Screwball said.
Berry recoiled after hearing Screwball’s outrageous pricing.
“W-What?! That’s highway robbery!” Berry exclaimed
“You want it or not? I got shit to do, so I haven’t got all day.” Screwball asked with the best, shit-eating grin she could muster.
Berry angrily grumbled as she handed Screwball five, hundred dollar bills, and Screwball handed the wine over to Berry.
“You’re lucky I’m an alcoholic.” She growled before walking away with her wine.
Screwball looked at the money in her hand and giggled.
“Jeez, I honestly didn’t think that would work. I mean, I knew Berry was a hopeless drunk but…damn.” Screwball said to herself.
“That’s on a need-to-know basis Rainbow, and you don’t need to know how I can afford my “Sexy” Screwball said.
Applejack mentally facepalmed after hearing that.
“Ya’ll seriously named yer dirtbike “Sexy?” she asked.
Screwball shrugged.
“So what? It makes it sound badass.” Screwball defended her bike’s name.
While Sunset was rolling her eyes at Screwball, the door to Sugarcube Corner opened, and Rarity walked in, looking like she was going to burst into tears at any second. As she passed by the counter, Mr. Cake sniffed the air, and immediately covered his noes to block out some sort of foul stench, and ran into the back.
When she reached her friend’s table, they too caught wind of it, and also covered their noses, all except for Screwball who didn’t seem to mind.
“Ugggh! Damn Rarity! If you’re gonna crack one off you could at least warn us!” Rainbow shouted.
“O-Oh my.” Fluttershy mumbled.
Screwball raised an eyebrow and snickered.
“Awwww, what’s the matter princess? Did you gain half a pound?” Screwball asked.
Rarity clenched her teeth at the sight of Screwball and completely flipped.
“YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME YOU LITTLE WRETCH! MY LOCKER WAS RIGGED WITH A STINKBOMB THAT EXPLODED RIGHT IN MY FACE!” Rarity screamed.
Screwball didn’t look the slightest bit fazed by Rarity’s yelling, and appeared to only smile at her misery.
Sunset smelled the terrible stench coming off of Rarity and visibly flinched.
“Jesus H. Christ Screwball, what the fuck’d you put in that thing?” Sunset asked.
Screwball put a finger to her chin as she tried to recall.
“Hmmm let’s see…Uhh, toilet water, fish guts, and a bit of dad’s cheap-ass aftershave. And I have to say, I’m pretty happy with the results.” Screwball giggled.
Rarity’s face looked like it was turning green, and she quickly ran into the bathroom to puke.
“On that note, we should probably get outta here before Rarity comes back and tries to strangle me. So Sunny, feel like taking a ride on “Sexy?” Screwball asked.
Ignoring how fucking wrong that sounded, Sunset shook her head.
“Not if you’re driving. I don’t think “dying in a horrible, tragic death in a dirtbike accident” is on my to-do list today.” Sunset said sarcastically.
“Ugggh, wimp! Whatever, we’ll walk I guess. I’ll get dad to pick up my bike later.” Screwball groaned as the two headed out the door, Screwball again slamming a recovering Octavia in the face with it while Sunset mouthed a quick “I’m so sorry” in her direction.
“Awwww! Isn’t that just adorable!?~” Pinkie squealed.
Applejack raised an eyebrow.
“Pinkie, what part of that was cute? Cause ah think ah might’ve missed it.” Applejack asked sarcastically.
That dirtbike name though.
So. Much. Yes.
I bet you anything that Screwball is like a genius when it comes to driving dirtbikes but no one really believes it... Also I find Pinkie's view on Screwball WAAAAAAY too relatable... but also very cute and kinda similar to how I always imagine Pinkie reacting to Screwball.
Also... How different of a story would it be if Pinkie became Screwballs "Big Sister?"
Also... again... I REALLY want to know now how Twilight would've reacted when she met Screwball and learned who she is in this universe. Probably a mixture of this-->, this--> and maybe this-->
4093210 If I can find some way to include Twilight, I will. After all, she's my favorite of the Mane Six.
Also, one of my friends that read this thing says that my interpretation of Screwball in this fic kinda reminds him of Tiny Tina from Borderlands 2. Seeing how nuts the both of them are, I can kinda see where he's coming from.
I'd imagine putting Pinkie in Sunset's position right now would result in an almost completely different fic. The basis of this story is Celestia trying to get Screwball to quit destroying school property and harrasing the students, and trying to help Sunset Shimmer open up a little better. Killing two birds with one stone, if you will.
Maybe someday I'll write a side-story to this involving Screwball and Pinkie Pie, if I can get a good idea for it.
One thing I CAN say though, is that the Chaos would be GLORIOUS.
4093493 That would be GLORIOUS!!! Because whether human or pony the idea of Twilight learning that Discord has a daughter is just gut bustingly hilarious! xD
I haven't played Boarderlands 2... so I can't confirm nor deny that statement... but I always imagined Screwball similar to Gir from Invader Zim, only if he was purposely destructive without going full on duty-mode.
I can see where Principle Celestia's way of thinking is, but I still think it's hilarious that even Human!Celestia doesn't really get how bad idea pairing a high strung ball of chaos with someone who is the LEAST compatible with them. But I suppose in this sense Pinkie couldn't have been a candidate for... better reasons...
But If Pinkie WERE to be Screwy's Big Sister... I imagine that Screwball could feel shock that someone actually has a sense of humor concerning her jokes... but when she tries to find the line Pinkie WON'T cross, that's when Pinkie puts her foot down, and feels all around!
Sexy?
Didn't the Doctor name his Tardis that?
4219794 Yes, Yes he did
So much TINY TINA!!!!!
Ha. Fandom Berry Punch. Classic.
4219794 More like she named herself that. It was just an adjective when the Doctor said it, until Idris-TARDIS declared that her name.
Gee, I wonder who Screwball is meeting?
img07.deviantart.net/96e7/i/2013/047/9/4/berry_punch_by_dharthez-d5v5ntu.png
Fun Fact: Toilet water is cleaner than the water we drink.
Was there... Fluttercord in this? Likes the story.
Oof, her offenses just keep getting worse.
Your Pinkie is WAY more of an airhead than even the real one.
7362360
There is a strong chance it's from a public bathroom, so no. No it isn't.